State in Life Part 2: Married & Single life ~ Fr Ripperger

maybe the Father Son the Holy Ghost in it direct Oh Lord all our actions by the Holy inspirations partner them on by that gracious assistance so that every prayer and work of ours may begin from the abide if you have an in through Christ our Lord Our Lady of divine grace pray for us maybe father suddenly Ghost amen this conference of course is on state in life specifically family which means there's different aspects of that so if you're the family family life actually probably the more specifically it be marriage and the things within the confines of marriage in marriage there are several different considerations regarding our duties according to our state in life marriage is twofold first just a little bit of theology behind it the relationship to marriage there's two aspects to it that needs sorting out first the first is the natural law or the nape that the natural structure that got built into marriage and its primary end of course is children so that means according to your state in life it's all going to revolve around in the things that the couple would have been relationship to their children then the marriage of the sacraments in relationship to the sacrament the end of the sacrament of matrimony is not children that's a common misunderstanding it's actually a salvation to to involved so obviously in order that the sacrament built upon the natural law so you still have this primary and in relationship to children in relationship to the natural law structure of marriage so this means that those who are in the sacrament of matrimony their primary obligation and duties the state in life is to do whatever necessary to help each other to save their souls that's their primary and in relationship to how everything that they do even in relationship to the children that's their primary goal and this is something to kind of keep in mind so when you talk about a state in life in marriage talk about somebody who's under a contract in marriage in which body rights have been exchanged okay that contract and you've heard me say this the term covenant is just a different it's just a form on a contract it's not it might have certain nuances that are little bit different to it but it's not somehow completely different from a contract which has been made out in certain modern theological circles okay I'm talking to mentioning the the tradition the relationships in marriage then obviously every time they're here in a state there are certain duties that are required in relationship to your state in life so in marriage because the nature of marriage contract they used to always break it down into what they call bed and board in the English and so this is basically pretty straightforward bed basically means that once the bottom rights are exchanged that one of the spouses has a right to ask for the marital debt and the other person has an obligation gravely it's a grave obligation to render the marital debt unless there's grave reason to the contrary okay and there can be legitimate grave reasons to the contrary obviously we're talking about in the order of justice so this is all in the order of justice in the order of charity however they the charity is going to govern ultimately when they would ask for that marital down under what circumstances and things of that sort okay so then of course then there's the board by the way the bed also refers there's a couple of things that this refers to it means that a wife has a right to in fact the word for go into this word matrimony comes from the word monetary munoz which means literally the office of motherhood or the office of the mother and so it basically means that matrimony is really all about making a woman into a mother that's what they used to say historically okay that being the case the the justice part in relationship with that is that the mother has a right for the husband to render the marital debts that she can become a mother this is one of the reasons why if he is to use something like contraception or she is there's a violation of justice in relationship to the two okay john paul ii talks about that but in a slightly different way okay this also means a relationship to the husband that he has a right to have children with his wife so and this is important because this means like for example the government can't step in and said you can only have one child that's not the nature of it the this is a natural structure that supersedes the state's rights and their ability to make any statements okay this is has to do with that so that that also means that and we'll see about this a little bit later that the husband has a right that the wife fulfill her duties in relationship to the children and also in relationship that husband in relationship to the wife and children which we'll see here in just a little minute board means this is cohabitation you actually live together the addition the church says that when you're married you have an obligation to live under the same roof and they're it's only for grave causes can you be separated for any length of time now this this is why for example of some goes off if it's more than three to four weeks the new code of canon law still requires that they have to have permission of their pastor in order to be separated from their wife for that length of time okay if I'm not mistaken but I know if historically that was always the case so Jay I have an obligation to live together now this cohabitation means also that they here we're not talking just about the fact that you live under the same roof but you have a right to be treated civilly by each other you have in relationship to the sacrament of matrimony that you should be treating each other with charity on a regular basis etc okay the board also meant two things in relationship to the Father it meant that he had a right that the wife would fulfill her duties according to what's called natural delegation what does that mean it's clear to all of us who have any semblance of rationality that men and women are just different all right okay now I know modern technology say well there's no difference you know the Brits are completely the same of course then they did brain studies and found out that the wiring women's brains and men's brains are not completely different the size of certain parts of their brains are different women have a larger part of the speech center and that's obvious for two reasons one women like to talk more women actually get 10 times more pleasure out of talking and then do in their brain why because it's worked for children it's necessary it's a perfection ironically for the children no it's not that for her husband right it's bad for the children okay now doesn't mean that she can't use that to facilitate proper communication marriage of some what I'm talking about but it means that it's ordered tours because they also know if you don't talk to children regularly on a regular basis it's went before the age of two or three they won't develop the proper skills or by five they won't develop the proper speech skills so they've had cases where kids were isolated until they were like 10 or 11 years of age they were never really talked to the kid never develops speech so when they started to teach the kid to speak they