The Cougar Trope - Female desire is not a joke

a cougar an older woman single and on the prowl for a younger man the cougar used to be a punchline but has the joke of an older woman preying on younger men stopped being funny and was it ever you should have played in your underwear i'll get you a drink from the late 90s to the early 2010s the cougar rose up in our pop culture to inspire a kind of media cheers to the cougar and at first she embodied some positive aspects we rarely see in depictions of older women for one thing she's empowered but i am 52 and i will rock this dress the cougar is a powerful character who men are often in awe of and she gets to be in control while still owning her femininity she's also sexy well past the age her society says she's supposed to be you look really really good i mean i've never seen a 40 year old woman who looks like you before the cougar it was rare for older female characters to be portrayed as desirable or given any kind of sexual agency but the cougar challenges that often to an extreme she goes for what she wants what are you so scared of i'm not scared mrs robinson and why do you keep running away we're used to seeing older men in positions of power and authority acting with confidence and entitlement and attracting younger partners so it can be refreshing to see women with those characteristics however often these positive traits are played for laughs the fact she's often a comedic character also undercuts her sexuality like we're being invited to chuckle at the fact that older women enjoy sex at all and we might never find out anything more about her the cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey if you're watching them bounce she's about to pounce if she's sexual she can be hypersexual bordering on predatory i'm not letting you out of this room until you feel there might be a power imbalance between the older woman and the younger man that's uncomfortable and the cougar is fetishized even the word itself implicitly reduces her to an animal even though she's a cougar she does have a kitten side about her who might hunt men or be hunted and caught by them this is one cougar hunter that these boys are not better than i came here to meet a cougar whine dine and pursue her more recently we're seeing more stories about what the reality of being a middle-aged or older woman is really like as characters navigate their jobs friendships and dating partners of a variety of ages here's our take on the cougar trope and how she kicked the door open for older women on screen but maybe it's time we left her behind [Music] if you're new here be sure to subscribe and click the bell to be notified about all of our new videos [Music] believe the term is cougar it's not my term i read about it in maxim magazine the older woman younger man relationship isn't new in 1967 the graduates mrs robinson gave us one of our most iconic examples of the sexy older woman mrs robinson you're trying to seduce me but the concept of the cougar feels like a distinctly 21st century invention in 2001 sex and relationships columnist valerie gibson published cougar a guide for older women dating younger men she argues the term cougar began as a canadian put down for older women who'd go home with anyone and some trace the earliest usage to a canadian website in 1999 called cougardate.com but in the 2000s the explicitly negative connotations gave way to a positive craze for the cougar as seen in shows like courtney cox vehicle cougar town [Music] [Applause] from the late 90s into the 2000s viewers celebrated characters who enjoyed affairs and relations with younger men like sex and the city samantha jones and desperate housewives gabrielle hi how was school got name honest in my biology exam well let's see what you've learned another early iconic example stiffler's mom in 1999's american pie is actually described in the film by a different term i took some milf what the hell is that m-i-l-f mom i'd like to [ __ ] and around the same time as the cougar craze american pie mainstream the idea of the milf which manifested in pop culture like the 2003 fountains of wayne song stacy's mom or the 2010 movie milf okay i'm just surprised she didn't try to slip you her number or something oh she did she put it in my phone under milf oh my god 2009 saw the reality show the cougar a bachelorette style dating game where young men competed to win the hand of a 40 year old mother and divorcee the cougars dilemma so many guys so little time much like 30 rock's milf island you've kept it tight heidi we no longer want to hit that in 2008 gossip girl featured a steamy affair between nate and a rich older duchess in some ways this cultural obsession with cougars and milfs represented a positive newfound recognition in the mainstream that women over a certain age and mothers could still be sexy and desirable as ever i realized that whole lady cougar hunting the mothers i'd like to you know whatever thing is big with you guys right with you high school boys but at the same time the cougar was often treated in a jokey light call me and the milf comments and cougar portrayals tended to feel a little condescending like you're not a cougar yet because you're not that old you're like a puma what's a puma it's like the step before a cougar wow that's really depressing it was also one-dimensionally fetishistic often all we know about the cougar or her defining characteristic is her sexual appetite stifler's mom's eventual encounter with finch is played