- Welcome back to more Reddit stories. These ones will absolutely
make you cringe. We have collected some good
ones today, so buckle up. And our guests today
are Amanda and Arasha. - Hey, hey. - [Shayne] Thanks for being here. - Hey, hey. You're so welcome. (Shayne laughs) - It is our honor. - You've both been here before. You know how it is. - Yeah. - So I would say the
general theme right now for these is embarrassing. These are embarrassing stories. Now, most Reddit stories are embarrassing. These ones are really embarrassing. - Oh god, cringe. - I get such bad secondhand
embarrassment too, so I'm gonna be cringing.
- Me too. Oh my god, I get so cringey. - Okay. - So here's our first story. This comes from a subreddit
called Today I (beep) Up. This is where people confess about how it's like I just screwed up and I can't tell anyone I'm close to, so I'm gonna tell the
internet anonymously. - Great choice. - So it's a bunch of just bummer stories. - Oh god.
- Okay. - Here we go. "Today I (beep) up by not
looking before I sat down. "Floor eight of the place of my employment "inside the men's (beep) "I'm sitting there doing
my sit down business "because the boss makes
a dollar, I make a dime. "I've just finished the dirty work, "and I'm about to perform my ablutions," which is I suppose cleaning yourself. "But I delay it because
it's a paid to (beep) thing. "Dicking around on Reddit a bit. "At this point, I feel
something jump onto my balls. "Something I had never hoped
I would ever experience, "let alone talk about on the internet. "I shriek. "Not a barbarian shriek,
not a Viking shriek, "'Psycho' shower scene shriek." (Amanda laughs) "A huntsman spider has
crawled out of the toilet bowl "and jumped onto my low hanging fruit." This is an Australian for sure. Like, I mean, it's a huntsman. But the wording now makes sense. "I bat the spider off,
smacking myself in the nuts, "keeling over in pain. "Spider dead, good news. "My banshee wail has not
gone unanswered, bad news. "Someone comes into the bathroom "and knocks on the stall door. "'Mate, are you all right? "'Have you fallen over? "'I'll call an ambulance.' "'No, fine. "'Everything is good. "'Just slipped. "'Fine. "'No need to call an ambulance. "'You can leave now.' "I flush the world's
smallest sexual predator "to try and retain some of my
inner pride, wash my hands, "and make the very, very
long walk back to my desk. "My manager's desk isn't
too far from the bathrooms, "and he comes up to me afterwards. "'What happened in there? "'Is everyone all right?' "'Yeah, everyone's fine.' "And then I make the
dumbest decision of my life "and explained to him what had happened. "And the audacity of the man. "He laughs. "He laughs so hard he has to sit down "so he doesn't hurt himself. "His hyena, kookaburra hybrid laughter "has gotten the attention
of some of the other members "of my team. "They're looking to get in
on the funny, funny joke. "Boss man wheezes. "Get him to tell them, holy (beep) "And because I'm incredibly
susceptible to peer pressure, "I tell them like a (beep) gimp." - Oh my god. - Damn, okay. "I'm gonna skip past most of the laughter "because it went on for
what felt like forever. "I come back from lunch, "and boss man and two other
members of my team come up to me "as I'm sitting back down at my desk "getting ready to get back to work. "Boss man is holding a piece of paper. "'Look, we need to have
a chat about something. "'I've brought two of your
friends in the team as support "'since this is obviously not something "'that's easy to talk about.' "I am confused. "'I have a blank HR report here. "'I'll need you to fill this out. "'You confided in me that
you were sexually harassed "'in the workplace, and
it's my duty of care "'to make sure the poop-etrator
is brought to justice. "'Under the space where it says "'which hand did they assault you with, "'just put times eight. "'We understand this is a
traumatic experience for you, "'and I just want you to know "'that every resource we
have is here for you.'" I will just say, based on
every Australian I've ever met, this makes so much sense. - What? Wait. - So a huntsman spider, which are massive. - Wait, is it this big? - Yes, huntsman spiders
are the biggest spiders in the world. Huntsman spider's average
body size is one inch. Average leg span is three to five inches. So their body is an inch around, but overall, they are
bigger than your hand. Like, they are, or, you know, relatively. So this spider could have really fully- - Grabbed the balls. - Fully clutched. (crew laughs) - Really? - Fully clutched. - It was like, "Yeah!" - "Yay!" - "Take me home!" - I believe they're
relatively harmless to people. Relatively.
- Not to balls though. - Like, you know, they're
not venomous massively. Like, they're not a dangerous spider. They're just freakin' huge. - Here's what I'm confused
about, the ending. Was that like serious or- - No, they're (beep) with him. They're (beep) with him 'cause they said, hey, with the hand,
what hand did they use? It's like eight hands. - Wow, they really like
kept it going for him, huh? - I just can't get over
the initial like claw grab that it must've gotten on those. - Yeah, like the boss and
all them making fun of him, I think is, like I said- - [Amanda] Hilarious. - Based on the Australians
I've known, it makes sense. At least an American point
of view of Australia, it's like, that's what Australia- - They're joshing around. - There's spiders all over the place, and they're like, "Oh, the spider get ya? "Well, we got an HR report for ya. "You gotta sign it." - That's so true. Actually, when you say it
like that now I'm like, oh, that makes total sense. - It's a funny joke. - Why is it? - But he shouldn't have told
what happened in the bathroom. But I understand that- - Oh, I would be telling everyone. - I would be telling a
random person on the street. - I would be telling people
for the rest of my life that a huntsman spider clutched my balls. - [Amanda] Grabbed my balls. - I just immediately go to visuals, and I start imagining this man's balls and I don't wanna be there, so... - Well, that's fair. Don't picture the balls. (laughs) - That's all I can see. - I will say it is an innate
fear speaking as a man of like, and I think this goes for anyone, of like just a bug being in the
toilet and like crawling up. - I stare at the toilet before I go there. - Oh, I look. I can't imagine not looking. - Oh yeah. - And a huntsman spider's so big. You'd think... - I told you that one time that I heard a woman she sat on poop. (crew gasps and laughs) At a Whole Foods. I was on the east coast, and I went in there and
she was with her son, and I don't know who did it,
her son or the person before. But she went, "Oh my god,
I sat on someone's poop." (crew gasps) It was like a little log of poop must have been sitting there. - Not a little log. - She must've been so mom and busy, she was probably just like,
gotta get the pants off and sit and it's just (mimics squish) - No, I absolutely assess- - [Amanda] I can hear the whole thing. - I'm also the type that
in a public bathroom, I will like check a stall to be like, is this the stall I'm using? - [Amanda] Oh yeah. - And I'll go to a different stall. - Oh no, I'm shopping in the bathroom. (Shayne laughs) I'm picky. Like, if there's a drop. - So now the title of it is
not looking before I sat down. But I should point out he
was sitting there for a while before this happened. I have a feeling maybe it was
underneath the toilet seat or something. - Okay, well now that's a new fear that you can't just set up
real estate on the toilet. - I have seen videos of
people walking into a stall and lifting the toilet seat and spiders... - Ta ta ta! Don't like that. - I'm sorry. Sorry to ruin everyone's life. That's how spiders work. - I guess we can't freaking poop anymore. - Some comments. "Flushing the world's
smallest sexual predator "and the HR form put
this story over the top." Someone said, "Such an
Australian today I (beep) up." Someone said, "Thank you for
renewing my mental subscription "to be terrified of spider poop-etrators "every time you sit on a toilet." OP responded, "Mate, I've
been needing to (beep) "ever since I got home, and
I'm having 'Nam flashbacks "every time I look at my toilet." - Oh my god. - "If I've gotta live with this fear, "so does everyone else." - Poop-etrator is so good. - Poop-etrator. - I do wonder how often
this happens in Australia. You know, it's such a like trope. (Amanda winces) It's such a trope here in America of like, there's snakes and spiders everywhere. But I went to Australia for
10 days several years ago. And I was in Sydney,
Melbourne, Gold Coast, I never even, I don't think I
saw a spider the entire time. - Were you on a tour bus the whole time? - No, I was in the city
like staying in hotel rooms and stuff. So maybe I need to be out
like more in the suburbs. - Maybe they were clawed
to your balls already. - Maybe they were already on my balls. - They were on that whole trip. - Maybe they were just
there every single day. - They were with you. - Yeah. - You're like, "Come on, little
buddy, let's go to work." (Shayne laughs) - "Okay." - "Hop on." - All right, moving on. We have an Am I the Asshole. "Am I the asshole for
not warning my classmate "that my friend is a lesbian "and letting him be publicly humiliated?" Okay. - What? - So okay here, it sounds like this takes
place in high school since they're very young, so... "I don't know how to
start posts like this, "so I'll just get into it. "I, female 17, am in a
class with my friend Hannah, "also a female 17. "Hannah is a lesbian. "Zero interest or
attraction to men at all. "The other day, Hannah was homesick "and the guy who sits next
to me, Mason, who's 16, "approached me about Hannah. "We'd talked a little before
and were kind of friends. "He asked a bunch of weird questions. "Nothing sexual. "Just questions about her
hobbies and interests. "Does she play sports?"
