Hi there, this is Michael Mirdad, and welcome to another
one of our Friday presentations, Friday Night Spiritual insights with Michael Mirdad. So
there have been some questions coming up from some folks for me to talk about, basically intimate relationships, but from
a spiritual perspective. So let's address that today. I guess I should start off with saying you don't have to be in a partnership to appreciate
this talk. If you are, great, if you're not, great as well. It'll help you understand your
own past relationships, maybe obviously the current relationship, but also the future
relationships, so it's, it's relevant in one way or the other. So let's let's start off
with this. You know, a spiritual or philosophical viewpoint
can sometimes seem very, I think, detached when you're talking about romance. Now, some
of us think that you know, romance is like the highest thing we can experience on Earth
and in fact it's the lowest form of love. There are lower things that aren't loving,
but romantic relationships are not the cat's meow.They're, you know, but bear with me.
Bear with me. I don't want to turn you off too quickly. So romantic relationships, and it's important
that we understand this. Any form of love is beautiful, poetic, romantic, love for your children, love for a partner,
love for your parents, love for beauty, nature, any form of love is beautiful because underneath
it is a respect for a greater love, the love for God. Now, if you don't understand that behind it
there's a greater love, then it minimizes it. Literally it sort of
freezes the volume on that love just to that one little spot. And then when you find the
greater love behind it, it's kind of like you realize, "Oh my God, I've been listening
to music on a transistor radio not realizing boom! Dolby stereo there it goes. The whole
thing blasts open." You go, "Wow! Where where have I been? Why
didn't I know about this?" Love that comes through on that transistor
radio sort of thing. And some of you are probably not old enough to remember transistor radios.
But that was our, you know, our music venue or our music form in the 60s and so on. Relationships can reflect the love of God.
They do ultimately reflect the love of God beneath it. But I mean, our goal when we're
looking from a spiritual perspective, our goal is to get that love to come forward to
fullest capacity. So what some people do is, they don't know how to blend that because
I'm with a partner, but they're not spiritual or I've had partners and they're not into
spirituality. So some of us end up bargaining and figuring "Well, best I can get, I'm just
going to accept it," and so on. So it gets to be this really, really clouded and strange
experience, intimate relationships. But relationships and partnerships, whether its family or partner
form, any relationship, and the love and relationships let's remember is beautiful in its own sense,
the good and if they're good and beautiful. However, let's now break it down a little
bit. When it comes to intimate relationships, and
again most of what I'm saying could really go across the board any form of relating,
any form of relationship, but people are asking about romantic love. So when it comes to romantic
love there there are different levels. Primarily there is a unhealthy, then there's healthy,
and then there's holy. So we'll talk about the three levels of romantic
love. And this all applies, like I said, to really any relationship, there's unhealthy,
healthy, and holy. Any relationship. But on a romantic love level, when I talk about the
unhealthy type of love, the one called unhealthy, there's like two two levels of that. One level would be the puppy love, and that's
decent compared to the other half of unhealthy love, which is pure full on dysfunctional
enmeshed codependent love. And that one breaks down into two parts, because there's codependent
like dependence we just love love love love love, but it's sort of a shallow love, and
then there's what I'm saying is that in the unhealthy category, it's when you find shallow
levels of love. We can still call it pseudo love, but it's the most shallow form. So there
one, full-on abusive, really messed up calling it love, even marry the person Okay, called
romantic love. But it isn't really and it's really abusive physically, emotionally, verbally
or whatever level of abusiveness from one or both people. That's not so cool, but still higher than
that, thank God there's one even you know higher, but it's still on the level of unhealthy,
and that's just the enmeshed co-dependent type. It's really kind of shallow. it doesn't go very far. It's not very deep.
Not a lot of deep connection, deep communication, not a lot of deep expression. I mean from
from the soul. So it's just kind of, we just go through the motions. There's a lot of people
that do this. They might barely rarely the first group shallow love could barely even
express love, I love you and that sort of thing, because there's such a abusiveness. But the other that's a little healthier, you
have a little bit of the version of I love you. But it's a little in mashed, it's a little,
you know, shallow and just kind of, you just say these things almost obligatory, you know,
and so on. And, in a sense, the shallow levels of love, you might be shocked, but I would
include puppy love in that. Even though shallow love is kind of dull, there's also another
aspect of shallow love that's much less dull it's like I love you. I love you. I love you.
But it's just really still shallow. It's like what you could call infantile stage. It's
just this puppy love, and you're not a puppy. You're not a dog in any way. You're not a
puppy. So the puppy love, whether it's you know, metaphoric or not, I'm just saying that
it's a little bit needy. It's a little bit coming from, I think it's cute.It's got a
cuteness to it. So bless you, if you have it, or have had it. Oh, it was so neat. We
went out and we did things and looked in each other's eyes and loved each other and took
photos under the stars, you know, and it's all beautiful. Whatever, it whatever. You
know, it's cute. All I'm saying is that it's not deep. Usually it's not deep. The more
of the, the more you have an infatuation and a kind of a batting the eyes at each other,
which is cute, poetic, romantic, and so on. In some respects, the more you're fixated
on that, which is usually what you're going to need to do when you have shallow love is,
you know, is it by default, it's not going to allow depth. You know, it's almost like
we're so busy just going you know, another picture and, you know, almost like constant
prom photo. Hell, you know, just constantly having people take pictures of you everywhere,
you know, and that's, it's, it's neat. It's cute. It's better than abuse of pseudo love. But it's just not very deep.
