Series 14, Episode 1 - The Chassis, The Wings | Full Episode | Taskmaster

[Music] whoa [Music] oh no shut up [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello hello thank you I'm Greg Davis and this is a brand new series of Taskmaster the show is a well-oiled machine now and I am your well-oiled host let me tell you beneath this suit I'm basted with the finest goose fat and ready to pop in the oven afterwards take me out and I'll melt in the mouth delicious to the meal what entertainment can I offer easy I shall take five successful Comedians and make them dance for you dance like they never thought it possible to dance until their hot tears fill their greedy little eyes for they all long to take home this a cheap mass-produced Effigy Of My Head but the game's commence please welcome Dara Breen fundraising Chihuahua and Sarah Millican and next to me a man who recently confided in me went drunk that before bed each night His Wife puts talcum powder on his rear end and special area in what he described to me as his night night powder party Lord hey Greg hey mate finally I've had the first draft of my new book okay you want to see it yeah it's great okay it's uh well you know about it obviously it's the um the new automography of you for Greg question mark a force of nature thank you it's quite weighted 700 Pages it's the first part of eight [Music] coming to read you an excerpt read me an excerpt okay oh and and then Greg Davis leapt off his horse and shouted that's how it's done loses and all the guys and girls watching him applauded and knelt down before him and they lay down before him and sort of curled up into balls before him and Greg picked them up and rolled them at a barn and roared and roared at them foreign category of this new series my little furry friend oh today you've asked them to bring in the most jaw-dropping item ouch and the most jaw-dropping item of them all will get its owner Five Points and an early lead in the series kaching Plus at the end of the show the winner will take home five jaw-dropping items and probably get locked jaw Greg right let's begin Dara what's your dropping item might you have bought us for me jaw dropping is defined by whenever you see Bugs Bunny or another beloved cartoon character dressed as a sexy female version of themselves so I got this made [Laughter] and so it's certainly an old man isn't it if you're not entirely sure about how jaw dropping that is uh you have to see the effect it had on Alex this is strong well played fun I've brought in a framed picture of a rescue chicken called fair and pretty named after me if I'm ready here is a chicken called Fern Brady there's comedy a lot and they have rescue chickens named after different female comedians I don't know if you've got one see that this is Sarah Millican chicken as well that's the thing is they always update you on how your chicken is doing so like fernbury daily chicken was the biggest girl with a lot she really enjoyed her food but during the pandemic when I'd lost all my work and I was feeling sad I got a tweet from them one day seeing Fern Brady died this morning she was she loved best eating breakfast out of David's hand [Laughter] it's pretty jaw droplet okay these are strong so far someone's got to drop the ball soon haven't they well it's John's turn now John what have you put it I brought in the Guinness World Records book this is going to take some talking rounds there's a tomato that's over 10 pound which is the size of a domestic cat it's a big tomato he is right you've got uh hairiest family they're the ones with hair over there they're 98 here they themselves are not 98 hair a knitted version of my head here is his head what I like is that they've really nailed how that your teeth are on your lips I don't hold it I have to buy it yeah I had to buy it 200 pounds but I mean it's awful Sarah can you beat that this is ceramic dildo that has um one of my jokes engraved is that the right word I've never written on a dildo apart from mine I was told it was a ceramic bangle holder here it is one bit of sex advice my mom ever gave me foreign honors to Dara's jaw dropping cartoon and Incredibly Sarah's ceramic dildo because the thing that genuinely shot me the most was that Fern would read Fern Brady is dead the thing that made my jaw drop okay well Five Points goes to phone break [Music] here we go then what we've got first Alex well we have a box fresh task to kick off proceedings [Music] Hello Alex oh hello Sarah come in oh I've got a bit of big headed coming to help you I'm in oh yeah yes how you doing I'm good thanks Mania my iPhone hi John Hello Alex this way please this way please yeah hello Dora Hello Alex how are you so yeah you can take one step to me if you want all right that's nice you can rotate this way a little bit if you want yeah cool it's okay and you can open the task would you like to read the task [Applause] yeah I'm not reading it no no I'm very happy too you can either post it in the top of my head or you could maybe read it for me oh I'd love to read it for you yes please you can hear the Russell of anticipation right um what 10 films are you in you have 15 minutes most correct films named wins what do you mean what 10 films am I in your time starts now what do you mean most correct films named wins that I am in that I am in yes yes I thought they conduct themselves with absolute dignity and I'm very excited to see them I might just