Romantic Love | Marianne Williamson

[Applause] thank you here in New York and it's great to see those of you who I cannot see but who I know are seeing us happy Tuesday to everybody did you have a good week since last I saw you anybody here tonight for the first time lovely to have you here as welcome as you probably know we talk here on Tuesday nights about principles of A Course in Miracles and other universal spiritual themes specifically how they apply to our modern everyday existence of course a miracle says that we think we have many different problems but we really only have one and that is our separation from God so we seek to apply that idea to rethink our lives by recognizing all the ways in which the way we think in the way we behave is at odds with the deepest truth of who we are and that deepest truth of who we are is God or love so we seek to convert spiritually it's not a religious conversion it's a spiritual conversion from one mindset that leads to one kind of experience in behavior to another mindset that leads to another kind of experience and behavior so that's why we're here tonight we're going to talk about romantic love which i think is a specific worldly situation that could use a little bit of spiritual insight so well we're going to go there tonight before we do anything else please introduce yourself to the people who are around you to your right and to your left and in front of you and behind you [Music] also before we begin this evening we want to take a moment to express our condolences to those of you who live in England we're all aware as people all over the world are of the terrible tragedy in Manchester and you are in our prayers and will remain so and we will include you in our prayers here tonight we all take a deep breath we see in the middle of our mind a little ball of golden light and we watch this light as it begins to grow larger and larger until now it covers the entire inner vision of our mind and we see for ourselves within this light a beautiful temple and we see a garden that surrounds the temple and the body of water that flows through the garden we see that the inside of the temple is lit as well by this same beautiful golden light and here we are for we have been drawn together by the power and in the presence of God we devote our time spent together all of our relationships and experiences with one another to him and we pray that his holiest spirit be upon us entering into the deepest regions of our thoughts and of our feelings that we might just be lifted above and beyond the shadows the limitations and the fears of this world to the endless love and peace that lay beyond on this night their God we pray for your comfort your healing for the people of Manchester England those who have lost their loved ones and for the people who themselves passed for those children our hearts break with me people of that community and we pray for their power to endure and to heal and so it is together we all say Amen I'd like to begin by reading from a study that came out from Harvard just this month and I had it open okay and this has to do with romantic relationships now this is speaking specifically a study regarding people 18 to 25 but you'll see how this applies to the larger culture including everyone says large numbers of teens and young adults are unprepared for caring lasting romantic relationships and are anxious about developing them yet it appears that parents educators and other adults often provide young people with little or no guidance in developing these relationships the good news is that a high percentage of young people want this guidance while parents wring their hands about whether to have the sex talk with their kids far fewer parents fret about how to talk to their kids about what mature love is or about what it actually takes to develop a healthy mature romantic relationship yet 70% of the 18 to 25 year olds who responded to the survey reported wishing they had received more information from their parents about some emotional aspect of a romantic relationship including how to have a more mature relationship that was 38% how to deal with breakups that's 36% how to avoid getting hurt in a relationship that's 34% and how to begin a relationship at 27% 65% of respondents to our survey of 18 to 25 year olds wished that they had received guidance on some emotional aspect of romantic relationships in a health or sex education class at school yet sex education also tends not to engage young people in any depth about what mature love is or how one develops a mature healthy relationship most sex education is either focused narrowly on abstinence or on disaster prevention how not to get pregnant or contract so sexually transmitted diseases I thought that was interesting I thought it was interesting particularly because even when we do talk about what to tell our kids about relations it has to do with the sexual aspect but not necessarily within the context of a larger sense of mature and healthy love between two people these days the conversation about way more than just two people is in vogue but we can get to that later do it we could even just start with two but that brings up some things but not so later so the Course in Miracles is very interesting when you look at it in terms of all of these conversations because even among people who are way older than 25 years old we all live in this large cultural milieu where most of our conversation regarding romance and regarding any kind of romantic or sexual love has to do with pathology we talk about love addiction we talk about love avoidance we love it we talk about loving a sociopath we talk about commitment phobes we talk about all the things that separate us from each other now this is not to say that some of that conversation isn't important it's not to say that sometimes it's not very insightful but we have actually settled into this place where we talked about the sickness but we don't even talk about the healing you know there's a yin and Yan year once the crucifixion one's the resurrection one's the sickness yes but the other is getting into the solution getting into the resurrection getting into that which is beyond the sickness if all you do is analyze a sickness that of itself does not get you to health and when it comes to spiritual insight regarding romance and sexuality and all of that kind of thing the issue is not that we just continue to have a conversation about what the ego does not that we just continue to have a conversation about where you got it mommy daddy all the stuff in your childhood we don't even necessarily buy into that with all due respect to Sigmund Freud he just get he just bought a bill of goods about how it all has to do with your childhood and now we're all at a point where we just are supposed to accept that this huge platitude that all of it has to do with mommy and all of it has to do with daddy which to some extent is true however taken by the ego that has landed us in a place where too many people are avoiding love in the name of needing to first heal their childhood first let me tell you most people don't need to heal their childhood they need heal their adulthood and one of the ways and one of the ways you heal your adulterer adulthood is not by dwelling in the past but by dwelling in the present and I know as many books as I've read as much as I've been through and as much as I've seen regarding the various dysfunctions and pathologies and neuroses in relationships as much as I've seen in myself and as much as I've seen in others even though much of that insight that's part of the popular current psychological jargon has its truth healing from it does not have to do with just analyzing it because you can't analyze the darkness to get to the light you dismantle the darkness by invoking the light and so in this subject as in every other the issue is for us to understand what is it that we're going for because if we knew what it was we were going for it that is light the Course in Miracles finds light as understanding so it is a it is a dearth of understanding it is an avoidance of the spiritual context which is the ultimate understanding of why we even should be in romantic relationships if we don't have a context for that which is light how can we then complain that darkness is is broad how can we complain about the darkness when we ourselves have no clue what the light is so of course it's simple for the ego to just blame mommy or daddy but the egos real task whether it's saying that the issue is coming from mommy or daddies and even it's irrelevant the ego always will make sure that it is somehow the other person's fault and if it wasn't you know if it just wasn't that the other person is has a problem with relationships or has a problem with commitment or has a problem whatever then you might be able to have a real relationship or sometimes the ego actually poses as taking responsibility for itself by saying I know I know the problem is that I even attract that kind of person but still you're not taking responsibility because you still you're judging and blaming someone else all of this from A Course in Miracles perspective totally fits into the egos plan because the egos planning in love the Course in Miracles says the dictates of the ego in love is seek but do not find and that's where we are we're always seeking but isn't it funny how much seeking and how little finding so I want to talk about the Course in Miracles and its issue regarding this topics because like everything else in this as in everything else the Course in Miracles says the thinking of God is 180 degrees away from the thinking of the world so let's talk about the larger metaphysical construct here the Course in Miracles says that God created all of us as one there is only one begotten son means we are all it and our oneness with the oneness is the only comfort that there is and the source of that oneness is God God meaning the great mind - the Course in Miracles says God is an idea we have a problem with that as because we haven't accepted that we are ideas and we are ideas in the mind of God now when we are aligned in our thinking with the truth of God that is the same thing as saying we are aligned in our thinking with the truth of who we are we're not talking about God outside us when we are aligned with the truth of who we are we are a lot we are we recognize that we are full and complete now we have been taught by the thinking of the world a paradigm a mindset a worldview that has dominated the consciousness of humanity for ages that we are separate the separation this is everything in the Course in Miracles there is the consciousness of unity and there is the consciousness of separation the physical senses reveal evidence that appears to support the idea of separation because my physical eyes say you're over there and I'm over here my physical senses tell me I am separate from you and my physical senses tell me that I am separate from God because my physical senses don't see God now this has induced within us all a Course in Miracles says on levels that we have no no concept the level that this has introduced a level of hysteria think of the worst heartbreak that you have ever experienced the worst sense of betrayal the worst sense of neglect the worst sense of abandonment the worst sense of oh my god where did it go or where did she go whether it was mommy or daddy or lover spouse that is a fraction of the hysteria that we're experiencing unknowingly based on the fact that we can't find that which we know our is our completion which is divine okay now the Course in Miracles says that the mind which is at one with God the Spirit is the true mind but then there is a separation that occurred millions of years as we know it ago but it actually never occurred at all because time itself is not real and that is a separation where there is an aspect of mind and in the course of miracles it is called the ego there are many you know whenever you hear these principles based on other religious or spiritual systems that you know you get oh I understand that principle we call it something else that's fine it doesn't matter what the words are there's one true spoken in many different ways but it's the idea of the belief that you are separate and the belief that you are separate reeks all manner of havoc because it is insane to think that I am separate because in fact I'm not so when I think I'm separate from you by definition I'm off my truth I'm unaligned with my higher truth if I'm unaligned with my higher truth I cannot be wise now the ego mind the way the mind operates is all mind is vigilant on behalf of itself so love is always seeking further expression of love that which is not love or ego mind is also always seeking further expression of itself but all of this is your mind so your mind that is working against love within you is smart because