Sex, Life, and More // Judah and Chelsea Smith

hey first of all thanks so much for tuning in today and you're about to watch a message that obviously I'm really hoping helps you and encourages you what's the point of preaching if it doesn't help people so again thanks for taking time to tune in if you haven't heard we've just announced that we have started church home college we've had a training program now for years in fact I graduated from it and just recently we have given it a brand new name church home college and I'm super passionate about empowering people to live the life that Jesus has called you to live ultimately we're all called to live as storytellers telling the story of Jesus his goodness and His grace so if you'd like to grow more in your relationship with Jesus and learn more about the teachings of Scripture that's what church on college is all about so actually there's a link here you can click on right now as you're watching this to find out more information about church home college but for now we'll go right into the message thanks so much for watching one of my favorite memories growing up course at the time it wasn't necessarily my favorite but my dad now graduated to heaven and and I often think about dinner time with dad dinner time around the table and that was at least in our home it was a pretty regular basis and I know the world's changing times were getting faster but we'd sit around the table and we just talk and one rule we had is no one could talk over another person that was kind of rules of engagement so if Wendy was talking we listened and then if mom started talking her dad start talking it was at that table where I learned so much about life learned so much about being a man learned so much about being a follower of Jesus and so I thought it would be fun today if I asked my wife to join me and we literally did a live now a lot of people call them q and A's I like to call them Q in ours because I may not have the answer but I always got a response so today is gonna be twofold Chelse and I will share Scripture of course and we'll anchor these moments in the fact that Jesus has changed my life and if you're new to this face and not sure what you think about Jesus you're gonna find out real quick we're one of those communities that believe Jesus is God and that he took our place that is he took our punishment for our air are wrong in our sin and that the purpose and meaning of life all culminates in Jesus and that he is the savior of our soul and that we follow him every day it doesn't mean that's what you have to believe but even in this Q&R you're gonna hear that coming out of our heart at the same time you're gonna hear a little bit of probably our take and opinion on family life dynamics and so I'm really really excited I want to remind you just by way of framing this Q R what God's original how should I say environment for your soul and and I suppose in moments like this the QRS can kind of get wonky sometimes or it's like hey this doesn't relate to me but the big idea behind having this literally it's gonna be live your we're gonna give you a number where you can text in I think Bill is gonna be getting or Colby is get Culp ster is got a pastor Colby I call them cold stir that's disrespectful Colby is gonna be taking the questions but can I show a couple of scriptures to you in the book of Genesis and and in the band is gonna joy that's such a cool hat man that's a cool hat have we ever met before we've never met what's your name Archer oh that is a cool name my name is Judah love you thanks for joining us man what a cool drummer yeah I mean I mean if you want to be anything you want to be a cool drummer with a cool hat don't you how do that is amazing happy Father's Day so the the original environment that God describes for us is of course many of us would know is called the Garden of Eden and it's in this garden that we can make for observations of what makes our soul healthy and thriving of course the Garden of Eden priests in pre Adam and Eve choosing their own way is its utopia it's absolute perfection and it's from here we can extrapolate what are the four elements that are important for us to take notice of so that our soul remember your soul is who you really are your soul is your eternal self your soul is the real you again it's the eternal part of you and a lot of people wonder what you can you describe the soul much has been made of it is it mine is it will as emotions it is the essence of who you are and I think we can all conclude that when your soul is not healthy somehow you just know you ever had that just like you you might be physically fit things might be going well in your career family life might be pretty good but on the inside you know you're not healthy and one of our passions at church home is that each and every one was each and every one of us would have a healthy soul notice the first description of the Garden of Eden it says that the trees were pleasant to the sight and good for food did you know this is the first description of a Garden of Eden which tells us that first of all God invented pleasure and you're gonna really like this one he invented good food not just food how many know God's into good food how many know bad food is just it's not okay good food right gluten free dairy free sugar free fun free he hid Marlene's like now that it's not how I raised my voice but good food God likes good food God invented buckle your seatbelts Sachs why right crazy right God is wants us to enjoy the goodness of life that's the very first description of the Garden of Eden which leads me to believe that God the optimal environment for our soul starts with number one rest that is enjoying life that is having good food and building in margin to your life so we could spend time talking about rest the next description that I want to draw your attention to of the Garden of Eden it says the Lord God took the man put him in the Garden of Eden to notice to work it and keep it work it and keep it your soul needs rest but you know your soul also needs responsibility you need to work it and keep it hey what does God put in your hand can I remind you work it and keep it and by the way don't work and keep what he didn't put in your hand work and keep even if it's just one thing that he put in your hand how many no work it work what the good Lord gave you I'm gonna get you going on Father's Day I tell you what work it and keep it by the way that's good for your soul when God gives you responsibility over something and you don't work it and you don't keep it you will notice that will affect your soul adversely it is good for us to work hard and work well going