Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker | 1+ Hour Review | MovieBitches Ep 233

[Music] Cheers welcome to movie [ __ ] episode 233 oh boy tonight I am reviewing Star Wars the rise of Skype so we brought out the big guns for a shout to our one sponsor wink tribe accom slash movie [ __ ] you get twenty two dollars off your first month of yes you can drink it out of your own decanter her own buzz I will not lie I was not fully sober for this look this garden really one of us has not seen it positively of desiccated great not bad just feeling feeling good I was like not looking forward to it and so I was like well you know what I should make this as pleasant as I can I decided after watching last Jedi and then upon seeing the trailer for this that it would just be better for my psyche to just skip it much like I did with solo I think I'm good I think you are good and I think you're great so I watched it and actually I was surprised think I went in expecting it to be a lot worse sure it's a fully competent movie I definitely preferred it personally to the last Jedi okay I know a lot of people disagree there's a lot of like diehard last Jedi fans out there yeah that's great good for you I like the last Chetty a lot sue me whatever I personally found the lot of the plot of the last Jedi Knight to be absolute nonsense we spent so long in this little low speed chase well yeah a very little plot it was it was so this does the opposite it's too many plots it was the plot was coherent enough but a lot of things happen it's constantly moved they were like okay never here never here no we're never here well they basically had to take my my guess again dot seen it is they had to take for the trilogy of it all last Jedi was unhelpful it was a hard left turn alright let's go a little bit back that's hard loved in a different direction yeah and they were like oh no we need to finish the arc we started in force awakens yep I make two movies into one movie for the final movie cuz last Jo's doesn't really count it was kind of a little offshoot that's my daughter yeah that's pretty much more or less what they did okay I think it will shock I don't think it will delight you to hear how they did all of that well yeah well okay so I have some prediction okay maybe we've read them at the top and we'll see because force awakens was basically just a soft reboot of you hope my guess is that this is essentially give me a soft reboot of Return of the Jedi that's my guess but it's like you know we kind of just softly rebooted the first one I mean okay so it has to come to an end there has to be a bad guy they killed Snoke mm-hmm so he can't he's dead so there has to be some dark light side who's gonna you know what's going on or whatever so if I guess is that because two of you the kylo Ren who's been evil the whole time right so it has to be that like kylo Ren is obviously he's still struggling could see it's emotional it's gonna be essentially the Luke plot for Jedi am I should I be on the dark side and join the dark side or should I be on the light side that seems like that's why they're going cuz she's Luke Skywalker so then it's like well then is her I mean there's got to be some lineage to his that I guess either kylo Ren and her secretly related in some way because I mean they do they are like linked and the franchise is not shied away from in sets before so you know I was like maybe there's some kind of rising the Skywalker I don't maybe like Luke kinda had a fling with a Sith Lord or something I don't know so anyway this that's one of my prediction okay okay because I agree watch the trailer mm-hmm and I was remembering the Sith army knife [Laughter] [Music] yeah and she's all like Emperor Palpatine out so I was like okay so she's definitely like gonna be orange or she's gonna see her evil person in the tree oh who is it me am i who what's going on there's gonna be some mystery with that mm-hmm she's some kind of psychological turmoil over her dark side at light side that's my guess okay Luke's definitely gonna show up as either he's alive or some sort of force ghost that that's a prediction he has to I mean come on it's just like what's gonna happen I mean that's this like it's guaranteed so is that oh maybe Carrie Fisher shows up too because like you know bye it's gonna be like a ghostie thing right I don't know okay so then um porks are definitely gonna be like the new a walks cuz they're gonna show up those like yeah I know penguin even though I know okay they're gonna be like we say we destroy but they don't talk or do they talk and forget they're gonna sell more toys and put pores in this movie and so they're gonna be like the Ewoks and oh I had a wild idea that but I may not I may be too too wild for Disney but I was like what if Finn and Poe kissed I'd be into it I don't know I don't know I don't know but I would like that cuz there's always been like a cuz Finn's like oh I kind of like you read but I don't know but I don't like rose but feelings and then Poe seems like he's fluid so anyway that was a prediction that I had oh yeah I like that a lot all right yeah tastes like made out you know there's like fireworks going off and then the Ewoks are playing stormtrooper drums and they're making out and love it love it yeah but probably to that one definitely doesn't help me too much too much fruit is too far okay or things there's gonna be some kind of Death Star equivalent big fattie thing that they're gonna blow up that's a guess and carrie fisher's definitely gonna have some terrifying like CGI'd nonsense like I should like they had to like fix it later that's not really a prediction for the plot more so just like production issues because it's sad so that was like it because I know they had like scattered footage of her from the other movies kind of so it's obviously I could be well drawn anyway those are some predictions that I had I mean just based on the trailer I that's very impressive well it's just gonna be returned to the Jenna that's JJ Abrams eggs sorry dude that's bad choice okay yeah don't worry about it you're still in good shape all you got to do is just just oh because last thing I did look up one thing which was like the like that kept like the cast okay sort of just to see like who was involved in the project JJ Abrams directing and JJ Abrams co-wrote the screenplay with Chris Terrio whose last two writing credits were Justice League foul and Batman vs Superman and I was like oh this does not bode well and those there was like one other thing and that was really only things that he had written guys I was like Disney what we're going on I mean that probably doesn't count for some of the frenetic you know Justice League was the one where they had to get the three boxes together yes there's three boxes and I played the puzzle and then you destroy them step in time is gonna destroy the universe I think if you put the three boxes together because they create mother there was a mother mother and an octopus anyway let's get into this movie okay okay so tell so tell me all about it oh boy and take you on the journey I was I I had my earphones in I guys thought I really tried to stay clear of spoilers okay well here okay so here we go spoiler alert oh yeah this is gonna be the plot of the movie oh yeah you have spoiled a bunch of stuff for my predictions IV I'm sorry I didn't oh well I mean that you didn't know I didn't know you didn't know I mean you kind of knew but it's just Jenny right is it like a throne room anyway everything transpired has done so according to my design okay so spoiler alert yes we're gonna talk about everything you could go see it it's not a bad movie I had a good fun time like honestly I had a like a popcorn II fun time at the movies I've heard that it's like 80 deep like it's just um oh that was shiny yeah you got it kind of just keeps you moving you don't really think about anything too much but at the same time there's a lot of her dismiss it's pretty superficial so yeah it's like not only good like oh wow they really went into it but saccharine it was definitely cheesy but like at a level in between the originals and the prequels it was no prequel cheese well I left feeling kind of hopeful like yeah especially the audience okay it was weird hopeful for what the future of like toppling inches no no only not toppling dictators kind of thing okay you know like especially cuz like I was in a theater it was weird it was not packed okay I was kind of surprised I thought it was gonna be full it was a third fall okay people were clapping Hootin and Hollerin I think you might have actually liked this better than the force awakens because all of the characters that you loved were already dead I think we can kill him again well I guess so we start the scroll yeah that dad can talk or the dead speak it says this movie is filled with dead people and I I found it uncomfortable and frustrating because it's just like you guys you mean like dead characters and dead people well Carrie Fisher but like other than that yes but they don't like three resurrect Peter Cushing no not again no turns out Palpatine still alive somehow what he fell down a shaft a hot lightning I a half a Death Star huh he's alive uh-huh like as like a spirit II the voice of Palpatine has really cleared he's like a he's like a spirit entity it's called will you'll get there and it's called to kylo Ren and kylo Ren voice the the spirits the boys the force sickness of it calls out to kylo Ren Oh No and he then finds this Sith wayfinder which looks like a little green glowing pyramid with a red dot in it okay and he puts it in his ship just he just finds it he the spirit told him are you sure he I forget how mean how the last Jedi end I couldn't tell you oh they're on the planet ice box did ice box to show up mmm no more ice boxes so yeah do we find out how he's alive yes okay oh hold my tongue for the Chinese yeah we'll get there pretty quickly see what's disintegrated not space haha so Kiowa puts a little late finder in zip zapping around space he goes through a little supernova he goes through a little obstacle yeah it's like whole obstacle course to get you exit goal okay they keep saying eggs a goal and I couldn't tell what they were saying it was like s call and call high school never heard of it but sure apparently it's in like those I'm sure it's mythos exactly it shows up in the Cold War's cartoons sorry about it is it like when when Darth Maul's showed up and was like hey remember when I was cut in half and throwing down that shaft I'm alive because any comic books Tiger legs that's right oh my god remember that Palpatine doesn't have spider leg it's worse April how okay despite her head so kylo Ren makes it to hexagon right right going through this thing lots of flashing lights they had to have like a epilepsy warning