now that the kids wiring in the brain there were certain parts of grammar that the kid could never properly grasp or understand or make proper use of because the wiring had already solidified and it was unable to process that stuff so usually in the area of like definite articles and things of this sort we should have kind of already known that a little bit because there's certain there's certain languages that don't have use of definite articles and as a result of that when they learn English for example they're all over the map when it comes to the definite and indefinite articles they don't have a clue how they work right okay so anyway okay so this natural delegation means that because of the structure that got built into feminine psychology and biology that women are simply designed there's certain perfections that women have that there are towards as a result of this so for example women just have a much better grasp as a general rule on how to arrange things within the home it's called the nesting principle women will just simply start arranged it right and so recently a friend of mine was asking me all sorts of questions about should I have this for my son and this for my son and this special Saturday kids he's in Borneo why should be asking me these questions not you I mean anyway although lucky I understand he just really wanted to be a good father but the point is is that women have just a general sense about how things are arranged part of that is because women have a greater inclination to the virtue of modesty as a general rule than asserting speech but at least in dress and also in comportment that means that women have a gentle because women were designed to be more concerned about their appearance which we talked about I think at a prior time they have a better sense of decorum how certain things fit together and when they don't fit together right so I'm always nervous when you get these guys who are interior decorators there's always something a little off right so whereas women have that kind of that natural capacity to kind of see how these things now ultimately it's true that the father has the head of a whole he's responsible for everything in the home everything literally everything but by a natural delegation because God designed women that would be better at certain things than men as a general rule again that means that it's God's intention that they do these specific things and so this is part of her duties unless there's some reason she can't fulfill it then the father should fulfill it that this means that the husband or the father has a right that the life fulfill those duties now that essentially means that the the husband has a right a natural life and it's a grave one for a wife to stay home with the children as long as there's children home and even to stay home to take care of that the the home in general that's his right okay that doesn't mean that she couldn't necessarily do some women who work outside the home and there's no children there or if he becomes necessary by necessary I mean gravely so she may have to work outside the home but that's because of the fact that there's some kind of failing on the side of st. Thomas's there's a famine on the side of the masculine side but because he's not talking about failing necessarily morally he's just saying there might live in a culture where both just to survive both may have to work but normally speaking that should not be the case and society has an obligation to structure it that way which brings up a very important point this means that part of their duties is to we'll talk about this a little bit later to is to bring children up to the age of majority and so that means that by the time a person reaches the age of 18 because I think you've heard me say this by the time they reach the age of 18 they should be able to step out of our home and live completely on their own without any kind of major issues so that's something that that's the full of the parents okay the next one is in relationship to the mother she has a right because of the fact of by the way God's punished Eve and said your punishment shall be that you shall bear children and pain and you'll raise them and then I'm also cause your pain okay so basically what this means is is that God intended for the wife as a general rule to stay home with the children as a general rule the father again has that right if he's fighting everything for him that he has a right for her to stay home this is a grave right this is why I tell people if a woman is working outside the home without sufficient cause while children under the age of reason her home it's grave matter because he has this right and the children also have this right the children need the mother at home in order to begin that to come to full maturation virtue etc by the entire a stage of 18 and when the wife isn't there God can provide her nature is lacking but as a general rule when the wife isn't there due to some type of neglect of her duties because she wants to have a career whatever the case is which by the way I don't never understand why women wanted a career for this reason God gave the punishment of working to Adam so I say I wants to tell the woman why do you want the punishment for women and the punishment for app why don't you just stick to from and not carry on any more than you have to all right okay that all being said the other thing I think that is part and parcel of our culture today is the failure to grasp the value of woman's place in the home the fact of the matter is is that this is something that we're seeing in spades our culture is just getting do for young kids are a mess and all sorts of reasons but I'll mention this I think I might have mentioned this another time if there was a psychologist that I work with from time to time to do something sponson tation with her and she told me that one of the things she was doing was is doing an analysis of why these kids were walking into places like McDonald's and schools and mowing people down with machine guns why were they doing this and she said the only thing they found that they had in common is that they had gone to daycares and the only thing she can figure is that they were suffering from this affective disorder which is the inability to emotionally connect people this is one of the reasons why women have a stronger emotional life is because the first five years are absolutely crucial for people to be able to develop those abilities to connect with people emotionally if they don't develop within those first five years it's pretty much over right so this is one of the reasons why it's so crucial for women to stay at home so you've heard me say that line from GK Chesterton which I've always liked he said he could never understand why women wanted to vote now women voting is a whole another topic which I had to talk about some other point but the the the he said he I can't understand why women would want the vote he said because a woman's vote if she votes doesn't mean anything its impact on society is negligible whereas she can make or break a nation by the way she raises a single child the impact that women have on the structure of society just by how they raise children is so absolutely crucial and that's all being forgotten of course this is all