you are and its intention just as the intention of the Spirit is that you self actualize and know bliss the intention of the that which is not love ego mind is to destroy you the Course in Miracles says the ego is suspicious at best and vicious at worst if you use a take take as an example one form of ego is addiction so look at something like drug addiction or alcoholism they're not out to inconvenience you they're out if you allow them to to destroy you and take your family down as well obviously ok so this is very serious stuff this sick thinking that we have within us so the ego mind you being your own intelligence used against yourself it's not going to come up to you and say hi I'm your self-loathing if it said hi I'm that which is not love within you out to destroy everything you've ever worked for everything you've ever dreamed of and everything you've ever hoped for then obviously you wouldn't listen to it but we know how that works we know how it works in addiction we know how it works every place if you think of the stupidest things you've ever done you probably thought were a good idea at the time all the ways in which the mind can be very very insidious so the ego mind first tells you you are separate from God and you're like totally hysterical you're totally unhappy you're totally know that you are incomplete something's missing I'm not something's missing that something's missing I'm incomplete so the ego mind whose intention is that you remain in that hell of a sense of incompletion doesn't then say to you well if you just pray more and meditate more and forgive more and have more mercy and more compassion then you will experience once again your oneness with God which is your oneness with all beings and you'll be happy your ego once again its dictate and love is seek but do not find your ego is not going to tell you wise truth the ego responds this way oh I know it is so hard for you that you it you're so lonely and you're so bereft and you're so feeling cut off from the truth of who you are in the entire universe I have an idea and that idea is the following you know there's one person out there there is one person out there and they would complete you now the problem with this the Course in Miracles says is that then you are seeking salvation in separation because if I am separating out one part of the sonship and thinking my completion lies with you in you then I am cutting my I'm actually cutting myself off further from that which is my ultimate completion not even to mention the pressure I'm putting on you which is how this all worked out right so I am seeking my salvation in separation and that is what the modern egoic concept of romantic love is the point here is not that romantic love is bad at all it's obviously one of the most beautiful human experiences the issue here is that the dictates of the ego and the way the ego thinks about it is actually the ultimate sabotage of romantic love rather than proponent of it I remember many years ago when Helen Reddy singer named Helen Reddy saying that song you and me against the world and I remember thinking and this I think this was before I did the Course in Miracles but this was supposed to be a very romantic song you and me against the world and I'm going to thinking I don't care who you are darling that is so bad odds I mean that's just like you I'm a against the world and that was presented like it was something really romantic you and me over here against the world right yeah we you don't even stop to think like well that's sick that would be kind of unfortunate and yet the ego has this idea that there is this one person now we've already talked about the fact that the very concept is Inigo lie because it is the idea of separation of salvation through separation but now let's take a little deeper you have come to believe that you are incomplete and you believe that you are incomplete because when we are cut off from our oneness with God we are cut off from our oneness with all the universe we feel there is something damaged about us we feel that there is something lacking in us now the ego mind when it tells us there is one person out there who will complete you is actually look at the core belief here the core belief is that I'm not enough as I am now the core belief is that I am not enough the core belief is that something is lacking so I'm looking for someone who will provide what I feel unlocking the Course in Miracles point out what should be obvious this is not love this is theft that you want this person to give you and by the way the course actually says if you get enough of that you probably be done with them okay so it's like when Jerry Maguire in that movie when Tom Cruise says to Renee Zellweger right you complete me and for about 15 seconds it sounds so romantic and they do but it seems so good it seems so good but actually once again look at the way the deeper mind is operating here because the core belief is that without you I am nothing go back to what I said a few minutes ago about the pressure this puts on you and it makes my energy towards you more by definition about what I think I need from you and what you can give to me rather than a contact which actually promotes love by making you feel how fun it is to be around me because I'm not trying to get this all the time I'm actually standing in a place of what I can give rather than what I can get but as long as I have that core belief of my own in completion without you then even if I'm standing in a place of giving it is usually a giving to gap which makes you feel more controlled and taken from ultimately than actually served does that make sense now the weight of course in miracles' talks about this it has two expressions the special relationship and the holy relationship relationships according to the Course in Miracles are assignments made by the Holy Spirit the universe is intentional just as the embryo is programmed to become the baby the Acorn is programmed to become the oak tree the bud is programmed to become the blossom we are all similarly programmed to become the highest expression of ourselves living on this earth the difference between you and the Acorn is that you in any given moment can decide to say no the Acorn doesn't have freewill and you do so spiritual seeking is about training our minds into a yes position a yes position meaning may God's will be done knowing that God is love and will is thought so in any situation where we enter in knowing who we are in the mind of God which then and then aligns us with the recognition of who we are in relation to each other which then aligns us to our purpose on this earth which is to be vessels of God's love for all human beings that actually is the best placement for romance but if we follow the dictates of the ego it is the idea that this is not about an inclusive love with universe it's about an exclusive love just you and me and you are the source of my happiness and you complete me and so in all of that romantic image in imagery has within it the seeds of deep pathology now the Course in Miracles talks about how the well it does not use these words the philosophy however is that the universe is intentional as I was saying before the embryo turns into the baby the Acorn into oak tree you into your enlightened self your enlightened self means the full actualization of your divine potential that's what Buddha represents that's what Moses represents what Jesus represents that's what all the great avatars represent they are people who have actualized the divine potential that lies within us all and that is the not only the intention of the universe that you act self actualize but relationships everything the Holy Spirit does is provided is given to us for God's purpose which is to help you self actualize ok got that but anything that happens not only does the spirit within you seek to use it for its purposes the ego seeks to use it for its purposes that's how powerful the mind is so when we meet people why they are brought into our lives they are brought into our lives in order to exponentially increase the maximal soul growth opportunity for both people involved are you with me that's why we meet people some sometimes it's that they're your child sometimes it's their your your your friend sometimes your employer-employee parent president whatever it is and romantic romantic love is one form of assignment ok it is one form of assignment now these assignments we do not notice that you do not always grow from meeting people that you totally dig and do everything you want them to do all the time it is easy to be enlightened around people who do exactly what we want them to do all of the time that's pretty easy and then we'd all be enlightened masters so the universe because its goal is our self-actualization doesn't just send us people who behave the way we want them to all the time okay it sends us to say that we have maximal growth opportunity with another person means the following everywhere that they have limits and blocks to love those places deep within them will be triggered by contact with me all the places where I have blocks and shadows and resistance to love I will be triggered in relationship with them now how does this work if I meet you and it is obvious that you are going to trigger the hell out of me and the first day or night that we meet then I would not remain there to learn these lessons so you know it's like the Greek mythology of Cupid's arrows what happens is that when there is someone with whom we can have that maximal soul growth opportunity within a romantic context we are actually given a spontaneous enlightenment experience right across a crowded room your eyes lock across a crowded room now it's interesting because a lot of modern psychotherapeutic theorizing today says that when you meet somebody and there's an immediate hit that immediate click that immediate oh my god this is that whatever a lot of modern see arising says that's just projection and it says later reality will sit in Course in Miracles says the opposite the Course in Miracles says that actually you are given the gift of absolute truth you were actually lifted to the mountaintop where you saw how gorgeous that person was you know what you weren't wrong and they saw how gorgeous you are the issue is not that that was projection that was clear heavenly vision it's not that that's projection and then later reality will set in it's that that is truth and later illusions will set in because the illusion is that you are whether or not you take yourself up off the floor that's the illusion the illusion is you are less cool because you didn't put the cap on the toothpaste or whatever so when we have those Enlightenment experiences the issue is not that that is not real the issue is the following if we do not have the personality structure to be able to hold that much enlightenment to be able to hold that much light and if a sacred container is not created then what happens is that all that light comes up but everything that is light brings up love brings up everything unlike itself now the special relationship then when we first meet those people it's all fantastic and we have that experience and it's wonderful and this is not to poopoo that but it is to say that once the Holy Spirit has brought you together it's not going to just let you stay within what is an artificially constructed enlightenment domain when you yourself and the other person have not actually achieved that on a consistent level of personality yet so what happens is that if we do not have a container if we do not have a spiritual container then what happens is that fairly shortly all that which is the resistance to love which is triggered in the space of that person will be brought up because we heal through a kind of detox process stuff has to come up in order to be released now that is the point where the ego says this is terrible this is a horrible relationship and one or both people will see this as obvious evidence that we not be doing this because we're not right for each other from A Course in Miracles perspective that's not necessarily evidence of that at all you might be saying oh this is terrible if I got up there going oh this is good because this person the fact that that person cannot behave that way without you losing your cool that that person cannot behave that way without you without you losing your serenity with that that person cannot act that way without you going into some denial of love that's the lesson to be learned and the ego-mind of course which has as its goal that we do not find love does what it always does it points to the other person if only she weren't so needy if only he weren't so so avoidant if only she weren't so controlling if only he weren't so judgmental and all of that so I want to read to you from the Course in Miracles one of I think one of the most powerful