before you went in cuz it's like lots of flashing lights who does like lightning maybe because of the electricity of the planet I don't know it's never expected okay but they had to do it and then warned four billion people that were gonna be in the audience but for Annapolis yes that's very necessary it was very nice I mean there the whole thing I think spoky his thing is that he's like I killed Snoke but now it turns out the Palpatine spirit or whatever force power is still here and I have to kill him in order to be the most powerful in the minds his power power power power right because the parents didn't love him enough exactly right so he shows up and he's like Palpatine wait no he says that cuz I don't remember what he says but there's like a do you remember and a fighter man which one the older ones when there's little beam of Ireland yeah when there's like Doc Ock or someone on like a weird control arm yeah he's being held up with vials I'm like please like this is in the movie this is in the movie vials who gave him bottle I have item Dominion just like the porks his men you know that they are evil yeah that actually didn't help if it was like the twist was that it was like yeah we've been evil this whole time and it was like yeah I don't [ __ ] annoying that would be so great oh I wish that's what happened and they were always like like like puberty baby higher ground yeah no okay nobody he has like this Frankenstein lair but like whose frankensteining him in selfies the monster his his Sith spirit can still control and convince other alive people to help reincarnate him then he reveals are you ready for this beginning us in the beginning of the way this is the first two minutes of the movie oh boy yeah I'm glad I did not go yeah so then he reveals that he created Snoke cuz cuz kylo is like I'll just kill you like I killed snow that was easy-peasy and he's like [ __ ] please I created Snoke and then they cut to like a Frankenstein like liquid filled glass oh like you're like a like Luke in the diaper when he's like healing in the tomb yes it's like a giant aquatic tank filled with like Snoke clone prototypes what why to show that hit like created him like dr. Frankenstein I don't know why does he need multiple ones were they like that was the best those are the reject one I killed by these ones are the left oh no I don't know what Snoke is like a species or something we thought he's just or is he I don't know any of it why would you make like a tiny like if you're trying to make like a powerful short what I yell they give them like a big physical most of them very handsome charismatic and big short white and male and then you know you just write your ticket sure right oh well yeah I guess so the tiny looking I don't know maybe that was my not because it was Frankenstein oh why cuz they didn't plan these movies ahead of time yes very that that's still just only he's like really shriveled and like he's like some of his fingers are missing and he's like in front of the lightning I guess if any like from me he hasn't like fully had the energy and power to like regenerate all the way so he's been chilling for 30 years 35 years regrowing himself apparently and he reveals that he in the meantime has also been building a giant Armada of Star Destroyers with his mind with his minions I got some torques that are not the port's unfortunately is he like controlling the first order he is the first order essentially because Snoke was the controller of the burger and he apparently built and controlled snow so yes but now he calls this the final order and hey has all of these star Detroit destroyers with those like Planet 2 string cannons okay and its owners built them the the minions I don't know okay if the same as the [ __ ] clone wars who built all that I don't give a [ __ ] way to go that we're playing with they really are that's a saintly said this movie was like not as bad says he is like the lobby oh yeah Wow so anyway he's like here's my plan can't believe this is the beginning of the very very beginning okay he says I have this plan we're gonna unleash all of these star destroyers across the galaxy and they can all destroy a planet so no one will be willing to stand up against us because they'll instantly be destroyed and so then if you kill ray then you can be in charge of it all because she's more powerful than Kyla we don't we don't know you know why he just says you just gotta you gotta kill that [ __ ] okay and she's the last [ __ ] end of scene so then we cut to Poe and Finn c-3po and Chewie c-3po yeah was he olestra he's been at all of them I think has he I'm pretty sure he's been at all of like know that that is true Daniel's has been at all of them but did he have like a part I think he likes shows up okay it was like oh hello you found me yet but wait you guys forgotten Milan oh I forgot a lot about it two of the last two movies and all the CIA leg was like oh god I have to put the piece of [ __ ] back together because I have not watched this movie since they came down because I had no desire to know they are like in the Millenium Eleni oh no the Millennial Falcon millennial [ __ ] diamonite doesn't mean they're in the Millennium Falcon and they like fly up to some ship there's some weird poorly looking alien he does not did not do a good job and he's like oh there is a spy that gave us information you got a download it into our tutitu was there okay they found out that there's a spy in the first order and they're like great thanks for this cord they plug it into our duty - and then all these first-order ships are coming and they're like we gotta go it's not done downloading yet you know one of those things the little dots are winding up it finishes just in time they take off download what they download a message from the spy got it okay and then they gotta get to they gots to go they gots to go lion wait wait wouldn't it be such a good twist if Donald Lee sin was to spy [ __ ] you he was over he was overdoing it he was like I'm gonna be extra evil so they won't know I'm sorry I like wearing a lot of people yeah so this was also a last-minute decision with the writers cos he's a person that people remember that could be the spy I guess instead of random person short I have a question uh-huh how many people does Poe inadvertently murder in this movie not as many or maybe any okay he definitely less villain well he is still a poor leader yeah yeah but the casualties are really more a result of like the scenario yeah then his particular choices well it's weird cuz he's han Solo in a first movie han Solo would be a very bad military leader rise out for himself he's roguish she's you know only who cares about what's good for him yeah and whatever however that'll get him there and over his arc over the course of the movies is to care about other people be responsible like learning to work as a team member and you think they would have at least tried to they because I pasted that they did okay do they have does he have a mission with the porks and they have to know good thing cuz I can't with the pork as I hate the porch show up for literally two seconds okay and that's it okay great well that's a putt yes so no man question that works putting I'll give it up wait but doesn't he walks show up yes did I go to the moon of Endor they have this whole little Lightspeed adventure where they're trying to lose their bogies he destroys the Lowenstein's and you're trying to get just party cuz Nigel of us we had the breed must be Nigel with the Bri oh wait so Brady's not there not yet so it's just Poe and Finn and that lady who tried to kill herself she was not on the ship she's with Ray oh she's not here yet yeah right so actually I was wrong so before we see them download the cable nonsense we have a scene with Ray she starts talking to Carrie Fisher and I'm like because I forgot I forgot she died in the movie I couldn't remember if she died in the movie because she died like twice in that movie it was like well yeah they died it was like minutes out into space and the chores like forcing herself in a klumberg yeah yeah so I was like what what's happening with her again but also like obviously sadly in real life she is dead yes so I knew that they agreed with the estate that they were not going to CGI her oh that's right so okay that prediction was wrong I mean I'm certainly still did it was not wrong so merely they used footage from that was cut from yeah the previous two films I don't know what they had planned for that movie because like either they were so constrained by that in what story they could tell with her and this but there's a lot she is in the entirety of the movie really well know what maybe there was a thing where they had already shot her scenes no I looked it up okay that's when I was like oh wait maybe they had already started building and then she died or whatever apparently it was just up from the cutting room floor archived footage and dialogue using a process called rotoscoping to clip out Fisher's whole face from that footage and superimposing it on a stand an actor in these scenes so she's like training ray in the forest and Ray cheeks when you like the little training her to be a Jedi but she's not a Jedi she apparently is now I mean she has the force in limited abilities she's not well she she's she's training there I don't know what else to say but Carrie Fisher isn't like well I'm a Jedi she never says those words now great are the fourth and being a Jedi are two different things right not gonna get into middle oreos oh no nobody chlorines in this movie can't do it we can not this obi-wan show up as a force ghost - no no it's just a menagerie it's gonna end and it's gonna be like sergeant pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band except it's just gonna be everyone that's dead and they're all force ghosts no it can't be it can't be that stupid not my wife but almost yes she's like going over a tree over a ravine and like cha-cha-cha I got the force right she's doing great about tag on the phone and then oh oh no kylo Ren my skype buddy is try to Skype me right now I'm busy no not right now I'm horse training [ __ ] kids'll you know when he's FaceTime her ah is he wearing a shirt or does he happen no he never he never has the shirtless because I think that was I thought it was iconic no we never see that again I mean I'm sad because my takeaway so far is that they're definitely gonna [ __ ] up whatever semblance of a character kylo Ren was like in I find him to be interesting but mainly I think because they underwrote him but Adam driver is such a good actor that you think there's more going on but they're just gonna [ __ ] him over he's gonna like probably sacrifice himself to save the greater good he's gonna be hanging out waving at them as a force ghost oh that can't be so she goes