And so when two people that are in that sit down and say By the way, what are your deepest dreams You know, a lot
of times you just have this blank stare I don't know about dreams. I'm just so in love.
You know, and and that's, you know, obviously not the
coolest thing you can get to. So that first level of love generally unhealthy one is a little more extreme
unhealthy, one less extreme. But they're just still both Lee under the category of unhealthy
because they involve a codependence and in measurement and so on. So we we sort of take
the elevator up to the next level and that's where we have a different kinds of love it's
healthy love. Now the difference between that first and second level primarily as you could
say the first level is neediness the second level is psychological. Literally, it means
we might go to counseling together, we might know a bit more about responsibility and self
help. We might almost the relationship is almost like something we have brought into
a 12 step program. He like you know, we're not in drugged anymore. You know, we're not in the drug. We're not in the euphoria.
We're in the let's, let's really look at this. So you you really love me. So what's the love about I mean, I'm just curious, where's
that coming from? Well, it's about this and that. And when when I said no, the other day
to intimacy you seem rejected, what was the, you know, what did what was happening there,
you want to share that with me, deep connection, communication, obviously, for me to deeply
communicate like, that takes trust, doesn't it. So trust becomes a part of that healthier,
the second level, healthier, not unhealthy, but healthy relationship. And, you know, there's
more interdependence, there's more clarity, and then the second level where we're sharing.
So, you know, from a spiritual standpoint, romantic love can be beautiful, but it's got
to become healthier, which means I'm going to need to know more about myself, it means
I'm going to have to be interested in you. If I think I find myself not really interested
in my partner, I find the relationship you know, gets dull, when I have to start thinking
about my partner, I'm just there. For me, that's very selfish, potentially even narcissistic.
But it's selfish, to say the least. So if you think about your relationship, and you
cannot or 10 not to be able to think of yourself as a wee, which sounds codependent but I'll
get to that, then you're not a healthy person in a relationship. If you still think I and
some people will tell you, you need more autonomy. But there is unhealthy forms of autonomy and,
and healthy forms. But when you're thinking in terms of I, I have my needs, you know,
well, that's true. And the earlier you are in your evolution or growth, you're going
to need to have a period when you have to exert that a little bit more my needs, my
needs aren't being met, my needs are being that in mind my this and that they're being
met, they're not being met my needs my thoughts, my my dreams, you're going to need to go through
a period of that. But you're still sounding like you're at that first level of relationship
where there's an unhealthy Enos. So there's a defensiveness, there's a having to protect
yourself a bit and be guarded, what happens in healthy relationship is, I still exist,
and you still exist, but there's a third party, it's like the child offspring of the relationship.
I am dating you, okay, I am dating you. There's a lot of three aspects of things that I talked
about, not only the trinity of God, but all the way to relationships, there's three types
of relationships, there's three stages of relationships, and so on. So that that Trinity
is a good way to understand a lot of things. So you know, I'm in a relationship with you, and we have
a child called the relationship, think of it like that, you need to feed the child,
you need to take care of the child, you need to nurture it, you need to protect it right?
A child, your child, or it's not just the children, you have probably more important
even than you having children in that romantic relationship is that you have a healthy relationship
because that will help produce healthier children. Should you choose to have children, but when
if people could recognize that, that the relationship is their baby, it changes
things because it's no longer I am here, you're here. And you and I might have kids, it's
kind of like, we have one are we taking care of it. So let's go to the store. Or let's
do this would you like to make love, it's a week it's not I need sex. It's, I would
like to share home feeling with you. And in so doing, we experience we, we experience
our relationship, but we experience our intimacy, we expect variance, our romance, we experience
the The third thing and the relationship. The US there's this, you know, just melting
into each other, but in a healthy way now in codependence. You could say the, there's
an us but that's because I lost myself. So all I am is the relationship and usually it's
what you the partner would need from me in the relationship. So it's, it's not really
even the same. But it sounds the same I codependence. I lose myself in the relationship, a particular
the demands of my partner in that relationship. In a healthy relationship. I'm still here
in my center, you're still there and your center hopefully because you don't always
have two people contributing to a healthy relationship. That may sound a bit contradictory.
But it's true. You don't have to have a stellar perfect partner to create a healthy relationship.
It just makes it easier. One person can actually carry it you could say but if one person carries it, the relationship
they're the only patient one the only loving one the only honest one, it's going to quickly
descend into a codependence obviously, and in measurement where somebody being a rescuer
and so on. So it this gets very tricky. But it is important to say it is possible to have
a healthy relationship with just one person contributing to contributing. And it's possible
to have a holy relationship with only one person. It's just next to impossible in this
world. That's why it's referred to as a miracle for any of us to accomplish a holy relationship.
