SCTV S01E03 - Ethnic Humor

sctv is on the air FC TV now begins its programming day starring John Candy Joe poverty Eugene Levy and we are market captain O'Hara Harold Ramis and Dave Thomas television like you never see before gets special guests off Jay Eastwood this is Harold Ramis speaking for the management of SC TV the following program contains racial and ethnic material that may offend certain sensitive viewers however viewers will note that the deprecating racial and ethnic jokes in no way reflect the attitudes or opinions of the management of this station we deplore the use of jokes like how can you tell the bride at a Latvian wedding or how many Polish people does it take to screw in a light bulb unfortunately such jokes do exist I myself am of Polish descent and can attest to the cruelty hurt and shame the result from these vicious racial slurs so please remember the racial and ethnic attitudes presented in the following program do not represent this station this network or the sponsors of this program and now the second city television show good morning this is humanities 196 I'm your instructor dr. Ernest the brother and this morning I'd like to discuss a topic I believe to be grossly overlooked in today's university curricula gypsy mythology now there are those of you who might well ask well should one take gypsy mythology seriously and what is the relevance of gypsy mythology in today's highly technological society well the answer very simply to both questions is yes now to prove a point let's briefly look at the creation of man according to gypsy mythology God baked the first men and women in an oven some however were kept in the oven too long and they burned the black race the second time God opened the oven door too soon and the bacon was not quite finished the white race the third time the bacon was absolutely perfect and out came the gypsies the same respect the destruction of ma'am according to gypsy mythology will come when one person of every race simultaneously leaks the FA's often overripe peach programming policy gypsy mythology will not be seen tomorrow they've traveled you can't maybe you didn't hear me so good thank you - a change in programming policy gypsy mythology will not be seen tomorrow thank you Ava Braganza navigator elsevier hey hey put the gear on the kibbutz gears it lutonium Jablonski era beauty and grace Legare yells gypsies female customer gave a speaker at the gala in F over G is a pattern ah 102 - Danforth Avenue and the Bokashi mckubre kid left his restaurant ringing oh hey Edgar I 2828 a g40 a default theater yacht - yacht - hi and we gotta in the beginning a b7 listen that was definitely the government could be some people get it on Shabbat Hierro look Torian Sigma NSA they were sedated gypsy a supracondylar single character it went down with them to Garros the Mary Gannon gypsy put usurper BRCA the Newtonian center support chaos a new one yes gypsy food you ship encounter planet he joined the mountings because he loved the uniform then they took him out of the uniform and put him on the street he's Curtis edger plain clothes muddy what's happening man you cats know where I can score some good weed I've got plenty of bread man no-slip undercover agent for the Mounties Curtis Edgard faces danger every week on SCTV boy it's the plumber I'm here to fix your sink plain clothes money watch for it on SCTV and now here's today's exciting chapter of outpatient hey I'm a hockey player are you mr. McHenry Mackenzie's a name it's like Vishnu Mackenzie I should be honest area and you're looking good honey you're look at me good would you please keep it down I'll try any but I can't promise anything come on you player yeah Margot plan is Lance Rocke you know yeah well it was it why do how do you do hey guys in here for better secta me yep that's a big me oh I have no drugs myself you know my wife she was using one of them devices woody college things photos um the UFO know all these IOT hey baby check it out I'm getting the big beer better give you a break that's right aren't you a week it's right getting the green in my brain get my brain around this is a serious operation which you know that what are you talking about what for the knife and you can just lose your manhood oh I read it where a watchtower look let me tell you something you know inside a year you have a better you have a lot of tubes just a network of tubes yeah well uh you know what I get a bow and they just pop em out on one of those that's all did they just put a little bow on it just like getting a valve job that's all there is good yeah it's that simple yeah thanks a lot so simple Dennis could do it lady was worried I couldn't do that anymore you know sweetheart where's the doctor I am The Doctor please mr. wazoo Nasim yeah come with me please all right right mr. Walser would you stand right there and take your clothes all right it's fine why would you turn around and face me I am facing you I was swimming all morning that concludes your preliminary examination thank you Oh we'll be seeing you again next Thursday all right tiny mr. rock you may go in now mr. rock it's 2 o clock oh come now mr. Rajan Asha would you like mr. Mackenzie to go in with you out patient when we take a look at the wide world of proctology here Z with some money-saving tips on how to stretch your grocery dollar Hey ladies how many times have you stuffed yourself at the checkout counter and ask yourself why am I paying so much for this food there are many ways to save money and eat them and today we're going to talk about easy economical Amish food here's a handy little recipe for Amish food that you're bound to enjoy especially if your food budget is as didn't always thought to be thick one nylon stocking any color pull it over your head hey beauty then take 2,500 pounds of automobile and drive up behind the wagon of Amish people on their way from the market start their wagon by cutting it off with your car now take one stick shopper a lower or a pistol or anything and about a cup of bullets Brandis story water in your right hand and order the Amish to load their food into your car now drive away as fast as you can in your god sounds simple should because the Amish they never fight back this recipe says a family of four for about three weeks beautiful his heart's beating like a rabbit doctor 150 beats per minute thanks Ned that's just the information I needed to complete my examination you know work really looked like a dead end of me until I heard about the exciting new field of stethoscope II as its to thaw Scopus I get