r/StoriesAboutKevin - He Published the Photos PUBLICLY...

what's up guys welcome to daily dose of reddit this is your host zach and today's subreddit is our slash stories about kevin alright this story is called kevin senior and kevin junior of banks and gay furry video of the adult variety recently my husband reminded me of this post here and this unhinged idiot and his equally moronic son whom i dated in high school let us go back my childrens to the far faraway land of the midwestern united states in the 1980s the fridge played on the field any given sunday reagan destroyed the middle class and speak of the proverbial devil this story involves one of the biggest devotees of the gipper or is it jipper i don't know dude from the 1940s football guy kevin senior kevin senior managed one of the biggest banks in their small town with his brother he trusted his brother an unmarried bachelor who was violently addicted to cocaine and buying boats that he'd leave all over our county to properly manage as the president of the bank their father and grandfather had founded shortly after world war ii it goes without saying that within a few years senior's brother drove the bank to a failure due to giving himself multiple shares of profits and is now currently in prison for whatever liability insider training actually is the fact that he had 10 goddamn speedboats that he kept leaving on random lakes in michigan was icing on the felony cake so poor stupid seniors spent most of his adult life cleaning up after this terrible decision on his part and managing other banks but like russian history it got worse for him whether his fate or because he was a stupid butthole one may never know his biggest thing that he tried to do was buy and manage the same two bank branches so they were either in a hundred percent growth or a one hundred percent deficit depending on the fiscal year and or the will of the kevin gods of finance next senior married an older lady who will be known as america online from here on out she was five years older than him when they met at ages 22 and 27 she immediately demanded that they get married in the one true catholic church as soon as possible in a few months not quite nine months mind you later out pops kevin jr older lady proceeds to pump out a new child every two years afterwards until they have a brood of five kids between them because older lady wanted her children to be surrounded by friends uh no that is not how this works older lady you fat dumb bimbo because of this horde of quasi bastard children older lady is a busy stay-at-home mom and senior is busy cleaning up his brother's vomit and dead hookers at the two branches of the bank as well as bringing home the bacon to feed all these kids but he never quite warmed up to junior who did not look anything like him his wife or any of their extended family members having a huge nose different colored hair and being quite slender unlike the vaguely poor scene looking family that kevin senior came from senior of course chalked it up to a faith in god that he now has a son that looked like the milkman and was born a nine-pound full-term baby six months after his marriage oh no this is of course such as the kevin du not wanting to cause a cuckold scandal senior put up with junior who unlike everyone else in the family was also extremely artistic and verbal reading books at 3 and mastering calligraphy in cursive before he started grade school whoa these were traits that royally pissed off senior like your ass would not believe who often threw out his kids art supplies in order to toughen them up because that is a classic kevin parenting move junior dealt with seniors continued emotional abuse throughout his childhood which ranged on the season senior refused to teach junior how to ride a bike and junior remembered sad memories of his dad taking all the other kids on bike rides throughout the neighborhood whilst he sat at home watching them have fun with their dad junior was given the hardest physical chores as well to toughen him up this included pruning older ladies rose bushes mowing the lawn and moving the furniture which kevin senior kept buying and forgetting about so it often ended up in one of the bank's front rooms confusing the hell out of the customers who just wanted to deposit a check rather than walk around a collection of ethan allen couches junior kept thinking that pruning the rose bushes meant trimming all the flowers and letting the vines grow they never realized it and when i first came over to their house junior proudly showed me his work on the thorn bushes senior later moved them over after a fight with older lady around this time junior and i met as junior camp counselors at the local ymca me because i wanted to get the frick out of the house for the summer and junior because his dad thought him hanging around a bunch of dudes in swimming trunks was going to make his son interested in girls sure enough junior and i started dating being a fat little 15 year old who was really into lord of the rings and horses i thought that our dates consisting of junior holding my hand as we watched movies and listened to andrew lloyd webber soundtracks was the height of romance my god i think he briefly turned me into a kevin around this time junior was also downloading a lot of video of the adult variety on the family computer because that is what idiot teen boys do i mean we're on reddit i get it but it was okay he explained to me as he emotionally got family friendly video of the adult variety whatever is that crap you ask according to junior family friendly video of the adult variety consisted of a lot of funny cartoon dickings especially of the rooster from rock-a-doodle-doo getting butt-banged by the biker mice from mars yep gay furry video of the adult variety is good for the whole family you see god my poor boy throttle deserved better junior even took to drawing this crap and sending it to me via his mom's email address and promptly lost his cool with me when i told him i thought him spending hours drying cartoon roosters getting banged by beefcake mice was really freaking weird and maybe he should focus on his ap art portfolio instead junior screamed at me that he was bisexual and a true girlfriend would be a-okay with it otherwise i was prejudiced and a monster who didn't deserve him and his pirated phantom of the opera cds so i shut up and took it as young girls with negging bisexual furry boyfriends are what to do older lady discovered junior's big gay furry album on her email shortly thereafter and promptly grounded him a senior took to screaming at junior constantly after this incident and at one point shoved him down the stairs when he discovered that his brother cashed most of their stock options so he could buy another boat and abandon it in yeepsalanti epsilante i don't know junior had by this point hooked up with a series of other furries including a 23 year old's unicorn or horse or whatever who invited him to come spend the night a few times a week at his place and they'd play dress-up i told junior i wanted to be the only person in the relationship junior explained to me that bisexual people were allowed as many partners as they wanted unlike straight people and if i wanted him i needed to be expected that i was not always going to be first in line i promptly stopped taking his whiny-ass phone calls and went out with my friends instead of wasting any more time on junior and his furry video of the adult variety and cheating cell shortly after this junior ran off supposedly to his pansexual unicorn boyfriend's house i should mention that junior didn't even have his permit as he crashed senior's car when he briefly started learning how to drive and senior promptly forbade him from ever learning how to drive under his watch however junior only made it close to two miles before he made it to a pay phone he begged me to come pick him up as he didn't have a car and senior had found out that he was a part-time love slave to an adult man who liked dressing up as a my little pony and oh why oh why did not anyone understand him doing the emotional labor that is expected of a teen girl who's been parentified since she was 10 i explained to junior that i only had my driver's permit so i called my dad and asked him to help my boyfriend my dad in an act of meanness i didn't know was possible called up senior and told him exactly where his son was senior drove up to junior in their neighbor's car junior gleefully jumped in only to find out that it was senior who came to pick him up senior proceeded to beat the ever living crap out of junior in the car yikes at this point i gave up once and for all on the kevin's broke up with junior and swore never to go near them or their families bank ever again senior's brother ended up doing time in prison for hillbilly insider trading and the bank declared well bankruptcy alder lady was forced to get a real job and junior was the only one of the five kids to stay by his parents side and help out by getting multiple associate's degrees those are their own stories and i'll continue on with them soon and ops leaving a note to the part about senior beating the ever living crap out of junior in the car and they say writing this out is painful folks i remember running over to my dad's house and asking when we were going to grab junior and my dad proudly telling me he called senior instead when i cried and asked him why he would call an abusive parent and tell them where their mistreated child is he patronizingly told me that i wouldn't understand i'm a little girl and not a parent he did the right thing i told him i wish i had different parents and then refused to see my dad for weeks it's one of many reasons my dad is not allowed to be alone with my daughter now well op thank you for sharing and you know what i guarantee you that you were a very valuable part of kevin junior's life because you know seemed like he was dealing with a lot of mean people and you know it's nice that you were in his corner at least despite all the annoying crap this story's called my nephew is the biggest kevin i have ever met this is a story of my nephew's disastrous adventures how my family demanded i cure him of stupidity and how he was fired from each of his jobs my family is kinda strangely staggered by age my older brother is 37 and i'm 19. he's my only sibling so i am by extension my nephew's only uncle my nephew is also 19. [Laughter] that's funny my parents expect me to understand kevin and to figure out what's wrong with him infuriatingly they expect me to be an uncle slash mentor figure to kevin and relate to him as a