on it says in Genesis 2:17 the Lord gave a restriction that the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat for in the day you eat it you shall surely die now quickly notice God stacks the odds in our favor how many trees are in this orchard how many trees are in this garden we could probably conclude thousands maybe tens of thousands and there is only one that Adam and Eve cannot eat why why is that because evidently it is good for your soul to have restriction it is good for your soul to say no you remember growing up when you were kid you're like I'm gonna have candy every day when I grow up I'm gonna have ice cream I'm gonna watch a movie every day and then you grow up and you realize if you do you're not gonna like what you see in the mirror right and so eventually it's called maturation you say no you could have candy but you say no I call it the necessary no it's imperative for your soul that at times things you could say yes do you say no - Paul says all things are lawful for me but not all things are beneficial so there's times you just need to say no now I could have another bite but no I don't know why I'm picking on on our diets here but but but no I could go to McDonald's but no I shouldn't say that one time I got an email from an owner of McDonald's and they were like one of the local owners and he's like hey you keep dog in McDonald's that's my livelihood and I was like I love Big Macs that's what I wrote back and lastly who doesn't love a Big Mac you know do you also hate oxygen you know and Genesis 2:18 I can hear my wife right now like let's get the Q&A started buddy so there's rest there's responsibility there's restriction I know this sounds funny but I checked these four areas consistently for my owns for my own health am i resting well am i working it and keeping it how how am I actually doing in terms of saying no to things and then lastly it's the first not good in the Bible maybe you've heard of it it's not good that man should be alone and all the father said hey thank you Jesus that's good relationship so the last category is relationship today we'd probably like to lean into in the Q&A of course it's a free country you can ask whatever you'd like but to lean into relationship dynamics maybe family life friendship marriage raising kids gelsin I haven't been doing all these things a long time but been married 18 years and I've been raising kids coming up on 14 years and we're on a huge learning curve and if you're not on a learning curve when you get teenagers you are unaware that you are on a learning curve so our life is changing very fast but we'd love to share a little bit a little bit of that with you and I hope that the dynamics end up being somewhat the takeaway is a lot like growing up I'm also aware that many people did not have the honor and the privilege or the blessing or opportunity to sit around a dinner table with with your dad and so we'd like to kind of lean into to that today so I'm gonna ask pastor Colby not cope ster pastor Colby and Chelsey to join me and you know right now we could probably clap that'd be a bit cool yeah I love I love the chair you get in the chair weekend I'm super sorry about that that is just Matt okay but I'm not gonna trade you know I feel bad but I'm not gonna drink comfortable I love the church kids t-shirt yeah I've known Colby we've known Colby since he was 11 11 years old and he's now 18 it is amazing what God has done three yeah you're a dad three times over that is amazing good questions coming in keep texting them by the way I don't know what Philip Pharrell is doing here today but it is listen to this it's it's his birthday it's of course Father's Day and his son was born at 4 a.m. daughter did we say it wrong yesterday Christine it was a boy it's a girl what's her name oh you don't have a name yet same with us members ayan was uh named for like four days yes all would week he was six weeks premature little prepared we made I love you can't believe you're here and happy birthday by the way so much older than me go ahead [Laughter] all right great questions coming in hello to every location by the way who will be watching this as well first question how about this what's one thing that you wish you knew in your 20s one thing you wish you knew in your 20s that is such a good question and I and ok we were actually having this conversation yesterday or two days ago just about life and talking about soul and are we fulfilled and what brings fulfillment and satisfaction and I think in my 20s I wish I would have known you know we all have goals and things that we want to attain and for us maybe it's you know obviously our kids but particularly professional goals and success and thinking man if the church would reach the size or what it would feel like you know Judas had a best why did I air-quote a best-selling book a fake I love our marriage - what are we doing man happy Father's Day to me can I start over Judah has had a best-selling book and uh you know some of those things that you think are going to make you happy I wish I would have known that none of those things actually brought any more happiness to life they didn't bring any more fulfillment there was a momentary man that feels nice but I would say they hadn't made our lives any more fulfilling or any better and I wish I would have known that in my 20s I think it would have helped us to continue to always have the right goals in front of us which really is a relationship with God our relationship with our family and then just doing whatever God tells us to do and leaving the results up to him instead of striving and feeling like I have to earn results for fulfillment [Applause] when I think of Chelsea you know I I think I think both chels and I if we're really honest that that is both of our answers I you know I remember being a custodian here and listening to Bishop Jake's and listening to other preachers and you know mowing the carpet or vacuuming the carpet here in this auditorium and thinking you know one day maybe I'll get to do this or that and then you end up missing and I do I miss those days of solitude it was a special days and and that's why you know now why older parents whose kids are grown up they find the new couple with the new child and what do they do almost every time oh my gosh it's your if it's your kid you're like Thanks cool all right good talk see guys like why were they so obsessed with our kids cuz I think it's the human psyche going oh my gosh I it went so fast I wish I would have enjoyed it more and yeah I just would I wish I would have really leaned into those days more marriage life one question came in how do you handle your individual