SCTV S01E04 - Crosswords

SCTV now begins in programming day starring John Candy don't flatter d Eugene Levy Andrea Martin Catherine O'Hara Harold Ramis and Dave plumbers with special guest stars so don't deal good and sir Ralph Richardson good girls ladies and gentlemen she I've heard that song by her mother and she sings that version just as well it's just you know you have the same quality the exact same quality and the same fantastic voice it's incredible I really would like to be known for myself not just as Judy Garland's daughter but for who I am Lorna Minnelli ladies and gentlemen I'll tell you something right now she is gonna make a big noise and show me this really are mean from you Sammy I just couldn't be happy to hear that from anyone believe me I believe me Sammy's most loyal and honest person I know and when he said you are going to be a star you are going to be a star young confounders than any person I know my mother now just across the hall I was typing a special like you made here and spread a little sunshine a something I was in the hall before the show and I heard one of the numbers you were doing video special can I say something Bobby it's the best thing I've ever seen on television that word is that thing is gonna be out of sight hey great Sam let's I'll tell you Sam it's gonna be a fantastic special you know yeah but speaking of fantastic shows I think this show right here is a fantastic show okay to be quite honest now to be honest it's only great it's only fantastic because I have fantastic guests on the show can I say something writer you know I have never speaking quite honest I've never seen this man on a stage or in a studio in front of an audience when he's not giving us all when he's not sweating when this man gives a hundred and ten percent I love you Sammy mama I'll tell you what stuff you know what makes me sweat trying to follow this guy ladies and gentlemen in a club he is there something Sammy last year and he will not say this on TVs that kind of guy he was named mr. kidney for 1975 area thank you very much now it gives me great pleasure to introduce miss Trish nothing good to see something honey could I get a word in edgewise watching the show for a long time now and I would like to say Seth I would like to go on record and I'm sure the audience will back me up on this I would like to say that you people are the biggest bunch of plastic vinyl phonies I've ever come across take a good look at yourself come on what are you doing sitting out here nothing but compliments but you don't care about each other no you don't mean a word of it all you care about is yourselves I know that for a fact and the longer I stood up I wondered why the hell did I ever want to be on such a stupid sleazy show oh you're a bunch of phony mannequins just throw knees everyone it makes me sick Sammy can I say something right now and this as a comic in all seriousness I've it's not often you see young performers come on a show like this and and forget the business and so forth and so on and just come out and speak their minds yeah I think it's a fantastic quality yes it has of God young people day I dig them I really do waiting three or our generation trips oh god bless you ladies all the matter we have right now we don't have to have good morning and welcome to sunrise semester the subject is classical Greek and I'm your instructor alkie stereo please today we're going to study Pericles the writings of Pericles and in particular he's a journal of the Battle of the Philip I so to begin with we start with a dialogue between Menelaus and Pericles Menelaus he says to Pericles he says he says hey baby what's happening to which Pericles replies good to see you my friend what we be Menelaus then says I'll have a roast beef on a kaiser to God which appear Cleese replies one roast beef on a kaiser then Menelaus says you better make that on toast to which Pericles exclaims triumphantly toss that Kaiser tomorrow I want you to study your vocabulary and these words in particular and phrases coke cans language and close the damn door the air conditioning is on you held my life within your created everything I Oh drop around the ankles hey fred astaire come on with me it always happens Gregg these darn socks just won't stay up here try this spray-on yeah how does it work simple spread right on your feet it comes in four great colors chocolate chip vanilla lime green and Argyle say even real socks don't playing that close why don't you try it spray-on really works let's go Fred Astaire couldn't be better thanks to spray-on for those extra formal occasions new spray-on gloves spray on from the oven cleaning people these four people will match wits with the greatest minds the world has ever known as they start their climb towards the top of the 211 and now let's be today's contestants we have miss Brenda O'Donnell and her celebrity partner lovely country-western singer we have Tommy note form over here and his celebrity partner funny man Bobby bear okay we're gonna