Schitt's Creek Funny Moments: Season 3 (HD)

where is my portfolio uh why why would i know where your portfolio is you would be dazzling at last night excuse me i haven't bedazzled anything since i was 22. i did not finish high school um it's this long boring story involving a yacht and a famous soccer player and like a ton of mushrooms this is a lot nicer than i expected for some reason i pictured you living underground hello dear john one of you oh john you smell like my mother you were supposed to be at lunch why why are why were you not at lunch david stop acting like a disgruntled pelican i came home from lunch because i realized i misplaced my portfolio so we're i'm gonna we're gonna look for it david oh my god your mother's portfol oh oh okay hello uh johnny rose you are jake yes welcome welcome jake i see uh david's made you feel right at home okay dad no no no i'm just saying carry on doing whatever you're doing or not doing i mean i see things are wrapping up got it got it so much oh my god oh my god dude alexis this is jake we seem to have caught the boys in an afternoon delight is that term still uh going thing no never say that don't do that toast dry toast and more coffee please and i know it's early but i'm kind of feeling like a big piece of fish hmm um and i'll have a bowl of room temperature hollandaise sauce please anything else um yeah i would love to order something else but i'm just having trouble seeing the menu yeah so um if we could somehow make it brighter in here okay you know what kids stop it okay well i will be right back with the toast fruit fish and sauce thanks perfect well i for one think we should celebrate your resilience a toast a toast all right you know what i'm sitting at another table [Music] bye [Music] we'll be in touch all right yeah good okay what the fine [ __ ] is going on here i was gonna ask you the same thing what was that uh what was that we're seeing each other okay we're seeing each other he literally came here from my room well he dropped me off at work this morning he what what is your favorite season awards this isn't one of those animal rights viral videos where the bunnies go through a meat processor in the end is that ew no david what's going on oh okay um so you weren't here for me oh my god david this is so awkward what what's happening well i don't think jake is here to see david we can hear you very clearly oh hey folks how we doing today oh excited beyond compare okay it's just that i misplaced my high school diploma when we lost our house no i wish it was a flood island okay he okay there's ted yeah sometimes he comes in and out um ted is taking his clothes off you wish stephen no ted is ted is getting naked on your webcam oh no no no no no no no i emailed our entire client list about this david i emailed his parents i'm obsessed with this this is incredible no no no no that looks good david he looks really good okay that's gross okay where are you two from you know i've been wondering that myself i'm from london can't tell what's more tragic the fact that the only store in town is closing or that they've decided to display the fungal cream beside the cereal boxes that's actually really convenient because i forgot to have breakfast and i'm running low on fungal creams here you say fungal again wait a minute we were at the graduation yeah i know but i wasn't we saw you there did we though then how do you explain this graduation photo huh that's jess chang what just chang oh well luke can tell with all this hair in front of your face that's not my face okay why didn't anyone come to my graduation well you didn't graduate in switzerland and whose fault is that how long have you been carrying that around in your wallet you can't put a price on dignity uh tell that to your outfit this is your outfit what so just first off spread your legs just a little wider if you want for me there see stevie they've got to be like sort of even with the shoulders and if you would just pop the old tush just go bam that's it and now loosen up a little bit okay yeah all right you know what roland i think i should be showing you because i don't really think you know what you're doing okay now great very important yeah are you using the vardon grip i am using lava doll are you watching this stevie yeah it was just a little hard to understand so i want a record of it there's a lice outbreak in your class oh my god ew it's probably kelsey she's such a hoarse girl honestly alexis if you don't like the way somebody looks dad that's so mean she doesn't look like a [ __ ] she just talks about them a lot and smells of it ah you know you keep scratching ew no i'm just allergic to the down pillow no no you probably have lice you're scratching because you have light oh good david i'd hoped you were home thanks you're aware of the extraordinary work of the new york-based photographer sebastian rayne you mean my ex how do i know that she didn't give me her lice david you don't have lunch nobody here has lice no no you do you you have the lice ah i'd love to polar ward you naked one day okay okay john shut the blinds john please moira hmm what are you doing in my room what are you talking about this is my room what the [ __ ] are you doing in your room what's on your head um that i'm test driving for the store i mean what's happening under the hat the other side yeah that what um that would be a shower cap are you naked honey what i do in the privacy of my sheets is my own business oh no no god no oh god no no dear god welcome to ramp you said it wasn't that bad well there are some big ones in here you were joking i'm joking nope maybe not nope it's fine it's just just the mama we got her give me the memory card sebastian moyer i'm scared for it oh you mean this memory card yeah i'd give it back but um i don't think it'll be of much use to you it accidentally fell out of your camera into my hand last night and then fell out of my hand into my drink and then i stepped on it a lot i'm starting to feel like i'm trapped in an avril lavigne lyric here yeah i just feel like the whole session was rushed like there was no backlighting or emotional direction nobody likes their driver's license photo david okay yeah i was just hoping i would get some options okay david i'll need you to count me in okay um from what start from five and leave out the two and the one okay why because it's my process okay um five four one look what you've done look at it oh god oh my god wow so weird i don't remember posing for this because you didn't you were in rehab when we sat