say as a side note Fern's early Fury bodes very well for the rest of the series okay here we go it's Dara O'Brien John Kearns and fern Brady [Music] number one I'm trying to work out what film is that finger far off ten films am I in seven yeah that's one out of ten what did I just get one yeah it's a sheep Bo Peep Ram boat correct wizard okay so remember it's the film where's art boomerang I've seen that this is a bendy six that comes back to you um what the hell is that called again oh Australian uh not kangaroo stop saying kangaroo my brain um is that [ __ ] elf where's that but there's no elves in Australia Australian Wizards oh maybe another word for an Australian yes Wizard of Oz correct um jugs jar The Three Amigos what the hell would be in this I don't know the Chipmunks next one I'm good at these I like these games ah cornflakes Golf Club yep conflict Club The Breakfast Club correct wow this was a club something cool oh Jesus Christ the next one okay so they're peas okay what's the movie uh peace sake you've got three and a half minutes oh my god really frozen peas Frozen correct this is an orange correct I feel like this one's actually an easy one yes but it's not coming to me stones Romancing Stone I'm gonna go with moon okay Top Gun no fan gun no funny funny weapon it's not funny weapon oh Gone With the Wind correct oh you're looking for number nine yeah okay I'm Number Nine well those are carrots right yep and then I've got things in my hands as well uh tea bag okay is it yeah and one other thing here karate karate Ginger because that's my Ginger oh it's a horse goat tea bag carrots carrot tea Ram charity goose what the hell Karate Kids correct you're number 10 you represent a moment in a film you've got 30 seconds are in total in total yeah yeah no it's gone badly it has gone badly hasn't it yeah so time up Dora [Music] I'm sure the expression on that box changed that still photo got Saturn inside her as I couldn't remember the names of any film Dara not the first comedian to do this show because his children enjoy it only to lose all the respects his children previously had so he got three out of the ten films John when you just shouted at the top of your voice Chipmunks it felt like a man throwing in the towel for the whole series Fern please for your performance yeah I think I did it today let's just find out she got 60 of them right six out of ten [Music] and I thought that The Wizard of Oz I thought your title was better what did I pick the Australian wizard six points and John got four points yes one film that you adamant about was Peas the film and as it's not a real film I wonder if you wanted to pitch it maybe he's uh a lonely Gardener uh during lockdown yep the only thing that grows in his garden is peas yep um he goes to bed the peas run in the house and uh they kill him and then live his life yeah how will our final two do let's find out Sarah Millican and monya Chihuahua investigate well how's this now this is the bow and arrow I know the feeling of this okay okay a ram okay fell into the Rams for around a ram Rambo correct yes so it's a witch's hat boomerang oh such a puzzle oh The Wizard of Oz correct you're good at this Mania yeah catch I'm joking Wizard of Oz returns can you sort of said it well give me the point then watch the film The Wizard of Oz correct oh Australia oh you dicks Wonder Wars Jaws close Jaws correct it's like the golf club with eczema Club thank you no breakfast club correct yes oh peas oh man oh oh it's peas correct yes this is Clockwork Orange correct the rock close The Rock too Rocky correct is the word Rocky correct how is it a gun yes Dundee it's not Gundy no gun with the wind oh my word correct yes yes go with the Wind correct shut your face oh bro you're a bit older than a kid but Karate Kid correct yes you are clue number 10. I am yes not in any films my head right now is in a box yes that is the exact same as a moment in a film yes [Music] big heads corn heads um cardboard heads no do you wanna by the way yeah you bloody whistle [Music] I'm intrigued by munya picked up a bow and said I've written it down because I was so intrigued I know the feeling of this so in Zimbabwe we used to have nine gardeners okay now it's not because we're bougie it's because that's just the done thing so basically to have nine guards yeah my dad was like look I can't afford these nine Gardens Too Many yeah so we need to rank them so he put me in charge of ranking them so what I would do is I would give them tax like hours of Zimbabwean Taskmaster and one of them was to make me a bow and arrow so the person who made me the bow and arrow was top Gardener so what the [ __ ] going on it's you knowing that he will mention Zimbabwe in every single task amazing give me some scores well I can tell you Sarah got seven out of ten Manya eight out of ten [Applause] so which means money you get Five Points four to Sarah three to Fern two to John Dara just a single point Dara you're pretty angry about this yeah not at you not of the show none of the concept not the whole idea of puzzles and fun I'm just angry at me first task proper yes which means that John is last place by quite some distance but in joint first we have Fern and Sarah with eight points oh my God let's see another task please okay then Greg it's our first location task of the series and this time for a bit of a laugh we borrowed the whole of Gatwick Airport's south terminal good stuff Lou raw