Sex and the City - Why It Should Have Been Aidan, Not Big

this video is sponsored by nordvpn that takes favorite way to stay safe online go to nordvpn.com the take to start protecting yourself I love you Carrie there's no one I could love more I want to live my life with you and just like that the epilogue to Sex in the City retconned Mr big into the perfect partner but we couldn't help but wonder if Carrie actually wanted domestic Bliss shouldn't she really have ended up with Aiden of course Carrie dates a number of men on the show but for most viewers her romantic fate boiled down to a binary choice between rugged sweet devoted Aiden and debonair complicated hard to get Mr Big everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life Aiden and big one two and according to you I'm done as the show's executive producer Michael Patrick King put it I say one question big or Aiden and there's usually a split they represent two very different male characters and they represent two different things to her here in my arms was a guy who wanted to make my home better and somewhere out there was a guy who wanted to pull it apart Aiden ultimately embodies love as potential for growth compromise and building something steadily over time but Carrie Ops instead for what big rep presents love is a glamorous prize you don't think you're worthy of which if you're lucky and wait long enough might suddenly fall in your lap for Years big was the unattainable rich guy never quite sure if he wanted to be with Carrie who brought out her most self-indulgent self-destructive habits and thoughts and just like that's re-ray of big into an ultra supportive husband seems to have been magically off screen but it was with Aiden that viewers saw Carrie actually working through her own commitment issues to understand the reality of what partnership entails this is hard we're going to run into stuff that's hard that's what I was trying to help here's our take on why if marriage was what Carrie truly wanted growing old with Aiden would have made more sense but secretly it seems like Carrie really prefers to be alone I miss walking into my apartment with no one there and it's all quiet and I can do that stuff you do when you're totally alone [Music] if you're new here be sure to subscribe and click the Bell to be notified about all of our new videos because you're a good man really good man Aiden is Carrie's one who got away and he also refers to her in these terms in Sex in the City too my wife showed me something on the Internet you know she always kind of kept one eye on You The One That Got Away usually the one who got away figure is someone who's thrilling in the short term but wouldn't make sense in the long run but Aiden is the opposite he's a rare example of the sensible one who got away who's dependable and good you make me really happy he got away because she chose not to follow that path Aiden haunts Carrie as her ghost of boyfriend's past continuing to show up even long after their breakup like in The Second Sex in the City movie and he's such a powerful figure for her because she and we can easily imagine an alternate future not taken where he didn't get away at all if she had just made different decisions from the moment we meet him in season three Aiden is framed as pretty much perfect that's great perfect actually John Corbett was initially only supposed to be in a few episodes of the show but according to Sarah Jessica Parker he was just so good and so different and so present on camera it threw us for a loop it's easy to see why fans fell for Aiden he's gorgeous and kind with the profession as a Furniture maker that combines authenticity personal passion and working with one's hands with natural materials and his kiss makes Carrie weak in the knees his behavior also sets him up immediately as the anti-big he asks carry out the first time they meet and doesn't play any Mind Games can I take you out to dinner sometime whereas Bigg's early relationship with Carrie is characterized by mystery and miscommunication he also loves her in the light of day not hiding her away like a shameful secret the way big did when Carrie first says I love you to Big in season two his response is I'll just wait for you outside but Aiden bravely tells Carrie he loves her first I love you Carrie ironically it's all of Aiden's perfect qualities that are a problem for Carrie you always say the right things she finds herself panicking about the lack of conflict between them and comes to an important realization that she craves relationship drama maybe you don't believe it's for real unless somebody's playing hard to get it's something that we've seen in Carrie's character all along in the season 2 episode The Freak Show she becomes convinced that the normal seeming guy she's dating must have something wrong with him and rips apart his apartment in search of evidence but Carrie's Behavior with Aiden is also deeply shaped by how scarred she is from Big rejecting her and abruptly marrying younger woman Natasha when Aiden first tells Carrie he loves her her reaction is revealing I have become lovable and even though their relationship seems to be going great her unresolved feelings for big and the still hurting emotional wounds he's given her lead her to cheat on Aiden with big and break her new Love's heart because Aiden is such a perfect boyfriend carries destruction of their relationship also takes away her sense of herself as a good person I'm just afraid the way I treated him is going to haunt me the rest of my life Emily Nussbaum has called Carrie the unacknowledged first female anti-hero on television but it's really through her infidelity that Carrie enters