Ross Bennett Comedian is Clean and Clever

so I'm a uh I'm a New Yorker myself if I have a story that my whole story is that I'm a New Yorker but I'm not from New York City I'm from the part of New York that you folks do not consider to be New York you know I'm from the western part of New York State you would call it probably the fingerlake region Western New York State my hometown Hornell h o r r n e l l Hornell New York a small town just on the outskirts of a Walmart because I am a real American because Real Americans we tend to live close to Walmart 85% of us in the United States now live within 15 minutes of a Walmart isn't that an amazing statistic we live within 15 minutes of a 24-hour store anything we want in America 24 hours a day because sometimes As Americans we wake up and we need stuff we do we sit up on our beds oh god oh roofing nails I can't wait I said I can't wait don't hold me back back woman sometimes when I shop at a Walmart I don't know what I need till I'm in the store cuz I'm not like my parents my parents were were part of the greatest Generation I look out here I see many people kind of like my parents you know you you you you many of you went through the Great Depression I look some of you might have actually caused it so my parents generation very frugal people when they wanted something they didn't buy it they saved and only when they had enough money would they put this item on the list and then they would go to the store with their list in hand and they would only buy what was on the list see when I go shopping I don't have a list I have no list I have no list when I go shopping I have an hour [Music] I grab a cart let's see what happens next thing I'm in the checkout line I look in my cart it's like coming to out of an alcoholic blackout the hell was I thinking this is when I'll often abandon my shopping cart they're all over the store these half full carts they stay up little plaqued this is where a shopper came to his sensus first all I New York is one of those places everybody should come here once in their life you know New York City is like the mecca for people who don't go to Mecca but my first time here I was overwhelmed I saw more people in a block of New York City than I would have seen in my home town all year and some people I noticed could be a little aggressive my first day here a little old woman scooted me out of the way a little old woman God bless her coming through poshing me out of the way boy boy I'm your right boy and what I thought I heard I've got a knife boy so I'm running around Time Square she's got a knife what kind of a city is it and you know what happens if you run around this city and you scream someone that has a knife do you know what happens nothing nothing happens nothing they treated me like I was the problem of course she has a knife we all have knife get over it I'll stab you myself you farmer get out of here you're a farmer I can SM hell yeah get out of here I'm an easygoing guy doesn't take a lot to make me happy if I find a parking spot in Manhattan I've had a good day I find a parking spot in Manhattan I feel like I felt in my 20s when I would have casual sex oh I'm thankful I'm appreciative and I'm mildly [Laughter] suspicious cuz whenever I find a parking spot I can never trust it's a legitimate parking stot I'm always standing next to my car in doubt I don't know I don't think I can leave it here I don't think I can leave it here then I look for then you start looking for approval from the signs five look at this sign they got like five signs on one pole and each sign seems to slightly contradict the other sign [Applause] but I'm at this point in my life I'm starting to make noises I do any kind of work around my home I make two noises one noise when I do the work another noise better a second later sounds like I'm thinking about the work I just did huh are we on the same page everything I do I sit down I come home at the end of the day I sit in my chair oh little things I think noise is doing little things adjusting the thermostat how much work is a ther it's a dial a dial on you I got to tell you right now sometimes when I work in New York City I come to the thermostat joke I almost have to explain it to you like your children you know outside of the city they live in houses yes they do they really do and inside their little houses they have a choice as to what the temperature is going to be I know it's like science fiction cuz in a real New York City Apartment not a lot of of minute temperature adjustments when you have a radiator that radiators are on or off you people God bless you and can either comfortably hang raw meat in the living room or you run into your hallway on fire the only way to effectively adjust the temperature in a real New York City Apartment who knows open the window open the window of course they raise and lower the window to adjust the amount of the Arctic air mass they're going to allow in it's getting a little toasty time for a nor Easter so I'm in a friend's it's kind of funny I'm at a friend's apartment he's adjusting the temperature with the window so as a joke I took a magic marker and on the edge of the window I rode in 78 76 call that a Brooklyn thermostat that's well you've been a wonderful audience I want you to know that a comedian could not have asked for a finer group to get up in front of and dance and your laughter and Applause have been like golden coins thrown at my feet but all good things must come to an end every comedian you ever see notice that we always have one piece of material we save it for the end of our shows we call it amongst ourselves our big finish and it brings the audience to an extra level of Applause and laughter now little bad news I've already done my big thing sorry right I have some jokes left these are older jokes from the beginning of my career do you mind if I close with an older joke from when I first started performing is it okay with you can uh can you believe this whole Watergate thing so every generation will have an event that bonds them together everybody in this room for the rest of our lives or remember where we were on 9911 just like my parents' generation remembered where they were on Pearl Harbor Day My Generation was the assassination of President Kennedy I was in third grade when my teacher Mrs lamb came in the room and she was crying and she said children go home your parents will have something they want to tell you and I ran home I was confused and scared I was I was eight years old and I went up to my father I said Dad Mrs lamb is crying and she said there's something you want to tell me and I'll never forget my father said she's a liar and a whse that woman don't bring me me you been a wonderful audience thank you all very much good [Applause] night

Channel: Tim Grable

Views: 92,081

Keywords: Ross Bennett (Comedian), Ross Bennett, Comedian (Profession), Comedy, Funny, Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), Humor, Sketch, Hilarious, Comic, Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), funny, clever stand up comedy, hilarious, clever comedians, clean comedy, laugh, smart comedy, witty stand up comedy, humor, ross bennett stand up, comedians stand up comedy, comedian ross bennett, comedy clever, clean comedians stand up comedy, jeff allen, daren streblow

Id: 6phhoxeukGI

Length: 10min 48sec (648 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 14 2014