Series 17, Episode 3 - 'Some impropriety?' | Full Episode

[Music] [Applause] w w w oh no no yes um yeah Christ wrong way that's how you do it baby okay oh my [Applause] [Music] go [Applause] hello and welcome to Taskmaster or as my nan calls it yeah being as she is long since dead our calist comedians are hurtling ever faster towards a total loss of credibility so please give them an uplifting cheer as we welcome back Joan mcnell John Robin Nick Mohamed Sophie will and Steve p and next to me a man who confided in me that he finds his neighbor's wife hot as hell and twice as spicy specifically the neighbors to the left if you're looking at the house from the road it's the worst ever won she is nice she said they watch the show yep you said you like it when she puts the washing out hi Greg all right yeah I'm great great actually now you thinking about her no pegging those fing those sheets up anyway I've got some statistics for you y uh from the channel about how people watch the show this is interesting okay 20% of people apparently now watch it on a device like a mobile or a juicer um we got six 64% of people most people project it onto a sort large large building into in a town um normally a big Hall and the other 16% traditional flat screen TV still right but on the floor and looking down it and dancing around it with some music on that's um some statistics about the show ready okay yep that was my bit all right we're off to an absolute buzzing start right what's the prize category this week Alex it's the best thing for a person that is meant for an animal okay Greg will give the best thing Five Points and Greg will give the worst thing one point John I'm starting with you well I wanted to get something that was fitting of a man of your standing and stature lovely so I have brought an elephant chair yes here it is it's called a howar I sort of actually like it though it's meant for an elephant's back and you would sit on it on Long Journeys in the past however sorry yeah oh I see oh I mean I genuinely did Imagine an elephant with a bad back sitting on however they are uh quite cruel to be used on elephants they're damaging to their skin and their back so by taking one off the open market I feel we're all doing a little bit of good today wow so if I give this Five Points I'm I'm taking one for the elephant team big time Big Time you're sending out a message you're welcome big ears Nick what have you brought in you know when a pet is ill and you give it one of those cones so one of those I just think one of those for a human if you had like an itch or something you could wear one on your hand to prevent you from itching should I show you his cone that he's brought in thank I me you can if you want but I already know I already know how many points it's I already regret it Greg here the not going to be a surprise but oh well cheers Nick it's uh it's pretty bad Steve it's uh a scratching brush here is your scratching brush now this promotes skin Health uh gets rid of parasites and um I was imagining you in the shower were you yes before the task was set you've got one of these attached to your towel rail yes and um yeah you go up and down on that and give yourself a good scratch you've imagined that I have some difficult skin to slew off have you no it's skin Health it's an impressive load of [ __ ] for a brush Joanne yes uh can you beat a brush yes you can the brand I brought you this week Greg is a truff yeah here is here is Joan's Tru meant for animal but better for a human yes it's both insulting and yet appeals keep talking people are going back to the Earth building their own vegetable patches I feel the trough is next is it you're imagining trough parties are you all it's all bar gr survival is it stuff yeah yeah it's right you know Lads they love making their own ham this is I feel like this is what's next it'll be like we can't often make our own hand always it's all they're all going back to the land with the mustaches and eating off the ham Hawk and all and I feel like it's is next Sophie come on I've gone in a different direction thank god well I got a pet feeder yes one of these timed cat feeders here it is timed cat feeder I thought could be quite good for you for me just a little bit of discipline and structure in your I mean basically what you're saying in that prize is you're saying I think you're fat I was worried about fat Shar yeah I did ask the producer they said no no it be fine he needs to hear [Applause] it well I'll hand out some some uh points okay you're going to start with the with Nick correct right so Nick gets one point Steve sorry two points there we go okay I don't want Sophie to be in control of when I can have a treat you sure I'm pretty sure so I'm giving her three points okay three to you Sophie there something about these young Lads munching on the ham Hawks Joan four points and uh I just want the elephant chair so fair enough Five Points to John Robins let's have a task proper shall we I don't want to alarm you Greg but there's something mysterious lurking our [Music] [Applause] [Music] tent hi Joan hi job Hello Alex you're taking Extreme Measures to keep the sun off your face yeah I feel like I should be in Gilead or something I feel like I'm in handmaiden tail hey Alex hello Nick how are you wowers work out who is following you oh oh gosh work out who is following you you must stare at the duck at all times yes and take an average length