differences in a marriage I think she'll see submits and yields I think that's great next question yeah next question Colby it's Father's Day am i right first of all I'd say June and I are we're very we had a very similar background which I'm so grateful for in a lot of ways but personality-wise we're probably pretty different yeah and I wish I could say we handled it all perfectly with a perfect plan but I'd say we've more stumbled our way through the differences of gosh she was super social and so I had a season where I was trying to be super social to make him happy but it ended up exhausting me and not being the best for me I loved details so judah's had season where he's tried to love details with me and that ended up frustrating him so I think it's really trying to lean into one another's strengths and being excited about who he is and his strengths and who I am in my strengths and realizing God perfectly God made me exactly the way he wanted to make me God made Judah exactly the way God wanted to make Judah and so really celebrating those differences instead of first of all never competing against each other cuz that's just not fun but I'd say we stumbled our way through it yeah and I think we're still discovering our differences and learning how to celebrate them and not criticize them or question them try to make each other like each other yesterday or two days ago Chelsea got a text from someone and I saw her labouring over a response and I looked at her I started laughing I'm like oh my word you look like how I looked Oh her body language was identical to my body language when I'm working on the details of church life it's like oh man another meeting Chelsea over one text was having the same but she's like will you text back on my cab tanks back she's like oh my word I'm like that's exhilarating talk to the text you ever receive are from me by the way but they're secretly from me super weird but even those little differences we're just kind of discovering those again it's like oh yeah texting like invigorates me I love to just text a bunch of people it's it sometimes paralyzing for Chelsea and like taking those months ago oh my gosh oh my gosh and it becomes a point of intimacy actually your differences bring you more together if you learn to celebrate them but 18 years in we're still learning to do that I also think this it's so crazy because what I fell in love about Judah was the things that he is different in the ways that he is different than I am he's a risk-taker he's all these things but it's crazy 18 years in those can easily be the things that frustrate me about him but to realize know what I fell in love with was this man for who he is and because he's different than I am and so just checking myself through the holy spirit to not try to change him to be like me so that there isn't that friction but to really love him for who I fell in love with yeah I agree with that [Applause] in a healthy marriage how often should a couple have sex let's go [Laughter] weekly for us it rhymes with 9 I'm kidding you know it's like 2 that don't do this well I think it's I think it's a I think it's a wonderful thing what would you say Joe I would say this I think it's definitely seasonal when we were first married was different than when we first had like a newborn and a two-year-old and a four-year-old that was different than it is now that we have some teenagers there are some benefits to teenagers and a better sex life is probably one of them so I would say it changes seasonally but I think we always have to remember that sex is a gift that God gave us for intimacy in our marriage and in so many ways it feels like it just hits the reset button you know when you're just getting annoyed at little things for no reason and it just I don't there's just some friction sex to me is just a wonderful thing to just kind of hit the reset button get priorities back in order and so I think for as often is you need that then that is between your marriage for us I think because we live a fast full life it's a lot but it's great it is great I would say this I think sex is a can be a weapon obviously for evil but it can be a weapon for good and sex is an amazing way to fight the good fight of faith and whether it's temptation or whether it's just a busy season you feel like you're a part and so there are absolute seasons or child smiling like hey we need to have more sex now than ever and that is that is something I feel very strongly about in most seasons can't remember season where I haven't felt like that but that's not important good eye we feel in our marriage and I think this is biblical too that we should never withhold sex as a means for manipulation that that will never get you anywhere you want to go in your marriage and if you find yourself trying to do that you are on a probably a slippery path to a lack of intimacy when really what we all want in marriage is intimacy and sex so that's never a good thing to withhold sex to get what you want yeah and scripture is very clear that there is a season where you kind of want to pray and study and kind of not have sex that the teachings of Scripture are clear like don't do that for very long like get back together so that the devil doesn't you know have the best of you and so that is that's just you know black and white sits in Scripture so how do you know when you're ready to be a dad good Father's Day question one clap mom an obviously not a very good answer what was the how do you know when you're ready to be a dad oh gosh if you're ready to be a dad you're definitely not ready to be a dad yeah you ever met the guys like yeah man I'm I'm so ready to get married you're like oh yeah if you're running around like dude I'm so ready to be a dad once once you become a dad you're like oh you know I'm not ready and that and that's the beauty of trusting Jesus and for us the advantage we have of saying god I trust you you know first baby second baby third baby Kolby recently just your third child it's like you know now you're going from man-to-man to zone defense you know that whole thing and it's like oh wow this is uh this is a lot and then and then you're like okay I'm getting the hang of this and then puberty starts which is where we're at and you're like wait who-who are you you know why are you making those sounds so it's uh it's a continual trust and then like if you're like me because I'm loud I'm wondering like you know we've been to conferences and conventions and summits and and talks and you hear people talk about parenting and not raising your voice and I'm like I've lost I've scarred them forever and there's that part of trusting too where it's like have