Have you ever seen something you weren’t supposed
to? Something that made you feel… off. Something you regret? Secrets like these are best kept
to yourself, but since you’re still alive, whatever you saw wasn’t nearly as
bad as what Peter Holland saw one fateful night in January of 2015. Peter
was an unremarkable man - an office-worker, slaving away at the daily grind. And like
a lot of people, Peter enjoyed nothing more than coming home after a long, hard
day, kicking back, and watching some TV. It was this innocent activity that led to
Peter’s horrifying brush with SCP - 5049, altering the course of his
otherwise average life forever. The event started at around 10:05 PM. Peter
was channel surfing, glued to the couch in his sparsely-furnished apartment. Commercials,
commercials, commercials - as far as Peter’s tired eyes could see. He paused for a moment to
watch the end of an ad for a car he could never hope to afford on his salary, but something
stopped him from changing the channel again. The next ad had begun, and it was playing a
strange, scratchy jingle that gave Peter an odd sense of unease. But even stranger
than that was the text on screen: “Demon Dan's Discount Homunculus
Depot”, in baby-blue bubble lettering. He forced a smile. This had to be some weird
comedy skit, or a viral marketing campaign, or maybe it was something he drank. But no,
this was a real commercial - and things were about to get even weirder. The peppy logo faded
to a concerning sight: A tall, humanoid figure dressed like a used car salesman, but one that
definitely wasn’t human. His skin was dark green, and covered in patches of thick fur. He had long
fingers with intimidating claws, and a grin full of needle-like fangs. It looked almost...demonic.
And after a few seconds the demon began to speak. “Hey there folks! It's your man, Demon Dan, coming
at you with all the latest and greatest deals from Demon Dan's Discount Homunculus Depot! We just
accepted a shipment of brand-new models that would make even the most discerning customers
weep with excitement. Let's see what we got…” The creature - apparently named Demon
Dan - stepped away from his desk, revealing two long, furry goat legs that ended
in large, pointed hooves. Peter now assumed he really was going crazy, but at this point he was
along for the ride. Demon Dan continued his pitch. “Looking to make your way through the
capitalist hell-scape that makes home look cozy? Come try on one of
the newest businessman models!” Dan gestured behind him to where Peter was
horrified to see a total of fifty-two adult male human bodies hanging from a wall.
There was something uncanny about them. They seemed almost hollow, like a highly
realistic costume or a prop from a horror movie. Peter didn’t have much time to think
about it though as Demon Dan went on. “If you’re looking for the extra
challenge of inequality– the businesswomen model may be the right fit for you!” The commercial then revealed a wall of human
female bodies strung up in a similar fashion. “Now, maybe you're thinking, "But Dan, business
sounds hard. I just want to have some fun!" and the fine team here at Demon Dan's Discount
Homunculus Depot have got you covered!” The camera zoomed out to show an area of the
store filled with children’s decorations, and more of these strange, hollowed-out
human suits in child sizes to match. “And who has more fun than kids? No
one, that's who. For a limited time, the purchase of any child-sized
unit comes with a complimentary 50% off coupon for parental units! You
just can't say no to a deal like that.” Before Peter could process the
madness that was unfolding before him, the camera cut again. The store’s
logo appeared on the screen once more, along with several cuts to locations
around the store itself. There were more human bodies. Hundreds of them. Demon
Dan’s sleazy voice rang out over all of it. “Here at Demon Dan's Discount Homunculus
Depot, we know it's not all fun and games. The bravest among us have a mission
to accomplish. The Seven-Lords are ever planning their invasion, after all,
so you're looking for function over form. Well, we've got that in spades down here
in the tactical services department! You'll be kickin' ass in no time when you're
wearing the latest models at the best prices!” Seven lords? Invasion? What did any of this
mean? Suddenly, the camera was showing him a new room. Red curtains parted, revealing
more of these person-suits, several bearing a striking resemblance to real human celebrities.
He managed to make out Gucci Mane, Avril Lavigne, Paul McCartney, and Britney Spears before Demon
Dan’s appearance once again drew his attention. “I've got a special treat for you;
we are happy to announce the VIP lookalike department! We all know how
difficult the creation of homunculus is, it's a fine art that takes years of practice.
So, when a replacement order on VIP's comes in, every detail needs to be perfect–
unfortunately, that's not always the case. But for the right price, you too can look
like famous icons from around the globe!” The image of celebrity bodies faded from
view, and Peter was left looking at the grinning Demon Dan standing behind the front
desk of his impossible store once more. He said… “There ya’ have it folks, come on down
to Demon Dan's Discount Homunculus Depot! If you're viewing the advertisement, then
you've been selected for entry– please enter the nearest door for instant deals and upgrade
those old duds for one of our newest models! What are you waiting for? Come on down!” The logo popped up again, hovering above some bold
text that said, “Please Enter The Nearest Door!” Peter had had enough. He switched off the TV.