Because it's next to impossible because humans don't know how to go into such a situation
with a really clear concept of who they are. And then be able to say, knowing who I am,
allows me to know what I can afford to do in this relationship. Most of us instead say,
well, they're not really into this, but I'm growing and I don't want to lose them. So
I think what I'll do is I'll just keep working at it all. Keep doing all the work and the
giving, and the sharing, and the whatever, whatever, I'll do the job and I'll make a
living and they'll stay at home. I mean, I've heard all kinds of stories of different versions
of this, but you know, that's rescuing and it's one sided, and it's not healthy. Even
if you think you're just a benevolent person doing this not wise man, because you will,
you will harbor it somewhere in your being there's an Oregon somewhere inside screaming
because it's taking the anxiety or stress of what you're doing on it's taking it on,
there's glands that are screaming, you know, you could be your adrenal, it could be your
thymus, your thyroid, but something's going to be hurt because it's absorbing the the
two things the hurt and the ankle anger, your body's going to be trying to create a healthy
holy relationship. And it's because you're you're really your intentions are great. My
do sometimes sometimes you just full blown codependence and neediness and that's selfish
on your part. Even though you look selfless, you're not being selfish because you want
something out of their their relationship that they're not willing to give. So you're
killing yourself to get it not good. But sometimes it is with good intentions. Sometimes you
really are saying, Well, you know, I'm trying because I believe that we can do it. I really
think it's there. I really think that this person is is worth sharing a relationship.
Now, if you say I'm going to hang in there to save them. Bad news again, you need a codependent
group. Okay. But there are times when we say but we really have times that are really healthy,
healthy and good. Not not just like stimulating. Good. I mean, like, healthy, good. Wow, we
have such great times that we're, we're good we connect with and we just descend into arguing.
Or sometimes they're just not wanting to go too far into something spiritual. That's,
that's to me. That's forgivable the person's just maybe they just want to, you know, their
version of spirituality is a more base version. don't condemn them for that their meditation
can be to go out fishing. So just love it. Say, how was your meditation today? And they
should laugh as a Oh, well, fishing was great. You know, you can make light of it. Because
lighten up, it helps things it brings more light into things. So just something to consider,
you know, you can you can sometimes make a difference in a relationship. But you have
to be really, really honest to where it's like, I can make a difference, but it Do I
have to kill myself to make that difference. Do I have to go through hell to get that to
happen. And if that's true on any level, or even if you suspect it, subconsciously, you
better do something different. Because you're going to be subconsciously or consciously you're going
to be resentful that you're working so hard at it. And a lot of times, we do all that
to make the relationship work out. And then lo and behold, you know, before you know it,
they do something that makes you realize it's not going to work. And now there's that temptation
to think the famous phrase God after all I've done and if you're going to say that, then,
you know, none of it was healthy and unconditional as you thought it was. And, you know, it's
kind of a bummer, but Okay, now we learn the easy way or the hard way. And we usually learn
the hard ways and so be it. And it ends there. All right, there's a third category of relationship
holy. Now holy doesn't mean that we both you know
were white and only speak in a Whispery voice Good morning, beloved. Oh, good morning, beloved
to you, too. No, no better morning to, you know, to, you know, you, you know you more
you more, because we want the greatest holiness for each other. It's, it's not like some,
you know, pseudo spiritual experience like that I'm
just kind of whispery, a holy relationship means that we, and this
is important. You can't have a holy relationship just because it sounds neat. You don't get a frame and put the words holy
relationship and put your pictures in it. And assume that does it, it's first and foremost, you have to actually
ask spirit just like you pray for a house cleansing, just like you might pray for healing
of your health, or whatever, you have to pray, you have to actually verbally ask for your
relationship to be commended into or surrendered into a holding state. That doesn't mean things
are going to be perfect and holy. From then on. It means you're wrapping up your relationship
from one level to the highest on earth. And that means on one level I know unhealthy love another
healthier love and this is the healthiest love honor another way of saying it is conditional
love, unconditional love In theory, and truly understanding
unconditional love it ramping up ramping up ramping up other descriptions I I can recognize in whatever we experience,
I know how to be responsible and look within myself I don't lean towards or air towards
projecting onto you. And if I do I try to catch it as soon as possible. And practice
forgiveness. So in the second level, it's healthier. And so you might take an argument
of the first time the first level of relationship second level, you might say sorry about that.