sections in the course it's called the healed relationship now the whole point in relationship but particularly you see the so dramatically in romantic love is the issue of the transformation of the special relationship to the holy relationship the ego specializes in the special relationship the ego says I am looking for someone who will basically do what I want you to do you know when I want you to do it and we're going to have a great time right but the truth of the matter is that's not the purpose of the other person and to the extent to which you are carrying the energy to make them feel like that is their purpose they will feel repelled rather than attracted and that will make it less likely rather than more likely that that's exactly what will occur the holy relationship is one in which two people are not looking for the other person to complete them but rather understands that that's the game going on here the holy relationship is one in which we recognize that the relationship is like a hospital of the soul now these issues apply to not just romantic love every relationship we have the issue is from the special to the holy so in the holy relationship you understand that stuff's going to come up your worst aspects are going to come up and my worst aspects are going to come up but in the presence of atonement for our own mistakes which mean and we're not going to get to that place unless we're able to develop the skill of nonreactive ly listening when the other person pointed out atonement for our own mistakes nonviolent communication so that all these really gnarly things can be said without attack or judgment or blame an ability and willingness who forgive the other person and non judgment and compassion these spiritual tools and spiritual techniques are as applicable if not even more significant within a romantic context as within every other and that is why ultimately the issues in relationship with the same whether you're talking about romance or anything else when I think of my own life my own experiences I think of where I got a ride where I got it wrong where things went well where things didn't go well and in the places where I can look and see that I got it wrong it wasn't that I didn't have enough of the information about the current psychological jargon and analysis even as important as those things often are it was that I didn't practice what I preached about a Course in Miracles about not judging about not blaming about not attacking and so forth so the Course in Miracles says that when there is deep love this stuff's going to come up so part of you know I'm very much from the generation and you know we started the whole trend of the over casual izing of sex and I understand that that was you know at the time it had its had its value you know because some old sort of thought patterns did need to be smashed but without a sacred container and especially where sex is involved this is such profound energies you know women have been honed and have been over millions of years of evolution instinctively and hormonal II trained you know we we make fun oh I'm buying the dishes already I just had a good day at am already you know registering my bridal registry we make fun of that but there's a hormonal reason for this that has to do with the propagation of the species that once certain certain chemicals are released from the brain and so forth the woman over millions of years of evolution making sure that the species will continue starts to want to nest and then because of millions of years of evolution start to want to move on to the next one to spread their seed and we in the modern world have become very arrogant about nature we become very arrogant about thinking that so many of the things that we can know just kind of overrides some of these hormonal forces and then we make the other wrong for having these impulses that come from millions of years of evolutionary training within the very cells of our body so when we have these profound enlightenment experiences it seems like we can just casually move into it and we start all of us start making assumptions and you know these same principles apply gay relationships as well as in straight relationships some of these masculine feminine aspects don't have to do with whether it's gay straight transgender it's it's deeper psychic forces that are at work here and everybody needs to apply it in their own particular way when you go into this profound holy experiment this profound opportunity the problem what the ego will do is have us undervalue and underestimate how significant this is and how harmful even though you might have been hurt so much in your past and even though you might have hurt other people a lot in your past next time you're out you will be tempted to underestimate how harmful this can be when we let all these energies just erupt and there is no sacred container sacred container is prayer meditation and commitment what is the commitment that two people understand it feels good now but the rock and roll is going to start your craziness is going to come up here and my craziness is going to come up here so do you even get that as a concept right because if somebody doesn't get that as a concept it is self endangerment to move forward there it is is sabotage of self it is a great undervaluing of self to move forward into that space with someone who doesn't even get that that's a concept and then of course it that will occur and who you would reasonably expect might think it's that craziness start will actually just include that therefore this isn't a good relationship and move away which will hurt you right I mean today you hear way too much of people who say you know somebody came in for a short period of time and then the woman was upset because she had gone to all these deep deep places and then you hear projected into the world a lot the culture today oh the problem is she got too attached no the problem is not that she got too attached the problem might be that she was not taken great that's where self-care comes in what were you doing allowing yourself to get attached in a context where there had actually been no agreement from the other person where he even wanted you to get attached does that make sense okay so the Course in Miracles talks about this transition from the special relationship to the holy relationship that the Holy Spirit brought you together and then takes the relationship under his care and guidance for holy ization purposes and a lot of what feels to us like pain and suffering is actually if we allow it to be the whole ization process this is what the Course in Miracles says it's a section called the healed relationship it's very powerful it's in pay on page 362 of the text the holy relationship is the expression of the holy instant in living in this world like everything about salvation the holy instant is a practical device witness to by its results the holy instant never fails the experience of it is always felt yet without expression it is not remembered the holy relationship is a constant reminder of the experience in which the relationship became what it is and as the unholy relationship is a continuing hymn of hate in praise to its maker so is the holy relationship a happy song of praise to the Redeemer of relationships okay now what this means is the holy instant is an instant where I see you only as you are I I I don't see your past I'm not bringing your past into this moment all I wish to do is to bless you and be blessed by you which is pretty easy if I just met you however that will not last long so what starts to happen is that the hymn the hatred the ego-mind comes in and it has to do with expectations and how you behave and all that kind of stuff so practicing the holy instant inside inside romantic love or any relationship you know this really is very very difficult it's am I willing to see you as you are now am I willing to enter this meeting knowing that the only reason we are together is to be a blessing on each other now look there aren't that many people that are really going to understand the language if you say I only want to have this love affair if you and I both understand that we're doing this in order to walk to God together you know and I don't and not only other people about whom you probably would best not use our language but also don't kid yourself because many people who would use that language or at least would use it if it would get you at night don't have a clue what it really means because to walk to God together means your stuff your reasons for me to judge you and blame you will occur and reasons for you to judge and blame me will occur and reasons for me to find you not good enough will occur and reason for you to find me not good enough will occur it will happen it has to happen it has to that's the only way the relationship can grow and evolve but are we committed that to the best of our ability we will remain firm in knowing that the only reason that we are here is to own that in this moment if I am having a judgmental thought about you it is not about your behavior it is about Meek's being unwilling to accept your behavior now that doesn't mean if you get to that place that you will necessarily be led to stay there so you don't have to worry that the way of the Spirit will keep you or draw you into dysfunctional relationships you don't have to worry about that you don't have to worry that the Spirit of God is somehow less psychologically astute than you are does that make sense so the key to relationship is that you see it as a practice of the holy incense so right there look at this container so your romantic love whether the other person sees it that way or not whether and you know they might not have the same language for this but once again the commitment has got to be there for it to be safe commitment to it being a spiritual process so you start with that that I understand that things will happen in this relation you know part of the training of the Course in Miracles and this is once again it's attitudinal training it's training those attitudinal muscles because the cornerstone belief of the ego is that no matter what it's happening it's about her it's about him and the cornerstone of the Holy Spirit's training is no it's about me and the temptation of the ego is always that somehow you're guilty and the training of the Holy Spirit is know you are innocent now this sounds like lovely theory but it is not always easy to apply in relationships and it is particularly difficult at times to apply in romantic relationships you with me so far the course says the Holy relationship is a major step toward the perception of the real world remember the real world is heaven it's not this craziness of dysfunction and pathology and anxiety and depression there is like this veil of ego soup we want to get beyond this to peace of mind and happiness and where humanity should be well the holy relationship is a major step towards that so that right there that right there so the ego says you want a relationship for your own purposes and that's a big principle in the Course in Miracles you think everything is about you and that is that's the malignant thought the malignant cell in the body is one that says I'm not here to collaborate with other cells to serve the healthy function of the whole I'm off to do my own thing and that's that's a malignancy and it's a malignancy in the body and it's also a malignancy in consciousness the problem with the universe is that with the human race is that we have been infected by malignant consciousness consciousness said it's all about me if I think it's all about me I'm just looking for a relationship that completes me as I understand it the container is no is that because we are together there will be a greater opportunity for you to more quickly become the person that you're capable of being and I will have a greater possibility an opportunity to more quickly become the person I am capable of being you will because you are in relationship with me every morning be blessed by me every morning my training will be to remind you how wonderful you are my training will be that every day to the best of my ability I will be a space in which you can more easily recognize your own glory that you might become the man or the woman that you're capable of being now just that kind of thinking think how very different that is than the ego thinking that dominates this culture the ego thinking that dominates this culture has people going into their therapists and the therapist asked me if this relation is visually fulfilling all your needs as opposed to in this relationship are you really giving all you have are you generous in this relationship are you compassion in this relationship or are you judgmental in this relationship are you I always finding fault now none of this is easy by the way the Course in Miracles