- That's not weird. - Those aren't weird questions. - "Is she in any clubs, stuff like that." - That's sweet. - Yeah, that could be interpreted, I don't know how he asked it, but... - Yeah. - "I gave vague but honest answers. "Then he asked if she was single, "and that's when I caught on. "I had a moment of mini panic. "Hannah doesn't really
try to hide her sexuality, "but she isn't super open about it either. "I didn't want to out her, "but I didn't want her to
have to deal with this rando. "I ended up just telling him "that he's definitely not her type. "The bell rang, so we both
went to our next classes. "And I hope to God that he took the hint. "Spoiler alert, he didn't." (Amanda laughs) "Today while students
were still milling around "before class, he got down on one knee "and asked her to go out to
the movies this Saturday." - On one knee?
- One knee? (crew laughs) Dang, shawty. - "The whole class was silent
for a moment before she said, "'No, sorry, I'm not interested.' "He responded, 'But why? "'I'm a great guy, I swear. "'It'll be a good time, I promise.'" - Oh my god, dude, back off.
- Yeah, that's convincing. - "She responded, 'Mason, you
know I'm a lesbian, right?' "The whole class bursts out in laughter, "and Mason sulks back to his seat. "He started crying and said sat down. "That's when class started. "After class, Mason came up to me "and told me that I'm an asshole "for not warning him
that she was a lesbian, "that if he'd known he
wouldn't have asked her out. "Another kid, Mason's
close friend I think, "came up to us to back Mason up. "At first I was sure
that I was in the right, "but now I'm not so sure. "Am I the asshole?" You know, yeah- - Big debate for this one. - It's a big high school story. I don't think she's the asshole. She said she's not interested. If I talk to, if I put myself
back, and this happened, this actually happened to
me probably several times. - You got down on one knee? - No. - To grab the spider
that was on your balls. - I remember in middle
school there was a girl that, at first a friend was like,
"Oh, she's interested in you. "You should talk to her." And on the day that I was
about to go talk to her, she came up to me and she goes, "Actually, yeah, she's not interested." And I was like, "Ah, okay." And I'm just, but I'm
like, what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna go... - Why? - As a guy, just in general, but like, I'm already scared of rejection. If someone says, "Your
chances are not good," I'm like, then I'm definitely not. - Yeah, exactly.
- Right. That's not very promising. - And she was in the right. That was a fair thought to be like, "I don't want to out her. "I don't know. "I'm questioning..." Even if she is out, if she's comfortable with her
just saying that to people. - She's protecting, I feel like her only goal
is to protect her friend. And in that sense, she
protected her friend. She did warn Mason,
"You are not her type." It's not her fault. You can't control people's actions. - Yeah, I'm also gonna back her up here 'cause she also could not have known that he was going to do
this big grand gesture, otherwise, obviously she
would've stopped him. Maybe if he had given like
a, "Hey, what do you think? "I'm gonna try and like woo her." Then she could have said something. But she did the right thing by being like, "Back off a little, you're not her type." Like, and he I guess
just took that as like, "I have to try harder,"
which is not the message. - It's tricky though, because
it's like, it's just tricky. I feel like that's a debatable one. Although if I were in her shoes, I would protect my friend at all costs. - [Shayne] Totally. - I don't like what Mason did though. Like, with the whole, "Why? "Because I'm a great guy." Like, it's like he needs more of an answer as to why she said no. - You gotta take no. - She had to like out herself now in front of the whole
class because he was like, "Well, why are you saying no?" She said no. It's a full sentence. - I'm a firm believer of like if you, and it should, I feel like
this is pretty standard, but like if you ask someone
out and they say no, you just gotta be like, "All right, fine." - [Arasha] "Bye." - There's no pushing that. Like, I don't believe in that. I'm a firm believer in that. I also, I just wanna
question really quick. Is he being laughed at
because she's a lesbian? Or is he being laughed at
because he got down on one knee? I think that's a bigger factor here. As a high schooler, like I just feel like
everyone would be like, "Oh my god, he got down on one knee." - Yeah. - He got down on one knee to
ask her to go to the movies. - Yeah. And I also, I will also
say, in the mindset of this, of course his friend
comes up and backs him up 'cause like he's, I feel like- - "How could you do that to Mason?" - "Why'd you do that to him?" Even though, even in his head, he's probably going, "(beep) Mason. "What the (beep) are you doing?" - Totally. It's in both cases, friends
are defending their own friend. - You gotta hold true
to your friends in that. - [Amanda] That's right. - But, so the comments
are, "Not the asshole. "Her sexuality doesn't
matter in this situation. "His choice of time, place, and manner "of asking her out matters. "I guarantee that 99% of
people would decline a date "when requested like that." Someone said, "He started crying "in the middle of a high school class? "Really?" She responded, "I guess
he really liked her, "nevermind that they've never exchanged "more than a few sentences "and they once worked on a
partner project together. "I don't know, man." - Oh god.
- Yeah. - "Not the asshole. "You had no stake in this. "Why did he start crying? "I asked many girls out
over the years that declined "and said they weren't interested. "It isn't really a big deal. "And when she informed him
why, he started crying? "Her sexuality was none of his business. "But Hannah was kind enough to
give him a very good reason. "Mason should have said,
'Uh, no, I didn't know. "'Thanks for telling me.' "If Mason is your friend,
help him work on his approach. "Maybe in the hall between
classes person to person "or maybe at lunch table,
standing or sitting preferably." (Amanda laughs) She responded, "Honestly,
after this whole debacle, "I don't think we're
gonna keep being friends." - Her and Mason? - Yeah, I guess they were
kind of low key friends, but yeah, he could have
handled this great. He could have been like,
"Oh my god, I had no idea." - Yes. - "Well, sorry, I-" - It's not really a rejection. - He had an opportunity to
be like, "Oh, it's not me. "She's just genuinely
not interested in men." Like, this is not even
a case of like rejection because of who he is. - If he'd asked it casually too, if he's just like, "Hey, like
I think you're really cool. "You wanna go to the movies?" And she's like, "Oh, I'm not interested." He was like, "Oh, oh, okay." Like, he should've stopped there. But if it came to being
like, "Oh, I'm a lesbian." If he was just like, "Oh, well, all right, "well, I think you're sick. "Like, if we wanna be
friends or something." - He's just like, "Why?" "I'm a lesbian." "Why?" - "But I'm a great guy." - "Why? "But I'm a great guy." - He's giving like nervous- - "Oh, it's 'cause I'm a guy." - He's giving nervous- (everyone laughs) - "I'm a great guy." - Yes, Mason. - That's the part. - It's not the great part. It's the guy part.
- [Arasha] It's the guy part. - Get it. - Even from the beginning he
was asking weird questions. Like, Mason just seems like super nervous, and he needs to realize
that he's doing fine. - Also like, yeah, pushing
it is just not the answer. Especially like high school, college, and honestly the world in large of just like there's so many people. Someone says no, it's like, all right. - Cool. - I'll go elsewhere. - You. - I'll talk to other people. - He goes to the teacher, "Hello. "Will you go to the movies with me?" "I'm also a lesbian, Mason." Okay. - If I could go back to
high school, college age, I would definitely be less
picky and just be like, if I feel some sort of
interest in someone, I'm gonna like explore that. - I like that. - "Do you wanna hang out,"
and like see where it goes. And if it's like, "Oh, I'm not
feeling this," then move on. And like it doesn't need to be like, "Oh my god, I need to feel this spark." It's like, it doesn't matter. - But that's what we're like
when we're in high school. - [Shayne] That's so true. - The bleeding heart, like,
"I wanna go away forever." - That's what I was like. I was like that. - I was like that too. - The gestures too. Like, him wanting to get down on one knee and making it this big romantic thing. Just like you said, it
would've been way more chill to just be like, "Hey, movies?" - It's tough. And it seems so like
why would you do that? But also when you're 16, you
have zero experience with like, or probably in his case, he has not much experience
dating and stuff. It's like you're kind of going with, and you wanna do something different and you wanna be special, and you think you gotta
do something different. - Yeah. - It's like you're gonna learn
where to pull back and... - But in kind of an endearing way. - [Shayne] Totally. - He hopefully will grow
up to do grand gestures where they are welcome. - This is a fine story
where everyone's gonna, they'll remember this, but no one's gonna be
holding this over him. - Hopefully. - If he can move on. If he allows himself to move on from it, he can move on from it. - Right, right.
