Steptoe and Son: The Stepmother (1992 UK VHS)

foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you thank you for a lovely evening Mr Steptoe that's all right Mrs Mrs Marshall yes Mr step toad I was wondering if we could stop calling each other Mr and Mrs my name's Albert oh well all right then help it what's your Handler can I know it's Emma Emma Emma that's a nice name well actually on YouTube Emma but I did not call it here straight out in case you objected life oh no well as a matter of fact I suppose we ought to be getting used to the idea have you told your son yet have you spoken to him no I am not yet I will I love a word with him he'll be all right are you sure yeah he's knocked out he'll be wow hope so don't you worry about him I can handle him he'll be all sorry [Music] I'm glad you're lucky it didn't hurt your eyes did it being so close to the screen good ah it's not better be saying good night thanks for seeing me home yeah I've got to look after you now haven't I [Music] suppose you better be saying good night well good night Albert do not Emma see you again tomorrow oh yes that could be nice [Music] I better be saying good night good night Albert just a minute you better have these the peppermint creams you can finish them up on the way home no no you have him I know how you like them well see you tomorrow in the afternoon when my son's house don't forget to tell him no no you're not [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] what are you all punched up for I've been out I know you've been out where have you been oh come on usual time now you no dinner I thought something could happen to you I've been looking all over the place I've been out in a yard turning all the junk over in guys that have fallen on you I was just getting ready to go down the Nick to see if it was in there or the hospital or something I was going to have the canal drag why didn't you leave them outside I mean I didn't know where you went out have you been I've been to the pictures the pictures the pictures yeah the pictures the pictures oh that is good that is very good no dinner at the pictures I've been up since seven o'clock this morning sweating my guts out on that cart I'm putting great mangles about jumping on and off the car pulling out all surround corners without a break let's come home starving and you nothing to do all day if you go to the pictures I don't asked you to contribute much towards this business just get my dinner of an evening that is all that is not too much to ask is it oh oh you want some dinner then yes that is the general idea I want some dinner that's what I've got all under my nosebleed I've been in three hours you could have got yourself something quite easy couldn't you oh are you going get some fish and chips it's Monday isn't it but don't open on Monday do they the pictures is open but a fish shops is shut oh how much in the beans then oh don't bother I'll go down the ice cream I can't get a bowl of rice at the Lotus room I don't know why above the horses eating the goldfish is eaten not that you have eaten but me Harry Burke who does all the hard work I'm gonna sit here for three hours with my gas twitching anybody think I'm gonna have it going out you don't like I'm not doing anything to you you are becoming an auto little old man aren't you I've got some peppermint creams here what do you think I am the leader I want my dinner don't you understand they are enough [Music] then don't you care anymore maybe gone completely Bonkers I mean don't you think anymore what's that supposed to mean look if it was me what stayed on and you went out doing all the hardware if it was me it was the delicate one I'd use my head odd odd sir say to myself how you're on to a good thing here you might not like him but you've got to look after him to keep him going keep him fed make him comfortable look after him otherwise e-mark gets drop me and jack it all in that's what I'd be thinking I'd use one not one play my cards right that's what I'd do otherwise I might wake up one morning and found myself all alone with my bread and butter gone yeah yeah you don't know what she may watch yourself as well yeah what do I have a suck better if you were about making with worrying me I'm gonna struck out of my own years ago if and I've been for you and being lumbered with you yeah I suppose you're right well I'm right I realize I've been holding you back all these years oh well it's kind of been easy for a young lad to look after an old man all his life I suppose I've expected too much of you I suppose I I'll take the advantage over the years for keeping you cooped up here when you could have been out enjoying yourself getting a nice girl in it oh whoa well downstairs it's been too easy for you all these years I mean I wouldn't be much of a signified I've slung my open left you on your own I'll suppose I mean he's just one of those things it's unfortunate it can't be helped I mean I've got a bit cheesed off at times when you don't pull your weight and that is all I'm complaining about I mean you know now you're quite on you shouldn't have to spend your young years crying nurse mad to me you're just as entitled as anyone else to go out and make your own way in the world yeah well suppose I am but it can't be done Kenny I mean just stay in the cards it's unfortunate there's no point in talking about it well that's just it Things Are Gonna Change what do you mean well I'm also tell you now you know what I went tonight yeah the pictures I went with Shaman yeah oh I I always said you ought to go out with frenzy around now you're not listening to me yes I am you're one of the pictures