VT [Music] Hello Alex hi fun hey imagine if I just knocked it over there that'll be funny wouldn't this oh I love a toilet roll I feel much happier now that there's loads of toilet rules here I'm gonna love this this land's little in the loo you must stay on the spot at all times most loo roll in the Lou wins you have 15 minutes your time starts now that's not an easy shot well in my real life I'm actually amazing at this I'm always knocking through toilet rolls into the toilet what I was gonna run out you'll either be happy or sad you know in Zimbabwe I'm used to Long drops so this should be a doozy or a loser so you genuinely not come full toilet rolls into the toilet yeah okay so do I that's so upsetting I've got a massive mirror in my bathroom I would say once a week I do that and then look at myself and go you fat ass bye okay first use the toilet it's Dara and fern okay I'll just try one just to try one okay no 15 minutes oh no oh no oh no I'm Gonna Roll with them down something I'm wanting it drainage pipe anywhere oh no let's do it wire s attacked it did that count no obviously I could do it in smaller chunks and get something in here [Music] I counted that one is there an ideal amount of waste to stability [Music] [Applause] yes so can we break into a fishing supply store [Music] so it wasn't anywhere near it over you've got 13 minutes left I think they're directing this okay I'm off the Mark I think you finished early well done thank you congratulations one out of 12 winning [Music] expecting the second was the lion [Music] foreign [Music] six times in a row I hit the rim six times in a row that's shattering incredible to watch Dara ruminating to himself all of the many ways he could do this and I wrote down my impression was that Dara was walking the fine line between physics theorists and Confused uncle in a shed he landed a couple of sweet ones in the pan right yes he got a whole roll in which is 140 sheets we all know that and uh 43 other individual sheets I do have to go through the toilet at the end of this task and count them which that was the only pleasure left open to me is the part of you going through my toilet paper and individually counting the sheets that must have given you a little lift after um all of the rim shots which were and I quote shattering [Music] Fern had a a less technical um system it seemed to me that you thought yeah I'm just going to chop all these one by one and after each one I'm gonna go oh no yeah I didn't realize until you said there was 13 minutes left that was when I realized I might have done it definitely yeah who's next next up to throw down our Manya and Milliken part of me thinks it's just throwing and hoping it hits if I break these into pieces I could basically have 100 shots let's go in the league yeah I know that we've all missed the seat a few times in our life haven't we there you go I'm just gonna start it's quite close it's impossible oh just keep it going good LeBron James LeBron James [Music] well maybe here no two foot LeBron James LeBron James [Music] where is this LeBron James oh I flushed it though that's just over half your new Rolls gone it feels silly to just Chuck five more LeBron James LeBron James could I get some water oh thank you it couldn't get any spot you've got me the rules thank you just wet them to make it a bit heavier yeah [Music] does it count stupid game anyway if I missed this many this is impossible so the one for the little Tails do look amazing when they go yeah well it's not about your artistic direction is it's about getting them in no how long how long no no yeah [Music] It's the final bit of lural is it yeah [Music] it's pretty good whatever Alex [Applause] at the beginning what did you mean when you said we've all missed the seat sometimes listen we all have a pass you poo off the seat not me personally just you know when you've got lion gardeners a lot of stuff happens fascinating um Sarah you stopped halfway through to try a new system yeah and it was a delight ah make the paper heavy yeah make it more like a poo it's not like mine oh no no that's too solid for me is it yeah just a disaster zone is it yeah yeah I mean I'll be honest with you Sarah mine's not pretty but I thought I thought it was a master stroke I don't know that it worked it you did actually say I've never seen a kingfisher I imagine this is what it's like yeah how many of our big wet Kingfishers went in she had a total of 80 individual sheets whereas Manya just 61. good we've seen everyone apart from John Kearns so here is John Kearns with ever anything like this I don't need power gravity will provide the power so weirdly I'm gonna throw it up before I throw it down [Music] right I might try throwing it down now [Music] well I'm just I'm just gonna have another go right and that was a really quite a long way away from the toilet oh got an idea make a little paper airplane well look how beautiful it is first and foremost the chassis the wigs it's a fantastic piece of engineering fly my pretty fly [Music] oh God what's happening now oh I'm gonna make a bigger one a bigger one [Music] right I need to rethink this now [Music] it's a grinch kiss when they run on the loop yeah I know that's the task that's right there too high up 20 seconds well I'll release that [Music] whoa that didn't go to plan I had such high hopes because of the archway you delivered the sentence and gravity will provide the power I thought this man