Smuggling Weed Gummies Into Australia - Ari Shaffir - This Is Not Happening

went to Australia has anybody ever been to Australia you have really ten years ago how long was the flight forever yeah you got to consider killing yourself my flight was 13 hours it's so long what were you on 747 no that's not what I was talking about it's not I can see how you would think that's what I was talking about but no what drugs did you take to survive but 13 hours in a 747. I take pot cookies with me and I was I put him in a tupperware container and I had my friend's wife write on the tupperware box we miss you honey enjoy the cookies love Mom yeah and I got on 50 essay because they don't do and uh and then so we're sitting there me and my friend and we got bumped out to first class we got it was so awesome so anyway we took off and um the seat belt light went off and as soon as it went off I went you know I took it off one of my friends I'm like hey you ready for some pot cookies and I cracked open the Tupperware and the reek of marijuana just filled up the entire first class cabin and I was like oh really eats I need some hurry oh that was like five years ago cut to last October I just went again and this time I took with me pot gummy bears yeah the technology has improved Los gumias Hermanos they're amazing and for seven dollars you can get a cherry flavored gummy bear that'll you up for five hours there's no more bad flights after that you can get stuck in between two fat dudes and instead of being upset you're just like you guys are so soft it was great but the pot gummy bears are amazing so I slept for like eight hours of the trip this time uh and so when I landed I had like seven Pak gummy bears left over and I went to throw them away again like Orlando I went to like Chuck them but then I got to the bathroom and I thought about my dad my dad's a holocaust Survivor uh for real he's like 81 and um the one thing he always talked about in the Holocaust was that it was it was really difficult um to find good weed so um so the way I honor the memory or the Fallen uh Jews is that I was going to smuggle these gummy bears into Sydney Australia that's how I would never forget so so here's my plan I came with a plan I heard these macadamia nuts in my bag and I was gonna say the drug if they smelled anything I was just gonna say they were smelling the macadamia nuts that's it that's the plan when you hear it out loud it doesn't sound that good at all but man I was so high when I came up with it it seemed like a perfect plan so you get out and uh and uh as you get into line they put you in this Customs line and you put your bags down and they have this jog this Jack Russell terrier and he's wearing a uniform and they bring this dog they take it and they bring it by your back and this dog went right like I had three bags let's say this was the bag it was in and the pocket eyebrows were right there this dog went right to that pocket and just starts going like that just starts tapping at it with his paw and in my head I'm thinking like get the out of here dog are you kidding me right now it's the worst place possible for you to be it's where I keep my drugs and to the guy he looks at me and he goes what's uh what's going on in the bag and I was like macadamia nuts okay because I think the dog okay macadamia nuts have a pungent um what I believe is happening is that a dog with his Keen sense of smell um went by and because of the Mac attack maybe not so I have that the dog is triggered by that and um macadamia nuts is my answer macadamia nuts and he just looks at me and he just goes no he's not trying to smell from macadamia nuts I was like ah ah why didn't I research this because uh they're just trying to smell for fruit and for drugs and in my head I was thinking like ah fruit it's so much access to that he goes do you have any fruit in there and I was like no I mean it's so easy they were giving away bananas on the plane at some point when you know you're getting caught there's not even you don't even get nervous anymore it's just going to happen you know those those nature videos where lion or tiger will kill some animal like a zebra and for a while the zebra like kicks and and tries to get them off but then as soon as the lion gets like a really good grazing our neck the zebra just goes yeah whatever bro foreign do what you got to do it's your game that's how I was like all right let's see what happens and then out of nowhere it was just like was it is it possible that maybe earlier you had an apple or something and then like you rested it on the bag and I was like [Laughter] yes that thing you said that's what happened to me he looks at me and he just goes you're okay and he pulled the dog away I was so worried I got the out of there instantly the only person I feel bad for in this story the only one I feel bad for is uh the dog the dog must have been like what the else do I have to do we agreed upon a signal I'll go like this when I find drugs where was I doing I was giving you the signal here are the drugs here are the drugs I keep saying keep bringing up apples nobody's gives a about apples bro they're legal here all right thank you very much

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 144,984

Keywords: Ari Shaffir, This Is Not Happening, Ari Shaffir comedian, Ari Shaffir stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, true story, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up, best of ari shaffir, the skeptic tank, protect our parks, mark nourmand, shane gillis, joe rogan, ari shaffir stand up comedy, ari shaffir jew, jew stand up special, jew full special, ari shaffir kobe, ari shaffir bert kreischer

Id: rXpl6dYzLSk

Length: 6min 18sec (378 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 01 2023