with a friend you had a marvelous time you forgot about my dinner we've had a rough let's forget about it it's all over no it's not all over that's just the point Harold I'm thinking of getting married again [Music] foreign [Music] I'm getting married I know it must be a bit of a surprise to you but we've known each other a long time Dad you're almost 65. of you or get married for I mean people will laugh at you will stop talking I don't know what they do I'm getting married and that's all they Stewie gossip how long has this been going on you'll be free out you'll be able to strike out on your own for what you've always wanted I said how long has this been going on and how do you know what I want I don't want the odds I want it at all how long has this been going on and why haven't I been told I just told you yeah that's good isn't it hey I'll come home no dinner are you coming and tell me you're going to get married I thought you'd be pleased well I'm not pleased who is this our bag anyway so she's got him out of you don't you speak to me like that chance you haven't even met her yet I don't want to oh yeah she aren't even in the family and she's done me our dinner you have been knocking about with some strange bird beyond my back all this time without telling me there's been nothing to chill didn't get serious on the last week we didn't realize we was in love in love come on you're almost 65 you're talking like a 16 year old school boy it was in our special age for falling in love is it well I find it repulsive I'm sorry but it's disgusting how old is the bird in a bird she's 55 and she's a widow like me 55 oh five now think about it Dad this is her last chance she wants someone to look after in her old days and look I'm somehow knit like you and she's got yours in straight away she's in love with me oh Dad is not life at your age she's got her own her mind chance a bloke like you a little bit of a business a bit of money a pension on his last leg she's gonna cop the lot no daddy's very attractive for an Albert wake up never caught say why what money have I got she's got money of her own little sweet shop of the ice tree tobacco newspaper she's very nice she said ah birds with money that's even worse she'll dominate you Dad you lead a dog's life I've seen it so often she'll use her money you can write under her thumb it'll be do this do that and and type a dog for a walk a dog I've seen it now he was trying to talk me out of it Harold I'm going to marry her you've made up your mind yeah yeah I see it's all fixed up then yeah I'm honest when is it it's a bit quick in it when you get tired right you can't afford to hang about can you no I wouldn't love I'm sure we'll be and I can move down to Cornwall get a little cottage finish me days there Just the Two of Us that'll be a very nice for you because it won't be in once a couple of months you know plenty of time to look around look around for what somewhere else to live oh I see I'm being kicked out now I've served my purpose all these years and now you don't need me anymore you won't get rid of me you will not bringing her back here why not for you and another woman upstairs in my mom's bedroom I'm not standing for that what are you talking about look I may not be able to stop you getting married but I'll stop you bringing another bird into this house what tuna burn it down this is my mom's house and you've got no respect at all your mum's been gone 30 years anybody think I'd only just put it away you may have forgotten her but I haven't she was my mum remember how do you expect me to fill you my dad with another woman upstairs in my mum's bed she seem really wise it'll be all church and holy there'll be nothing funny about our arrangements for 30 years I've never done nothing against your mother's memory I never looked at another woman when I was a young man in me Prime armed me chances but now now I was faithful to her I haven't forgotten I'll put two pounds twelve or six a year to keep a grave up you pay for the headstone it wasn't you it was me wasn't it should have been unmarked to be left up to you and it's me what puts the dahliers in advance on her birthday you you'd never sat a foot around her and it's in January I can't go out in January I never go anywhere in January increases me January does she wouldn't expect it wouldn't it be happier for her if she was to know that was you up above there where the old clip was keeping her grass down instead of somebody else being fired to do it you know what happens as soon as she's gone you're bringing stride's birth back here I don't go on 30 years as soon as she's gone over to you it could have been yesterday you see Dad I'll remember her I loved your mother you said you loved this one what shall I do without both of them you can't have it both ways oh it might be very convenient for you while you're down here alive chopping and changing your affections but what happens when you and this new one go what happens when you get up there they don't allow that sort of thing up there mate they're very particular foreign aren't you you're jealous that's it isn't it just because no birds want you it's right up you know I'm doing all right let's go now we could do with it so are you carry on but you do what you want as far as I'm concerned bye just remember when you're sat in here of an evening with your new lady love holding hands and giggling my mom will be up there somewhere watching you shower lamb is out man that'd be company I don't know what you're going on about your mother and me had an arrangement whichever is you went first the other was free to get married again my mama never got married