Best Of Mick Miller - Comedy Compilation of Britain's Funniest Comedian

you like the pink crash helmet it's um I'm glad there's no kids in cuz I work with kids now and again you know they think I'm Coco the clown when I walk on honestly kids think I'm going to pull a string of me air is going to fly up I know you're looking at the hair and thinking Hulk Hogan's let himself go this is what Donald Trump looks like when he comes out of the shower this is I lost my air when I was 6 what a card game that was I said to this airdresser I said I want some highlights and he's G me this video of old haircuts you noticed I've still got the sunroof got this new shampoo it's called shoulders found a member of the pink Crush helmet Club look at the state if we paint nipples on our heads we could be in page three tomorrow I mean you my grandma blessed she in 98 and uh we had to put her in a home and um I mean she was she was like a fish out of water she died I went for a man checkup how embarrassing was that a man checkup so I've gone in he said can I face down on the bed say face down please can you stick your leg out to the side then heard the snap of the rubber glove now this Fell's coming to me with a finger well how would you make a conversation I said um you want Twitter anyway he did what he had to do and he walked out and the nurse came in she said who was that well Blackpool I went to one of them fortune tellers in Blackpool and I said I said I want me Palm red and [ __ ] it with a spanner she said do you believe in reincarnation I said no and I didn't believe it when I was a frog she got the crystal ball out she said you're not going to have any more children the ball roll off the table and crush me [Applause] knackers we flew over and and I don't like flying don't you no and if you're nervous flying people always say you don't know well if your numbers up your numbers up what if it's the pilots numbers up why get me involved the Americans you call it standing in line and we call it standing in a que so i' I've given the lady the passport and the ticket and she looked at me and she went far q i I said say again she said the farq so that's all right then so now I'm stood in the farq she said 4H hour delay I said why is that then she said well the pilot had a funny noise in the engine and it'll take us 4 hours to find a pilot that can't hear it I feel sorry for you ladies you know when you have to go and see a gynecologist cuz he always gets you up in the stups pulls your sheet back walks out leaves a door wide open and a fellow walks Pastor he used to go to school with stood in the doorway going I thought it was you how are [Music] you hate people that take drugs you know like Customs officers and policemen pH the drugs helpl line and you get this woman's voice and she went if you want information on cannabis press hash oh this getting old I ate it me I don't mind a good funeral you know you get something to eat something to drink you don't have to take a present I went to one know three weeks ago we went back to the house for the wake and I just happened to say to the widow have you got the Wi-Fi code she said don't you think that's a bit in appropriate at a time like this you horrible Bal bastard I said is that all in lower case my little boy coming this morning morning 6 a stupid name for a kid so what do you want six he said dad there's a man at the door with a BAL head I said well tell him I've got one you do you little little G I was in the I was in the bath the other day with my little six my lad he said hey Dad what's that between your legs I said oh that's me a jug he said it's got a big dick a't it [Applause] [Music] caught him playing with himself in the bath I said don't do that you go blind he said I'm I'm over that I I usually come down here to do these the Caravan Parks you know in the summer has anyone ever been in a caravan for a holiday One Night in a caravan I was converted I pierced my ears and started selling scrap and the showers are great in a caravan you just wet the wall and spin around then the curtain tries to give you one you you when you go to the toilet on a plane why is the window [Laughter] frosted who's going to look in a flock of geese got a major man in Liverpool he's been an in and out press all his life and I saw him a month ago IED a pint with him I said what are you doing nowadays he went hey Mick I robbed this place last night he said I robbed two pictures one picture is worth 1.7 million quid and the other one's worth 1.9 million quid he said come and have a look they're in me boot and he's owned his boot I said you robbed an estate agents I se these Chinese opening up all over the place now you know all you can eat for 12 quid I thought that's that's reasonable you only get one chopstick so they captured the Lone Ranger and they tied him to steak in the middle of the street and all of a sudden they said right lawn Ranger you're dead you can have one last request what do you want he said well I'll have I'll have a cigarette so they give him the cigar and they let it and they didn't know he was puffing and he was sending smoke signals to Tonto and he's just finishing the cigarette and Tonto come riding into town with this girl on the back of the horse with stockings with suspenders on and The Lone Ranger said you Pratt I said [Applause] posy there's a guy sat on the side of the road and you know old matted hair he had and um really Mankey and he had a cap and an old battered guitar and he started to sing he said when I was young life was so logical I said that was super [ __ ] he said thanks very much mate yeah but the Irish fell drowned in the bath trying to smell his fart I got I've got food poison last week haven't used it yet I'm saving it for the wife it's in the bottle they asking them stupid questions don't they has anyone you don't know put anything in your case so well I don't know anyone who don't know do anyone you don't know giving you anything I said I went to Amsterdam once now now they' only gone in my little washing bag and they've took me tweezers out which are 2 Ines long they said sorry you can't take tweezers on the plane that's a dangerous weapon 2 in long take him over to that gentleman over there and put him in that bucket with them machetes and scissors I'm trying to imagine now that damage I can do on a plane with these tweezers I mean obviously you could run the pilet couldn't you you know take me to [Applause] Cuba stay [Applause] back I started my career in chubz I was in a circus I didn't do an act but they kept me on for like nine years on the circus cuz I was the only one who could get the tent in the bag but surely I've got to a place called real and the fog come down but you know it's like driving in fog you just get behind someone don't you let them take the risks I have followed this fell for 17 miles at 12 M hour and he stopped dead and