Smithers & Beyond: Every LGBT Joke on The Simpsons Ever

hello smithers you're quite good at turning me on [Music] we work hard we play hard but guys come on don't you remember history class jebediah once killed a bear with his bare hands oh sorry we forgot how much you love jebediah's springfield yeah he's your boyfriend oh come on guys knock it off it's glorious it's beautiful i love you smithers feeling is more than neutral sir krusty i'm man enough to admit i was wrong and i'm sorry i fingered you in court i sincerely hope that the horrible stories i heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated how's my big important executive oh marge every woman i interview for the secretary job makes kissy faces at me hmm hello mr simpson i'm kyle he sounds good hire him you don't belong here huh you don't belong here you're a fraud and a phony and it's only a matter of time until they find you out let's go shopping a man's suit should make him feel like a prince it should cry out to the world here i am don't judge me love me do any of these suits do that no i like this ah it sounds like everything has arrived you did this yes sir i hope i didn't overstep my bounds i love you homer i love you carl you marge your obedient servant cow good luck sir what are you doing here i just came to say goodbye to the gals in the typing pool yeah well thanks for the speech carl but i can't give it look at me i guess i haven't taught you anything what do you mean don't you see you did it all it was never the hair you did it because you believed you could and you still can i'm just a big fool oh no you're not how do you know because my mother taught me never to kiss our fool now go get him [Music] uh i want you to find a husband for my sister selma find a husband but i thought she was the one who didn't like to be you know touched it's patty who chose a life of celibacy selma simply had celibacy thrust upon homer you will find her a man oh my ho homer sexual homosexual oh come on come on one of you guys has got to be homosexual resorting the field manually seed by [Music] scene tell me principal skinner are you married only to my job but if you weren't married to your job you tend to go for a girl right well of course seymour i don't know i mean this is so oh just say whatever's in your heart but i'm a twin and as such i have a special special tie to your sister yes mm-hmm and the only man i could marry would have to understand that you couldn't leave your sister for any man yes so i know you appreciate why you can never see you again exactly farewell my patty cake good night sweet principal somebody up there likes me smithies somebody down here likes you too sir shut up at last the world will see you as i always have yes yes yes now don't be stingy with the blush smithers ah smithers i want my tea doesn't it bother you that he orders you around like that oh actually i value every second we're together from the moment i squeeze his orange juice in the morning till i tuck him in at night he's not just my boss he's my best friend too now how about a big welcome for buddy fallout boy hodgie when radioactive got injected with shrinking serum in issue 234 how come his costume shrinks too i am sure i don't know but i did just finish playing rum tom tugger in the second national touring company of cats anybody see it oh me mimi yes you're the masked boy you think the ghost of dirk richter haunts the bordello where his bullet-riddled body was found dirk richton was a beautiful bed can't you little vultures leave him alone karate focuses the mind and gives one self-confidence people from all walks of life doctors landscape architects choreographers hmm keep that handsome owner out of sight he's distracting the female employees smithers got me sir 90 seconds decor meltdown sir there may never be another time to say i love you sir oh hot dog thank you for making my last few moments on earth socially awkward oh smithers i guess there's nothing left to do but kiss my sorry ass goodbye sir if you keep spending time with lisa she'll forgive you marge if i spend any more time doing these girl things i'm gonna you know go fruity ugly butch what's the matter can't you find a hairstyle you like huh that's the one for me ed asner no mary tyler moore [Music] ready for that drink sir just a second smithers let me introduce you to the gang that's buzz that's honey did you see that queen over there her name is smithers i can't imagine that job of yours is very stimulating but it gives me time to think what do you think about girls i mean boys i i mean you let's see football football homo eroticism in oddball canadian rules phyllis george and hmm so what's the verdict oh dear god i can't even put a bag over my head yes you can i must finish this letter quickly for i have only four minutes to live three simple words i am gay homer for the last time i am not putting that in and any time i hear the wind blow it will whisper the name oh that's very good lisa p.s i am gay dogs are idiots think about it smithers if i came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face what would you say if you did it sir the emmy goes to i don't believe this sideshow bob this is one more enemy than you'll ever win you bantering jack-in-the-box just don't drop that thing in the shower bob my name's patty i'll be testing you when you do good i use the green pen when you do bad i use the red pen have you always been a chick i mean you know i don't want to offend you but you were born a man weren't you you could tell me i'm open-minded i'll be needing this listen martin right now i'm looking for a friend who won't leave me for a girl that's me i'm just as unpopular with the ladies as i am with the chaps yeah right anyway do you want to do something after school it's a date bart and i would like to announce that we are friends hello i am lou ellen sinclair i have directed three plays in my career and i've had three heart attacks i'm planning for a fourth and mr boswell the man behind those infamous worst-dressed lists memo to goldie hawn cheerleading tryouts were 30 years ago let's grow up shall we [Laughter] he's such a [ __ ] this afternoon i'll take you to the beauty parlor and show you just how lovely you can be i'll teach you the tricks of the trade taping your swimsuit to your butt petroleum jelly on your teeth for that frictionless smile and the ancient art of padding i said step pause turn pause pivot step step not step pause turn pause pivot step pause oh shudder heel toe heel toe heel toe hmm do you really think i can win hey i'm starting to think i can win i am calliope the muse of her rock poetry no kidding [Music] there goes the last lingering threat of my heterosexuality what do you think smithies i think women and semen don't mix we know what you think young lady you're hired he has a demented melancholia of a tennessee williams heroine don't you think i know that well it's been two months you laid down the law and i'm proud of you you just can't see the big picture if i stick to my guns the boy could wind up chief justice of the supreme court if i'd failed the best he could do is judge at a mr tight buns competition don't worry smithers i am putting you where the action is springtime fresh winter white you've been reading my wish book sir now i don't know much about haggling or bargaining so why don't we just agree to pay whatever the winfields want that could work uh what was that sorry hey baby how about putting your finger in my ear well i don't know your boyfriend looks like the jealous type what the that chick's messing with our minds let's get out of here uh amanda hugging kiss hey i'm looking for amanda hugging kiss why can't i find a man to hug and kiss maybe your standards are too high mr blow that name again is mr plow hello i'm calling from delinquent accounts at kumatsu motors oh you want the mr ploughplow's driveways this is tony plow you know from lyric to beaver yeah they were gay and bart can sleep with us until he's 21. won't that warp him my cousin frank did it you don't have a cousin frank he became francine back in 76 then he joined that cult i think his name is mother shabooboo now when i first heard about the operation i was against it then i thought if homer wants to be a woman so be it barney i'm not getting a sex change well what the hell am i supposed to do with this jumbo thong bikini nothing brings out the stars like the maiden voyage of a monorail everyone's here from recently outed leading man dash calhoun to moe from your secret admirer oh god no honey i tell this boy that you're very flattered but you're just not ready for this kind of thing and if that doesn't work six simple words i'm not gay but i'll learn i'll go disguised as you what if he wants to hold hands i'm prepared to make that sacrifice what if he wants a kiss i'm prepared to make that sacrifice what if he you don't want to know how far i'll go wait a minute is he coming on to me i mean if i should slip something into your pocket what's the harm after all negotiations make strange pet fellows sorry mr burns but i don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans sure i'm flattered maybe even a little curious but the answer is no we're going back to work [Applause] [Music] i dreamt i was the queen of the old west i kept a sick shooter in my carter i did [Music] boy stop you can both marry me so i rode out the war posing as a german cabaret singer won't you come home france browder won't you come home [Music] that's not i'm a booby is that story true grandpa well most of it i did wear a dress for a period in the 40s oh they had designers then in other news the chick in the crying game is really a man i mean man is that a good movie don't worry mom i'll bust you out of there just as soon as i get a cocktail dress and a crowbar martina until i met you i was the loneliest warden in the penal system go down i go [Music] that is some outfit skully it makes you look like a homosexual oh maybe you are our homosexuals too you're going to be my murder victim bart in our school production of lizzie borden starring martin prince as lizzy 40 wax with a wet noodle bark it's so good to be home again look what happened without my pills bart run upstairs get grandpa's medicine not so fast i want to court this fair young maiden there's something you should know about me i've got steve and eddie tickets i'm all yours on another topic the preparations for your birthday begun i won't get what i really want no one does happy birthday mr smithers it's me sir bobo hug me squeeze me tug at my fur enough stop this grotesque charade well if it isn't my good friends the crimson family master simpsonny excellent dad do you notice anything strange yeah his hairdo looks so clear i heard that he was a boy sure homer trapped in vending machines okay would you two like to go to the ballet that's girl's stuff [Music] my archipelago's loins ought to be outlawed far too much dancing not nearly enough printing a little mincing would be nice marge is not the only one who can have a girls night out ooh sounds delish let me just toss some jeans on it wait a minute who is this i just get one of those inflatable women but make sure it's a woman though cause one time i come on out of that i'll give you ride home there are ghost cars all over these highways you know hold me only if you hold me you can call a cab in there hmm well bye i'm sorry about all this but you got to admit we did have some fun yeah everything before the high-speed chase was just lovely hey you're a good friend marge sir in the spirit of the festival and everything i i just like to say that i love you in those colors oh who am i kidding the boathouse was the time pikachu stick and sexy thoughts think a sexy thought [Music] oh mindy you came and you gave without flaking but i said you've been gay oh andy and i dad why are you singing tell a lie tell a lie um because i have a small role in the broadway musical it's not much but it's a start are you hiding something from me like what judging from your song you're infatuated with a woman named mindy or a man named andy of cars it must be exciting to live in the casino yeah you know we're having a party tonight lisa ordinarily i'd say you should stand up for what you believe in but you've been doing that an awful lot lately yeah you made us much in that gay rights parade hello smithers you're quite good at turning me on um you probably should ignore that this is not flanders my friend what do you say i don't know something about being gay clang clang playing with the trolley ring ring ring with the bell zing zing zing with my thank you i propose to you that your heir need not be a boy in this photocentric society of ours i don't know what phallocentric means but no girls so much for plan b how do i get out of the army no problemo just make a pass at your commanding officer done