I have I scarred my children I guess the answer generally is probably like all of us have to an extent but you're trying to minimize that by the grace of God and so I think you know the reason we're here today is because we believe you know in in community and whether you're a believer in Jesus you know I think the fact that you're in this room believe that we need each other we need relationship and when it comes to parenting it does take a village it takes a community I believe in that I think a your life Colby coming here at 11 years old and and just the community coming around your family and you and to see community help the parenting process is obviously exhilarating to me yeah I think I in everything we've done in life parenting is the hardest most challenging thing that we feel the most under-qualified to do but I love that because that makes us dependent on God on the Holy Spirit and on each other as husband wife is a community I know there's so many single parents here that you need people alongside of you to help you and I don't think that's a bad thing I think so often we think that the goal in life is to get to a place where I've got it and I don't need any help but that's never God's goal for us God's goal for our lives is that we would always be dependent on him and that we would always be dependent on each other so that's not a bad place to be in parenting can I just say that yeah that's very klappa boy I got more claps we needed one of the favorite things my dad ever did and this is gonna sound funny is ask for forgiveness to my sister and I at any age I can remember at every single age my dad saying hey windii Judah that was wrong will you forgive me and that still sticks with me today and if I could encourage you to do anything as a dad on Father's Day is when you do toe the line or cross the line with your kids that you just own up to it same day same few minutes if you can by the grace of God and just say you know kids will you forgive me and it's it's amazing how that has bonded me with my children and also an incredible example of humility and following Jesus yeah I was reading in a leadership book that you're never gonna lose credibility for making a mistake but you will lose credibility for not owning the mistake that you made and I'm sure the same is true in parenting your kids don't expect perfection of you but if we own our mistakes that can actually gain trust with our kids instead of losing it like the USGA at the US Open ago anyways I'm sorry go ahead kind of along those lines how would you define and describe spiritual leadership in the home pastor Wendell obviously and you just this idea of spiritual leadership in the home first of all I can I say this is a is a woman I know Judah joked about me submitting which is funny I think we have a very beautiful give-and-take relationship as far as who's in charge for what but without a doubt God's plan for the home is for the husband to be the head to be the spiritual head of the home and that doesn't mean he is always in charge and he has the final word on everything but for me when we when we did our love up to that point you know it's not how you function but for me when when he and I did our wedding vows and I love the traditional wedding vows when I said to him in there too I pledge you my faith that's when I got the most emotional in our wedding because I realized as a man I am putting my faith in you that you are going to lead our home and you're going to lead it well and that I am trusting you to be the spiritual head of our home and so I really do believe that is God's plan in order for the family it doesn't mean that anybody has any less value just because Judah and I are the leaders there's this church community it doesn't mean we're any more valuable than anybody else it's just the way God set it up the same way in the family it doesn't doesn't speak to value it just speaks to role so I will let you answer that question since what was interesting at pastor Dawn's memorial service which was incredible and aunt Marlene is sitting here and and a couple of the sons are here today it was I think everyone's favorite part of the memorials service was probably two parts the four sons talking about their dad and then aunt Marlene saying I have one regret not holding his hand more telling him I love it more and we all everyone in the auditorium like grabbed each other's hands like oh my gosh I love you but to hear the four sons of Pastor Don Ostrom all reference what they saw not just what they heard their dad say but they saw him reading the Bible they saw him praying and I did too I saw my dad we we traveled I think every state in the United States of America my dad preaching other than North and South Dakota I think if I got that right and every hotel room we were in my dad wasn't trying to put on a show he would my dad loved to traditionally get on his knees at the side of his bed and pray for at least an hour and I saw my dad making God most important and that was far more powerful than all the sermons I heard my dad preach and so I think spirituality cannot be a demonstration it can't be this thing we do it has to be who we are and I think being spiritual is not just on your knees I don't I don't like to get on my knees I like to go walk sometimes or mix it up because of I'm a little distracted but spirituality is displayed in moments like asking for forgiveness in how I treat this amazing woman and so I think there's a number of different ways but I can't help but reference pastor Don and my dad who exemplified that by taking time to read or pray or listen and be and be caring so it's got to be I think much more than just attending a church service it's got to be in the life that we live and by the way I personally find the sexiest thing you do let's go is when you are when you're when you're leading our family spiritually and and I know you preach every week but you lead our family and it is so sexy it's so attractive and to me that that brings so much security as you being the head of the home to realize that yes you're the head but you come under God and you listen to God and knowing that brings so much peace and security I think for all of us is your family so thank you for doing that so well in being sexy happy Father's Day hey we've got some single people across all locations and some questions coming in like hey what about us question if you're single and looking for a spouse where do you start christianmingle.com their sponsor start doing that we are not opposed to meeting meeting online at all and I think the stigma has to just go technology can be negative but technology can be positive as well so we encourage