the product of the Communists which you can read that in the listen to that in my other homily on women in the natural order okay the mother has a right therefore because her duties are consummate with her national delegation the mother has a right to stay home with the children unless there's grave cause this is something that I think is important there's a lot of times guys are trying to push their wives out into the workforce and the wife has a right to stay home with the children she has a right to stay there okay the only time that she would have to put that right aside as if there was some grave cause like they're gonna lose the house or the children were starving or something of that sort not to get another boat or the next car but in order to have what does that what's necessary these are those beings that that's their duty so that means on the side of the father has an obligation therefore to provide for them both in two ways one materially he has an obligation to go out and get a job in two actually to be able to provide for his family this is why historically in the past they would tell people look you can't marry you can't assume the essential obligations they would say this to a to a man you can't assume the essential obligation of marriage before buy of supporting your wife if you don't have a job or they don't have an aperture right okay so having has to be able to provide for them materially this is one of the problems with the way our culture is structured and I think you might have heard me say this before but I'll mention it again if you look at the way nature is structured people go through puberty it varies obviously women go through it slightly earlier than men and they go through periods so by the time they're somewhere between twelve and fourteen they've gone through puberty then you need about two to three years of maturation of emotional maturation in order to build a sufficient virtue so that you can actually have go out and get married and have children okay that's the way it's structured so the way it looks is that most women should be able to marry sometime between the ages of 17 and 19 most men it's it's delayed a year it should basically because of certain reasons st. Thomas gives a bunch of them but the point is is that it should basically he should come to the point where he can support a family or have everything in place doing these 18 and 20 years of age 18 to 19 so that the marrying time should be roughly about the same this structure that is in nature that we see means that the inclinations towards the marital debt are in place at that point so that it barring some kind of grace the fact of the matter is is that that's when people should be married as a general rule our culture is structured in a way in two words are in two ways that delay that one financially because we have not set it up so that people will have adequate education by the time they reach the age of 18 why because high schools as a general rule most people are close by time to finish high school and learn a thing in four years what they have learned is inadequate historically during the medieval period people actually started college at 14 you are done with your bachelor's at 18 there was none that's playing around and not messing around today people go to college and it's just an extension of high school for another four years or they don't hardly do anything and they get down at the other end they got this piece of papers and they were getting them to go work the problem is that it's delaying that process and then we wonder why there's such a problem of a sixth commandment right now okay the sec so they've got this problem of the so they we've delayed the financial ability for a man support his family it's a serious problem this is also though one of the reasons why men trying to Christianize into the trades more and face it as they look if you're only go to college if you want to do something like be a doctor or a lawyer or something that's important that specific profession otherwise don't go to college go into a trade okay the second thing is part that also has to do the whole dead thing but the other part of it is too is is that we've delayed the maturation process which you've heard me talk about before - the maturation process today because we allow boys to basically be irresponsible because they don't have to prove they don't have to do anything which shows that they can actually provide for anybody you know they don't take responsibility for something to do the job right and make sure it's done right it cetera they usually don't contribute to anything in the home they're just sitting around watching TV and eating all day long or playing on the games etc as a result of that it's actually a Detroit basically by the time they reach the age of 18 there's still 10 or 14 emotionally we talked about this before but that means that it gets delayed so that by the time they actually get to somewhere where they're actually at mature enough to marry there's somewhere between 26 and 30 and now it's getting even later so we have a huge problem along that line and this is not what married but nature had intended at all this in my estimation they mean they need to completely restructure the educational system so that most people not all most people would be able to support a family by the time they reach 20 years of age and people are ready to marry at that point okay but he has an obligation to provide materially but then also spiritually as head of the household as head of the household he has to provide spiritually he is the primary individual of Providence in the family it's his job for most of anybody in the family to be praying the most doing the most penance doing those things necessary of course obvious he's gotta do to fulfill his duties in relationship to working to but outside of that he should be the most spiritual individual in the family providing for that that's his job okay this obviously this means too because the wife has to stay home and take care of the children you know I always like this how they'll get women I think women can do anything a man can do oh really I used to have a pastor he grew a moustache and so and the only reason he had the mustache was whenever he would hear that from from from women he would just say grow underneath but I told him you'd better be careful because in Italy so those older women can do that but anyway the point being is is that don't bring in you know they'll have guys who can lift all these weights right then they'll bring in some woman who's like 350 pounds you know Tess he comes in here and she lifts the weights and manages to lift 200 pounds you know I should say see they can do anything about it well yeah but the exception proves the rule that as a general rule God had intended very distinct things for women because of the nature of this natural delegation that God gave to women she's not designed to work in hard physically intensive labor kinds of things in the same way that a man is so and this is not true just in physiologically but also psychologically as a result of that that means that they used to call women the weaker sex by weaker they usually would mean physically weaker and that's by God's design I'd be a little weird if women had the same physiology as