r/Religiousfruitcake | bruhhh

pastor says Jesus hasn't returned because people haven't donated enough cash I don't know why these guys are still around not do people continue to give these Super Rich asshats money stop it they are stealing look at this guy he is an evil man he is a demon in a really ugly damn suit that definitely costs more than it should why don't atheists have their own language why don't the atheists have their own language why are they speaking our religious languages Christians speak English Muslims speak Arabic and you speak Hebrew so why atheists are speaking the God's languages we'll start speaking Piglet and we'll continue to make fun of you in pig latin if that would make you feel better God is punishing the Liberals in California floods fires tornadoes mudslides Etc do all you liberals and Cali think maybe it's God's way of reminding you there's only two sexes oh man yeah California is literally just liberals that's all that lives there straight up nobody else no one else with any other type of belief system lives in California man I know you mentioned liberals in Cali but it's punishing everyone right I don't know man seems like you're a little uh stupid is that going too far when a woman drives a car her mind is preoccupied and when she sits for a long time her pelvis bounces and this bouncing places pressure on the ovaries therefore in America France and Europe women have only two or three children not because of family planning but because of functional disorder of their ovaries um based on what this guy is saying I've got a sneaky suspicion he's never even seen a woman before what the hell are you talking about dude shut up God damn the Origin of Species this book was written under the inspiration of evil the words are Satan breathed breast Aid okay okay Wendell chill the hell out bro you know not everyone needs a voice Wendell you can think this all you want but maybe shut the hell up this is how Malaysian TV broadcasted Michelle Yo's Oscar went cool what a great great place to watch TV at least I mean come on those men over there must be thinking some serious thoughts gotta block out most of their tour I mean look at the one up at the top left there just blur everything but their heads damn was it say in the Bible about men ripping their eyes out because their gaze is just weird it whatever it doesn't matter a little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like her dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it into small pieces he told her to go to her room and see if she can put it together after some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together the dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly she said on the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together yeah I'm sure I'm sure that's exactly what happened yep nothing else no no weirdness going on in this Facebook post that's for sure buried our Bible under our house today before the slab is poured he is our Firm Foundation why would you do that that seems kind of disrespectful right I don't know there's something about it that feels a little off just a tiny bit off you know what I mean wait until the Democrats find out Trump is colluding with God I don't even I don't even know what to say there's there's sometimes just a level of ridiculousness silliness goofiness that there's really nothing to say no words no real words that can come out of my tiny little Walnut brain it's just okay feminism has shaped people into thinking it's their their body it is first and foremost Gods then your husbands then yours I don't care if this is bait Paul you're one nasty ass you are absolutely gross you are disgusting you are pathetic I'm sorry but you need to shut the [ __ ] up and sorry to the editor for having a bleep and bloop you know but that's what happens when a person this stupid says something this stupid your body is your body but a period at the end of that sentence your husband don't own Yoshi this is God you are you because this couple chose to sit during the prayer and the national anthem today here at penwell Knights Raceway the owner Gary Gardenhire refunded their gate fees and they were asked to leave the track God bless you Gary that's awesome imagine going to watch a race and then being forced to pray this ain't a free country in a lot of areas folks if you don't follow the rules you're gonna get kicked out right and I think it's even better that this racetrack even though it's a small photo clearly looks like it's freaking bumping you know it's making a lot of money there's so many people here for sure let's kick a few more out shall we this review for Ariana Grande's perfume oh boy God is not a woman God called the light day and the Darkness he called night Genesis I'm sorry but have you seen Dogma God is definitely a woman that movie proved it okay I'm just saying maybe you should pay attention to the real facts attention moms pay attention if your kids watch Mickey's great Clubhouse hunt thought it was great until they got to the part where Mickey and Pete are trapped in the Giant's house in the sky seemed fine then in a Disney Junior show on Pete's shoulder appeared a devil version of bait why why is this on a show geared for toddler-aged kids why is this even a thing on the show thankfully I was watching this with her and I immediately changed it thought Disney Junior channel was an okay thing to let her watch alone guess not the devil on the shoulder and the angel on the shoulder being one of the oldest God damn tropes when it comes to