Thank you so much, Sister. Can I just say,
I have a story about her. Because you know, I guess all nuns look alike, I guess that's
what happened. I was at SEEK a couple years ago, and these two college guys, these two really
cute college guys came running up to me, almost like little boys. And they were like, "Are you Sister
Bethany Madonna?" And I said, "No, I'm not." They're like, "booo..." But I love her. Isn't she wonderful. I was like, "hey guys, guys..." Anyway. It's beautiful because when you think about somebody who
speaks the heart of a message the heart resonates very deeply with truth and goodness and beauty and
I have to tell you I'm just absolutely delighted to be here. I'm honored to be here among you and I
was sitting in the back last night as I do because I'm an introvert I sit over there in the very
back, just watching you and I really believe that just this is you are we talk about you know
young people being the future of the church but you're the Church. God is calling
your heart to become radiant and beautiful so you reveal his mercy to the world because what the
world needs more than any other time in history is an encounter with the Living God. And that person
is you, my dear sisters. It's you. So this morning we're gonna spend some time together I'm gonna
talk about receiving the gift of our femininity and I'm just got some beautiful things for you
this morning but if you've ever heard me speak you know that one thing that I always say is this,
and I firmly believe it. The most important thing that you're gonna hear in the next 45 minutes
that you and I are together is not what I'm gonna say. The most important thing that you're gonna
hear in the next 45 minutes is what the Holy Spirit is gonna speak to you because the Holy
Spirit is alive and well, amen? And he loves you and it is the octave of Pentecost can we just
say that? You know, the Holy Spirit is coming and he's speaking to you and he's speaking to the most
tender intimate deepest parts. My prayer lately has been just let the last few months you
know as I just grow as a woman and as a bride and as a mother I'm like Holy Spirit just come and
reveal all the secret places of my heart bring it all out and set me on fire because I want to
live radiantly and vibrantly I want to love well want to live excellently and so what I'm gonna
do is I'm just gonna ask you if you don't mind if you could stand for me? Okay. And I don't know
one of the things that God asks Adam and Eve in the garden he asks them a really lovely question,
and he asks me this all the time. He comes to Adam and Eve. he says to them, "Where are you?" and
they're hiding, that's what they're doing. We'll talk about that later. But he says, "where are you?" And what a great question. So if I were to ask you right now, where are you? You could say you're
logistically here, you're physically here but do we not all have the experience of being
physically someplace but mentally miles away. And I don't know what you woke up with
this morning and I think gatherings like this can stir a lot. They can stir a lot of joy a lot of
anticipation, a lot of excitement they can stir a lot of fear maybe a lot of comparison a lot of
insecurity many times we say to ourselves man that she looks amazing look at her ministry if
anybody knew my own heart would they still love me? There's all kinds of things that are stirred
up. So I just want to offer you this time a free space just to be totally you, wherever you
find yourself. And I just want to start with some moments of silence and I just want to invite
you my dear sisters to offer to the Lord whatever is on your heart this morning wherever you find
yourself, wherever you are, you are loved there. and then after we do that
I'll make more of a formal prayer and we'll be on our way this morning. okay, here we go. In the name of
the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit God Father Son and Holy Spirit we come before
you today as your daughters. given by you as gift. and father I pray for an outpouring of your healing
upon us today I pray that you reveal yourself to us as a good father whom we can trust and rely
upon and give ourselves to and I pray especially for any areas of father wounds that we have I
pray father that your face would shine upon us this morning I ask you Jesus our bridegroom the
bridegroom of our souls the lover who lays down his life to set us free I pray that you would
come very close to us that you would speak your kindness and your beauty your tender strength
and we ask you Holy Spirit you who are the Lord and giver of life that you would gently blow upon
our souls melt anything frozen warm anything that is chill and speak to us and the deepest
secret places of our hearts and souls and mother Mary mama we turn to you the woman who
was all beautiful I pray that you would wrap us in your mantle, that you would protect us that you would
intercede for us as your daughters and we turne to you mother Mary and our hearts as a family of
sisters and we pray hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death amen. Our Lady Queen of Peace pray for us
in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. You may have a seat. so a story
that I have been recently sharing with audiences is that I have a dear friend who's my age and she