a lot of our single friends like hey register these different you know websites that are appropriate and you know reach out but where do you start sorry Wow where do you start I'm sure we've all already started so gosh but great places to meet people I think gosh and this is gonna sound like a plug to be your hero but volunteering in church is a pretty amazing way to find somebody because you're gonna find somebody who's really like-minded and and guys like I said it's pretty sexy to see a man leading spiritually so if you want to look sexy just come door greet and and you will be very attractive so that's a great place to start great place to start and I think we have got to own the unique Christian community dynamic that's affecting the dating experience it is affecting it and sometimes not always positively and that is we all have to be a little bit more spiritual I think and grown up about the dating process and that is that one date does not mean that this someone is being asked will you marry me and I think because we are as communities of faith oriented around marriage the ultimate goal of dating is marriage as it should be right it's supposed to be preparation for marriage but but dating has become synonymous with marriage now like if you take one person out on a date you know the 22 people in the social circle are now you've put them together for life and that's just too much pressure to put on a young man or a young woman and I think we have to kind of change that a little bit in community but if someone goes on a date we like respect them and go that's so cool and we're not immediately Gotham down aisle and in a tuxedo or a dress it's like hey they went to Starbucks or they had a nice meal together they're getting to know each other and we I think when you do do a little better job of respecting single adults who are doing their best to do dating the right way we could spend all the time in the world talking about you know the responsibility of each person involved in the dating process and all that but I think as a community we could do a little bit better job at respecting like hey it's one date we could all pump the brakes a little bit and let it breathe and let that let those individuals kind of process and not spread it through the church so fast that the fear is if I date someone in church and it doesn't go well meaning we just don't like each other or we don't we don't vibe the rumor is gonna be that I mean or can you believe that he or she did this that the other and and and that's why a lot of people are like hey I'm on a date but it's not gonna be in church because in church you get you get you get barbecued for not going on another date which i think is sad because church should be one of the best places to meet like-minded individuals but the the scary thing is that if you date within the church and then you end up not dating it doesn't work out you still have to be in church together and I think that could be scary but I think the benefit of that is that can give you some really healthy boundaries while you're dating in other words your physical boundaries if you go too far physically and then it ends up not working out and you're still you know across the aisle from each other worshiping that's going to create some awkwardness and so the goal of dating is to date and so that if it doesn't work out you haven't the Bible uses the word defraud you haven't robbed somebody of something that it's going to be awkward for you to stay in community together afterwards [Applause] take the golf clap if I'm a teenager how do I handle doubting or really any age but doubting the realness of God the reality of God I think you're in a really good place if in a teenage season and you're already having that experience I think that's a really noble thing I think it's a healthy thing I think throughout scripture we see a lot of doubt now living in a permanent state of doubts probably not optimal but there are gonna be seasons they're gonna be moments I remember junior high camp I was a junior higher Twin Rocks Portland Oregon Oregon Coast and I had my you know eighth grade wait a minute what if all of this isn't real what if I just took my dad at face value and mom and what they said and do I actually know God do I believe in God and that was a very formative time powerful time where I was like well I'm gonna see for myself and so doubt becomes a problem when we when I think when we think it's a problem when you're like oh I'm doubting know what I'm doubting and and now the focus is doubt as opposed to you know what I'm gonna use this doubt to pursue to see if in fact God is real and what I love about God throughout this book is that when people are like all right show me that you're God he always is faithful and always true does it in a multiplicity of ways so be encouraged is what I would say and I think yeah be encouraged but also don't keep it to yourself yeah because that's where the devil who the Bible says that the devil is the accuser or their brother and he will come in and try to bring shame try to like see you're not a real follower of Jesus because you have this doubt and so I'd say you you can't keep it to yourself first of all talk to your parents about it parents when your kids come and talk to you about that you don't gasp you don't overreact you just really calmly stop listen ask the Holy Spirit but our teenagers we have one of the world's greatest youth ministries on the planet if I can just act like I'm making Church plugs but we were so grateful that we grew up in church and not just because the church services were amazing but because when I was 16 there were 20 year olds who loved Jesus who were willing to speak into my life who I could ask those questions to and have that here at church home every every student has a small group leader who is willing to speak into our students lives to Rhian to reiterate what you're saying as parents and so we need to make sure that we're taking advantage of that and talking to those individuals who you know when you're we feel so young but we're not young anymore we went through these things you know like 25 years ago but for our Zion to have a 20 year old to talk to who just went through these things four years ago that speaks so much more to him than our even conversation does and so that relationship is so important that our students really connect with their small group leaders and parents if I can just encourage us I know it's some extra driving I know it's some extra effort but it is so worth it to foster those relationships that our teenagers have with those amazing young adults it's amazing a lot of questions on forgiveness coming in one