Sister In Law Made A BABY For Me But Won't Let Me Be The MOM - Narcissist SIL Ruined My Life Stories

what is your terrible sister-in-law experience and what did you do about it when I was young I was diagnosed with cancer right before treatment I froze some of my eggs on the advice of my oncologist I eventually needed a full hysterectomy I got better and returned to normal life and college that's where I met my husband we both knew we wanted children down the road years later we started exploring both assisted pregnancy and adoption my sister-in-law Bethany married to my husband's brother learned that we were exploring both options and had all of a sudden volunteered to carry the baby for us she has three kids of her own and all of her pregnancies were smooth sailing she went out of her way to convince my husband and I that she's the best choice my in-laws were thrilled eventually it seemed like I couldn't say no because everyone was so excited I was taken aback by the generosity while Bethany was preparing for the implantation and she was undergoing injections which are typically well tolerated but Bethany was complaining of multiple symptoms and seemed to need a lot of rest she wanted to persist and the whole family stepped in to help with her own kids which included driving them to school and taking them in for sleepovers to help her rest she became pregnant soon after Bethany quickly started experiencing nausea and severe morning sickness every pregnancy is different but it seemed odd again the whole family rallied behind her and prepared meals for her took care of my nieces and nephew paid for a cleaning service and went above and beyond to dote on her as soon as the morning sickness had subsided by month four she started having severe back pain again a new pregnancy symptom for her she started doing things that made me feel uncomfortable she did a maternity photoshoot and included the rest of our extended family in the pictures she posted the photos on Facebook as well as multiple updates on her pregnancy she posted ultrasound pictures online for her little nugget she posted a long Facebook post on Mother's Day detailing her pregnancy and how bio moms should be celebrated on Mother's Day now she is insisting on having a joint baby shower I explained that as the new mom I felt that I for once should be the center of attention and celebrated as the mom she already had her baby showers for her kids it doesn't feel like it has acknowledged that it is my child I told my husband and he thinks I am the idiot and that she's done this wonderful thing for us it feels odd to me now that she has this control over the family and I am worried that she will continue to interject into my family well after the birth I am already sensitive about not being able to carry my child and watching her take this over the top has hurt me me 25 years old female and my fiance 28 years old male have been together for six years and have a little boy who is too I am an only child and my fiance has four sisters for context I've never had a strong relationship with any of them not through lack of trying they are extremely close and even bought hoses next to one another they kind of have a clique and I'm tolerated I guess but not really accepted they have often vocalized indirectly how they prefer fiancé's ex who cheated on him which hurts I've just kind of accepted how life is and try my best to build bridges where I can the problem starts here for my bachelorette party we decided to book a weekend getaway to a hotel in a nearby country I was super excited as I have never had a girls trip it works out to around two hundred dollars each for three nights including flights we booked it a year and a half in advance to give everyone a chance to save so far there have been no problems with anyone except for sisters-in-law they made comments on the hotel location etc despite them being the best in the area myself and my other half are working-class and have to save for the wedding this is our only luxury his sister's on the other hand are well-off married into money and have multiple trips a year both with and without their kids we agreed and the place was booked now two months before the trip one sister-in-law is insisting on bringing her child the same age as our son I refused and have been called a huge idiot for it by all of his sisters they say she has anxiety over leaving him with her husband who has had him while she has had week-long trips before with her friends no problem she has never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder I have had anxiety for years and have recently stopped counseling so I understand what it can be like but I suspect it's an excuse she is very self-centered and always seeks the limelight announcing her pregnancy at her friend's baby shower etc and I've reached the end of my tether our hotel is adults only we have excursions booked where children aren't permitted have bar crawls planned etc and an adult's only spa day there is absolutely no place for a child let alone for a two-year-old boy she expects us to change the hotel last-minute to accommodate him he is my nephew and I love him but this is my one thing that I want to be all about me I've never had a birthday party engagement party baby shower etc I just want this one trip to be about me as selfish as I sound I'm getting rude texts and phone calls from everyone telling me it's wrong to exclude him even my own son isn't coming my fiance has even offered nephew and brother-in-law to stay at our place with them for the weekend to which she has refused am I an idiot for not wanting him there I am on the verge of just canceling the whole thing and all I have done for the last few days is cry it's getting to the point where I don't want to go at all because I'm scared they're going to make it hell for me either way I've been seeing someone new for the last three years and though we haven't been trying for a baby we've agreed that if something happens we'll be happy about it I had been feeling off for a couple of weeks not sure what it was so decided to go to the doctors boyfriend gives me a lift and comes in with me since I'm feeling pretty nauseous doctor asks me to do a test and it turns