knows what he's talking about yeah I do no you don't tell you it's a shame we don't give archives points though oh man that is that is I mean he may not win this game but he win a Cesar the French Oscars for a best short film that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen from the maker of peas [Laughter] it's frustrating to watch Sophie John because he is an amazing shot afterwards we sometimes stick around and have a bit of fun John grabbed a lural chucked it straight in have you got it I didn't film it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I don't know that's got to just be gut-wrenching isn't it hey let's have some points right well John didn't get any in does he does he still get a point Greg for coming yeah for God's sake for the for the sheer Beauty he's got to get a point single point to John then we have money with two points Sarah came third three points Fern four points for second place but they went out with five points is Dara Bree Street the master physicist strikes time for one more you bet with Matthew Kelly and it's the first team task now oh my God yes [Music] hello hello fun please wait please wait hi Alex hi Sarah I don't know what you've got length of drain pipe yeah I don't like yours little geeky thoughts you don't no I don't like this it looks like I might have to do a forward rule or something can you do a forward roll for you I'd give it a go should I read the task hi oh hello hey uh hey friend how are you all right you are now a team oh damn okay don't worry this is phone phone this is Dara you are a team oh oh cool cool yeah you can stand next to each other if you want oh sorry I thought there was a thing no you just wherever you wonder well I want to do there's John yeah should I you go ahead please good luck team create the best picture of a bird on the black Square you may not step on or do anything to the black Square Alex will walk towards you every time you name a different bird Alex will stop moving every time you name a different fish oh my God I hear that this is sick okay all right you have a maximum of 15 minutes your time starts when Alex withdraws his nail so is that oh oh wait wait paint is gonna start spraying out as soon as he pulls out that nail so if I said a bird's name you would walk towards me I will follow the last person who said a species of bird but if we name it stop fish he stops he stops when we name him how good are you on fishing birds that was my uni degree so we're all good yeah I mean some people call it psychology but I yes very nice degree or not my gut instinct is it's going to go very badly for both teams oh okay I could be wrong and my only other observation is that doing that Fern was either freezing or needed a week it was both it was really hard to go to the toilet in that costume yeah so I think I went once in the whole series excellent okay well luckily nobody's going to have to imagine a world without montages because we've got one right here okay I'm now going to withdraw my nail oh oh no okay we're losing pain quickly here yeah okay okay Alex pigeon [Music] [Applause] um seagull Alex Siegel seabream oh you will you just keep coming towards me until you say a fish in cart right okay eagle fish um what Jesus pretended Birds um [Music] where's the head is that the head that's the head of there oh angelfish telling you this is a bird that's been uh run over I what big that is big shouldn't we put a foot over here why was your foot sticking out of his ass could it be a bird for any other angle we could start again I I'm totally nutty how you don't see this yeah it looks like I'm Van Gogh rabbit or something falcon no no no no no no no quick no touch checks the head yes so what's this it's a turkey oh yeah [ __ ] our problem is that we can't remember at critical times the names of birds or fish so get maybe three bars some free fish oh Jesus Christ as an eel a fish or a snake we need an eye but how do you do it if one of us is above Alex then he has to lift the pen up which means it stops pouring I see what I'm saying Mexican parrot hey look I'm up I'm up oh yes you are we very much lost the birds it doesn't look like anything there's so much wrong with this damn where's the head now you've got the tail you've got the wing now we've got a bird two and a half minutes penguin is a penguin this could maybe be a boat that's not a bird I have to know when to step away let's step away good plan look at that that's a look at the beak look at the beach there right like a goose are they going in they've gone in there the group of three to me seem to be the least organized although Dara took an early leading role yeah much ignored you did for the first few minutes run round around the canvas and then say to Alex really aggressively what you're just going to keep coming towards me thank you Put Me In Mind of a documentary about how six-year-olds interact at the group of two there was a better Dynamic there I thought yeah we are pretty much an interracial JLS so I felt like we do you mind if I write that down please do yeah I thought we had an exceptional use of physics you know wise man once said gravity will do the rest so I feel like we did pretty good you remember it differently to me is what Manya and Sarah created does it make a bird see see it starts a shock and then it gets impressed it looks like it's leaning into winds it's a bird with human feet leading into the wind well you know that's