to training but oh no he's interfering Oh Carrie Fisher what's going on you seem a little out of last year you're focused exactly right and she's like oh I don't know I'm just like never be afraid to be you okay moving on so then they show up with the message from the spy so the message says that Palpatine is alive that would be quite a measured message to receive right Oh Edward properties is alive I feel like Carrie Fisher would be like what yeah well I was there they exploded to nothing the particles we will talk about that as well ray that is like I'll wait a second I remember reading about that and all of these notebooks of Luke's that apparently didn't burn in Yoda's tree yeah they burned all the text [Music] hey maybe not Luke's personal Diaries I don't know so anyway she's like oh I read in there about how to find a wave fire to exit all - specifically there - but that's what he was trying to find at some point - that's where the synth home bases okay so he was trying to figure it out when he was on Exile what do you say is Emperor Palpatine like has he become one with like a planet and he's like that water of the planet and then on his little robotic arm I don't know I don't know it should have been like a he's a presence not a physical I agree body I that is disturbing because he died yeah [Applause] throne gonna shaft electrocuted and then the Death Star's loaded he can't breathe in space he's still a person like we will helm regard we will get but I'd like that like oh yeah in the essence of the planet anyway yeah okay oh well great I know where to find that MacGuffin exact the first box get the first box so then Leia was like oh well I know someone on Posada so she sent them to Posada they land and they're like walking in this desert planet oh my god is this where Lupita Nyong'o shows up Knoll opinion goes back on the main base with them okay in her makeup that must have taken hours [Laughter] that's CGI now how long did that take so they get there and c-3po announces oh whoa it's very fortuitous because today is the All Saints Day you know nonsense some holiday prequel ze like celebration is like aliens look at the Helia the parents and the kids another thing you know yeah one of the local aliens for unknown reasons uh-huh gives ray a necklace and introduces herself I'm so-and-so blah blah blah and c-3po is translating and he's like she wants to know your name and she goes I'm Rey and she goes and what's your family name because that's something that every stranger who gives you a necklace on the street asks and rate goes the alien like I feel her presence I don't know okay and Ray goes I don't have one I don't know my people I'm Charlie great I'm an orphan I'm hurt real sell me a film it must have a last name look you know okay I can't be with my birth parents I'm gonna go live with my aunt uncle right they raised him from birth he has a last name like that uh-huh his childhood uh-huh but Ray it seems she is just formed at this age I think she was an orphan her whole life and we find out more about that through flashbacks but like she was a baby at some point like someone had to take care of this baby right but I think when she was a child and abandoned by her parents that we see in flashback oh so we do find out some about oh we do and then oh no kylo Ren for skypes her god he just can't get her on the phone he's constantly making her answer when she doesn't want it so he's like Palpatine like for skyping them to force Skype I don't think so I think he's trying to find her he doesn't want to kill her Oh as far as we know but he's like but if I happy he was Oh cuz he's like look [ __ ] Pappa Singh's alive he wants me to kill you but I don't want to kill you I want you to take my hand like what I offered you right you should have like we can kill him and we can sit on the throne together right and she's like no I don't want you dead so then he snatches the necklace off of her neck and it then transports via Forest Tech across the galaxy to wherever the [ __ ] oh I think so no he's back on that stars destroyer with Domino policing and nowhere else Donna Donna listen whatever and your guy oh yeah Richard he grants in this right yeah he's like the super evil general because now Donald Lisa can't be Evo because he's the spy his whole thing is now that he wants kylo to fail because he just hate them he says so the kiss later on he lets them go he's like I don't care about you I just want him to fail Eddie yeah so he's on the ship with them or whatever is Oh Richard he grants there and he's great yeah yeah he was good he doesn't have too much of a role but he's there he's he's loved him always good he snatches the necklace and then he's like being analyzed in there like oh it came from this solar system and whatever this planet cutting then he flies down oh my god they're here oh we got a higher to find a place to hide oh my god that Lando snatches us into some weird taxi cab what Lando Calrissian yeah he was in the trailer but house there he's on this planet which is the person that lay a new on this planet Oh God just come on come on now dis Lando snatch them and then go Oh what do we have here probably hello what have we here this is lando because he's in it right yeah I mean like he's like in the movie yep does he reunite with his love that is the computer that lives inside the Millennium Falcon no really oh I forgot about that remember that oh my god I forgot about that fella that we changed all the Lord well he does fly on the ship sure we'll get there Jimmy what's his original exactly so it's just like Jedi when they're Luke's like I'm a liability Palpatine knows where I am okay and then they're like oh we're trying to find oh geez ship which is where the wayfinder is or wick he knew where the ley line right at the way finger there's more than one there's two of course there is when you put them together then they become a diamond oh I like that though oh yeah the to try and everything it's like wow Crash Bandicoot day or something yeah they're like in the desert running away from the first order people yeah and he is there combing the desert are we being too literal no you were following orders we were told to call the desert so we're calling it they get attacked Chewie gets taken they're running away from the first order they have like a whole chain you know like 100 the God there's this really horrible dialogue they're like stormtroopers on like you know little ATV kind of things like Oh like in Jedi with her in this forest right but these are like sand snowmobiles but then it like kind of flips up and ejects one into the sky yeah and then they have a jetpack where they can fly and then like shoot grenades down at them c-3po is like oh baby flying go and then everyone's like they fly now and then someone else was like oh they fly now I was like really why now this was the dialogue that we had to several avoided they all have to say thank you it was just so much of like they thought it was a job a fly now oh my god anyway that was the whole thing then they finally kill them all but then they're all stuck in quicksand in the middle of this demagogue is the Sarlacc pit there no oh but with that show up no oh he was not Frankenstein sorry shut he's like yeah we flew into the Sarlacc pit so these are climbs out on a vine so it's like I'm good now than 30 years of digestive tortures cured by evilness I liked it meant to do it thank goodness I thought I was doing this thousand years of digestion alone main is his jet pack he could be a force goes there like oh my God we're all sinking in this quicksand and we're all gonna die oh my god please tell me that Hayden Christensen doesn't show up it's a force ghost at the end it can't no Andrew it can't be it can't be no get used to disappointment thank God they fall through the sand into an underground cave they're in this pit oh gosh oh yes so-and-so was here oh she was here c-3po oh these tunnels are probably but I don't want to know what they're made by well they find out there's a giant serpent there inside of it you don't know like you know there's a tunnel of the giant serpent so there's this giant silly alien serpent and it's like oh I'm gonna attack you before but I'm not and raised like whoo I'm out I'm good inside does she start speaking Parseltongue no instead she walks up to the serpent and then she sees that the serpent is injured for reasons unknown I still don't understand so then I was like oh is it like the the evilness of the synth wayfinder was like it ate it or something and now it's been like pre-meeting sir it's like Ferb you know it's like well I've been stuck here with this alsa relic like cuz it's a sochi what's her name oh geez no oh she was a person who was apparently he bowling I don't know okay great actually okay I think oh she was apparently abducting her parents we find out later to take them to Palpatine huh she is like oh you're hurt I'm gonna force energy life energy because at life energy you and heals it what it's like a rapid healing thing what when can she - what when did that happen I am outing I don't know it's the thing in this movie so she heals the serpent and then it's like oh thank you like Daniel in the lion's den or whatever yeah yeah I told them the thorn out yeah and then it runs away knocking a hole in the the tunnel for them to escape through it's really just like a video game yeah it is like a video game they find the ship of course they find a new droid this one's kind of funny cuz she like turns it on and she was wasting new care I don't know she's dressing it close to it it's like it backs away it's like no thank you no thank you yeah I wouldn't want her to we have great energy in general like strangers thank you excuse me don't touch me please this is my dance space thank you exactly oh I forgot I'm so sorry oh my god okay so back in the tunnel at first they find a synth dagger c-3po was like oh I can read this like it since it which is a forbidden language for me to translate oh well the game's his product his protocol as programming forbids him from translating okay even though he can read it so if you maybe if he reads it out loud a curse happens Oh a hexapod no this is not a Christmas print they find the ship they meet the new droid yeah kylo Ren shows up no in person in that person I'd like Here I am yeah they have a whole little fight of like oh I'm stronger than you no I'm not thing is like they touch they got Chewie this is that transport so she's like not on my watch [ __ ] so she's like forcing the transport from taking on kylo Ren is like filling it away forcing it the other way they're forced battling over this transport now and that she gets real intense and electrocutes the transport and it explodes like like lightning comes out of her hands like Palpatine okay and it explodes and Sheila Shoei I