says each of us has a highly individualized curriculum now there's no time in this section tonight we do a whole seminar on this we don't we don't have time to read all of this but let me just go through some of these principles the Course in Miracles says once you the old unholy relationship becomes trans trans formed and seen anew so you go from the ego relationship to the holy relationship from the special relationship to the holy relationship the holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment in all its aspects as it begins develops and becomes accomplishment accomplished it represents the reversal of the unholy relationship and then it says be comforted in this the only difficult phase is the beginning for here the goal of the relationship is abruptly shifted to the exact opposite of what it was in other words before the goal of the relationship was to get you to do what I want and all of a sudden the goal is for us to serve God together which means by definition you you are actually subconsciously program to do everything that will show me my blocks to love so that I might become a more loving person but I will become more a more loving person when I realize how unloving I am in the presence of someone who acts like you right be comforted only and this the only difficult phase is is the beginning for here the goal of the relationship is abruptly shifted this invitation is accepted immediately the Holy Spirit wastes no time now I'm not going to I can't there's no time here to read the entire two pages of the rest of that although we can after the break if you like but one of the things that talks about is how your ego will become very intense at this time and finding all kinds of fault with your brother now this is the issue in today's world where there is so much sickness in this area and there is so much dysfunction in this area and there is so much commitment phobia and there is so much avoidance and there is so much addiction it's so easy to find false because we have all become so smart and so intelligent about what the sickness looks like but the fact that you can point to this particular sickness cycle in the psychological dynamic with another person still means that the issue is for you to be able to practice love in a particular moment and forgive now once again that doesn't mean you would necessarily stay there but the course Amir says in this section that the ego will begin to screech the ego will begin to shriek the ego will begin to talk about how obviously this is not the relationship for you this is not the relationship for you and the Course in Miracles says I think that this is the only place in the Course in Miracles where it's italicized here not this now it says this is not the time to reject your brother and so this is what happens in the world today we go only so far and then everything breaks apart because once the really important stuff begins the ego says oh this is awful now sometimes as the Course in Miracles says it doesn't actually leave the other person physically it just shuts down and so what you see is relationships where people they stay together but what they do is just accommodate and basically go into numbness and so the vital life force is cut off so the Course in Miracles talks about how bad in that section it says the ego says you don't necessarily have to leave each other but you cut off the vital juices and then you actually have an excuse to stay together and not face those things because you're not going to be intimate enough anymore that those things would even really be coming up you figured a place you have subconsciously come to a place where you can accommodate each other stuff so there's not serious growth going on so there's not death and rejection but neither is there the fostering of new life does that make sense and the Course in Miracles says that is where we must have faith now I understand why the Harvard study shows that even when people talk about telling young people about sex they're still not talking about what a mature healthy relationship is I have a friend who was talking about I think I mentioned this one before a friend who was talking about her her son in junior high school who was talking about oral sex that the other kids were having at school and she was kind of freaked out and didn't and was talking about the girls and giving the guys and oral sex and all that and she said I just didn't even know what to say to him and I and I said to him what you should say to him is does he love her that's what you should say you don't avoid the topic the kids are doing it but also it's not a sexual conversation the worst part of that the worst part of it it's not that he's only in the eighth grade and and and they're going to you know oral sex in school that that's not of itself the worst we could all have conversations about what age things should start the worst part of it is the objectification weather no matter how old he is that's the worst part of it and that's a conversation we're not having it's not just a conversation about sex the sex people kind of figure out but what we're not having a conversation about is love what we're not having a conversation about is commitment the issue is not to make the kids hill road the kids are going to do what the kids are going to do but that so much is done at such an early age and no one is even talking about why that people come together for a very holy purpose and that in in when it comes to love and sex and mature relationship when we do not see this as a container for holy energies that energy any time there's powerful energy it will either be used for you or against you and when we're talking about nakedness you know physical nakedness is the least of it in intimate love we it's not just that we get physically naked that's relatively easy but when we've gotten emotionally naked in front of another person psychologically naked in front of another person and that is treated casually this hurts people it hurts people it hurts people on the level of the soul and when the level of the spirit every bit as much as it hurts people physically if you're just kind of knocking around physically and we the theme for this period of time on the planet is that we must rise we must rise to become men and women that many of us perhaps not even thought we needed to be in this lifetime we have we've talked about this before we have a crisis of adulthood in this in this society we have too many men who are still stuck in the the mental template of a boy and we have too many women who still stuck in the mental template of a girl and all this victimization talk and just talking about what other people do wrong all this trying to get what I want can I get what I want in a relationship this is so and it poses as something spiritual but it's not so spiritual the highest spiritual mountaintop is not just getting what you want and even this polyamory craze is interesting I'm not being a judgment when I am saying this because anything can be used by the holy spirit or by the ego but even if polyamory Krays well that's a perfect excuse to just move on when it got tough because nobody ever has to go deep if you just keep getting to have to go wide we we must grow now in ways that we had not expected in this lifetime to have to grow we cannot have work continue to avoid politics if anything is obvious it's where that takes us we cannot avoid society we cannot avoid economic look what just happened in Manchester these are very very serious times and we want to be available to God to be the men and women that we are capable of being love relationships romantic relationships when they go wrong or debilitating romantic relationships when they go right our platforms for our highest becoming but this is just one area where we have been arrogant where we have thought that it was all about our own thinking rather than God's thinking and when the from A Course in Miracles perspective whether you are not in a relationship whether you would like to be in a relationship whether you are in a relationship whether you are thinking about a relationship that happened long ago and are seeking to reconcile it or envisioning the relationship that you would like from A Course in Miracles perspective there's only one issue and that is that this experience be something that enables you and someone else to be a greater blessing on the planet that your desire is to be the blessing in the life of someone if I hear one more person I'm writing down what is I want what is I want what is I want I'm manifesting after time if I know there have been times in my life if I got that guy what I said I wanted he'd be gone so quickly so what was why was our point in me meeting him rather than saying what I would have wanted is to be the woman that would be a blessing on someone's life now you might look at something like spiritual laws and say well what does that have to do with romantic love it has to do with everything you tell me in the midst of the kind of craziness that inevitably comes up that I mentioned here tonight nonreactive 'ti doesn't matter what could be a greater tool in romantic love then that you can hear what that other person is saying without freaking out especially men and women you know men are you know I'm a big proponent of the philosophy of Pat Allen she says Pat Allen says first of all she said the man's greatest psychic craving is that his thoughts be respected and the greatest a woman's greatest psychic craving is that her feelings be cherished you know sometimes with love it's not just about learning how to love but learning what love feels like to the other person but another thing that Pat Allen says it always fascinated me she said men don't like want to lie they end up lying when the woman makes it so obvious that they will freak out if he tells her the truth and if you're really honest with yourself how many times at the beginning of relationships who didn't ask the truth because you might not have really wanted to hear it and how many other times when the man tried to tell you the truth you were you didn't have the capacity for non reactivity so a real real a real conversation couldn't begin without you're freaking out and judging him how many times have we shown men a kind of disrespect for their thoughts and then not known why he wasn't attracted how many times had men simply not known that cherishing the feelings of the woman and once again these issues are the same in gay relationships are straight we live in a society today though that we're not even giving the time to building that container or that sacred space we don't wake up in the morning and pray together when the Catholics say the family that stays to get pray together stays together that's not just because there was an injunction against divorce for you to wake up in the morning with the person that you that you love and pray together and ask that the Holy Spirit take this relationship under his guidance and that he sit at your table and sleep in your bed and may you only see the innocence and the truth and love in each other today and may you not be tempted to the thoughts that would lead you away from a deeper realization of the beauty and the other person because those thoughts will be there so in romantic love as within everything else if we don't start taking time for God if we don't start taking time for actually the lifestyle changes that are involved in getting us right then at a time when we most need to be boosted when we most need to be lifted up we will continue to either have relationships that tear us down or relationships where we're together with someone it doesn't exactly tear us down but we can't honestly say it lifts us up either and all of that can change it changes as a Bible says in the twinkling of an eye but the Course in Miracles says whether or something is holy or unholy is determined by our sense of its purpose so that's the basic bottom line here what is the purpose of your relationship and if the purpose of your relationship is just all the hot and superficial stuff and everything we can have that sometimes and it works and it's fun for a while and then either the pain or the numbness begins to set in and it cannot be otherwise so as we take the idea of the cultivation of a holy relationship into our hearts then we completely change the paradigm we are not looking just for fun not at a time like this we are looking for situations that allow us to become the men and women that we are capable of being knowing that when we are deeply loved and we are deeply accepted and we are deeply affirmed you know I'm so tired of hearing our kids need their self-esteem to be propped up what adult doesn't at what age do we stop needing that and what I do you stay you know we talked about when the kid leaves a house sale brilliant you are how good you are and what age do we stop needing that