and her husband had eight children and the second number seven is five years old speaking of five
year olds is very interesting five years old and that little girl is everything I want to be when
I grow up, can I just tell you that right now? She is fierce and she's vibrant and she is radiant
I'm like I just absolutely love this little girl so this mother was telling me this
story that over Christmas her husband their oldest child is 18 and their youngest is two okay
so they've eight kids made to the two and over Christmas her husband decided he's a wonderful man
that he was going to tear down kind of this old play structure that the kids had been playing on
they affectionately called it a deathtrap they're gonna turn that down and he was gonna build him a
new play structure so the younger kids especially could play on the play structure so she was saying
to me I was thinking okay that's great we'll go to Ikea we'll go to like Home Depot get like a
prefabricated thing and we'll just kind of fill this little play structure or whatever this is in
the backyard and her husband was like oh no we're gonna go big or and we're gonna go home so he got
like brought lumber delivered from Home Depot he got like brackets and screws and he had a three
story like in his mind three story vision of this like huge play structure that he was
going to build for his children and he enlisted begrudgingly the two teenage sons who did not want
to play on a structure had no interest in doing this and these men were gonna go to work to build
the play structure so my friend was saying this is really wonderful you know it says day one went by, day two and day three and day four and it is day five now she hasn't seen her husband in five days
okay teenage sons are a little bit grumpy because they gave up their Christmas break to build a lame
play structure for the younger siblings which they did not want to do okay and so my friends saying I
just I've loved my husband but now I haven't seen him in five days this is getting a little bit
larger than I had thought it would and she said to me sometimes sister she's like you know you
wouldn't know this because your husband's perfect but sometimes in marriage there are some things
that you would like to say to your husband or your spouse that probably wouldn't be too helpful so
she's like there's a lot of things where you just like I'm not gonna say that so after day five, it
is the end of day five, and it is dinner time and the kids are ready for dinner and she has called
her husband in for dinner three times thank you very much and he's outside on the play structure
because he's a man on a mission and he wants to finish the play structure before dinner and she's
getting just a little irritated okay so she calls him for dinner again and he's not coming in
and she decides to go out one last time and she takes her five-year-old daughter with her and
they got into the backyard and as they come into the backyard they opened the door and he's on
the top of the play structure it's dark outside now and he's anxious and you could just feel like
the tension rising and she's like I know how these encounters usually go right when this happens
so he's on the top of the play structure and as he hears the door open to the backyard he sees
his wife and his little girl coming out and as he turns to look at them he accidentally kicks off a
bucket of a hundred screws off the top of the play structure onto the ground and my friend said now
there's really many things I'd like to say to my husband! But before
I could say anything my little girl let go of my hand and she ran toward her daddy and she looked up at
the third story this play structure and she said oh I'm so sorry that happened she's like we're
so excited to play on this play structure you've been working so hard and we can't wait. We're so
excited! Thank you so much, Daddy. Mommy and I will help you pick up every screw right now. okay they
put the flashlight on in the three of them no on the ground in the dark and picked up the screws in
the ground and she said as soon as my little girl began to speak over her dad his whole countenance
changed and his heart melted and by the time he reached the ground to kneel on the ground and
pick up the screws his heart was completely open and she said this not one harsh word was
spoken that night because a little girl spoke over her daddy. Do you remember sister Bethany was
saying remember when you were five and all do you remember when you were five years old
because I could promise you that you were really lovely and really delightful and you probably
like her had little filter between here and here and maybe it was before life had wounded you very
very deeply in your heart but then you had dreams and you had visions and you had goals and you were
just you and you were very good. And can I tell you as I stand here before you today that you still
are. You still are. and for some of us by the time we were five we already had massive trauma,
we had things that happened in our life. and you know, the stories of our life, the blueprints
of our life often set course a long road of action and where Christ is always present right
so what I want to talk to you today we're going to talk about receiving the gift of femininity
because good things come in three there's going to be three points. This is what people always do.