men right okay so the point being is is that that meant that the husband also had the obligation to protect so and part of this is twofold again yes to protect them materially this means that nothing these are his duties according to his state in life he has an obligation to protect mature this is why it's his place if that some intruder comes into the house it shouldn't be his wife who's running for the gun it should be him okay this all and so he also has to protect the children etc then it also is spiritually but the spiritual has two components one he has an obligation to protect them on a moral level yeah it's his place to keep all the morally bad things out of the house now the wife has Austin's obligation to but it's ultimately his responsibility and she's just basically there assisting him is she's her his helper not slavery as I mentioned help her it's his place to help her place to help morally she's usually going to be the one who's gonna give the primary world for me that's true but he's the judge person it's his place to protect the children morally and that means even for themselves when they act up and do stupid things it's ultimately his place to make sure that you that the kids behave my father my mom was one of those moms that if she just his way to your father gets home out of it I mean you just complied because my father even though he's a very my father was a very meek man in a certain sense he rarely got anger we got angry got angry but when he but he didn't he didn't give that angry but when we weren't in for example and we were in Mass during Mass when we were little kids all it took there was one thing we feared and this is what kept us being very pious at Mass that was my father's little novel because if you started acting up it was just around the top hit right here right so that's all it took right and it's the same thing with my father they know through psychological studies that the deeper voice carries more weight to it and as a result it comes across more authoritative this is why the father can it's easier for the father post because it's his physiology and his his ability his let his speech everything it's easier for him he carries more force authoritative Lee and as a result of that he it's easier for him to impose certain things I've heard women complain you know he the kids won't let I'll pay me but as soon as the father comes home that now then they'll do what they're supposed to do okay that's that's just part of psychology now it's fallen psychology granted children she just obey their mother to because she's actually fulfilling the duties of the she's helping the father fulfill his duties because he's the one responsible for all this she's the helper so the disc gets accomplished and so when you disobey your mother you're also disobeying your father it's that simple okay the next one is also spiritual in that sense of demonic he it's his place to keep the demons out of that everybody's hair okay and his authority as the father also means his ability to command them as far more powerfully than even the watch to certain agree okay so these are their duties they have to do all of this we'll be certain aspects that are fluid so for example some people will say only the husband should to have anything to do with the finances I don't think that's necessarily true some will say you know the husband takes money taking it make the money and why should you have everything to do with the finances you take care of the finances I don't think that's true either it's fluid based upon those particular things ultimately the responsibility is the husband's but the husband can delegate it to say here you take care of these things because I don't want to deal with a little what-have-you so there can be a certain fluidity on certain things on other things there is no fluidity by the way because the father and the husband's job is to provide and protect for the children it means that the life and the children have a right to be provided for and protected in all of these different ways so this is where the rights become part of our duties that we have to do certain things usually neglect sets in because of the fact that some of these duties are difficult so for example one of the things that you're seeing among the Millennials right now is they don't want to work right even the boys the boys it was really bad you don't want to work at all and then what the wife's gotten work so they don't have to work as much you know when my parents grew up there understand the father's understanding the husband's understanding of his obligation to provide for the family was so ingrained in them that at one point my father actually worked three jobs to provide for his family so that my mom could stay at home three jobs today most guys I've actually heard a guy from that generation say I'm only working 40 hours we can't have enough money you're gonna have to go out and work so this is a bit of a problem okay then this by the way the father has a right because the father his duty is to determine the call to the family which basically means how the religious practices are to be executed it's his place to make those final determinations the wife can make suggestions but it's ultimately his ability it's his things that can make those that obligate it it's his place to make those determinations very often what happens is okay so this is the structure of the thing how does it end up going awry well it goes awry in two ways one in which we talked about and I think in one of our conferences in the past we talked about the fact that men because of the curse of Adam tend to be irresponsible and effeminate and they don't come up to speed in relationship to these things because doing these things is difficult and hard so that's one of the things that ends up causing it on the side of women we talked a little bit about this already and we need to basically have to do with the curse of Eve which the person Eve's the structure and the curse of Eve is threefold in relationship to that so if you want to know about my the problem of men you can listen to the conference on how to raise a man that you see with men with women the curse of Eve is essentially has three components to it the first is she has a greater desire for marriage your desire shall be for your husband now this means that as a general rule it's harder for women to live independently than men it's easier for got to be a bachelor I think than for women to be a bachelorette okay the second thing is is that in Hebrew you've heard me talk about this it means the desire to control this control then has a secondary component that's connected to it and that has to do with the way in which even end up falling and what happened afterwards so Eve takes it upon herself to eat the fruit which means that she trusted her own judgment and she trusted the emotional delight that she was getting out of looking at the fruit and her judgment about that over and above her husband's possible judgment about what was supposed to be done so as a result of that women very often have this idea that they may see things they know what's right more than their husbands okay so have to do with their judgment they think is better than their husbands as a general rule then after the fall what happens well Adam