let the girls start things up Rin and K will you please select from our categories on the triangle you see it up there go ahead I think therefore I am okay Brenda we've given you the answers now you have to make up the questions for K you've got 30 seconds to get all five ready and go um he described the natural sensitive quality to an abstracted idea here are three all right uh he divided truth into ethical physical and metaphysical stuff right um you put a mutually exclusive ethical ideas with the emphasis on either or Windsor and Kierkegaard right I'm these beliefs you walk around a system of developing absolutely okay he thought the world was simply an idea organized and directed by the world we're back at the big money on the $211,000 triangle now let's go over to our opponents beset yeah all right with 30 seconds and fine question Hannah Doran yes you do indeed you do is pick a category up there okay let's see um jeez I don't know uh how about it's a grand night for singing that's opera oh I didn't know that Bobby you're gonna be making up the clues you have the answers in front of you on your monitor are you set on set all right 30 seconds four five get ready and go this must be an Italian law firm Italian loafer uh yeah next one next by mixing uh come on uh clue Caruso's favorite bars and wrong Caruso's favorite bars and rome is just a karma come on come on hey oh oh I can hardly pronounce this one rhymes with rosy and fruity rosy and fruity sorry boys no points on that round either Brenda that makes you our big winner and you've got $1,000 you want to go now into our bonus round and take a chance with that $1,000 towards a pack of the big money with the $211,000 triangle you bet down well come on up to the triangle make a selection here of which of our celebrity guests you're gonna be playing with and you've selected Bobby bitthe okay crazy now would you rather give or take the clues it's possible for me to play with Kay no I'm sorry you did pick Bobby do so uh all right I'll give the clues okay you'll give the clues you'll be taking them from that monitor over there Bobby you'll be getting the answers are you ready go uh he ran 26 miles carrying news of the Spartan victory at marathon Jesse Owens so ancient all right would you rip it reassuring to be French general who defeated George Washington and captured his diary I honestly don't know the first Queen of England the fresh Wayne the Queen first we yep it was just one of those things goes away empty-handed you've got a honker and game of the $200,000 triangle it's time for cooking with LaRue fast recipes for limited budgets with chef Jonny LaRue hi I'm Jonny laruen we're already know you know today's show is gonna be a little different I've been reading the newspaper recently and I found out that there's some poor people out there in the world people on welfare and disability I don't know what it is it's I guess you just can't afford it cook what I'm cooking on my show and I want to help you out as much as I can because I'm a friend of yours you know that all right well okay let's get right to today's recipe it's a little thing I call tabby surprise casserole now I use that little thing called paw and whiskers okay you're gonna say this is a Johnny the root product he's plugging his own products I'm not it's just real good stuff okay now the ingredients you need using capture some water some breadcrumbs you can steal them from the pigeons in the park gonna get the grass probably cuz that's probably where you're living these days all right here's some salt or pepper you can shoplift all this stuff if you want just don't tell them where you got that idea from okay let's get down to it now you got a couple cans of cat food you throw it on a preheated skillet in here all right just sorta alright so just mix it in there and Ronnie let me lock up all those flavorful juices and they even keep these tiles and dishes too you probably using footballs later on all right now the rest is stuff here you get some ketchup you just throw it on there like that the breadcrumbs can you throw them in there you get the water pour that in there little salt little pepper you get some vinegar okay you got all that okay you can even throw some booza never even steal it with somebody all right I just get this home you start this stuff on there like that oh they're looking good so far yeah two people go get a job for colonel odd you know maybe this stuff will build up your strength you can go pick up your welfare checks in time all right now um Koosman and I just want all this stuff up in there like that um tell you what I got one already made in the oven you just throw this in the oven to 500 degrees now earlier I made one this is what it looks like a finished product huh pretty good huh rookie bad all right you get a little grass and you can throw that on there I'm gonna get somebody from the audience come on out here you look good you huh come on eat up you poor slob come on get in there come on get in of course I'm