I'm gonna talk about really three things I'm gonna talk about number one receptivity okay I'm gonna
talk about number two openness and then I'm sorry trust. So receptivity, trust and
talk about openness so when we talk about what it means to receive. I love the study of words
I often study words because I found it in my own life in my own journey that I had a tremendous
misunderstanding of what certain words meant and what certain things meant so when you and I talked
about receptivity if I could just give you like a visual representation of this entire talk to kind
of go back to as we journey together is that I want to talk about a disposition of this of open
handedness okay open hands open heart so this is this is the woman this is who she is is femininity
this is womanliness it's the receptivity is the attentiveness to the person so an open hand and
an open heart okay versus what two other postures open hand open heart versus grasping like this
okay or pushing away like this because all of us in our journey all of us have parts of our
hearts you know we are rarely either or all or nothing we all have various facets like a woman
who has a diamond ring on the diamond has many cuts many facets and our hearts have many facets
so I would bet imagine right now if you're really honest with yourself you could see parts of your
heart where you have deep receptivity of who you are as a woman and where it's delightful to be
so I bet also you have parts of your heart that are maybe grasping at certain things because you
think God won't come through for you okay even grasping at like just the ways we believe about
ourself or different things like this and then I think all of us and myself included have areas
of our hearts where we're kind of pushed away and we're like this is too painful I don't know
if I want to believe that so what is that what God is speaking to us because if we could talk
about receptivity let me give you a definition of receptivity which is fascinating to think of
so if you go to a dictionary.com and you look up the word receive it says this, so great. "to take
into one's possession" okay so to have something bestowed upon you or to admit into yourself so
to take into your possession is a gift somebody gives you to have something delivered to you so
if you receive a letter you have something brought to you so it's an action where you open and you
receive something so to admit into yourself to take into yourself which requires what? it requires
to be vulnerable because if you come to give me a letter and you're trying to put a letter in my
hand my hands like this you can't put it in my hand so I love what sister was talking about last
night to be courageous is to be vulnerable because to receive anything it means you and I have to be
vulnerable enough to receive it and if you do you have somebody in your life who is so for example
it's so funny it isn't easy for us especially as women to give like it's so easy that is our
nature to give I'll give you this I'll give you my sparkling water it's the last one but that's okay
we'll survive. it's so natural for us to give is it not so hard
for us to receive at times? do you know of somebody in your life who will not just, for example, not let
you pay for lunch? They will absolutely not let you pay the bill for lunch. and you're like can I just
please take you out to lunch oh no I got it like no no no really though and you're wrestling over
the bill in front of the waiter at the restaurant and they're like let me just would you just let me
take you out to lunch. let me treat you you know because there's something very tender about
being receptive right there's something about that it takes it's a risk that we take so when we
talk about we see the gift of our femininity that means it's being bestowed upon us by someone and
that someone has got himself right so to admit it to oneself to take it to oneself so if we could
just look very quickly and I'm assuming we all know the story of Genesis okay so the Genesis
that God creates in ascending order so as you know that you know that he separates the light in
the dark and he creates an ascending the crown at glory of creation is male a female man and woman
the Eve comes from Adam side she's a come from his feet she comes from a site right she's given
us his helpmate that word helpmate is only used one other place in the Old Testament where God
actually himself comes to the aid of Israel so her help me it's not just a servant or it's not
like an afterthought she's literally the help made of God God's power that God gives the receptivity
the reciprocity of the both and we see in creation that throughout civilizations throughout history
that God's created people and cultures and civilizations and and one day our civilization
might pass away to what God will create other civilizations he has only ever created male and
female as a revelation of himself so you as you sit here and it's almost you know when we talk
about John Paul the second theology the body which is the study of God in our bodies which even that
reality can just kind of be a cognitive distance like you like my body like the study of got in my
body the revelation of who God is is profound my dear sisters and who you are as a woman and it is
the answer the revelation of people want to see God face to face and they see God face to face
in you and the profound way that he's revealing himself in you so I love this catechism number 239
absolutely beautiful because we talked about the giver of the gift says this by calling God Father
because we talk about God as the origin that God gives he bestows the gift of feminie femininity
upon you and I by calling God Father the language of faith indicates two main things that God is
the first origin of everything and transcendent authority and that he is at the same time goodness
and loving care for all his children so we see the gift of masculinity in that respect okay but