eats the fruit which means you didn't have a good judgment either but then what ends up happening is is that she looks at him and because it's his sin that affects the children she looks at him and thinks that he can't do anything right so I'm sure you've heard that joke you know when I got married he was mr. right five years after marriage I realized he couldn't do anything right okay this is a structure that is the result of the sin of Eve these are these trees these - primarily these two have to be conquered because these are the ones that cause two things one for a woman - ultimate minuted neglect her duties she's so focused on what she thinks is the right thing to do very often or that her husband just doesn't see what the issue that she's not tending to her own thing she should be focusing on the second thing is is that the control is directly contrary to the husband's headship and so that's something that in and it's not just in matters of externals although that's the primary thing because guess what the children because because the father is has is the head of the household the children have a right to be governed according to that specific structure and therefore they actually have a right both the husband has a right that he does that he's not trying to be controlled and the children have a right that the wife not control the husband and that she not control their upbringing except insofar as it is subordinate to his second it also that it primarily has to do with the internals does this mean the principal thing one of the principal things that every saint accomplishes in the course of their becoming holy is a inherent distrust in their own judgment that means that even their emotional life comes into congruity with why the incongruity with that distrust so that they would much rather rely on an external source who has a proper authority tone than what to do then then following their own judgment about a particular matter this is a very key thing because it means and this is true even of men because men have to do what they have to rely on the church or a spiritual director or whatever but this means that the wife will never reach sanctity if it's not if it's if she's just doing it externally ain't good enough she has to master this internally which means she has to get to the point where she realizes that what her judgment can easily be affected by her increased emotional life which by the way her judgment is affected because harlot curse of Eve the father's mature say is that her emotional life is less controlled because it because there's more of it and it's more integrated into her psychology for the sake of the children which is a good thing but as reason but because of original sin most of the good stuff is now gone awry and so the emotions are more so more likely to affect her judgment the second thing is is that because of this whole curse of evil where she tends to drive trust her own judgment and see the faults or husband then what ends up happening is is that she thought that then you get this reciprocal thing is that she thinks she's got to control the guy right okay but she will never reach sanctity until she conquers that desire to control all right in religious life with women that desire to control his conference room B D ins okay and this is something that's really important because in the end even people who are under religious vows have to trust the judgment of their superiors to some degree right they just have to say you know if they don't know why but he's telling me to go out and water the plants I go out and water plants right I just do it okay this is something that is absolutely key because it's this moderating understanding of this moderation in her judgment and then as a result of this this would usually fall into place when children see that the wife is not trying to control her husband we're trying to control them there is a specific virtue that they see in their mother that automatically endears them in the same at the husband and as modesty specifically decorum they see how her interior life and how everything she's doing fits so perfectly the circumstances in modern English modern we don't use this term much anymore we used to call this grace that women had a certain great leg these women who had this under control had a certain grace about them there was a certain kind of perfection in manifestation so okay so what's this all about to do with children man what's their state in life it's to be abused no okay because the chilling to their state in life because children especially in the beginning don't have the proper formation their proper state in life their duties are state life is principally obedience until they reach the age of majority okay and then also but they also have the obligation of preparing themselves or cooperating with that preparation it gets into the point of pronounce where they can actually do what they need to do that's when they reach the age of 18 so children neglect their duties when they're neglecting their studies when they're told that you need to say this when they're neglecting the legitimate commands of their parents go out and do this work when they're neglecting working on specific virtues when they know they're supposed to have them that's their duty why because they're due there their state in life is what the state of imperfection and their goal is perfection so that input by perfection we mean in or of maturation both physically and psychologically morally so that means that by the time they reach 18 they should have sufficient virtues in all the areas in order to India to enter into marriage which I mentioned before so that's their principle according their duties they're stayed in life the difficulty is when we go through peer relief there's a deepening of self-reflection and a grasping of the moral principles to some degree the problem is is that the emotional life also increases and so this brings up a particular point this also applies to men and women and it's something that we have to keep in women have to keep in mind that because I know there's certain women who have mastered that internal state and they just say look when I started getting emotional I know it now is not the time to start talking I just shut down until I get this thing under control right okay but that has to do it the fact that our intellect when it makes a judgment goes back to we've all seen this goes back to the image and if that image is affected by the emotion then what ends up happening is that my judgment in relationship to what the actual circumstances are the situation is compromised the problem is in order to have good judgment two things are necessary one you have to have a clear image now this means in order to know what the prudent thing is to do you have to have the UK it has to be dissipations not emotional so the second thing is that you have to have a series of memories by which to properly prepare the image for the reason young people are very often imprudent is because of the fact that they don't have the sufficient memories in order to prepare the proper images provide judgements second of all then they need habits of judgment specifically in relationship to the moral principles they need to know which principles apply here and now but when you're