- Exactly. - All right, next story. "Today I (beep) up by hooking up "with the professor's daughter. "I am a typical university student "just trying to get through finals week. "Tonight after a very
stressful day of exams "and studying for my
ancient literature class, "I decided to casually scroll Tinder. "It had been a while and I
just needed to de-stress. "Little did I know this
would cause me more stress "than I could have possibly imagined. "I swiped right on a girl who
was less than a mile away. "She was 25, a little older than me, "but she was super hot
and she seemed into me, "so I went with it. "She invited me over to her apartment "and she said that she
had to go in 20 minutes, "so make it fast. "Needless to say, we got
straight to business. "But about three minutes after we began, "we heard the front door open. "She told me to stop, so
I stopped and we listened. "The footsteps came in our direction, "and I got pretty scared. "I expected it would be like "when my parents caught me
a few years ago with my ex, "and it would be embarrassing all around. "Not at all. "The ancient literature professor
who I absolutely despise "and whose test I was
frantically studying for "walked into the room and froze. "He saw her, gasped, and then saw my face. "His face turned red "and he screamed, 'Get the
(beep) outta my house!' "I'm pretty sure I lost some of my hearing "from how loud he yelled. "Anyways, I put my shorts
on and ran back to my quad. "Now as I lay in bed, all I can think of "is how my college professor saw me naked. "Not just naked, but
raw dogging his daughter "without any clothes at all. "He already didn't like me,
and he is a very tough grader, "so I already know that I am going to "absolutely bomb this
final and destroy my GPA. "I see him tomorrow at 11:00 AM. "Wish me luck, and I'll
update with what happens." - Do we have an update? - There might be an update. So first impressions. I don't know. My first thought is also just like, hey, you just met this person. Use protection. - Yeah, not raw dog. - Come on, man. - [Arasha] Not raw dogging it. - Out of everything here,
I'm like, come on, man. - But she was super hot. - But she was super hot.
- Still. - No., no, no, no. That's the one thing. - [Arasha] Yeah. - I don't think he... I would say besides that,
am I wrong for being like, I don't know where else, you didn't actively choose anything wrong. - No, no, no.
- I don't think he did anything really
wrong other than raw dog. (everyone laughs) - Getting caught raw
dogging is also (beep) - He is (beep) now. He is (beep) - After getting, yeah.
- Also if you heard, if you heard the footsteps, wouldn't you immediately
release the raw dog and put on your shorts? - So hold on. I think that's- - Un-raw the dog. - Wouldn't you un-raw the dog? I think... - I don't like that term. - No, I think that's
kind of what happened. "But about three minutes after we began, "we heard the front door open. "She told me to stop, so I
stopped and we listened." Now that's where it's like, I
wouldn't just stop and listen. I'd be like- - [Amanda] I'd be like. - I'd be... Like, Superman, just like... - Yeah, exactly. And then like underneath the bed. - [Arasha] Right, right. - I'd go under the bed. I'd hide.
- That's what I mean. Under the bed. - Well, maybe it could be like a roommate or something, right? - Sure, that's also
where my mind might go. - Doesn't she live with her father? - Well, he didn't know that. - He didn't know that. She was just 25. So I would just be like,
"Oh, someone just came home." - I don't think he had any info. So I understand if she's, I would probably go based
on how she's feeling, but she kind of...
- Yeah. - She could've said like- - "Get your clothes on." - "It's probably my dad." - Right, right. - "Un-raw your dog." - "Un-raw your dog and
get outta me right now." - They did un-raw the dog. - [Arasha] They didn't un-raw. - So some comments here. "Better question is, "what is he doing walking
in on his daughter, "especially one that is 25?" - Oh. - The professor (beep) up. - That's actually kind of true. - That's actually so true. - Personal space. - "I feel like this is grounds "for either getting him
recused from grading your paper "or getting a remark from someone else." Someone else said, "Invited to a college
age woman's apartment, "but then the father
casually opens the door "and lets himself in. "Yeah, BS." Yeah, okay, it is strange. I do need to, there's so much
that happens that I'm not, I haven't processed that. It is absolutely strange, she's 25, that he walks into her room and then commands the man to leave. She's 25. She's allowed to do whatever she wants. They're both adults. He doesn't get to dictate that. - [Arasha] Yeah. - This is weird. - It was weird. - Yeah, like I would've
been pissed at my dad. Would've been like, "You
get the (beep) out, dad!" (crew laughs) - Yeah. - "Let's keep going wrong." - Raw it. - I was so putting myself in, I was putting myself in the guy's shoes and thinking about how I
would feel in that situation to not decipher how
weird this situation is. - Yeah. It seems like just thinking
unfortunate circumstances on that part. - Are we thinking maybe
it's not her father and that it's actually
like she's dating him? Or like, like... (Arasha gasps) - Wait. - 'Cause that would, the response of "Get the
(beep) outta my house," makes more sense if it's like, oh, some guy sleeping with my- - Wait, he doesn't know
if it's the daughter? - Well, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is like
the way that the professor, that that's not the professor's daughter. This is what I'm saying. What if that's not the
professor's daughter? That's the professor's girlfriend? - That'd be hot. - Or something. Because you walk in on someone and say, "Get the (beep) outta my house,"
is the response you'd have if your partner was cheating
on you with someone? - The plot thickens. - Right? Am I wrong? - Yes, but also that is also
like a dad, a very dad thing. - A weird... - But also it's like get
outta your daughter's or move out of your dad's house. - Move outta your dad's
house is definitely ideal. - But also sometimes, you
know, when you're out of, when you're in college,
you're out of college, sometimes it's like you
gotta live with your parents, which is totally fine. - Well, is that why she
was like 20 minutes? - Living with your parents is fine. - [Amanda] Privacy. - But this dad is weird. - Yeah. - I almost hope that he's not the father because if he's the father,
I think he's a weird dad. - Who's the father? - All right, let's see. Let's read this update. - [Arasha] Okay. - All right. - Oh, good, yay. - But most importantly, most of the comments think it's fake. They just think it's fake
and not a real story. They think this guy's
lying about all of this. - Yes.
- Well, he did add in raw dog. It's like, you wish.
- That's true, that's true. He's like, "Dude, I was looking up
with this super hot chick." - "Raw dogging for hours!"
- "And she let me go raw." - Okay, okay. (crew laughs) Update. - That's impressive.
- Yeah. - Update. "Short update because
I have taken the exam, "but I still don't know what's going on. "I'm going to start out
all the personal info "because this blew up a lot
more than I wanted it to, "and I'd rather not turn this
into a school-wide scandal. "I shuffled into class praying "that my life wasn't about to
be ruined by this professor. "Thankfully, the TA came
into the room and said, "due to a family emergency, "Professor Blank will not
be proctoring today's exam. "He will email you back
with your graded exam "by the end of Saturday. "Right after the TA said this, "she started handing out the tests. "When she came to me, she
gave me this look and laughed "before giving me the exam. "I thought, great. "Now the administration probably knows. "Anyways, I took the test, "and actually I think I did pretty well. "As soon as I got outta the
room, I checked my email. "It's a habit. "And Professor Blank had emailed me. "Below is the email without the names. "'OP, please meet my wife, myself, "'and the Dean of the
Academic Affairs in room blank "'in the blank building
tomorrow at 1:00 PM. "'There we'll discuss our
situation and how to proceed. "'Thank you in advance
for your understanding "'and cooperation. "'Best, Professor Blank.' "I don't know what to think. "First of all, I didn't do anything wrong. "I have no idea why his
wife is getting involved, "but there was verbal and written consent, "and if I need to, "I can use the Tinder
DM history to prove it. "Also, his daughter has an IUD, "so there's no way that
this is going to turn "into a pregnancy." - Hence the raw dog. - "The main thing I'm worried about "is how this will affect my
relationship with my professors "and the administration. "I guess I'll update again
tomorrow after the meeting." Okay. Comments are, "Maybe he's
doing the right thing "and getting himself out of grading you. "Wife there just to not be left out "of whatever their
family is going through." Someone else commented, "Maybe you actually (beep) his wife." - I was just gonna say. - "And that's why the Dean of
Academic Affairs is involved." - I was just gonna say that. - His wife of 25 years? - Maybe that was his wife. - Maybe that was also a joke of affairs. But I think maybe the
professor, I don't know. - That's way too far. Like, if it's your daughter and she's 25, why would you get the dean involved? - I still, I think it
has to be his daughter and he's just being like
this very protective father, which naturally, I guess
you would be as a parent. I think he's just pissed and
he needs somebody to blame because it's like, "How
could I have walked in "on my daughter just
having sex with this guy "and it happens to be one of my students." So he's like reacting. But yes, the student did
not do anything wrong. He never obviously knew that
this was his professor's kid. - He didn't do anything. He was just hooking up with someone. - Yeah. - But is it the wife? - So he put an edit after
he read a bunch of comments. He was like, "Okay, after reading comments "about it possibly being his wife, "his reaction in the meeting
makes a lot of sense. "And she never said anything
about her and his relationship. "However, I still very much
hope that's not what happened "and I just terrified him "at the thought of being
his future son-in-law." But there's another update. - Thank God, I was like... - "Update two. "I cuckolded my professor." (crew laughs) - Raw. - Dog. - Raw. - Dog. Raw dog.
