Questioner: So another topic that is like
very sensitive but, it’s not talked about as much
is casual relationships that exists in this nice age group that we’re in (Few laugh). So, yeah I’m just going to say good things
about us. So, people engage in physical relationships
today and what they lack is a lot of emotions and we want to know if it’s, it’s opinion… I mean your opinion on it, and
whether people do it by choice, is it healthy, is it, you know, what to make of it? Sadhguru: Can I tell you a joke? Questioner: Yes, I like jokes, yeah, yeah
(Few laugh). Sadhguru: There was one Mrs. Bhatia, nobody
Bhatias (Laughter)? I could change the name (Few laugh). There was one Mrs. Bhatia, who was having
her 50th wedding anniversary. They had a wedding anniversary and the next
day she filed for divorce. The judge saw the divorce petition, he was
also a good family friend so he called her and he said, “Why you want to divorce your
husband? He’s such a sweet little thing (Few laugh). Why do you want to divorce him? On what grounds you want to divorce him?” She said “He has not been faithful to me,
he’s been cheating me.” “How do you come to this conclusions, just
yesterday you had your 50th wedding anniversary, you were fine yesterday, how do you conclude
this?” “I got little nostalgic
and started flipping through the photo album, then I saw none of my five children resemble
him (Laughter).” So (Laughs)… see right now, do you remember
how your great, great, great, great, great grandmother ten generations ago looked like? You don’t! But her nose is sitting on your face right
now. Your body remember, yes or no? Participant: Yes. Sadhguru: Your body remembers even the skin
tone of your forefathers a million years ago, it still remembers, not forgotten. So, what you’re calling as my body is an
enormous amount of memory, isn’t it? What you carry in your brain as memory is
minuscule, what you carry in your body – there is evolutionary
memory, there is genetic memory, there is karmic memory,
there are articulate and inarticulate levels of memory,
there is so much memory. You know… You think you know how to walk right now,
please understand only because your body has built up that memory,
if your body forgets you won’t be able to walk. So the amount of memory for every simple thing
that you do, you know what to eat, what not to eat,
how to eat, you must put it in your mouth not in your ears. This may look funny but you would not know
if you don’t remember. So your body is a repository of tremendous
amount of memory and it’s picking up all the time. If you walk from here to here (Gestures) there
maybe fifty different kinds of mild smells, you may not consciously notice but the body
is picking it up and it recognizes. All the time it’s recognizing,
that’s how you know what is good smell, what is bad smell, this is this smell, that
is… you recognize the different aspects of sound,
smell, this, that because constant recognition is happening. So, this body memory, traditionally in this
culture, we called this as runanubandha. That means physical memory that you build. You can either consciously build your physical
memory, or you can simply take in wild amounts of memory
and go through lots of co… physical confusion. So, wherever there is impact… I don’t know if you still have these things,
maybe in you… your generation is gone,
but still there will be people in Bangalore City,
if you ask them to… if you try to give them salt, they won’t take it, they’ll say,
“Keep it there.” Hmm? If you try to give them sesame seeds, they
will say, “Please, keep it there,” because they have recognized many substances
which can easily carry your memory and it will become mine if I take it. So, I don’t want to take in memory. This is the reason why generally in this culture,
touching each other, shaking hands, these things are avoided. We touch our own two hands and do Namaskaram,
because we don’t want to go on picking up memory. Because if I as much as touch this, this memory,
it remembers. You try this with four of your friends, you
touch their hands. Don’t try to consciously remember, every
day touch their hands, forget about it. Tomorrow, if that person comes and touches
you, you know it’s this hand, isn’t it? So, the body remembers, it’s not the mind. The physical body remembers; this is called
as runanubandha. When there is a sexual interaction, or there
is any kind of intimacy which involves thought, emotion and body, the amount of memory that
is left in your system is very big. It is from this context, they said, “You
must keep this as simple as possible.” There are other aspects where, in certain
tantric process and all they are involving, they are preparing themselves for years to
distance themselves from the body in such a way,
that the body doesn’t pick up anything from anywhere. This is being done like a sadhana, not as
sexual promiscuity. So, the question is not of morality, the question
is of what is it that you want to do with yourself in your life. If you want to be in such a way
that in your life, your inner intelligence will be the most dominant thing in your life,
not your physical body, then you must keep the body’s memory as
simple as possible. This is why simple types of food. You know, people go into very simple kind
of food, not complicated. Even now, I eat one meal a day, and I eat
only one item in the meal, I won’t eat ten. I may eat all of those things another day,
but today I’ll eat only one item because it makes a huge… Just experiment and see, don’t go by my...