that kids not going to the workplace that kids having to worry about the bills today it's men and women real men and women who need somebody who who's going to be there to tell you how beautiful you are how good you are I remember going to a Harville Hendrix workshop many years ago with someone and he had a very powerful thing where one partner you sit and then I know he had to like circle me and just say all the wonderful things about me and then he had to sit there and I had to circle and say wonderful things about him it was hard Harville Hendrix is good the Omega Therapy and Martin horrible Hendrix is very much the secular enunciation of the spiritual principles in the Course in Miracles where you are triggered by the childhood wound and what he calls the old brain and the new brain or what the Course in Miracles would call the the ego or the Holy Spirit so what I invite you to do tonight is to take all of your thoughts you know the Course in Miracles says anything that has not worked in your life or is not working in your life is not just about what you did or did not do and it's not just about what someone else did or did not do it's about way the way we think about it that is what gives birth to all the dysfunction it was a thought that gave birth to the craziness in Manchester it is a thought that gives birth to all behavior and all manifestation and the Course in Miracles says that the that the greatest power you have to change a world is to resync it to change your mind about it and before we go into the meditation I just want to emphasize again what we are talking about here which you may or may not say out loud because in some situations it would sound ridiculous I'm not asking to say anything we're talking about what you think this does not make your love life less sexy it makes your love life far more sexy because you feel safe what's sexier than a person who feel safe what sexy the person feels comfortable in their skin so they're not grasping to control the other person they're not grasping and trying to make something happen or they're not putting out their hands all the time trying to get you to go away so when you say may God's will be done that just means made God's love be done may I see the innocence in this person namaste is is is simply made of love and me salute the love in you may not see to the egos eyes merci hoo how beautiful you are and everybody subconsciously knows everything nothing is more attractive nothing you can do can make you more attractive then for the person you are with to feel subconsciously they won't even necessarily register it on a conscious level but they will know if you are looking at them and thinking that they are beautiful and thinking that they are wonderful and blessing them throughout the day and if it's even if you can't go any further than that you might be in a relationship you might have been married to somebody for a long time and it's just somethings dried up it might be something as simple as of this night when you wake up in the morning might be something you say to them when they leave the door and leave in the morning but it might be just something you think as you just blast them with love all day blast them with blessing all day blossom with forgiveness all day it's a power lies inside us and as much as our culture is so ego oriented that it's all about what happens on the outside both what I've seen in other people's experiences and what I've experienced in my own the outside stuff goes only so far maybe 10 percent really and that 90 percent which is the inside stuff makes it a breaks it in the most real sense does that make sense ok so let's close our eyes and the relationship that is called to mind has already appeared to us it might be a relationship that you are already in it might be a relationship from your past it might be a relationship you long for or it might even be that you don't even go there any longer and in this sacred space you recognize why we now ask the Holy Spirit of God to show us the sacred temple of romantic love within us [Music] what does it look like is it made of crystal as it made of light is it made of wood what is this beautiful temple space within your consciousness it is the place where God brought you together I now see yourself joined by that person within that temple in that moment where you recognize each other in that place where your soul quickened and so did theirs at the recognition of a divine partner someone with whom for however period of time physical proximity would serve our soul growth we stood together [Music] revisit this place the vision of which has been so eroded by pain and conflict by boredom by numbness and remember that the light of that sacred joining the truth you once knew if only for a moment is the only truth there is [Music] and now as you stand with this person allow the voice for God to speak to you directly where have you deviated where did you abandon where did you looked where did you fall short where did you attack where did you disrespect where did you withhold attention where did you run away where did you have no mercy [Music] allow yourself to go there to allow these thoughts that live within you the guidance and the illumination of the Holy Spirit to fill your mind that you might see and now turn to the spirit of this divine romantic partner or any partner and tell them in the silence of your heart that you are sorry [Music] I'm sorry that I attacked and I'm sorry that I blamed I'm sorry that I neglected I'm sorry that I didn't listen I'm sorry that I held on to the past I'm sorry that I behaved like a child I'm sorry that I lacked courage I'm sorry that I lacked patience I'm sorry that I have not risen to the occasion of loving such a one as you [Music] allow these thoughts and realizations to come to us and begin the process here in the sacred space of making amends to the one you love you and now Inspira take the hand of this person and dedicate the relationship to God whether it is past or present or someone you haven't even met yet is irrelevant give the relationship to God devote it to God to use for God's purposes we pray for forgiveness for all of the places where we have allowed fear to block our love and pray now for the opportunity to love more deeply to approve to affirm with generosity and care and blessing on another human being the way God cares for us we release that person from our condemnation and judgment and blame we take our hooks out of them are how they should be or how they should have behaved that the hook of that unforgiveness shall now be removed from us we free them from the past that we ourselves might now be freed praying only that they be loved that they be blessed and that they be happy teach us dear God how to love one another remove the blocks to the awareness of your presence that we might see the infinite beauty and light of those you have sent us to love let us lovingly release those who wish no longer to be here and lovingly release those who we ourselves know we belong with no longer but in this moment we open to the miracle of divine and radical alchemical transformation as we ourselves are rebuilt from deep within as men and women capable and practiced and expert and masters at the highest love that we ourselves might be a space for radical transformation in those around us who find in our presence joyful capacity to be the person we know they are dear God may we begin again our history our love affairs and our marriages may they all be reborn our thoughts about love radically transformed no longer the casual small-minded little issues of yo ego preoccupation but lifted now to the grandeur and magnitude of divine purpose may this temple of love we have visited tonight remain firmly imprinted upon our consciousness let us visit here daily [Music] that our hearts and our lives shall be made new [Music] and so it is together we all say Amen and thank you to Adam is adore now before I make announcements because we are in this conversation about relationships I thought this would be a good one before we break into that is there anybody who has any questions based specifically on the conversation that we've had so far tonight anybody have anything questions or anything like that okay good all right we're complete on that and I will go to our announcements as many of you know to many of you it's irrelevant to many of you it's not I've created a new online class that's beginning June 5th called aging miraculously so just as the Course in Miracles we take the principles of the course and apply them to everything that's in that course we apply it to that the it begins on June 5th you can go to Maryanne calm to get the information details at aging miraculously calm obviously the the basic tenets and principle that we are dealing with here is that while the body ages the spirit does not and in this situation as in everything the Course in Miracles says enlightenment is a shift in self perception from body identification to spirit identification the more we identify with the soul our experience of the body changes the more we identify with the experience of the body the more detrimental that is including through the body the online course includes instructional videos delivered over four week period to live calls that include QA coaching private online community and material that I am writing and will be delivered to as part of the course again you can go to aging miraculously calm or Temari on calm to find out more for those of you here in New York particularly I well actually not I will be with Deepak Chopra tomorrow night at ABC home base carpet and home but I think it's sold out we're talking about integrative politics I think the event is sold out that's tomorrow at 7 p.m. but it's available on Facebook live but these Facebook lies I've had quite a few experiences where the sound isn't good enough so I don't know but it will be on Facebook live and I hear the event is sold out ok I will be doing a weekend event called miraculous my miraculous life at Omega Institute June 30th through July 2nd if you want to know more about that a weekend experience that will be also on Mary Ann calm a couple of things here in New York I'll be speaking briefly at the educational alliance first annual event and Expo 6 to 8 p.m. on Wednesday May 31st that free event takes place at the penthouse at the mana Cantor Center at 197 East Broadway and I'm happy to support that event because it is all about education of people 50 years and older I will you can find out about that at Marion calm I'll also be doing a benefit talk for another great organization the Inner City foundation for charity and education their annual ladies luncheon that is June 3rd June 1st Thursday June 1st in Greenwich Connecticut so if you're interested in any of that in Greenwich were here or anything please contact please look at Marianne comm all details all that Marianne calm if you're not on my email list and you'd like to be I would appreciate that my books and CDs and all that back there and I think some out there also want to take this opportunity to thank all the great volunteers who really enable all this to happen in Gale thank you for letting okay ok let's talk about anything you want to talk about raise your hand I will try to the best of my ability to say something useful yes ma'am hi Marianna last week I thanked you for teaching me how to pray I started coming here last fall after reading returned to love and had my mind blown and opened and Kapow and then I asked last week also for special prayers for my parents I'm in the point to take care of the mail and last fall when I was coming I asked one day for special prayers for my boyfriend who has drinking issues so this past weekend a woman walks into my life and she works in a nursing home and she is an Ellen on sponsor you told me go to Alan or so I now have an al-anon sponsor and I know it's because of the prayers I've been saying and I'm doing the workbook I'm up to day 119 so it's working for me and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart I don't take any credit for that because anybody your story would suggest al-anon absolutely okay who somebody over here yes sir hi hi how are you I'm fine you want to if it's comfortable for you stand up so that the people online ok sure hi yeah Mike what you said some really beautiful things up there thank you my question is I'm going to be here so that they can see you sure is how you how you recommend someone choose a partner you talk a lot about the sort of the way that love is not exclusive to the red but it seems to be that when you choose a partner in romantic love your choice is inherently not a gala time because the fact you're supposed to love everybody doesn't mean you're supposed to sleep with everybody right exactly okay I didn't exactly ok so then so this is the issue from the Course in Miracles perspective