first coming out of the gate after purity you don't really understand how these things work you might understand the precepts you know like don't lie and don't steal and things of that sort but the principles in order to judge them in the concrete requires all this to come together and that's not sufficiently developed until a person region of a certain age this is why I said there has to be a two to a three year with maturation period for all this to come into place in order so that there's virtues and emotions and the right memories are being done there's proper habits of judgment so that when a person reaches a certain stage they've got it together so and is this possible eighteen oh yeah absolutely I've seen them before they're just very very rare these days okay so this means that in all of this that why do children end up saying being disobedient because they don't understand the principles well very often but be their emotion st. Thomas does I love this line st. Oh says emotions affect our judgement by making us when we look at the image we tend to think that the thing is worse than it is or better than an action yes but not as this and so it's not till there's sufficient virtue and the emotions do you have sufficiently clear images to see things as they actually are and this is something this is why children have to just be patient when they start coming through when they go through period their images are increased they have greater clarity their imagery etc but they still don't have the habits and everything sufficiently developed and the proper habits of judgment develops order to do this and this is why there that's why they have to shift parents have to shift from counsel to command because habits are voluntary the child has to be developing them on their own they can't you can't in the beginning stages you just have to tell you do acts salt command and that's to build up the proper associations and patterns of behavior but when they go but then as they go through pure being they start understanding things they get certain intellectual understanding of things they can start developing that a little bit on our own but it's not until I actually go through period that they actually started having that fullness of that ability to develop the virtue but that means though that they have to rely on counsel because part of prudence is docility taking counsel with people who know better and the problem is when were younger we think we know everything I'm sure you've heard that joke everybody's heard that joke you know when I was 18 my parents didn't know anything when I was 25 I realized they had really gotten intelligence in the last seven years right okay the point being is is that it's necessary for people to be quickly fallen to counsel in relationship with their parents or follow the past counsel that their parents have given them they have to get into that habit if they're going to act rightly okay so these are the dude this is our state and life in relationship to that that's our duties last what I want to talk about just very briefly is let's cut something called the single state okay and this is somebody who's not married or under vows of some sort that isn't they're not a religious a priest or some of that sort and they're not married okay now and st. Thomas says that nature had intended for every there's what they called the general will of God the general will of God is that everybody gets married that's the general will everybody gets married why do we know that because he designed all of us with bodies ordered towards marriage okay everybody gets married however this days of course also say that there is also however the specific will of God in which God intends where God gives somebody a specific grace to forgo thei inclinations of marriage in order to have perfect service to him so it's something ordered towards him it's a specific there's a specific grace so historically someone who is single over a certain age and wasn't married yet st. Thomas's phrase for that is in costume now most people think that means in the house no it actually comes from cantare which means to fall it basically means that they're in a state or in a situation where the circumstances he says has failed in some way doesn't mean the person necessarily has but the circumstances just hasn't provided the right maid or the right circumstances from the end to the priesthood or what have you so this he says this in Casso he says the relationship to God is prayer intense Jonah its Heights aside from his intention God still intends for everybody either to get married or to enter into a religious life that's his that is the context of his will so when people say well I think God is calling me to the single state no don't take the fact that either you or someone else has failed or the circumstances have failed as somehow God's positive will for you a lot of times the reason people haven't married is a they haven't they're not mature enough sometimes you can find a decent mate I mean that's becoming a bigger bigger problem to a big problem but don't take those things to mean that somehow this is God's will okay because my basic attitude is if a person goes to a certain stage and they're still single they should consider entering to some type of valve chastity or something of that sort so that least there idlife is ordered under a foul okay any questions as an employer what are your responsibilities as far as having employ something in my field obviously the the technicians are typically women yeah she worked part-time right and her and her schedule is geared around you know when she can work when her husband works young and when her when her child is I'm daycare but he's down in school but like a critic a so he's you know he works in the mornings and no arranging the time worker we can pick her the child or she you know just worse than half day and goes and picks up a child right put an end to context and I have the other issue where the other women were there they're there all the time and look at this relationship that that I have allowed this this other young woman to be a writer and they're always complaining about she always gets off her army she's never here is there a way to combat that that's distant this is a jealousy a specter yeah you know the one handed they complain when they're out of the office and they don't get a big paycheck doesn't get paid didn't work but then on the other hand you know they want to be off as much as they can they can't be well what that probably tells you is is that their natural inclination want to be home with their children is kind of getting to them to some degree you know they feel guilty maude women see they feel guilty when they're not home with their children so and i think that that's probably an actual law inclination frankly but you know if you're in relationship to this i mean my recommendation would be unless you cannot find another technician other than a woman okay you can hire the woman if you can't find any other technician other than a woman in other words if there is a male who applies it's better to give the male the job than hand then her ultimately unless there's some great cause on her side so in other words like they're about to lose their home or whatever the case is but normally