Me too. And done. It means you've made it, you know, a little bit of an apology. It means
you've you've made a correction in this situation. I think that's great. The third level, it's
not just a correction in a holy relationship. You don't just say, Well, if you apologize,
all apologize. And then we'll exchange chocolates. And we have a great relationship again. And
the third level if there's a deeper understanding, it's okay, we can say apologies here. But
where did that come from? Yeah, there's some hurt in me. And I don't
like when you did this, it kind of triggered such and such, really. And then what's that
about, I can see where that's, you know, an old pattern of mine. And I'm willing to now
forgive. But in the second level, I forgive you. And the third level, I understand I'm
forgiving everything, everything that was there as a lesson because I'm going to be
prepared. Now I want to know your holiness. See, in the second level, I want to get along
with you better, healthier. The third level, I want to know your holiness, and discover
my own at the same time. So as I practice love and forgiveness, I don't do it to have
a better relationship, I do it to have a holy experience. Now, this is not just for partners,
this is all people on earth are eventually going to have a holy relationship with all
other people on earth. And throughout history. For that matter, believe it or not, there's going to come a time when all relationships
become holy again. And that's the end of time. Literally, there won't be any need for time,
because everything just sort of dissolves into the purity of love and relation. However,
I want to make this clear, our assumption is that you have to go from unhealthy to healthy
to holy, you do have to go from unhealthy to healthy, but you don't have to have healthy
to go to holy, you can have the most dysfunctional unhealthy relationship and still go to holy,
generally, we will go to healthy and then holy generally. But a miracle tells us we're
allowed to go from the most dysfunctional and it could be again, it could be a parent,
child, sibling, person at work, and just take it straight home to holy because it's not
just about getting along better, therefore eventually becoming holy. It's like saying,
no matter how crappy Our relationship is, I can surrender it to spirit and ask to see
you a dysfunctional partner as as a holy being. And then there's a vibe that happens a shift and I go, how yesterday, I was really anxious about that
person at work, and all of a sudden it's shifting. I, I feel a
little better today, you've had a holy instant as A Course in Miracles call it calls it it's
a holy instant, where you allowed issues and so forth, things of time, issues and limitations,
limiting beliefs, limited love to be surrendered with an open mind to receive a different view
of that person. It might manifest as a complete holy vision, it could manifest is just the
most mild sense of less hatred or anger. But a shift will be almost guaranteed it will
be guaranteed, but almost guaranteed to be perceptible. It's always there, but you can
almost guarantee that it's all almost, you know, it's always perceptible, I can't say
it's always perceptible. It's always there, but not always perceptible.
Most of the time, on some level it is if we just opened our minds and hearts to see it.
So even, you know, even in the most difficult situations, it's going to show up in some
form if we have an open enough mind. So if we want to know how to surrender romantic
love into from us and see it from a spiritual perspective,
it means raising the bar raising the quality of the relationship. Most people they can't
do that they don't even know how. But also they're not interested. They're like hey,
romances you date and you date need a date here. And there in life. When you date somebody
enough and you either like them enough, you get pregnant, or you get fed up with dating.
So you want to settle down, you know, all strange reasons to partner with somebody for life. But those are if you think about it,
look at your friends and just look at what the reasons were something they were in love,
but it was puppy love. It was the wrong reason if it was dysfunctional hate, love, it was
the wrong reason. If it was healthy love, that's a little bit better reason. But even
with the healthy love what's behind it, what is the main premise to me choosing to partner
with you for life? You know, and some of our answers aren't exactly stellar, you know,
it's, well, you know, I got along with them really well. Or it's we dated for so long,
it's just had to happen eventually, or we got pregnant or, you know, those aren't really the highest levels of
reasoning, but it happens. So what happens is people often in put the search for love
or partnership, they put that over the higher integrity is that should be our guide or certainly
part of our compass and map to getting to that better place and one of the important campuses is having to
do with intimacy because this is about romantic love. How do I improve or is it possible to
improve romantic love and have a spiritual perspective on love You see, a lot of us are
taught spiritual perspective means you don't even bother with love. That's the old mystic
path and it's got its validity but rather than being an opposite to overly
human romance and having the opposite this detached mysticism there is a way to have
love from a mystical spiritual standpoint in a centered in the middle in the center
kind of a way but not while you're bargaining yourself away so you cannot settle for dysfunctional
level of love. It's got to be healthy. And yeah, you if you're in a dysfunctional one,
you can surrender it to God doesn't mean you stay married doesn't mean you still call them
on the holidays, whoever they are, you can walk away too and still so you can surrender
the relationship to God and feel a shift and still say goodbye. You can also say hello. It just depends on
what's working, you know what's healthy and what's resonating with healthiness. So again, we we tend to bargain ourselves
away. One of the ways people bargain and you'll know, you know, you're in a relationship,
let's say, a romantic relationship, or you're dating somebody, you know, what are they about? You know, what's, what's
going on in the relationship? What is what's being brought up in you, you know, is it Love
Is it desperation, neediness fear, I mean, you got to look at those things. Having those
doesn't mean don't do it, the relationship but it does mean warning, you got some red lights on the dashboard.