- Okay. "You guys wanted an update, so here it is. "Over the last couple hours, "I have gone from being terrified
of possibly getting sued "to possibly becoming a school legend. "Unfortunately, a few of my
friends found my Reddit post "and because of the class name "and my professor being absent, "they know exactly what happened. "Anyways, here's the update. "Right after making the last post, "I got an email saying that
the meeting had been changed. "Everyone involved was
supposed to meet a little later "in a noise proof room "because they didn't
want anyone else to hear "or get involved. "Anyways, we met at around
2:30, and the professor "and the Dean of Academic
Affairs sat across from me. "Like many of you predicted, his wife, "the person who I now
know was the 'daughter' "that I hooked up with walked
in with a ring this time. "Luckily, she and the professor didn't try "to make any claims like
assault or malicious intent. "Surprisingly, the meeting
was pretty quiet and simple. "Two other professors would
evaluate the class exams "instead of Professor
Blank to ensure fairness. "Under the student handbook, "the professor if they have
an issue with a student "is required to submit
all of my previous exams, "class materials to the
administration for evaluation. "Probably obvious, but the
scheduling office will put me "into another professor's
class next semester. "I know that the meeting
went as well as it could, "but my situation is far from perfect "because my friends found the posts "and have told a large
portion of our friend group. "Damn casual Tinder hookups." Wow, so he slept with
the professor's wife. - First of all, the
professor's wife was on Tinder. - Wow. - And (beep) wanted to cheat. - And didn't wear the ring too. - Still not really his fault. And what did she say? "I have an IUD." How old was she? - 25. - Oh, like, sorry, I kind
of misread something. She never said that was her father. He interpreted that as her father. - Oh. - That was all his interpretation. So going back though, yeah,
she should have damn been like, "Get your (beep) clothes on. "Like, get the (beep) "Get the (beep)" - Yeah. - They just sat and listened. Just waited. - Listened. - She knew then what she was doing, so she clearly could have
avoided that situation. - You know what this also, I feel like- - I'm so involved. - Also go to his place. - Well... - He lives in the quads. - Quads, yeah. She doesn't wanna- - The quads are greater than that. - If you walk in to hook up with someone, they go, "We have 20
minutes, so make this quick," you (beep) know what might
be happening. (laughs) - Why didn't she tell him
to get his clothes on? - I don't know. - Well, him even being there
still would be suspicious. He had to have like stayed hidden. - Yeah, if he got all his clothes on, she was just like, "I don't
know who this guy is!" - "Your student is here
to study with you." - "Hello, professor. "I came by to..." - Yeah, exactly. God. Didn't he assume... Like, he was probably in their home? Weren't there photos of them? Whatever.
- I don't know. - He was there for one
job and one job only. - But I think it was very quick. It was probably late at night. They're just quick to the bedroom. - Quick. - Doing it. I'm guessing, it's a professor, that the professor's much older. - Oh. - So it seems fair that he thought, oh, this 25-year-old woman
is his daughter not his wife. - Well, she's clearly not
happy in that relationship or- - Well, I think she or
she's like, I don't know. - I don't know. - I have no idea. - Maybe he can't raw dog her. - That's kind of what I'm wondering. - She's looking for it. (crew laughs) - She has an IUD, she's protected. - She's in search for the raw. - Okay, moving on from that wild one. "Am I the asshole for
leaving my husband at home "while I spend the week at my brother's "because of how he 'buys' groceries?" "Buys" groceries. Okay? - What does he do? - All right. - What? - "I've been in a committed relationship "with my husband for 17 years, "and overall things have been great. "We've had a few rough patches,
but what's important to note "is that while he earns more than me "and is considered the main provider, "I have a substantial trust fund "that ensures we're financially stable. "I work part-time as a teacher
while attending university, "earning less than him "and most of my income
goes towards tuition. "Our household income
exceeds 200K annually, "while the average in
our area is below 50K." Damn. "One ongoing issue we have
is my husband's frugality. "He likes to control my spending "and have the final say on
how he uses his earnings. "It's worth mentioning "that I've never used any of his income "and have no intention to do so." - Oh. - Yeah. "However, the main point of contention "between us is his frequent
visits to food banks. "Despite having more
than enough food at home, "he insists on going to
food banks to save money. "He intentionally looks disheveled "and uses our beat up car to blend in, "even though he's never
experienced food scarcity. "I've explained to him the
need for food donations "in our community, "even showing him social media
posts from local food banks. "But he remains indifferent. "I suggested he volunteer "or donate to gain firsthand
experience, but he refuses. "The unfortunate part "is that since we're never short on food, "most of what he brings home
ends up getting thrown away. "Today I discovered our fridge
filled with fresh produce "and meat that clearly didn't come "from our regular grocery store. "When I confronted him, he
admitted to going to a food bank "after seeing a Facebook post "about a donation of fresh food. "People on social media were
already asking if any was left "and there wasn't. "I showed him these comments,
but he brushed them off, "claiming people should have gone earlier. "Exhausted by the situation, "I packed a bag and went
to stay with my brother "for the weekend asking for
space to think things over. "My husband accuses me of
overreacting, being vindictive, "and threatens to go
back to the food banks "regardless of my feelings. "His family is also messaging me, "calling me an asshole for urging me "to stop interfering with his choices. "I turned off my phone, "but now they're bombarding
my brother with messages. "Thankfully he supports my
decision and ignores them. "All I want is to enjoy
the rest of my week "without being angry at my husband. "Yes, I could let this
go and not scold him, "but the food he takes
could have gone to people "who truly need it. "I'm not leaving my husband, "but I need a few days
away to gain some clarity. "Am I wrong for wanting this space?" - Wow.
- No. That's the weirdest thing
I've heard in my life. - That's a weird asshole. - At first I was like, oh,
he's just trying to save money. She needs to relax. Like, she doesn't need
everything at the grocery store. And then it was like, oh
no, he's taking donations from other people at the food bank. - There are so many levels of weird that you could do of like,
oh, he goes to Costco and just does samples to like- - Sure. - Eat food. It's like, all right,
yeah, you can do that. Or like extreme couponing or I don't know. There's a million ways to
buy groceries in weird ways. - Yeah. - But that's not a weird way. That's a (beep) asshole- - That's a messed up way of saving money.
- Super (beep) way. The fact that he also
like dishevels himself and uses the beat up card,
he knows what he is doing. - Yeah. - [Shayne] He knows what he's doing. - Manipulative.
- So (beep) up. - He can't play the card of like, "Oh, I thought that was for everyone," which is (beep) but like- - And she has a trust fund, so technically she has
more money than him. - Their household income exceeds $200,000 in an area that is an
average of below 50K. So this isn't like they
live in New York City. They are living somewhere where they have extreme excess funds and like they are, this is so stupid. - It's so twisted. Like, they could live much
more like luxuriously even, but instead they're
going the exact opposite. - He's very frugal. But he sounds too controlling,
and, I don't know. I know she's not gonna leave her husband, but that's kind of big. - Well, I think also we
gotta point out the fact that he gets so much that still they end up throwing some away. - Oh, that's what, that's the- - Oh, that's awful. - So frustrating and awful. - That's terrible to see. - And his remark of like, "Well, they should get there earlier." It's like people who are impoverished generally are working 'til late, don't have the opportunity to get there. - Might not have a car.
- Maybe they can't have a car. Yeah, they have to walk
there, take the bus. - Yeah, they're taking the
bus, they're getting there, it's like, oh yeah, some
guy in a car who makes 200K just pulled up. - No, that's really manipulative. - Dump his ass. - I know there's no way
for food banks to check. Like, but it's just it's so
frustrating 'cause oh man. - I hate that. - He's attacking this system that doesn't do background checks because obviously on a normal person, why would they do that? - They're not also expecting this (beep) - [Arasha] Right. - Like, that guy he makes 200K a year. It's like, what? Get outta here. - He's trying to like outsmart a system that is just simply not made for him. - Something also to be
pointed out is that, you know, most food banks, fresh
food is rare at food banks. You know, it's a lot
more like canned goods. Things that can last a lot longer. So he took an opportunity
to take something that probably a lot of
people really desperately- - Yeah, there were comments. - Yeah. That's- - That's heartbreaking. - It's mind blowing. This guy needs therapy so bad to figure out what is
going on in his brain. - What's the insecurity of money? Like, do you think it's gonna run out? - I mean, but I think it's also a, this is a microcosm of
like a lot of things of wealth hoarding where
it's like people have so much more money than they
even use or would ever need, but they have this feeling of like, "I need more and more
and I need to save this." It's like why? Like, what?