killed Chu is so upset heartbroken and Webber shocker he's okay okay was on a different transport we'd find out later well I think I got horse battle I got really pissed because I was like [ __ ] you [ __ ] you movie this is how you're gonna [ __ ] kill off the last of the but are you but you you know but it turns out they didn't okay I was like he was so pissed I tell her it does seem like chewy doesn't age he's they announced that he's 250 years old okay great cuz he's been Oh cuz there was a whole scene on the Millennium Falcon at the very beginning where they were playing chess with him or you know that whatever works of course and they're like you keep waiting no he's like you guys keep you keep waiting you're cheating chewing it here 250 years old of course you're better at this game than we are any was stupid but he's only 30 to 40 years older than when he lost in the first movie that is truth so but he has been an absentee dad for quite a while now oh god I know it's an important day some year we should just do the Christmas special truly unwatchable it's true every time I'm like maybe this time it'll be funny and it's just unbearable unworkable it's just truly mind-numbing [Music] she's so upset the Chuy's dead yeah c-3po can't translate this thing kylo Ren I forget how or why like charades it seem like disappears oh so and also Chewie was captured with the dagger ah that they needed but luckily there was now what would you were screwed and c3po exactly the second box this is eerily ho thing about to the plot of Justice we executives we need to find the three boxes and then put the three boxes together right so he is like the only copy of the what the dagger said is in my memory bank so then pose like oh we should go to kg me not Kathy Najimy kijima though although I would I would love it if Kathy Najimy oh yeah Kathy Jimmy should absolutely and money yes yes they go to kg me which is like a dark planet where there's spotlights all the time it just basically felt like a world war ii movie okay where you know that's I think it's constantly doing Regulus scream yeah searchlights I don't know and there Oh everyone's in jackets and it's like Oh World War two Germany I don't know how it's like let's go to KGB but I have someone that doesn't like me there cuz he sounds okay does job of Shilla know oh no boy with that you imagine and you imagine I mean I'm honestly surprised no breeder does nope still life okay he meets this girl who's in like a hood a woman is in like a kind of boba fett esque helmet okay start talking turns out it's Keri Russell what I literally had no idea until I looked it up when you said he's Keri Russell and I was like hairy Brussels in this movie I had no idea because they never show her face no she never takes it off he takes the little visor off and they have like a thing on her eyes but like I couldn't tell him what was what why would they do that why bother to give him a paycheck I mean good for her why not have you Jimmy any wasted time it was so she was so there's this whole thing like in the movie yes she's like well [ __ ] you you screw me over Paul like you know and you scoundrel yes Galloway exactly and then she's like we're gonna kill you all and then cuz like work cuz there's a bounty on the jedis head Oh ray right Oh and so then race like not [ __ ] she like knocked her to the ground she's like haha light sabers and she's like I like you yeah I like you too and so she decides to help them and they like girl power I guess this was she takes them goodness I don't know they had a kindred aura reading I don't know she takes them to pose friend just like the alien on the other planet when she gave her the necklace exactly your aura you're good so she takes them to Poe and her friend who's a little tiny alien who looks like he's from men in black okay and he's a computer hacker who's like yeah I can hack him to see through he owes memory bank and unblock it but in order i cannot kiss felon exactly i can jail I can jailbreak jailbreak seen through vo but in order to do so it will erase all of his memory you're like oh my god but he's been through all of these every single movie right right but then she's just like well doesn't r2d2 have your memory backed up on his storage device and he's like well you know that that's not very you know reliable because r2d2 loses [ __ ] all the time remember some of nonsense can't they just backup his memories on like a separate hard drive and then wipe it and then reuse one with Nick but no they can't they have to trust we have to erase it because of drama well exactly taking one last look so as my friend and then to undercut the drama even more and the little guys going into like deactivate whatever he's like oh wait I am one more I do and I'm like what the [ __ ] you miss all stupid nonsense anyway doesn't matter because of course later on r2d2 was like poop and they restore the memory question yeah not that I really care okay but um what's rose been doing this whole time oh she's just been hanging out with Leia I'm like the rebel base on Endor wherever the forest evil places okay they don't see her she's not in most of his movie okay great even though she was in so much of me okay hard laman great know how many women attempt to comma cause of themselves for the greater good zero a zero in progress yeah from - yeah yes cuz Rose was like in love with Finn right yes and they um there was a kiss Oh she kissed him after she tried to kill herself and him yes and I feel like there was a flashback to that for some reason I only kissed him and he was like oh yeah yeah yeah my my he was like oh I would really prefer to kiss Poe I mean I love that yeah that happen he's so oh yeah I know anyway so they unblock the the SIF translator protocol yeah and he informs them that the second wayfinder is on care fear how about not kaffir cuz that's a line yeah keffe beer they're going to a lot of planets oh oh yeah they do so I get the third box yes exactly then I forget how but the sorter tracks them you know there's a stardestroyer that comes down it's kind of a shampoo my god and then she senses she was still alive oh all right yeah yeah she guilt-ridden whatever she was alive oh my god I have to save him so then also he has the dagger yes host friend the Keri Russell she's like you really abandoned us back on you know who the [ __ ] cares Kathy Najimy exactly I've been trying to like raise enough money to get myself out of this hellhole because the [ __ ] first order is killing everyone and it sucks that they took the kids and they're trying to raise any is terrible we get it it was grim you know that kind of thing we get it it was grandma's own so she's like oh well I managed to get this first order captain's medallion that can be used to like authenticate me to go through any Lightspeed tunnel that's been blockaded I don't know I've got a third MacGuffin exactly exactly oh so they're like oh [ __ ] the first orders here oh my god we gotta go they're gonna kill us all blah blah blah but no she's alive we have to exact we had to go see him so she says here take this go save your friend it's more important and he's like but this is like your entire life yeah this is your escape from slavery in the first order that all of the murder isness she's like no your friend is more important because he's like become because we just met I come with us join the rebellion it's the only way because they're evil and we hate them he's just like no I can't for unknown reasons she wasn't available other day there you go and they go and land on kylo ren's Star Destroyer while he's then actually down looking for them I'm Kathy Najimy but like wouldn't they notice that this weird ship just well so in their systems it's like we like this captain guy coming to land and like they don't it doesn't raise any alarms but like the ship isn't but no one sees it okay until later no one's that's the hangar bay stormtroopers are like well and they shoot the ball and then it's like fine okay it's a non-event she senses the dagger is on the ship mm-hmm chewing is over here you guys go get Chewie I'm gonna go get this dagger so that I can have my Luke I am your father moment so she kylo Ren is her dad oh boy cuz you imagine doughnuts we're not Majid so she goes to like you know some weird playing it's all white room and whatever you know I went that good [ __ ] okay no with like buttons baby horse kylo ren's skypes her again she's like dude do not disturb but about poor escaping me force for skyping yeah then he's like where are you I can't figure out where you are I'm trying to force Skype you so that I can figure out where you are so I can kind of kill you and she's like I'm not gonna thing to tell you yeah why would I tell you and then they're like lightsaber battling or whatever okay they could like lightsaber battle well they're skyping yes it's so stupid they like physically connect that's how we stole her stupid necklace it's so weird and they're not siblings their force pairs or something they're forced binded they're like exactly there's each other's general opposite Missy Gemini croquette contest they're part of it yeah they're Lexi were battling she knocks over the Darth Vader melted Darth Vader mask that he hadn't prominently displayed on like a nice podium oh right because that says grandfather yeah and he's had like visions constantly of guilt for killing his father Harrison Ford I'm obviously so he comes back up because she's in his private chamber where the dagger is but he's not shirtless he's natural is because he's down on Kathy Najimy real missed opportunity he should have been like you know training who I'm just I was just coming out of shower oh I'm a little dewy oh god what am I gonna do Harris a luxurious your helmet is so big I didn't see you playing with your dolls again is her dad han Solo too it's fun so sneaking around you and Leia and got separated at some point absolutely not that would piss you off more scoundrel he is a scoundrel but never separated well she's period of years younger I guess that's fair yeah I don't give a [ __ ] these movies anyway it was so I mean love the original three yeah things to stay where they argue and I'm I I will say there's definitely shellac sness and a franchise knee there's a ruin it yeah for me but at the same time it allowed me in this to like check out and just be like yeah sure this fun this nice shoes dumb whatever it's like a silly movie like it's just to become a different thing it's separate and that's most of the negative reviews that I read we're all like this isn't real film this isn't a real movie this isn't what I loved in a Mike but you guys it's just a [ __ ] Disney and Star Wars like what are you expecting you know like I believe in the original ones are popcorn black so you know when the read in the when you really look at