and done and i mean done what's going on in there nothing darling one read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying love that will be with you always sincerely yada yada how did you think of that so fast i sent it to you on your birthday excuse me i have something in my eye hmm come on waylon make love to me the way you used to no it's that horrible mr burns isn't it you'll leave mr birds out of us smithers smithers my plan has come to fruition soon i'll be queen of summertime oh king king my these seas are certainly heaving well no more than your bountiful bosom milady does that earring mean you're a pirate kinda hey look this one's coming on to me you mr robot hey mr smithers well you might as well give me a ride home now never gone behind mr burns back before but sideshow bob's ultra-conservative views conflict with my choice of lifestyle jessica bart be strong you don't need that little hellcat she's already drawing me to her with her beautiful siren song that's very disturbing hey marge this guy looks like a pooch i don't want people to see us looking at these books hi guys what you're looking at uh i'm just reading up on artillery yes and i'm pursuing my interest in and i'm pulling your favorite song out of the jukebox it's raining man yeah not no more it ain't wow [Music] wait a minute there's something bothering me about this place this lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit enjoy your death trap ladies what was her problem you remember the stone cutter's grandpa oh sure let's see and i'm an elk a mason a communist i'm the president of the gay and lesbian alliance for some reason working with former carter administration officials and military men who were forced into early retirement for various reasons which won't go into here okay the following people are gay taken off just a second hey somebody's touching me i am oh okay yeah you're giraffe little girl i'm a boy that's the spirit ah i look exactly the same you [ __ ] oh you look at these ten years younger plus i did your breasts does anyone hear me complaining about the breasts today we learn the dance off the fairy queens you can either be a fairy or a queen it's wide open ballet is for the strong the fierce the determined but for the cece's never now put on the swooshy attire you are a fairy the masked dancer is me fart bart does melee he dances like girls go ahead and laugh but i took a chance and did something i wanted to do and if that makes me a [ __ ] well then i guess i'm a [ __ ] he's a [ __ ] let's rush him well maybe this film festival could help us a film biography might let them get to know the real you virtuous heroic nubile you left it pleasant okay sherman you're a movie expert so tell us who's gay oh i don't know abby feinstein no who else uh oh macgyver's gay [Music] you bad mouth macgyver didn't you oh i thought they were playing the rocky horror picture show tonight marge you being a cop makes you the man which makes me the woman and i have no interest in that besides occasionally wearing the underwear which as we discussed is strictly a comfort thing homer there's no reason for you to feel threatened you'll always be the man of this house oh thanks honey [Music] father i'm not a catholic but well i tried to march in the st patrick's day parade but anyway blast i took mother's makeup kit by mistake excuse me superintendent chalmers oh my god billowing backpacks radioactive man it's the worst villain of them all the scoutmaster go get them scouts [Music] don't be afraid to use your nails boys i've been waiting 25 years for this moment i'm sorry sir let's take over that live from the springfield civic auditorium ambassador henry m of the ivory coast writes what is the real deal with mr burns assistant smithers you know what i'm talking about of course we do as you can see the real deal with waylon smithers is that he's mr burns assistant he's in his early 40s is unmarried and currently resides in springfield smithers release the robotic richard simmons [Music] smith is out of control i'll [Music] is want to see lots of pictures when you get back uh actually sir picture digging is not allowed at this particular resort oh i gotta go now there's a line for me behind me [Music] something tells me mr burns needs me [Music] tonight 70s leading man troy mcclure has finally met the woman of his dreams we may remember woman huh are you gay gay i wish no what i have is a romantic abnormality one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all costs stop not bar mr smithers razzles skittles whatchamacallit twizzlers they all have hilarious names that are delicious well i am partial to dolly ranchers boom just like that they took a photo of my keister for stars and stripes at least they told me it was for stars and stripes hey fun boys get the room we're here we're clear we don't want any more bears that's pretty catchy chant where'd you learn it oh i heard it at the mustache parade they have every year these are my only friends grown-up nerds like gore vidal and even he's kissed more boys than i ever will girls lisa boys kiss girls people are becoming a bit confused by the way you and your opponent are constantly holding hands we are merely exchanging long protein strings if you can think of a simpler way i'd like to hear it we're prepared to offer you an impressive salary plus health benefits for you and your life partner the answer is no now get down here so i can spank you in front of the smoking rebel smithers take off my belt with pleasure sir julius clancy skinner seymour mother patty smithies my my parents insisted i give it a try sir do you find something funny about the word tromboner no there you go he does not jimmy likes she does not oh nobody likes milhouse i like you too milhouse but not in that way you're more like a big sister no i'm not why does everybody keep saying that when you get back to class just give him this note sure what's a big sister for [Music] guess who likes you so sorry he can't hear you now we had to pack his ears with gauze [Music] oh man you kissed a girl that is so gay ma'am i wouldn't honk the honk if i couldn't talk for tonk is this a gbm well i also like rainy days in movies uh no i don't like that or that no it's not that i'm afraid i'm gonna hang up now bye-bye what'll you be doing smithers something gay no doubt what you know lighthearted fancy free mothers lock up your daughters smithers is on the town [Music] they like itchy they like scratchy one kid seems to love the speedo man oh you should see the crossword puzzle she thought that mindy lived with mark [Music] how can you love a boxer a toyographic you're a grown man it's camp the tragically ludicrous the ludicrously tragic oh yeah like when a clown dies well sort of but i mean more like inflatable furniture or last supper tv trays or even this bowling shirt so do those records have camp value everything here does you yourself are worth a bundle homer well i could wrap a bow around you and slap on a price tag your father's certainly taking a shine to him oh homer you are the living end we gotta have him and his wife over for drink sometime i don't think he's married homer didn't john seem a little festive to you he prefers the company of men who doesn't listen carefully john is a ho moe right sexual oh my god i dance with her gay marge lisa promise me you won't tell anyone promise me think of the property values now we can never say only straight people have been in this house he should at least have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's that way you know me marge i like my beer cold my tv loud and my homosexuals flaming john uh waylon i'd like you to meet the simpsons i know the simpsons so this is your sick mother don't do this to me waylon he didn't give you gay did he did he oh jeez louise you don't even know what you're worried about anymore where'd you get that shirt oh came out of the closet uh [Music] the boy was wearing a hawaiian shirt there's only two kinds of guys who wear those shirts gay guys and big fat party animals and bart doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me i hope you realize this is all your fault i mean do you have to be so effeminate around the boy homer what have you got against gays it's not usual if there was a law would be against it oh homer please you're embarrassing yourself they turned the navy into a floating joke they ruined all our best names like bruce and lance and julian those were the toughest names we had no they're queer i resent you people using that word that's our word for making fun of you where are we going just a couple of good old-fashioned manly places you're leaving the arm there too long you want to make it worse no you'll know you're on to him quick shake his hand whatever happens i'll always love you as s as a father regular father well it's been two hours how do you feel i don't know i kind of want a cigarette that's a good start let's get you a pack what's your brand anything slim i want all of you to say hello to the simpsons hello stand still there's a spark in your hair i gotta get it hot stuff coming through why did you bring me to a gay steel mill i don't know eurostic be nice we work hard we play hard [Music] where you been homer entire steel industry's gay yeah aerospace two and a railroads and you know what else broadway whole modern world's got a swishifying effect on kids today and their mtvs and their diet sodas ain't gonna set them straight neither bart could shoot a deer that's like shooting a beautiful man then aside marge i'm taking the boy deer hunting he's going to grow up straight for once you never went hunting before and you're perfectly straight oh yeah how long since you've had a baby today you're gonna be a man bart you guys gonna teach me to drive oh yeah that a twinkle toes drive betsy right you ever been hunting before there barty nope something about a bunch of guys alone together in the woods seems kind of gay that is a very immature attitude young man still got that other kid uh lisa let's uh take her out hunting tomorrow make her into a man oh she'd never go she's a vegetarian is it okay to come out now mr gay man sir i'll do anything you say anything oh moe we were saved by a [ __ ] yeah yeah we'll never live it down and i don't want you calling him a [ __ ] this guy's a fruit no wait wait wait queer queer queer that's what you like to be called right well that or john i won your respect and all i had to do was save your life now if every gay man could just do the same you'd be set maybe it's just a concussion talking but any way you choose to live your life is okay with me he thinks you're gay he thinks i'm gay [Music] excuse me mr smithers bart may be seriously hurt could we possibly go ahead of you um no i really would rather get this taken care of well what are you waiting for somebody to kiss you goodbye well no no no i guess not what kind of little boy has a tea set i think we both know the answer to that a lucky boy i'm going to step out for a few minutes class martin you're in charge no bart uh uh you must promise not to fall in love with me now martin's scorn of me that is it yeah yeah i remember this month we uh sold them to some guy wearing a dress no i didn't buy your dog i gotta go keep an eye on selma she thinks she swallowed a bandit [Music] i was talking to doing a dance called the bump but my hip slipped and my buttocks came into contact with the buttocks of another young man i see i got to go to the can again huh i got the runs hey get away from that leave him alone it said i was gay it's the simpson family smile time variety hour featuring the whalen smithers dancers correct that went licorice whip i said whip it we now have a girl cadet among our ranks so we're gonna have to make a few changes first of all franklin you are no longer the girlies cadet here well we'll see about that mr and mrs simpson there's nothing to be alarmed about public school can be intimidating to a young child particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son bart's gay wrong file well that's the end of the girls floor exercise now let's bring on the man what the hell i hope you understand it was merely a sign of my respect yes yes of course i hate to dance and prance and sing that's really more of a milhouse thing you see me as a god right smithers absolutely sir you'd kneel before me why would i yes this is ridiculous we're already married but marge we're not mass married at least you got to choose your mate we got matched up on the printout hey remember our agreement i'm the man you're the man and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud yes wow you're hanging on his every word are you thinking what i'm thinking i hope so i thought i made myself clear in boston there's something i got to tell you oh no you're gay aren't you no it ain't that what so you're married