then the Catechism says this and this profoundly pierced me as I pondered it it says this God's
parental tenderness can also be expressed by the image of motherhood which emphasizes God
God's imminence the intimacy between creator and creature imminence I MMA nence imminence. which
means the indwelling that the reality of you as a woman that you are the first revelation of the
intimacy between God and man because as a woman takes a person into herself she literally creates
you know she receives a seed from her husband dr. alice von Hildebrand says you know we talk about
women being receptive and she's like it's not a passive receptivity what happens with a woman
when she receives the seed of her husband she receives a microscopic seed and she gives back - she
receives a microscopic seed, and she gives back an immortal soul. so you see God's imminence, his revelation
of the tenderness of God revealed and a woman is the revelation that God is very close to us
it is the woman in a family that brings tender communion when she's a place of refuge you know it
just even the way our bodies are made our bodies are soft and they're round you know we usually
smell better than men you know like I just kind of were made to gather people in what happens
on Christmas cards every years you see one of the most tender images of Mary you know caressing
Jesus like holding her in her heart to this day to this very day it is said that still men dying
in battle on the fields of war will always call for their mother as they're dying and we look at
this reality this that's etched into your soul is etched into your body as this revelation of the
revelation of who God is that he comes for us. I mean we see one of the most you know Isaiah 66
chapter 30 as a as 66 verse 13 says as a mother comforts her child so will I comfort you and you
will be comforted over Jerusalem but that's what a woman does and as a mother we talk about this
revelation of motherhood motherhood is the most mature identity of a woman because before she's
a mother she's first a daughter so if that's your primary identity as daughter of God your parent
you came into the world as a daughter and what her daughters learned I mean you'd like to look at
the building blocks of femininity okay so when we talk about kind of where we're going you look at
the building blocks of femininity so she you every single woman comes into the world as a daughter
daughter of God on your parents you know and what do you learn as a daughter you learn things like
how to trust how to pray or how to play hopefully how to pray - all right how to play which is very
important play is very important how to trust, how to obey, obey meaning obedir, which means to listen
to hear and so from being a daughter we become sisters. biological sister, sisters to others in
humanity so what do we learn as sisters? we learn how to challenge one another we learn how to howto
for one another we learn how to get to get along how to belong you know how how do you look at
somebody else who received their gift you know many times our broken places come from these very
small areas of our life where we're instead of you know receiving of who we are we've had trauma
in our life or deep pain in our life so we've become competitive or we become we don't airy
think we don't trust and so God is speaking into these things so every woman goes from daughter
to sister and then she goes to bride right to wife which where she learns how to what how to
be chaste, how to love well how to love rightly ordered how to have passionate deep authentic
love that blesses the other that receives the other like this that's not grasping at them that's
not pushing them away what's receiving them and blessing them and calling them to be who they are
about how to give the gift of oneself how to bless and from there she becomes a mother and what is a
mother she's a refuge and nurturer she protects she guides she brings about tender communion she's
a place where people can go and safely be loved so for us in our journey right with us in our
journey where is God? This womanliness, this whole trajectory of as daughter of sister of wife and
mother where's God calling us these deeper areas of receptivity and I love you know on our podcast
last fall we did a study of the four women doctors of the church and one of my favorite women I love
Catherine of Siena like that's my girl through and through but I do have to say one woman I would
just delighted to get to know was Saint Hildegard of Bingen and there's of all the women doctors of
the church she's the one who's least known and I love this quote she's beautiful she said because
a woman brought death a bright maiden overcame it and so the highest blessing in all of creation
lies in the form of a woman since God has become in a sweet and blessed virgin you just think about
you know the vulnerability of God that he comes to us vulnerable he entrusts himself to us he is
fascinating you know? you think of all the ways that God could have come into the world and he
comes as a naked child, so vulnerable, willingly giving himself to us. I mean I just can't even
you know i from when I didn't see out a lot of missions Seattle for many years and for some time
it we lived near near downtown and so the people from all walks of life come to Mass there I don't
know if it still happens because I haven't been at that mission in a long time but there was a
moment of time for about six months where after every Mass every Sunday Mass we would find the
Eucharist around the church we would find the Eucharist on the pews we found the Eucharist in hymnals. We'd find the Eucharist on the floor and we're like what's happening here? like what
is it happening? and so father asked us if all the sisters and we had novices there if we would
walk up and down every single pew after every Mass just to make sure Jesus was not neglected
somewhere or discarded somewhere and that was a profound moment for me, just to think of that.