out positive God booked in for a scan in two weeks to see how far along I am etc as we're leaving talking excitedly about the news to each other in comes the ex sister-in-law she quite clearly overhears our conversation and starts calling me a witch in front of the reception staff and the other patients in the waiting room I am so angry and embarrassed she then starts accusing me having cheated on my ex with my new boyfriend and that my daughter isn't her brother's child at all I didn't even know my boyfriend existed when I got pregnant with my ex I never cheated on him and even if I had that doesn't mean she can just start yelling at me in public like mother like daughter I suppose I just immediately call the police right in front of her she's already had a warning from it about mistreating me and as soon as she realizes what I'm doing she leaves I asked the reception staff if the cameras they have there are recording because I might need the footage for the RO I'm filing against her family they are totally okay with this police come and after dealing with them I finally get to go home I'm so furious I was having a fantastic time discovering I'm pregnant again and I just hate that the memory is going to be tainted by that fish-faced no talent walking Rumble I never wanted my partner to get involved with them but I guess that was too much to ask for I am super happy and excited about the whole pregnancy though we're getting our parents together for dinner tomorrow night to do a reveal for them I've put tiny pairs of socks into little boxes for them to open with coming soon written inside so I hope it goes well to make a very long story short my poor brother and his soon-to-be ex-wife have six children there is a large age gap between my brother and me therefore my sister-in-law and I as well I am currently 27 years old female man I need to update my flair they are 37 years old female and 40 years old male I've never really gotten along with her she's known I was child free since I was a kid she always seemed to brush me off and told me you'll change your mind someday well I got married last year and still haven't changed my mind I've traveled something she's never been able to do excelled in my career and she's been a witch to me ever since she had her first child very young not my brothers she then had three children with my brother they got married they had three more he did not want sex she magically became pregnant even though she was on birth control and they were very careful she's been on welfare for 15 years because she refuses to work brother got a vasectomy after the horses left the bar and so does his wife is divorcing him because she somehow still wants more kids yikes all around okay well I'm actually pretty close with the older kids my oldest niece in particular we get manicures together I take her shopping we get lunch on occasion she was a bridesmaid in my wedding last year I changed her diapers when I was young I love this kid like a sister and she's grown up to be an amazing person even with a bad role model for a mother we hang out often the topic of kids has arisen more than once in that time she knows husband and I don't want any well yesterday I got a phone call from my sister-in-law screaming at me about how her daughter now says she never wants kids in talking with her daughter niece said like aunt Jess I was told I'll never be seeing her kids again because I'm filling their head with bull I hung up after it was obvious I wasn't going to get a word in nice then called me in tears apologizing because she heard the whole thing from her mom screaming I assured her she did nothing wrong and she's fine I am NOT mad and I love her she's been banned from speaking to me although she turns 18 in a few months so I'd like to see how her mother plans on enforcing that brother has been mostly silent about everything but says on the weekends he has the kids I'm more than welcome to come see them so whatever I'm just salty about everything and had to vent hi all wedding planning has been exhausting for me and I'm close to giving up and eloping I just can't handle all the pressure my fiance and I have been together for two and a half years my issues with my future sister-in-law started just after my fiance and I got engaged last year future mother-in-law had remarried earlier the same year and I also think she never expected her little brother to get married before her she freaked out and pressured her boyfriend to propose but he wouldn't and they split for a while then got back together for that period we were not allowed to mention our engagement in front of her or she would be very rude and passive-aggressive there was also the issue of the ring fiance's family has two heirloom rings one for my fiance and one for future sister-in-law when my fiancee asked his grandparents about it they could not remember which one future sister-in-law had chosen and had to call her about it she couldn't pick which one she wanted so now both rings were off the table until she decides which one she wants my fiancee said forget that and bought me a different ring which I love but the whole situation was hurtful now my fiancee and I want a very small ceremony and large reception afterwards we also want a small wedding party I decided I only wanted two bridesmaids my sister and my best friend my fiance will have two groomsmen his best friend and my brother future sister-in-law is of course invited to the ceremony but completely lost it when she realized she wouldn't be a bridesmaid she called my fiance screaming once then went in denial and kept texting me about bridesmaid duties my fiancee called to tell her to leave me alone and she screamed and hung up now apparently she's been ranting at future sister-in-law who is in turn trying to talk my fiance into it my compromise was that she be on my fiancees side but I was told by future mother-in-law and future sister-in-law that that was unacceptable because it would make the sides uneven and it was untraditional for a woman to be on the groom's side my fiance got annoyed and said that was fine he didn't want her on his side either and she wouldn't be in the wedding party at all that cued another freak out I don't want