no no i hey why did you say gay first hmm just put out this form and you're on your way to the reserve there's a question that's crossed out well due to a recent presidential order we're not allowed to ask that particular question are you a homosexual for god's sake don't answer that i could go to jail but i'm not nice fella i wonder if he's gay you'll be swell you'll be great gonna have the whole world on a plate all right all right keep your top on america tried to kill you ah they're not so bad they even named the street after me in san francisco it's full of what hello handsome nice muscles care for a rub down oh well i'm flattered but spoken for oh what the heck give me your number i think i'll call you chirpy boy and you bart jr and you can call me mother no wait that sounds kind of fruity just call me mom i miss basinger those red pumps you were in la confidential were fabulous where can i get a pair for my uh mother she wears a 12 double e it's the mighty robots of battlestar galactica versus the gay robots of star wars stop please save me oh you stupid little [ __ ] you're so boring i hate you my dear boy i'd be happy to show you my resume if you'd care to meet me later in the food court danger danger bart simpson it's kind of here to deliver these copies of jugs they'll keep my men from resorting to homosexuality for about 10 minutes look who's talking yeah i just chewed my way out of a dog carrier oh el don john that's my name well not really someone saved your life tonight cut it out oh well well the [ __ ] is back oh sorry homer we thought you were one of those hot to trot soccer moms yeah you don't see many men driving the f-series see instead of a cigarette lighter it's got a lipstick holder aw crap it's a girl's car i can't drive this oh sure you can dollface pretty thing like you could do whatever she wants i need you to get me out of another jam i picked up this chick last night at least i thought she was a chick showbiz is so fascinating smithers i think i'm in love huh with this sculpture astrid said the key to my art is anger so i'm giving you kids permission to get me mad mom found out her engagement ring is made of rock candy well i'm flunking math and the other day i was a little attracted to milhouse uh homo you're uh making us a little bit uncomfortable he's just doing this for his art right homer oh yeah art now smithers you say you painted all your navy buddies this way until i was discharged sir i need your help i want to be loved i see well i'll need some beer all right let's get this geezer out quick so we can bring in the lesbian gladiators how about this when was your first gay experience when i was six my father took me at a picnic that was a gay old time i ate my share of wieners that day oh that sounds lovely go here queer that didn't go well did it good thing those lesbians knew cpr you know what that fabulous man just did he gave the springfield zoo two male pandas and got them to mate successfully oh it's hopeless there's some uh she-males in gazebo three a nasty looking spider in gazebo six and less said about gazebo h the better we reserve gazebo seven and look geez how many gazebos do you see males need it's time to get homer erotic you gotta squeeze every penny you see this tux i got it cheap cause roy cohn died in it that fancy yacht a bargain cause it smells like cat pee and those beautiful women they used to be men according to the map this house is owned by the dog from frasier and that's where ellen degeneres and anne haysh live we're lesbians what's this just read the label it's a king-sized flamer [Laughter] i know bart can be rambunctious but he's not some hyperactive monster give me an f give me an arc lord he's gotten into the pep closet i'd say he's coming out of the pep closet i heard about a new bar where men dance with men does that sound adorable well sure if it's true jamie kilday farm supply critic just got back from the gopher poison show in paris let me tell you something people the days of clubbing them with the baseball bat are over good babies good good babies work with dazzle she's a lox out there you monster terrence christopher will you show these two to the exit avec plays there wanna dress up like ladies wouldn't that make us kind of fruity scared you might like it i'll show you who's scared this really hides my thighs hello sisters are doing it for themselves where's the storyline oh no it's dad what what's going on and i want a non-gay explanation ah we're drunk really drunk oh thank god that suit's a little revealing isn't it it allows for maximum mobility feels like i'm wearing nothing at all remember what the instructor said if you ever get into trouble all you need to do is feels like i'm wearing nothing at all nothing at all nothing at all oh stupid sexy flander we'll take the cure bag a few lobsters then watch some gay guys get married okay we'll do a different song who cares they all end up sounding the same anyway what a fruit fly oh i would date ned in a second if i was a woman or gay he looks like a cuddler that ned i i like that we need a symbol something that says we're gay and republican a little on the nose don't you think we just came to get our balloon here you go and have a bumper sticker thank you a gay president in 2084. we're realistic but the one hole i've never been able to fix is the one in my soul that was amazing moe i'm actually a little turned on [Music] hey bart any clean towels nah use this i'm sick of having to dry myself with a newspaper [Music] so but only because you haven't outed rod and todd yes i am proud to be america's first straight female president tax hike hold the phone mabel you know i never trusted her don't blame me i voted for chastity bono well i'm off to market marge you're making a complete fool of yours oh it's just barney to stay afloat this bar's gonna have to go queer you mean it's not oh wrong again gay guy to springfield even bart was throwing dough around he paid me and carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other hey did we ever get that money but reckless spending and interracial homoeroticism were just volume 1 of the encyclopedia self-destructica [Music] next week on behind the laughter huckleberry hound i was so gay but i couldn't tell anyone we invented computers leg warmers bendy straws peel any shrimp the glory hole you're so much more fun than smithers why he doesn't know the meaning of the word gay sold separately sometimes i feel like i've been sold separately let's see here x-rated girls already bookmarked dialects for sex mr x hmm shall i cross the final frontier but what about the guy who took my car devon bradley character actor dancer singer i'm a triple threat i'm more worried about ale's jacket how many stations can you get on that thing all right listen i am sick of your jokes about the wardrobe you people can dress yourselves wantingly beautiful isn't it i don't care if you're christy yamaguchi no one leaves the building this stinks we'll miss the itching scratchy where they finally kiss i don't care if they're kissing christy yamaguchi wait a minute was that cat making out with that mouse cause if they were and i was a lot happier before i knew dame edna was a man a lot happier somebody help him relax they got rodeo clowns is my lipstick even go like this point your peepers at bike laps can it you tiresome tot sitter near near two three four and thrust and grab yourself right there 400 a month for loafer lightner but we must have it it is the lifeblood of the industry you get the same results with a mincing gel but of course i will save thousands thank you abracathumbra dang you can be one of them tv magic queers close the door you know i do uh 400 sit-ups a day oh it shows i was gonna say something but i thought it might sound you know weird oh not at all i like when people say nice things about my body oh sir in death we shall be together always ain't that sweet chief sure is lou those two long sherman found love you remind me of me when i was a little boy that's my brother um did she say she used to be a dude [Music] after chernobyl my penis is falling off and penis is rushing for i won't drink and vote cause moe's a big you will find true love on flag day why it's flag day today well it's just you and me here sir no time for joke smithers come along we're going womanizing oh goody perhaps there's some girls in here let's go smithers smithers fantasize marge fantasize about burnley well i can fantasize too you touch me and i catch you homer i'll tell you what i told redford it ain't gonna happen look at your heroic daddy in there making funny faces falling to the floor shedding his hair lying perfectly still well i'm glad to know he died a hero instead of that other way i told him his father was killed in the amazon by a tribe of savage women i hope it didn't affect you in any way we'll never know sir to mississippi dude you're touching my hand empowerment this is the gay pride parade we're here we're queer get used to it you do this every year we are used to it we're gay we're glad but don't tell mom and dad wouldn't it be great if that man and woman got together it's lesbians of the caribbean oh a salute to brunch [Music] everyone here has a six-pack and i'm the only one with a keg oh god cover up that's it we're out of here nookie in new york it's a cable show about four single women who act like gay men everything reminds me of marge [Music] i know what you're going through we're coming up on mount carlmore [Music] i carved that one wonderful summer there's nothing on that helicopter for me don't be so sure ah carl carlson we don't take kindly to transvestite chimpanzees here in kind quarters i'm really gonna miss him oh my dad never even knew how i felt about him sure i said i loved him but never that i was in love with him [Music] has oozo i'll leave you guys alone discus too was talking to you this is your captain speaking the local temperature in rio de janeiro ronaldo you make that joke every time it was that joke that made you fall in love with me take me to the hotel my hands are on a guy's ass boy this dude must work out burt and ernie left it to your imagination your father would have loved this the drunkenness the ambiguous sexuality look at all that pink and purple our money sure is gay this suit used to belong to judy garland uh we could sing a song if you don't mind being mickey rooney oh mr burns you were too beautiful for this world i love you boy ha ha you love a boy and a nostalgia meal for me what's your nostalgia prize grandpa liberace action figure party tonight at roddy mcdowell's hey where's my keg uh mom's not gonna like that who's mom uh that's what we call the gay guy who lives with us for attempted insecticide and aggravated buggery i sentence you to 200 hours of community service we're wasting more energy than the ricky martin's girlfriend hey you ned i'm back give me a kiss now you may try to slobber on your crotch hey i've been around scotsman milk me uh i really don't want to do that ned oh come on homer all i'm asking is for you to yank my teeth and harvest my milk ooh that's nice you're actually quite gentle when you want to be no you're not helping dad what is that well if bart can be alberto if only i had your courage senor remember when i was crying at recess i think i'm finally ready to tell you why let's see what's on tv i miss my toys my video games mutt and jeff comics are not funny they're gay i get it marge you're embarrassing me in front of the drag queen attention teenage boys take your hands off my daughter now kiss each other welcome to the electric car of the future sponsored by the gasoline producers of america i can't go very fast or very far and if you drive me people will think you're gay hey you're early porno movies oh wait are any of these hetero what's there is there let's meet the ladies who are doctors assure us or women the iron maiden i'm off women forever now here's something for the men to dribble over our mascot [Music] ah darn it swish was everything i'm not put the head back on okay we got two of every animal but only males i don't want any hanky-panky hey hey hey cut that out bart you're suing this yes i want to be emancipated emancipated don't you like being a dude we are the seven sisters and you can attend any one of us come to radcliffe and meet harvard man or come to wellesley and marry them no party with me play lacrosse with me or explore with me well see captain looks like you and i are sailing solo tonight are you hitting on me cuz i don't do that on land uh the paparazzi i thought we fooled them with our sharecrow are you aware that your daughter's gay ned i've never met a man like you you're sensitive you're in great shape you have a mustache and yet you're not gay oh no way i won't even eat vegetables over two inches long oh loosen up honey this dress just creates the