that throughout this life, that he comes to us. He comes and he willingly risks that kind of
treatment. that Christ is so desirous of union with us that he willingly gives himself. so humble
you know so humble so he entrust himself to you and he comes into your life in these very deep
and beautiful places and it is his desire to unfold as it is desire to illumine us. it's his
desire to continually heal us in the areas of daughter in the areas of sister in the areas of
wife in the areas of mother so we can give the gift of ourselves because that's what a gift is
as something that's given without what you know without the strings attached without recourse it's
freely given it's something beautiful it's freely given and it's his desire when you and I grow and
when we know who we are when I know who I am as a daughter of God that this is the path that God
has given me this is the identity he's given me then I can walk in strength in Who I am because
that's what you see in a life of Christ that he is the same. he's resting so deeply in who he is
as son of the father that he can walk through all these situations in light the Joyful
Mysteries and sorrowful mysteries the Glorious Mysteries at Luminous Mysteries and he is who he
is and what is he doing about but the revelation and love of the father that's what the world
is aching for. so thank you know for you and I when we talk about receptivity if we were talking
about taking something into ourselves and we ask ourselves you know how do i how do I do that? like
how does that work? to be really honest in that respect, if you thought about it very carefully, in
order to receive something from somebody you have to trust them. because if somebody that you don't
trust wants to give you something are you be like can I think about that for a second? let me get
back to you. it's like I don't think I want that . so in order to receive something I have to trust
to trust the giver and I have to trust what is being given to me so if we could
talk a bit about what what is the word trust mean okay cuz this is very interesting as you kind of
navigate the different levels of your heart trust is this so if you were to look up the definition
of trust you would find this: it is the reliance on the integrity strength ability or the surety of
a person or thing it is the confidence in somebody so confidence means con-fide, with faith. the
ability that that person is reliable and so what they are there but it what they're going to give
me is good so it is the reliance on a person okay once one has confidence in people as persons trust
them to be faithful to their commitments and hopes to obtain from them what they promised and in
theological terms Trust applied to God as a form of hope that's a theological virtue of Hope that
was infused to your baptism theological virtues are infused to our God himself they're direct
to what God Himself and theological virtue of Hope is this that God will fulfill his promises
and that heaven is our home this is like we're on a journey you and I are on a journey and so
in our life and our stories weren't the parts of our stories where God is giving these things to us
because you can have a firm intellectual knowledge of something haven't we all had that happen and
it somehow it doesn't to here you know because of I travel extensively and I share my story a lot
and just kind of the nature I do a lot of work in healing of oh my gosh people from all walks
of life everybody from laypeople to priests his sisters to I hear just hear lots of stories and I
accompany lots and lots of people and I can't tell you how many times and we know it in your journey
and mine as well where people say to me sister I know that theologically, like I know God is good. I
know that he loves me,, I know that. if they're struggling with an addiction or a sin, and like I
know that I shouldn't be doing that I know that. like why do I keep doing that? or why is it I want
to believe so deeply that God loves me but I just can't get it here? like what's happening?and so my
life change and I think one of the best questions that we can ask ourselves which will shed a lot
of light on you know kind of our journey it's the question I ask myself a lot it's really asking the
Holy Spirit is to ask the Holy Spirit, why do I do what I do? or as the venerable dr. Phil says how
is that working for you? right because many times it's not it's not working for us and one of the
great saying and one of the 12-step meetings you know they talk about the definition of insanity
and they say this the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again
and hoping for a different result what do you what do you do what you do is that interesting they've
ever thought about that like Holy Spirit like why am i doing what I'm doing because many times
what's driving us my dear sisters in our journey when we talk about our receptivity or lack of
receptivity or degrees of receptivity of taking in who I am as a daughter and delighting in that
delighting the femininity delighting in who I am this giftedness a woman that I'm attentive to
the person that I see the individual the women make the world more human they make the world more
humane it's art intuitiveness which Edith Stein says is the most perfect form of knowledge is because
we could take something in as a whole and know it deep within ourselves it is her strength it is
her courage it is her tender ferocity it's her love it's her nurturing it's your beauty women are
so beautiful inside out in amen because actually beauty is a gift that heals the soul. Pope Benedict in his letter to artists he says that beauty is a transcendental we talk
about the good true and the beautiful beauty is the transcendental that actually bypasses the
intellect in the will and it speaks directly to the soul which is one many times we are captivated
by beauty it just unnerves us and he said actually if it's true beauty what it does is it pierces--
so good. Pope Benedict, man, that guy's a lover. I love him. It pierces our soul and he said it
makes us long for eternity your gift as a woman your beauty inside and out and I really honestly
have the best seat in the house here because it's like looking at a field of wildflowers I love
it because you're all different, Amen?and it's so beautiful I was sitting because somebody
at breakfast Laura Laura at breakfast Laura what she does for a living is she breeds rose bushes
like she brings new rose bushes into existence I'm like oh girl tell me that story because that's
fascinating you know what it beautiful I've never met a rose breeder.