it says we are to make no choices and make no decisions by ourselves so when it comes to that as much as to anything else the more you pray the more you meditate in the Course in Miracles doing the workbook exercises whatever your practice is the more of a finely tuned intuitional instrument you are we have become we are too quick in our society we are assaulted by this bombardment of ultimately meaningless stimulus all the time too many of us lack impulse control for that very reason and that's what meditation does that's what prayer does something like that particularly when you know and I think this is a very significant issue for the reasons we talked about earlier tonight in men and in women when it comes to picking a sexual partner it should not be a quick decision it should not be a casual decision too much is at stake this is people's this is people's psyches we're talking about here and casual you know casual decisions in this area can be harmful and are deeply out of integrity in our society doesn't use words like character and integrity and ethics enough and it is unethical you to get involved in a deep romantic situation with someone where you yourself do not really having prayed about this and thought about this feel that you are guided by God to make the deeper efforts involved and it's either lacking in self care for yourself and this is it with men women gay straight but it's lacking in self care for yourself to be casual about the decision and it's lacking in ethics towards another person to be casual about the decision and you know a lot of times with men they'll say something like well I'm really I I don't really I'm not really looking for a relationship and the woman ignores the communication and then you know thinks think cycle so here men with me yet well he was honest and then complains when actually he had said that and a lot of times a woman is saying well I'm not really looking for a relationship but usually usually with the woman I've actually betrayal of her deeper hearts feeling but she's come to the point of just deciding I can't get more so I'll just pretend to go along with that and even to myself and as I say I say my book of return to love which has become a line that's rather well-known if the train doesn't stop at your station it's not your train you know it's true that if you if you were more honest about the fact that you really were looking for something deeper and he's not interested that's okay let that go because there's another train behind that one but these we are as a culture not careful and reflective enough about that decision so how do you know your spirit will tell you God will tell you but it's like any other conversation you have to stay in the conversation long enough to really hear what what is being said and also another thing we do is we and I think women do this I don't know if this is true of men but sometimes we don't have the larger conversation with the man because we're afraid to we're afraid it might run him off or you know to really to know what he is there for and what he is interested in and a lot of times then later the woman feels like he didn't this or that and then either he or someone else points out he never said he would you know what I mean so it's that whole thing of what it takes to build a container and we're not children anymore that's the point you know two minutes it's one thing I mean I was in my twenties you know I understand that you know this is when you're a team and you're 20 this is when this is all worked out but there are too many people in our culture who in their 30s and their 40s and 50s and Beyond is still going through these things it's particularly causing trouble among women because women have have issues of childbearing years and limits in terms of the age of the ovaries that men do not have and this should be honored and respected by women by other women environment does that make sense and does that answer your question yes ma'am over there so you say that thank you by the way for your talk of incredibly enlightening when you say God will answer but you are will thank God what when you say God will answer right like you pray and God will answer for me I have resistance to that okay but you had said God / love and love I get on a deep level okay so how I understand okay okay so the Course in Miracles actually uses the phrase the voice for God I mean it actually it is a large part of the philosophy of A Course in Miracles that there is a voice for God now the Course in Miracles says sometimes spirit speaks to you through your brothers sometimes it is like a conversation you have with a friend who just gives you that peace or a book that you read or somebody don't even know we said something so it's not like the voice for God never comes to other people because sometimes it does but the ultimate check-in is in your own gut in your own heart now it's not as simple as you know one sounds like you know the ego sounds like Taylor Swift you know and the spirits Harry Styles with them it's not like that they're both your voice but the Course in Miracles says you know you heard correctly if you are at peace if you are at peace and I think a lot of times the problem is not that we didn't hear the problem is that we didn't like what we heard so a lot of times we say well I don't know you absolutely know and I say here all the time whatever you hear where you're in a room like this listen to yourself because when you're in a room full of people who are praying together it's difficult to lie to yourself because it's you're not confused you might be sad about what you hear but it's less confusing that's really the value of meetings and congregational experiences does that make sense and also the other thing is take your time in too many things you know this is true in business definitely but it's also true and love you don't owe it to anyone to rush to a decision we feel too rushed in our society we don't value reflection enough we don't value deep consideration enough you know if you're in a business meeting or in a relationship thing you might not the words of you know can I pray about this and get back to you might not be the appropriate words to use but you know you can just say I need a few days to think about this or whatever does that make sense and the issue of whether or not to join in in a deep romantic attachment the idea of of movies and the experiences of youth aside for most adults that is something about which it is reasonable and mature and meaningful and spiritual to go through the conversations within your heart and perhaps conversation with the other person that would really determine whether or not that sacred container will be there outside of which people get hurt when people getting hurt when your heart gets hurt and your psyche gets hurt that's no less important then when you're when your body gets hurt and and most of us if we're honest with ourselves have the scars to show that that makes sense yes ma'am in the back there hi so my question to you is about health health yeah and how does one I don't obviously everything is in prayer in connection to God and it is in his hands ultimately but how does one continue on a path of difficult health his childhood and find the continuation and kind of the hope that there is have you been dealing with foods or not not on myself person but a loved one okay yeah does this person have a serious spiritual path I believe deep down but I think that she's been very disillusioned and disappointed almost by that like God's response has not been quick and that she'll if you're looking at God as your errand boy and he doesn't produce what you sent him out to get for you immediately I understand where you would feel disillusioned but as the course America says disillusionment is a good thing it means you no longer under an illusion because what's an illusion there is a belief that that's what God is about but I mean if it's like something that's been used that someone has struggled with since childhood first that someone has struggled with since childhood I understand I know so let me tell you what the principle is in the Course in Miracles the Course in Miracles says the body now what you would say to this person I don't know I'm just telling you what the principle is and you take that and apply that and that relationship is be fit to the Course in Miracles says that the body is a suit of clothes it is not who you are you take off your clothes at night your body is still there you take off your body your spirit will still be there your body is only a suit of clothes and it's a priceless suit of clothes and it should be treated very very well but it itself is only a suit of clothes the Course in Miracles says the body and this goes back to the whole conversation we're having tonight oh the whole sexual thing the Course in Miracles says the body as everything else is holy or unholy as determined by the purposes the mind ascribes to it the body itself the Course in Miracles says is neutral so whether it's sex or anything else you do if it is used for God's purposes of deeper joining then it is a holy thing but like sex would be an example and I know I'm going a little bit off the health thing but we'll get back there so the ego uses sex as a substitute for communication the spirit uses sex as a deepening of communication now the Course in Miracles says that remember what I said a few minutes ago that enlightenment is a shift in self perception from body identification to spirit identification now when I identify with my body what does that mean and what's real to me are my circumstances what real to me is what's going on in the mortal world what's real to me or the past and other people's thoughts about me and mine of them and successes and failures and you live on that level of what's going on in the worldly domain and that is your belief about what life is the Course in Miracles says that puts a burden on the body that the body was not intended to carry and that is what creates sickness I mean look most most sicknesses emerge from stress that's what stress is the body your life is not about what's going on in your body the body is just a suit of clothes and it's it's a helpful learning device and it supports you in your purpose it is not your purpose however now the Course in Miracles says the body heals when we're not looking at it so the and and that makes sense doesn't it your mind is just it's away from it for a while and then it can regenerate more easily and that's why I ask if your friend has a serious spiritual practice nothing is more more beneficial to the person dealing with health issues than a serious meditation and prayer practice and one of the reasons it could even be because in remember when you meditate whether it's the course of miracles or anything else you are taken to your right alignment now right alignment might include meeting this amazing chiropractor right alignment might include learning about this amazing herb you know it's not like spirits the Course in Miracles I don't know is anybody here familiar with some Christian Science okay Christian not many Krista philosophy of Christian Science is basically the same philosophy as Course in Miracles spirit Israel matter is not but we're a Course in Miracles differs from from Christian Science is that the Course in Miracles says the Holy Spirit will enter in on the level of your belief system so it's the Spirit of God that is healing you but if your belief system is such that a direct healing would be kind of blow out your circuits it's too much for you to accept it will come in the form of a particular medicine because it will enter in on the level but you're meditating so you're meditating and praying might mean that you do end up with a particular medicine but the very fact that you meditated and prayed well I shall increase the possibility that you meet that doctor does that make sense yes it does thank you thank you very much I'd really appreciate it Mary Ann if we could pray for this person I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry to impose this I don't mean to at all but I'd appreciate if we could pray for this person or be glad to what is the name of this person Sarah Sarah let's pray for Sarah and I'm showing it Sarah is not the only person there could be people dealing with illness in this room on livestream someone that is in your heart that you that you are thinking of so absolutely let's say this prayer of physical healing dear God we pray that you send the divine physician to Sarah dear God she has been ill off and on for a very long time we prayed at the hand of the holy divine physician by the name of Jesus or any other be upon her and upon anyone else in this room who needs the presence of the divine physician in your body and in your mind and if there is anyone for whom we wish the miracle of physical healing we