morality and blah blah blah blah blah who cares really you had never seen that before ever yeah sure beware all Christians you could be speaking to a homosexual online they communicate through phone and computer I'm hoping oh no what are the odds that I'm speaking to a homosexual I need to know if they're in my favor you know what I'm saying to all the Christian ads out there check yourselves all right let's see Jesus welcomed the poor you didn't you didn't dude a lot of people like to completely forget what Jesus was all about and say that he liked Bud Light and guns more than people happy National Coming Out day no matter if you're out or not who you are is valid and you're always welcome here do The Avalanche welcome conservative Christians who maintain that homosexuality is contrary to both nature and God's law this isn't about you this is for our friends who historically don't feel safe or welcomed in a hockey environment and many you still don't we weren't excluding anyone why are you but what if posts like these make Christian fans feel unwelcome in this hockey environment well Colin good I hope you feel unwelcome in this hockey environment as someone who lives in Colorado and has seen the Colorado Avalanche I support the message and you can go cry into a pillow you're not being persecuted you are just the biggest baby I've ever seen want her to never forget get you buy her a prayer mat in a Quran case with her name on it so she's not allowed to throw it away I usually just go with the give her a piece of cheese thing because it will make her perplexed spoiler alert Jesus wasn't vaccinated she isn't wrong however when kids die from preventable diseases they aren't coming back on Easter yeah Jesus kind of had the uh the extra life coin uh our babies don't Assassin's Creed Odyssey lets you be as gay as you want this takes place in ancient Greece right the Greeks followed religious Doctrine so they would kill somebody for being gay therefore if this series which Prides itself in its historical realism apart from characters having an impact is gonna add this it's wrong you think ancient Greece wasn't gay I know ancient Greece followed Christianity now whenever I do a quick Google I'm not doing any in-depth research at all I'm doing one simple Google I I searched the religion of ancient Greece ancient Greek theology was polytheistic based on the assumption that there were many gods and goddesses as well as a range of lesser supernatural beings of various types you ever heard of Zeus dumbass are you serious yep they followed Christianity 100 even if that were true Greece was pretty freaking gay bro Uganda anti-homosexuality Bill life in prison for saying you're gay hooray let's take I can't even count how many steps back I hear friends tell their kids I'm so proud of you and the first thing that hits my mind is pride is one of the seven deadly sins Pride can mean a couple different things there's a couple different types of Pride you know damn well that's not the one they're talking about same when I see the abomination of LGBT I really hope Lord Jesus will come back quickly and Purge this world now we understand why God drowned the whole world before truly an Abomination do you forget what the rainbow is you've got what it means without God our week would be sin day morn day tears day waste day Thursday fight day and shatter day oh yeah I shattered on Saturday seven days without God makes one week that's Q cute and clever and I'm sure it made a bunch of money with a bunch of random white people somewhere in rural Michigan but I'm not buying it theist asserts divorces happen because of atheism God isn't real ten minutes later in convo yeah my parents are divorced I fail to see the relationship here I don't what do you mean bound on a dating site profile cuffed Christian cowgirl bracelet bound to serve and submit I'm a devout believer in biblical submission and honor my god-given duty to obey I need a man who will cherish and deepen that I'm not expecting to meet my future husband on a dating app or even my next boyfriend what I am looking for right now is a Dom that can help me practice Christian domestic discipline bonus points if you know your way around ropes or can hypnotize me I'm also a recent Colorado Refugee looking for fun people to remind me of what living in a Godly state is like so for you this is just a kick this is just a fetish that adds up a little bit more I guess such a powerful message I had to share it two donkeys were walking in Jerusalem when one donkey said to the other just yesterday I was here carrying Jesus and the people were singing and shouting and throwing down their clothes for me to walk on and today they don't even recognize me the other donkey replied that's how it is my friend without Jesus you are nothing what is the powerful message here that this donkey was only worth something when he was carrying God I'm I'm super confused by what this message supposedly is I mean I know what you're getting at I do I genuinely do but it's all [ __ ] up in the way it's told Lauren boo-boo bing bing baber bobert says her unrestricted gun rights come from God and Democrats are disillusioned about that I genuinely couldn't care less what this psychopath has to say at any given moment and I'm so tired of seeing her face and hearing her damn name what goes around comes around book ban lawmaker very sad that a parent is using his lot to ban the sex-ridden Bible the parents said that if lesser books have been banned than the Bible which discusses infanticide infant whatever is