this is my first time in my whole life I've never met anybody like that and every time I you
meet somebody new it's like it's completely like sister was saying last night it's a completely
unique precious an unrepeatable gift and so we hear those things in our hearts and even now you
might be saying to yourselves yeah sister yeah but yeah but you know but it's not not the beautiful
thing about a woman you know what happens you know sometimes they give this example as you go out
to dinner with your friends and you're hanging out you go see you know Avengers Endgame and you
just spent three hours of your life you'll never get back after that you know somebody my last talk
was plug in there's like sister please don't talk about that I haven't seen it like okay I won't
talk about Avengers End game but anyway so you got to see Avengers and you come home and your friend
wasn't there she couldn't go, she's been sick and so you sit down on the couch and she's like oh
how was the evening and you're like it was a lot of fun you know but but there's something
wrong with Hannah and your friends like how do you know and you're like oh I know I know I know
her I know her we went to her favorite restaurant and she got her favorite entree and she sat and
she laughed and she chattered and she pushed her food around on plate the whole night long but
I know her. I know something's not right and so what you're gonna do as a woman because you're
amazing is you're not gonna Facebook or Instagram okay. what you're gonna do is
you're gonna go to at Starbucks get her favorite $7 drink okay and you're gonna go show up at her
front door when you gonna knock on her front door and you're gonna look her in the eye cause she's a
person and the eyes are the windows to the soul you're gonna say to her how are you and she's
gonna give you the standard answer that we all get people she's gonna say "good, busy." I guarantee
you I am I on my own journey as well I see myself as well but I see in the lives of so many people
that I minister to is that just underneath good busy which is a standard answer that we usually
give in social settings which is fine because at a cocktail hour it can be TMI but that's ok so but right under the level of good, busy is a whole well of pain. whoo it
is a whole wall of unspoken desires of dreams of hopes of suffering so right underneath good
busy is the iceberg. so you're gonna stand there and you're gonna look her in the eye you're gonna
say tell me the truth I love you I'm not afraid to go anywhere you want to go in your heart with you
so tell me what's going on and if she trusts you enough which is a sacred gift to be entrusted
the heart of another she'll tell you her story and that is the beautiful thing of what God does
in our lives in your heart in my her and that's the tender communion that a woman brings so if
we talked about receptivity is taking into our self of trust as the reliance upon somebody
else ok so the gift first of all is God the Father giving us the gift of femininity and the
receptivity of that which is ever deepening it's ever thank God it is ever deepening okay how do we
my dear sisters how does it work to go from this intellectual knowledge which is important which
we must continually form our minds like there's no reason to be ignorant of our faith our faith is
amazing one of things I love about being Christian and Catholic is because it actually makes sense
okay can I just say that it's beautiful nothing in our faith is contra reason. it might be supra-reason, above.
we might have to open our souls and receive the gift of faith but is never contra-
reason. and if you read the prologue of the Gospel of John this is what in the beginning was the
word and the Word was with God and the Word was God that word word means logos which means
word but it also means order right so there's an order to things there's an order to our life
there's an order a proper order so when God is speaking in our hearts about this order about this
receptivity about this goodness about this beauty how do we go in our hearts from maybe things in
your life that you're sitting there right now is thinking thinking to yourself you're hearing it
or maybe you heard it last night or you've heard it your whole life and it's remained up here but
it is not quite gotten to here yet how that works how the restoration of the heart works which is a
beautiful journey which is the glorious lifelong journey this side of heaven and we'll continue as
we are gazed upon forever face to face is one of openness. openness of our heart many times what
happens in our journeys and our stories is that we have just some very sorrowful places in our
stories and I have a wonderful spiritual director who he's just absolutely amazing priest and he's
also the Exorcist for his diocese and so I learned a lot from him just by listening about how the
soul works and how the enemy camps out and how you know what is the power of restoration how does
this whole thing work and he said this to me one day and it's really kind of changed kind of how I
thought you know because I was just talking about some of the areas my own soul just kind of what
God is doing in my life and my personal I've been in religious life 20 years now and um I've been
on a just a very deep journey of healing the last like 12 or 13 years where I had been in religious
life for quite some time and I I thought to myself you know we say these things like um you know
which is forget about the past you know it doesn't really matter and what I didn't understand is that
you know nothing in our life just goes away right so you bring whatever stage you know whatever
vocation you're called to whatever stage of life you go into either way it's like childhood
or adolescence or you know young adulthood and adulthood and you bring all your baggage with you.