I hit him right up the ass I'm out the car I've G it by the throat this fell so what are you doing you Pratt he said I'm in my garage so I'm went in the library and I said to the library and I said have you got any books on self help she said well um I'd be defeating the object if I told you where they are have you noticed drunks always look at your shoes stand next to a drunk in a queue they always go like [Laughter] that then they step back and have another look and they say things like I'm bloody telling [Applause] you what does that mean I thought once in me life I'll do it so I went in that Gordon Ramsay I thought i' just go for lunch now the cheapest thing on the menu for lunch was 48 quid I thought well I'm going to go for that AR the cheapest thing and it was boneless chicken right so it arrived you fried egg that's embarrassing and it using a toilet on a plane so you usually wait until there's no queue there's no queue there you're diving quick but someone's been in there before you with a bit of a problem and you can't go and you rush out quick and there's a big long [Laughter] queue and you're apologizing for something you haven't done I never went I never I never I never I never went I never went but everyone on the plane thinks it was you they all walk past your seat Spanish food went in this Spanish restaurant I ordered octopus and the waiter said it takes 4 hours I said 4 hours for octopus he said well we cook them when they're alive and they keep turning the gas off no foreigners one Irishman have we all right what about that Potato Famine you just forgot where you planted them didn't you really you ever tried to eat a Welk I was chewing it for 4 and a half hours I took it out my mouth there wasn't a mark on it you ever tried them Winkles and they give you a stick to eat them with they're like Bogies with a crash Elmer I flew on the shuttle have you been on the shuttle from here to London stupid stward has to show me how to bought a life jacket on you fly over three canals in a lake went I went to a garden fight last Saturday and I had to judge an unusual pet competition and this Irish fell won it with a tin of salmon but he always feel safe on a plane don't you when the pilot speaks cuz he always sound educated don't they you always feel nice don't you hello L your captain want to go smile bton come your pilot down to Malaga today the flying time is about 2 hours 28 minutes WEA today is fine sit back relax and I'll speaked to you later thank you and you you feel safe can you imagine if it was a scous pilot you'd crap yourself would you all right there ladies gentlemen Captain Here Charlie Jones taking it down to my lager today just get up through these fluffy clouds and I'll get me boot down for [Applause] you the life jacket that's the classic one in it over your head twice around your waist had at the side in a double bow so now you're Hur to the Sea at 12,000 mph and the steward she's there straight away ain't she can you put your T put your table up cuz apparently if you hit the water at 12,000 mph the corner of the table could have your eye out life jacket you got a light which comes on in contact when you hit the water and you you can see these lights from inch and a half away can't you yeah and you've got a bit of backup a whistle 12T shark chewing on your leg you've got a whistle that's when you need your tweezers well this hotel they had everything there they had a Jacuzzi they had they had a spa so I was straight in the spa you know got a bottle of milk some OB knobs and they had a SAA well I've never been in a SAA in my life I thought I'll get me money's worth are you so now I'm sat in a SAA half naked with six strange blocks I bit me lips on this Ladle trying to get a drink last year in London there was 100,000 people went marching to legalize cannabis and they're all marching going what do we want when do we want it what next are on a plane if you want a bit of a laugh you know when the person next to year is fast asleep and they start leaning in your space put your life jacket on and get your oxygen mask and wake them up I did night it's off last night so phone this place up you know they deliver to your house Domino's Pizza have you heard of them Domino's Pizza you phone him up and well I've got this Pratt on the phone he said hello Domino's Pizza Carl speaking how can I help you I said we'll have a guess Carl I said you wouldn't have a radiator cap for 1979 qua would you [Applause] I went I went to dentist last week and my dentist he's gay we we call him the tooth fairy but have you have you noticed a dentist never speaks to you it's always as assistant in it she's the one she sticks you in the chair don't you then she gives you that pink stuff you know that Campari disinfectant and um I never drink it when she turns her back I spit it in the bowl then he injects you and when off your head doesn't work he wants a conversation how's the wife and family walking around talking like Peter Beardsley all morning and the dentist never never tells you not to have anything to eat or drink when you go home and you go home and you have a cup of coffee and it's all pouring out the side of your face is it and you have a sandwich and 3 hours later you at your tongue so I'll finish off my party evening can imagine a fellow on the radio doing the ndy program for kids and he hates kids he needs kids like a moose needs a hat rack and he's been doing this for 20 years every Monday morning on the radio naughty program for kids hate kids and he's an alcoholic don't forget it's on the radio and I think it sounds something like this morning kids nauy show are you all listening to radios oh what a little ndy do today he wakes up doesn't he goes in the bathroom for a wash can you hear little ndy filling the sink with water [Laughter] little nod's got a big sink hasn't he it's a sorry I'll have a bath then he goes downstairs for his breakfast here's a Milkman P himself a cup of tea B himself some [Laughter] toast and r the [Laughter] egg then go in car with his friend Gordon oh Gordon what he's going on in his holling days to scny botland any a Scottish red Indian Hwy than new Mr Scout with Indian hang on Mo went to the cake shop in Glasgow he said is that a custard or merang he said no you're not wrong it's a custard and he Sim got his car stopped and Nod he said oh me c won't won't go at all follow the a man he said what's wrong a hey found there was no water in r [Laughter] no no watering the wife she whoers no worse in the head lamps he said what's wrong with me car man he said [ __ ] in the carburetor he said how often do I have to do that have a super evening good night God bless thank [Applause] you [Applause] yeah

Channel: Stoopid Videoz

Views: 405,056

Keywords: mic, mike, millar, miler

Id: GEudTIg38CM

Length: 23min 3sec (1383 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 21 2023