step towards the duck every time a quacks if the person following you agrees with you they will say the name of a mammal if the person following you dis disagrees with you they will say the name of a bird if the person following you doesn't know if they agree or disagree with you they will say the name of an amphibian of course I very little animal experience why have you got so little animal experience cuz I didn't study zoology I don't know what an amphibian is right the correct answer furtherest from the duck wins your time starts when the duck quacks when I say now press the green button okay I'm going to release the follower you need to keep looking at the duck [Music] okay Steve you may press the green [Music] button oh I'm so sorry oh my goodness don't start yet ow are you okay [Applause] yes Joan tell me about your lack of experience with animals isn't that terrible I don't know what an amphibian is yeah what is it like a fishy like you don't you don't know list an amphibian has an aquatic Gil breathing lavel stage followed by typically a terrestrial lung breathing adult stage yes okay NES salamanders and obviously Killians love them let's go we begin with Keen golfer John Robbins being chased by a keen golf trolley wait for the quack are you a man Badger are you a sportsman cray are you a actor kiwi are you a politician turtle dove are you famous Wilder are you a chef common ostrich I don't know what are you a comedian buddy Duck are you are you human typical pigeon are you a male are you an animal yellow Hammer are you a robot goldian Finch so you're hang on you're male but you're not human and you're not an animal are you some kind of connection for like a are you a cable short to tree creeper uh does your name begin with a emu does your name begin with B Olive baboon and you're not H and are you a human Californian condor do you have genitals Ho Cross frog that's ambiguous how is they ambiguous is your second letter of your name an R Great par an l c bar uh is this third letter of L Malayan tapier is it a golden feasant is it e is it I O Pik me hippopotamus okay so b l o are you Mr Blobby B and camel yeah yeah see you're Mr Blobby you may have a [Music] look [ __ ] hell not bad come on you let's get you [Applause] home well done John well I guess we should briefly discuss are you a Cable cable is surely the only thing that's not human that has a gender like male to female connection oh I see okay so I thought it might be a scirt lead well you got there he was 19 Paces from the duck okay let's see how Steve and Joanne got on with to quote Joanne from episode one the best physical comedian of Our Generation Jesus [Music] Christ hey it's good being a man isn't it Badger are you a human kiwi a kiwi a mam what the [ __ ] is a kiwi keep stepping Joan So reading the news you enjoy that vulturing guinea F another step please Steve okay every quack are you food lus go are you a famous thing bger are you the Eiffel Tower like something like that totally frogmouth what else is there being operated by another human is tough right hairy ear dwarf lemur can I get inside you oh are you a glove puppet gordian Finch are you some kind of children's TV character Pig me jaboa jab please step do you have a one-word name Northern shoveler oh is it Mr something Rondon DF bush baby okay Mr something have I met you have I been in you Midwife toad what's that we don't know if you've met him or her says is Olive [Music] B are you Mr Blobby dony what's that amphibian does that mean they don't know if they're Mr Blobby sorry her replies are more confusing than an now is it b c d f g h EUR Asian links is it BC a trust and true so it's is it B Slender lores Mr B Mr Bojangles are you Mr Blobby ble tiger that's a tiger agrees Mr Blobby exotic Short Hair Cat I'm stopping there cuz I think I'm right so you are Mr Lobby [ __ ] off oh my God come on blob I don't want him it's coming for you [Applause] baby well Steve if someone said Mr B I wouldn't have gone Bojangles hearing the quacks with the the handmaid's tail Bonnet on thinking about statements that had to be not questions being chased by Mr [ __ ] Blobby that that is his name you like John I only came up with the sort of alphabet thing when the duck was pretty close 15 Paces from the duck Joanne yeah it's quite the contrast to the forensic things we've seen so far uh uh is a kiwi a mammal paes what's a [ __ ] kiwi yeah then you went if you're not human you must be the the EI for then your next question was can I get inside you yeah so I'm thinking is it a building ah you can I step inside you not can I like penetrate you was like all right but you were kind of hurling out just object and then suddenly Blobby yeah and that's because your go-to thing is blob I genuin a really big Mr Blobby fan think he's amazing I tried to buy his outfit you remember he went on sale yeah yeah I mean the woman's Blobby obsessed and it really helped she got to the correct answer much before the other two she got 26 steps away from the duck and that was after not believing it was Blobby she carried on stepping for quite a while after getting the correct answer and she was overjoyed when she turned around and saw her hero right so yeah at the moment it's Joanne then John then Steve finally how long will it take Nick and Sophie to work out that Mr blobby's following them here we go um have you got blunder her kiwi kiwi that's a fruit are you um uh human kiwi are