♪ ♪ ♪
♪ IT'S MONDAY, ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT? HAVE AN ORANGE SLICE. ENJOY THE SHOW. >> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THIS HERE, THE LATEST OF LATE SHOWS. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING? D YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I'M JUST GOING TO CRY OUT SOME
FLOWERY LANGUAGE TONIGHT. >> CATCHPHRASES, THEY'RE HUGE IN
COMEDY. >> THE FIND US HERE, THE LATEST
OF THE LATE SHOW. YEAH, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE DOING. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW WE'LL BE
CHATTING WITH DON CHEADLE AND RAFE SPALL, STICK AROUND FOR
THAT. BUT I FEEL LIKE WE NEED A
WEEKEND UPDATE, NOT LIKE THAT ONE. THAT IS A DIFFERENT CAT PHRASE,
NOT THAT, NO, WE TALKED A LOT ABOUT WEEKEND PLANS. AND I FEEL WE OWE IT TO
OURSELVES, NAY THE VIEW TORE FIND OUT. WERE YOU HEADING OFF ON A 7 A.M. BIKE RIDE, DAVE, COUNTRIES KAL,
CARRIE AND ROB, HOW DID IT GO? >> THE PICTURES LOOKED REALLY
FUN. >> YOU DIDN'T DO IT, DID YOU. >> NO, GOD, NO, I WAS NEVER
GONNA, PROBABLY. BUT I DID, INSTEAD, GO ON A 13
MILE BIKE RIDE ALONE AND THEN I MADE A LASAGNA. >> James: WELL, THAT'S ALL
RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT, I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. BUT YOU WENT, DAVE, DID YOU IT. >> I DID IT. >> James: I APPROXIMATE GOING
TO GIVE YOU A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THAT. SO YOU GOT THERE, YOU DID THE 7
A.M.. >> ACTUALLY IT WAS A 6:30 A.M. START. >> I MEAN THIS IS GETS MORE
RIDICULOUS. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT, BECAUSE
ROB AND KAREN SPECIFICALLY ARE FULL ON, FULL SPANDEX, SERIOUS
CYCLIST, IT WAS BASICALLY JUST LIKE ME SEEING THEIR SPANDEX
BUTTS AHEAD OF ME FOR 25 MILES, HAVE I HAD WORSE. >> SO AND HOW MANY MILES DID YOU
DO? >> 25 TOTAL. >> James: 25 MILES, WELL DONE,
THAT IS BRILLIANT. AND THEN TERRENCE, YOU CARRIED
ON, RIGHT? HOW MANY MILES DID YOU DO? >> 50. >> WHATEVER. >> James: WHAT IS AMAZING
ABOUT THIS, DAVE SAID I DID 25 AND HE GOT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. EVERYONE IS LIKE WELL DONE. TER-- TERRENCE IS LIKE WE DID
50, HUH. DOUBLE THE WORK, DOUBLE THE
EFFORT, DOUBLE THE EXERCISE AND NOT EVEN A THIRD OF THE
CONGRATULATIONS. SO WHY DID YOU DO 50? >> I WENT WITH ROB, WE JUST KEPT
RIDING, ENDED UP BEING 50. >> YOU JUST KEPT RIDING. >> HE STOPPED FOR A COFFEE AND
THEN AFTERWARDS KEPT GOING. >> WHAT WAS IN THE COFFEE? YOU HAVE TO INJECT THAT COFFEE
DIRECTLY INTO MY VEIN AND STILL I WOULD LOOK LIKE SO WHAT TIME
DID YOU FIN SNISH. >> 12:15. >> AND YOU LEFT AT 6:30. >> YEAH. >> WOW. I DO A RICOTTA, A MOZZARELLA AND
PARMESAN. AND IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT OF
HEVY CREAM AND THEN ARE YOU OFF TO THE RACE. >> THAT'S IT, THEN ARE YOU
THERE, ARE YOU GOLDEN. >> YEAH, WOW, THAT LASAGNA
SOUNDS GOOD. YOUR MORNING SOUNDS LIKE A
NIGHTMARE, IT REALLY DOES. YOU DID GET A BUNCH OF PHOTOS. >> THE MAN CAN'T STOP TAKING
PHOTOS. >> EVEN ON AN OFF DAY. >> LOOK AT THAT. THAT LOOKS LIKE THE WORST BOY
BAND. THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. WONG DIRECTION. LOOK AT THAT. THERE THEY ARE. WELL, CONGRATS, GUYS, LOOK WHO