- Yeah. The wife is like, "We're good." - He needs to go to therapy and figure out where that comes from. - 100%. - But the family's also justifying it. So this family clearly does this. - They have an issue with money. - He was probably raised like that too. - Like it's, "You need to save everything. "It'll go away." - The family was like, "We have money but we
don't wanna tap into it, "so this is how you have to live." - So first comment, "How did he grow up?" "We both grew up wealthy, "but to him he doesn't feel like he did "because his parents worked. "They're local business owners. "And mine did not have traditional jobs, "as my mom was a stay-at-home mom "and my dad focused mostly
on doing charitable work. "In my husband's mind,
I grew up privileged "and he had to work for everything he has, "which is just objectively not true." Yeah, it sounds like
they're both so wealthy. When you grow up in a certain situation, it's easy to think like,
"Oh, no, I had to work hard." It's like, 'cause you haven't met people who really had to work hard. - Really had to work hard. - And you don't understand that. - And didn't have
something to fall back on. - Yeah, 'cause I grew up in
a upper middle class area, and like I just didn't
have a concept of it, of other classes, like other, you know, income levels and stuff, until you get out there and you see it and you meet people and
you're like, oh, oh, okay. Oh, I understand now. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - And it takes that, and I guess he just hasn't
done that at all in his life. I don't know how to, I
can't defend this guy. Like, I always try to like be like, okay, maybe I understand
where he is coming from, but he is in fact going to the areas. And he's also, it's like I said- - Acting like- - It goes back to he dishevels himself and uses the beat up car. - Yeah. - [Shayne] This guy's a monster. - The theme there is privilege, and if you have it,
you need to acknowledge and recognize that you have it, and he's doing the exact
opposite by not claiming it. - Dump his ass. - I actually do think this is divorce-able 'cause that's some psycho- - I do too. - That's psycho behavior. - Yeah. - Someone else says, "Not the asshole. "This is completely unhinged. "A man making 200K "while married to a
woman with a trust fund "going to a food bank is unacceptable. "I couldn't live like that,
and I also couldn't live "with someone controlling
how the money was spent. "You're absolutely not
wrong to want space. "I would want permanent space." - Yeah. - Yeah, and I also,
based on her description, I think she's like mega wealthy. Like, it's like, "Oh my dad just mainly
does charitable work." It's like you guys are... - (beep) rich. - "My dad's name is Bruce Wayne." (everyone laughs) It's like, no, I think
if he's married to her, I'd be like, we're good. - We're good. - I don't need to work. - But it's not even that
he is being like frugal. He is being extremely controlling. And he's not like at all having
a conversation about this. If she's leaving 'cause you're
going to food banks, dude... - No, that's totally fair. If she says that to
anyone, they'd be like, "Oh yeah, get a divorce." - [Amanda] Yeah. - Someone says, "Girl, why the
(beep) have you spent close "to two decades with someone "who tries to control your spending "and literally steals from people "who can't afford groceries? "I don't care that anyone
can go to the food bank. "If you're bringing home 200K a year "and get your groceries from a food bank, "you're stealing food from
people who need the charity." - [Amanda] Yes. - "Not the asshole. "And please, oh my god,
divorce him yesterday." - I love it. Girl, divorce him yesterday. - It's also important to
point out like, you know, she sounds like she's set
for the rest of her life. She just needs to get
the (beep) outta there. - [Arasha] Yeah.
- [Amanda] Yeah, man. - And she's doing a lot. It sounds like she's a awesome person, like, you know, part-time
teacher and stuff. I feel like she could move on
and meet someone way better. - 100%.
- Yeah. She would thrive without him. - Yeah, I think- - Girl, dump him yesterday. (everyone laughs) - Last comment. "As someone who has had to
rely on food banks in the past, "not the asshole. "Holy (beep) OP, leave your husband. "Maybe report him to the local food banks "as someone who abuses them "when his income clearly
proves he doesn't need it." - Ooh. - [Shayne] Yeah, if
that's something, do it. - Report and then divorce. - Do it. Do that. Tell everyone what he does. Tell everyone. Tell his friends. Tell every person you possibly
can that he does that (beep) - [Amanda] Yep. - He's going to just change the system of how things are processed
at the food bank too, which is just gonna make
everything more difficult for the people who just need to walk in and get what they need. - I feel like the stereotype is often, the stereotype that you
hear on like news channels and stuff is like, "Oh, low income people are
the ones abusing the system." And it's like here's a
(beep) wealthy ass dude abusing the system. - Trying to pretend like he's low income. - Yeah, it's some absolute (beep) - [Amanda] Yeah. - That's one of the worst guys. - Yeah. - 'Cause that's just an
insane, it's just insane. There's zero justification for it. - And he's being a dick about it, and he's getting his whole
family to be dicks about it. - There's also always
the element of even if what someone is doing in the
story isn't an asshole move, how they treat their
partner is still a factor. - Right. - And maybe they're doing
something justified, but how they treat their
partner makes them an asshole, and he treats his partner like she's- - [Amanda] Garbage. - Garbage. - And her own family too. Like, her brother getting
harassed by his family. Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah, it's insane. Get away. Get away from that family. - [Amanda] Yeah. - All right, moving on from that guy. "Today I (beep) up by donating $15,041 "to a poor community in Bangladesh "instead of the $150 donation I intended." Okay. (Amanda laughs) "This happened in February of last year, "but my friends have
been telling me I need "to post this online,
so here goes nothing. "My wife and I, both 31
years old at the time, "moved into a new three
unit apartment building "in San Francisco. "One of our neighbors is
a 70-something-year-old "retired veteran, we'll call him Joe. "For context, Joe is a white American guy, "and he's also a devout Hindu priest. "One day I run into Joe in the hallway, "and he tells me about
this charity he manages "for a community in Bangladesh. "I wanted to support my
neighbor and the charity, "so I asked Joe to send
me the GoFundMe link. "The next day at work, I
go on the GoFundMe page "and donate $150 or so I thought. "Moments later I get a
text on my phone warning me "of an unusually large
transaction on my credit card. "I'm confused and swiped
to open the text message. "It says I have made a payment
of $15,041 to GoFundMe. "Immediately I'm sweating. "How could I have donated $15,000? "I spend the next 10 to 15
minutes retracing my steps, "and finally I realized
my credit card starts "with the numbers four and one. "It seems I had accidentally "started typing my credit card information "while my cursor was
still in the donation box. "And just like 150 became 15,041. "Yikes. "I call GoFundMe support line in a panic, "and when I finally connect with a human, "I explain what happened. "'No need to worry,' he tells me. "'They will initiate a
refund of the transaction, "'which should process in
three to seven business days.' "That's a huge relief. "But then I ask the agent "if the charity will be
able to see the donation "on the GoFundMe page
until it is refunded. "'What do you mean?' The agent asked me. "'What do you mean what do
I mean?' was my response. "'Will they be able to
see the $15,041 donation?' "'Unfortunately, yes,' the agent tells me. "'They'll be able to see it "'until the refund process is complete.' "I tell him that's a big problem "as the entire GoFundMe
had hardly raised that much "at that point. "Surely they will notice their fundraiser "doubling overnight. "My plan was to knock on Joe's
door the following morning "to give him the full story, "so that he could pass it along "to his contacts in Bangladesh. "But when I woke up the next
morning, I looked at my phone "and saw I had 40 plus
notifications on Facebook. "Someone had sent me a friend request, "had liked many of my old posts, "and had sent me many messages. "Immediately I was concerned "when I saw that the
individual messaging me "had a Hindu name, "but I never could have
imagined what I saw "when I opened his first message. "The man had sent me a video of himself "from Bangladesh surrounded by dozens." Hold on, this is so rough. Okay. "The man had sent me a video of himself "from Bangladesh surrounded
by dozens of impoverished "and hungry people holding bags of food, "thanking me by name, Michael,
for my generous donation. "A big round of applause for Michael. "At this point, I've leapt
out of my bed and I'm pacing. "Part of me wants to scream, "part of me wants to crack up laughing. "I start swiping through
the man's messages, "and it is picture after
picture after picture "of more Bangladeshis thanking
me for my kind donation. "Literally hundreds of photos
of frail, elderly, disabled, "and malnourished individuals
holding signs with my name. "Thank you, Michael. "Thank you, Michael. "I've uploaded a portion of
the video and a few photos "for you guys to see here." Oh my god. - Oh. - Oh, oh my god. Oh (laughs) oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm laughing 'cause this
is an insane situation to be stuck in. - Oh. - [Shayne] Okay, so... - Oh my god. - So he sees the direct
impact that this makes. "Needless to say, "I couldn't live with
myself just donating $150 "after seeing how the
community responded to $15,041. "I decided the least I
could do was to add a zero, "and so I donated 1,500 "once the original donation was refunded. "The charity's host
was incredibly gracious "and understanding, "and he explained to me
that $1,500 goes very far "in Bangladesh for urgent food relief. "Here is the charity's new GoFundMe link "if you wanna check it out. "Ultimately, I think the whole
experience was a win-win. "I helped a great cause, and I
got a funny story out of it." Okay. So to recap, he got it refunded,
but then he donated 1,500. - [Arasha] Okay. - But... - I don't know. I feel like I would have to
find a way to get the 15,000 and just eat it. Just (beep) eat it. - I don't know. The problem is I don't know
this guy's financial situation. - No, right, exactly. Exactly. - I mean, he's got 15,000 to deposit. - He's got 15,000. - No, that could have been like,
I mean, I get it, but like- - It could have been everything. If that was everything, it's like- - I don't know. I think I would ask friends