you smaller than a large tree donkey are we friends from school no no no did I meet you in the Last 5 Years common Midwife toad do you have four legs Californian condor do you have two legs Bengal tiger are you over 30 donkey okay have you used an Excel sheet look us go you on TV take me Jaa are you on BBC Cy Bo all no this Duck's approaching have we ever been drunk together common mud puppy that means yeah I think don't it oh I you get the duck you can just keep sort of pacing out the duck and we'll just do on time instead uh British py hippopotamus oh you are British are you an athlete Northern shoveler are you a cartoon character are you a big grass offer are you a mascot of some kind are you on the box of any kind of food related stuff is it Alex all right yeah I think you're just going to stay here with the D all right okay are you on a particular time of day midafternoon PR early evening POS okay right I can take the duck when I wanton if you want yeah oh oh I'm so sorry I saw him I saw him it's Mr Blobby take me to you're welcome to say hello to Mr Blobby yeah thank you God BBC larger than a human but smaller than a large tree walks on two legs B on BBC One pangin okay what's on at that time Mr Blobby pink Fair El Madill [Applause] yay the impression I've got um Nick is that you asked every question about every subject ever before you arrived at Blobby yeah well I mean just to do it by process of elimination I guess that's what that was by eliminating everything in the world in the universe yeah yeah I like the question are you smaller than a large tree cuz how tall is a tree a tree can be very I mean one of the great philosophical questions of how large is large how large is large you're larger than me yeah yeah was there a logic to so these questions I've written some down have I met you in the last 5 years have I got drunk with you have you used an Excel sheet I mean you literally sound like a dropped Alexa I just thought you were going to do something a bit like surprise surprise I thought you were I thought it could have been my mate A M I was really thinking she was going to pop out and we we've mounted her on a golf trolley obviously Sophie can't have a point can she cuz she saw Blobby a terrible tough [ __ ] we got the points yes well it's Sophie unfortunately zero two points to neck three to Steve four to John but the winner the future Mrs Blobby is Joan manell may I see a scoreboard please at the bottom and it's been typical of the series so far we've got Sophie and Nick with three points at the top it's John youan both with nine points good what's next oh oh no it's Child Care hi hi and congratulations thank you this takes me back you worn one of them before well in my head it's a bulletproof vest and I am detective Robin's homicide oh hi Joan what's going on you've got to look after a baby what is it I'll pop a or him in I can't remember the gender oh God a there we go nothing to be Fred of this is actually quite comfortable good nice on the shoulders complete the job tole course each job must be completed to a satisfactory quality level the baby must remain in the baby carrier at all times except during nappy change yes yes you must complete the job stacle course within 8 minutes the least baby spilled wins I'd actually like to spill a bit of us you want a wet baby and a dry steeve your time starts when Alex blos his whistle oh God Nick looks terrified of the baby I've got three kids have you really got three kids yeah J it's weird isn't it yeah huh yeah sorry kids let's crack on all right then the first to look after the big wet baby are Joanne and Sophie I think my Approach is going to be to Glide Swift fast and smooth like a swan do the dishes they're in the Caravan I am curious about motherhood so I think this this will be good for me yeah this will be a good test like this [Music] one daddy horn hanging around outside so [ __ ] off that's it done oh that was unfortunate oh now Alex pick up the basket pick up the basket and the thing I can't pick up the thing Bend from the knee is no oh uh his shoes need cleaning [Music] now stay to your shoes Greg trying to raise a jug of water here there's a suffrage at turning in her grave somewhere fabulous done okay does your big wet baby have a name [Music] juicy get in get in this is why women brat feed cuz this is a pain in the hell watch your own baby yeah the last one done yeah whack it in whack it in thank you I think it's very impressive Joad you to make points about the patriarchy when you've got a bucket of water strapped to you any excuse can you tell tell me statistics about who was the most effective parent Sophie spilled a fifth of her baby used some of the baby to clean the shoes with I spilled some made of the St cuz I was like that's going to go anyway might as well get rid of us not stressing beat up yeah you only spilled a sixth of your baby so um you are currently in the lead Joan next up it's two dads of three it's Nick and it's Steve okay let's do the shoes first oh God right here we go for oh what am I going to clean them with with a I can't use the baby sorry baby just I'm patting the baby's head baby's fine though oh baby's fine you're not cleaning with the baby at all are you a little bit of her went in the um in the soapy water with rings on her fingers and bells on her toes I think your baby's been sick hang the laundry Twix the cow and the Caravan bit of baby spill on your knee then yeah