to give in because I know she will make a day about my fiance and I all about her she always does but I'm tired of the weeding calls from my future mother-in-law to invite her back in there was already drama with my family the guest list on my side is very small because we are having a pagan ceremony and I know my family would disapprove doesn't what we want matter I don't know how to handle all of this thinking of my wedding makes me feel nauseous now needless to say I was in a bad place in my life and that's when my fiancee whom I had kept in contact with his friends and I began to reconcile and eventually start a new relationship together his family welcomed me once more with the exception of his sister she isn't outright rude to me but I get the feeling that she disapproves this subtle hostility flared when my fiance and I announced our engagement a month ago in comparison when I was 18 and dating her brother for the first time she would always act like a big sister to me and buy me gifts help me do my makeup stuff like that I remember that she would act kind of patronizingly towards me but never mean or rude she approved of me then so to speak my fiance and I got engaged a month ago it will be his first wedding and my second we have been planning our wedding I hired a wedding planner and told her the details I wanted I've always dreamt of having a big lavish event my first wedding was quite simple held in a courthouse less than 50 guests that sort of thing so I wanted my marriage to my childhood sweetheart to be special we are having the ceremony at this beautiful Cathedral where my fiance's father had his wedding and the evening luncheon and reception at a beautiful property his family owns I am paying out of my own pocket for my gown the florist the videographer / photographer the catering and the decorations my husband's family is covering the venue's I am so excited because I love planning things and I want my wedding day to be beautiful and flawless if I get carried away my wedding planner helps me to stay on track the planning is only at the drawing board stages but things will be set in stone in a few weeks or so hopefully yesterday while I was talking about my wedding plans at dinner my fiancée's sister suddenly interjected with don't you think you're too old for such a big wedding I was stunned and asked her what she meant she then replied if you had married fiance's name when you were 21 then maybe you could get away with such a fancy wedding it was only me my fiance the maid of honor her and her husband at the table everybody was kind of awkward for a few seconds I figured that maybe she had a bit too much wine to drink but nonetheless she continued with her reasons for why I shouldn't have a big wedding first she thinks that since I am already a mother I'm not exactly a young bride anymore second I was married once before so I don't need to lavish so much expense on my second marriage my fiance chimed in at this point and said that we were paying for the wedding not her and that it wasn't her place to dictate what kind of wedding I wanted to have she then replied with I'm just offering some suggestions I don't want you to go bankrupt just for one day this morning I woke up to find that she had sent me several links to Pinterest boards with titles such as wedding dresses for older Brides ideas for your second marriage and articles such as for those getting married later in life I'm seriously so freaking confused she worded her messages as if she actually believes I should be wearing a knee-length pencil skirt to my wedding just because I am nearing 30 she even had the gall to send me a link with an article that says risks of having a baby over 30 I think she's trying to send me a not-so-subtle message that she thinks I'm not young or pure enough to marry her brother which frankly is ridiculous she is making me second-guess myself and causing me so much unnecessary stress I think this is the root of a bigger problem that she has with me but I don't know how to confront her about it and make sure we are on the same page before the wedding which will not be until another six months my husband wanted to wait until 12 weeks to announce to his family that I'm pregnant 12 weeks is tomorrow hooray and his family happened to plan three weeks ago a get-together for that exact day which seemed perfect the get-together was originally because his grandfather is going to be out of the country for a little while also of note this is going to be my husband's parents first grandchild and his grandfather's first great-grandchild my husband's younger sister has been seeing her boyfriend for a few years now and every time we get together my husband and I have been putting bets on whether they're going to be engaged in a moment of clairvoyance I said how much do you want to bet that they're going to announce they're engaged when we announced about the baby well we got a text two weeks ago that he proposed we sent our congratulations and mailed them a card but I think that this will be her first time seeing the family getting engaged we don't want to steal their thunder but we've waited to tell for what feels like forever plus his mom has been sending me some seriously affectionate texts and emails so I think she already knows and this will be the last chance to tell his grandfather in person before he's not around for about a month our plan is to play it cool for the beginning of the evening I might even take a glass of wine that I won't drink and then once the conversation dies down about the engagement then my husband will break the news his sister is very sweet and was one of my bridesmaids so I don't expect drama I just want to make sure she doesn't feel slighted by our news we're also thinking about calling and telling them this afternoon so that they hear it first [Music]

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, askreddit girls, reddit women, reddit girls, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit entitled, reddit sister, reddit sister in law, reddit mother in law, reddit sil, reddit narcissist, reddit drama, reddit family

Id: K1yKSNptUF8

Length: 18min 33sec (1113 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 23 2020