illusion of nudity well i think freedom roy create a lot of illusions but i doubt their girlfriends dress like that are these indiscretions romantic financial or treasonous russian hooker you tell me we'll see you run a fact-finding mission i did find out one fact she was a guy hello there sailor i'm here and fabulous now i'd like to make a motion grover cleveland sucks what believe that lest we forget oh everyone but me thanks for waking me for the bookmobile terence for dumping that waste you could go to jail and a handsome man like you i'd hate to think what would happen where's mr smithers he's doing 80 years on an opium bust i never saw a man take to a turkish prison so quickly uh homer i think you want your house next door stupid flanders with his misleading silhouette [Music] what a well-kept street and there sure are a lot of gay bookstores for a straight neighborhood hey mr smithers what's the deal with this place it's so manly yet scented i seem to have gotten lost on my way to the uh the big auto uh racing festival so i've never been here before hey wayland who's the bear oh is that the mr burns you're always talking about shut up stuart nice to meet you stuart look we might have a cocktail say where all the guests are mail are you trying to tell me that you guys are those guys that like guys that's right homer we're gay hmm which will win out my old-fashioned prejudices are the fact that i've already mixed my laundry with yours look where'd you buy this from the guy on the exit ramp this is disgusting calm down picky ricardo you made us a great breakfast and you're just riding his butt and not in a good way it's either him or that girl who put mother earth as a reference and with a male roommate we could walk around naked way ahead that will be 100 i see dad took us antiquing yeah and along the way we took photos of interesting doors and gates marge please let's not fight in front of the kids just secretly hate me the way you always have good dad your hands feel so soft you noticed i've been using lancome well i'd better go but before i do marge there's something i want to ask you yes homie how much do you tip a leg waxer i need to know by tomorrow just go and take your stupid lhapso with you so how was your visit home the kids are cool but marge is still judging me i used to look at marge and get the same tingle you guys get when you see rip taylor come on let's stand i didn't think it was possible but watching him makes me more lesbian this isn't my army reunion you're coming home with me yes colonel he's gay he's gay gay gay bi gay gay for pay gay tennessee williams practically everyone who's acted in produced or even cena play is gay i love you as a blonde oh you do oh god lisa if i was an eight-year-old straight boy i swear to god i'd be so holding your hand right now i've learned a lot living here it doesn't matter what someone's sexual preferences are unless they're a celebrity in which case it's dish dish dish sorry i'm late the velvet mafia made me a margarita i couldn't refuse i tried to save our marriage and you just get drunk and spend the whole night with your homosexual boyfriends driven lovejoy mrs lovejoy principal skinner duffman oh homer a guy as cool and special as you will have no trouble believe me [Music] i never realized you felt about me that way we should really take some time to talk and i just end up hurting you here's a role model for you boy rin tin tin he was brave on and off the screen he was the first openly gay dog in hollywood why don't you take public transportation public transportation is for jerks and lesbians how could you both miss the bus to school we touched hands and then we had to wash the cooties off that is so gay there are some supervised activities we can all do together the 5-h club 5-h they had to emit homosexuals hmm you look like a healthy specimen well i did finish first in the walk for the cure of homosexuality all right let's check it out but if you're wrong you and lou have to kiss each other hey chief i check with the union you can only do that once oh i can't beat nelson why don't you start a rumor that he's ding-a-ling-a-ling hello what a delicious quiche i drive a pink miata i can't believe nelson is more popular than me my name is nelson i use a salad fork laddie duh i washed my face where did you get that tutu clothesline you look so successful like you're the wife of a businessman i wish i'd married a businessman then i'd have nice things oh smithers guide me in my pleasure sir you can't bet on my kids this is america pal we'll find more wagers i love you lord daft wager yes now we aren't as well behaved as our goody two shoes brother canada who by the way has never had a girlfriend i'm just saying you did the right thing hiding and crying yeah we'd rather have a live [ __ ] mincing around the house than some dead hero any day are you jealous of brother homer yeah maybe just a tad todd i'm jealous of girls cause they get to wear dresses one problem at a time boy malibu's daisy wants a craft room and malibu ken needs a closet for all his beach songs they'll get help from designer jeremy on doll house do-overs i'm lindsay nagel and i am the founder of saskatta gap singles seniors childless couples and teens and gays against parasitic parents you listen to what i say your body has known the cleansing touch of soap prithee tell me thou art not a sodomite nope not even a gamorian get out of my stream send it to my wife i could have married the king of france he wasn't so preoccupied with procreation know what i mean how i do i double down henry is the ginchiest the lord is my shirt you didn't dump me i dumped you i told you i was a dude bart i gotta say something and it's not easy let's just say well i don't care what people think of me anymore you mean up until now you did care then why did you wear that tutu to school last week what about all the times i didn't wear a tutu nobody ever brings those up i'd like to hippity-hop on your balance beam i don't think you understand the mechanics of heterosexual sex well circle gets the square hey i know you we met in a police lineup oh yeah yeah you know number two and number four are an item now you don't have to tell me i was number three yeah well you're gay people who accuse others of being gay are often covering up their own latent homosexuality [Music] if you dance on the grounds that i want inseminate myself dudes i think this guy's coming on to me yeah a couple of these and your first mate turns into reese witherspoon he drove her to it you know she was only doing it for the appliances he's a she she's a hate they're both both no hands off my fiancee wide ride why are you dressed like catwoman you oh they told me it was cat man well at least i went down like a man you look like a malaysian transsexual let's go meet some senoritas grandpa i must confess i am not as interested in women as my open shirt might suggest now let us enjoy one of your rambling disjointed yet somehow erotic tales are you gonna go lavender on me we shall see ya for many years i was a tater farmer but the shameful truth is the taters farmed me your neck skin dances when you speak hope you like the taste of ringworm medicine [Music] ew i kissed that sad weird kid my first kiss how could you dad because he's the kind who kisses and leaves you mr burns is gone and tonight was the night i was gonna show him my tattoo mr burns perhaps it's best you were snatched away before time could diminish your beauty i don't have a friend in the world you have me sir don't be so needy that's all right mr simpson many husbands feel emasculated when their wife must turn to a professional to satisfy her remodeling needs why don't you just kiss her i'm gay no no the body on this mannequin is all wrong leaning down the thighs lining down the thighs i make four bucks an hour planing down the thighs plus your schoolyard chums martin and ralph bart's my bestest boyfriend if you're feeling depressed do what i do and write something a novel a play or i could write something that's not gay child-like humanoid urban muchacho or chum don't hold my hand it's creepy anything to declare i declare that you have the most beautiful brown eyes why i do believe you're smuggling a heart as big as all outdoors did he have a passport yes to my heart but before i die there are words i've always longed to say sir i uh only my sour curdled breath will quicken him from now on you guys are just gonna have to do your drinking across the street with eddie murphy as the jack of clubs you don't understand officer i thought that king was a queen if cain and abel were adam and eve's only children how did they make more babies did they make babies with their mother or with each other why don't we legalize same-sex marriage we can attract a growing segment of the marriage market and strike a blow for civil rights yeah them gay guys got lots of disposable income we'll legalize gay money i mean a gay marriage i propose we also legalize gay funerals starting with this guy i'm not gay i'm nothing yet springfield a place where everyone can marry even dudes while i have no opinion for or against your sinful lifestyles go back to working behind the scenes in every facet of entertainment as long as two people love each other i don't think god cares whether they both have the same hoo-hoo or ha ha the bible forbids same-sex relations [Applause] his church is giving up hot gobs of gay green he could get 200 bucks a couple these people have rights the right to buy me a 62-inch tv and do you julio take thad to be your lawful wedded life partner in massachusetts and vermont stay out of texas as long as you both are gay i do okay what's next adam and steve are madam and eve homie you married every gay couple in town hmm where's lenny and carl don't you push them they've got to work that out for themselves what about people of the opposite sex who want to get married what's that thing called when a guy is gay for a girl straight oh look at me i'm as straight as a one dollar bill ladies have we started down a slippery slope where anyone could marry anything not anything it has to exist or does it if you love the bible so much why don't you marry it in fact i now pronounce you in the bible man and wife and you're the wife i'm getting married and i need you to perform this ceremony who's the lucky man her name's veronica but veronica's a girl's name did you know that i'm gay you're not disappointed are you oh no no i'm just surprised here's another bomb i like beer [Laughter] so patty you're a woman who likes women i guess that fear i always had of you stealing homer away is unfounded did you really think i was straight this isn't a problem for you is it oh no why would it be i love you i love gay marriage i'd be a super hypocrite if i didn't love your gay marriage right your aunt is marrying a very lucky woman i thought you said aunt patty was just waiting for the right man this is my fiancee veronica so veronica what do you do i'm a pro golfer no surprises there aunt patty where did you two meet alternative bookstore ethiopian restaurant i was at the lpga ritzpit celebrity pro-am lady golfers i thought we played this stupid game to get away from the women hey clown watch out for this lady driver are you all right never better save something for your wedding night we're saving everything for our wedding night that's what mom would want i don't think it's exactly what mom would want are you sure you're okay with this everyone should do whatever they want take a bear to church change your name to google club if you can find it in your heart to accept me for who i am i would love to see you at the ceremony if not i'll see you at homer's funeral what am i not invited to this time gay wedding is there an open bar no well i say this whole thing is against nature we'll always be there for each other i don't know about marge though if she doesn't show up today i have no non-identical sister oh lord please help me say the right words this afternoon as i consecrate another gay union that angers you so you handsome devil someday to let you and me get married can you imagine the oh i children you homer oh i love you too homer oh [Music] dude looks like the lady looks like patty's gonna get something she didn't register for clearly beloved we're here to join veronica and patty in matrimony you are the perfect woman for me at last i have found the yin to my yin no i can't let this happen you think everyone in the world should have a big dumb man like you veronica is a man how could you long before we met i disguised myself as a woman and lied my way onto the lpga tour but now i'm asking you not as veronica but as the man i am leslie robin swisher will you marry the real me hell no i like girls thank you for accepting me for who i am just because you're a lesbian it doesn't make you less of a being temptation [Music] let's see there's equus starring sideshow mel the three dollar bills and gay gay gay smithers if i didn't arrest you that night in the park i'm not gonna arrest you now this prison will make abu ghraib look like the four seasons smithers will need electrical wire a hood and someone who can really point a genitalia done and done sir yeah well you love mole man no you do you're gay from old man you're gay for mole man no one's gay for mole man is that robot break dancing no he activated a self-destruct mechanism sir you knew i was on a date mr smithers i thought you were you know no i'm straight as long as i take these injections every 10 minutes i love boobies all we need is an awesome theme song whatever place next on the jukebox next song uh yeah that's what i meant yeah absolutely ray's not gonna like that you're not married to ray well if i was we'd have taller kids happy it's not my birthday seymour you know i'm a sagittarius really i'm a libra there's a lot of compatibility there the skinner be gay on your own time when a man loves a woman which one of you the man of the woman questioning the kid's sexuality well done [Music] oh why did i choose to be gay instead of video games they have weird free newspapers mom am i a butch or a femme honey you can be anything you want to be hmm katja do you think anyone's watching if they are they will see us explore our sex with without restraints two girls who would want that he's right can we all get together and concentrate on our real enemies monogamous gaze and stem cells you can shoot your gay adult film at my house i didn't say anything about gay i thought you guys were the gay mafia ow oh i see heaven [Applause] [Music] i'm telling you i'm oberon king of the fairies please change me back this bumblebee has developed an unhealthy obsession with me i don't want flowers i am a flower man i have a sugar-free ginger ale gold darn it son what the hell kind of [ __ ] are you hey are you calling my life partner or [ __ ] what are you gonna do with that teapot get out i'll answer for you yes i got your child's large because your tummy's getting kind of bloopy from all the cakes we've been having somebody here likes princess cakes hey princess cake want some princess cake [Laughter] are you having a fight with your boyfriends [Music] we were carpooling and that's it this is my bride francesca i always thought you were you know out loud and proud well i experimented in college as one does yeah i never went to college stop the presses can i be the phantom of the opera dad the phantom isn't in this but i do a great impression of him um i am the gayest super villain ever beware my scented candles even burns was starting to look good to me hey sailor my eyes are up here [Music] you backstabber and i let you spoon me well dad we may not always get along but we'll never be that lame i bet they're from massachusetts you know it's legal there for a guy to marry his son i'll take all your estrogen that's a female replacement hormone it's for a friend uh who's trapped in the body of another friend i miss you dad hey homer you want to eat my shorts this is very emotional for me i will return in the fall as mr pummelhorst your new shop teacher looks like there'll be some new wood in shop glass precisely the type of wordplay i seek to discourage new wood the hamburglar was survived by his longtime companion mayor mccheese hurry let's climb down okay but don't let our hands touch it's gay what's gay mean it means you used to be afraid but now you're not daddy i'm gay mrs simpson made me gay i believe he's saying he's okay guys i'm trying to watch this hey i'm sorry what got into her her kid's fruitier than carmen miranda's hat rack remember her but do not call me late when there are scones about oh little british humor i bet the twist is he's gay i'm leaving you you snooze you lose you're leaving me for him cousin it there was born a woman what brought us together is how much we hate you yeah well i'm gonna vote no i'm 38 so you can't adopt oh kidding kidding i don't vote now if you'll excuse me i gotta go tell my gay grandson i still love him can we talk about this arranged marriage of mine bear i thought you guys didn't drink on the gay flower stop calling it that but first who's gonna help me pee they're looking at me cause i have the key to the stocks and because of a drawing of myself having romantic congress with a merman at least i'm not gay for skeleton kearney our ribs got tangled 75 years ago that's not gay right you keep believing that you're a worse version of hitler please believe me i i understand the problems of women see the principle's a [ __ ] this rocks no more stupid girl classes like ballroom dancing that's still mandatory for everybody willie [Music] now this is why i got into education [Music] there you're the perfect little he she you just want somebody to say i love you i love you too nelson i love you jimbo hey every joke has a kernel of truth do you really think women are mentally inferior honey you're just as smart as a man sometimes when i'm with you i feel like i'm doing it with a dude i know what you're thinking but don't worry i'm old enough to date term abrasion i think he's a male gay i just think the best thing a person can do for the world is to be clean and polite wow oh no he's marge's and my dream man darwin was one of the greatest mind of all time then why is he making out with satan i was a center fielder for the springfield floozies the pay wasn't much but it kept me out of the war for a year get him he could threaten my record for lady triples [Music] suck that face remember when we used to kiss like that carl with our respective girlfriends yeah i wonder where jill and kelly are now i heard y'all died kelly i think is a prostitute papa i want to be a chef [Laughter] a chef huh hey look what we got here it's chef boyar gay then you won't be married to a man you'll be married to some kind of gay jellyfish floating outside the florida keys cruising for rich snorkelers you don't want that yo i don't know what i dig more hip-hop crunk or serving my country are you guys hitting on us ordinarily i would spend the next two hours questioning your sexuality running down your hometowns and telling you to drop and give me various numbers i like rubbing people's feet corns and bunions are a treat i can give massager you will if you know why i don't ask don't tell oh moe's a poet he has a soul flutter your wings it's tea time and buttercup junction seriously moe i think you have a gift thanks homer i love you man ooh you love a man lisa if you could just forgive me you would make me the happiest man in vermont uh except for those two dudes i saw getting hitched not my thing but i wish him well i don't know where carl ends and i begin see statements like that are why people think we're gay he's right individually we are weak like a single twig but as a bundle we form a mighty [ __ ] man lips shut up i'm just giving him cpr the kiss of life i'll never forget that week we were best friends [Music] i touched your heart don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly in the luts that's a common misconception i have a girlfriend in vancouver made up girlfriend made up city picking out a gift for a very dear friend of mine a single fellow bit quiet but one with a warm loyal heart fella like that might have had his eye on this silver frame it would go great with his collection of art deco shut up shut up there he is hello phillip are you going to that string quartet thing cause i'm not are you still here go pay for that by the time he pays the debt he'll be as old and as queer as i am queer strange or queer gay got you both good morning dinguses what are you doing touching each other's butts the diddler oh sugar and spice and poison lenny i'm not a villain i'm a transvestite explain that to your maker [Music] i'll take it from here bart man mr burns help me why you're not helping me but sir i'm flaming so how many brides will you be marrying today mr simpson just one what are you gay take my picture oh crap my first kiss you could do it at worst my friend well you drink too many scorpion ball you go sleepy sleepy now did you get his wallet every president has a word balloon that says i am gay do you have your disguise now let's prepare our mental images so we can kiss each other without barfing [Music] check out what's happening behind your restaged anniversary dinner duffman's on a date with boobarella he's supposed to be in a stable long-term gay relationship brave sir knight what is it lady milhouse i'm not a lady it's a spell a spell you said you'd reverse oh come on sir how does it feel knowing that no one is coming to save you well not as bad as knowing that somewhere gays are marrying each other that's the real emergency kent once again crisis has brought out the best in us 60 minutes morley safer has questionable pants fold the l word used the l word i'm sorry marge but i won't live under the same roof as a member of the liberal media you'll have to excuse him he's been watching a lot of fox news did you know that every day mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain dead ladies dinner with mr burns what a waste of my precious precious saturday night hey dad have fun with your boyfriend she is not my boyfriend what we have to do is figure a way to make bowling alley homer into every day homer i have an aunt who became an uncle you said it like that i want you to stop flirting with women may i say i thoroughly enjoyed your performance and may i say i'm enjoying the calm waters of your deep blue eyes oh well wow what that's how guys talk rule number two always keep your hook pointed out what happens if i point it this way oh hello hello hello captain hook oh spoiled sports oh you're no fun and if elected president of our small community i will determine once and for all how far we can go without being gay this is a robbery not a separate robbery we're together you mean like a couple no yes we're being robbed by johnny and [Laughter] that clyde so hot i love watching you do other guys i'd like to see you to a guy sometime oh this guy's a total norbert norbert i wish my name is gaylord q tinkledink oh man ellie's even more popular he's troubled but i can save him oh for crying out loud i've already radioed for a rescue boat sailed by brave danish sailors more like swishy danish sailors you're going down when is straightening gonna pop the question oh you're all getting german cuckoo clocks you're getting a cookie clock and you're getting a cuckoo clock and you're getting a cuckoo claw and you're getting a cuckoo clock welcome back i have some big big news my boyfriend straightman just proposed that we go on separate vacations again this year dad you just destroyed your first kiss who was it with uh a poo right sir do you have a preference yeah i like girls froot loop former governor vincent aleppo said in the new york times i will protect the nation from attack he's got my vote in that same issue of the new york times they also printed an article about terrorist leader nusaf al mustafi oh god what have i done oh my god they're going steady so if we nominate these rav wiggums we will be like an unstoppable choo-choo i already got my assless sparkle tucks cleaned for the inauguration i agree with my ex-husband i don't know how we will blow it but we will because that's what the democratic party is all about uh i wasn't trying to steal your watch i i i was just coming on to you okay let's go back to my place oh boy v is fairy fairy extraordinary now uh how about you and me sniff each other's butts i'm just kidding unless you want to a phone it could be one of the major homos you're one of the major forget it i spent an hour fashioning an escape raft and three days crafting this modesty skirt [Music] have you ever wondered what i do in that locked room gay out if you don't give me those cookies i'll pass a law forcing your organization to accept gay scout leaders i would strongly support that measure just give me those cookies these badges will get us into any of the independent movies playing at sundance oh regularsville the inverted double struck penny or kissing lincoln's one on the left looks into it but the one on the right is just experimenting after 20 years i am finally starting to like you just wait for dessert sir i made it with you in mind i'll just shut my eyes and let you place it before me seymour what's going on quick we'll have to eat from each end we'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle marge do we have any more of your extra-long twinkies those were for mr smithers commitment ceremony [Music] yeah is there a mister my friends are gay first name olaf or if my friends are gay if i ever get a hold of you i will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor this must be my half brother and