Evolution yeah I thought it was one of her Kingfishers I've kind of brought it to life yeah he was Kingfisher very wet extremely rare okay well would you like to see what the team of three ended up with let's see this beautiful bird there we go yeah uh you can see the beak here at the left hand side the wings are up like this around it and that's the body of it at the back there exactly the same tone of voice Dara used when he was running around going oh yeah right you're following me now are you John Fern no I mean it's unless the bird's been exploded everywhere it doesn't look like anything there are differences of vision within the team they went for a bird oh this is so do you not see the duck's head I can't see a bird also the right hand side is the pet no yes it's a chicken look okay we can see the chicken in action there we go criticized our feet how dare you it's pointing the other way thanks for confirming there's no bird in there well you could have judged them which is the better burden don't be so ridiculous we know what the Better Burgers it's just how we divide the points but you know let's not pretend that that Bird's good I feel sorry for them so I'm going to give them two points for their massive lines the team of three that's correct okay but I'll be giving Five Points the top marks to the team of two there we go quick look at the scores right well he's still in last place with six and the leader now has ten points more than that it's Sarah with 16. okay everyone please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show thank you [Music] that look on Zara's face I call it deep regret when you've got is on it jaunty angle of course he has yeah that's how they wear them in Zimbabwe he's going to read the task Fern braiding is going to Good Luck Fern get the most weight on the Seesaw without popping the balloon taking it in turns you must place a single item of your additional clothing in the Triangular basket the most weight in the Triangular basket when the balloon pops wins but if you pop the balloon you get zero points so one at a time they're going to pop one of the additional clothing items in the Triangular basket they're trying to put the most weight in there before the balloon pops so we know how much each of your items weighs what you don't want to do is pop the balloon oh yeah because you get nothing there so we're going to start with a person in last place Greg and that's obviously John I'm gonna go with the top hat oh it's going big you can turn this round no no he's 10 points behind us all right here we go oh perfect right wow that delivery was almost arrogant next it's Dara o'bri good luck Tara oh he wouldn't go with a boot yeah [Music] oh big but gentle oh you lovely bear well played in third place it's Mania Chihuahua another boot let's see what I'm gonna do LeBron James LeBron James double boots there we go no movement yet it's Fern Brady to go next another boot oh yeah oh easy Sarah Millican the current leader is she going boot oh God she'd be mad too yeah yeah very clever lovely one item it's back to you John another boot I think another boot yeah I'm absolutely pissed on the adrenaline slight movement there back to Dara he's going flipper he's using physics come on yeah you're right cool I'm gonna go glove because it's really irritating my Eczema lovely delivery LeBron James Fern you're up that's it that's going flipper and it goes lovely Sarah you're up she's not oh hello oh hello she wouldn't oh it's Madness [Music] wow nothing's happened yet right it's a hahaha there's John again I think it needs a bit of um now you don't want to pop the balloon John I don't think I'll do it enough you do you John play your game [Music] oh right now we're getting somewhere they're opening next good morning Mr Scrooge oh lovely are we are we happy that's in the Triangular basket yeah yeah yeah all right it has got invisible physics okay Manya okay you know the thing they're going to say about munya he lives on the edge I don't think that's what they're gonna say oh lovely yeah can you have balance me just hold my hand no no please hold my hand please why because I need the balance because the more weight my nails it doesn't matter bro you've got nothing to lose okay bro count me down for three [Music] three come and join me down here [Music] wow well well well that's putting the cat monster pigeons hasn't it so obviously Manya who was too near the edge in the end gets zero points Sarah put 1071 grams in Fern 1 310 grams Dara and John both exactly the same 1461 which means that Sarah gets the two points three points to Fern but in joint first place Five Points to Dara and John well there's only one point separating three people but the winner with 18 points is Sarah velikan please head up to the stage to enjoy your jaw-dropping prize there a new series is the gun see you next time but for now well done again to our first winner Sarah [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] for more Taskmaster subscribe now [Music] foreign

Channel: Taskmaster

Views: 924,476

Keywords: Taskmaster, Alex Horne, Greg Davies, Frank Skinner, Josh Widdicombe, Romesh Ranganathan, The Horne Section, Tim Key, Dave Channel, UKTV, Red Dwarf, Would I Lie To You, 8 out of 10 cats, Taskmaster full episodes, james acaster, Dara O Briain, Fern Brady, John Kearns, Munya Chawawa and Sarah Millican

Id: tnbuh4fC80g

Length: 45min 9sec (2709 seconds)

Published: Sat May 27 2023