of which how do I handle or how do I get the courage to ask forgiveness in a situation well first of all it has it has to be said that there are many people no doubt in this room who have experienced horrific things abuse for instance of any kind and Chelsea and I have to own up the fact that by the grace of God and you know we we were born in the families we were born into and and given in many ways a head start and so I want to say before we even lean into this it is in a sense easy for me to say easy for Chelsea to say hey just forgive that person I can only imagine what people have gone through in this room and those and those watching right now it would be easy for a preacher pastor like me with what looks like an ideal life Hey easy for you to say forgive so I want to be very intentional and careful and and I do want to say that any person who has experienced abuse of any kind it is not your fault you are loved you are extraordinary and the fact that you are sitting watching this or in the room right now is extraordinary and heroic if I can say now as we talk about forgiveness the the truth of Jesus teachings remain and that is that forgiveness might be the greatest superpower of all kind of all time I read an interview recently in a magazine and and and it was about all the superhero movies and and one of the questions was what if you could have one superhero what would it be and this older gentleman in Hollywood said forgiveness and the interviewer said well I don't know if that's a super super power and he goes oh it is and he's right but but I want us to remember for those that follow Jesus the impetus for our forgiveness is what Father forgive them they don't know what they're doing in other words Jesus forgave us and I want to say this and I'll let Chelsea talk which will be much more clear and succinct but Jesus hanging on the cross remember what he says seven statements as he hangs there for six hours suffocating in his own blood in his lungs he says Father forgive them listen what he says they don't know what they're doing they sure knew where to put the nails they sure put the cross together what they put your title over your head what do you mean they don't know what they're doing I think two things is what Jesus is saying number one they don't actually understand the spiritual implications of what they're doing they actually don't understand and in number two love believes the best love speaks the best and I know this sounds astronomical but I think when when when hurt people hurt people cuz that's what they do I don't think we totally know what we're doing and love says Jesus says Father forgive them they actually don't really know what they're doing they're overcome with rage or they're overcome with lust or their overcometh they actually don't know what they're doing I release them and what's amazing about forgiveness you're not just releasing the person you're forgiving oh you're releasing yourself and it's beautiful [Applause] forgiveness really will change you and release you far more than the person you're forgiving but I love that question because it said where do I get the courage to forgive because it is so courageous to let go of something that has been hurting you something that was done to you maybe you were a victim and you did not deserve it at all or maybe you kind of didn't we never deserved pain but maybe you're in a volatile relationship and for whatever reason it requires courage to forgive and to me yes Jesus is an example of forgiveness but it's like okay he was the god man I'm not God so what do I do I love the story of Stephen in the Bible in in the in the beginning of Acts Stephen is a man he's preaching Jesus he is just trying to help people and the people didn't like the message he was preaching these days thank God you can just get up and walk out those days when they didn't like what he was preaching the religious leaders of the time began to stone him to death to where he eventually died but what I think is so crazy about stoning is that it's people standing 10 feet away hurling rocks at your body and at your head as hard as they can with the intent to hurt you and do you harm and here's Stephen he's just trying to help people and all of a sudden there's this mob that are hurling rocks at him and who were trying to kill him and eventually do kill him and we can read the story of Stephen that he to said Father forgive these people I ask that you would not let this come upon their head but that they would be forgiven but I think the key is with Stephen in that moment of what I see is some of the most amazing forgiveness in the Bible from a human is he says the heavens were open he looked up and he saw Jesus and I believe that the only way we can find the courage to forgive is to not look at ourselves to not look at the people who have hurt us or are continually hurting us in that moment but is to look up into heaven and to see Jesus and to see how much he loves us and how much he has forgiven us and that is the place that we'll find the courage to forgive and can I say one other thing about forgiveness I was one of my favorite things I like to talk about when Jesus is that you forgive somebody 70 times 7 I don't think he meant that you're gonna have to forgive somebody 490 times if you're an abusive situation you need to get out of it don't stay in that place and we believe that God's gonna give you courage to do that so you're not staying in a place where you're getting hurt over and over and over again but so often for one offense it requires forgiveness every day and so I believe sometimes you're gonna have to wake up and you forgive and you've you let it go and you release it and you forgive and then the next day circumstance is happening and you forgive again you know when your parents get divorced it hurts and you have to forgive in that moment but I think when your wedding comes around and there's all the dynamics that are taking place because of your parents divorce you're gonna have to forgive again and so I believe that we don't have to worry about in this moment I have to forgive for a lifetime no we just say in this moment I'm gonna forgive for today and we forgive for today and we do it again and again and again and we make that choice and then eventually it will be released and not be part of who we are I think we have time we'll do one more and end it with this one what's the key to managing a busy schedule with kids work church sports all of it how do you manage a full schedule well I mean personally it is relationships that I have to to check in how do you think I'm doing I don't think I would be here today if it wasn't for Leon Sandburg in terms