half sister they're beautiful i mean just the girl i didn't notice the beautiful boy snooze freeway melody it's the springfield wedding chapel's annual president's day marriage-a-thon that ad implies that mr lincoln and i are betraying familiarities it's an outrage ah yes uh an outrage is your life up here oh well uh we have an understanding you are such a stupid [ __ ] it makes people want to punch you the grand pumpkin super gay punch punch punch punch wedgie homer it's your old roommate grady the gay guy that's not all i am well it's a lot of what i am i heard how good you are at breaking up couples i need your help to break up with julio cause i met someone new someone much more cool and refreshing i'm going to a hardcore gay club and i won't be home till three in the morning have fun thanks for your help bart bart san francisco people mover speaking of san francisco people mover brady is breaking up with me you'll always have a special place in his heart it is what oh baby you are the breakup king you have made the seven minutes that i'm gonna go without love so much more bearable anyone else want me to get rid of that special someone okay everyone rotate one to your right and i've invested it all in microsoft now my boyfriend bill gates and i kiss each other on a pile of your money i'm gonna punch you extra hard cause i secretly think you're cute everyone's different jimbo you're christian dolph you're jewish and kearney your family's in that cold most started my mom's doing the savior i mean the one true mo you're the one true moe [Laughter] dare annault can i appeal yeah appeal to other guys captain wuss but how are we supposed to combine the dna of two strains of the same species you and me no the bees oh yeah yeah that's what i meant too i have no inclination oh go queens helvetica and valedictoria we're so glad you're finally here [Music] who's that side of beef munching on our sister i don't know but in this reality i am not gay hubba hubba oh my god oh my god we're totally liable oh yeah i mean no i was once a boy and like all boys you like all boys how about a family outing i'll start lisa's gay right because i wouldn't want me gay like my heroes billie jean king susan sontag and i suspect peppermint patty come on man that's the fifth call you missed today that's it your honor what can't people do in modern that is ireland liberal when it comes to romance i remember when she was helen schwartzbound in fact i remember when she was harold schwartzbaum you know what i've said too much this one's a little gay isn't it well the last time i checked pirates weren't gay yeah how'd you check there are no blue roses i want to talk to howard howard died 10 years ago well did he take all the blue roses with him my father was a lovely man he took very good care of my mother and me now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman i i want to be shorter for a woman uh-oh i mixed you up with the last guy ah i look nothing like julie newmar king julio of spain hello queenie baby forget it i've seen you making google eyes on my court jester guards take him away and put things inside of him nice things no not nice things don't you know that i love you i've always loved you which one of us are you talking to i'm not sure both neither what difference does it make um smells like the sun lawrence olivier and john gilgard always wanted but never had but oh how they tried oh the fountainhead mom isn't that book the bible of right-wing losers yeah but the guy on the book jacket is one sexy slice of beefcake [Music] give me one night dewey i'll get you off broadway never marge i've got some bad news to give you it's a letter from homer on my stationary in my handwriting using my idioms and speech patterns dear midge you probably hate me by now the reason i left you is simple i'm gay read on it gets gayer well turning gay the other day a thought occurred to me i'd like to try most every guy from here to timbukti oh there's so many men around the world of every shape and size i want to nibble on jamaican jerks and teriyaki thighs i want a french kiss a frenchman and spoon in english dupe cause frankly deer to not be queer just makes me wanna puke we thought you were gonna die then uncle kevin would have to raise us with his funny friend david oh i'd put rocks into your pockets and walked out to sea before that happened yeah drop your fire sticks man possum oh so uh so i guess this means you hillbillies are gonna have your way with me huh you know one hillbilly has his way with one fat guy in deliverance and suddenly people think that's all hillbilly do no i i thought we had a connection here and then we're out in the woods and everything and hey forget it i i ain't going to beg for it yeah you'll never know what you missed out on you know you could try our film vault huh we have a film vault it's where we hooked up during the christmas party oh here he can rub shoulders with fellow businessmen and share their deadly germs these two men might as well be kissing then again there's only one way to get a truly accurate reading bart pants just close your eyes and think of milhouse recreate the incident in question hey willy does he taste like failure stop that laughter i can make these two kiss all day if i have to if you want them to keep on kissing just keep laughing [Music] and because i know you like your loafers light i want to give something back use that image any way you want to mr smithers [Applause] i will suck out your evil [Music] and now your evil is gone i'm afraid that was just my pre-evil [Music] i'll do the firing around here mr burns you're even more beautiful than i remembered eat fix-a-flats oh that was a tire iron poking me in the back oh that clears up a lot that's not sesame street that's a gay bar although i guess this would teach her sharing and caring i've tattled this town into a paradise this used to be just a little part of me is that a loose threat on your collar all the good men are either gay or have no face what was the greatest xfl team that never won a championship uh the long island iced teas i think you want the gay bar across the street friday morning andrew lloyd webber and elaine stritch helped us make wallets friday evening we performed angels in america a gay fantasia on national themes part one millennium approaches what's the matter marge just remembered your husband's not a doctor oh my god you're so burnt well done marge if you're looking for a baghag i'm your man but stay on my good side girlfriend oh oh my wizard of oz spike fell apart in the middle of the pride parade what kind of pride never you mind what kind fix my bike whoa she's everything i want to be colonel ketchup i say it was you that killed him in the parlor with a letter opener he was going to leave me and i'm too old to find anyone else we're here to come up with the next phony baloney crisis to put americans back where they belong and dark rooms glued to their televisions too terrified to skip the commercials new boss huh what's he like a lot like my old boss ruthless went to yale made a fortune in energy he likes to stack men naked i guess that's a start a carrier pigeon do a ballet dance without no clothes on good advice i'll catch up with you guys later to heterosexual male friendship the kind the greeks wrote about i remember why i left this group seven years ago and it's why i'm leaving now well since she's gone i can hear you how could you leave me out of your will i'm your right-hand man your guy friday smithers you are the campiest of my age to camp but i'm afraid my true admiration is reserved for the self-made man here's a place i can feel wanted you with the six-pack you're in you're with the ben affleck chin and the mad team and everything else guess what you're in in in in uh in your dreams with the bud scott and the bow tie this is a nightclub not a john f kennedy cabinet meeting frankly i'm surprised you're not across the street where they drink for fun what if i helped you turn this bar into a hangout for guys like me uh-huh just so it's clear what i'm proposing the men i'm talking about are man i'm in parties i just ain't comfortable hanging around all night with uh you know watch them call it uh swish kebabs hey moe turmoil for me and my buddy that's it we are changing this place up after this ain't no turning back sorry hobbits it's back to the shire for you slam gentlemen there is no need to head home so soon isn't that the place where all those rats committed suicide oh it's totally different now and it welcomes men with a few extra pounds or a little less hair what about super hairy wonder woman thank you for humoring me what would you gentlemen like i mean i know what you'd like and hey why wouldn't you like it oh ain't being comfortable with something weird the best hey something's different about moe's there's no chicks here there's never any chicks here somehow there's more no chicks here than usual what's that guy doing in a men's room he's washing his hands i'm never gonna get that image out of my head i met my soul mate at a local tavern there he is oh i'm not the soul mate i'm dating one of your mothers i i forget whose tick tock dewey tanglewood beckons coming dewey we're both named dewey this is the first time i've ever been at moe's without that little voice in the back of my head saying this is not a safe place to drink i'm not comic book guy i am his cousin comic book gay but you do like comic books certain kinds and about that voice what's wrong with your voice steve is that you i'm gonna knock you inside out doctor already did tomorrow's gay day at krustyland want to come do these guys think you're one of them why would they think that oh i love you neil patrick hairless what i wanted to say was uh everybody vogue i didn't know you were a geezer pleaser having a lemon party oh i call for squeeze you want to go to a grease sing-along tonight i got a long overdue manscaping but have fun cause you're the one that i want no have you been telling the man here that you're one of them it's the bartender's job to agree with the customer now enough chit-chat i got to put up this painting tom of shelbyville the city won't let us march in the springfield founders parade we're sick of being second-class citizens things will never change until one of us is on the town council mo should run he's the heart of this town's gay community will you become springfield's first openly gay city councilman if you guys can manage to go into the voting booth one at a time then i can manage to win you're not gay don't worry i'll let them down easy in four years yes your queen is back my name is both zizlak and i'm here to elect me but mo how can you be their leader when you're not one of them oh i am one of them i i only read hustler to see the pictures of larry flint do you find me attractive like all gays i'm attracted to all men most insidious stereotype ever you're cute you want to go out later whoever said that yes then kiss me moe [Music] okay uh prepare to be kissed i'm sorry everyone i ain't gay how could you lie about who you are when who we are is all we are at first i was only gay for your money but then i i felt accepted by you in a way that i'd never been before i just wish you people could know what it's like to want acceptance so who you gonna vote for me or a republican whose record is so anti-gay he's clearly secretly super gay i'm very sorry i i had to do what i thought was right as long as i got nothing to lose not bad like frisbee golf i'm glad i tried it once rebecca you briefly inspired the hairstyle called the lizzy is the lizzy with us here tonight i was clear with your people that i would not recreate the lizzie i shouldn't judge my prom date just because he's in a wheelchair i should judge him by who he is in here ew i slept with everyone in the cast including the dog to quote matthew perry from friends too much information you know i love our valentine's day tradition of going out with each other's sisters is there anything better than my best friend's face on a girl body not that i can think of nothing better so after dinner i cut his hair and he readjusted my mortgage that's what he does and how was your valentine's day [Music] that's just sick my wife has betrayed me with another hairdresser oh another hairdresser who is it we must know no no no no no no julio is my little secret julio that's right ladies and i never heard a complaint i didn't sympathetically cluck to that's how i roll no why we never goodbye cruel world i'm alive and you're my naked fairy god boy jeez i hope no one heard you say that to this naked fairy god boy i present the key to the city no do us a favor and lower your pants for the picture yeah give me a kiss neddy boy that's right kiss all the men that have ever made their way to edna's adventurous tongue i shall be discreet in my tweets but brutal in