What's that about? Oh, that's just a mild signal on the dashboard that says, try to
get your oil change in the next, you know, 3000 miles. That's not immediate, he on the
tank, you know, the gas tank a little more urgent, isn't it? Let's, let's understand,
he does not mean enough. You know, he means you're out of fuel. So you have to know those,
those red flags as it were in relationship. One of them would be a relationship needs
to be grown, we meet and we connect so easily, it seems
like dating would make sense. Okay, now we're dating God, you know, going
out is so easy. Kissing seems to make sense. Kissing made so much sense. Next thing, you
know, connecting more having them, you know, for
dinner over the house, or something a little more personal, great, that grows. And it's
so organic, the love and respect is so obvious and prevalent that it moves into, you know,
intimacy or sexuality. And that too, needs to feel just organic. It can be passionate
and playful, and it can be soft and mellow. And so whatever it is, and from that, does
it feel like that, too, is just so natural, so easy. That tells me even more, now we're
talking about, yeah, the, the level of relationship is just increasing and increasing. You can
have sexual chemistry and a completely dysfunctional relationship. Because this extra chemistry
could be based on hormones, or dysfunctions, believe it or not, past life, negative karmic
stuff, and you can think it's, it's a positive chemistry when it's not, it's very confusing,
because something clicks, you think it's great. Not always, one way, you'll know, the most
important thing technique to know a tool for developing healthy relationship is slowly
now that's the number one rule in sacred sexuality. It's not technique, like, people think it's
not learning 20 positions. It's not about learning a technique of sustainability, and
long lasting sex, or whatever it is slow down. Now, if you know how to be slow, in terms
of present, I don't mean just slow down. I mean, you know, you're there. Wow, deepening. How's it going,
Wow, this is amazing, that kind of response. And when you're able to do that, the slowing
down, then things don't fly by you as easily meaning warning signs, you sent something,
something's not quite, you know, quite right there. And then you look into that, and you
realize, you know, I can see where we get along. But I it's, something's just not really there,
in terms of a complete relationship. So thank you. Nice intimacy, and thank you for the
nice dating, but I don't see it going somewhere else. So I apologize if that's, you know,
upsetting, but, and you have to kind of call it there. It's just man, it's just learning. You know, I mean, sometimes we're
just stumbling along and we're learning and we all have our lessons. And intimacy is one
of this strangers and romance, these are some of the strangest places. Because if I'm, if I'm a kid, and I want to learn
how to make my own lunch, that could be a little bit strange, you know, learning how to do this
for the first time, and that for the first time, okay, it's an experiment of sorts. But
Fair enough, when you go into relationship, there's another person there, you're trying
to navigate bodies, and emotions, and all kinds of things that can make it a little
more challenging. And so for anybody, it can be an awkward experience, when you slow down,
and you come from a place of love and respect, you're almost, you know, 1000 times more certain
of success, because you've slowed down so you can see what's happening in each instance.
So you have time to recalibrate what when they tell you, you know, when you're taking
driving tests, and so forth, the importance of having a safe buffer between you and another
car, then based on your speed, and the weather, and so on. If the car in front has to stop
or something, you have time, reaction time, same in relationship, we have enough space between us, we're not so enmeshed that
we can't see anything where we have enough space between us, which means presence and
so on, that we can connect and, you know, kind of figure out what's going on. And oops,
I didn't realize it. But that's something triggered me and I needed to have some time
to see that, and let me share what that was, then you share and and they have time to listen,
and then integrate and absorb that, okay, and then they can decide what to say
back instead of all reaction time kind of stuff. But really, you know, intense reactions.
So that's something to consider is slow down, but also in when it comes to intimacy, to
timing, it's possible for two people to connect, know each other immediately and make love
and not have a problem. It's just not likely for humans. I've known people that have done
it and tried to justify it, it was just bogus. And and it's a hard thing to admit once you've
done it. But you know, if you find yourself following the compulsion to have sex, you
should ask yourself why you've known the person for days, hours, sometimes days, weeks? When
is it? Okay, well, I think if you wait years, maybe that's too long. I think if you wait only days, maybe that's
too brief of a time period. So how many weeks? How many months? You know, I can't say there's
an exact answer, because it depends how much we connect. Just because you go on a lot of
dates. That doesn't mean that's the the barometer to say, That's not the checklist to say, well,
there it is. We've dated 20 times. So it's good to go. Now, it's not like it's only the
second date. Well, if you date 20 times in 20 days, that in itself might be a little
strange, not because it isn't beautiful, but because it could be a little obsessive, you
know, and fast. So I'd rather say let's take time, let's get to know each other, and let
it become an organic, natural next step. This is just what makes sense for the next step.
You know, I've known people obviously, Far too often the didn't wait, I know, people
that have said, I waited and I fell in love with somebody. And we waited a few months
of dating. And then did you know, and, and sometimes it didn't go well. And sometimes
it did seem to go well, and so on. Because they waited months connected. And but it wasn't
just that it's that there was the ones that it worked, it were, it was people who felt
in love, but also they knew they were safe, they were they were going to be cared for,
and not coerce, or pushed or whatever. And that's another important thing to watch. You
know, if you push into a sexual experience with somebody don't think it's just romance
because it's sex it look at what's happening, my partner there, they just keep asking, that
is a really good sign right there of have a problem. They keep asking, well, it's been
so long, if I were a person and the other person were to come on, it's been so long,
that's telling me you're focused on the clock, so to speak, the calendar and I'm already
done. I mean, if it were me, I'm already done. I could I could say to them, okay, I need
to share my feelings. I need you to understand that I need to wait 90 more days. And they
say, Okay, fine. And you think God willing to wait? Not necessarily, when they say, Okay,
I'll wait out 90 days, it's there. They're just waiting out 90 days. And they're sort
of chomping at the bit, man, they're like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, you know, impatient, you know, waiting,
you think that it's graceful of them? gracious of them. It might be in rare cases, because
they're like, Okay, well, you communicate it. So I'm good with that. They could be good
with most or not, most of them are going to say, I want this for some reason. It could
be a score, it could be a trophy. It could whatever. And they're just going to wait it
out. Because it's their way of proving that they can do anything to get what they want.
