but everybody Halloween is quicklyapproaching so my staff thought it wouldbe fun to try what they always like totry and bring out some scary animals ohthis is funplease welcome animal pro Jeff Mozillaalright hey Jeff why are you doingyou're doing welcome to the showthanks for having me sad that's scaryright it's a capuchin monkey his name'sTobyit's a baby it won't hurt you you canfeel his butt feel his back like righthere real lightly he won't hurt you it'sgonna like pet now now the fun thingabout these guys they do somethingcalled urine washing so before the showhe peed in his hands and he coated itall over himself and they do a reallycool thing and they it's up just don'tsmell your hand yeah hey you want tofeed him agreat no what what greatthere's a great likes you hey no don'tjump my god do stay those grapes righton the other side he he probably lovedit he likes you see the how he's doingthe lip smacks and yeah yeah he likesyou yes there you go now go ahead pullpull the grape off yeah oh you all wantit yeah yeah yeah great grapes these arereally nice right there you go you gavea great so you're in a good surpriseyeah yeah don't get your monkey hers youwon't you don't get your monkey so keepan eye on my mom okay but I'm gonna moveon to another animal cuz I know youreally like this guy and he's happy withgrapes but I'm gonna pass him off to myuh my histogram though he's spitting allover your set yeah take this with youall right cool now for this one it's aHalloween segment kind of scarycreatures a figure of what better thansomething that's got the Halloweencolors now this girl here so if you seeSteve I guessmy man but I guess I did I think thatstay right where you were now you knowas I told you about me first line Stevefrom the hood he's a Mexican red meatrancher like that she's got those redknees yeah why why isn't shaking likethat well what is fittin to do well theywalk with their back six legsyeah and they grabbed there they grabtheir prey with the two fronts like shewas feeling you out a little bit seeingif your food seeing if your what whatactually you are they they have venomnot enough to kill you but when theybite they pump some venom pump pump pumpand then it turns the inside into mushand then they'll come back sink thefangs in and just suck out all the juiceit's incredible pump pump pump works thesame way okay no see I mean I think shelook nice like right about here if youwant to try it out you know for real youthink I should put it back well you looknice though it'd be like kind of like apocket square that moves now that'spretty good I like you got good jokesyou've got good joke when you ain't gotto lure animals that's right now thoughyou don't see these a lot in the hoodbut see that okay don't move Steve justsit real still I'm going to show youthis guy now this guy is named TonkaSteve and this guythis guy he doesn't mess aroundhe's an alligator snapping turtle thisis about 150 year old turtles like aliving dinosaur up to 1,500 pounds ofpressure in that mouth so if somethingcomes down on it BAM smashes in athousand pieces you might seem smashsomething yeah grab that carrot it'sabout to get real in here Steve you'llgive you street cred now they gonna butno street cred oh yeah Steve ain't doingnone of this young man let me show thiscould be the one time he develop one letme show you what they dohey man you gonna keep on here kickballand just got shot I don't know what theytold you bout me turtle this guy saythis is a fish right fish comes in he'slike oh look at that it's food up thereit goes in there oh that's what I'mtalkin about Stevegood stuff you see that this guy youdon't mess around the oldest hellgranddaddy used to the 0.80right your fall out his mouth butthey're incredible actually that's to meto be over 150 years old they can tellby the way the nose is rounded out bythe bottom jaw line because they onlyhave teeth they have those big powerfuljaws a beak and they just boom smashshut fifteen hundred pounds of pressureper square inch humans have 120 poundsso if you bite down that's a hard bitethat right there you stuck your arm inhis mouth smash it he goes from no speedto just quick his hail actually actuallywhat they say in the hood is he goesfrom a zero to 100 real quick Saintsthat's what they say I don't like thatso one of my favoritesJeff's got some most scary animalscoming up next don't go anywhere heycome back with Jeff Musial who'steaching us about some fascinating andscary animals let me let me tell youabout this guyit's called a shingle back skink andthey are found in Australia they'resuper rare now the coolest thing