Shahrazad Ali 7 Attributes of a Good Black Woman

as I said this book demonstrates that that we are not as different as we like to think that we are so what I'm going to go over real brief right now is what the attributes are of the good black woman's since she's not on television we may not recognize her now the good black woman has seven attributes and then I'm going to explain to you how to utilize those in your day-to-day life good black woman has self-discipline courteousness cheerfulness self-respect intelligence cleanliness and love now we've heard those that terminology you know it's like one of those where they tell you pull yourself up by your bootstraps what do that mean you know how can I make that functional in my day to day life to benefit me as a practice it sounds like all theory where's the practicum what do I do the good black woman has self-discipline that's self-control let me make that real for you sisters we can start with our mouth a good black woman can control her mouth she don't have to say everything that comes up it's okay if he get the last word sometime no she don't cuss in public and she works on that custom in practice she don't tear a man down with a mouse because they came out arguing can't nobody out argue us I have charged that we mag I'm in too much we keep our man's head tab up so much when our petty grievances about our personal relationship that he don't have time to think and plan for our future because he got to deal with what's gonna happen with us every day you know it's real live when the black man come home he almost have to do a wind test the stick is towing and oh you don't know what we [Applause] he knows possibility there's some kind of new monster that eating even nobody today so you know what we need to not make it like that we need to not be so vicious with our mouth no men and that pitted like that they're not going out argue us and it has been proven that verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse so let's not use our mouth to do that to him the good black woman is courteous she says thank you very appreciate you doing that I appreciate every effort you make try harder I'm gonna work with you thank you I know you did your best now that's a whole new language [Applause] but just to say that during the course of the day every day with the man that you're trying to be with I want to be with will make our life easier we can't get it if we don't give it we keep wanting them to give us and do something bus that we refuse to do and give to them it don't work like that the good black woman has self-respect she don't have to go out and make it just to get the attention of a man [Applause] [Music] I have sisters all over the country and they come up to me after the lectures and they'll be talking to me and they'll say well you know all he think about is sex all he think about is my body I say why don't you show him something else and that is they're really good they'll come up and they'll have fun Oh a weave they have one false eyelashes another whole face false fingernails and all of that and then they'll say but I'm looking for a real man [Applause] what you want a real man book the good black woman can pull a dress down without thinking that it devalues her she doesn't have to use her body because she has so many other good attributes about herself to get the attention of a man we can take the sisters the sisters in a position to take all of the charge and sexual energy out of the black community by just dressing differently we have the power control over there that don't stop you from being beautiful that don't stop you from getting a man and it certainly puts things on the right perspective so some other judgments can be made other than physical don't take no knowledge wisdom and understanding to have a sexual reaction that's the most base we spend less time doing that than anything else we do doing that than anything else we do so you know that doesn't always have to be the forefront issue we know we are capable of that the good black woman has intelligence meaning that she knows how to behave properly in the streets she's not in the wrong place some of my women don't know what else to do other than go to the bar they need some activities some of my women thinking of staying home on the weekend is some kind of sin some of our women think that if they don't have a new outfit to wear every day that they go self-destruct you know we have a mother just that kind of nonsense going every time we buy new outfits and clothes or whatever are we doing is sending money I communed do we don't all no clothing store if the white man clothes the shoe factory we'd all be here barefooted tonight we don't want no shoe factories you know very base things that we don't own that we put our money into and demand we have to have them a lot of times I men look at us and know that he ain't never gonna be able to make enough money to give us all of the things we say we want and don't know man want to be even a woman who he constantly got to deny her the things that she says she want could I represents value to him they have to always you know not be able to provide us for what we ask for one of the ways we can do that is to start being satisfied with less you know the good black woman is clean now that's a hard one the good black woman try to keep the house bling good black woman is cleaned by her own body you a lot of those things we kind of take for granted but all white people don't know about that there are people who are angry with me because I even described the fact that some of us as sisters don't have the proper personal hygiene as if that don't exist we have too much falsehood and pretense going about our condition everybody just dressed up and clean the truth we have to look at our condition in the light of truth stop reacting emotionally and pretending that just because we don't want to get one of the most difficult things that I deal with out here there's trying to teach our people the difference between an action pack and an opinion our people think that they can accept or reject truth based on how they feel about it your feelings don't change the truth the truth is just don't be that you can feel any kind of way you want to feel about those are just those kind of emotions have kept us from growing because anything we don't like we just reject and say well I don't believe that that don't mean that it's not true just make you a disbeliever the good black woman practices non possessive loving now y'all know that's the hard work now envy is wanting what someone else has and jealousy of course is just selfishness non possessive loving is not an easy one for us to practice and of course I have a lot of sisters and some brothers who are in disagreement with me saying that but the actual fact is that our men are outnumbered about five to one and nature is going to require that the men take responsibility for more than one woman and her children most of our men have children by more than one woman anyway so I don't know why that was such a surprise alleged man when I said that the black man has not been waiting on me to tell him he could have more than one woman I'm in agreement with the rest of y'all I don't think he should do that but I feel like you did there are some things perhaps about the nature of our man that we have been given some definitions about that are not true there are some things he can do that we call him a doll we do not have the same capabilities as a man I am NOT talking about fornication and adultery that's something else I'm talking about action responsibilities of fatherhood and husband hood of another family that's quite different from fornication and adultery we don't have the same capabilities of them that's right a man can have two homes two sets of in loans he can eat dinner two houses two sets of children two garages two separate sets of friends attached to that woman he can have all of that we can't do that we can't cook them in two houses we can't sleep with one man phone nights a week in another one three ain't no man gonna agree with that we can't have one set of children we leave in one place and go and stay in another place to take care of another set it doesn't work for us now that does not mean that we can't have sex with more than one man that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about just taking responsibility for your children now sir mayor every man can't take financial responsibility for all of his children he can do something but a man who is spending time with the child is don't do something for it because then they'll find out what we have since we've been taking care of him by yourself you don't like to always say no I can't do it no I ain't got it so that the children will make you get it up you spent some time with it that's an important thing the effectiveness of the principles that I just described their usefulness has not diminished just because modern opinion has changed about them there is not a black man in this room who does not still enjoy it if this woman baked him a cake well our young daughters are being raised and taught that that's all styling aside fashion we are not making those rooms somebody else's and they're imposing them on us and making us think that we have to qualify under them I tell the brothers just like I tell the sisters if you have a woman that you've been working with for months and years and you can't get that woman to get in agreement with your program then get rid of her and get another one and I tell the sisters the same thing if you put the man you can't agree with don't make his life miserable get what a man you can't agree with but we spent too much time living in hell with each other we spend too much time tearing each other down try to make the other person do different a function different if you want somebody to change first change yourself we set the example we are the teacher we had a mother we set the example

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Id: JpBKH6t7AlM

Length: 12min 14sec (734 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 22 2018