it doesn't just go away. and I remember hitting a very low point in my life and I was going to
confession I was spiritual direction I went this is like 12 or 13 years ago I was receiving
Mass daily you know going to the Eucharist daily and there was that but there was something in my
heart that was so incredibly broken and my heart was trying to tell me something our hearts are
always trying to tell us something and I finally had to be honest with myself and I just I remember
I was a I was in adoration and I was sitting there I'm like okay there's something not working for me. Not
working like doctor Phil like something working here like what's what's going on? what's going
on? and I realized finally after all that time is that I had profound parts of my story and of
my heart that had never been spoken up before they had never it was a part of my story that had
never been read so to speak and you know you look at stories like why we love stories and everybody
loves a good story and you look at stories like The Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings
or stories like this you know and we love a good story and stories have you know protagonists and
an antagonist and they have a journey they have an obstacle they have you know somebody who's
taking them out usually the character has a the main character has a flaw or some sort of you
know massive overcoming of the things they have to overcome and you wonder to yourself in the
story of that you know like say Frodo or you look at Aslan and Lucy and you look at them
and you say man are they gonna make it? like this time and how many times in our life in your
life have ever said your owns to yourself like am I gonna make it? I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it
this time. you know and there's joyful chapters of this story and there's glorious chapters and
there's luminous chapters and wow there are some really sorrowful chapters and can I just say
to you it's usually many times in the sorrowful chapters of our life where Satan camps out and
he speaks to you whose deepest lies there's a wonderful French Bishop and he wrote an article
many years ago when the title of the article is called the chastity of Jesus and their refusal to
grasp right the chastity of Jesus and the refusal to grasp and it is an outstanding article and he
talks about what happens in the garden and he was really echoed by john paul ii were you know john
paul ii said it earlier but you know in original sin what happened was - the father died in the
human heart but this is how this French Bishop would this is so great because I guarantee this
has happened to you many times already today this is how this French Bishop would articulate it's
very true and I just want like to invite you to kind of see it in yourself he says this original
sin begins the moment that man distrust God the image of the Father who loves and who gives
is substituted with that of the avaricious self-serving master his promise of life places me
an uncertainty it renders me entirely dependent upon him me upon him and if he were to change
his mind if he were to stop giving what would happen? would it not be better if I took into my
own hands that which for the time being I possess only by receiving it as a gift? There are these deep
parts of our story where Satan comes into our life we have an enemy that comes into our life and
he says it oh really? oh really? God is good? Why did that happen then? why are you suffering here?
you prayed to God for a long time for this and that prayer hasn't come true. why did your parents
divorce? why did your dad leave you?Why were you assaulted that night? it's your fault. you should've
done something different. and many times what we do is we just closing in on ourselves and those stories
stay hidden and they stay hidden out of fear and they stay hidden out of shame and we really
you know retreat from receiving we retreat from trusting and we close our hearts instead of
opening we close our heart but here's my spiritual director said, sister Miriam your heart
is like an altar. an altar. and he said everything everything has to be laid out on the altar all of
it because it all has to be seen, every chapter. my dear sisters of our stories has to be read read
first of all by our own selves it took me a long time you know my story has a lot of a brokenness
of giving up for adoption and sexually abused and trauma like all kinds of all kinds of trauma
addiction or raging addiction for many years clinical depression a lot of self-hatred a lot of
an immense brokenness and those are stories that I could tell you now but for so many years
I couldn't even admit to myself in a dark room and so it began a slow journey of openness so he said
your heart is an altar where all those things have to be laid out because they're seen by God and He
desires to heal all so he said the beautiful parts your Joyful Mysteries lay all those out those
are really awesome and your Glorious Mysteries and the Luminous Mysteries Christ comes to fill
you with light but he said yes many times that this is the most tender and sacred places are
their sorrowful places where instead of saying to ourselves you know we all had those moments
that we wish would never end and say instead of saying to ourselves I wish this moment would
never end we say to ourselves I wish this moment would have never happened and we think that those
are parts of our hearts of our stories where God stops loving us or that he isn't there you see
the beautiful thing about what happens is this a continual restoration is continual opening of
our hearts on all the journey it's a like love as a journey I was thinking you know just recently
I've just this whole journey that I want and just like the journey of so many people that I know
and you know we talk about what's happening in the church today and there's a great another great
saying in 12-step meetings is this and we're only as sick as our secrets okay we're only as sick
as our secrets and you know what's happening in the church right now is the secrets of the church
are coming out and they have to because the bride is sick and in order for her to be well everything
has to come out and be laid on the altar and what happens my dears is laid upon the altar is seen
by you it's seen by God it is seen by certain people who have who love you who image Christ to
you and what happens in that is those stories and that pain that sorrow is transformed and taken up