in the context of a rivalry between finch and stifler himself so finch sleeping with her comes across as a kind of revenge tactic mom [ __ ] break oh hey stiffly still despite these limitations as the 2000s went on there was a steady normalization of the cougars behaviors and by the 2010s the mentions of cougars and milfs are increasingly casual or in an adjective form instead of describing a person's whole permanent identity try this on this is a total milf dress in older portrayals of relationships between older women and younger men like the graduate and the last picture show the relationship feels inevitably temporary and there's a tragic pitiable aspect to how the woman ends up being treated as disposable are you here for an affair sir now in part thanks to the rise of the cougar and her mainstream popularity older women's desirability is far more recognized and less stigmatized while the shock value of the initial joke has long faded as a result we're seeing more examples where relationships between an older woman and younger man do last and the age gap is less commented on this growing respect for the sexual older woman was already starting in some examples during the peak cougar 2000's era in 2007's i could never be your woman the age gap isn't a source of tension or something that either michelle pfeiffer's or paul rudd's characters are made to feel embarrassed about it's just gently played for laughs as their relationship progresses naturally i don't care how old you are you don't no i just care how much you weigh and in 2003's something's gotta give the relationship between diane keaton and keanu reeves characters may be temporary in the context of the film but it doesn't feel shocking or funny at all it's just a relationship that happens to have an older woman in it and so the older woman gets to be more than just a stereotype don't you like girls your own age i do but i've never met one i've reacted to quite likeliness [Music] one reason the cougar has long felt one-dimensional is that she's traditionally seen through a male's eyes and coded as a male fantasy [Music] but what exactly is this fantasy most obviously the cougar's appeal is that she has the looks and body of a younger woman plus the sexual experience confidence and knowledge that many younger women lack so presumably this will add up to an especially satisfying encounter look at her mom oh what a cougar some good jeans there in how i met your mother when barney tries to seduce marshall's law professor there's also a sense that she is a challenge for the younger man and throughout the episode she's fetishized by him as a kind of prize he needs to get go barney go mountain stuff that cougar an older woman might be more unattainable than an impressionable unattached young woman so if a young man can sleep with the cougar this can be a cultural way of proving his manliness and prowess and if he fails this is interpreted as weakness what a hot older woman made you feel her cans stop crying like a little girl on a deeper emotional level the fantasy of the cougar is centered on channeling her experience and assertiveness the cougar knows what she wants while the younger man in the story is still figuring all of that out this is the dynamic at play in the graduates mrs robinson arguably the origin point of this fantasy in our culture aimless ben braddock is at an existential crossroads in his life unsure of what to do now that he's graduated college and resistant to the path that's expected of him by contrast mrs robinson's assertiveness at first feels a little unsettling and even frightening to benjamin but it takes the pressure away from him making decisions i mean should i just stand here i mean i don't know what you want me to do why don't you watch oh sure thank you the fantasy of the cougar then is the comfort of almost cosplaying adulthood without any of the associated pressures or responsibilities there's a maternal almost edible aspect to this dynamic with the older woman taking charge of the younger man so rather than wanting to necessarily actually become more adult like her he's actually seeking a return to a childlike infantile state in succession roman gets off on jerry adopting the tone of an angry mother punishing him get in that bathroom now and you will stay in there until you have done something with yourself still the fantasy isn't just a male one for women too there's something liberating about the cougar that goes against the idea that women are only valuable while they're young in thelma and louise it's brad pitt's character who acts as the female fantasy for thelma helping to propel her out of a humdrum ordinary life that's him going i love to watch him go kind of took to him and as the cougar began to become more defined in culture at the turn of the millennium the cougars appeal became more oriented at women and increasingly empowering for them high-profile relationships between demi moore and ashton kutcher lisa bonet and jason momoa and madonna and guy richie all focused around the female sex symbols retaining their appeal and how adored they were by these younger men even in a show like cougar town which tried hard to play on all the typical cougar jokes you didn't injure those during the crash did you honk aruga they're good well that's a relief it's hard to find a replacement horn from the 1930s the focus is on jules's insecurity and mishaps as she starts dating again after her divorce so as time went on it felt like the focus was shifting