Should I have another baby after an Autism diagnosis?

hi guys welcome back to my channel [Music] today i wanted to do an episode on a question that i get asked quite frequently and i have touched on it in a previous episode but it's about having another child after you have a child diagnosed as being on the spectrum obviously this is a very personal question it's quite a difficult subject to talk about but i wanted to share my views with you about it and i wanted to share what i did differently in my pregnancy with luca and nia rose and thought it might help you guys quite frankly having a diagnosis of any type it can be really unnerving and it basically takes the wind out of your sails to be honest with you and it is hard and it is life-changing and it's worrying and nobody can predict the future you know when when i think about where i was 10 years ago and thinking about the doctor telling me that dylan might never walk he might never talk you know he might never make friends it was like someone had punched me in the stomach and i thought i don't know how i'm going to get through this autism is the social spectrum disorder and i thought well if he's going to find it difficult to make friends then i kind of need to give birth to all his friends i need to create a bubble around my child and these are the thoughts that i had and i still have and i'm very careful about who i introduced in them to i'll only introduce dylan to people who are hopefully going to be in his life forever i wanted to create an army around dylan i really did and i thought well the best way to do this was to have more children when dylan got his diagnosis they said are you thinking about having any more children now i was 25 when i had dylan i didn't just want one child i'm from a family of four and my siblings are my best friends without a doubt and i wanted that for dylan so i i was just like yes of course we want to have more children and the doctor went well there's 18 chance that your next child if it's a boy interestingly enough will be on the spectrum as well because we already had a child on the spectrum so i was kind of like well 18 chance like you know that's obviously more than none however to be honest i at that point didn't really care because i thought well at least they'll be together and i felt that you know i'm not going to be around forever andrew's not going to be around forever and it's going to be just dylan and so i wanted him to have siblings i wanted him to have a group around him so there was no question in my mind if i wanted to have any more children or not but obviously there were things that i wanted to do a bit differently so i started taking a probiotic and i know i talk about probiotics all the time i honestly think they are amazing you know dylan's on them all the kids are all on it but i took it because i had read a study that the contraceptive pill which i had been on previously for some acne can get rid of all the good gut bacteria in your body and this can sometimes lead to bad bacteria going through to the child and that kind of thing so i was like right take a good probiotic i took some healthy vitamins all that kind of stuff so i fell pregnant but unfortunately we miscarried that baby and then i've never wanted anything more i literally say to luca all the time i've never wanted anything more than i wanted you because i would pray for him i just had a diagnosis of um dylan being autistic and then i had lost i'd miscarried so it was a double whammy for me at the time so when it again came to trying for luca i really did not care i was like i just want another baby quite frankly and so when luca was born it was the most amazing thing ever and luca means light after the dark which he really was dan is that your baby oh lovely give him a kiss oh lovely okay tummy yes hey head yes emily ears yeah nose nose yet gentle yeah gentle what did i do differently with luca again this is quite a controversial subject but a subject i feel needs to be spoken about vaccinations people talk about vaccinations dylan yes he was vaccinated i have not said that previously he was vaccinated um went along with whatever i was told to do with luca we did do it slightly differently we went to go and see a fantastic doctor he was a gp but he was also holistic doctor and he said to me that if you breastfeed exclusively for the first six months that your baby gets your immunity so i didn't vaccinate luca for the first six months of his life and then we did the alternative vaccination schedule which is more spread out one at a time as opposed to you know six and one three and one all the rest of it so that's what i did do differently with luca whether it made a difference or not i'm gonna keep those opinions to myself because you as parents only you you are the best person to make that decision for your child not me not a doctor not anyone if you feel it's right for your child you go ahead and do it if you don't that is totally your decision and i think we need to be non-judgmental of other parents i think we need to respect each other's decisions and you know look after each other and say okay that's you know this is your baby you created this beautiful being or this beautiful being has come into your life if you've adopted you know you know you have that gut instinct so you go with that so yeah with the vaccinations we did the alternative vaccination schedule with luca and naya so that was the difference [Music] dylan was almost four by the time i had luca and it was difficult dylan was non-verbal he was still in nappies i had a newborn i was breastfeeding it was a bit tough in the beginning but we know we slowly got into a routine and i slowly would be like right you know luca now needs to be fed you know that time five o'clock everyone gets a bit angsty i would feed dylan a little bit earlier i'd give him his ipad i'd give him put him in front of the television on a trampoline in that time that i knew i needed to bath and get luca ready for bed and i slowly got my own little rhythm going on now does the crying affect a child on the spectrum it did to begin with dylan would put his hands over his ears so i had his ear defenders ready so i literally had a basket of all the things i knew dylan light it was sensory toys air defenders ipad and he knew that if that happened i would direct him put the air defenders on put a television show on that he hadn't seen before really in the grand scheme of things it's such a short space of time and it's awful because you're postpartum and you're like your boobs are leaking and you're