him if someone was like this should have been directed by like Noah Bombardier like some nonsense there's like what [ __ ] are you talking about just my biggest problem with these new ones are the stories are either rehashed or bad absolutely and there's no plan yeah and they add a bunch of dumb [ __ ] yeah that's like fatty my favorite of the new ones is the rogue one I really like other than terrifying CGI Peter Cushing yes and terrified CGI'd Carrie Fisher yeah I really like that movie yeah so meanwhile Richard II grant then is like who that bucks ship is this this isn't supposed to be here they capture them and then what about you idiots yeah yeah for my plan I mean right a little bit this isn't exactly so then Tom Gleason is like so they domino losin to be like aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper no they never they never dressed up as stormtroopers I mean why has you shot though you just went off and hello thank you oh they get captured they're gonna be executed oh and there was this whole thing they were when they were sinking in the sand Finn was like ray I love you I wish right there's like wait I have to tell you you all sand and so then Poe is like what were you gonna tell her in the same they want to know before I die that's what I'm interested in apparently not confessing my love for you oh my god could you imagine be so great Dom listen is like actually I want to execute them myself and the Stormtrooper give me a gun what is Finn's answer when Posey didn't say oh he was like why do you want to know or whatever and you like this we're about to get murdered are we best friends because the script told me to because people were wondering how her go in this movie I don't know anyway then dhamma business' like oh not gonna ask you I'm gonna kill the Serb troopers and I'll let you guys go graze me in the leg so that I can pretend like I was injured by you guys watch out just for the pettiness but he wants kylo Ren to fail that is so petty yeah so he lets them go originally grant later discovers oh shoots dumb with his dead oh just robbed Lana's like oh that's what happened boom love it and he's like tell kylo Ren that I never I thought finally I found this fight I was like oh yeah I was like oh cool that's actually the most interesting thing you've told me in the past hour meanwhile kylo Ren Minh comes into the actual ship and he's like no I really have to talk to you I have to tell you who your family is you ready I don't know he has this memory of her parents being like keep her away whatever will go they were sent to Palpatine to be murdered because he was looking for her for Rey when she was a child okay it's just a Harry Potter all over again because she's his granddaughter but who [ __ ] him exactly if you'd made up your mind five seconds earlier we could have ruled the galaxy and maybe I could have gotten laid one more time before I died when how old is she supposed to be if he died and has been reforming his body for 30 to 40 years she's younger than that and yet they it doesn't make any sense oh well it's like a daughter I guess this is granddaughter granddaughter but still I mean still who [ __ ] him but but like how old is she supposed to be if she was supposed to be alive right what if she was a child she was 6 years old let's say okay when Palpatine have killed her hair her parents to be brought is his daughter yeah or hot Sun I think daughter okay who [ __ ] him thank you though yeah because he was already on I mean in all honesty was probably rape and like yikes Oh bummer cuz I was gonna say he already had his like mace windu yeah like yeah Oh mace windu remember that oh no he does not show shut the [ __ ] up he does that oh my god is he a fourth goes I can't is that the whole people is the guy with the long neck they're like the tall guy is Yoda there too oh my god no no so Palpatine like [ __ ] some harem woman you're like you know definitely holdin to him yeah she had a baby yeah then she had a baby who was right as rain and so right it skips a generation and that's why she's of the kappa team yes she's the counterbalance to kylo Ren who was a Skywalker because you know they're there the force is balanced and whatever that's the so he tells her this I was just like oh my god I would I knew what I was gonna tell you that she was the granddaughter of Palpatine who has Frankensteined himself back to life [Music] I mean it's just she's just Luke Skywalker oh I have to segment them away because they're his father he's great for her grandfather's evil is evil in middle it is her if I am your father moment yeah it's kylo Ren sane Palpatine is your grandfather look if you're not gonna take this seriously I'm out oh we put the mask back on - I forgot to tell you oh yeah because he goes dark so it's really an overarching plot about like nature versus nurture really yes yeah brain had every advantage she was you know left to her own the point is supposed to be if you give in to fear or not okay it's really kind of when you think about the same plot as frozen and Snoke is like the Snowman if you embrace no I think like c-3po is the Snowman is it well remember she created that big bottle tell me it's more like that that's them that's no the company should I see monster yes because the snowman is so small sure the nice snow except little evil again so and what what like a minute marker we add at this point that this is revealed an hour and a half hour 45 Wow I've been doing is looking for boxes yes for pyramids speaking of so then the quest continues oh so they all just escaped okay so he's fighting her bear all day she's like I don't believe you does her hand get cut off no I was waiting for it I was I was for it Wow I know so she's like fighting kylo Ren and he's like you have to join me and she's like no I know what he's like you know what you have to do which is like I know what I have to do and then the Millennium Falcon shows up at the edge of this hangar on my starship and she like four sleeps the thing that annoys me about these is that I mean obviously you just have to let it go but like they pretend as if all of these people can breathe on any planet right and also in space Oh surely be a flaw remember when Carrie Fisher was like oh I wouldn't blow at the for Mary Poppins ever so it was nonsense but that was she like I guess the force can do that too as well as heal any wound no it happens again Oh God just finding it like stabbed in the stomach and she like heals him and it's like it's worse anyway so she hops on the Millennium Falcon thing to fear why good thing we've got this coin the coin didn't matter anymore that's how they used to get on to the start of the starship there you go you take it at least FedEx it back to Carrie Russell alright they go to calf beer right which is a moon of Endor a planet near end or where the Death Star the second death star right has crashed what thank you I was so confused and I was like crashed I feel like I really missed something here because I go like I'm like I'm pieces like the shell it's like like a you know Titanic esque hole of a little bit of the Death Star you dudes in the trailer they show like that yeah but it was the whole sin agree thank you part the whole time I was like I'm sorry every memory of the deaths are that I have is that it exploding yeah you know like a giant star yeah so they crash-land yeah and then some other woman sees them fabulous black woman great hair fabulous outfit I'm like I'm sorry Ilan oh yeah that kind of vibe so she shows up and is like are you with the first order or not and they're like depends on who's asking because we're rebels then it's great dialogue hey buddy oh my god get ready so there's this whole moment between her and Finn where they're like cuz they're both like you're a person of color I'm a person of color you were abandoned by the first sir I you were a searcher for a stormtrooper I was a stormtrooper that laughed and you guys I was so bad it was really honestly kind of offensive and it's just like I'm like it oh no did they fall in love No thank God oh boy so there's like the kind of rounded shell yes of the deaths are rare so ray she remembers the the inscription this dagger knows the way or something like that or whatever she holds it up this is straight out of a tumor you're with me thank you no she's estrella have a Tomb Raider game where she holds it up limes it's like in the Goonies with the doubloon yeah yeah holy exactly she holds it up it matches the Bruins that luckily haven't changed for four years wait so the dagger was made apparently after there was hair and fashion settles and then with this was hidden there I don't know and she holds it up and then a protractor comes out over the dagger of the dagger with a little arrow it's like like land it says this is where it is Oh kind movie oh why is there a reason Palpatine's anyone was gaved your hunt I knew he didn't send it this is just happy I feel like this was all mechanician maybe of the force of the force move of this guy Rex that who knows don't get worse butoh oops who made that I in the sub descent I don't know I know oh gee I don't I don't know I really don't know what I don't care no girl told them to yep the script that the guy who wrote Justice League told them to their on this planet with all these huge waves but she goes oh well we could get there in a day or two and there's no time because the plan is that Palpatine is gonna send all of these Star Destroyers and destroy planets until everyone it's a business as well in a day that's a plot by the way so the next thing we know they were back on the ship or whatever like boogie board fly over there no not really not really no is there like a hover board it's not like a fully skinful just felling Ninja Turtles no it's not it's not a full Ninja Turtle it's like a little uh like a scooter with like a monogram kind of nobody but they're big flex it doesn't matter either way she like sails her way because she has that she found one somewhere I don't know no and then Finn is like oh my god we have to get her and I'm like doom she's a [ __ ] Jedi you are just been leave her the [ __ ] alone he's loving her Yeah right ish uh I don't know ray gets onto this thing she bites oh she's climbing up like because it's like the Death Star so of course they have two callbacks like you know the tall Howry things where they fall and all that nonsense this is so so so because it's like particles it is thank you like I just came over that April I just can't get over it she literally falls into like a hallway where there's stormtrooper helmets no no no unacceptable there's some part of me that okay if a big piece fell off the gravity it might fall to earth but like little helmets and pieces thank you they're gonna cut no nonsense nonsense I was so angry I was like what made a plan to thank