The Betrayal of Sex and the City's Ending, Explained

you're the loves of her life and a guy's just lucky to come in forth the thesis of sex in the city seems to be that women don't need to be defined by marriage did you ever think that maybe we're the white knights and we're the ones that have to save ourselves from its premiere in 1998 through six subsequent seasons the show suggested that women could get everything they needed from their friends maybe we could be each other's soul mates and then we could let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with so many viewers found it startling when the series finale directly contradicted the proposition the show had seemingly set out to prove in the end carrie finally lands the big prize of mr big the commitment phobe who's been giving her the runaround for years no i'm still in shock this is so surreal what and not only that all four women's storylines focus on their committed relationships with men even the show's creator darren starr said i think the show ultimately betrayed what it was about which was that women don't ultimately find happiness from marriage for me the show is really about the fact that women don't need to be defined by men or by marriage likewise candice bushnell author of the semi-autobiographical columns and book the show is inspired by has said that carrie and big wouldn't end up together in real life as she didn't end up with her mr big you and i are like that red wall it's a good idea in theory but somehow doesn't quite work so what message did the show's writers send with this rom-com fairy tale conclusion here's our take on how sex in the city's ending disproved the progressive argument that it initially proposed and what it left us with instead i believe that there's that one perfect person out there to complete if you're new here be sure to subscribe and hit the bell to be notified about all of our new videos thank you to noom for sponsoring today's video noom is a program that uses psychology and science to help people live the healthy fulfilling lives they deserve nume gives you all the tools you need to do this a personal goal specialist a like-minded group of peers to cheer you on and countless tips on cooking and joyful movement to start living your healthiest life click the link in our description below and take noom's free online evaluation quiz the conclusion of sex in the city speaks to a broader tradition in fiction that women's stories must end in marriage three daughters married oh mr belly god has been very good to us the marriage plot which focuses on the rituals of courtship leading to the happy ending of a wedding has long dominated stories about women from the 18th to 19th century novels of jane austen the brontes and george eliot through to the iconic romcom movies of today so is this moment everything you hoped for no it's more it's much more sex in the city seemed to promise that it would disrupt the long-running trend of the marriage plot ending maybe some women aren't meant to be taped maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with but for all its lip service to independence the show ultimately reinforced societal fears of and prejudices against permanent single dumb the final season gives us a cautionary tale of what happens to the perpetually single party girl lexi featherston was one of new york's legendary party girls who always ended up on page six because of her bar hopping and her bed hopping in one of the series darkest moments the writers show us the fate of the unmarried woman playing into that old literary cliche that the only alternative for women who can't find happiness in married life is death no one's fun anymore whatever happened to fun god i'm so bored i could die witnessing this incident is one of the things that fuels carrie's decision to follow alexander petrovsky to paris i want to go to paris so it's clear that her actions as the show nears its resolution are driven in part by palpable fear about how she's going to end up i can stay here and write about my life or i can go with him and live my life meanwhile back in the show's second season the women discussed the idea of urban relationship myths unbelievable fairy tales concocted by women to make their love lives seem less hopeless in this scene and in the series as a whole sex in the city positioned itself as something of an anti-rom-com espousing a cynical view of the hackneyed tropes often seen in on-screen love stories i write a column based on the assumption that romance is either dead or just phony in the end however big finally changing his ways and chasing after carrie to paris is exactly the sort of fictional myth the women were scornful of just a few seasons earlier i can't lose you again i love you he embodies the urban myth of the man who never wanted to commit but then suddenly finally changes his mind the one about the guy who couldn't commit and then one night she comes walking home and he's standing there in front of her door with an engagement ring and he says marry me there's a semi-absurdity and big realizing carrie is the one just in time to make a big romantic gesture to close out a series that largely set out to dispel relationship cliches it took me a really long time to get here but i'm here carrie you're the one then there's the final scene of the show let's take a closer look carrie's closing monologue attempts to encourage one of sex and the city's central