for this i wasn't in rehab i was at rehab visiting stavros oh that's right we had your face painted on the body of my assistant hmm that's why you look so good i'd like to check in please oh my god where did you come from i said hello twice well hello hello then there you go room three don't you need my credit card my associates will deal with all that when you depart also how many beds are in the room two would it be possible to get a cot or a roll-away bed put in the room oh you're expecting company no i use it to lay out my clothes the chest of drawers should suffice now i like to see all my clothes at once might the other bed not do yes except i haven't decided which bed to sleep in so that's tricky really the cot would be best i call it is that thank you oh and are the pillows feather or foam yes sorry which one i don't care i'm sorry i don't know i'm not entirely versed on the contents of the motel's pillow collection i was just asking and i'm very much looking forward to the moment when that stops well enjoy your stay oh my god yeah i know we're still looking for a place to hang it did it grow i was served by an intimidating woman at the front desk with an unrecognizable accent and scary-looking attire and what might this have to do with me moira oh that f fussy little [ __ ] okay um i found this under the bed in room too so do you want to take a break that's disgusting uh and yes yeah this happens to be one of the only possessions that wasn't sold off really you'd think there'd be more of a market for oversized paintings of other people's families the drinks out of this machine are very cold oh good too cold when i hold them they sting my hands we'll have to find you some [Music] mittens i'm sure her remains will turn up found them they were on top of the microwave wonderful oh that reminds me can you get us some whitener for the coffees oh what have i been using okay i'm gonna put that down hi david it's patrick i um she was just calling to run my business plan uh by you in a little more detail so feel free to give me a call back and i will be happy to walk you through it okay ciao ciao i said ciao to that person hi patrick yeah i think i i think i called you david which that's not that's not your name you can just delete that text the the voicemail that i left you um just thought it might be a good idea to give you some background information about this store it's basically a general store um that will support local artists under the brand of the store which which would also be my brand sorry i just got a text oh god yeah the text cut us off well i know you're busy i was just uh i don't know i was just hoping you'd bring a little something to the party touch of celebrity perhaps have you seen dad's coasters follow us on tweeters but i got all your messages ah um and just listen to the first one and then erase the rest no no i i listened to all of them i kind of had to to piece them together actually i played them for a few friends of mine i was at a birthday party so there are a lot of people weighing in okay um just kidding i didn't play them for anybody i thought the first few were very humorous david and then i lost interest so i'll call you when i hear something and hey if i don't get a hold of you i'll just uh get a message okay thanks joe oh david i'm not sure i'm in the mood to hear about another sexual exploit i'm sorry who is it this time am i reading this right the moira's roses garden okay look i went back and forth on the name a couple of times i may have confused the engraver the moira's roses garden so the the garden is dedicated to a rose that moira owns i don't think that there are enough apostrophes i don't even see a rose in the garden because there aren't any roses or are we the roses okay i'm getting roses for the garden i'm i'm getting roses um and what are these numbers for it's mom's birthday david those are the last four digits of your father's credit card it was a complicated order form all right there were a lot of fields to fill in um i hope you got a really good deal on this it's by the letter so he paid extra for those apostrophe s's okay enough enough this is still a very big honor for your mother is it not so when we die um are we all gonna be buried here not all of us can flirt our way into getting a driver's license okay you try parallel parking in a burka david no amount of flirting can get you out of that trust me hi just uh dropping off your business license and uh activating my allergies oh in that case you should probably take that off yeah like now oh yeah isn't that the sweetest thing that he framed it um it is very sweet thank you patrick oh actually they uh they all come framed okay thank god um because i was just thinking that this frame is a little too corporate um for my brand i um i actually picked out that frame i see i don't skate through life david i walk through life in really nice shoes did someone die or are we going through like a midlife goth phase someone died i was making a house call to lisa's farm and got head butted by her goat is that when one of you is on the floor and then the other one kind of just like no uh i was head-butted by an actual goat hey no cutting excuse me this is my store who are you i'm darlene's cousin who the [ __ ] are you my god i have my high school graduation on friday your graduation is this friday um what i didn't tell you because i don't want you to come it's bad enough that i have to wear that unflattering black dress and then the hat with a thing on it in front of people that i don't know yeah i'm not going i was at your first graduation and it's not my fault that you weren't there we all have to go david unless you have some special excuse it's my birthday uh do you have any plans for today or uh i plan on popping a pill crying a bit and falling asleep early so just a regular week night in case you didn't know i'm wildly popular some might even venture to call me beloved that's a bit of a stretch four he's a jolly good fellow for she's a jolly good fellow for their two jolly good fellows for graduating and being born today happy day alex and davis we've done the best we can yeah for we're all jolly good people for we're all jolly good people for we're all jolly good people okay i think this is really pulling focus from my birthday a bit though that your mother and me and father and me are so proud you

Channel: Millie Fletcher

Views: 933,721

Keywords: schitt's creek, CBS

Id: 7k7CSdWxfs4

Length: 18min 15sec (1095 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 05 2021