IS IN THE STUDIO TODAY, GANG. OLIVIA IS IN THE STUDIO, THERE
SHE IS. THERE SHE IS. OLIVIA. >> HI. >> THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME
SITTING IN, JUST SITTING IN. >> YEAH, LAUREN GAVE ME HER
CHAIR. >> James: LAUREN GAVE THE
CHAIR, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN IT TO YOU LAST WEEK. SHE WAS-- SHE WAS DEEP IN A
CLEANSE. SHE WAS DEEP IN A CLEANSE. SHE WOULD I DON'T [BLEEP] I AM
ON A CLEANSE. OLIVIA IS HOW MANY WEEKS
PREGNANT NOW, OLIVIA. >> ALMOST 30. > 30 WEEKS. OH MY GOD. >> THIRD TRY. >> James: DO WE KNOW THE
GENDER. >> WE KNOW, IT'S A GIRL. >> James: COME ON NOW. COME ON. J DO YOU HAVE ANY NAMES. >> WE HAVE A LIST. I JUST GOT TO GET A FEEL. >> ALLEGRA. >> James: ALLEGRA, ARE YOU
GOING WITH A LEG-- ALLEGRA. >> OH MY GOD, DON'T SHARE ANY
NAMES, PLEASE. >> James: WHY, GUILLERMO, WHY
CAN WE NOT SHARE NAMES. >> IT IS JUST, WAY TOO
CONTROVERSIAL. >> YEAH, WE WERE GOING TO NAME
HER NALO MOON. >> Reggie: NOW THAT. >> I LOVE THAT. >> James: I THINK YOU SHOULD. AS A HIGHLY-- YOU HAVE MADE A
JOKE AND IT IS UP TO YOU NOW TO COMMIT. YOU WALKED HOME AND YOU SAY TO
STERLING, WE ARE, LOOK, I MADE A JOKE ON THE SHOW, IT PLAYED
WELL. I HAVE TO COMMIT TO THIS JOKE
NOW. OUR DAUGHTER IS CALLED NALO MOON
AND YOU WILL SHOW HER THIS CLIP AND SHE WILL GO IS THAT WHAT YOU
USED TO DO FOR A JOB? I NAMED HER THE SAME NAME AS THE
DRUMMER IN THE BAND AND THAT, AND WE HAVE LOST TOUCH NOW. YOU ARE 26 BUT IT FELT FUNNY AT
THE TIME. WELL, THRILLED THAT ARE YOU
HERE, THRILLED THAT YOU AND LITTLE NALO ARE HERE. WE REALLY ARE, WE REALLY, REALLY
ARE, HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND, BERNSTEIN, WHAT WENT DOWN? >> IT WAS GOOD. I'M GETTING A LOT OF WEIRD
CORRESPONDENT THESE DAYS ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER PLACES. I HAVE GOTTEN AN INTERVIEW FROM
A GERMAN ENTERTAINMENT BLOG. I AM IN LIKE 3,000 LINKED
IN-- RIGHT NOW AND I'VE BEEN ASKED IF I WANTED TO INVEST IN
REAL ESTATE IN MIAMI. AND IN LIKE VARIOUS INDEPENDENT
FILMS. >> WOW. >> SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S
HAPPENING BUT THANK YOU. >> James: IS THIS YOUR WAY,
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO PEOPLE IS YOU WILL ONLY CORRESPOND WITH
THEM ON YOUR ONLY FAN PAGE. >> NICK HAS GOT AN ONLY FANS
PAGE. IT IS NOT TOO-- IT IS NOT ADULT
MATERIAL, BUT IT GETS RISQUE LIKE YOU KNOW, ANY, ANY PRODUCT
THAT IS MENTIONED ON THE SHOW, HE JUST COVERS-- THAT IS WHAT IT
ST. LOOK, NO, NOT IN A-- FOR COMEDY. >> NOT IN A WEIRD WAY. >> James: NOT LIKE THAT. THAT IS WHAT HE DOES. YEAH, I THINK, DID YOU WANT
PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT THE ONLY FANS PAGE. >> I AM JUST, I DECIDED I'M
SAYING YES TO EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. >> James: LOOK AT THE WAY HE
IS PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR, LOOK. HE ALREADY, LOOK AT THE WAY HE
JUST, JUST LIKE THAT, HE'S LIKE OH GOD, I HATE ALL THIS. I JUST, I JUST CAN'T BEAR ALL
THIS ATTENTION ON MY LIFE. I CAN'T BEAR IT. I JUST-- I'M JUST A REGULAR GUY
GOING TO WORK. >> HOW DARE YOU. >> James: WELL, IT IS THAT
TIME T IS TECHNICALLY TUESDAY MORNING, THAT IS THE TRUTH OF
IT. WE ARE ACTUALLY THE FIRST PEOPLE