not appropriate for kids kind of funny how that works at Hubbard kind of funny isn't it buddy boy yeah the Bible's pretty creepy atheists let people down due to Darwinism a man is drowning atheist thinks good he's unfit for Life the gene pool is stronger without him continues eating lunch Christian thinks he's made in God's image he needs help risks his own life he jumps in to save the man selflessness is inconsistent with atheistic Darwinism atheistic Darwinism what does that even mean I'm sorry I hate terms like that that Oswalt did a very funny little stand-up bit about people that learn the lingo and say the proper things while meaning some [ __ ] up I don't know there's just something creepy about all this terminology I don't identify as anything but myself is it a sin for women to say Amen during a sermon if a bunch of people said it at the same time a hearty amen was set in church last Sunday and I joined in huh what the actual what are you talking about there's nothing in the Bible that asserts this claim when Jesus was a baby Satan prompted the government to murder babies new government same old demons yeah I I desperately need someone to point to me like point it out like I'm a three-year-old in the Bible where it says that Satan prompted the government to murder babies I'm please show me Satan's more creative than God good to know God created Adam and Eve Satan created all the other genders so Satan's got himself an imagination science of human biology according to Hadith a non-muslim eats in seven intestines a Muslim eats in only one intestine what are you talking about Muslim fruitcake thinks pigeons with Newcastle disease is praying to Allah and the most beautiful or and is the most beautiful thing to see wait what Allahu Akbar this is the most beautiful thing to see a dying pigeon confused maybe get the Holy Spirit to pick your crap up he has been crying worshiping and praying in the spirit for the past hour he's legit on fire and this is the most real thing I've ever seen his five-year-old brother walked in the room and started feeling the Holy Spirit he looked at his mom and said it's time I want to be saved Jenny led him in a prayer and our little James was just born again tonight Revival is breaking out in our home Hallelujah I'm really glad I don't live with people that would make me this uncomfortable man no thanks this is why the lust of the flesh is evil even the woman's reproductive organs are shaped like Lucifer himself how much more proof do you need sex is evil because when man lays with the woman he lays with the devil we all came out of the woman and therefore we are all evil and born of Satan even you atheists this is why we must repent to our lord it's the only way to heaven this is just another one of those guys that legitimately despises women this person thinks women are beneath him and they are not human beings and this is how he justifies it by saying that women equate to Satan that's actually what's going on here if anybody ever says anything like this make sure you absolutely do not associate with them ever again block remove live your life because life's too [ __ ] short to deal with people that think you are subhuman real PowerPoint slide used a hundred percent Earnest by a real creationist can ham to disparage science look at the guy's face God said it I believe it that settles it man can ham how long has it been since he debated Bill Nye and got absolute ass clappage going on in there man several people mentioned they learned a 72-hour rule from their churches as in men need sex every 72 hours or else like what will happen to them if they don't get it is it like forgetting to feed your Tamagotchi is that a thing any viewers or listeners out there have you ever been to a church that actually talks about a 72-hour rule because that is the single dumbest [ __ ] thing I've ever heard are they they admitting defeat here the reason Pride flags are so ubiquitous in American society is that every conquering Army raises its Banner to Signal victory over its opponents yes so what are you saying squires are you saying that you have in fact lost I mean you're gonna but it's kind of funny right fruitcake at Costco really at Costco come on all right what is this guy doing here attention God will judge you for your sins repent believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved that's nice can you get the [ __ ] out of the way I need a goddamn loaf of bread you stupid [Laughter] sorry that just all came tumbling out that's that that is that is not me I'm so I apologize so you're an atheist yeah when was the wheel invented 3500 BC before who okay that that one's good I'm sorry this one's funny dude it's stupid but that's why it's funny I'm a hundred percent convinced if Jesus was still here on Earth transgenders and homosexuals would kill him as soon as they realized he doesn't support or condone their lifestyle I'm just gonna read a quick Bible verse here my command is this love each other as I have loved you greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for one's friends you notice how he says a lot uh everyone love each other as I have loved you treat others as you wish to be treated kind of [ __ ] everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God everyone everyone everyone everyone everyone you see that word do you see that word do you hear that word it does not say you know what if you don't get it at this point there's no helping video of Dalai Lama asking a boy to suck his tongue goes viral and Sparks contra he just felt left out you