of his mentorship he is you know serves on our board but also like a father figure sorry Leon I don't mean to make you sound old because he's very handsome but he's from Minnesota but Leon is he's kind of become as you know Colby kind of as the soul pastor on our team you know checking in with everybody how's your soul well he started doing that nine years ago when we stepped into leadership and at times making choice and I go you know get away you need to go rest and and build in margin so I just want to say right off the top having key relationships in your life pursuing those relationships saying hey will you help me if you see that I'm not I don't got this going right not enough margin or I'm not living within the tension that maybe we see in Scripture but III love what Pastor Brian Houston says as well he doesn't actually subscribe to balance seen as a pastor church life and home life it like he's constantly back there there that whatever we're doing we're doing it all in all together and that was how the Smith family was run growing up it's like if Wendy's gonna do pageants beauty pageants we all did beauty pageants we were all in and that really happened if I was gonna play ball the whole family was there I played high school football my dad got the Hat my mom kept the score did the scoreboard like we were all e'en on what we do and so when it comes to the Smith household to this day whatever we do we're all gonna do it and we're gonna be all in and they're this idea of balance or managing that I think can get a little exasperated and exhausting for us it's just being all in in the moment that's in front of us and the day that God's given us and honestly in this day and age we do we do plenty of planning but I don't know how people make it without the daily guidance of Jesus just to live the day that you have in front of you and that would be my encouragement yeah it's funny the first thing that came to my mind was a similar answer when you were talking about Leon is that I'm so grateful that we have a board of elders here at church home that take care of our church but also who Judah and I submit our schedule to our life our decisions now we don't submit like the kids softball schedule but but they part of the job of the board here is to oversee our schedule and making sure we're okay and I know that we don't not everybody has a board but I think everybody can't have somebody that you allow to speak into your life that maybe your one sport too many or who is that person who can tell you hey you know what you're spreading yourself too thin and it's starting to wear on your marriage that we can all have somebody who can speak that into our lives to keep us in check and keep us in balance and to make sure that we're doing okay in life and I think the the last thought I totally lost so can I can I jump in I think it was I think it was the Lord yeah it's like a Josie you really had it it was just kidding kind of but um I I think I love the story of Jesus and it's it's not often but but but the Greeks if I can say like that you know the the Greek contingency comes to see Jesus and and tells a couple the disciples so they go together and they go hey Jesus some some Greek people are here they want to see you and he goes now and you're like what like you're here to save people you can't cancel meetings or or say no to people but Jesus was giving us an extraordinary example why is that story in there it shows the purpose and passion and single-mindedness of the savior to go to the cross yes but it also shows us a very important component in in adding margin and rest in our life and that is there are times even as a pastor you have to say no to people you love and you just have to say no and the the delineation I love to make is what's temporary what's eternal what's temporary what's eternal don't take this personally but being the lead pastor of church home is temporal that's temporal for me this is a this is an office that I hold temporarily what's eternal is our relationships what's eternal is this woman what's eternal are my babies what's eternal is friendship and relationship like I said and so making those delineations at times when it when you know you're in a rock and a hard place and you're like what should i do what should I not do sometimes you can say I'm gonna choose the eternal and not the temporal and so preaching at church home is the lead pastor is is temporal building relationships loving caring is eternal and I want to thank Leon and the board for helping us oftentimes make that delineation but again I want to remind you what we said earlier around the Garden of Eden there is a necessary now it's built into the original environment that you could and some would argue that you should but you say no and you know what's what's what's difficult is the know nobody's ever gonna understand your know you think the Greeks walked away gone I really like that guy it makes sense why you canceled our meeting or wouldn't see us no they walked way going he's the Messiah yeah right he won't even talk to us so you're gonna be misunderstood but of course it's a it's a price that's worth paying so that you can protect what's eternal yeah and thank you for saying that which reminded me of what my last thought was our mom and we're good tandem that I we need to make sure there was work in the Garden of Eden and God's ultimate environment is work so work is not a curse but if when we see that once Adam sinned and God's judgment came down what changed striving all of a sudden Adam and Eve went from working to striving and God's plan is never for us to strive and if I can just be really honest if you feel like you're packing your schedule your family schedule so full because you're striving to find an identity for your kids and sports or an identity for yourself and success that's not going to lead to the healthy schedule and family that you want so I think sometimes we need to have honest thoughts and conversations with ourselves why am I doing this why am i doing all these things am i trying to get my identity out of this or is my identity rooted in God and then everything I do is just an overflow and a joy because I love working and that responsibility so I think that self check is very helpful and if I could conclude like this I think I'll go in close babe so I'm so you brought a friend today and they're like what is this church what I love about Jesus and will conclude here and maybe give an opportunity for anyone who'd like to begin the journey of following Jesus today Jesus provides this new way to be alive in a new way to be be human and one of the big ideas behind the transformative power of Jesus Christ behold I make all things new Jesus says he's come that we might have life and life more abundantly part of the abundant life and the new life is this fear free anxiety free stress free now does that mean all Christians are fear free anxiety we shouldn't know but we have the opportunity to be we don't have to live under this constant striving comparison competitive keeping up with the billions of Joneses in the world now via social media that's actually not the way of Jesus Jesus says come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for your soul rest in the deepest part of who you are and I don't mean this as a slight bite by any means but I can't imagine life this life this fast-paced competitive comparing marketplace world social experience that technology has advanced I can't imagine living in 2018 without rest for my soul from Jesus coming at the end of the day amen at the end of the day Chelse and I are just a couple doing our best you know to manage family life and professional life and all those things but the distinguisher the difference-maker there's always Jesus it's what it's what has saved this home time and time again and a love of the message Bible says are you weary are you worn-out are you tired of religion are you tired of tradition are you tired of formalities are you tired of going through the motion come to me Jesus says and I'll show you how to take a real rest his yoke is easy his burden is light the teachings of Jesus are not go to church dress like dress the right way smell the right way and don't costs and don't smoke and don't you know tradition religion customs Jesus says are you broken are you weary are you exhausted are you tired are you worn out burned out come to me and I'll give you purpose I'll show you who you really are I'll redeem you I will pay the ultimate price for your air you're wrong and your sin and my favorite scripture in the whole Bible is he who knew no sin became sin so that you and I might become the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ which means our soul now can be reconnected to the one who designed this and created us in the first place and that's where your soul finally exhales that's where your soul is finally reconnected in the arms of God and says hey no matter what happens in this life though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for he is with me he's inside of me he's upon me and that's why Christians aren't different in terms of what we go through it's how we go through it it's how we go through it and we go through it in the arms of Jesus he's the difference maker not what we we're not how we smell not even necessarily how we speak it is the person of Jesus it is the goodness of Jesus it is the grace of Jesus that has changed our life and so I'm wondering today if maybe there's individuals here who would like to make that decision we'd like to give you that opportunity and so what I'm gonna ask in this moment is if we would just close our eyes just for a moment of privacy and whether you're here in the building or at another location or even watching online we want to give you this opportunity to make this decision today for the Bible says God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes or receives Him shall not perish but have everlasting life if you want that eternal life that only Jesus offers if you want the forgiveness that only Jesus offers and you want to have a right relationship with him forever and ever without end I'm gonna ask you to respond in this moment in fact I'm gonna count to three when I get to three if you'd like to receive Jesus I'm gonna ask you to lift up your hand and put it right back down say this nearly every time we gather as a community the reason I ask you to do that is I believe when you respond on the outside to what's happening on the inside it just makes it more real to you you know who you are I don't believe it's an accident you're here today on Father's Day God loves you so much if you'd like to make that decision I'll count to three and you can shoot your hand put it right back down one two three if that's you would you put your hand up and I'd like to make that decision thank you thank you thank you amazing amazing amazing just lift up your hand put it right back down God thank you for every single hand raised in this building well we know it represents an eternal soul that is now forgiven covered and connected to you forever and ever without end oh we love you Jesus we thank you for what you're doing in our church and Lord today I pray a special blessing over the fathers in this community I pray a blessing over spiritual fathers those that may not even have natural children but they they act as fathers in the community caring and loving and directing and leading but I pray a blessing over the fathers of church home father I pray you'd grant them the desires of their heart continue to give them the courage to lead wherever they lead and lead in their homes god I thank you Lord for fulfillment and contentment and rest and peace for every father in church home we declare you are blessed and what God is blessed no man can curse and we thank you for that today bless our homes bless our families and we thank you God we can look forward to what is ahead for you have good things in store for us in Jesus name in Jesus name would you say Amen with me amen if you're physically able or willing would you stand with us and let's join the band now and let's sing out to Jesus this morning hey everybody thank you so much for watching our YouTube channel to be honest it really means a lot it's kind of overwhelming to consider that you take time out of your life to listen to us tell the story of Jesus if you haven't already you can subscribe right here to the channel and get more of God's incredible love for you and his story of grace again I can't say it enough thank you so much for watching and hopefully we can do this again real soon

Channel: Churchome

Views: 136,925

Rating: 4.8752909 out of 5

Keywords: Churchome, Judah, Judah smith, church, message, anxiety, depression, how to, elevation, Steven, Hillsong, oceans, sermon, the city church, church home, Chelsea smith, bobby Houston, td jakes, pastor, pastor preaching, Jesus, conference, guest speaker, sermon jam, worship, Justin Bieber, Selena, preaching, Judah message, performance, SEX, LIFE, Q&A, QUESTIONS, ANSWERS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, PARETNING, TITHING, SEXUAL, DATING, BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, SEARCHING, SEX LIFE, MARRIAGE BED, ABUSE, FORGIVENESS

Id: 3EUtCDmlIMo

Length: 57min 11sec (3431 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 18 2018