say their name to God and so it is together we all say Amen yes ma'am it's nice to see you again I was um involved in organizing and gear offense when you were running for Congress in LA account I love y'all thank you so much thank you of my heart there is various my question is about spiritual discipline um I have developed over the past years a practice of writing a prayer in the morning and at night I also some other person said learn from you a lot about prayer that isn't just reciting words and I know that I would be benefited by a real meditation practice as well and any other number of kind of spiritual additions to my life and I find that one of the things that gets in my way is like my own resistance a rebellion and being afraid of triggering that rebellion wait a minute okay I lost you on that one yeah a sense of rebellion and a fear of triggering that rebellion what do you mean by that in the past when I've attempted at some points to bring new things into my life that I knew were supportive to me and good for me overall a person bring my snow bring like practices or rationalize all right I can sometimes go the other way has become recently rebelled against them yeah I see and that's all of us so I just wanted to hear if you have any thoughts about bringing instituting intervals of discipline thanks don't take yourself too seriously here you know I think keep it light life is very serious the more seriously you take yourself the less seriously you're going to take the world the world is very serious right now so don't take yourself too seriously you know you're going to make it some day some days you're going to fall off the wagon somebody you're not it's like physical exercise some days you're going to do it some days you're not going to do it but lighten up on that on yourself I would think because you're not lightening up on yourself is an act of rebellion so the act of rebellion is not just that you didn't do it the act of rebellion is that you're beating up on yourself for not doing it the ego is both that which leads us to do the wrong thing and then punishes us savagely for having done so but I think that the most significant discipline that the Course in Miracles is asking for is not that you did your prayers of meditation today but that you are a kind of person today that you forgave others today that you were less judgmental today that you were less harsh today that you were less greedy today that you were less controlling today that's that's the rebellion that we want to watch out for does that make sense it's all about how we always other people and you know the Course in Miracles has heaven is enter two by two heaven which is the awareness of our oneness so it's really about a relationships with other people you can't talk about relationship with God that's meaningful without it including our relationship with other people that makes sense okay who's next hi hi everyone hi Marian I meditate I pray I set alarms on my phone for my angels to tap me on the shoulder during the day I between sister he's an addict and she's on disability she's on you know uh medicai today she asked me if she could borrow money um she could if she could borrow money from me and she would pay me when she gets her check the first of the month so I said what you know to been an expensive month for me my graduations etc life um and I said helmet by how much do you need two hundred and fifty dollars like wow what happened are you okay and she was honest she said she needs to her her pain management doctors only giving her 60 milligrams of whatever and she needs eighty so bla bla bla bla bla bla bla we can all write the story I can't in it and in any event I pray about her I even went to see her in April I can't do this and then there's a part of me that says I can't not do it but I can't give her this money I can't and does that mean you know like I is it my ego playing a guilt trip that is closed her eyes for a moment you know close your eyes for a moment and God does not need you to make this decision for him simply ask remove all your thoughts about this and simply ask dear God should I give her the money would you get no Matt Santa I'm gonna have to let her go then what I have to let her go it's her choice well you have to let go with your choice it maybe yes maybe no that that you can't give for the money ok hold on I think let me just talk about the course my moment the issue from a course perspective you may be right that maybe you have to let go you could also be right from a spiritual perspective she's your sister she needs money at two hundred and fifty dollars so I'm not I I it's not for me or for us to be enrolled in that one way or the other because I don't know but the fact that you prayed that that's the course dear God should I give her the money not any of the theorizing not I need to let her go because you could use lines in the Course in Miracles to justify giving her the money you could use lines and of course Americans justify not the Course in Miracles says if your brother asks you something outrageous do it because it does not matter that would justify giving it until though you could also find lines in the Course in Miracles where it talks about their hurt if you allow a brother to hurt you it is hurting them so from A Course in Miracles perspective it's about not figuring it out the Course in Miracles is very Eastern that way we talked before about the Zen mind the beginner's mind when he says in the in the Course in Miracles he talked about the line be as a little child and that the reason that line is in the Bible is because children know that they don't know so as a Course in Miracles student the technique the the problems the problem solving modality would be simply dear God should I give her the money it wouldn't be any of the other figuring it out does that make sense and so if you pray and you get a No then that's the answer but not because you have to let her go and she has to learn or any of that it's only because the Spirit of God knows the larger is the part of your mind that knows the larger picture much more than you do and knows how your behavior fits in and what the other person really needs and what's going to happen tomorrow so as a course principal just whatever whatever your prayer is and if you get no and you feel at peace with that I might have to meditate a little bit more about it honestly right you know what my what I would say they really have to you know what to think about it more I think well I have to pray about it more well but let's talk about this for a moment the Course in Miracles doesn't say if you pray enough about it finally the answer will come the answer has come to you and I don't know and you know deep in your heart and I don't and I'm not putting you on the spot here but usually the issue is not that you don't know I need to pray more the issue is that you pray the answer may or may not have gone along the Course in Miracles says what the Holy Spirit says will often seem startling to you so sometimes what happens when you quote-unquote think about it is different than what you will get when you pray because there's a psychological dynamic of your sisterhood of her addiction and then there is the soul dynamic that may or may not align in obvious ways all the time so why don't we just pray about it with you and then what you see after that and as you move forward does that sound like a good idea okay tell me your name again jump John alright your sister's name Bonnie does that sound good step prayer together yeah okay and this is for anybody here or watching on live stream who has a decision to make this is this is a large part of what the Course in Miracles is about you don't make decisions for yourself that there is a part of your mind that knows things you don't know you can't know what your conscious mind how your part fits into the larger plan plus you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow that make sense dear God we join with Joan as she puts in your hands her relationship with bond we know that you know dear God she has a decision to make and that is whether or not to say yes to her sister's request for 250 dollars we join with Joan as she empties her mind of all her own ideas and thoughts about this and asks that only your thoughts higher thoughts remain she completely puts this question in your hands and asks in this and in all things that your will be done and now all of us take this opportunity if there are any questions or decisions to be made that we're dealing with in our own lives we put this question in the hands of God we put this decision to be made in the hands of God and we pray for illumination and guidance and truth and so it is together we all say Amen anybody else tonight okay you you you okay yes ma'am so my mom passed away two and a half years ago stomach cancer is really terrible and I'm having a really hard time forgiving my father for the kind of terrible relationship he had with my mother and I had this really strong anger towards him and I regularly get into it with him and I've been a really big jerk and I said thanks to him like that should have been you not my mother and all this and in other words you've learned how to act from your father so you're tweeting your father the way you feel your father treated your mother that's probably accurate and I mean I've come here several times and it's like I know theoretically I know what there is to do and all about forgiveness and I've had many opportunities in life to forgive a variety of things when I'm having a really difficult time with this well that's you know you know the theory you know the abstract right but enlightenment begins as abstract concept and then makes its journey without distance and that comes from prayer and meditation and serious work are you doing the Course in Miracles itself no yeah so so where you are stuck is that you know the theory you know the concept and that does not warm you at night and it doesn't heal your life it just makes you more impressive at parties so if you wish to have the peace that only forgiveness will bring which will include a peace in your heart after he dies then I recommend that you consider actually if these ideas call to you looking at the workbook of the course even if it's 30 days if you start doing the workbook of the Course in Miracles and then at the end of 30 days you feel like you know this is not the path you know there's one truth many paths you might feel like not the path for you but that will not have been a waste of your time because only the hand of God can erase the memories and and dismantle those wires those crossed wires within you where he did this and he did that and if he hadn't done like to all of that stuff that is plaguing you and it is not serving you it is not serving him it is just further disease right does that make sense but we'll be glad to say a prayer with you and then you have a decision here to make of your own and that's how deep you wish to go into the waters of forgiveness and a lots going to happen from this prayer - does that make sense yes what is your name Mia Mia and what is your father's name Alban Albert okay let's pray for me and Albert and there might be someone in your life that you are having a hard time forgiving so you know the principle is the same so if forgiveness is an issue for you by all means enter the prayer with that person dear God we join with Mia as she places in your hands her relationship with her father Albert may this relationship be lifted to divine right order above and beyond the walls that would separate them may a great wave of forgiveness come upon them both may they see only the innocence within themselves and each other my all illusion of guilt Nell fall away that thus this relationship might be reborn a pack of light paved before them for their sake and for me as mother's sake who from where she is deeply loves them both all of us place in God's hands any unforgiveness that we ourselves carry towards anyone and so it is together we all say Amen somebody else back there there were a couple more okay this gentleman and then that gentleman okay hi hi so happy to meet you thank you happy to meet you too Franklin hey Dom so there's a Harvard study which you brought at the beginning started in 1938 and it's primarily a health focused study and is evolved into the adult development area where they took up originally 250 Harvard graduates and did complete biometrics on them for the rest of their lives so it's almost 80 years now and it's expanded down into their descendants there's more than 2000 participants in the study and is a TED lecture on it but it's worth looking into because the results are very surprising of all the things that folks self-reported where they were happy and the clinical facts that they had lower blood pressure they eliminated diseases reduced addiction and lived