my blog [Music] experiment the good lord is telling me to confess to something and a modest sense of pride in our [Music] community [Music] look what they're doing to our dome every part of this world is alive apologize to sister rock stupid stupid now you're having sex with uncle tree and now let us touch testicles and mate for life don't you mean tentacles i know what i said fly orb and find thy hoop why did you get us diversity kittens on melting pot mountain it's more fun to play with a ball of yarn if it has all the colors and yarn should be allowed to marry dental floss my job is my wife loneliness my mistress despair my sex buddy angst is a chick i met online but then it turned out it was really a guy i'm going to bed annie is what we need to discuss she's out of control she called the network vice president unhip and he reads gq and he's straight and now patty and son are here to help us decorate with their new love bots make me a bloody mary doll face i am leaving with your sister's concu droid ignore ignore ooh martin prince is now marsha princess not to mention our liberal straw man all the plain and simple factions i'd love to raise your taxes and make your children gay is it a little weird how about she cries no way when a guy who loves america cries it makes him super straight i just got invited to make out with sauna see that went out to 200 guys oh and seven girls oh come on wonder twin uh pull we are jerks you and i should spray some of my jerk off on you hey it's okay let's go smithers getting a little clingy aren't we no all right that's all it took i just had to ask i'm just an illusion caused by the concussion you suffered at the plant can i put my hand through you if you want come on really show a little class ready to go home nat i'm sorry honey but i'm stuck in this meeting of the springfield lgbt the left gifted by dexterous and transhanded community our scissors ourselves how about death to righties we have to live among them sorry i i'm still a pre-op transgender i'm afraid hand-holding isn't going to cheer me up well maybe this will homer wow wow this is like the night hillary won the new hampshire primary well without them around you and i can walk through the city holding hands just like the men thought to tell me high priest are you interested in women what priest isn't three-way hmm you me and marge demon demon you uh i guess it's one of those things a dad has to do now before we start what's the safe word cinnamon ooh i like that now i'd like to try something new if you don't mind ah cinnamon cinnamon cinnamon cinnamon that's ted's cologne i always thought it was his old man stink when i knew him it was young man musk man you're making me hot for my dad so you're saying you'd rather do the prettiest dude in the world than the ugliest broad absolutely but how do we get here from discussing aristotle's poetics uh-oh he's got his own chimp teeny's a girl oh wait he's just the bottom remember our old neighbor miss viola well she moved to the country where there was no limit on how many pets one single lady could own gosh miss viola i want you and your husband to know how much i appreciate this dad how are we supposed to spend the rest of our lives here we're already bored write down which celebrities were rumored to be gay for future generations sometimes why the story of a vowel that goes both worlds i am so sorry but we just adopted a baby give me back my pants i've got to get back to my unit someone's cranky brother boas full of hand mirrors makeup and baby oil property of abraham j simpson why would my man dad have lady stuff look at all these fitness publications i think your dad might be gay my dad was married to a woman who left him because he ignored her needs for decades oh my gay dad is gay for days all gay men are adorable like wrinkled dogs in a wrinkle dog calendar he probably doesn't know how tolerance society's become they even had a gay float in the pride parade last year are you sure you're not just doing all this because it's cool to be accepting of a gay family member that's just silly this'll show hell and lovejoy always bragging about her transgender cousin and it's okay dad we know the truth and we love you the contents of that locker are my private business just admit who you are and you can find new love if you don't want to die alone come out of your room hi marge i was just taking stan lorena to get her hormone shots oh your father wasted his whole life being married to your mother and haven't you we've got to find him a boyfriend before it's too late wonderful older man seeks life partner before rapidly encroaching death if i can't find my father a man to kiss and cuddle then i've failed as a son are you wrinkled and romantic what the heck are you talking about spectacles oh i've been hung up on someone for years but i'm trapped in the friend zone don't you want to be happy abe admit who you are a wonderful gay man all right sideshadow i'm straight as a submarine and how do you explain this oh hello smithers fancy seeing you in casual encounter park you're glamorous godfrey glamorous godfrey was the most famous wrestler in the world fine i watched glamorous godfrey oh oh i so wanted him to be gay oh no not surfing murph punch me come on homer i'm insisting on a fisting what's this about a fisting there's no need to leave you showed up before the students that's all we ask you two are the worst dressed gay men i've ever met a man who claims to be a hero but is nothing more than a fraud with a cute little bod sheriff andy took barney in his arms and kissed him deeply then said now if aunt b asks we were down at the fishing hall i can't be the only one who likes this hmm yeah i have a swim lesson with a gorgeous lifeguard what gender you're not allowed to ask i've learned something about the people of iceland you've been dirt barbarian invasions total financial collapse and a lesbian prime minister i just want you to know when i'm holding marge in my arms tonight i'll be thinking of all of you i want this campaign to be about the issues same-sex field trip buddies providing class pets with a path to citizenship we want you to know i have decided to move in to the basement under his store at last we'll be in the same bed just like batman and robin hmm bart when i pushed you away i was really pushing away the thought of losing you how long did it take you to think that up two hours with a therapist we took the pledge we won't have sex until we're married to each other their skipping lessons are really paying off we're safe i'm gonna kiss the ground you're gay for the ground well you're gay for homophobia wow you just made me gay for tolerance the only real question to ask about art whether it's in the roof or on a freshman's wall at cal state fullerton is did it move you get a room i shared beds with men all the time it was a common practice you common practice what's his problem [Music] i don't think this guy likes girls big deal i don't like girls either not like that when i got watched it was smitters i said about mr largo how does there is danny k what everyone knows [Music] now that's what i call a modern family [Music] sir are you done with my bird mask oh i don't think you want to wear it now i'll be the judge of that [Music] that's the only thing you want changed everything else about him is perfect yes ugh where were you and i was straight what if you don't get the deal i just have to sell everything and move to the south pacific with you and with your omelette would you like the fried potatoes or the mixed berries i'll have the berries sir that's homer simpson you forget that he's the most [Music] incompetent how about here sir looks good to me i'm so sorry i pretended not to be gay for all those years hmm better an old queen than never a queen at all oh asphadel your corpse bride is getting cold one second belladonna helen i found that uh these new personas have been quite liberating was that a woman's voice send her in jesus you're riding the girliest bike in the world oh i stand corrected check out this gift bag full-size candy bars hummingbird and a plastic bag a cd of the gay men's chorus of springfield singing happy birthday milhouse make a wish roddy i'll never grow up and marry daddy you can kiss me oh that felt so good now you know what nuzzling me would be like now not so good you guys were so young when you met she was your first girlfriend i've dated more girls than you it's my chance to show boobs live by fantasy so tonight we're going way way do we get to wear those paper gowns it's a dress that boys can wear anyone ever tell you you're beautiful when you're sleuthing milhouse did the hardy boys ever hit on nancy drew frank did but joe let's just say there's a mystery about him what are you tittering at are you playing that grinder game again in fact to be supportive i'll drive bart to school are you just trying to see how cute the teacher is or how handsome he is marge not a heat right boy no even my dad came back for this it's because i am so troubled ma'am i need a firm but pretty hand oh would you like martin prince to tutor you no jayson wonder at america's debt we loved you officer puff and stuff mr burns coming down i i thought we weren't gonna make it and i thought i'd never get to say something i've always wanted to i'm in love with the sound of your own voice yes well don't take this the wrong way but you mean nothing to me i'll see you back at the office don't be late waiting for u-234 can't you see the fire burning in my core have you ever felt down much worse than a meltdown my heart is covered in burns routine maintenance we never do that lots of us never get to do things yeah we know we heard your song ah he's chewing our ass cause he's unhappy i know the answer we have got to get that guy a woman a woman who can find him a man i'm gonna find him a boyfriend on this homer i'm a long-haul trucker who's home straight and highway gay how do you know about grindr my wife put me onto it i was looking for an app for pepper grinders and i found this hey why am i on this well only one way to find out swipe did somebody here swipe me here's five bucks visit my dad say or me finally i'm paid to act oh mr smithers come in come in come in can i get you a tom collins hello tom collins i see what's going on here fix up your boss so he won't be so hard on you mr collins would you be charmed by horror stories of working with bill shatner uh who i like you already simpson i'm stealing your bartender take the next couple days off three-day bender are there any gay themed songs about celebrating smithers where have you been i'm afraid i have other plans in fact what i'm going to do is quit no one quits me one more button you're forgetting who installed this system [Music] what are you doing sorry i used to do that for mr burns way long just what did you see in him you're right totally i'm here for you listen i'm making a trip to cuba okay come with me to havana i've done it i'm happy i'm in a new world and completely forgotten about what the buzzard of death i'm sorry sir to address me like i am him everything reminds you of him waylon i am a man who needs a hundred percent commitment okay okay well maybe not a hundred but at least like 20. i'm afraid not believe this mask i am crying it's all here everything it'll take to get him back you really care about me don't you maybe a little still there's one thing i've never given you i kept it bottled up inside all these years your performance review ah it's excellent amazingly that's enough thank you sir mr smithers why do you guys do such stupid things when it comes to dames let me tell you about dames milhouse i know nothing about them but as for love what keeps you going is the thrill of the chase the possibility that one day you might get what you want even though the reality is you probably never will hey you're not nathan lane have you been claimed yet by one of the book clubs yeah we read a little dig a little read a little dig a little kiss a little dig a little do your job homer bart you're my son there's no neck tattoo so crass no gender reassignment too ambiguous that i would not love you but this retainer is a d-lamer as it turns this grill from blah to bling now that's a milhouse-eyed mary no no we're two men hugging this is no sight for the streets of miami we've made our choices and the world doesn't understand them but we do oh wayla now i can see why so many women in movies have gay friends like princess leia and c-3po oh my god i want to kiss him oh my god she wants to kiss me i'm a married woman she would look good with a mustache smithers marge is getting her emotional needs fulfilled by another man and now she needs me for nothing but sex i'm the luckiest husband in the world that better be a monkey's tail i'm feeling gyms have no tails chimps have no tails wow simpson something