teenager for context let's go back to his younger years the first true act of kevin-ness that my idiot nephew pulled was his cyber attack on my dad's business site online kevin was only 14 when he did this by cyber attack i mean he went on to my dad's website my dad sells sports memorabilia and posted a video of the adult or i guess just adult content into the comment section of the site no not just a little adult content 7 000 image comments worth using a bot he found online when asked why he told my dad all grandpas are horny my friends at school said they are next was kevin's genius 16th birthday stunt at his party he had a pool he also had a garden gnome he decided the best move for maximum coolness with his peers was to somersault off of a makeshift diving board made out of glued together two by fours not only jump off the diving board but do an acrobatic with a gnome at the same time kevin leapt off the diving board keep in mind there were seven other people in the pool and three more out of it but nearby as kevin kicked off the board in reverse plunging head and back first he slammed his feet into the gnome and kicked it straight up as kevin crashed into the water and the spinning gnome experienced gravity it slammed into kevin's leg which which pulverized and put him on crutches for three months he was lucky he didn't kill one of his friends with the gnome to the head on his first day of real work this january kevin got an aid on the a.c.t and skipped college whoa kevin was working at a gas station he decided since it was cold that day that when he showed up his best work attire would be a heavy coat in balaclava that's right he wore bank robbers clothes because it was call they almost called the police until the inevitable it me kevin when he pulled the mask off a week later he was fired for cutting out a photo of a celebrity out of a magazine on sale at the store and masturbating with it in the bathroom of the store for 4 hours kevin is a big video gamer and actually has some success on twitch playing minecraft he has 500 subs why anyone would want to watch him do anything is beyond me he probably digs straight down in mines at night anyway here's a few of his misadventures in gaming he was caught trying to play real life minecraft as he put it for youtube that means going in the backyard with a pickaxe and digging holes in the lot he bought a jar of borscht russian beet soup at a grocery store and drank it on stream while playing counter-strike i don't play it but he says it has lots of russians and he wanted to show super slav energy next was his attempt at taking the sat instead of a ct kevin refused to study for his act retake and scored eight an improvement from six on his first try my school offered s.a.t for students who failed at act kevin got a 660 which he called hard work he was also caught in the shower giving himself a vinegar enema as punishment for failing after the act retake when he came home from taking it he once went to a bank with a stack of cds because he wanted a cd or a certificate of deposit he also jumped on my brother's his father's knees while he was sleeping and ran out of the room my brother woke up groaning in pain and kevin just admitted it out of the blue one time kevin tried to ski in the house that's right skiing indoors he put snow from outside on the stairs came barreling down and slammed face first into the christmas tree which collapsed like his hopes of making the nicest that christmas the last story i can think of to post was the time he decided to do a boogeyman impersonation last weekend i don't care that i'm a grown man i freaked out on him over this one kevin jumped out of my closet at 2am during thanksgiving this year that's not a big deal the big deal is that i thought i was alone in my room for three hours in pitch black before kevin wearing red light bulbs clipped to his glasses leaped out of my closet shrieking like a banshee and yelling in a shrill voice i'm gonna eat you a couple of weeks ago i bought a gun unrelated to kevin and if i had been on the other side of the bed where i keep my gun kevin might have been a dead man he scared me so good honestly that's a win on his part i'm not even gonna cap kevin good job there fast forward to the last three months my family wants me to decavanize him i don't know where to start this guy nearly tricked me into shooting him and yet they want me to one act as a mentor as his uncle and two relate to him because i'm his age this is insane hope you got a kick out of hearing about my idiot nephew edit wow this blew up i'll upload some more of my stories later i think i've told all the best one but there's more that seems pretty funny and it's always interesting when uh uncles and aunts are like the same age as their nephews and nieces it's always funny i've got a situation like that here um i've got a two-year-old cousin and a few month old i guess six month old or more nephew it's pretty interesting don't forget to like subscribe and hit that bell to never miss an episode

Channel: Daily Dose Of Reddit

Views: 8,026

Rating: 4.9323673 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit funny, daily dose of reddit, daily dose of internet, daily dose of memes

Id: yzPf5NJ1ypA

Length: 17min 14sec (1034 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 14 2020