again my mom would never pull another man back into his house my mum was a lovely woman you take that back you dirty felt him I did I'll let you imagine 45 years that ain't let you know oh God she married Beneva so when she taught herself up with you you tried to a dog she was a good woman apologize come on get down on your knees and ask for forgiveness apology look at you go on apologize to her apologize to my mom apologize and your mother it's your sister oh that's yours what oh apologize God apologize to it I'm sorry I'm sorry ask for forgiveness well forgive me in a dirty old man I'm not Ah that's exciting your memory not keeping a grass cut around your grave and by keeping you in this desktop all these years and for trying to poison your son's mind against you by bearing false witness all these things I do freely admit Andrew I do and in future I will honor your memory as becoming to a Sunday school teacher oh well oh well and I also swear I shall tear away from me this whole bag and I shall not take that to myself and I'll shall look after your son Harold and I'll have his dinner ready for him in an evening when he comes out you're hot down someone will get a um I'll take it all back I'm not gonna give it to happen you gave away from hell if you're ready to go to bed I said all I've got to suck it is up to you now it is a matter between you and your conscience good night and take your teeth out you nearly choked last night what couldn't have been just human what did you need him to come along and spoil it for [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] this is more like a homecoming you say hola unpleasantness could have been avoided oh it's very good you support yourself I don't know you could caught like this right so you can't do it when you try do you like it hmm very good very tasty have a good day today I picked up a nice Victorian brass bed set oh they're good they're very much in demand get a good price for that you did very well there oh I got a hold of offer on the lineup the very nice in your bedroom there's a few holes and everybody'll cut up nice this is very good in a minute who is this this is Mrs Master Emma so that's it you cook this didn't you yes I don't want it oh don't be like that Harold it's larger you call it a Stein Kelly no you didn't well I'll do you like it no my mom used to cook it she could cook a steak in a pudding she could you lie she couldn't cook an egg yes my mom was a lovely woman you put it away again may I see her oh dear how long has she been there she has been asleep for 30 years she was very beautiful she was far too good for him she was the best look around here I remember when she used to take me shopping down the High Street how proud I was hold a man used to turn around and look at her I did more than look at her you keep for sure you are seeing you are obscene there's no way to talk to your father well you've done I'm like hard though he's evil he's a nasty evil little man Harold with or without your approval I intend to marry your father what right and I will not stand by and hear you talk to him like that after all he is your father that's never been proved neither foreign [Music] I can understand you know what else mother went through now I can oh yes well I'm not going through it you're not going to put me into an early grave ah well you're all man didn't last long did he you saw him off didn't you I'll tell you in this conversation where are you going nothing to be gained but a nice team yeah no no wait a minute don't go I'm sorry I upset you I didn't mean to you I just got carried away it's just that I got fed up in total for all the time what about all our plans our little cottage in Cornwall my chickens you're you're now gone you can't let a little quarrel change everything very hurtful things you'll stay won't you well you're sure you're sorry all right then Albert let's try and forget all about it I didn't mean all the things I said about you truthfully Coles I didn't not even that bit about mutton done upper slam oh that Heyday this morning when we was talking about it was you want to be now before well if you're forgiven each other you might as well know what's your forgiving each other I mean you don't want to stop married love keeping secrets from each other do you did you say that about me no yes what if I did I didn't mean it like that guess what did you mean well I mean what does it matter it's not important at all right well I would like it did you get your money's worth oh what's the matter with you you're getting very sensitive in your old age aren't you I can't stand it without you picking out your muscles keep my mouth shut if I think you can see that's where it's gonna be is it the bossy time oh I'm not having that thank you I know what you put up with it before now but never did now oh thank you to give me a new ring back the deposit on the cottage I paid that oh yes hi Peter you are all living in the same house with him you have my sympathy now come on clear off get back to your sweet shop I must have been out of my mind wanting to marry a common I wouldn't bother oh it was well out of there wasn't you you was nearly stuck with that belong yeah she must have been told she was dating with a mug yeah they're all the same because you had her number didn't you oh what you you were dead soon earlier you stuck up for yourself they're all right well I got Angie I mean you can't let them tread all over you of course not yeah oh I don't remember saying she was Martin dressed as lamb don't you yeah I thought you did can't remember I could have sworn you did I must have misheard you did she make any pudding before