and family and just eat it. - Some comments here. "Best post on here in ages. "Thank you for the great story "and for helping out those folks. "$1,500 is still very generous. "Man, this got me good. "I hope you didn't get behind "on bills or anything after this mix up." I will say the fact that
his original intention was 150 bucks. - Which is still a great donation. - So he still timesed that
by 10 and like, you know, it's still big deal.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Someone said, "Holy (beep) man. "That put a pit in my
stomach just reading. "I can't imagine how you felt, LOL. "(beep) happens. "Glad your neighbor was understanding, "and good for you for
going the extra mile. "Watch this post blow up "and a (beep) ton of Redditors donate. "That would be awesome." - [Arasha] Yes. - Someone else said, "Oh man, what a ride. "I'd feel horrible. "I hope Reddit comes through and helps. "I'll throw in a few bucks
and maybe others will too." - Oh. - There's a GoFundMe link we can see. - Oh my god. - I hope it's like surpassed. - He posted it to Reddit, and
this went viral, so, okay. So their goal, they're at 93K
raised of 108K goal, so... - Oh my god. - That's awesome. - Wait, that's amazing. - Not gonna cry. Not gonna cry. - Aw! - What a wonderful, wonderful thing that this like hilarious
story has brought. - It actually ended up being
better that this all happened and he posted it. - Shayne's gonna cry. - What? I'm not gonna cry. - [Arasha] Stop, stop, stop. - I'm not gonna cry! - Stop, we're talking about assholes. - I had to look away, like
seeing the photo and everything. I'm like- - So sweet. - Yeah, the photos. And you know that they
were not going to be upset if he was just like, "Crazy story. "I had to refund it." - Yeah, the fact that they were so cool. They're like, "Oh man, it's all good." - I love that they all have a thing. Thank you, Michael. - Thank you, Michael. I (beep) you not, that
sounds like a plot line for "The Office." Like, Michael Scott would
accidentally do that and be like- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - "I have to bring it back
while still being cool." So there's an update as of
literally a couple weeks ago. "Thanks for your kindness. "Our ability to bring relief to others "has multiplied many, many times. "It is unbelievable. "We have been struggling
over the past several months, "yet in the last 24 hours, "over 1,800 donations have
been received at GoFundMe, "the largest single day in our history. "We're astounded at the
support we have seen, "and this totally helps our effort. "Kindly take a moment and share
our campaign with friends, "coworkers, and gentle souls. "This will help us extend our reach "to more people more often." As of right now of reading this, it's not far off from their goal, but we'll post the link
down below and check it out. Keep it going. - That was super meaningful of that guy to think of putting the
link in there as well. - I know. It really turned out well. And he, you know, on Reddit, you don't know if something's
gonna go viral or not. - So basically it's almost like
he did eat the money almost, but didn't have to. Know what I mean? - It all, see what he
should have thought of, should have said all this, posted, this all goes viral, tons of donations, and then he retracts it silently. - He's like, "I got my 1,500 back." - This is one of the
coolest stories we've ever- - Wow.
- Oh my god. - We'll post the link. We'll post the link. You can be part of it too. - [Arasha] Please. - You know. - What a cool story. - So heartwarming. Wow. - That was the sweetest
story we've ever read here. Genuinely made me tear up. So great. All right, but let's
move on to some insanity. So this subreddit that we're about to
read is Wedding Shaming. Amanda, you know a little
bit about weddings, right? - Yeah, baby. - [Arasha] Yeah, you
wanna get married, right? - I got married. - What? (Shayne and crew laugh) - Arasha, you know this. - Oh, right. - She's playing, you guys. - Oh, right, right, right, right. - Yes, I got married. So did Kimmy. - Yeah, so did Kimmy. - We got married. - To each other? - Yep, Kimmy and I are
married to each other. Finally what the fans want. - [Arasha] How did I not know this. - And your weddings went off great. - [Amanda] Yes. - There was no major issues. No cringe moments. Nothing embarrassing. Nothing massively embarrassing. - My mom made a slideshow
of me and baby pictures. - [Shayne] That sounds great. - Me looking awful in a lot of 'em. - [Shayne] But that's normal. - [Arasha] I'm gonna text your mom. - That's normal. (Amanda laughs) - Cindy, let me get those photos. - Weddings I feel like always
have something embarrassing. - [Amanda] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But that's not like- - Nothing like cringey
or anything like that. - So let's see how this feels. - [Amanda] Woo. - All right. "Maid of honor keeps making
jokes about a threesome "with the couple publicly all wedding." (everyone laughs) - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. - "Last night was the rehearsal dinner "and they had some toasts, "and the maid of honor got really wasted "and in her speech made
two references like, "'You never know what
the future could bring. "'Maybe we'll have a threesome.' "Laughs. "It was almost funny the first time, "and she was wasted so whatever. "Second time she referenced a
threesome in the same speech, "you could see the mood in
the room change to cringe, "and the bride and groom
got really uncomfortable. "Today is the wedding, and she's
already hinted at it again. "This time saying
something about a throuple "while people are trying to get ready. "Like, this is so (beep) weird, right? "It really reads as
haha funny joke, unless. "Like, for some reason she
thinks this is her last shot. "I sort of got the vibe
she wanted the bride "more than the groom and
probably is half in love with her "or something. "But Christ, keep it to
yourself on their wedding day. "Nobody needs to hear how
you wanna (beep) the couple. "And it's just sad and extra cringe "if she's just lusting after the bride "and she shouldn't have agreed
to be the maid of honor. "I don't know her at all, "but I hope one of their
other friends says something. "The ceremony hasn't even started yet, "and we have a long day ahead of us." - That is so funny. Everybody wants to (beep)
the bride and groom on their wedding day.
- Did this person write this before the ceremony? - I think it's before the ceremony. - She's in the bathroom in
her dress just being like, "Gotta write this." - This is like as it's happening, like... Some comments. "Someone would be doing her a huge favor "if they would just take her aside "and tell her that her
jokes are falling flat "and giving everyone the cringes." - Yes. - Someone else says, "Why is
no one speaking to this woman? "There are how many people
involved in the wedding? "I'm talking about the bride, groom, "bridal party, groomsmen,
and everyone else. "There has to be at least
one person with the smarts "to talk to this woman "and let her know that
her jokes aren't funny "and are actually making
the bride uncomfortable. "Even if you don't know
this person that well, "she needs to be told
to shut the (beep) up "about this throuple (beep) already. "It's not funny. "Nor is it appropriate
to add to her speech. "Maybe she shouldn't be
giving a speech at this point. "The poor bride." The OP responds, "I will say something to her
or get the bride's sister to. "I really am kind of an
onlooker in this wedding "and was only at the rehearsal dinner "because I'm married to
someone in the wedding "but don't know almost anyone. "Today I'm playing gopher
and running errands for them. "It's def (beep) up. "And when the reception and
after party festivities begin, "I'm sure with everyone drinking
again, it'll get worse." Someone said, "One sexual
joke, that was awkward, "but they were just trying to be funny. "Two sexual jokes, oh, this
is what they think about "when they're alone at night." OP responded, "Exactly. "Like, okay, kind of cringe
sexual joke from a drunk person. "Weddings be like that sometimes, "but two to three times the same joke? "They are thirsting." - Discomfort. - So there is an update. - They (beep) - She's in love with the bride. - "I talked to the bride's sister first. "I am a chicken and was afraid "to go right to the maid of honor "and had to psych myself up for even this. "Basically the maid of honor
was roommates with the bride. "Y'all called it. "And isn't happy she's being
kicked out of the house, "the bride owns, by the way, "now that they are getting married. "The groom lived with them too
for about a year and a half, "and all three were good friends "before they ever got together. "Everyone values their friendships "and are trying to ignore it
because it's been hard on her. "Sister doesn't think
it's an unrequited love. "She thinks it's bitterness
from losing her bestie "to her other bestie. "But I don't know. "That sounds like
infatuation to me at least. "Bride's sister said she
would confront maid of honor "because yeah, it's (beep) "She didn't think anyone
else was picking up on it, "but that's embarrassing AF. "Ceremony hasn't happened yet. "We shall see." No more updates, so... - I just love that she's
still in the bathroom just (beep) writing this Reddit story. - She's like, "What do y'all think? "And hurry 'cause reception's starting." - Ooh, that is so awkward. - That's really rough. - That is a hard thing. When a third person gets involved and you are living with someone and you start dating that
person and you all were friends, it is really painful for the other person. But also- - But also process it elsewhere and don't start announcing
sexual jokes at their wedding. - She probably made her a maid of honor because she felt, you know, like, okay, I'll make you a maid of honor. But honestly that bride
needs to set a boundary. Like, "Girl, I own this home." - Yeah, yeah. It's just weird. And like even if you have a
good rapport with someone, at a wedding as a speech, it's like, all right, if nobody else
gets the context, it's weird. Like, it's weird. I shouldn't say an in joke. Like, even if they had a
bunch of inside jokes of like, haha threesomes, don't
say that at your speech. - Like, their parents
could be at the wedding. It's just making everybody uncomfortable. - Be considerate. - She's also into someone. She's into one of them. - Yeah. - 'Cause that's like, that's not just like
they got rid of the home. Like, I feel like there's
something going on. - Right 'cause if she was angry, it would give more of
like jabs in the speech. Like, underhand remarks. - Yeah. - But it's giving more like, "Oh, but we're all in love
with each other, aren't we?" - But it also sounds like
she's a bit of a mess 'cause she's getting drunk.
