Seinfeld | J. Peterman

that's michael you mean me yes i'm jay peter my friends a toast as the wooly-haired melonations of papua new guinea once said all right who's dancing no one all right i'll just have to get things started [Music] oh what a stirring little anthem of wellness relay mr peterman now we missed you enter [Music] this dry air is curing me like a black forest ham this is incoherent dribble who among us hasn't snuck into the break room done nibble on a love newton they capture that indefinable romance that was camelot whatever well i see what's going on here i am smack dab in the middle of a good old-fashioned cat fight i'll be inaugurating him this weekend with none other than ethel kennedy a woman whose triumph in the face of tragedy is succeeded only by her proclivity to procreate that noise that's the noise what that infernal rattling sound that has plagued me these past two days and i could not find the source in my office in the hallway even in the men's room shame on you and lay oh no mr peterman that wasn't me that reminds me of the haitian voodoo rattle torture you haven't gone over to their side have you no i mean because if i hear one more rattle just one you're out on your can and if you are undead i'll find out about that too no jerry's got nothing newman's got nothing you're the only one i know who's got the good stuff and i need a bad baby because i feel like i got bugs crawling up my skin now you got to help me out not on my watch somewhere else mr what are you doing hello you're out of control you need help huh i know what you're going through i too once fell under the spell of opium it was 1979 i was traveling the yangtze in search of a mongolian horsehair vest i got to the market after sundown all of the clothing traders had gone but a different sort of trader still looked about just a tasty set that was all it took mr peterman i don't know what's going on here i am not addicted to anything oh elaine the tall road of denial is a long and dangerous one the price your in the distance i heard the bulls but i began running as fast as i could fortunately i was wearing my italian cap toe oxfords sophisticated yet different without making a huge fuss about it bridge dark brown capskin leather matching linen vamp men's hole in half sizes 7 through 13 price 135 i'm afraid the problem with zach is more serious he's back on the horse elaine smack white palace the chinaman's nightcap an addict well it just keeps getting better and in a tiny way i almost feel responsible i'm the one who sent him to thailand in search of low-cost whistles filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own opium excursions plus i gave him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel mr peterman here are these pages one moment i'm reading the most fascinating article on the most fascinating people of the year and not i don't think i'll ever be able to forget susie and most of all i will never forget that one night working late on the catalog just the two of us and we surrendered to temptation and it was pretty good flash of lightning elaine i just realized why i like this cartoon so much oh do tell sir it's a ziggy a ziggy betty reference that would not recognize it anywhere some charlatan has stolen a ziggy and passed it off as his own i can prove it quick elaine to my archives no pears mr peterman no apples where's my pineapple are you okay mr peterman yes yes go on well see it's businessmen taking siestas you know it's the uh the urban sombrero mr peterman mr peterman thanks for having me over your place isn't quite what i imagine oh it's just a place to flop well what part of your life do you want to start with foreign intrigue exotic romance oh elaine we've covered all of that in the catalog not nauseam now i would like this book to be about my day-to-day life oh oh damn they changed the cable stations again just when i finally memorized them oh mr peterman do you want to oh cbs get um three i don't know what that is where's my damn preview channel well i i gotta tell you mr peterman i i don't know if i see a whole book here well i'm sure we'll come up with something what do you say you and i order ourselves a pie do you like lorenzo's oh damn i forgot to buy plant food again i bet i got a coupon for it cramer my friend that is one ripping good yarn you know if you liked that one i got more and what are you looking for uh romance uh comedy adventure erotica no uh kramer i don't think how much would you take for the whole lot my whole life name your price man fifteen hundred dollars i'll give you half that done beat him in here mr peterson you got to tell me my story's back you want to know something i no longer need them no no mr peterman why don't we keep them as a reference nonsense i have venice's wonderfully imaginative mind to spin my stories you take back your tails you vagabond there you are elaine go forth and create and by the way when you get to that chapter about my romantic escapades feel free to toss yourself into the mix effective immediately miss bennis will return to her old position at her original salary and i of course will return to mine kudos elaine on a job done about my stock options i think not now down to business i have had this vision of a diaphanous rum runner scarf how much is she worth i'd say about 219. [Laughter] 219 000. lobeck you glorious tit willow you just made me a profit of 190 000 you know two dollars and nineteen cents it's an intimates do they have a castle at windsor now they have a display case at the end of the aisle oh good lord is the item still with you um as far as i know do you know what happens to a butter based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated english basement uh i i guess i hadn't when i have a feeling what you are about to go through is punishment enough the uh the letter of authenticity is in the side pocket there really i never knew kennedy had such a temper mr peterman this is uh george costanza jay peterman j crew so is uh lane here oh elaine just called she won't be joining us well not to worry i'll tell the maitre d it'll just be the three bowls our fong has been most accommodating shall we uh actually you know i just remembered i promised this comedy club that i'd do a set tonight so i'm terribly sorry i understand no hard feelings george and i will miss your company why there'll just be two this evening george we died and there tucked into the river's bend was the object of my search the guangzhaya river market fabrics and spices traded under a starburst it was there and i discovered the pamplona beret sizes seven and a half to eight and three-quarters plus thirty-five dollars this is very nice but i i really could take a camera well uh nonsense george besides it gives me a chance to tell you about my latest trip to burma i discovered a very unusual quarterboy beat him in here what oh no all right i'll be right there it's my mother she's a death store what i just pray to god we can make it there in time [Applause] you haven't seen it now that's it drop everything we're going right now and i thought i knew what love was i can't do this anymore i can't it's too long quit telling your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already die you mean you don't like the movie i hate it i'm going to hell hello mr peterman how are you feeling hey now pete blunt i'm burnt out i'm fried my mind is as barren as the surface of the moon i can run that catalog no longer what who's gonna do it what about you me why me why indeed mr peterman you can't leave i've already left elaine i'm in burma burma you most likely know it as myanmar but it'll always be burma to me show me one of your melons

Channel: Vincent Clark

Views: 1,139,432

Keywords: Seinfeld (TV Show), Seinfeld Funny, J Peterman, Elaines bosses

Id: n-gFcx5ihcI

Length: 11min 36sec (696 seconds)

Published: Mon May 27 2013