ongoing themes self-love but the most exciting challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself but the scene itself completely undercuts and undermines this sentiment because in the exact moment that carrie is telling the audience that the relationship they have with themselves is the most important one of all she's literally interrupted by a phone call from her boyfriend and if you find someone to love the you you love hi well that's just fabulous the second portion of the final line may be phrased almost like an afterthought implying that finding a partner is secondary to loving yourself by ending on that note though the scene clearly puts the emphasis on the relationship with a romantic partner rather than the one you have with yourself carrie is also not the only one who gets the typical marriage plot resolution as she delivers her final monologue we also see a short montage of her three best friends each experiencing her own happy ending involving being partnered with a man charlotte has to overcome the overly rigid fairy tale vision she initially had for her life her dream man her backup dream man but once she does this she ends up married to the man she really loves with the baby on the way that's this conclusion to charlotte's arc makes sense since marriage and family have long been her deepest desires but it does still reinforce a couple of common relationship myths too like the one popular with men that the gorgeous woman must fall for the traditionally unattractive guy believe me i never thought a shiksa goddess like you would fall for a putts like me you're not a putts and in the movie charlotte perpetuates the myth of the woman struggling with fertility who gets pregnant as soon as she stops trying i'm pregnant how you know how people always say that when you stop trying it can happen much more jarringly miranda and samantha end up in similar places to charlotte and these end points represent major priority shifts from where they began i never leave underwear at a guy's place because i never see it again what happens to it nothing i just never go back miranda the most feminist and independent member of the group how does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends has long been proud of her successful career as a lawyer and the fact that she's able to support herself financially i want to enjoy my success not apologize for it she's pushed back against a world that frequently challenges or tries to shame her for not being more traditionally feminine i've got the money i've got a great job and i still get it's just you now they're threatened buying a place alone means you don't need a man i don't but in the end we might say her story corresponds to the urban myth that the career-minded woman must inevitably settle down to be a wife and mother by the series finale she's moved to brooklyn in order to do what's best for her family and her story in the final episode revolves around caring for steve's ailing mother it's cold while this ability to change and learn to care for others represents growth for miranda miranda's ending can also be read as a loss of the person she really is and it sends the message that a woman's growth has to equal her abandoning her autonomy in order to put others first and focus on becoming a caregiver what you did that is love throughout the show's run samantha has been even more independent than miranda on the romantic front intentionally resisting monogamy and marriage i think i have monogamy i must have caught it from you people but she too ends up succumbing to the pull of a traditional monogamous relationship with smith do you know that i didn't [ __ ] a single or married guy the whole time smith was out of town and i'll tell you something else i missed him so we could interpret her conclusion as reinforcing the myth of the sexually adventurous woman who was just waiting for the right man to settle down with like miranda's storyline sam's arc of opening up to emotional attachment could be seen as growth but this also implies that improvement means settling down with one person and that no woman really desires sexual liberation forever in the first sex in the city movie samantha's problematic ending is rectified when sam leaves smith in favor of focusing on herself and this resolution feels truer to her character i love you but i love me more and i've been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that's the one i need to work on the marriage plot ending of the sex and the city finale begs the question of what audiences really want to see many viewers no doubt did enjoy seeing their beloved characters happily enjoying the comforts of devoted partnership and family but is this in part because women have long been taught to fear remaining unmarried i hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a loser leper or ultimately by concluding all the characters story lines with the man at the center sex in the city just ends up adding to the countless voices that suggest a woman's journey is only complete once she unites with the right guy everyone needs a man [Music] a major focus of sex in the city's two-part finale is on finally resolving carrie's search for her own identity when carrie follows alexander petrovsky to paris she leaves her true self behind in new york this is represented visually in her fashion choices which are unlike the funky and offbeat outfits we're used to seeing her wear i