into this blurry moral territory you broke my heart before this her anti-hero Deeds don't go far beyond smoking and being neurotic about big then through this storyline in season three she wounds two innocent people Natasha whose discovery of a post-coital carry in her apartment Spurs a matching physical trauma she lost a tooth and needed a stitch in her lip and her biggest victim Aiden after the affair it gets worse Carrie persuades Aiden to get back together with her despite his reservations but refuses to end her friendship with the guy she cheated on him with she continues to have fancy steak dinners with big while Aiden's out of town and even invites her ex to Aiden's Country Cabin it's behavior that would make almost anyone seriously uncomfortable and make it feel impossible to restore trust in their relationship Carrie accepts Aiden's marriage proposal even though it feels off only to devastate him again can't believe I'm back here again we later find out all this left Aiden unable to get out of bed for a month and it's thanks to this plot that carries status as an anti-heroine is secure you can protect your data using nordvp again the best VPN in the game click the link in our description below nordvpn.com the take to get a huge discount on a two-year plan of nordvpn plus one additional month free nordvpn is the key to keeping your online activity protected and private all of your internet data stays safe behind a wall of Next Generation encryption and their strict no logs policy means they don't track collect or share your private data because they know it's none of their business nordvpn also masks your IP address so you can keep your browsing to yourself and no one can track what you do online another huge plus you can use nordvpn to connect to foreign servers to watch content from around the world click the link in our description below nordvpn.com the take to get a fantastic deal on nordvpn now plus that free bonus month it's risk-free with nordvpn's 30-day money-back guarantee from a personal development standpoint the key reason Kerry should have chosen Aiden is that he was her growth opportunity the person who truly pushed her to evolve on the original show Carrie's three friends all end up with an unexpected partner who challenges them in a healthy way after Charlotte meets her supposed Prince Charming tray but discovers that he only looks the part my marriage is a fake Fendi she's surprised to find herself falling for her divorce lawyer Harry a process that requires her to let go of her superficial ideas about who she should be with Harry was bald and he talked with his mouth full but I loved him anyway Samantha Dodges emotional intimacy for most of the series but one of the first times she is tempted to truly commit is with successful arrogant won't be tied down Richard just like Trey for Charlotte or big for Carrie Richard embodies all the qualities that come easily to Samantha and which she maybe Prides herself on but which really played to her vanities without addressing her growth opportunities eventually it's younger less Alpha Man Smith who challenges Samantha to be more emotionally vulnerable and push herself into new territories I'm shaving my head all right it's scary and awful and you can't handle it who says I can't handle it let me be here for you similarly Miranda may think that the polished Dr robber is the best on paper match for her but her cynical worldly side feels more challenged by less intellectual more positive and emotionally available Steve can you for one second believe that maybe I'm not some full of [ __ ] guy then maybe I do like you then again in and just like that when her relationship with Steve has become stagnant are we a couple or just roommates with ice cream and a kid the need for a partner who challenges her to explore undiscovered sides of herself is why she's so drawn to Che I kept hearing your voice in my head saying change all of these plots for Carrie's three friends emphasize that ideal romances help us to become more well-rounded people often through the discomfort of exposing key areas that have been lacking in our lives for Carrie Aiden is this loving yet challenging match early in their courtship he urges her to give up smoking to really get to know him before they sleep together so it's more meaningful and to meet his parents these are all big but good steps for Carrie who's not used to building relationships with emotional vulnerability and conscious steps toward commitment Aiden's refusal to indulge Kerry's smoking signifies that he likes her but isn't drawn to her self-destructive Tendencies I don't want to be a jerk but I I can't date a smoker Carrie smoking is linked to Big not only is it a habit the two of them share but smoking all also represents big himself in that both are toxic addictions for her we always used to share a cigarette together we did a lot of things that were bad for me together both make her obsessive and unable to think about anything else and her struggle to quit cigarettes mirrors the difficulty of quitting big as underlined by the fact that she starts smoking again as soon as their Affair begins I'm having an affair with big and also I'm smoking again multiple times Kerry explicitly Likens the relationship to an addiction I had slept in figs in my sex sheets for two days and like any good junkie I knew how to hide the evidence then my addiction found me hello and the double meaning in this scene where Carrie first thinks Aiden knows about the affair are you cheating but he's really just asking if she's smoking again tells us that Carrie does want to get clean are you gonna quit I really want to yeah over the course of the show