speaking the way society should be structured is that men are given preference in relationship to jobs so that they can fulfill their duties and then women can fulfill their duties at home and that also means i mean that my the push pushing women into the workforce was ultimately the communists they were the ones who did that and they brought it over to the united states via the feminist but okay the point being is is that the if you get if you if you can find a man who especially if he if he's got a family and he has all the same credentials he should really get a job because of his obligations if she's just doing this because she wants a career and she wants to have more money she has it what I want to spend time with her kids because she can't stand them then you you know ultimately you give it to him of course so the point being is is that that's that's the first step and just trying to hire but once it has hired you just have to you just have to tell people look the conditions of the of your contractor your work employment here are different than ours so they're just different conditions you know if you want to go to different set of conditions we can sit down and talk to them or whatever so and you know the other thing is to is I think the society has to encourage women to stay home with their children that's what it has to do both by unless again there's grave cause making it difficult for her workmen were world world without a sufficient reason if there is it's another matter you know I think that that and they did the real they real irony of it is if you look at the object of work the are the duty that a woman has been given which is raising children that's an actually higher duty than going out and working that's what most people won't seem to grasp and so that the actual keeping women at home is actually encouragement to the higher state than running off and having a career so and I think that's one of the things that society has to just invert this whole thing and how do we know how do we know to the women are designed that way most I've never personally ever I mention this in with my conferences I've never met a single woman who worked outside the home when the kids were at home that was happy they're always miserable as a result of it yes Oh No since marriage is supposed to be a contract the there's a typical thing of the divorce house contracts all go I need to agreement between yes it's a wife marriage because of you children st. Thomas says that according to the natural law it's there's two actually there's two reasons there's a one that all a there's two reasons the first is that when you look at st. Thomas says that when you look at the raising of children both the wife and the husband or as a father and a mother are necessary because of the way we are designed psychologically which obviously makes sense because sometimes people take a wait a minute I lost my wife what I do now do I get another wife well not necessarily I'm just saying that God can provide in those videos cases but if you're talking about just divorcing that you don't want to feel but the reason we know that is that and we're seeing this in studies when people divorce the psychological impact on the children is grave right and st. Thomas says this is true even to the end of life in order to show the example to the children to form them even after the children are gone that this is a necessary thing that it's ordered toward that it's or towards a society must order this in this manner for the sake of children all children ultimately the second reason it is is because psychologically we know for example in my conference that I do in pork ship which gave just got brutalized in the audio but in the conference that it is that when people we know this from the psychological structure that when people go from person to person a person their dating process what happens is is that emotionally they go from highest to traumatize to trauma hydronic live strong well for a man to set up a situation where a woman is emote he's allowing the woman the circumstances of the woman becomes emotionally attached to him in such a manner that there's no way to fulfill that the emotional attachment he's just going to sever it later is inherently unjust now this means why because the way we are designed emotionally is that once we emotionally bother somebody it's to be permanent that's the way it were structured and designed they even know about this in relationship to Ken chemicals in the control act how that all creates this bonding process so we know that natural lighting and wired them to have this permanent room this specific kind of permanent relationship and so it's just built into our very psychology so it's the children and the psychology of the spouses that requires it which the church has said that to in the past it's necessary and - the other thing is - is is that what would this mean to women I mean if if a guy can just say okay the children in a race I'm out of here how many leaves then she's on her own that's unjust - so she has a right to be supportive until she's dead basically because of horbet because of the fact that she works in taking care of the children which took her out of a field that could have provided for her but she was supposed to do anyway yes there's been a bit of fluidity in that historically usually in the in some cultures in the past her she just stayed home and the parents planner to work that's usually what it happened historically because that's not necessarily the best that not to have the best of the house is because today because of modern conveniences and you it doesn't take them a whole day to do the laundry and all that kind of thing unless your friend is gargantuan but you know most you know the past you know turn of the century you would actually it would take the woman the entire Monday that's when they used to do it historically on Monday the woman would spend all day Monday just doing laundry that was it right okay so that because that's not required anymore and also in certain other cultures the woman could work on a limited basis outside the home when she was single but historically if she worked outside the home she still had to be under her father's head until so which meant that historically women under women who were not married under the age of childbearing never lived alone been the only woman who did work women have been repute so that's why you just didn't do it these are limited there are family at home and they help out around there and didn't work there and by work I mean the same amount of work as if you're working somewhere else right and then if they after that reach the age of 18 now obviously if you're studying in college and things like that because I can't see legitimately studying a woman going to college not necessarily so much to have a career but to provide the educational opportunities are to be able to provide what's necessary to do good home schooling and things of that sort even in a specific area so if she wants to specialize in mathematics so that she can help other people with their kids in relationship to mathematics but the point basically being is is that that you know she can study those things while she's single but if she has a vocation then she should really be doing the