TO GIVE YOU THE NEWS ON TUESDAY MORNING. WE WILL GIVE YOU NEWS THAT IS 24
HOURS OLD FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. >> YOU HAVE LIKE FIVE HOURS SWRZ
BUT WE'RE DOING STORIES THAT SHE DID A DAY AGO. AND THAT'S-- LET'S BE HONEST,
EVEN THAT IS BEING GENEROUS. UNLESS GALE KING IS DOING A
STORY ABOUT A DONUT THAT LOOKS LIKE A [BLEEP], I MEAN I FEEL
LIKE WE SHOULD TELL-- I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO TELL THE
AUDIENCE SOMETHING AND FOR THE PEOPLE AT HOME AND THE PEOPLE ON
YOUTUBE, I THE DK-- I MEAN THAT, HOW LONG HAVE WE DONE THE SHOW
NOW, SIX AND A HALF YEARS, IN THE SIX AND A HALF YEARS WE HAVE
DONE THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," THIS, WHAT WE ARE ON NOW IS THE
LONGEST STRETCH OF WEEKS WE'VE EVER DONE CONSECUTIVE SHOWS. WE'VE-- THE LONGEST WE'VE EVER
DONE TO THIS POINT IS SEVEN WEEKS WITHOUT A LITTLE BREAK. WE ARE NOW ON THE MONDAY OF WEEK
EIGHT AND LET ME TELL YOU, LET MAY TELL YOU, YOU CAN FEEL IT. YOU CAN. YOU CAN. YOU CAN FEEL IT. YOU CAN FEEL IT. YOU CAN FEEL IT, ALL AROUND LIKE
EVEN LAWRENCE SHAPIRO CAME IN AND SAID I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
[BLEEP] IS GOING ON OUT THERE BUT EVERYONE IS LOSING IT
[BLEEP] (LAUGHTER)
SHOULD WE JUST CALL IT A DAY NOW? SEE LIKE DO YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN? SHOULD WE JUST-- IT IS DON
CHEADLE HERE YET? >> I BELIEVE HE'S HERE. >> James: TURN THE CAR AROUND. IT IS THAT TIME, IT'S TIME FOR
THE NEWS. [BLEEP] WHAT IS GOING ON? NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ONE
TONIGHT, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ONE, JUST SAY. >> I GOT A GREAT ONE ACTUALLY. >> James: WE'D LOVE TO HEAR
IT. >> OKAY. >> James: YOU'VE GOT A GREAT
ONE. >> SURE DO. >> James: OKAY, HERE WE GO. WELL, IT'S THAT TIME-- IT'S THAT
TIME GUYS, ITS IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS. IT IS ACTUALLY NOT BAD BECAUSE
WE DO HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS TO SHARE. THE NUMBER OF NEW COVID CASES IN
THE UNITED STATES HAS DROPPED TO ITS LOWEST LEVEL IN ALMOST A
YEAR. LOOK AT THAT. YEAH. THAT'S THE NEWS WE NEED ON A
MONDAY. IS IT A LOW POINT. COVID IS AT A LOW, IT'S OUT,
IT'S GETTING DRUNK AT LUNCH, WEARING A BATH ROBE IN PUBLIC,
THAT IS HOW LOW IT'S GOTTEN. THAT LOW. AND OTHER NEWS, AIRPORTS MAY
SOON START SCREENING PEOPLE FOR COVID USING DOGS. ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY THAT
CAME OUT TODAY DOGS CAN DETECT MORE THAN 90% OF INFECTIONS
WHICH WOULD ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR PASSENGERS TO QUARANTINE,
CATS MEAN WILE DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR DIE. >> BUT THIS IS TRUE. THEY USE A FASCINATING
TECHNIQUE. WHAT THEY DO IS YOU GET TO THE
AIRPORT, GET THE DOG AND THEY RAM THE DOG AS FAR UP YOUR NOSE
AS THEY CAN. SHOVE THE DOG UP YOUR NOSE, AND
THEN PULL IT OUT AND THE DOG GOES YEAH, COVID. MEANWHILE THE WHITE HOUSE HAS A
NEW INITIATIVE TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GET VACCINATED. IT'S PARTNERING WITH DATING
APPS. PROOF OF VACCINATIONS WILL NOW
GET USERS ON APPS LIKE TINDER, HINGE AND BUMBLE TO ACCESS
PREMIUM CONTENT INCLUDING BOOTHS, SUPER LIKES AND