- [Arasha] Yeah, big mess. - [Shayne] All that stuff. - Big mess. - I know people get drunk at weddings, but it sounds like she's
getting really drunk. - [Arasha] Yeah. - [Amanda] God. - Yeah. - No update? - Without an update that it went fine. That everything went fine. - The sister will always take care of it. - Yeah, yeah. - See, that's why I made
my sister my maid of honor 'cause she was just on it. She was like, "I'm your bitch for the day. "Whatever you need." I was like, great, I need a lot. - And she just immediately
punched someone. - She punched like six people. - [Shayne] That's awesome. - When I walked through
the street, she was like... - [Arasha] Hell yeah. - I walked through street and forgot I was wearing my wedding dress, and people were like... And I was like, what is going on? I was like, oh yeah.
- You were like, "It's me, from Smosh." - It's me. It's me from Smosh, okay. They're like no, you're
in a full wedding gown with a crown on. - All right, here's our next story. - [Amanda] Yay. - Has a good title. "Today I (beep) up by thinking
my laser hair removal nurse "was complimenting my asshole." (crew laughs) - Nurse? - Okay. Nurse. - There are nurses now? (everyone laughs) - Okay. "Obligatory this happened
a couple of days ago, "but I've only just
psychologically recovered "from my utter embarrassment. "So after lockdown ended in my country, "there's been a huge sale "at my local laser hair removal clinic. "And so I thought (beep)
it, might as well go for it. "So I paid for my 10 visits
and set off for the first one. "A little nervous but excited
for my new hairless body. "Now I decided it would be a great idea "to get a full Brazilian all
the way from front to back. "Pretty normal, right? "The lovely nurse comes in
and gives me a brief head up, "explains how it all sort of works. "So she leaves the room,
leaving me to strip down. "She comes back in and
decides that we are going "to laser away the hair
around my asshole first." - Ouch. - "All well and good, right? "So the instructions I'm given
are lay on your right side "and use your left hand
to pull up your bum cheek. "So here I am lying on my
side, hand pulling up my bum "while this lady sticks a
laser around my asshole. "Now on my left hand I wear
this gorgeous silver ring "with a bright blue gem. "It was handmade by my
best friend's boyfriend, "so it's pretty unique. "So this lady saw my gorgeous ring "and decided to break
the awkward silence with, "'That's a cute ring you have there.' "And of course I happen "to forget I was wearing the damn ring. "It just made sense in my head "that this nurse was complimenting
the ring of my asshole." (everyone laughs) "Yeah, I know. "So still on my side. "I tell her thank you. "It'll be a lot nicer
when it's hairless, LOL." - No. - Oh my gosh. - "Cue awkward laugh and
then silence until I realized "that she was not in fact
talking about my bum. "Finish the rest of the
appointment without speaking "and dashed out of there
as soon as possible. "Still recovering." - She said, "Hehe, thank you." - [Shayne] Thanks, yeah. - Wait, what? - [Shayne] I have a good asshole. - Why didn't the nurse- - Go, "Oh, I was-" - "Oh, I was talking about your ring. "That's hilarious." No, instead she just went... And why is she a nurse? (everyone laughs) - Let her have her degree. - I think for laser hair removal maybe you have to be a medical- - [Arasha] You gotta be certified. - You have to be like certified
a medical practitioner. Like, something. - Wow. - Well, she was specific. She was like, "That's a cute ring." - I would never think my asshole ring. - Yeah, I wouldn't think that either. I don't know what I would think. - Well, you're in a
compromising position, you know? - You are literally caught
with your asshole out. (laughs) - I just don't know why people love to sit in that awkward silence. Why didn't any one of them say, "You know, I thought you were
talking about my asshole, "but you're talking about my ring, "and now we just have to sit here." - Well, it's hard in moments like that. - I think what you have to also realize, and I've talked to people who are doctors and stuff about like
how normal it becomes, like mundane it becomes. Like, this woman looks
at assholes all day. This is nothing to her. She does not care. It's really not actually that awkward. That's probably not the most awkward thing that's happened to her. People have probably
farted in her face a lot. What? Tell me that hasn't happened. - [Arasha] It's definitely happened. - They have to pull their bum cheek up and you're expecting
nothing to like (laughs) More embarrassing things have happened. I think this is hilarious. Someone said, "Only nine
more awkward visits to go." - Oh yeah.
- That's right. 'Cause that asshole ain't
getting hairless right away. - You gotta walk in and
immediately just go, "I thought you were talking
about my butt hole." - "But you were talking about this ring. "This ring. "My brother's girlfriend,
boyfriend made it. "It's very intricate." - You'll be seeing a new
specialist from here on out. No way. - Someone else said, "You and I are two very different people. "Had that happened to
me, I'd be coming on here "to brag about the greatest
joke I ever came up with." Someone else said, "This made me laugh. "Can just imagine the
waves of embarrassment. "In my last laser hair removal session, "both me and the lady had
masks and those dark glasses. "So any form of facial
expression was completely hidden. "At one point she said,
turn around please, "which sounds a lot like
laugh please in my language. "So I proceeded to laugh awkwardly, "thinking she wanted to
test some sort of movement "in my body while I laughed." See? Not the most embarrassing thing. I'll be honest, I think I can relate to this because if I was in this position, I wouldn't want to talk at all. I wouldn't want to talk. Like, I am so uncomfortable. Even like massages, like, I'm
just like, I'm dead silent. Like, I don't wanna, and
when they say something, I'm just like, "Yeah, yeah, for sure." Like, I'm so uncomfortable. - "Is this okay?" "Yeah, it's okay." "Is this okay?" "Yeah, it's okay." - "That's fine." - I don't like talking in massages either just because of the like the relaxation. - Right, but I think if I were doing, if I did any sort of laser hair removal or waxing in any sort of
compromising place on my body, I would be like, let's
just pretend we're robots. - Next video.
- Sometimes it's them, like who are the ones wanting to talk. - Yes. - So I can see why she- - 'Cause they're used to it all day. They're just doing it all day. They don't care. - Exactly, so I can see why she was like, as a little icebreaker, just
being like, "Cute ring." - "How's your day?" - Yeah. - "Ooh, getting married?" And you're like, "Yeah. "Wanna laser my asshole." God.
- Yeah. - Moving on. - [Arasha] Wow. - Nothing else to say. - [Amanda] Good cue. - Here we go. "Today I (beep) up by
complimenting a girl's skirt. "Happened a couple weeks ago. "I was at a party and saw
a girl across the room. "She was wearing a skirt,
holding a drink in one hand, "and had the other hand in her pocket. "I saw her skirt, thought to myself, "how cool that skirt is having pockets. "A lot of women I know complain
about not having pockets, "so this is a very progressive thing." (crew laughs) "A bit later I got
around to talking to her. "I complimented her skirt "and how pockets in a skirt is great. "She looked very confused, "said, 'My skirt doesn't have pockets. "'Why would you think that?' "I mentioned that I had seen her earlier "with her hand in her pocket. "Her face went bright red "and revealed that her hand was amputated. "What I thought was her hand in her pocket "was her stump resting against her hip. "I apologized immediately, "but luckily she thought it was funny "because she'd never
heard that comment before. "I'm still dying inside though." (Amanda laughs) - Oh. - That did not go where I
thought it was going to go. - How cool of her to be
like, "No," and then laugh. - Yeah. - "What did you say?" (everyone laughs) - Oh my god, she just- - She sounds awesome. - It was just chilling. - She sounds awesome. I could understand if
you're across the room and even if it's like a party
that's like maybe darkly lit or something, you wouldn't know. Well, I mean, I get it. - I'm just so confused how much thought he put into
the skirt having a pocket and being like- - He wanted to talk to her. - [Arasha] Yeah. - "It's very progressive
that you have skirts "and not a lot of people
have pockets in skirts "and so nice skirt." And she's like, "What? "Mother (beep)" - No, and I mean, but she
laughed and it was funny. I think this guy was like... - [Amanda] He was flirting. - I think he's flirting, and I think that's a fine way to flirt to be like, "Oh my god,
your skirt as pockets. "That's freaking awesome." - Yeah.
- Yeah, that is a good- - That's a good way to start it that's not like uncomfortable.
- [Arasha] It's sweet. - "Nice legs." - And then, and see, it's great, even the worst case scenario
here is that it's not pockets. She doesn't have a hand. And he thought that she, you know, did, but it still worked out great. - Right, she's not offended. - He has the in here if he's interested. - She was cool. - She sounds dope. - They have a very cute meet cute. - Yes. First comment was, "But
did you get those digits?" - [Crew] Get it? - Oh. - No? - No hand pun. - Oh god. - Someone else said, "Ouch. "But still, this is kind of a
wholesome today I (beep) up. "At least you gave her a laugh." Someone else said, "Moral of the story. "Don't ever assume women's
clothing has evolved." (everyone laughs) - That's true.