know of the Scandal found this in a discussion about a girl not wanting to wear a hijab anymore oh Pete it's never too late to repent and go back to where you belong another one of these guys let's see first they removed hijab and we didn't speak up then they wear sexy clothing and we didn't speak up next they become LGBT and we didn't speak up in the end the religion is gone and there's no one else to speak up you can't actually be serious with this right the no one left to speak up bit are you are you seriously appropriating that for your dip comment stay strong Muslims uh okay okay it's hilarious when conservative Christians say out loud that they hate Jesus's greatest commandment uh I don't like how effeminate modern Christianity is it's hard to get men involved because of it I don't need to hear Jesus loves a thousand times that's not how you motivate men I want to hear how you so you're not following the religion itself that's what this is all about dude that's what it's all about being a good person treating people appropriately loving your fellow man regardless of well most things live in a good damn life why why do you hate that so much you don't need to hear Jesus Loves A Thousand Times maybe you should because that's the guy you're supposedly worshiping and well he loves that's really it Pastor because hardcore devil stomping ninja isn't an official job title you're right because that's not a thing what are you talking about God created women to give birth without pain but when the first woman ate the forbidden fruit against the Commandment of god god Jehovah punished every woman with pain at Birth yeah they say women ate the fruit or woman ate the fruit but it's likely man ate the fruit and blamed woman that's why women suffer because of men it was the woman who ate first and brought the fruit to the man Adam she stood in front of the man holding the fruit without a bra and underwear yeah I didn't imagine that they would have Fruit of the Loom and Hanes in the Garden of Eden the man was looking at the nakedness and the Commandment of God Almighty Jehovah disappeared from his head Eve tricked Adam with her nakedness sounds like Adam's stupid the last straight white male hmm that outfit says otherwise this is my story the year is 2034 the cash me outside girl is President there are 67 298 genders it's illegal to have an opinion I'm the last straight white male this is my story really Fallout 4 couldn't do anything better than that Easter is coming and we've got you covered look at this amazing display our Coca-Cola reps put together Bravo can I just buy some soda I kissed a girl and I liked it then I went to hell I've I've kissed a girl and I liked I'm going to hell dude come on that just doesn't seem proportionate you know it the punishment's not fitting the crime this is my mask liberal you're breathing the Holy Bible also I do like that you do actually need to wear your sleep apnea mask it's a something I this doesn't seem like it'd be fun to live with you know maybe God should fix it atheists when God still doesn't let them out of hell after their 1 millionth time explaining that Eternal punishment is it more immoral according to 21st century Western humanism uh I'm sorry but they're right it's kind of weird isn't it yeah Eternal punishment doesn't make sense at all I mean none of this makes sense it's interesting she doesn't challenge people that have a valid point and actually know the Bible why would she challenge other atheists what did you even read my comment who cares a new hashtag Christians are trying to make hashtag no one is trans oh man you could go around in circles for days with people who quote the Bible whenever they feel they need to so ignore all logic if the Bible says X is true and you disagree with X you are wrong period your opinion doesn't matter your experience doesn't matter your preference doesn't matter X is still true if God says it is true well God hasn't said anything literally ever so okay um I don't know I think you're kind of crazy but that's okay if you want the book with strangely thin paper print to be how you lead your life that's one thing but I know you ain't following it the way the book was intended to have you follow it at all you are doing whatever you want president Trump will be arrested during Lent a time of suffering and purification for the followers of Jesus Christ as Christ was crucified and then rose again on the third day so too Will trump you're following the false Shepherd right that's what that's what's going on right the false Shepherd so according to him homosexuality is Western culture but Adam and Eve are part of Indian culture hmm the same-sex marriages will defect will affect definitely on the family ecosystem and as an Indian it is not our culture it is Western culture we are against this same-sex marriage we were born from Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve Well if we were all born from the same two people it's no wonder we're this stupid now I honestly don't know how Muslim men can be comfortable with their wife working out at a mixed gym also Muslim men themselves shouldn't work out in a mixed gym too why not yeah yeah why not what you freaking [ __ ] this is who atheists think wrote the Bible on have you read it have you read it because let's be real I'd believe it I would dude I'm sorry oh

Channel: EmKay

Views: 682,591

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Religiousfruitcake

Id: vr_ognKSAGQ

Length: 22min 23sec (1343 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 26 2023