she left a strawberry flan Co get it foreign yeah well I know where I can get a sponge rubber mattress for free knicker be very nice on your bed really I'll get it for you first thing in the morning it will be a present I mean you might as well be comfortable if you're going to stay here yeah oh yeah oh yeah Joe notes her legs my mother marshes ugly great things oh Biryani get one of those across you wouldn't get up and hurry [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] oh yes never stopped all day ever since you left this morning I haven't been off my feet all day we are telling lies again aren't we hi what are you talking about right up that cushioning I jumped out when you heard me coming you've been Kipping again I ain't even working well how's that question has been sitting on it we ain't got cut no always comes in for keep keeps me company I'll get very lonely in here all the time by myself now I want to talk to just me and the cat oh you poor old people all alone just you and a crap from next door which insert answer it must be an enormous great thing about this side what are you talking about that chairs are all the way up mate so if you not cut that size down let's have him lied about wasting his time anyhow let's get him out with a car in between a shot no no run time and it kicks out one probably the Sherlock Holmes you are aren't you Ronnie ain't got your fingerprint paired out and she was out of your cocktail cabinet that's the point what I am I had a Brandy I didn't feel well because my art started jumping again I think I fainted actually I had a blank there's two minutes I can't account for how about two empty Brandy bottles here unless that huge cap from next door had them you're always on at me picking on me accusing me making me life a misery you enjoy it aren't you you enjoy it you make a good God in one of them camps with your Jack Boots on strutting about we had a sergeant in the 1419 warlock that he ended up with a bullet in the back of his nut and it wasn't the German dog that's a watching so these drunken rambling threats have not affected upon me whatsoever the facts speak for themselves a warm turn to empty Brandy bottles adds up to one thing you are a drunk lazy don't you I might as well be dead never drunken breath in the kitchen and I'll bring all the gasoline when you're allowed to otherwise your Goblin flow well much time I've got to get washed and dressed before seven o'clock watch all the rats I've got company guests coming yes you never told me nothing about now okay well I'm telling you no answer hold on I think it's a bit of a liberty I think he should have asked me where my mind I'm not allowed to you know this is my house it might not be convenient I might have plans me and I'm out of gifts coming round have you no then what are you talking about I'm talking about being taken for granted making a convenience in my house she should have asked me you should have asked me if I'm mine or what father have you any objections to me inviting a few friends on here tonight yes I am well hard Luck foreign I'm having a wine and Cheese party what about me I'm hungry I don't have nothing to eat all day that's your fault in it no it's not my fault it's Tuesday and he's in the energy just eat all day it's Tuesday I was looking forward to meet fish and chips you always bring back fish and chip to the Tuesday oh of course I will you get off my Baghdad please he is a pack of crisps I need them and shut up I'll sit down in the corner keep quiet that'll keep me alive I'll just take it a tree well that's all you're getting item and shut up not just a bag of crisps there's no salt in a meter I'm old skin and bound as a Chase it's a welfare office I never heard about you may you be in dead trouble you would and if the mayor's on Wheels around here I made a disgrace for you send you to prison I shouldn't Wonder could leave me both looking after his old dad strangers yeah come in have some cheese onions one not his poor little father though here here's a pack of that feed him and shut up that's nice it's very nice eat that elephant noise foreign flag of the cheese oh I've got a 96 2 on bozole Superior oh and my song all dinner nothing 59. oh dear it is a problem in it oh you're a man of the world I use four years in France what do you suggest to go over Chase what about a 1939 gas mask [Laughter] very slow go and get a teammate a cow's ball in his guts up make a decent cup I'll give you a cream cracker and a piece of cheddar an onion yes a lot I'll be just a bed early oh I forgot I had that shambly music knee 1954 I was nearly half a bottle there [Applause] oh very pleasant without being presumptuous I really must get some more there hey Dad well we got a shambul in mosignee from you know what will we get a shambly music now nine drugs is it no that's a good one that's the real stuff the way you're in that French restaurant that's one of my contacts that is how much does it charge for it all right old avenge on what the customer leaves in the bottle Gene she joined me for that long that's not bad is it oh for bottle of shambly free in a tunnel but it ain't gone off I shall served that hey you might have a cream cracker on a piece of cheese what is a cheeseburger I honestly that I've never occurred here in my book baby I've had investor Chase with Chase marks all over it that it's not often I have friends around for a social evening throughout to understand the camera hi what's that what does it look like it's a green Vice Club I can see the Green Bay crawling blind what's it for I'm going to put it on the table I didn't think he was going to make yourself a drink