So be careful. And also watch yourself when you find yourself giving in. Why is that? Well, come on. Michael, you know, I have needs
you know, I'm not the counselor to bring that kind of crap to and expect to get by with
it. It's not going to work. You know, Michael I have needs well, who has needs to God in?
You doesn't. So what does Okay, fine. Michael, my human human, your ego, okay, your human
ego need as needs, those will never be felt. So all you're doing is bargaining yourself
away again. Now I'm not I'm it sounds like I'm going to be stringent about it. I'm not
going to like bust your chops and like, make you feel horrible, I hope. But I would say
Well, what's it about? And we look at it and you say, Well, you know, but I just it's been
a while. And I say well, how long and I've had people say months. And I'm thinking oh
my god inside. You know, I don't say it. But I'm thinking I know people have waited years
and you're complaining that you've only had to wait months Come on. But there are you
know, things like that for people. And so you're going to what it's called as bargaining,
you're going to bargain you're going to sell yourself short. You're going to say well,
I it's I have needs or they wanted to and they were going to leave me if I didn't let
him leave. Let you know pack them a legend. Say goodbye, you know, audios be done. But you have to watch your
own stuff too. So a lot of times I've had yellow say well, but I did wait. I waited
a few weeks. But I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted okay. I would just say to you to
them, what's your usual history and 90 something percent of the time. What they say to me is,
it's it's promiscuity. It's rushing in it's being used words like that come out of their
mouth. Which tells me that you're still in the old pattern. If you're a student of mine,
I would call you on that if you're a friend or whatever, an intimate friend of mine I
would have said wait what's that about? You know because if you're running on old compulsions,
I'm not seeing evidence of evolving and healing which is what we're supposed
to be wanting to do. So if you're a friend, if you're a client, I'm going to be looking
for healing here. So I'm not going to really you know, by the just the shallow reasons
you may have had to do this or that. So just something to think about. I again, you know,
people they they act too quickly sometimes on romance on sex or any of these things they
get married prematurely real quickly they jump into bed too quickly date somebody to
quickly and the fast moving is is not healthy. You have to ask yourself why that is because
I didn't want him to leave wrong because I was feeling lonely road those those you feel
that I'm not denying you feel that I'm saying that's not what you really ultimately want
to use as your guide neediness as my guide hurt as my guide fear that they'll leave me
as my guide, not a healthy guide. So you need some more, you need some more healing. And
so let's set our goal for more healing. And I've seen people that have a really hard time
with this. But I've written a book on relationships, you know, it's, you know, it's a great I think it's a great book and
covers just about anything you can imagine stages of relationship, the different types of relationships just
so that people can be clearer in their mind about what they're doing, and why. And, you
know, being more responsible, and it's, it covers everything from our relationship to
God to relationship with self relationship with others, whether they're friends, others,
or partners, others, so I covered as much as I could in there and it some of this would
be addressed in there. If you want to know you know more about it. But for us to have
healthy relationships, you want a spiritual perspective of romance. Here's the the elephant
in a nutshell, a spiritual perspective is this spiritual, you don't need anything, but you're on Earth, you have a body so it's
nice to have some things all right, fire. Fair enough. Don't try to destroy the spirit,
the word spiritual in that you must keep it in the back of your mind, spiritually. I need
nothing. Don't say spiritually. I wouldn't need nothing if I were more spiritual. But
I'm not there for and cashed out and go after the other qubit. Instead, in the back of your
mind. Spiritually, there's a knowingness I need nothing, spiritually. I am whole within
myself. But don't play mystic and leave it at that add to it. Not a but. But add. And since I'm
still in a body, I'd like a relationship. Great. What kind of, would you like? unhealthy,
healthy or holy and holy can be with the other two? As I said, Do you want unhealthy or healthy?
Then I recommend also bringing in holy but do you
want unhealthier, healthy, okay? I'm committed to healthy then slow down see what's happening. What's being called
inside for you what you want a relationship and I want it now why now you
know why the desperation watch. You can't have a healthy relationship without responsibility.