- Fair. - I think that's a wholesome story. - I mean, that is like, I feel like that's a meet cute romcom. - [Shayne] Yeah. - [Amanda] You know what I mean? - That feels scripted. - [Amanda] Yeah, it does. - It feels scripted. If I read that, I'd be like, oh, that's a clever scene set up. - I'm not mad, and she wasn't mad. - She wasn't mad. - [Arasha] No. - He had good intentions. Also that's like, why would
she be offended by that? He truly thought like something. - [Arasha] Yeah. - You know, I do think it's
inappropriate to come up and immediately ask someone
about like a situation that they have like that. - "Where's your hand?" - Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. But to be like, "Oh, like sweet. "Oh, oh my god. "I didn't know." - Right, exactly. She probably laughed 'cause
she was probably like, "Wow, I never have heard that before." - [Arasha] Yeah, yeah. - Okay. And it's kind of endearing that
he was just like genuinely, like, oh hey, like cool. - It's very sweet. - Yeah. Love it. I hope they end up married. - All right, so this is our last story. And this one is a Reddit legend. This is an older story. It's been around for years. But we wanna occasionally sprinkle in those super, super legendary ones. - Oldies.
- Okay. - So a lot of people watching have probably heard this story before. I don't know if you guys
have heard it before or not. So here we go. "Today I (beep) up by enraging
the parents of my girlfriend "by pretending not to
know what a potato is. "Let me tell you "that I have made a bad
mistake this evening. "My girlfriend, who let me tell you "is only my second girlfriend of all time, "said I am invited to dinner
with her and her parents. "I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful "to be invited to such a situation, "but I knew it must be done. "I met them nicely, I should tell you. "And it started off in a good way. "The idea slapped in my mind
that I should do a comic bit "to make a good impression "and become known to them
as a person who is amusing. "When I saw that baked
potatoes were served, "I got the idea that it would be very good "if I pretended I did not
know what potatoes were. "That'd be funny. "Well, let me tell you,
backfired on my face. "I'll tell you how. "So first when the
potato came to my plate, "I acted very interested. "I showed an expression
on my face so as to seem "that I was confused, astounded
but in a restrained way, "curious, and interested. "They did notice and seemed
confused, but did not remark. "So I asked, 'This looks very interesting. "'What is this?' "They stared at me, "and the mother said,
'It's a baked potato.' "And I was saying, 'Oh, interesting. "'Baked, what is it again?' "And she was like, 'A potato.' "And I was like, 'A potato. "'Oh, interesting. "'Never heard of a potato. "'Looks pretty good.' "And then they didn't see I was clowning, "but thought I really did
not know what a potato is. "So I knew I'd be very
shamed, humiliated, depressed, "and disgusted if I admitted
to making a bad joke. "So what I did was to act
as if it was not a joke, "but I committed to the act
of pretending I didn't know "what a potato is. "They asked me very incredulous "did I really not know what a potato is, "that I never heard of a potato. "I went with it and told them, "yes, I did not ever
even hear of a potato. "Not only had I never eaten a potato, "I had never heard the word potato." - Oh my god. - "This went on for a bit, "and my girlfriend was acting
very confused and embarrassed "by my (beep) up antics. "And then the more insistent I was "about not knowing what a potato is "was when their parents
started thinking I did know "what a potato was. "Well, let me tell you, I had
to commit 100% at this point. "When I would not admit to
knowing what a potato was, "the father especially
began to get annoyed. "At one point he said something
like, 'Enough is enough. "'You're (beep) with us, admit it.' "And I said, 'Sir, before
today I had never heard "'of a potato. "'I still don't know what a potato is "'other than some kind of food. "'I don't know what to tell you.' "Well, let me tell you,
he got very annoyed. "I decided to take a bite of the potato. "And when I did, I made a
high pitched noise and said, "'Tastes very strange.' "That is when the father
started yelling at me. "And the mother kept saying,
'What are you doing?' "And my girlfriend went
to some other room. "Finally, the father said
I should get the (beep) "out of his house. "And I said it was irrational
to treat me like this "just because I'd never
heard of a potato before. "Well, let me tell you, he
didn't take that kindly. "Now in text messages, I have
been telling my girlfriend "I really don't know what a potato is. "The only way I can ever get out of this "is for them to buy that I
don't know what a potato is. "I wish I'd never started
it, but I can't go back. "I think she'll break up with me anyway." - Oh my god. - I love this. - This is a I Think You
Should Leave sketch. - Yes! - Yeah. - "I'm telling you, I don't
know what a potato is." - It actually is. - "Tastes very strange." - "Tastes very strange." - "Get the (beep) out." - "Get the (beep)" The response is also like, "Get
the (beep) outta my house." - And then the girlfriend
just goes to another room. She's like (mock cries) - Crying. (laughs) - Like, but I actually totally understand why he had to commit because- - Oh yeah. - It was too late. He couldn't at the end of the day be like, "Yeah, I was just (beep) with you." They would've been like, "Great, go home." - Yeah. - He had to commit so hard and be like, "Wow, you're gonna throw me out "because I don't know what a potato is." Like, I love this person. - I love him too. - This is such a stupid story. - Such a funny bit. Like, my parents would've loved
that bit if they were like, "You don't know what a potato is?" - Oh, well to be fair also,
this is something you would do. - Oh, 100%. - I feel like at some point
you would definitely do this. Be like, I don't know what a potato- - I've never had a potato. Inspired. - Why didn't the parents
just go, "(laughs) okay." And just like let it be. - And then he would've been like, "You're right, I'm joking. "Thanks for the laugh." Move on. - These parents suck. - It's the parents' fault. - What's the update? - There's no update. So here's some comments. "Invite your girlfriend
to meet your parents. "Have your father take her aside "and ask if potatoes
were served at the dinner "with her parents. "When she says yes, he looks alarmed, "mutters something about
wanting to keep them from him "and never mentions the subject again." - Wait, that's brilliant. - That's so funny. "When confronted about this horrible joke, "insist it never happened with
the same level of commitment. "Maybe they'll just think
you have a brain disorder." - No. - Someone else said, "Send them a bouquet of
potatoes as an apology." Now this story's been
widely considered fake. Even if it's fake, it's
an incredible sketch. I love this. - Yeah. - Like, I- - It doesn't feel fake to me though. - Even if it's fake, I don't
mind if things are fake, if it's very silly and stupid. - Yes. - Where I care if it's fake is if they're saying
something like very serious and intense. And like, hey, don't make
fake stories like that. - Or harmful. And I love that he's
committing too 'til the end. - I wanna know where he is. - "You should know the popular "What's A Potato Reddit
post story is 100% fake "and lifted from the pilot "of Andy Sandberg's show 'Cuckoo.'" Oh, so this is a Andy Sandberg sketch. Well, I love it. - We're on board. - Wait, did this guy get in trouble? - Yeah. Yeah, "Watch the full
episode for more context. "The story is pretty much identical, "except in the show he isn't pretending "and goes on to sell baked
potatoes from a streetcar." It's such a sketch. It was too much of a
sketch that it made sense. Wow. - Now this Redditor is just- - So now this Redditor is an
asshole for stealing a sketch. - Well, it sounds like he committed again. Yet again, he has told us a lie. And I only have respect. - So he's the asshole, even though this isn't Am I the Asshole. - Kimmy just brought up
an interesting argument. What if since this Andy
Sandberg sketch came out a year before this post, what if
he watched that sketch, thought oh yeah, and then
in this moment was like, he started to try to make that joke and then just kind of committed to it and- - Too hard and it didn't work out well. - So maybe this is real. - So it still did happen. - Maybe it's real because it was a sketch. - Justice for this man. Maybe. Maybe.
- Maybe. - Would you, if you got caught
in a white lie like that, would you commit? - Yes. - [Arasha] Absolutely. - I would rather 100% commit and make them feel like they're stupid than go back on my word and
just be like, "You're right. "I (beep) up." And have them just be
like, "You're a monster." - Yeah, here's what you do. You keep lying. You add to the lies,
and you do 15,000 lies until your first lie makes somewhat sense. - We don't even know who Arasha really is. - Lie to the end. - All right, well this has been great. Thank you guys for joining. - Thank you for having us. - [Arasha] Thank you, thank you. - Thank you for being here
for the first Reddit story that made me nearly cry. - Oh my gosh.
- You did cry. - I would be fine with crying. - [Arasha] It was really meaningful. - I could have cried. - But you did. - But I could have cried more. - Oh, okay. - I could've had tears. I could have. - [Amanda] Yeah. - 'Cause that story was the best story. That's my favorite story that we've read. - The one with the asshole and the ring. I like that one.
- Yeah, that one. Well, thank you for joining me, and thank you for watching. And next Saturday you're gonna
wanna watch this episode. You're gonna wanna watch it. That's all I'll say. You're gonna wanna watch it. Just watch it, just watch it. - Fine. - See you then. Bye. - Bye!
- Bye!