but that oh oh a lot of that's handy I'm assuming I have to create my own line yeah to hang the sure yeah [Music] laundry there we go is that are you satisfied with that well yeah yeah the behind the laundry dust the carpet oh was that dusting the carpet okay best way to dust the [Music] carpet satisfied no oh baby's not happy with this yeah thirsty oh there we go now let's get that napnap [Music] changed she loves that there you go that's not bad yeah you got 3 seconds left uh love you to actual fathers and uh with very contrasting approaches Nick you seem very cautious and caring parent I thought yeah did Nick spill a lot of baby yes Nick spilled a quarter of his baby whereas Steve in the end only 7% of baby spilled who would have thought that you would come across in this competition as a more effective parent by force feeding your baby I feel like I have to apologize to my own children now if that was anything like the upbringing they have yeah last up Ron jobbins what are you going to do first John we going to take the baby out of this it must stay in the baby carrier must remain in the baby carrier but the baby carrier doesn't have to remain on me right do the dishes caran dishes [Music] done thank you Greg dust the carpet 4 minutes left 4 minutes never done this before the way my life's going I'll probably never do it again oh a lot easier without a baby on your front oh it's so much easier and honestly that baby has been driving me crazy one minute left johnp just taking a bit of care with this Alex how much more time have I got five four 3 2 thank you if anything a tad smug but you know fast one it yeah and it wasn't even about that there was Zero percentage of the baby spilt oh don't leave a silence where there's a butt coming and you no there's no butt I'm just allowing you to enjoy it oh that's sweet how long do you want to give him to enjoy it we give him 10 more seconds should we no I unfortunately don't have another VT that he has genuinely nailed it I know [Applause] he so the point Nick gets one Sophie two Joan three Steve four five points to John Robbins well done John okay what's next please Alex you're going to like this Greg we started off in a tent and now we're going to be intense intense [Music] yeah oh hello Hello Alex you're right oh no what now is this right hello you okay you see something bad have you had an accident oh thank you create tension you've just given me a Master Class create tension oh you were acting and you did it well most tension created wins you have 20 minutes your time starts now have you started the attemp started this is tension yeah so like just make it really awkward what do you think of my tension that I created didn't feel tense no no oh well give it a a two out of 10 tension sexual tension we're going to need some kind of elasticated roping I would like to challenge you to a duel of hangman it's not quite working that is it tablecloth mhm y I'm going to get some bits and bobs [Music] this will be interesting because I know how to make you tense yes you do and I'm not going to be the only one I suspect let's go first of all we're going to see three lots of tension makers Sophie John and Joan tension what is tension tension is the apprehension that something bad's going to happen is it it's tense we're worried Alex sit with me is the D beside me yeah actually no I should hop up here hop up Place placing you this this is perfect yeah relax no don't relax I want you on edge in order to actually measure the tension we've got both analog and digital tension scales TI walking but on a chair yeah what's your salary don't lie don't lie to your [Music] [Music] mother are you ready yeah I'm ready increase the tension oh Alex stand firm let's take a reading Alex that's 10 kilos of [Music] tension our gentles are not touching just to be clear [Music] sadly can I say something I don't feel the need to say anything two minutes [Music] [Applause] left that was [Music] tense so it's like my father's alive again my father's anniversary today dad 21 years how is it you smell just like [Music] him what am I doing with that John what are you doing that you're catching the marble of certain death oh I see okay okay 3 2 [Music] 1 and there you go the marble of certain death caught by Alex under pretty extreme tension here that's 10 kilos of tension that's your time up John thank you second can my whistles right down here though excuse me ignore the whistle it's just me and you now I've got to get the whistle I've asked the camera man to [Music] leave oh thank God don't even look me in the [Music] [Applause] eye I told you someone would Crack the Code got consent at every point every point there was consent there was what the audience didn't hear is what you said as you uh walked out which was never look at me again Sophie watching you um standing on one leg with a cup on your head hissing like a [ __ ] snake is the least tense I've ever felt you've never been in that position cuz you're always taller aren't you but yeah actually having somebody well let me let me yeah go on if you sit on the floor [Applause] [Music] what about Johnny took a very literal version of tension did he create much tension well yes 1 kilogram on Earth is 9.8 Newtons of tension we know this and you had 10 kilos so it was yeah it was 98 Newtons of tension you created which is about the same as a small monkey on a on a tree how heavy is the monkey it said a small monkey