if you remember this boy what are you put it on the table for what's wrong with the oil so because it isn't even customary not advisable to play cards on an old cloth otherwise when you deal with the cards like I'll shooting off the table and it tends to spoil the game having a scrap around a fall before each hand all right card playing cards yes that is the object of two not sorry I'm having a card still me here you're not having Carlton air I'm not having it your mother is the spawn of the devil that's what she said they were 52 soldiers in Satan's Army after they are they are and I don't have any cards see that the cool I shot a pack of cards unopened 30 years of our days and I've resented to temptation all that time the day before she died your mother made me swear on this unopened pack of cards never to play cards again as long as I lived promised me out but she said that you'll never play cards again as long as you live and just because she's gone I ain't going back on the word can you talk a lot of old cobblers at times it's not a lot of old cobblers who expecting the wishes of a good woman that'd be families in Lexington is all right she didn't mind them you can play them she lies our zombie ridiculous I can't ask a bunch of fully grown men around here to play happy family why not because this is real car players that I don't mess about they're coming over here a play poker okay gambling just for gambling what with money no milk bottle tops they gamble well I'm not having that in this house that's one thing I will not tolerate gambling it's a sin and the wages of sin is death oh God oh my God tambourines will you come to the mission will you come back Hallelujah go on add to the list that's another one entered in the ledger to be to be leveled against you when you're standing outside the gates waiting to get in Hallelujah I'm saying sorry mate now though many of the locks here get down below to the fire and the brimstone and the worms are the eight you up from the inside and that's when you send the demons and the devil's let him kills all eternity unless you repent now you all be on that program with Malcolm Margaret [Music] so Albert stepped out and all his family a raving panchaluna Texas [Applause] when you get down there in among the furnaces and the molting lava and a scream to the millions of tortured souls and they're in the middle of it oh second you heard how's it different well your mother never said nothing about football but don't say any bones only because they come out after she died honestly you twist everything a suit yourself don't you that is gambling isn't it huh well all I know is your mother made yourself quite clear about cards and she and she turned in her grave as she was knew you was playing poker for money but I'll keep on about my mum the only reason she was against cars is because you always lost I bet she never got a housekeeping after the time you never went without food I didn't get rickets for over eating dinner well everybody was hungry there was a slump on uh we never recovered from it in this hour so I'm not going to reproach him for the past let's forget all about it and I don't try to run my life for me if I want to play cards I'm going to play cards if you don't want to watch you can your bedroom and pray full moon you know these people is coming yes I do Harry Wilson he's a cousin who's been in prison well of course he's been in prison so what yeah do the others well they're friends of mine well you don't know I might make many of you cry rather lie about getting there what do they do for a living well right so he's on the snow clearing that's a nice steady job look I know what I'm doing I'm not a child I have fly before you know I must just thought it was a birthday meeting you look I do know what I am doing I have played before it's not the first time you talk as if I'm gonna lose everything well even if you win every hand you're not going to get much out of that LOL oh yeah a jail bird a Blog and a duel and a snow all right that is enough a bit better than before yes once how much did you win how did you know I was yeah I was shaking the world made a mug let him win a few Bob giving the come on and the next time take him to the cleaners oh that is enough look I don't get many mates around here thanks to you these Lads is good company Oh I thought I ain't got jobs they're very nice I'm very generous and that's all it counts with me and look when I come here tonight you behave yourself don't you go out muttering things and putting a mockers on it I mean if you can't give a civil tongue in your bed go to bed foreign [Music] let me introduce you to my father Dad this is George how do you do and this is Martin Mr step till this is a pleasure I've been looking forward to meeting you I've heard so much about you from your son this is Rex I love that hey that's Suave let's go and have a drink we was just remarking as we came across the yard Mr scepter what a very nice place yeah were you yeah it's Georgian isn't it is it oh yes I should think so it's either Georgian or coffee give me the rest Martin he's always talking about architecture reviews you must forgive me Mr Stephen I'm very interested in buildings aren't taking it up my mother always intended I should have been an architect it should have been he wouldn't be on the door would you foreign jobs yes I'm very interested in ours it's all my public housing oh well the couple of two this one's one all right so I'm fully missing me I do sit down make yourselves comfortable oh why the deuce of the great as the poet says a day without wine is a day without some names indeed oh very good Arrow yeah