longer than anybody else when you take a look at where they addicted where they overweight where they did the exercise did they do the things did they smoke the one thing that is common in all the longest-living people is that they and healthiest longest living people is that they had deep meaningful relationships duh like we know and that's let's take about this culture we think we need Harvard to tell us this I just wanted a country yeah thank you well let's go throughout the bill to say even Harvard doesn't know it is true and there have been numerous studies like this married people live longer this has been just like we know that the the twenty five million dollar study on mentoring what makes kids learn we now know the single largest most important issue in the ability of children to learn is that one adult who does not even have to be a relative spend one hour with them saying that they care one hour we come in one hour a week the presence of one adult who indicates that they care whether or not they do well in school so other people are everything and this is a conversation we're having here it's like other people are relationship to other people and we have a society in which that's kind of oh yeah that even though we know we're all desperate for it does that make sense so thank you for telling us that doesn't that's great okay yes there was somebody over here somebody okay yes sir um parenting advice please my wife and I have two sons six and three and we're getting to those questions about everything when I grew up I was brought up partly Catholic and God was a guy with a beard who created everything in seven days so we're getting questions my eldest asked me about the Big Bang other day so I tried to explain and he asked me if Michael Jackson was there at the time I said probably I mean he said who's God and this is something that I haven't really thought about because I've evolved so much spiritually since I was forced to be Catholic so how do I tell a six-year-old what God is well let me ask you what you think God is good as you said you have evolved spiritually yeah I haven't had to put it in words to myself I mean I tried to tell him that God is energy and we're all energy and he's come to this conclusion now that when we die we all go back into energy and energy came from the Stars and so that's what we both got to it real good I would suggest that you add love to that oh yeah that's the only thing light I mean I think that's a beautiful explanation I also think and I have a book I'll give you a wrote a book called Emma and mommy talked to God although it's not in print anymore so I have to get it on eBay myself but I do have a call I'll be glad to give you because that's about the age that was a gradient and if the love parts there and I also think that parents have a natural ability for the spiritual wisdom you are just like you know how to take care of your children know how to physically take care of your children you know how to mostly take care of your children you actually also know how to spiritually inform your children it's just a matter of like a muscle we haven't been using and it sounds like you did great and that and what what could be more beautiful and I would have answered the same way about Michael Jackson and by the way I want to say something about Big Bang Theory the Course in Miracles suddenly aligns with the Big Bang Theory because it says that this whole mortal world was born in an instant it happened in an instant an instant of unforgettable incident so I my sentence is for you to just allow yourself to be more comfortable with exactly what you're saying but just never leave out the love part and when your kids have a problem don't hesitate to say why don't we just say a prayer about that when we say a prayer about oh you know what you need honey you need a miracle let's pray for a miracle and then also if another kid is a problem at school too we teach our children spiritually not through making it some other section like Sunday School we teach them spiritually situationally there's a problem let's pray for a miracle everything gets solved oh let's remember to thank God if somebody if somebody is a problem at school to say to that child you know I wonder I mean I don't know but I wonder if maybe at home they're not happy I just don't know I don't know if their mommy and daddy are happy do you think you know the ways you can start putting their minds that of what the other child might be feeling so that's it worked for me it's like just using her life my daughter's life and I mean there's almost nothing that you can't and then it doesn't become and then it becomes what you really wanted to be and what we wish it all was for us not a separate category of life but just the way they see everything does that make sense so I think you're sounding beautifully to me okay anybody else okay somebody else back here no no okay one more down there one more here somebody down there okay we just have one more we're done yes thank you hi Marian just a really quick question I started doing reading the text of the course about a couple months ago and started doing the lessons a couple of weeks ago and just a question you know I eat my breakfast in the morning and I read the Terry did the workbook and I think about yesterday's lesson okay in the workbook and I feel like I'm like I realize that I'm not that I'm not necessarily following the instructions completely like this if they say to do it three or four times during the day and if I didn't do it is it appropriate to do the same day again most most of us do I always because I don't know anybody who has perfectly done three this day for this day and the last thing the course wants is for it to be something you beat up on yourself about most of us myself included I did that yesterday but I didn't really do it well enough so I'm going to do that one again today after about three days if I go on there's no graduation day I mean you're going to come back then you know what I'm saying so I bet I think very normal just curious about that yeah okay all right okay yes ma'am okay oh hi Rory great to see you so I see you in LA all the time I live in New York praying all day long I have like ten days and I have to have God to make decision are you going to give up your apartment in New York are you going to go back la there's no drop either way in New York rally so I gave it like a month to see which way I can go I give seven years in LA and it didn't work but I'm really like in mistake I have to make decision so went to the dock say I want to be vulnerable about it and I'm thinking old medication I never been on it and I'm thinking oh I need to be on adderall I'm just speaking vulnerable right now because I can't I'm thinking I'm praying non-stop and I'm like I have to make a decision why am i Picatta quietly I really try to understand you couldn't decide whether you should move to live in New York or LA and so your mind said that's a reason to take adderall but we can remove that for a second the point is that it's been going on for so many years that I went that route today I didn't take it I'm just here today to get this spiritual may I understand but I'm still not understanding in the binary like I can't make a decision of where I will be the happiest because I like both places and I can't have to make a decision because I own a place and I have to rent it or I have to go back to my place in LA I can't just be in like oh like you have like this isn't happening to been praying non-stop and the answers aren't when you say you've been praying non-stop do you do serious spiritual practice meditatively every day so I would suggest and you said you've been coming to my lectures in the lla okay so if you come to my lectures and thank you that means that you are drawn to the ideas and a Course in Miracles so that says to me there is a chance that the Course in Miracles material would would please you well you know how I got to you today a stranger told me you were in town okay I was coming out of the bookstore no no it's great that I'm okay it's not about that it's about decision making and it's not clear you're looking in the mirror you're like okay I really want like some sort of real concrete I'm putting resumes out all over LA all over New York and nothing I have to tell you this much though a quieting of the mind not an upper would be helpful so a quieting of the mind so that you could hear what the voice is saying the problem that you have from A Course in Miracles perspective is not whether or not to go to LA or New York the problem you have is that your mind is all over the place and so whether if it's LA New York or anything else because in adult life all of us have to make decisions like whether I live in New York or LA in adult life we all have to make decisions like do I continue the lease here or should I move if that is part of adult life so the issue is as we were saying tonight decision making so I want to ask you a question when we prayed a while ago and we put decision the decisions in God's hands a few minutes ago what did you get he said you need to go and try to find on YouTube meditation tonight and have a guided meditation oh that's beautiful well that's exactly and that's what you got tonight okay so the guard again messages I get all the time just not the okay do you do you have the Course in Miracles no okay so we'll get you Tina I'm sorry Tiffany wait what is your name Rory right so give Rory a copy of the Course in Miracles and do we have that meditation type of line here the daily meditations do we have that okay and they're going to hear to the meditation tab this is also that you can't say you don't have it okay so I recommend to you that you because that's what you want to pray for is a quieting of the mind so that you can hear now beyond that okay you live in New York you live in LA and it doesn't even it doesn't matter as much as you're making it what matters is the quieting of your mind does that make sense yeah I get it so I'm not going to take the medicine that's just a miracle for me to just even be telling everyone about it we have them several like that's a huge vulnerability like I'm like don't want to but yet I'm like I'm crying inside of like I it's you know 44 I want to be married and have kids this all this future stuff and it's like there's decisions that you have to make bearing years you say blah blah blah and it and it's like where do you want to see your life not only about but living your mind doesn't become quieter you're going to have a hard time getting that partner who wants to have that baby with you I'm just going to meditate in that light or just good idea okay and what did you say your name is honey Rory okay we're going to pray now and as my mother would say God willing we will be here next week okay let's pray dear God we join with Rory and place the decision of where we should be in your hands and we pray that your spirit come upon her dear God and give her peace of mind and in her quiet may she feel your presence within and upon her we pray for Kevin and for lorella for mark for Susan for Marlo for Bruno for Luigi and Kevin Jennifer and Judith we pray for Peter for Cheryl and her son we pray for Jenny and her child within her ed Reese we pray for Josh and for Holly for Robert and for Maria we pray for Omar for resolve ah and Sarah for Dawn for Joel for hope for Val and for Jennifer we pray for bail and for Brian and Blanche and for Mike we know dear God that you know what the soul of each of these dearly beloved children of yours cry out for all of us now put our burdens our fears as well as our hopes our wishes and our visions in your hands and now go forth and confidence and go forth in peace for there are angels to your left and there are angels to your right there are angels in front of you and angels behind you there are angels above you and angels below where ever you go God goes with you for God is closer than your very breath there is a path of light already paved before you and if at any given moment walking on this path seems confusing or fearful put out your hand before you as with a little child for an elder brother looking someone to guide you and put you back on the path and guide your footsteps along it this is no idle fantasy he is here they are having been together tonight your God serve your purposes may each of us feel your blessing upon us the goodwill we send to one another and may we bless the world and so it is together we also amen god bless you everybody thank you [Applause] you

Channel: Marianne Williamson

Views: 251,694

Rating: 4.7827668 out of 5

Keywords: Marianne Williamson, Marianne Williamson (author), A Course In Miracles, ACIM, Consciousness, Love, Happiness, Spirituality, Humanity, Our Deepest Fear, A Return to Love

Id: iOmyEjpSDu4

Length: 129min 20sec (7760 seconds)

Published: Wed May 24 2017