away from just what young men thought about cougars and more toward allowing space for middle-aged and older women to enjoy their sexual instincts if they feel like it with whatever age partner they connected with gone are the days when we only see these older women through the lens of the young men who lust after them instead we're getting more of the older woman's perspective stories are increasingly interested in how it feels to be an aging single woman who still has a sexual appetite there are nuns out there with more sexual experience that means embarrassing these characters don't always have to be completely voracious either but they're in narratives that offer a nuanced look at the reality of what an older woman's sex life and love life might be in grace and frankie we get the extreme version of this because if it's rare to have nuanced depictions of middle-aged women sex lives then it's almost unheard of to get the same of two elderly women particularly when they're not the butt of the joke you have a waist and hips even breasts look at those girls welcome to the world oh my lord sexy and gorgeous having both been thrust unexpectedly into singledom at an unlikely point in both their lives grace and frankie navigate dating body image and even starting a sex toy business also the flings and relationships they have often tend to be with men closer to their own age so there's less opportunity for fetishization and instead we see them for who they are i gained another pound today but i think it's a pound of knowledge part of what's new and refreshing about this new era of culture depicting older women is the relationships between the older women like in julie delphi's on the verge girlfriend's guide to divorce or netflix series sweet magnolias watching these characters rely on their friendships allows for richer more nuanced conversation and a more honest exploration of what their experiences with dating and getting older in general are like sex with an ex can be fun they know how to work the machinery in firefly lane we meet kate and tully years into their friendship but they're rebuilding it within the different contexts of their adult lives tully as a famous journalist and kate a housewife in the middle of a divorce who's tentatively dipping her toes back into the world of dating can't you picture just getting ravished in this like out of one of your romance novels but at some point you will be ready and you deserve a little bodice and just like that returns years later to follow the sex and the city women in their 50s so there's an added layer of us already having known these characters in their 30s while sex in the city concluded with most of the ladies settling down and just like that finds carrie unexpectedly single again after she's widowed while miranda meets a new person who inspires her to rethink her sexuality and become vulnerable again as she pursues a new love ask for what you want that's a turn on i didn't know that part of what this new era for the sexual older woman reveals is that life isn't always simple or fixed the happy ever after storyline of getting married and having a family might not turn out to be permanent and if it isn't there are still plenty of new discoveries and fun to be had at any age the cougar has ironically aged kinda badly these always horny fetishized older female characters don't really get at the complexity of that experience and often just feel like another form of titillation for men hey you're not finished yet are you finchy no ma'am just getting started and it's interesting that older woman younger man relationships in real life aren't provoking the same reactions as maybe they would have at the cougars height kim kardashian has 13 years on pete davidson and while this has been talked about in the press its significance has been quickly dismissed by both parties the fact that he has had a string of high-profile relationships with beautiful women and she is still seen as one of the hottest celebrities on the planet in spite of her age means that the age difference between the two doesn't seem like as big a deal i wasn't even thinking like oh my god i'm gonna be in a relationship with him i was just thinking like heard about this bde need to get out there meanwhile a lot of the dismissal of older women's stories stems from an old-fashioned notion that once women become mothers or wives that's all they are and if they aren't either of those things something's gone wrong seeing a truer reflection of the older woman's experience reveals just how many stories there are left to tell so it's promising that we're moving beyond the cougar trope even if we can be grateful to her for getting us here i've been called a cougar a black panther a boom i had to smack this one kid [Music] thanks for watching the take make sure to subscribe and let us know what you want the take on next 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Channel: The Take

Views: 117,172

Keywords: Stiffler’s Mom, Stacey’s Mom, Samantha Jones, Gabi (Desperate Housewives), Cougar Town, Kathleen (Wedding Crashers), How I Met Your Mother S2E6, The Cougar (Reality Show), 30 Rock (MILF Island, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Something’s Gotta Give, I Could Never Be Your Woman, Friends (Chandler’s Mom, Mrs Robinson, The Last Picture Show, My Tutor, Thelma & Louise, White Palace, The Piano Teacher, Horrible Bosses

Id: QxZ4cipdApg

Length: 16min 27sec (987 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 21 2022