SUPERSWIPES AND AS I'M SAYING THIS I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER
TO BE MARRIED AND NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS. IS THERE A WAY JOE BIDEN HAS ANY
IDEA WHAT THIS PROGRAM IS OR THAT IT'S EVEN HAPPENING? LIKE JOE BIDEN RIGHT NOW IS
PACING AROUND THE OVAL OFFICE LIKE HOW DO WE GET FARMERS ONLY
INVOLVED. OR A DATING APP NAME, JUST
STARTING TO SOUND MORE AND MORE MADE UP. YOU KNOW, LIKE EVENTUALLY
MARRIED COUPLES ARE GOING TO BE LIKE WHAT'S OUR STORY, WELL WE
FIRST MATCHED ON SCHWINN AND I SWIPED RIGHT ON HIS PROFILE ON
GHOSTPENIS AND WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SINCE. DO YOU SEE, YOU ARE OFF THE
DATING APPS NOW. BUT YOU WERE ON THEM FOR AWHILE,
RIGHT? >> YEAH, I WAS ON THERE. BUT IT IS NOT A SUCCESSFUL
VENTURE FOR ME. WHATEVER IS THERE IS IN HERE
THAT SOMEONE MIGHT LIKE, DOESN'T COME THROUGH ON THOSE. >> James: IT IS DIFFICULT TO
CAPTURE THE ET CETERAENCE OF YOU IN AN IMANCE DRK DRK IMAGE. >> THERE IS NO WAY, IT HAS TO BE
MOVING U UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL, YELLING AT YOU OVER DINNER. >> James: I THINK YOU ARE
RIGHT, I'M VERY RELIEVED TO HAVE NOT BEEN PART OF IT. >> YOU HAD TO COME UP WITH LIKE
A FIRST LINE EVERY TIME. >> James: AND THEN YOU HAVE TO
COME UP WITH A SONG. >> OH YEAH. >> James: ON THE VIDEO. THAT'S FOR ME THE BIGGEST
PRESSURE I THINK THERE IS OUT THERE, TO COME UP WITH A SONG,
WHAT WOULD YOUR SONG BE. YOU KNOW WHERE THEY DO THE ONE
THAT IS LIKE EIGHT IMAGES, THAT'S RIGHT, LIKE EIGHT IMAGES,
THE I WOULD GUY IS LIKE IS THAT ON RIA OR TINNER. >>
>> James: YOU KNOW WHAT MY SONG WOULD BE, EVERYBODY HURTS. THAT IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE. AND JUST A BLACK AND WHITE
IMAGES OF ME LOOKING OUT OF WINDOWS. >> WITH AN ICE SCREAM, THE
SCOOP-- ICE CREAM, THE SCOOP IS ON THE GROUND. >> DAYS LONG AND THE NIGHT AND
I'M LIKE THE NIGHT IS YOURS ALONE. ♪ AND DID EVERYBODY SEA THIS,
WITH HIS WIN YESTERDAY, AT THE PGA CHAMPIONSHIP PHIL MICKELSON
AT THE AGE OF 50 BECAME THE OLDEST WINNER OF A MAJOR GOLF
TOURNAMENT EVER. SHOWS HOW MUCH I KNOW. I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT
THE SECOND YOU PLAYED GOLF YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY 50 YEARS OLD. PHIL MICKELSON WON A MAJOR AT
50, TOM BRADY WON A SUPER BOWL AT 43. JAMES CORDEN DID 30 MINUTES ON
HIS PELOTON THIS MORNING, AGE 29, ATHLETES COME AT EVERY AGE
GUYS, THEY DO. THAT RAISES THE QUESTION, MOST
PEOPLE TAKE UP GOLF WHEN THEY HIT RETIREMENT AGE. WHAT DOES A GOLFER DO, WHAT DOES
A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER DO FOR RETIREMENT. THEY'RE LIKE I'M GOING TO KICK
BACK, RELAX AND BECOME A MECHANICAL ENGINEER. >> AND FINALLY, DISNEY
CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE IS GOING TO START SELLING AN AVENGER THEMED
SANDWICH. A MASSIVE PANINI SANDWICH WITH
SALAMI, ROSEMARYHAM AND PROVOLONE AND COSTS 100. HERE IS A LIES OF IT HERE, $100. ALTHOUGH FOR DISNEYLAND PRICES
GO, IT IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOD DEAL. IT IS A BIG SALAMI AND HAM
PANINI THAT CAN FEED UP TO EIGHT PEOPLE AND EVEN BEING RELEASED
IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE NEW UPCOMING MARVEL FILM AVENGERS,
AGE OF ULCERS