want to arrive stunning and impossibly fresh looking and it's also symbolically underlined when she loses her iconic carry nameplate necklace which pretty obviously represents the loss of herself it costs like nothing but it it's it's priceless i'm i've just had it forever so in a deleted scene she even leaves her laptop behind in favor of packing an hermes scarf from petrovsky considering how much of her identity is wrapped up in her career as a writer this symbolizes her giving up her inner self to become purely a decorative item for a man you can't quit your column it's who you are in contrast to how much she's erased herself for petrovsky and paris her reunion with big is supposed to read as a reunion with the person she really is big is equated with the city of new york repeatedly throughout the series you can't leave new york you're the chrysler building he was like the city itself and this makes him in part a symbol of her love for the city where she truly feels at home and most herself i miss new york take me home at the same time though earlier in the series carrie admits that she's not herself with beg you should see me around him i'm not like me i'm like together carrie sometimes i catch myself actually posing it's just it's exhausting she also expresses that he doesn't get her and wants her to be something she is not well don't be a [ __ ] i'm not being a [ __ ] i'm just reading myself over time big seems to confirm carrie's fears that he's embarrassed of her and doesn't see her as the kind of person he should be with you have me in a niche certain events certain restaurants certain people like i'm only a particular fragment of the kind of person you think that you should be dating he refuses carrie's pleas to commit but rushes into marrying the superficially perfect 20-something natasha and while he keeps coming back to carrie and finding himself irresistibly drawn to her i'm talking about us life's too short what are we doing he also repeatedly pulls away whenever the idea of a forever union gets too real i knew a big's heart had closed again so in the finale while it's clear that petrovsky doesn't make room in his life for the real carry she simply trades him for another man who has historically done the same thing over and over again why is it so hard for you to factor me into your life in any real way throughout the show we see carrie crafting her own story as a writer setting the expectation that she will be the one controlling the narrative for carrie she was a writer too that's the thrill of her she loved the idea of trying to form her life into little short stories in a woman's right to shoes carrie declares that she is registering for a wedding to herself i wanted to let you know that i'm getting married to myself after realizing how much money she has spent on celebrating the milestones of others think about it if you are single after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you but carrie's marriage to herself is short-lived and her ending contradicts the sense the show built of her as an individual shaping her own story big seeks her out and shows up like a knight in shining armor to surprise her thus taking away her agency and how her story concludes i made it i took care of this myself i don't need you to rescue me listen i'm clocking this corner and there's nothing you can do to stop [Music] the new yorker's emily nussbaum called carrie bradshaw the first female anti-hero on television observing that carrie was supposed to be an unlikable protagonist a rule that female characters had rarely gotten to fill in fiction before this point you're at biggs you and i are having dinner tonight well he got this veal you blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat when viewing carrie through this lens you can argue the writers were not necessarily giving us a character to root for and relate to but rather one who challenged us by being deeply flawed and not always sympathetic i spent 40 000 on shoes and i have no place to live i will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes your typical rom-com heroine would not have an affair with a married man i slept with big last week you're having an affair while herself in a loving relationship with a devoted boyfriend what about aiden yes exactly what about aiden i would die if he found out she also wouldn't later push that same boyfriend to get back together with her only to break his heart again i can't believe i'm back here again much of the time sex in the city portrays carrie's relationship with big as less of a story of true love than as an addiction maybe all men are a drug sometimes they bring you down and sometimes like now they get you so high this relationship comes across as something carrie is unable to escape rather than something that truly fulfills her you said you loved me i do and why does it hurt so much in the second season she herself explicitly questions whether her feelings were big were real or if she was just obsessed with the masochistic pain of being with him did i ever really love big or was i addicted to the pain the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable when it comes to big carrie becomes anxious and obsessive honey you're obsessed with talking about big and frankly we can't take it anymore out of our league what is this an intervention yes stop her before she obsesses again both she and her friends are aware that he brings out the