well here's to you Mr oh dear your father doesn't appear to have a drink Carol yeah we ain't got enough glasses oh well then please have mine I mean we can't have a drink without the end of the Arsenal no no he don't drink very wise and he was a sober man is a Vigilant man hey hey yeah well anyway Here's to You Errol cheers here's to a pleasant evening and may the best man win proud of us man we well and Shall We Begin and that is if you will excuse us sir I bet he's a good shuffler are you ready then Arrow yes right now they're narrow you're going to give us a chance to get that 10 pounds that you want yeah yeah what about raising the snakes a bit from last time making a bit more interesting oh no no no no I'm against that I think a penny maximum is quite enough you know it's a friendly game I mean you lose friends there oh it won't hurt just raise it up here give it a bit more excitement no no no I am against it I really am what are you afraid of losing a bit of money no it's not that but we are guests in the afternoon maximum do you wow that's not mad well it is up to you Al I mean you are the house do you want to raise the stakes yeah yeah well I'm not all right then partial is minimum double every race it's a deal [Music] all right then five card draw Jacks to open Draw three because all up in the fireball I'll say that I'll stack and up five Shillings make that a pound I'll save that and up two pounds and I'll see that some of the law how many cards Harold two please three please Marty how many cards is you having uh none of lady don't take any nose with me bluffing he always does four pounds to play I thought you said he was bluffing you're four pounds and up four pounds too much for me oh how he thinks I smell a little Full House hey in which case you're for National assistance how would you like Chuck it in and hand the cheese around you can't Chuck it in there if he's got a good hand no he's got a good and his money down the drain I still reckon he's bluffing you got out quick didn't you I didn't have anything my Martin how much do I have to put in to see you eight pounds exactly I'll see you I got a flush full health a running flash running flash on the truck 678 9 10. may I excuse me taking candy off a kid so much for the 20 quid they got you got all of them beginners let Mr Steph tell the night is yet young plenty of time for it to go the other way your dealer would you pass the cheese and biscuits oh [Music] this time mate bubble back stay pick it up Barrel pick what I'll just put that down look I've got four ices four races [Music] James yeah at least you have one iron that's the important thing you've broken the spell yes I've seen that happen before there you are now you tell them Martin I always box them right then same again yes I've seen about losing at this time of night and finish up cleaning everybody out what's the time I really must be going up to you I'll be I might as well opened Bob Bob I have nothing here even if I take five cards normally stack oh there we go how many cards you want oh I'll play these oh gee that does sound ominous a dealer takes one after you Arrow 1200 oh dear is that all you got left Arrow oh dear now that is distressing isn't he I mean except in all his hospitality and taking all his money too now really is distressing that is well in that case uh but to see you as well what do you got Harold four sevens that's all oh dear out there what I am terribly sorry foreign that's me scrubbed up oh Jesus I'm so early too well that's early to bed and early tonight Ah that's the spirit here yeah I ain't got any money oh music we can take the job and get some bitter again will this be a honor well in that case I think we might stretch your boys sentimental reasons you see his wife gave me these 30 years ago just before she died and they still unopened I'd like to think that the first game of trade since she passed on was with her cards you have a play cards for 30 years he won't let me in case I think we might raise up yeah like to be patient with an old man no then how do you play this game [Music] [Applause] [Music] any longer thank you particularly as now we'll have to be walking home good night [Music] all right son 68 quitter but they don't come around again in hurry I'm doing a very good card players yeah and I was cheating I was tucking you out I would yes they were out early I was watching him he was eating off the bottom he was working the old three finger drag with his thumb on the top the oldest tricking a business because you knew we would have a team why don't you tell me it would have been any point that way we've only got our money back this way we got theirs as well take a look to them it's a diamonds the king of smile you crafty owl devil don't you live by the sword some Paris By The Sword never play cards with someone you don't know can't you guys you know with you I'll tell your glasses off then [Applause] thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all right [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] never anybody don't want him I'll meet up my booze if I catch him all Remy's called screw right up his Dutchy little nose everything here I'm on the airport old man there's no money here Michelle will be in in a minute I have I know yeah we're always service man with only one lung foreign [Music] [Laughter] what the hell have you got there is a Sunland or found in the yard I'm ended it this morning I've been trying it out they're good apart from making you brown They bombard you with vitamins it's like the sun you see it gets into your paws and as you go at your bones on a mark there's things we don't get enough