sore and you've got a new baby hanging on you and they're crying and your child wants you and yes there were times where i was covered in poop and dylan's smearing poo on the wall and luca had done a poop up the back and it was just like ah what am i doing but now after that period and after you know especially after the first year luca became easier and dylan actually started to really bond with his brother and then we did things that bonded them together even more so we did activities together they would like um you know as the years went on it was like mummy and daddy were on a team and dylan and luca were on a team and you know it was anything that bonded them together a bit like helping your child make friends you know structured play dates are great you know if you know your child likes playing on a game get the child to play the game next to him we did that with luca it's all about helping their bond and yes there's been times where dylan doesn't understand there's also been times that i've had to take luca out of a situation because dylan was getting upset and i knew that he might lash out he might hit luca which he tried to do a couple of times and obviously you know i devised plans like getting a playpen for luca when he was crawling you know i had a playpen set up with his toys so i could put luca in the playpen and i could deal with dylan all that kind of balancing and the whole balancing act thing and you know as lucas got older he's understood there was a time when he was about six or seven he didn't understand when dylan was lashing out and he would say mummy why do you always put me in another room when you tell me to get out if dylan's having you know one of his moments and i've had to say well darling if he lashed out and hit you then i would feel terrible i'm doing it to protect you and this took a while for luca to understand and i know in a previous episode which i'll link below in our play therapy episode um play therapy is fantastic and it's really good for helping siblings of children on the autistic spectrum understand their feelings so luca had a lot of really big feelings of how can i love and hate someone at the same time he loves his big brother so much but at times he feels jealous he feels how come dylan's getting the attention not me the other day we went for a walk so i'm going off on a tangent here but i need to tell you this we went for a walk and dylan was like i don't want to go i don't want to go and i could see he was anxious and maybe two times out of 10 i'll say do you know what it's okay you stay at home you play on your ipad i'll take the other two out and leave him home with his dad or something and luca said well how come dylan can play his ipad and i can't and i said to him well actually darling i feel sorry for dylan that he's not coming out i want to give you a childhood i want to take you on adventures and this is what a childhood is and so yes it hurts me that dylan can't come with us but you also deserve that time you also deserve mommy time and to go do fun normal activities that maybe we couldn't do with dylan because sometimes we arrive at a destination and dylan goes nope not going in i want to go home and then everyone has to go home tomorrow myself and luke are going away for a special night where are we going i've gone to birch no we're not go to brighton you didn't tell me that we're going to brighton tomorrow to see jodie oh yes it's his birthday and we're going to see with your other friends so it is about finding the balance about being honest with your children and i think if you have older children and your maybe your youngest is being diagnosed then it's it's quite hard for the older children because they remember a life maybe without having the difficulties whereas for luca and naya they know no different so if your first child is autistic and you're thinking should i have another one or god how am i gonna cope you will cope you really will newborn stage you know it's the same with every newborn whether you have an autistic child or not it's always going to be a challenge but it is so worth it and dylan doesn't do school plays dylan doesn't do the first day school photographs well he's getting better at that now but we never really got to experience all those with dylan so for luca and naya it's amazing you know i remember going to the nativity play and seeing luca and i was i think i went to every one that they had and i was just so delighted that selfishly i got that experience as well this is from luca do you like me to help you thank you [Music] [Music] and for dylan it was the best thing we ever did he really does adore luca and naya he's getting used to i mean nia has been a bit more challenging for dylan you know he's a bit like what why does she do that and i keep trying to explain this is what happens and you know and i'm also kind of preparing him for when maybe he wants kids when he's older which we'll talk about in the next episode and he goes okay so i better get used to this and i said also when they turn to four or five you know it gets easier and so he is seeing oh the crying has stopped now you know this is getting easier and he sees the progress and to be honest i think luca and naya have been dylan's best teachers i really do i've posse trained luca and dylan at the same time and dylan started talking when lucas started talking so really they're they're quite similar ages i think mentally um but yeah i honestly i just love them and the three of them together they're just like the best buddies so if you are thinking of having another child i would just say go for it you know they just bring so much joy and try and push the worries to your side you know try and push all those other things to the side if it feels right in your heart then i'd go for it anyway guys i really do hope this has helped and if you have any questions as always please leave a comment below i'll try and get back to you also on instagram if you want to get me on there anyway guys have a great week and i'll see you soon

Channel: Coming Home to Autism

Views: 22,234

Keywords: coming home to autism, tara leniston, autism, autistic son, family vlog, vlog, family, ASC, ASD, Should I have another baby after an Autism diagnosis, autism diagnosis, autism siblings, having another baby after a diagnosis, Autistic children, what did I do differently, pregnancy and autism, health autism and pregnancy, is my baby autistic, Will my other children have autism too

Id: e3g2nckCszY

Length: 13min 17sec (797 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 12 2021