So you have to learn to know what makes you tick and so forth. You know, instead of you
know, just running on the old compulsions. So you say, you know, no, I'm, I am committed
to a healthy relationship, I'm committed to a different way of living and relating. So
I'm going to slow it down, I'm going to get to know God and get to know myself. And then
I'm going to bring a a healthier person to the relationship. And, and I'll slip once
in a while. When I do, I will apologize, I will own you know, whoops, I slipped, I got a little
impatient and and then you have a see without communication, you really can't have healthy
relationships. So you learn to slow things down and communicate what's happening inside
responsibly and so on. You know, so, you know, hopefully this is all made sense. Because
it's like when you hear the word holy relationships
you think almost like monk like and that wouldn't do as a whole lot of good. I mean, that's,
you can have a monk like experience just cloistered in a way, you know, lock yourself up in a
monastery somewhere. And we're talking about romantic relationships. So we've got to get
in our body and recognize how do I bring the spirituality to the body to the human romantic
level, don't have a fake love and expect it to just become more spiritual, you have to
access spirituality and bring it to that relationship. And, and my heart goes out because some of
you are going to say, Okay, wait, I have a unique question, Michael, what if both people
aren't interested? What if, what if I'm interested in spirituality, and they're not? Again, you
only do that if you feel you can carry it, you know, if you can kind of be there, the
person there and some of you, I wouldn't do that. Like, I wouldn't go and meet somebody that's
not spiritual or into spirituality. Don't judge them. I'm saying you can choose. That's
not really what I'm looking for in a partnership. And I know, you know, I've had friends, students and clients and
so forth, that that say, they don't have to be spiritual. And then you make up excuses
as to how to make that pass through your your better judgment sodas, so to speak. But it's like, they don't have to be spiritual, they're just
so nice, or the sex is great, or, or whatever, that's all bogus. It's this six, never great
unless it's spiritual and healthy and centered, you have stimulating say, Well, I don't care
about that porn people can have stimulating sex doesn't impress me. So let's stay with the real. So how do I bring
the spiritual my feedback would be if you're looking for a relationship or open to a relationship, better to be open, then look, but if that
happens, I would say, just know that spiritual is important and responsible is important.
And healthy is important. Make that you know, instead of, they got to look like this, they
got to look like that. It's the looks are naturally a part of it. For me, it's going to be holistic. If I'm
open to a relationship, it's going to be holistic at certain attractiveness, chemistry, sexiness.
But those come in a sense after the spiritual, healthy, responsible and so on. Because I
don't care what you look like, if you're an ass. You know, if you're rude if you're whatever,
you know, if you're condescending to my spiritual path, and I'm and me personally, Michael wouldn't, I
wouldn't even bother. I can't even imagine getting involved in a relationship that doesn't
have spirituality. I don't know that I ever did. But you know, I just wouldn't, and I'm not dissing
you, I'm saying, that's what I wouldn't do. But what if we're already in one again, start with Do not judge them. They are what
they are. And it worked for you at some point. So start with respect for who they are, then
ask yourself, and is that going to work for me, if it were Michael again, if you're rude and
condescending about my spirituality, I got to work on forgiving that and being patient
with that. But I'm also going to say, and guess what, I really don't need that. And
I might end it if it were extreme like that, because that's abuse, I still have to love
and forgive and respect and say adios in in as tactful away as possible. But I'd be done.
So you know, and in some cases, you folks, you have partners,
and they're not into spirituality. But what I would say is respect that they have their
level of spirituality, their version of it, it doesn't have to match yours, just that
it's not abusive would be, I think, a good sign. and respectful is a nice side. So then
we start talking about how to navigate that, you know, and it's like, we can be playful,
you know, I can have a partner that's just totally in love with me, and I'm in love with
them. And we connect and everything's just beautiful. And yet, it can there can be a
humor to it, you know, there can be like, you know, you can say, I'm going to go meditate now.
And then the partner says, oh, would you do, I need to get your pointed which hat for you
to, you know, and you guys can laugh, if it's playful. If that said with rudeness, I just
don't know that I'd be there another day. So each of us has to make those decisions.
The conversation right now, in a sense, in a word is called boundaries. But I've talked
about that in presentations all by itself, so can go and
look at some of the presentations on that. And that's also covered in my relationships.
But But and, and, you know, not just the book, there's DVD sets and so forth that cover these
topics. So, you know, just check them out a little bit more. But keep in mind it's healthy relationships and priests, spiritual
perspective on relationships, there's got to be maturity, which means responsibility,
healthy boundaries, communication, and so on and so on. And when you don't have those
things, you work on them. And you almost almost have to consider bringing a relationship to
counseling. And now it doesn't have to be officially a counselor, but a counseling level
of consciousness meaning you and I know about boundaries and healthiness and communication
because that's what a council is going to tell you anyway.
We also know about codependence like as though we're in a 12 step group. You know, so you really do your best to attract create
a healthy partnership and healthy relationships in all areas of your life. But for the romantic
aspect, don't let romance or stimulation or even sex
take precedence over spiritual principles, responsibility, maturity, and integrity and
communication. Those things have to be in there. And if they're not, then somewhere
along the line, you're you bargained something away, you have forgotten something that you
must not, you know, choose to forgo, you got to stick with it, these this is what I'm looking
for no exception. So I'm going to stick to this and believe it or not, you're then helping
them. And I'm going to close on this note that one of the greatest things in a romantic relationship
is that there's a learning that comes along with it. And you may not bring people to the promised land,
so to speak, meaning spirituality in a relationship, but every bit of love, tact, forgiveness,
respect, learning, and so on. But obviously forgiveness in a relationship, you are being
a living example to that person. So on the other side, they're not going to say when
you pass over and go to the other side. So who did you end up with? Who did you hook
up with? That's not going to be important. It's what you made of the relationship. If
you say, guess what, I didn't sleep around. Like most people, I was monogamous. I had
one partner, they're not going to be like, Oh my God, we have a holy person, they're gonna say, and
and you say, and, you know, I thought I liked them. But we got together state married, we
made it to 50 years and they're gonna, you know, they're not going to be like, Oh, my God, oh, my god. 50 years. Everybody
gather around all the angels. Come here. You know, know,
they're gonna say, yeah, and and you say, Well, what do you mean? And? And how was it?