while she does eventually leave cigarettes behind she never manages to free herself from her big addiction Carrie's experience with Aiden vs Big May remind us of Don Draper's choice between two very different romantic Partners on Mad Men in season four Don is dating the mature and age-appropriate Dr Fay who represents the prospect of true change and growth Dawn opens up honestly and vulnerably to Faye and takes their relationship slowly I'm just gonna take you to your door they established such intimacy and trust that Dawn even confesses his backstory to her revealing his true self but in the season finale Don does an about face and proposes to his young secretary Megan who sees him not as he is but as he wants to be seen people were kind of like rooting for Dr Faye hoping that Don would grow why would he marry the younger woman who saw him as the man he wanted to be why would he do that so through fellow TV anti-heroes Carrie and Dawn we see how daunting it is to do the hard work of dealing with who you are in order to change and the reality that when faced with this opportunity opportunity many people will simply backslide into their old self-defeating habits once Carrie and Aiden are back together in season four Carrie is again pushed to evolve this time through the not always fun compromises a relationship entails we see the growing pains Carrie goes through and the maturity required in facing those trade-offs that are part of what make relationships meaningful that's when I realized I was holding on to a Roberto Cavalli outfit and throwing away my relationship okay it goes over time though Kerry reveals that she doesn't really want to do this work this might explain why her relationship with famous artist Alexander petrovsky and especially Big's dramatic Declaration of love in the series finale are so appealing to her Carrie you're the one in the end big gives her the exciting glittery rom-com moment she wants with perfect Paris as the backdrop it's a spontaneous picturesque event where what she long fantasized about is handed to her and it lacks any of that consistent long-term sometimes boring emotional Workshop she was doing with Aiden while Carrie's romantic endpoint is framed as happy it also feels disappointing because she remains static even regressing into what's easiest for her but not her best self and she's the only one in her friend group who ultimately doesn't overcome a more limited partnership option which indulges in inner vanity in favor of something that's less glamorous but real something in Carrie decides not to choose growth is a very strong Aid and lady out there who likes a man who is supportive and their and present there's the Mr Big ladies who like the challenge Oscar Wilde wrote in his 1892 play Lady windermere's fan in this world there are only two tragedies one is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it the last is much the worst the last is a real tragedy with big Carrie always acted as though she was fighting for commitment and crushed when she didn't receive it why is it so hard for you to Factor me into your life in any real way but her behavior with Aiden reveals something important there's a big part of her that doesn't want marriage or a stable loving relationship at least not anytime soon Aiden's offering up both his parents on a silver platter and I'm not sure I want to meet them the season 3 episode drama queens underlines that Carrie is actually a lot more like big than she may have thought the irony is Aiden's acting exactly the way I wish big would have behaved and I'm behaving just like big we could also interpret her cheating on Aiden with big as an act of sabotage to wreck her devoted partnership when they're back together in season four Carrie finds the engagement ring Aiden is planning to propose with and throws up this blatant psychosomatic reaction is the first sign of her deep ambivalence about marriage her hating the ring itself also makes her fear whether he's truly her soul match Aiden should have known that that ring wasn't me how can I marry a guy who doesn't know which ring is me but Carrie also hates the presence big buys for her it was just wrong it was wrong after Aiden proposes notably with a different nicer ring and she says yes to avoid hurting him Carrie's next challenge is sharing a living space with Aiden her dislike of his clutter in her apartment is a rejection of seeing the two of them as a unit she still thinks in terms of mine versus his rather than ours your stuff your bathroom you always do that you never want to let me in Carrie finds herself feeling smothered by Aiden's constant presence and longing for her single self-cherished alone time this clash between her Single Sex columnist identity and her new identity as a bride to be comes out even more as Carrie wants to continue enjoying New York nightlife while her homebody fiance prefers to stay in she also starts wearing her engagement ring around her neck rather than on her finger not ready for the world to see her as someone who's off the dating Market on some level she's still trying to have it both ways I haven't even mentioned it going on with you same old same old just writing galavanting eating you know the usual Harry what we're getting the most important thing after she avoids any planning that would make the wedding real the sight of herself in a wedding dress leads her to have a panic attack and break out in a rash she's finally able to articulate just how uncomfortable she is with this level of commitment my body is literally rejecting the idea of marriage and as Aiden begins literally and figuratively breaking down her wall while combining Carrie's apartment with