worst in her every time you get near him you turn into this pathetic needy insecure victim and the thing that pisses me off the most is that you're more than willing to go right back for more and especially in today's current cultural context the scene where their affair begins is more unsettling than enticing i made a mistake i love you carrie's other major addiction is cigarettes which she indulges in when she's with big a link that underscores that this man is one of her major self-destructive tendencies we always used to share a cigarette together we did a lot of things that were bad for me together by ending the series with carrie and big together the writers are telling us that rather than a healthy secure love what carrie is actually looking for is pain strife and drama we're raised to believe that the course of true love never runs smoothly do we need drama to make a relationship work throughout her relationship with big carrie expresses simply wanting him to commit to her and acknowledge his special feelings for her just tell me i'm the one you don't have to tell your mother or the whole world just just tell me and the payoff of the final episode is that at long last these desires are fulfilled but while carrie thinks this is what she wants she's actually shown on multiple occasions that she in fact thrives on big's constant rejections maybe i'm just not used to being with someone who doesn't do the ever seductive withholding dance when she meets aiden she's put off by how kind and considerate he is as well as the fact that he willingly gives her attention this relationship cannot just sail on like it is perfect because frankly i can't take the pressure aiden is not withholding and therefore she's bored because she already has him it feels odd you know i'm i'm used to the uh you know the hunt and this is effortless it's just it's freaking me out not surprisingly carrion big's toxic pattern continues after the happily ever after they get in the show's finale in the first movie big shows he hasn't really changed when he gets cold feet on their wedding day [Music] however despite having humiliated and hurt her he again manages to win her over with a grand romantic gesture carrie bradshaw love of my life will you marry me next we see in the second movie that when she finally has big she becomes unhappy when their relationship inevitably dulls and she no longer has to chase him let's just order me we ordered him two nights last week well we've been out all weekend let's just stay home looking at the story in this light we can conclude that carrie received an ending fitting of an anti-hero we are used to seeing anti-heroic men on television get the endings they deserve rather than a perfectly happy wish fulfillment kind of conclusion [Music] maybe being with big is likewise what carrie deserves it's not the best thing for her nor does it represent significant character growth but it's consistent with the person she had been for six seasons and we can infer that she's destined to keep making the same mistake over and over again i couldn't help but wonder was it mr big was it new york or was it me thus the once seemingly progressive sex in the city joined the ranks of shows like friends and gossip girl which depicted women finding a happily ever after in toxic relationships romanticizing and normalizing the patterns of unhealthy partnerships i told chuck i'd take either you or the hotel he chose to give me you one could try to argue that tv viewers weren't ready for an ending featuring a single female protagonist but this had already been done and been well received many times before slayers every one of us make your choice are you ready to be strong and the years since sex and the city concluded more relationship-focused shows have gained the confidence to leave their heroines unpartnered i love you it'll pass the ending of sex in the city however shows the writers weren't confident in their own thesis and they left viewers with an inconsistent message about the acceptable paths for women to take i don't get it and you never did [Music] hi everyone i'm susanna i'm deborah and we're the creators of the take please subscribe and tell us what you want our take on next thanks again to noom for sponsoring today's video nume is a new way to get healthy and lose weight that uses psychology and habit change nume helps you learn how your mind works so you can uncover the why behind the decisions you make you don't just forget to go to the gym or order one more cosmo without thinking there is a subconscious process that controls every action you take it's called the behavior chain in the break your behavior chain lesson nume helps you identify your triggers to see what's motivating your behavior then they help you modify your actions accordingly so you can start living your healthiest life if you're ready to unlock guidance on exercise stress management and eating well click the link in our description below to check out noom's free online evaluation quiz [Music] you

Channel: The Take

Views: 544,381

Keywords: sex and the city, carrie bradshaw, carrie and big, sarah jessica parker, miranda hobbes, cynthia nixon, samantha jones, kim cattrall, charlotte york, kristin davis, carrie and big breakup, carrie goes to paris, carrie and big kiss, sex and the city movie, sex and the city 2

Id: tvpd5PyJ6f8

Length: 24min 22sec (1462 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 12 2020