you nonsense yeah anyway so then she finds the you know the lair where it's held and the doors magically open because this to me yeah it's made for her I don't know where she has sit in her is that what it is so she goes into this chamber sure and there it is this little pyramid floating in between two things and she's like kind of looking at it do it should I put a bag of sand on it so it doesn't booby trap me no she doesn't she doesn't really know she does next but it was the same good sure yo-oh grab it and I was long asleep waiting for to be like oh and then the whole thing dear yeah Barker doesn't happen but it was like that kind of weird thing but she touches it and that's where we get sick army knife Oh [Laughter] [Music] whoo have your synth inners dark spirit and she has to fight who they literally fight what's this though what's the the double it was just because that's like who she could be like what is the point of that weapon that's what I would like to know it's never answered just just to keep it compact just to keep cuz there's like a tenancy it seems of synth lightsabers to have double lightsaber both to pull multiples or like Grievous like darn ball hat is mm in one grievous head like throw yeah it was like those arms bending around yeah and and and you know kylo Ren is a stupid one with a little baby ones on the side oh yeah so the handguard just seems like a thing where you well they're idiots sure I mean they're like ooh you know what would be cool more this is so wizard so then kylo Ren shows up back on her down again kill her he's a Boris with her get her to take his hand at the end so big fight for a long time fight fight fight Ben is like way and I really do you shouldn't be her go away yeah she's busy hello yeah anyway he's an idiot he is an idiot he's terrible and a whole character stupid yeah I'm pissed about it but yeah it's a bummer he's Batman there's just no character there so like I don't care yeah exactly and oh is it [ __ ] villain so I'm like I really don't care yo I was just supposed to get over the fact that he killed pretty much the entire rebel fleet because it is hubris fought you anyway I am exhausted how much more is there there's probably 40 minutes cut back to Leia Oh cuz we haven't seen her in a while haven't seen llama she says to whoever she's with I know what I have to do she's gonna kill herself for some pious reason she lies down and expends all of her energy yeah forced skyping her son and says Ben well she says she just has been his name yeah but I guess they was supposed to be symbolic that like yeah they hadn't talked or whatever I was reaching out yeah to her son yeah oh you killed my my love yeah and your father is still my son and I still see you as Ben right not kylo Ren sure sure sure Manny's name would be been read I know it's been no I know I walk about that stupid but it shouldn't it also actually not be it should be been so long yeah if we're gonna be like naming sure I mean a conventions I don't know Leia probably kept her own name because she's the boss but wasn't she general she wasn't I want to say Alderaan but that's the plan at the planet general Organa that sounds right uh I think it's our Ghana yeah okay yeah you've seen the prequels more than leia organa yeah yeah so the names really are I guess it's just a bloodline name thing anyway but I do like that it was Ben right Ben friend that'd be stupid but no it's not so they're fighting fighting fight fight fight fight fight fight he's pinned her yeah labret and about to kill her yeah and so Leigh is like I know what I have to do Ben right and he's like oh no they paused and they both feel heard I kind of like what Luke did in the end of the last one yes and then he's so we could then he just dies sure same idea right so they can meet in force heaven exactly yeah so he has like a moment of reckoning ray uses his opportunity to skedaddle she steals his ship flies to [ __ ] luke skywalker's what about Finn see ya yeah she you you guys go back I don't know she take the scooter she's so emotionally scarred yeah from Leia's Jay goes back to Luke's weird Dark Crystal nany no every planet get thee to the nunnery yeah exile but then with the nipples and this is where the little works show up okay they're like she flies in on kylo ren's dark forces [ __ ] right whoa which definitely would have a tracking device there's some sort of GPS on it well then she burn is it okay great she's burning everything he's tossing things in the fire yeah and then she goes to throw Luke's lightsaber into the fire as well why would you do that though so that the ghost of Luke Skywalker could come out of the fire I mean that was obvious and go don't burn that uh don't burn that don't burn that so it's just a total [ __ ] you - Brian Johnson I remember when he likes with like that stupid and like it's like through them lightsaber way let it burn or whatever so he talks to her is like look you know Leia knew that you were the granddaughter and she still trained me as a Jedi oh she saw the goodness in you right yo never be afraid of who you are that was the last words that she whatever nice she's like but I can't even do anything I have no way of getting there or anything cuz she burned the ship and she doesn't have the Wayfinder so then the ghost of Luke Skywalker raises the x-wing no I reject this absolutely not no it's like spilling water and I'm like oh that's unusable no it's been there for a long time well I guess how long has it been since thirty years let's say underwater that's not working whatever the force the force also there's something that Leia would want you to have princely bikini no but this is something that I have to ask you about because I don't remember well enough okay so he then there's like a flashback to a memory where he says this is a thing that I learned when Leia and I were training to be Jedi together what and he gives her Leia his lightsaber what now and they fly to a scene where the two of them are young or young Oh No and they and they're like lightsaber battle training no that never happened okay I didn't never hassle and I mean it may have happened after Return of the Jedi like not in any of the movies that we've seen no and so damn this at best she hears Luke talked to her in her mind right in the yeah so being the first so they show that's it young CGI to Mark Hamill no and then as far as I could tell they show young CGI'd someone who looks kind of like Leia but not enough like her that the state could get angry that they were using in her life oh because I was like but that's not her but also this doesn't exist but also they can't use anything that doesn't exist what's happening no that never happened okay good I didn't think it did I was like I don't know so that happens and he's like here's your lights a probably one of the books probably lights it this is I am mad and I'm glad I did not see this yes this is especially where I was like oh we will be pissed oh oh no it's getting worse no no they always treated Leia's forests as like a woman's intuition Simon and part of he's not mad sure better be a [ __ ] Jedi like she should have just as much as Luke could why not there's this feeling sure like whatever but again there's a difference between having the force and training of the Jedi apparently she did both everything we just never saw it's never so except for the CGI not her because they couldn't get the rights to her life so [ __ ] what did she stick the two lightsabers together no does she cross the streams and they make a purple one and then mace windu shows up no not entirely really Oh meanwhile c-3po is like hello I'm c-3po human-cyborg relations who are you r2d2 oh I forgot oh I forgot at some point within this timeframe Palpatine had them used one of the little planet string cannon to destroy Kathy Najimy oh so Kerri Russell died we think c-3po his memory comes back and he's like well magically it was our duty to restore say he's like r2d2 oh no we don't know what best friend I don't know you and then he's like oh Jesus Christ and so they demoted like you guys are cheese of us and then he's like well suddenly must be wrong with this droid because he says that there's a signal from master Luke Skywalker but it's like Oh red five and it's like [ __ ] you anyway big red five red six standing by Red five standing by red button standing by red back stand back big red standing by we found this new droid what's his name who cares they fix him and whatever else you were the property of the Sith Lord whatever so and so and you know the plans on it on X agon and the droid luckily reveals plans that show the whole thing of minot loyalty oh they had this whole thing of clearly someone hurt him because no no no thank you right he's like well clearly someone was cruel to him he doesn't say I don't know it's nonsense but in order for all of the Armada of ships to leave they need to use a single navigational tower that they're going to destroy with the e lux so they found it they found a way we're gonna send it a first thing to end in the the ground troops are going to destroy the navigation always alternate the Jedi and literally so she leads the way Palpatine is there waiting for her is he still hooked up to a villainous evil robotic arm and he goes you have to kill me kill me you hate me embrace the hate and the dark side by killing me you'll become the leader of them all cheers Jenna it's just and then he just hook the die there's a throne room why because he wants her to take the throne of his bed and filled it with his mind I don't know it's just existed for for eons I don't know there's an entire room of siblings parents I have a question if he was on the Death Star electrocuted thrown down a shaft and then you know sploded it's incinerated why is he an ex ago why is his his body because of the minions I don't know I'm gonna be on planet with Death Star with your line yes I don't know in there I if any if anything sure again you shouldn't have been a physical body I hate great just be a belief or something I know where a ghost or also this is a stupid plot point yes it's stupid but like Oh No yeah so she's there there's like these robed hooded sick chorus every sin that sever lived is here and you didn't sacrifice her what and they're gonna so he wants her to kill him out of rage so that she will then he will inherit their cool it's the plot of Jedi yeah I got it yes the spirit and thus force and then severe power exactly it's all of that so like Poe and finding them have like nothing to do with this they're all on their way like they have nothing to do oh well no because now they have to have a big space battle where they shoot people they are all shooting the the the star destroyers yeah and Finn has to try and martyr himself wow he really what's going on with [ __ ] I don't know his like a