sun in this country laughs well I think you must have caught the touch of it this is an ordinary electric light bulb yeah 60 watts natural Pearl you're supposed to have an UltraViolet one in it and another one in Germany Brown of course about Sonia Brown you could sit on the back till doomsday that won't make any difference the winner for that well that one that's nothing to you I mean you are a fool to yourself sometimes it would have been someone else who would come in here and seen you sit in stock making at an ordinary electric light bubble a pair of goggles on that carded you off straight away there's blocks in there can't get out for much less from that there was no book of instructions with it I can't be expected to keep up with everything that's going on how come and do something you can understand something you're an expert at it is called unloading the clock oh yes you have a good day ah that is more like it now we shall see Superior little white man's brain spring into action and rubbish that's all the remains of a Tatty consumer Society you've been listening to that bloke the glasses again aren't you he's a bad influence he had any more money off yeah well I choose to give the party is no concern of yours you're coming I don't know why I want to keep on about Elvis around the government they're doing their best I do not switch to discuss it with your father well alone we're doing all right aren't we man does not live on washing machines alone had something else you heard of him isn't it look if you wish to carry on living in this degrading free-for-all society that is entirely up to you I know what I want you want to turn around the area that's what you want yes Peter would you be so calling how about the ground nuts scheme yes Dad that didn't send down the price of peanuts did it no I don't believe it did though oh foreign [Music] [Music] bone Merchant not a dealer in death not your rabbiting all about them you must be realistic you have got to have coffins I wonder someone is going to need these coffins there's nothing you or I can do about that that is the way of the world that is it was ever thus that is it and we might as well make a few Bob albums let somebody else have them they are not staying in this yard of course not they're going in the house what I'm not leaving them out here to get what but good to walk coughing it's you let's watch oh no no no Dave they're going to have a house and that is over is to it now come on give me in I'm telling you Harold those coffins going to my house Over My Dead Body well that's one sale oh which one do you fancy oh there must be one year to fit you are tall are you yeah how about this one eh look very comfortable no nuts holes keeps out of a drawer you'd like to see me in one of them wouldn't you you'd like to see me off you can't wait can you come on now I think you could bring that in my house Harold please don't do it you're tempting fake adults oh there you are talking foolish times when you come to think of it you are a primitive little man aren't you put a little superstitions so over the left shoulder duck cross over stairs don't cross knives please don't have umbrellas in the ass oh damn you put your boots on the table I thought man must be first to be asked New Year's Day spitting on a couple and almonds oh my God the almonds we have had across our dogs sweat on a spider otherwise it will rain I'll never forget the diver that Sparrow won't drop dead at my feet you said that that meant that I was going to be prime minister don't you love the Germans I've seen too many of them in midday use scoffwind and pigeon settled on Mrs Bentley's roof didn't you I said hello that's an almond she's not long to go and it was right she was dead inside 18 months day she was a hundred and two foreign 200 years ago they would have burned you I am here to tell you that you're asking for trouble having coffins in the house if they stay in here this house will be a house of morning well I hadn't exactly been a fun Palace for the last 20 years straight out of Dickens this place is Margie I don't think Fagan could have lasted more than a couple of nights in this house come to think of it you're a little bit like him aren't you Harold my dear what sort of junk have you got for me today what little trinkets have you got for me my idea [Music] Aaron please get rid of them and Omen of Doom oh they did I was a moment of Doom that wouldn't be alive Undertaker left in the country then it'll be stretched out in their own boxes I've been in a funeral shop they have got room fulls of coffins they don't bother them they're upstairs in the flat laughing and drinking and joking the only time they're sad mate is when business is slack hold up that's different that's their profession and a very nice one it is too much see there's three things that the human race has got to do eat drink and snuff it you're getting on any one of those mate and you're set up for Life the freebies beef boobs and boxes you can't go wrong if you don't even have to dig your own house you know we ought to think seriously about going in for this lot full time like step towels there's a marvelous name for an Undertaker oh Dave I can see you now in a topic walking slowly beyond the courtage you'd make a marvelous Undertaker today you have got the right sort of miserable face for it you'll be a knockout with the relatives you are too sensitive mate you want to be like me don't let it bother you there's no point in mind about it when you have got to go dead you have got to go yourself as good at verse the church keeps telling us it is we ought to be queuing up to go don't you start blaspheming