how many pounds of tension did he create but tension's not measured in stones or pounds it's not measured in monkeys mate imagine it who's left next up time to Vamp up the tension with Nick Muhammad oh oo how long Alex 1 [Music] minute that's what I intended and that then goes over that over that there a little little [Music] [Applause] finish thanks Alex see you later [Applause] the old egg misses the glass trick that was genuinely stressful just rewatching that so yeah there was tension there I've got to say it's not looking bad for you on this one oh great yeah and bear in mind who you sitting with okay we've come to the end of our create tension task and it ends with me versus Steve at hangman [Music] no house p t a l d h m f n p c b h c g v [Applause] [Music] nightclub it means [Music] assistant [Applause] what an impressive production amazing the tension in that room between Alex and I and the no vowels hangman rule that really up it 50% it did it was electric if I were to pick perhaps a small criticism yogurt cheese and hot sauce sounds quite nice right so he is getting one point then there's a gulf between Sophie and the others so we jump up to three points right who's getting three points John is I felt tense with Nick and with Steve Steve I felt deliberately tense and with Nick I felt his gross incompetence was as a magician was going to result in someone being hurt so I can draw a parallel there and save four points for both but we all know where the most tension was in the world and it was a grown woman's you'll be it so Five Points to Joan and that's scoreboard boy right okay well unfortunately Sophie that means you've only got six points whereas John and Joanne are in the lead with 17 [Applause] points all right then please can you vacate your chairs head to the stage for the final task of the [Applause] show who's going to read the task Joan MCN my friend don't look at me Alex don't look at me catch the most monsters in your boxes the monsters must Propel themselves from the table most monsters in boxes after 2 minutes wins and I should also say if you catch one in your arm that's worth one monster in your hat that's worth two monsters it's three on the leg four on the back bucket five on the shoulder isn't the leg one a bit unfair someone's got an advantage okay so it's two minutes Greg let's dance and they're off it's hard to even get how' you do it they're not bouncing now I'm tense [Music] [Applause] so Nick is pulling away [Music] here 24 seconds left now how are you over there [Applause] yes oh Steve that so tip the table tip that table stop oh I I want you did say in the task the monsters must Propel themselves from the table are we happy that the stage is a table for Sophie I mean there an act of Charity I think okay I'm going to quickly count the monsters we have one in the top that's two monsters for Joanne lovely we have one in the top we also have two bucket monsters so that's a total of 10 monsters a lot monsters two in the leg that's six monsters wow unfortunately arm is the lowest scoring there are six in there which is also a total of six monsters there is one in the Hat and there are two in the bucket so that's a total of 10 monsters so why don't you all come down here and we'll see what that's done to the final [Applause] scores Greg I need to show you a couple of things oh good is it related to the show fortunately yes I need to uh get your judgment on a couple of little bits I caught during the task some impropriety you need that you need them otherwise you can't see okay have a look up here the first thing I saw was this great arms outrageous yes so do you want to dock him one monster or more am's disqualified from the whole I'm joking I'm joking yeah just dock him one point yeah one Monster's gone and then it's whether or not Steve's final hat monster was before or after the whistle stop well it was about three years after so there's not a lot of tension in that decision so that means Joanne uh is last with the two monsters and it's Nick with five Sophie with six Steve with eight and John takes all five points for the 10 monsters there it is excited what that's done to the final scoreboard because so far only Steve has won of course correct in this episode Joan was pipped to the post she got 18 points and John got 22 [Applause] points John Robins is the win three go and GA your reportive animal access so what have we learned from today's show well we've learned that everyone finds themselves in tense situations a difficult negotiation perhaps a feud with a neighbor an argument with a partner but remember there's always a way to diffuse that awful tension and this is it but there's only one real winner tonight ladies and gentlemen that is John [Applause] [Music] Robin [Music] [Applause] [Music] for more Taskmaster subscribe now

Channel: Taskmaster

Views: 684,495

Keywords: Taskmaster, Alex Horne, Greg Davies, Frank Skinner, Josh Widdicombe, Romesh Ranganathan, The Horne Section, Tim Key, Dave Channel, UKTV, Red Dwarf, Would I Lie To You, 8 out of 10 cats, Taskmaster full episodes, james acaster, bob mortimer, channel 4, panel show, uk comedy, comedy, sophie duker, bridget christie, sam campbell, julian clary, pennel show, judi love, ardal ohanlan, lucy beaumont, joannemcnally, john robins, nickmohammed, sophie willan, stevepemberton

Id: Ar9J2MH1lNI

Length: 46min 6sec (2766 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 12 2024