aboutthis guy Jeff Jeff yeah you keep walkingtowards me with the animal that I don'tlike let's just stay on the carpet allright you don't go past don't you a wallnow you wanna have a safe word I'll saveya just yell like baloney I don't knowit's safe okay loser now bolon it Iwasn't I didn't bring up a lone knee andI got another word can follow below Igot I got another word and that isshingle backs kink this guy head flipsaround something comes up to him in thewild right he's hanging out somethingtries to mess with him right folds inhalf his head looks like his rear lookat that animal comes up to him he won'thave his eyes open he'll have his eyesclosed I'll start to go like this goahead pick a head any head if an animalgrabs him by his head he's a dead lizardhe's no longer with usthey ground by that tail that'll breakoff wiggle around on the ground whenyou're watching that freaking outscreaming he runs the other way regrowsanother tail about six months to a yearlater really incredible if that doesn'twork this is the really freaky thingwhat they can do is baloney baloneyI'll show you like this if they're onthe ground like this and you're inAustralia right you come up to me nowhe's scared you're walking you're kindof threatening him he'll put his headdown he'll lift the tail up like thislike a most double-jointed you walk upto get close to him they can shoot thattail what you think is his head up twoto three feet away you lose it you'relike oh my god just saw this animalshoot his head off you don't know what'sgoing you're freaking outhe takes off running the other way heshould shoot it let it go this is thisthe damn truth you like it though I cantell you right that's it let it go boomthis guy here Oh someone might want tocome and get this lizard so I don't goto the cushions and let's play a fungame with Steve called what cushion ishe under last time on the show come onSteve we're having so much fun this guylook at how crazy this is this is calleda Malaysian jungle nymph super cool lookat I mean this is incredible it's likesome kind of like Jurassic park's doesit fly no okay cool they just have theyjust handle it be ready phone no theyjust need to know if I need to get inyour lungs you little creaky now let'stalk about scary facts this guy here youthink it's like a leaf bug what can hedo tea if you look at his body hairslike thorns all over his bodyyeah see there on the back legs they hadthose thorns like on a rosebush whatI'll do is he'll grab you at the backlegs start to scissor them back andforth and just drill those thorns inyour leg just grind up on your skin whyis it not stabbing your legs thesecauses don't feel threatened exactlylike it doesn't feel threatened like Ibrought her out I was like baloney she'scoolI like you is he coming back but he'sfunny yeah I like it though I like youI'm all about one-hit wonder so you knowI'm saying now I got one more animal foryou for this one you want to sit downand enjoy it really take it in just likeit it's just incredible you neverprobably ever gonna see another animallike this leg of Odessaoh let me see an aardvark bingo give mesome now this guy here he's he's anaardvark and a cool thing is they don'thave teeth except for in the back of themouth see how he slurps it all up withhis tongue and then he grinds it withthe molars in the back of their mouthwhat they do is they take over burrowsfrom other animals tortoise burrows orhyenas have a den they go in boom boomboom kick it all out kick itdefend the door with it back it all inthere and they just sleep all daythey'll sleep like 18 hours a day comeout at night look for some food one ofmy favorite animals you never seeanything like this woman wreck his chairshe's looking for termites she don'tlike the slippery floor the Asha hereback up here what a rider Steve she'scool she just kind of hangs out thereone of my favorite animals they're notendangered species but they're theirbiggest problem is people eat thembecoming those they're also fall prey toleopards hyenas followed a host aroundif they're not in a burrow they can'thide themselves come around the otherway yeah and they're pretty slow yeah Ithink he's through just let him go aheadall right yeah I think I think sasha hashad enough for TV for todayhey thanks Jeff you ought to find outmore about these animals just head onover to Steve Harvey tv.com and check itout
Steve Harvey is the fucking best.
Holy shit the awkward white guys “hood jokes” are such a good foil to our boy Steve
steve is the fucking bomb dot com
yo can we get a steve harvey theme for this sub already?
Haha black people are afraid of animals.