is very different about you i am sexually frustrated tell me about it smithers want a cracker got to get a better lawyer oh those fingers willie skinner oh good boy i have a friend oh maybe more than a friend we've lost our coolest gays will there be someone for your more personal needs concubines many concubines i'll work my way in he could learn how to put in adding machine tape that's how i got through the depression and letting the fbi know which bugle boys were about to turn buggy woogie uh rechecking rechecking put upon psy hi vic rechecking that's quite a workout you're getting although i can think of a better one sorry but i'm in a committed relationship with the former miss denmark she's created a breed of mosquito that cures malaria well if she invents a cure for commitment let me know but there's this painting from that museum only one word explains what i feel what is this again transgender transcendence please welcome the man who's taking a bold leap into intentional unfunniness and giving me a ride home tonight and maybe more mr herschel krastovsky oh mark simpson the fan of farewell we are all burwellians you don't mind that our books are a little grandma on the veranda burwell's whole life was a protest against conformity she never married had no children she lived in provincetown mass heloise burwell is a lesbian icon her offensive stereotypes were actually a self-consciously ironic protest against her own oppression how much of that do you actually believe most and i don't want to be in a room where guys walked around with their dinguses out no no don't imagine that [Music] hey skinner if you like chalmers so much why don't you marry him as the superintendent he's married to all the principals thank you you've made the anniversary of my wife's death even more depressing you failed to salt the rims of your mangaritas rendering them mango nothings so get out of the way of the actual winners shawn and barry our rims are super salty they do have an excellent lgbt policy what's that stand for lazy goof-off buffoons and transgender would you consider hiring her at the power plant a woman i don't believe in the perils of personal attraction at the workplace right smithers i will throw a tubberware party for you but it's gonna take me a while to plan how about tonight think pretty [ __ ] now get rid of those things on your feet and put these on what is going on back there your rump has become a booty baby i just want a simple evening of appetizers cocktails and nitrous oxide i see you're checking out the merchandise let me assure you the lids match the tubs you should have told us this was a drag tubberware party he's the most convincing woman i've ever seen all right boys let's put tops on bottoms a marge teenie but don't worry that's not the only surprise i've got tucked away she's funny be arthur funny no one's that funny look at all these orders this is so important i'm gonna drop the accent everyone thought you were a drag queen people thought i was a man a man who looked like a fabulous woman drag queens can be very beautiful exhibit me i call myself penelope cruising well the next time i'm just going to be myself but that was jew chew with confidence and besides the top tubberware sellers they're all drag queens what that can't be true julio took marge to springfield's hottest track club marge this is quinceante the mysterious whaleon barbara streisman and fiona adams apple hello squirrel friend you're the tallest thing i ever oh and you're still getting up honey i spent half my day getting up in the other half getting down mal is that you i've taped my bone between my legs can marge lip-sync with off honey i'll tell you what i told eddie murphy sure why not you've got all eyes on you a nasty housewife lady come out of your mom's shell and become a bombshell women can have it all even penis said a blue duck has become a swan she's a glamazon and rumor has it out of drag marge is hot hunky and all man my wife is none of those things she leaves the room to burp you didn't tell me you're tricking all these people into thinking you're a drag queen when you're really a regular housewife in need of empowerment and now that i say it out loud it doesn't seem so bad i'm not leaving till i find my butter tub look in the mirror i'm not a drag queen girl you didn't deceive nobody we all knew i didn't know but i'm super self-involved you all made me feel understood and therefore made me realize how selfish homer is well then i went through a lot of work for nothing i understand it now the mystery wondering is she or isn't she nobody is wandering baby oh if you don't go to a march i will oh homie i love you having a man dressed like a woman to win back his woman who pretended to be a man dressed like a woman is the most romantic thing i've ever seen [Music] so are you uh you're a drag queen now i guess these days it's okay for everyone to be everything are you alone it's me homer all the good ones are either married or homer i remember philip he smelled of developing fluid in aqua velva this is the most fun i've had since not dying in the war you're my kind of man if you know what i mean that's not what i meant ah no stop shooting i got to remind myself what a real man is we found out what happened and we fired philip for kissing an employee for being gay he now lives in a small town in texas if i go see him he might punch me in the kisser or kiss me in the puncher [Music] hello abe you've aged well like a fine onion i'm sorry i ruined your life you saved it after i lost my job i decided i'd never live anything but my truth again my wife took it well we never did finish that photo session it's a shot i always wanted and never got your beautiful smile i'll leave that with you um the alamo is not the only thing i'm gonna remember sorry my friend this army man is as straight as gomer pyle but for you soldier you learn that army men come in all orientations permission to pair up sir granted [Music] do the mail yo yo ma now dewey my pouty poppage you're having that dream again it's so cruel that my only triumph has become my recurring nightmare you're cursed with the memory of an elephant and the wrinkles to match now petal don't forget to call the dog walker and easy on the leash you are home all day it's my annoyance if you'll excuse me pinterest awaits oh shut up sir winston there'll be no cigar for you why does this cow always smell of cheese puffs is someone sad snacking when he drives alone that's not like i have anyone making me breakfast but we're almost home so close your eyes there's a big surprise surprise a man for me i've changed the locks and i'm kicking you out but who gets sir winston his name is puccini very well puccini it is that's all i ever wanted i love you i'll heimlich you sir just be still so i can embrace you from behind you're safe now [Music] right in the heart of your ass someone's got to suck out the bullet wiggum damn it this is what you were born to do i can't live without you i have to warn you i'm gay i have 32 sexual identities klingon curious always up for some wookie nookie or possibly jabba the butt lower your right hand gives you more power paula friend of paddy's we met at burning woman i'm a top level competitor at timber sports that's so interesting how does it feel to be magnificent what are you doing breathing breathing for the first time in my life i walked into the forest so beautiful and green and there i saw a woman who was chopping down a tree thrown from [Music] all our sweaty passion and grunting paid off now's the time i should tell you paula is gay you've made me a new woman should i be concerned it's no weirder than that time our niece touched under the bar you still think about that every day do you want to take it to the next level what do you mean will you ride the blade with me help me bow the jagged toothed fiddle i don't understand will you be my partner on the double-ended bucksaw you really think that i have what it takes i know you do if we do this you'll have to train with me for a month in portland oh fantasies can be good homie i feel like i'm my very best self in these competitions you are honey in a way i could never make you feel or comprehend do you really want me to stay knowing how much i need this to feel good about myself yes i do what what i like what you're wearing these are locally sourced dungarees and pendleton flannel it's what jill sobile wore when she played the crystal ball room no no your mother has not settled in here welcome these are our pugs nike and swoosh you're married yes i know to you no to her you're married in the two most important ways there are emotionally and cooking you're fostering pugs they remind me of you oh marge sweetie i'm really proud of you i'm not jealous or mad it's just why are you coming home tomorrow after the competition wow i win not that i was nervous oh i'm sitting in a barn my wife's in love with a female lumberjack classic portland all right champ congratulations paula you won enjoy the hell out of her with me marge is a good woman with you marge is a great woman with two awesome dogs i have a wife and a kid she's in tokyo training for the olympics she dances with the ribbons i don't know what it's called i mean i'll miss her on the other end of the buck saw and i'll really miss that 80 grand prize money but she's welcome to come up here and train anytime if you'd like another kid i am more than happy to offer up my sperm that's very kind but no really all right you're in the top three it's you the track star or the harvard professor oh i get it instead of sperm would you like semen they're the same thing they are yep not one person here i'd mind spending an extended period of time with i didn't have time to wax so i'll do it on the plane you deliberately hid this from me until it was too late to back out yes don't try to deny it everyone this is my husband homer well well homer simpson i've heard so much about you but in my defense urinating on a privately owned merry-go-round is not public urination hmm no true you also follow the pro cornhole tour i used to play on my daddy's farm we tossed bags all day even when it was hotter than a two dollar pistol homer put your phone away have them please you don't want to go shopping with us it's vacation sugar bear we should be lying on the beach like a lost flip-flop there's nothing to do at the beach except drink why don't you two take in the sights while i chaperone your southern senorita to the beach what an elegant solution well i guess this way everyone's happy we met these awesome monkeys on the beach and we said they could crash here in exchange for them being hilarious sweetie you did not tell me your brother-in-law was such a fun guy your husband and your girlfriend are amigos but you wanted me to be nice to patty's girlfriend just what you need another drinking buddy i will stay far away from patty's fun southern girlfriend or she would say further away than a fat cheek boy from a porch full of grannies run fat boy i hope you're happy now that that ball gorilla has dragged my girlfriend down to his pathetic level patricia maleficent bouvier evelyn got homer drunk evelyn ruined my dream photo she's a bad influence she may be southern she may be a woman but you're dating a homer [Music] oh no hmm how's panty i haven't seen her i don't know what happened she broke up with me i know you feel bad mom but the lady is a homer um evelyn is your homer and no one else will ever understand why you love her except for you but there's one huge difference between them evelyn loves you and homer hates you more than anything in the world even more than he hates selma he feels sorry for selma because she has to live with you hold on evelyn i'm coming vacations aren't about the perfect photo it's about being in the moment and living your vita our first candidate is w spuckler he prefers the pronoun they on account of the twin he absorbed in my belly i can't believe we're gonna be in the pride parade finally christians can openly show our faith we're sure we're pure get used to it we're christians we're proud but don't say it too loud this place is so crowded my leg is touching milhouse's dance looks like we're knee neighbors huh buddy mr smithers i don't think i've ever seen you without mr burns oh mr burns is more comfortable at home reading his copies of the scriptures blessed be the poor when you tell people that you believe in god usually they take that to mean that you're quietly judging their lifestyle way to preach [ __ ] i'm gonna pretend i heard a man oh relax [ __ ] [Music] that's [Music] god a table cakes production

Channel: TableCakes Productions

Views: 1,057,324

Rating: 4.3371468 out of 5

Keywords: gay, lgbt, simpsons, sitcom, the simpsons

Id: sIXK9_bnHYA

Length: 139min 47sec (8387 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 27 2021