what I’m saying. Just experiment and see especially when your
examination time comes, eat simple food and see what a difference
it makes, for your intelligence how it functions, how
alert you are, everything. So, what is it that you are trying to build
yourself to? Do you want to build yourself to be a sexual
supernova or (Laughter)… No, I’m saying, some people may have that
intention. That’s up to them. But what is it that you want to do with your
life, is something that you must decide. If you have decided that, it’s very, very
important that you don’t unconsciously pick up enormous
amount of memory because this will lead to… later on you will see, it’ll become very
difficult to remain peaceful and joyful in your life. No matter what good things may be happening,
simply because there is confusing memories in the system. When something else of similar nature comes,
the body goes into a turmoil of confusion. It may not translate into your mind. Just physically, it will go on, so it's a
choice that one has to make. It’s not a question of morality, it is a
question of living sensibly (Applause). Mouni Roy: My question is, complexities of
any relationship, why do they beyond a point become complex? Whether it’s between girlfriends, whether
it’s between boyfriends And specially relationship between a girlfriend
and a boyfriend and husband-wife. Sadhguru: Namaskaram Mouni. So you are beginning to taste the sourness
of relationships. Of course, everybody knows the sweetness of
relationships too but there is also a lot of sourness. Unfortunately today, we have imbibed this
from the West again that if you utter the word “relationship,”
people are generally thinking of body-based relationships
or in some way, it has to be between a man and a woman or whatever else
but essentially, body-based relationship. No, relationships can be of many kinds. If they’re body-based relationships,
usually the excitement about each other’s body will die after some time. What you thought was ultimate, is not ultimate
after some time. It is natural that you begin to grow out of
it, then when the main draw which brought people
together is kind of melting away, without knowing why, they start being unpleasant
to each other (Laughs). Because essentially, such a relationship is
towards extracting sweetness from another person
extracting happiness from another person. So if you try to squeeze joy out of somebody,
after some time, you find when it doesn’t yield the same results as
it used to yield in the beginning, some bitterness will begin. It is important when you are young, certain
things may happen. As you start growing older… When I say older, from yesterday to today,
you’re older. I am not saying you’re old, Mouni, I’m
just saying from yesterday to today you’re a little older. So today, you must be thinking in terms of
that relationships that you hold in your life, not necessarily in terms of biological relationships,
any kind of relationship that you hold if relationship is based on your expression
of joy, not on extraction of joy. For this, you must become joyful by your own
nature, first of all. If you focus on this, that you are an exuberant
overflow of joy, if it is so and your relationship is only about sharing
this, then you don’t have to worry about the normal
circus that people go through in terms of relationships. Managing relationships means, in day to day
life, a relationship may not stay just in one area of life,
once people are together they will have to share many things. Naturally you will start stepping on each
other’s toes for many, many small things that happen. Because of this, there will be many interactions
or you can (Laughs) even call them altercations, they will happen. All this you cannot manage on a daily basis. People think they can manage, after some time
you will see, you cannot manage. So the best thing is to manage yourself in
such a way that you’re a natural, exuberant, joyful being. If this is so, relationships will happen,
and relationships will not be need-based. When relationships are need-based, if what
you need does not come, you will start cribbing, you will start complaining,
and you will start feeling bitter that what you are supposed to get you are not getting. If you eliminate this need within you that
you are a natural overflow of joy, if this one thing you do, you can have fabulous
relationship with every kind of people irrespective of who they are. They don’t have to be your kind. With all sorts of people you can hold wonderful
relationships. May you have the most beautiful relationships
in your life.