trying to go ahead and get a job for crying out loud I've been working so nine years old yeah sure look Brian day I'm right on top and now backstage the continuing drama of the exciting people who make television hi I'm Lorna Minelli would you like me to sing for you now sure okay uh you know my mother was Judy Garland but I don't want that to influence your decision about anything cuz even though she was the greatest person in the world and everybody really loved her I don't want to be known for my mother Judy Garland but for Who I am ready excited to see me okay thank you very much that was just excellent hey haven't heard anybody sing that message your mother oh really really that was just great chance there you sure do have a chance look we'll call you all right thanks a lot just fabulous good I really felt good okay take care I'll come back okay all right color are you are you kidding promise that part to you tune in tomorrow for another backstage who do you announce the book tonight Masterpiece Theater presents Harold Pinter's crosswords an enigmatic four and a half minute teleplay starring Sir John Gielgud and sir Ralph Richardson now critics have always wondered what motivated Pinter to write this backstage vignette and I think the author said it best himself when he said I wrote it for a lot of money half-hour call Sorrell oh thank you love what's happening to you today I was there you couldn't have been there because I was there and I didn't see you but you couldn't see that because you weren't there it's the sea entire 2:30 we're supposed to be to the zoo 2:30 John seeing Todd no no we distinct to say the zoo John oh well there's no difference what is the norm zoos officious tracks of land with Penn State enclosures housing there is species of animal whereas at our is an architectural structure taller than it is wide containing no animals whatsoever well this meet tomorrow shall we ride well I suggest the zoo can you see the entire city from the top of the zoo a person then I suggest the tower I've been to the tower I've been to the zoo well it's of no consequence consequence that's the word all right I said it thank you it goes against the order what does consequence about the crossword key is that you see against the oricon sequence I don't understand your crossword puzzles Charma I don't know anything about only two more clues my whole puzzle be dumb Oh bluebirds get television or Hey why if you don't get rid another there's only one more left I've been trying to get this for hours what is it I'm embarrassed was that - no no I'm embarrassed Wow for the Shakespearean one you can't get it no I'd be in bed what what is it Shakespeare one Pope 23 Shakespeare one Pope 23 well Shakespeare his first play was a comedy of errors wasn't it but Pope he didn't write any plays Oh 23 for letters John this oh yeah that's personal John King John Shakespeare pope john xxiii the 23rd pope the answer is your own name john2112 all it's finished now right one's now stands in the middle of one's face no war does one no stand in the middle of one's face why to keep one's eye on either sides knows that what man cannot smell out he may spy into remember that great joke from act 1 scene 5 of King Lear hi i'm sheldon to think and i'm bernard solids you know no one appreciated a good laugh as much as the immortal bard himself and now we've collected all those laughs and put them together one big record album Shakespeare's greatest joke remember this nice laughing delight he that will have a cake out of the week must needs to tell you the grinding have I got in telling the grinding but what of the boating well I got in mind to the boating but what if the leavening still have i cladding either living but here's yet in the word here after the kneading the making of the cake and the heating of the oven and the baking day I must stay the cooling ture you will chance to burn your lips that's funny stuff you'll get these and hundreds more so send today and if you do we'll send to you this volume of footnotes can help you get the don't you get right Shakespeare's greatest jokes box 1976 Drury Lane London sw1 your laughing nose right off the middle of your face words to live by with dr. Michael Meyer hello nights reading his st. Paul's letter to the Ephesians reads dear Ephesians how are you I am pain come on down to room sometime your old buddy Paul perhaps I can some that have been a different way by courting you a little of the second book of Caucasians and their hot lips not here their Caucasian three number one in the beginning there was nothing oh and the Lord said that there be light and there was still nothing but you could see it thank you right your honor it's over finished you

Channel: Second City Television

Views: 108,920

Keywords: SCTV, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Andrea Martin, Dave Thomas, Harold Ramis, Second City, Joe Flaherty, Toronto

Id: Pguo4r5Sba8

Length: 23min 44sec (1424 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 14 2016