the one next door Carrie finally admits she's not ready for marriage for the foreseeable future how much time do you need end of the year which year looking back we can see that Carrie wanting big could be read as actually wanting to be in a relationship that gives her plenty of space to be alone she performs frustration with big always keeping her at arm's length yet the inherent distance he always maintains is a semi-unattainable love interest and a mysterious secret keeping person gives her the freedom to do her own thing Biggs being so unavailable also turns him into a prize she has to chase so she's not really thinking about whether she wants each step of commitment or not in the Sex in the City movie Carrie's happily engaged to big though revealingly more focused on a Vogue shoot than how her groom is feeling about things another sign she's more fixated on the symbolism of Landing him when he gets cold feet on their wedding day her line [Music] implies that on some level she knowingly chose a guy she believed wouldn't follow through another part of Big's appeal seems to be his money which likewise allows her an extreme level of Freedom can can we afford this I got it even though Aiden does have the money to buy Carrie's apartment and the one next door this is still a big difference from the palatial apartment carrying big are living in together in the First Sex in the City movie and of course big doesn't need to ask Carrie to make room in her closet for his stuff he can just give her the massive closet space of her dreams in the brief view of their married life we see in and just like that big has at last transformed into the amazing partner Carrie always longed for him to be revealingly though this happened almost entirely off screen and just like that I remembered how much I loved the last 15 years and spoiler warning as soon as we meet up with them in this era of marital bliss big dies the story can't really handle Carrie being happy with big for an extended time on screen because it's not the reality we live through for so many seasons it's a one-dimensional fantasy and already by Biggs will reading we're once again seeing Carrie thrust back into a state of insecurity over some mysterious thing big did one million dollars Natasha his ex-wife it's this scary neurotic not able to trust big venting about him to her friends and actually really alone who's familiar and natural to us I've been spiraling all day about him and Natasha that's why and just like that realizes his only path forward is to get Carrie back on her own and just like that I walked myself home ultimately the real reason Carrie doesn't end up with Aiden is that the show won't let her so often shows that set up an idea of an OTP or one true pairing early in their run feel they can't diverge from that no matter how badly the couple has hurt each other and how much they've changed over the course of the series in many of these stories the runner-up love interest is used to embody an alternate path almost an opposite to the true love which the main character rejects the minute I kissed Aiden I remembered who I used to be someone just running around New York like a crazy person trying to get the one man I love to love me back and in service of that end game it's a common tactic for the runner-up love interest to abruptly become vindictive and unrelatable once it's clear they're not going to be the one as if to confirm the main characters making the right choice just look at how sexy and sex and City's robber inexplicably pivots from perfect boyfriend to malicious ex to Miranda after she chooses Steve I hope you understand when you're getting my bill your bill for services rendered you know my stud fee similarly there are really two aidens on the show pre and post cheating when Aiden reappears in season four he's had a physical makeover that Carrie loves the tummy is gone that thing last week he looked disturbingly good but also an emotional one her betrayal has brought out a bitter Edge in him give me a good morning kiss you might want to brush your teeth first on one level it reminds us how much big herd and carry led to carry hurting Aiden and how this emotional poison is passed on yet there's also a revisionism at play here suddenly making Aiden resentful and jealous is meant to change our view of him as that too good to be true wonderful guy he was if anything though this may make us look back even more nostalgically on pre-cheating Aiden and the healthy relationship he and Carrie could have had he was warm masculine and classic American just like his furniture Sex in the City may have wanted to resolve with Carrie getting her big prize of the Happy Ever After but the actuality of this character's Behavior did not indicate she wanted a calm settled somewhat boring married life if she had she could have taken that chance with Aiden whereas choosing big was despite the later rewriting really about choosing something else in the true style of her anti-heroine Legacy it was the choice not to grow I miss New York take me home this is the take on your favorite movie shows and culture subscribe so you can watch all of our videos [Music] [Music]

Channel: The Take

Views: 328,301

Keywords: sex and the city, aidan, big, movie, and just like that, hbo, sarah jessice parker, carrie bradhsaw, smanatha jones, kim cattrall, kristin davis, charolette york, cynthia nixon, miranda hobbes, chris north, mr. big, aidan shaw, john corbett, the office, mad men, betty, joan, don draper, friends, ross, rachel, emily, runner up love interest, stepping stone love interest

Id: X6UlZ4rWlSA

Length: 21min 19sec (1279 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 29 2022