not with coffins in the house quite nice don't they that's simple pleasing aesthetically pleasing to the eye wouldn't you say they're a bit Scandinavian really don't you think for the last time Aaron I'm asking you to get them out of there right if they stay I go what do you mean I'm not sleeping in the house full of coffins you're serious aren't you yes you would actually rather leave them being the same answer I'm afraid so I didn't think it'd effective it's just the way I'm built oh that's the way it's got to be where can I get in touch with you thank you callous little bleed Yuri well that's what you worry I wonder if you leave now your Mr sacrifice of the chicken 12 o'clock sharp bring your own masks show your poor old father out in a night like this I'm not throwing you out you could stay as long as you want so I don't care I can't say you're forcing me out do you think I could sleep up there now that these were down here well as long as you stay up there and these remain down here you've got nothing to worry about have you oh come on make up your mind I want to look up you stand and going right we're gonna sleep in the stable what would work oh with all that straw and that smell it'll be pure out there with an innocent animal done in here with the smell of the evil and death where's neonic and then over there oh come on third you can't spell very well not dishonest yet it's cold and it's stamped I don't care I'll be all right but what about your chest it'd be bad for your chest well I've slept under worse conditions in the trenches I manage oh come on thanks I mean they can't bother you oh I'm not stepping footing as the house under there out of here if you like to stay there on your own and take your chance it's up to you why what's wrong with them I'm into the army little bits of wood now to go into a certain shape you imagine very little imagination that's all I can say I remember seeing a play once it was about this blog he slept in house with a coffin and when they found him next morning he was a whitehead Raven maniac sleep well oh well leave the door unlocked in case she wasn't coming yeah oh shut up move over and give us that bleeding blanket all the way up I'll go the rubbish they have pumped into him he'll believe anything after a while even is there anybody about can you hear me I should have bought the whole lot still I couldn't have got 300 in here laughs white and raping maniac he'll wake up a maniac if that all starts jumping about in the middle of the night oh I better get off oh God I got 400 political Pampers to fold up tonight [Music] foreign [Laughter] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] are you all right [Music] are you asleep what are you alive it's made that apparel yeah [Laughter] I'll just come out and see if he was all right I was worried about you awesome all right I was well away then I was having a marvelous dream about Mary Pickford what are you watching don't you think you ought to come in come in where India I'm not going in there I told you well I think you ought to that it supporting me right not in here it's not well let's have a cold oh no it's lovely in here go back to bed leave me alone the lights has gone you know probably needs another Shilling in the meter yes yes well that's it you see I haven't got any very end of ours in the front room yeah Dad I think you ought to come in no but look look Dad I can't let you stay out here on your own all night and if you was to have one of your turns in the middle of the night and I wasn't here to look after you I'd never forgive myself what are you talking about I'm not going to want to be trans I feel fine just let me go back to sleep Mary's waiting for me I mean if you insist on staying out here I should just have to share the general discomfort with you that is all you come prepared didn't you not all I bought this for you in case you wasn't Comfortable Liar they're your blades I recognize the blankets you would bring your stuff out here for me look I'm not prepared to sit here I'll give a toss with you all night it is very light huh that's better it's quite nice in here really isn't it you know what Dad good night dad what I hope you didn't miss interpret my reasons for coming out here tonight now I don't think so I mean I would like you to think I was here because I was frightened of course now it's just that I was worried about you out here in this thunderstorm yeah all right go to sleep I mean I could have stayed in there all night if it hadn't been for you I mean it doesn't bother me but what are you going on already for a while I just don't want you to think I was scared that's all now all right good night look on that now watch everyone I'm coffins tomorrow will you come back in the house yes oh what then I'll get rid of the good just for you you understand oh yeah it's cool thank you arrows that is all right ah I still don't understand what you were scared about consider if you're scared you're scared that's all this to it you can't help it there's nothing to be ashamed of I mean we can't up the mate we are made can we I mean it's just it some of us are not quite so strong-willed as others that's all we can't help it so saw it now dead I'm out here with you you're what I'll look after you mate the coffins is over there and we're over here I will let it bother you anymore dad dad okay up dagger slept for me they woke up or drink a water [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Louis Walkden

Views: 45,716

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Id: P0Nmz1Q4VTc

Length: 85min 40sec (5140 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 06 2023