death wish she's like real repressed yeah yeah yeah anyway they go to take out the communication Tower of codes but Richard II grant is like I see what the [ __ ] is going on here they're having to try and take out our communication tower navigations our yeah but then send the navigation from Irish ship I mean at this point I'm room for Richard II grant honest I mean he's fully evil the church so Lucy knows me bugs so then they start to try and attack and they they land all of the troops on the surface of this start destroy in space in on the planet but yes in space what do you there like just you know a thousand feet above ground of this planet atmosphere even those questions never reply like mean that's unsafe is it like there's like running around like it's an aircraft carrier kind of yeah but it's like in the air I can't explain it to you I don't know it's nonsense but they're all and then they late they Lena turn it from suck to blow I mean right just on some sort to bloom Richard me grant is like oh well disable their speeders and she's like they don't have speeders and it's because they're on these little alien animals oh the camels from the casino planet I mean no but yes so they had this little alien that they brought with them horses yeah they're kinda like horse donkey alpaca like how'd they get to the spaceship they were all in they were in like a carrier they like that landed on the spaceship why and then they they're like haha and then they have little grenades they throw how is having a horse because it's not electronic I know it can't be jammed by the by the storm you ever legs i but they have to run faster I don't know this is just what happened I didn't make it up that may be the dumbest thing it's a very episode 1e cumbersome get animal to transport yeah yep - then you go okay they knock out the communication tower but then fin notices that they're doing something else so he's like we have to take out the entire bridge of the ship so he and his new girlfriend who's not his girlfriend stay when everyone else leaves sure he has a death wish yes and may like turn the turret of the ship toward the with the horses no I don't know they just do it I mean they're not leaving the horses to die I mean then again bringing all the horses back to the transport to then escape sticky situation I they do it I don't know it all just happens seamlessly in the background meanwhile kylo Ren has some oh oh oh my god I forgot I'm so sorry I forgot the most important thing that's gonna absolutely enrage you okay pretend like we're back on kaffir lime yeah so he's like oh my mom and dad emotional pains Rey escapes kylo Ren is is still sitting here sucking out without [ __ ] right odd kaffir line yeah and then Harrison fortune and the ghost but he doesn't have the force behind how much money do you pull they just I mean he was like no no no another 100 million another hundred million no okay fine I'll be in your movie no seconds making all of the money a fourth of the budget went to Harrison Ford because he was like Boggs I'm out han Solo do you know how much money you can make selling reverse mortgages is that right please I'm gonna find out how much money they gave here is important because it's so much he probably bottom Lane I'm sure he I'm sure he did so yet he shows up and it's like oh son don't be evil you can do this essentially so that happened what he was just like be better he's like you don't be evil essentially you know what you have to do everyone and then know what they he'll do and that was there there was another thing too at this point when they're in their battle right she's like I was like you should just take my hand and we can rule together they still want your hand in marriage exists sure cousin person and she goes I've wanted to take your hand Ben's hand so anyway so now I think of a kiss I really can't with this I don't know oh my god I forgot okay oh boy how much happened the whole the whole climax Oh God so kylo ren's somehow I forget how but he shows up right on exit goal and he's there but he doesn't have the force anymore because he's just been he's not kylo Ren he's not evil anymore so he like doesn't seem to have his full powers but he still doesn't have the force okay and it's confusing well he has more control over his evil oh also he dark he threw his stupid lightsaber into the pools that a kaffir lime so many people throwing light thing I know so don't like you know it takes a while to make he's like kami aura will destroy all of your friends he opens up the sky with the plot of Return of the Jedi you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end in sea Vidia where she sees the battle raging above the plot of Return of the Jedi okay great yeah the battle raging of Albany's like if you don't kill me out of rage yeah then all of them will die and it'll be on you yeah so kill me out of rage strike me down give in to your tank so that I can absorb your court I mean I thought they were gonna just copy-paste Jedi but they really just copy it's a Jedi yeah then kylo Ren shows up and she senses him or whatever they're communicating she senses that he's good oh so like together they're dark and they're like complete each other because they're the union's they're the binary or whatever you're gonna like have kids and no that's definitely on the cards so so she holds her lightsaber behind her while they forced skype and then he don't pick my favor and it's like magic mailbox at the lake house they keep passing the lightsaber back in thanks via for Skype very silly very kind of fun kind of fun or the like thing we're both fighting the same she's like I have Leah's lightsaber you have Luke slate or workbook going back and forth I don't know anyway so they do that they finally get together yeah and then Palpatine is just like haha you're together you to complete your stuff and he hocus-pocus is them and sucks the life force out of them and it's just like oh I have my fingers back oh my mala I'm corporeal eyes Enoch because they're the Gemini because they're the Gemini twins that have all of the force so wow he sucks all of their energy out of them yeah they collapse under the floor Palpatine then shoots umbrella cloud of electricity oh oh I forgot I forgot right okay so the rebellion is all like fighting but like we don't have reinforcements we need reinforcements there's too many of land No cares about us oh thank god Lando and the Millennium Falcon shows up yeah with all of the people from the gap ready of course of course of course this is when some of the people in the audience were clapping because yeah but I will say at the same time it was cheesy knit that lays sure it was heartwarming and like we can do this Sherlock evil my heart in this time needed that dictators can't stand you know it was nice someone will stand up for what's right exactly so anyway so they came in yeah right as they come in that Palpatine is like haha I will electric you all through the atmosphere of this planet maybe he sort of out I don't know anyway he electric you small they're all free-falling both ships all the ships are like oh we can't we have no control but because he's electrocuted us oh and he um he electrocutes Adam driver down a shaft or something he's like you're gonna die like I gather oh why is he saying like palpitation sure he said like a mother Darth Maul there's a lot of chefs a lot of open chefs oh so she's lying there looking up and all of them meet electrocuted and falling oh and all the people that I love oh the rebellion oh my god and then this is a callback to earlier in the movie she was like meditating the first thing we see of her she's like cross-legged meditating floating okay and she's like be with me be with me they're not with me the spirits of the Jedi did they all show up as force ghosts and then they all together beat the sift together no I'm sorry and then the voice of Hayden Christensen absolutely nice right ray you have to bring balance to the forest like I did like he did that's that was the whole Yoda thing he will bring balance to the force that was Luke Luke brought balance to the force well but before it was a loose cannon well but that was ordered a lot of children what yes Master Skywalker there are too many of them what are we going to do [Music] Yoda shows up you said it base wind you know qui-gon jinn oh they just really wanted to give everyone a check they give everyone a check they had them all like look to all of the voice to it they just decent shoulders yeah Liam Neeson's voice was okay whatever it wasn't the visualization it was just that okay that's okay it was better that's better than but it still was really dog I'd be like we do oh you got this right we are with you so anyway all of the Jag they all [ __ ] show up and they're like yes [ __ ] we got you and he's like I have all of the power of the sit behind me you are nothing and she goes I've got every Jedi and then she brings Luke and Leia's over all right because so so she had Luke's lightsaber capturing his electricity he was like gives and she's like girl never told amore yeah and then she's gonna he's like I have every Power the power all the said that she's gonna crosses them he takes Leia sword and she their lightsaber he she's like haha I'm all the Jedi behind me and then he just sent two crates like he was in Indiana Jones like he melts he melts his entire body melts but so that I'm like well can he just be Frankensteined again what's happening I don't know this is nonsense I mean yeah so anyway issues you have enough fear and and darkness is in the universe sure you know and we don't get that applause for Tinker Bell to breathe in fatty but life exactly and then he disintegrates but she has worn herself out so much that she's just like passed out she's like basically and then kylo climbs up the shaft and like hovers over her and like gives her his forest power that is what happened do they kiss yes but they're dying love it's just a forced kid it's unknown because after he is life forced her back to mine I feel like if I saw them kiss I would be like upset I was like oh no we're still doing like Sleeping Beauty we're still doing and the princess was awoken by the princes kiss well it hasn't bad but yeah yeah was oh yeah a little bit it's my instrument like towards the certainiy yeah like it's just the same yes if it was to if the story was written it was two men that were doing this and teaming up oh we would never hit it right that's true it'd be like Oh bro I get to yeah that's true they'd like do one of these yeah that's true yeah [ __ ] annoying yeah anyway so he like forces save it brings her back to life yeah but then he spends all of his light force bringing her back to life so then she kisses him back - no no no that he does oh yeah that means her and he disappears at the same time that Leia's