into the glorious beauty of God so your wounds and my wounds are no longer disqualifiers that we
considered disqualifiers because God never does but we see what happens is that even in the
resurrection Christ's wounds they shine with radiance how did Thomas know him Thomas knew him
by his wounds. he said unless I put my hands into the nail marks and put my hands into his said I'm
not gonna believe in Christ shows up he's like go for it like come on it's me and that's what he's
saying and my dear sisters as leaders in the as leaders in the church I beg you this is the
only way for for the church our secrets have to come out. our stories must be read and their
beautiful stories no matter how ugly they seem to you they are beautiful stories and it's your
story is exactly what God is writing Redemption today in your life right now right now so if
I were to ask you where are you where are you where are you desiring Christ to come maybe and
speak into a story and you know there's another great saying that I often quote the suffering that
is not transformed is transmitted suffering that is not transformed is transmitted. and that's what
happens in our life is the sufferings that I've been inflicted upon us the sufferings that we've
endured if we do not allow Christ to tangibly transform them what happens is they don't go away
we just transmit them on to other people instead of receiving the other appropriately and loving
them while we grasp with them or we push them away or what God comes into our life to give us a
deeper gift of femininity the many times we fear our own beauty for a long time in my own journey
because I've been violated so deeply I fear my own femininity I didn't like it there's so many
times I can honestly tell you when I was younger I did not want to be a woman because it just seemed
too hard and got it to speak so tenderly in those areas where he sings over me and he reminds me
of Who I am and he so tenderly remakes us over and over and over and over again I got to show
you a little video I want to show you an avenue of actually this happening and it's this woman
who is speaking of a story of Jeremiah of the Potter and the clay right so she's gonna tell you
the story of the Potter and the clay but actually as she tells you the story she's going to make a
vessel as she tells you this story so as you watch I just want you to notice two things you're gonna
notice probably a journey of your own heart as you watch her and you listen to her but I'd like you
to notice two things number one I'd like you to notice her hands just watch her hands throughout
the whole video and I also want you to notice the difference between the first vessel that she
creates and the second one okay her sister thank you is that not true if something comes in our
life and just messes up how we feel right and did you notice her hands how gentle and her hands
were but she never wants tore the clay or punched the clay she just gently molding the clay and
that's one of my favorite things about Jesus is how kind he's so kind and he's so respectful of
you and so reverent of you and still reverent of your story he's so just incredibly kind and if you
notice the vessel the second vessel that she the first special that she could was very small and
it was crushed right and then she put it aside and she began to remake up the same clay she began
to her naked and new and the second vessel was twice as large as the first and that is a story
of restoration in your life and in my life and that's what happens my dear sisters to the depth
that we receive the gift of our femininity of who we are through opening ourselves through taking
that reach the gift in of trusting God of being very honest in our stories of where we don't
trust or where we have parts of where we grasp or push away and then just praying for the grace
the Holy Spirit to be open he expands the vessel of our souls and what happens when he does that
is that all people find a home there and they see God face to face and you and me right so
let's pray shall we let's just pray and I just ask you Holy Spirit right now that you would just
bring to mind just one area of our life that you would like to speak to you today what is the one
area of our life that you would be very kindly attentive to that you would like to speak into
as we go about this day what does that one place I just want to invite you just to imagine
holding that in your hands out in front of you and it might feel a shameful or it might
feel scary it's okay but would you be willing to hold that in your hands out in front of
you and allow Jesus to look at it with you and he wants to say something to you about it so Jesus I asked what do you want
to say to us right now about that and if you're willing would you allow him today
and it might feel scary but would you allow him today to gently take that from your hands and
place it in his heart because he cares for you and even in areas where we're unbelieving or
were cynical or doubtful if we could just open our hearts just a little and allow Jesus to
encounter us there and Lord Jesus we thank you we pray that you who have begun a good work
will see it to completion and Lord tonight we will have a chance to meet you face to face
in Holy Hour where you will bless and heal us I pray right now Lord for an outpouring of
grace upon all the sisters here upon all your beautiful daughters that our hearts would
be made open by the dew of your love that we would have the courage to rely upon you to
trust you and to receive this gift and to allow others to encounter you in our hearts let me
make this prayer through Christ our Lord amen it is good that you are here and I know that
God continually sings to you and I just can I just give Saint Hildegard the last word here
we talk about singing my sister who's singing I sound like this is so great this is st. Hildegard
of Bingen and she says don't let yourself forget that God's grace rewards not only those who
never slip but also those who bend and fall so sing! she says the song of rejoicing softens hard
hearts it makes tears of godly sorrow flow from them and singing summons the Holy Spirit happy
praises offered and simplicity and love lead the faithful to complete harmony without discord
so don't ever stop singing do not stop singing dear sisters because your song is needed for a
time such as this. god bless you all thank you