What a horror show, he thought. They should warn you before they put short horror films on
TV like that. He had no idea they could just slip them in among regular commercials. Surely
Demon Dan and his store couldn’t be real, right? But as his eyes drifted to the door in his
room, he didn’t feel quite so certain. Well, there was only one way to find out. Peter got
up, went over to the door, took a deep breath, and walked through it. Peter Holland was never seen
again. Not as himself, anyway. The SCP Foundation has long been aware of this
sinister transmission - known as SCP - 5049-2 - and luckily has found ways to prevent it from
claiming more victims. The Foundation Television Analysis Department as well as WebCrawler 40Y40
- which is the software the Foundation uses to root out anomalous activity online - are always
vigilant for signs of Demon Dan’s commercial running. Just observing Demon Dan, who is himself
classified as SCP - 5049 - A, and his ads puts you in immediate danger, as it can transform
any nearby doors into SCP - 5049-1’s. Those are interdimensional portals that remain active
for around fifteen minutes after viewing the ad. So then what specifically is SCP - 5049? It’s
the entire pocket dimension known as Demon Dan’s Discount Homunculus Depot. A Keter-Class
spatial anomaly constantly on the lookout for new human victims, which it transforms
into fleshy suits for its demonic clients which let them blend in around humans.
Prior to its discovery by the Foundation, it’s likely that Demon Dan and his associates
claimed hundreds if not thousands of lives. But sadly, even discovering this anomaly
came at a gruesome cost to the Foundation. On February 16th, 2020, the ad played on
Safe Storage Warehouse-13's break room television. At the time of the broadcast,
four Foundation personnel were present, including Security Agent William Berken. Worrying
that this was a potential security threat, Agent Berken investigated the door to a
nearby closet. The second he opened it, he was transported to the storefront of
Demon Dan’s Discount Homunculus Depot. He saw Demon Dan himself standing at the counter,
while four smaller, reptilian imps fought over a small flesh-suit. Demon Dan scolded them,
before turning his attention to Agent Berken. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. You aren't
supposed to be here, little man, how naughty. I'm gonna have to have a word
with marketing– once I'm through with you.” Agent Berken, fearing for his safety, drew
his weapon and shot Demon Dan three times. The creature dematerialized, before
appearing right next to Agent Berken, and disarming him with a swift chop.
The unfortunate security agent was then grabbed by the considerably larger Demon Dan, and
thrown over Dan’s shoulder. We know all of this because Agent Berken’s standard-issue Foundation
body-camera recorded the whole terrifying ordeal, even as Demon Dan dragged the helpless Berken
back into the twisted workshop behind the store. There, Berken saw what would soon be his own fate
right before his eyes - Dan’s minions converted human bodies into fleshy suits for their Demon
Clientele, and this unfortunate security officer was next. Dan gave him over to a pair of large,
sheep-like demons, and told them to “drain, skin, and declaw him.” Berken’s video feed
finally cut as the demons pulled out their rusty tools and began to work on him.
Of course, the SCP Foundation wouldn’t take an attack on one of their operatives - inside
one of their facilities, no less - lying down. The unfortunate death of William Berken
allowed the Foundation to refine their methods of intercepting the broadcast of
Demon Dan’s commercials. They even formed a new Mobile Task Force - Mobile Strike Force
Kappa-11, or the Baphomet Bashers - specifically to deal with Demon Dan and his cronies.
They did more than just prevent him from taking new humans, though. When the Baphomet
Bashers teamed up with an A-Class Clairvoyant Entity to improve their efficiency in predicting
future broadcasts, they were able to launch sting operations, and arrest 21 different demonic
customers for interrogation. This impressive strike back finally gave the Foundation
some meaningful leverage over Demon Dan, and through the use of their Clairvoyant Entity,
they were able to call a temporary truce and arrange a meeting with Demon Dan himself.
Captain Steiner, an agent of the Foundation External Negotiation Department, was the one to
interrogate Demon Dan. They sat across from each other at a table and Demon Dan was clearly tense,
frustrated with the way the Foundation had been messing with his business. All of their sting
operations were frightening off his customers. In return for letting him continue his
work, the Foundation wanted Dan to turn over all the information on his bosses and
customers, allowing the Foundation to track their movements. When Dan was evasive about
whether he’d comply, they tried threatening him. Dan laughed them off. “Go ahead–
take your best shot, little man! There's a dozen more just like
me, you won't stop anything.” Finally, he was pressured into giving a yes
or no answer as to whether he’d willingly collaborate with the Foundation and act as
an informant against his kind. When Demon Dan hinted that he may be willing to comply,
he began to make a horrifying gurgling noise, and gripped his head in pain. He began speaking
in Latin in a voice that wasn’t his own, as though the seven demon lords he served
were speaking through him. They said… “You are a fool, Jailor. To think a pathetic
morsel such as this could aid you against us. I have allowed you to toil
in your own delusions for far too long. You may have taken advantage
of Asmodeus all those years ago, but you stop nothing. You hinder nothing! You
jail and barter to no avail. Your time is coming.” And then, Demon Dan’s head exploded - which
obviously prevented him from giving any incriminating information on those he worked for.
Whoever the demon lords are, they’re certainly the secretive type. You may think this is the
end of Demon Dan’s Discount Homunculus Depot, and of SCP - 5049, but soon another ad
ran. It advertised the same products and services out of the same store. The
only difference was that, this time, a different entity was starring in it.
Now go check out “SCP - 2662 - Cthulhu” and “SCP - 4000 - Taboo” for more strange
entities from the files of the SCP Foundation!