to spend my day in clean modern hospitals working right alongside respected doctors as a vital part of the medical team and Wow does it pay what with hospitals charging more and more every day forced ethical pelagic elects Amma Nations and where did I learn to handle a stethoscope at the North American stethoscope II Institute and with their advanced courses someday I may be a fully licensed ethic apologist or deuced ethical pelagic Oh research or even learn electron stethoscope photogrammetry analyzing a patient's handwriting with x-ray photos of his heartbeat hi I'm your stethoscope oz Ned Gordon hello my name is Lenny tang and welcome to se TV's theater North America drama where we present serious plays for your serious consideration now some of you may be eating so come on hurry up don't be eating while you watch the show Joey's about to start so get away from the table put that food away all right okay now are you ready for this we Canadians oh by the way I'm proud to say I am a Canadian I got my Canadian citizenship in one hour cuz I was in a hurry everyone in the world should be in a hurry so hurry up to get food okay now we Canadians have been searching for identity for years yeah for a long time we thought it was Osteria we got that straight just in time for the wall so we can all March together where Kenda finally found his identity it took a long time but we put it together in this anthology of plays he's a small talk man so what does that mean it's rotten we beat that up yeah we beat up a bit for the show so now we'd like to present the great canadian play the best play canada has ever done call you're gonna be all right you creep leaving home and all oh look today the special day Johnny's back from hockey camp let's have a little order right Pauline stop slurping your soui brother on a hit like that form of that spoon what's wrong with you Colleen you're on those drugs again not yet drugs in barbituates junkie letter stop reading at the table how many times have I told you not to read at the table for God's sakes father I'm a poet I mean it's not just a spur-of-the-moment thing it's a 24 hour a day job are you and your dumb territory you make me wanna pee please don't pick on Leonard leather it's my pride and joy no no is it but I'd enjoy Beatrice you made him like that you know that are you in your Moloch cutlet you've turned him into a damn pansy it's the only one on one is for the sense of occasion and home on Johnny's homecoming haven't you sweetheart yes I have why don't you read it for us honey okay it's called Johnny's home skate skate skate Johnny scrape down the ring the hot steel thrashing I got the frozen water swish there goes Johnny he shoots he scores one two three a hot trip for Johnny McLean and now he's home with his family well that was a piece of crap I am out tomorrow sorry was it that did you Jenny past imaginable sure dude it was a joke that's all it was damn good joke to Jenny so to use the major to go look at us sitting there like a Brussels sprout up and do them great there Holly Holly I'm so brain over this way Colleen you know my doctor do you know that Leonard's my daughter this Mensa little sick truth and you knew it you know my son you never were my son something wrong with you I can't quite put a finger on it Charlie's my son watch a Johnny he's the only man in this family he's a hockey playing fool Archie Jenny he's gonna be another fat booty are you Jenny not quite as good as him and you'll be all right I got kicked off the hockey team oh you what I didn't go to any practices so they kicked me off the team why cuz I hate hockey I've always hated hockey but you couldn't see that I'm not listening to you anymore I'm not going back that stupid hockey camp you thought of a bet your mother's bingo wedding 1peter honky Kevin didn't even go well comedies gotta teach you a lesson Johnny nothing like that you know is delicate my brother like that you've got your father I didn't mean that we gotta hit Marseille you're sorry I'm not gonna see him sign on to see you sir get over to the table and we'll finish out of you Johnny say you're sorry you get out a table and finish your meal or you get the hell oh all right I'll get the hell out I'll take everyone with me come on let's go let's go come on we're gonna be all right is great bleeding calm at all Clark Peters be me mmm you can Olivia Angus here Canada you're Angus you know that you know you cannot leave him you can i you de ya can ahuna shouldna they can with a good knowledge una luna britain the hypnotist yes remember the happy times you and me just a rolling in the header rolling around in the Hodari you cannot leave your Angus do you love me Angus No fatherless God possible ergo a great big hit for the fabulous 11th century you know with Mother Church anglicized inner masses you won't be able to get those old favorites anymore and if you try to buy that in its original manuscript it would cost you literally millions but right now you can get that hit in ten of the big ones just like it in one fantastic album golden hits of the 11th century that's right all those favorites for just 598 on record in 698 on tape and with each album or take you buy you receive a one year's guarantee temporarily dum-dum dungeons so why not call them today the number is it comes Barry to 200 we have priests kneeling at all the booths to take your orders this evening inspirational thoughts from dr. earnest brooder dr. Breuder anchor what are the 10 most famous laws in the world why the 10 commandments of course laws that were handed down some 5000 years ago has anyone ever seen these commandments no Moses supposedly destroyed these tablets when he threw them into a golden calf so how were they passed down from generation to generation I suppose he memorized them or wrote them down on some parchment and gave them to someone but if so cool and where is the parchment for example where is it actually written thou shalt not steal or thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife if in fact these laws do not exist I would love to covet my neighbor's wife she's a gorgeous woman but right now it's hands off now according to the gypsies these laws never existed there were merely a vicious rumor started by a goat herder in Mesopotamia you

Channel: Second City Television

Views: 408,576

Keywords: SCTV, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Andrea Martin, Dave Thomas, Harold Ramis, Joe Flaherty, Second City, Toronto

Id: 2V7awhunsdw

Length: 23min 45sec (1425 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 14 2016