preparatory work necessary in order to enter into religious life and that may mean because some religious places say we want you to basically have gone to college and get a sort of a background and things of this sort first or give a certain amount of experience in the workforce before this goes on before you come here that may be what you have to do but ultimately again it's she's still under her father and then her father ultimately makes the judgement about what would be considered suitable work or that's historically how it happened so which kind of gives you a sense of how off the rails our culture I mean if you took someone from the medieval period and start a department here today and started explaining how men and women behave they would just be they would think they would think that we were literally diabolic culture because I'm so contrary to nature yeah I would say don't marry obviously for two reasons one is there is a legitimate there is a legitimate side to God design is this way to be inclined towards the spouse that people particularly have to have that emotional connection I mean that's why I designed this to have into being able to have interior psychological intimacy with another human being okay and not just you okay the segment the second side of it is so there has to be a certain element of that I mean you know I I joke and one of my colonies where I said you know I don't care how ugly she is even have to put a bag over her head if she's got virtue you'll be happy the rest of your life and then I'll say the opposite you know I don't care how ugly he is he's got virtue you'll be happy the rest of your life there does still have to be some level of attraction otherwise marriage becomes very difficult I'm just on a basic natural level because of our designs human beings structurally on how we emotionally connects that we can easily work together okay the other side of it dummies is a personality disorders I would say no because those personality disorders are going to end up affecting the children now it's one thing if it's a minor everybody has minor personality disorders or units we're all because of our sinfulness we all have these little quirks and things of that sort but once we if we're just talking about stuff that's minor that's one thing you have to look in taking out liver this you know be brutally honest myself can I live with this guy that you know basically every time he goes to bed he throws the socks over on life cycle can I live with this you know okay on the other hand if you're talking about something that's grave you know to where psychologically emotionally he can't fully function properly I would say he himself is not in a position to assume the obligations marriage so I would say no good okay that's a pretty big guys okay temperament is a is the dispositions disposition of the matters arrangement in your body in other words we see this old everybody's DNA is different right so I'm a tower matter is arranged differently now how that matter is arranged differently determines how easily your soul can function through your body so for example intelligence is simply the fact that one person's brain is better disposed to carry out certain functions and as a result he is simply more intelligent than another Susilo even more easily operate through more well disposed bodily organs okay that's what a temperament is a temperament is a specific arrangement of the matter that determines which proclivities you're going to have in a relationship to which emotions are gonna be easily more easily yes yeah that's correct yeah it sounded good melancholy etc okay whereas personality is the product of several things one your temperament because most people develop their personality longer temperament you know most sanguine people just become very outgoing people right the second thing is it also has to do with your intellectual formation to some degree but it also has to do with your habits your personality is primarily a human being is determined by which and habits you develop which then inclined you for certain type of activity rather than others so you can actually have somebody who might have a sanguine temperament but because of his disposition or because of his habits he doesn't tend to act very much on that anymore so for example people who are very sanguine who start fasting a lot we eventually get to the point where they tend to be less outgoing as a result thing they tend to be less you know they tend not to want food never all that stuff all the time so the personality is primarily based upon the development of the habits in two ways one the moral habits so which are inclined towards the second one is your intellectual habits your patterns of thinking so your moral formation your experiences your environment and things like that as you grow up will fashion your personality so personality is basically a term that we give to a person general sense of inclinations as a result of all these factors that go into setting those inclinations up you can remember on technology you probably weren't expecting that but that's that's what that's what I talk about in my book in psychology okay you know just looking recently about the location how he says women gain their sanctification through raising children that's right for a minute that today society complicates life for women yeah as as far as what's really important yes exactly yeah exactly and the way a man grows holiness is through his work obviously also how he covers a family but through his work on early only how he handles that what if relationship is to his family etc obviously this means that his work I think you've heard me say this but it's work is there for the sake of a fairy out the fan of the sake of the worm and this could be one of the real problems too and we have certain kinds of attachments we can begin the process where we start sucking everybody else into the family under the thing that we're doing in order to keep this thing going right and here we're not here we're putting aside something that you know is for the sake of financial survival you know so like in certain places I can write it sort of the ranches if they had a really bad year a lot of kids had to come out of the schools and start working at the family Gramp farms and stuff in order to financially survive that's one thing it's another thing if we have some kind of a pet project that we like and we're just dragging everybody into it and then we're finding all these reasons why this is good for everybody so we have to be really careful in relationship to that and guys can be very I've seen guys you've kind of prone to that kind of thing if you're not careful so but that's just something I was gonna be aware of okay if you will kneel I'll give you a blessing Benedict so damn near potent he's Patris et filii it's bitter special cause it's money at some bear on that one

Channel: Sensus Fidelium

Views: 41,305

Keywords: Catholic, Christiantiy, God, Jesus Christ, holiness, salvation, truth, trust, prayer, beauty, devotion, religion, hope, faith, charity, husband, wives, wife, children, family, grace, rosary, life, duty, job, work, feminism, ewtn, history, exorcism, vocation

Id: 1Wi2b8KNRCw

Length: 64min 12sec (3852 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 17 2016