body now disappears so his body just disappears because she's still hanging out on and her body planted like covered her with a cloth but like then the cloth just falls away her body's no longer there you know like ah she's moved on she's become one with the force at the same time that her son has because he's now good because he's helped save everyone I don't know that's just what happens they all light speed back to wait so his body just poof disappeared gone you got one with the force but he doesn't take his helmet off and he's like surprisingly black or something no no he'd already taken the helmet off and it was it's James Earl Jones oh my god no that'd be great peels off his face Oh also under my lips his skin God James Earl Jones no pejorative James Earl Jones is also in this movie that's the voice of one of the sister of a Jedi that's Dr Weber but Hayden Christensen is also there yes which is confusing the same person I mean that's nonsense so if you can't get into this either that's we could be here for another four hours like we can anyway so they all go back to Endor there are you up so maybe did I sing a song or they like jump jump no they don't that's not but they do have a big celebration let her hair down finally and there's like two braids and it's really poofy no okay but there are lesbians that kiss oh hey and everyone was like oh my god there's a lesbian get some Star Wars Disney gets it and it's like but like you guys it was a three-second kiss in the background of these characters that we've never met before then just kisses yeah I couldn't tell you as far as I know two lesbian art teachers from santa fe were happen to be on set kiss i don't know i don't know who they were apparently they were rebel fighters okay now your poet yeah would have loved that yeah but no that doesn't happen yeah so they celebrate and then the movie ends I mean they're all gonna force ghosts Sergeant Pepper no no that doesn't happen that doesn't happen everything's great so then way somehow flies her way to Tatooine where she visits the ranch the cooling farm Oh was it called where Luke grew up but my moisture farm moist oddly moist requirement did she go - Tasha station to pick up some power converters come again no she does not as far as I know I was going into tosche station to pick up some power converters but so she's walking her she goes to the farm because that's what Luke really cared about I couldn't wait to get the [ __ ] out of it she buries his and her lightsabers because well even from there no I don't think it's a tattoo we know when and then so she could stand there and there could be two moons she could like be there's chillin to the Sun and then some which buries their lights she like buries the lights a good why they're useful I mean I guess she's gonna make her own or maybe the last Jenny I don't know then some woman the old woman out of nowhere shows that old crunch making the potty like that it's like no one's been here in ages who are you and she goes ray and she goes ray who and she goes ray Skywalker what I guess she felt like because she was raised and taught by Luke and Leia she has an actor turtle and because she was in love with kylo Ren she's now gonna lay claim to the Skywalker family name that's weird so that's the rise of Skywalker or is it the rise of Skywalker is then like to goodness because he gave he brought can be the light Luke was risen from the dead I that what they're talking about I don't know is uncle Owen and aunt Beru last name Skywalker then know one thing Anakin Skywalker oh that's true so so I was saying just like Gabe they were like here that Mary Magdalene Skywalker there's like a I carried him I raised him there was no father I knew were plentifully that Anakin Skywalker is Jesus these I think that's like saying so it's like when you look at the entirety like these three I had a thing going you have the entire time of the nine yeah the majority is nonsense oh yeah now at this point the average of the film is very bad yeah yeah so it's like this was one of the better ones it was still nonsense but it was at least coherent Lee told I mean nothing's ever gonna be as bad as the prequels so I guess I've seen like you know it's like a move like the second one especially episode 2 but also episode 1 there's so much about bloggers galactic politics I mean I hold on no vote of no confidence in Chancellor valorum why is this in this movie because poverty needed to be like machinations of evil political plan cuz he spent all the prequels being like I'm gonna use politics yeah the law to like become all-powerful but then at this point he's just I'm just evil Ali's lightning one could say isn't that how any dictatorship comes to be sure wait so Finn never is like I love you Ray no oh and then there's this weird Rolly awkward setting up the sequel's line where Liendo they're all celebrating right and Lando goes hey other person of color with the lady yeah okay what's your story we're your parents so like she says I don't know who my parents were and he goes let's find out cuz that's him cuz she's playing us well that's why I kept thinking how she's like what is this and I think it was more supposed to be like let's set up the next adventure of a side spin movie where now you saw he's the only one that will agree to sign a contract to continue to do these movies perhaps I don't know either way it was just like well this is awkward and once again now for the second time in this movie you have one of the four people of color perhaps ask the other person of color what's your story let's bond because we have the same skin tone and I'm like this is uncomfortable come on what up new rose oh she was there what happened to Poe he's an [ __ ] but he's better now what's Chile doing he's still there he shows up he helps I don't know in the end it was like what you know you're like c-3po and r2 doing there also hanging out so you're telling me that Luke and Leia don't show up as force ghosts to wave a goodbye to her at the end no they don't unfortunately the whole but they are forced ghosts so like come on you know bring back out guinness who's that Obi one he's dead now right Gregor they bring back to you and McGregor I think they don't they didn't have the voices as far as I'm sure didn't bring back the voices of any one who was literally dead okay in real life great well because I think there is gonna be a Ewan McGregor obi-wan yes though the after years I think is that dizzy Disney Plus yeah V or something so so I was looking it up and I guess there's gonna be like some more backstory movies and or shows yeah I haven't watched the Mandalorian I'm pretty sure you have not either I have not I've heard good things okay just don't care I've heard mostly it's kind of nonsense but people are watching it largely in part because of baby yoga I've heard a lot about baby Yoda it's really badly to me I was looking it up cuz I was like when the hell did force awakens come out when did is realizable till 2015 oh like what is the acquire Star Wars it seems like it's been a decade no it's been like four years yeah that was like only already ran it to the ground yeah are you look mind the entire well no this is my big overarching question okay how did Disney with all of the money mm-hmm and all of the Star Wars huh huh not plan out a trilogy I don't know write three scripts change them as you go but like write three scripts thank you they should have hired the same people to write the scripts and then you can hire whoever the [ __ ] you want to direct it if you want to do that but like have a plan have a plan ooh it really took DC's approach of like oh let's just the bed you know like they took the DC approach of like and let these all come together in a way and we'll hire the same writer as opposed to the Marvel is I mean I thought I mean you know I have a lot to say and we have about Avengers yeah and all of them oh boy say what you will but like a ventures endgame they might want to change that out of my head it all fit together the puzzle pieces made a picture that at least made some sort of sense yeah and this didn't it was clear that that was not the case well they obviously like put all their eggs in Ryan Johnson's basket and they might oh no what happened but apparently they still are talking him about doing more movies what I'm not angry about that well I mean I like he's good at making movie Johnson's having a good year knives that he's like hey there yeah people are now like ooh a lot less today I mean I don't I still don't get it I will not ever defend that movie with garbage a kid my picture that it was very very bad at least there was some weirdness sure the best part of the movie Luke drinking that milk Ellen oh my god that really stuck with me yeah no real way [Music] so anyway well I'm happy with my choice I think you're fine I think it would have only enraged me yeah and that's it was fun talking to you about it okay the whole thing I think you really think like honestly if we look back at your predictions you were pretty much right about all that except for the gate I mean there was a gay kiss but not right not the one I predicted exactly yeah well um cheers to the end of this yellow race together this is over its up they've all kind of said like this the end of the sky Walker these the original it's tight the storyline is done I mean they're gonna just loop it again but I think it will be with different people but it seems like they might take Daisy Ridley's stone I don't know should they have to give her all the money she seems maybe she is and maybe they maybe they'll just let it be and they'll explore I honestly would prefer that yeah yeah do more Road ones do three generations from now and it's her grandad you can't ever the buck yeah I mean also do a different thing but sure but the GABAA they're gonna stay in this galaxy in the world and whatever it is I'm fine with that just give me a different story that's unique and well thought out I'm quite excited I didn't give Disney any of my money I gave them my it was a discount matinee price oh good good for you cheers to Carrie Fisher yeah well I'm Harrison Ford because obviously they're fabulous yeah sure so Frank Oz yeah that check Frank on right [Music] you

Channel: MovieBitches

Views: 49,227

Rating: 4.8517108 out of 5

Keywords: moviebitches, movie review, movies, star wars, rise of skywalker, return of the jedi, a new hope, force awakens, last jedi, jedi, star wars review, star wars recap, star wars plot, rey, porgs, kylo ren, leah, luke skywalker, skywalker, palpatine, star wars movie review, empire strikes back, spaceballs, carrie fisher, harrison ford, adam driver, daisy ridley, domhnall gleeson, richard e grant, keri russell

Id: 4l_HvoHQfvw

Length: 103min 9sec (6189 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 20 2020