Well, I don't know. We didn't really talk much. And, you know, why didn't you leave
if there was no communication, all because you have to stay married. When you're mad. They're not impressed, guys. They're gonna
say, What a moron get back to earth and hook up with a few extra people just to make up
for some last time. No kidding it a little bit. But it's true. They're gonna they're
not impressed with your false reasons for romance. They're gonna say, you know, was
there love? was their communication? was their maturity when things slipped it? Did you talk
about it? Yes, we did. Doesn't matter if your was your
10th partner. Your first did you talk about? Yes, yes, after nine others, I learned God,
you got to talk got to communicate all that's beautiful. And
then when strand strains and stresses came in, yeah, we practice forgiveness, it was
quite beautiful. You can even have a horse's ass, have a partner or a or a dad or a mom.
And you can still turn it into a holy relationship by saying, God, however, I got to this place.
This is a very treacherous kind of terrain, this relationship. And all I know is that
means that's how much greater of a trust you have in me to do something with it, not marry them, not stay with them, not stake
in their household if they're my parents, or whatever. But rather, I'm bringing it to
you, God is going to be as you could say, God's going to be like, wow, you had one of the most challenging relationships
that person could have. And you had the wherewithal to come to the altar, and set it on the altar,
and just say, instead of trying to show up yourself, look, God, I'm, I'm at the altar
here, ready to meditate again, and be all spiritual at my little Buddha statues, and
whatever. Instead of doing that, you're actually having the wherewithal to say, I didn't know
what to do with this relationship. So I'm bringing it here, I'm setting it on the altar,
and I'm saying helped me to see this person as the holy person they really are, doesn't
mean ignore the abuses, it doesn't mean stay with them. It means show me how, despite all the strange behaviors on the outside,
show me how to how to still see them as you see them God. And that's when all heaven freezes
for a moment, and shines light down into the heart of the person doing such a thing. And
you all of a sudden you thinking, God, all I did was bring my thoughts of this person
into my prayers and said here, you know, take them God, and let me see them as you see them.
It doesn't mean you're going to ignore abusive hurtful thoughts, words and deeds of theirs,
it means that despite even some of the rudeness, you're still willing to say, Well, you know,
because the rudeness, I think we're done, you know, and that's okay. But even though we're done, I'm still gonna
surrender this person to God, and hence a god, how would you have me see them? And God's
not going to say, move in, God's gonna say, Well, the first thing is, move out. That's
how you'd see them. As in my eyes, move out. I'm half joking, but move out. Secondly, I
want you to sit still, and be willing to see a light, deep, deep, deep inside of them.
It's deeper than their words, deeper than their behaviors deeper than their insecurities
deeper than their fearful actions, dT dt, keep going, keep going. I can't, I'm just
too distracted with all this junk, then why don't you step away from the altar, and go
and do some journaling and some counseling. Fair enough? That's very practical. But there's
a point where we can say out, you know, you're through the thorns, and the briars, and oh,
out all these memories of this person. And then wait, Where am I now? There's silence
where the thorns, there's none left. Wow, I think I got cut back there, didn't I, and then wounded
from some of that relationship, all the wounds are gone, where am I, you have entered a holy
instant, where all relationships of any kind, and any level healthy, unhealthy, whatever,
we're, all of them can be transformed. It might affect how you relate to the person
on the outside, it might not. We don't care about the outer circumstances, we care about
the inner state of being. And so Wow, right now, I would have to think hard to remember some
of the rude things. And you shouldn't try to think hard, I'm saying you would, you would
have to think hard to remember them. Because right now you're in the present. And in the present slash gift, I'm receiving the present, I'm receiving
a gift from God, Wow, this is amazing. And you start to realize, wait, I'm starting to feel love. I mean, I'm
my exercise here was about this one person, how could I be thinking about love while thinking
about that person, that's impossible. No, it's a miracle, and you're experiencing a
miracle. So you're unhealthy, and you're healthy relationships
all are to be brought to that place of a holy relationship. And, and it's meant to be for
all of them to be brought there. And in the meantime, sometimes in between the holy and
nuts are holy, you know, relationships, there's going to be, there's going to be human
stuff to deal with. So keep taking everything from the unhealthy to a healthy, place your
relationships, know when it's not going to happen, and accept it. But it can happen,
you only change what you can and accept what you can't. So then you might have to walk
away, I pray this is made sense and can help you
focus in some way or another. And remember, I don't want to just like lecture at you or
to you, I would like to think that you're learning that I'm teaching I guess. And and,
and I would like you all to imagine that you you are equipped with this, you don't just hear Michael channel it, in
a sense, teach it, I would like to think instead that you folks integrate it, you become it,
you don't have to have my mind, you have your own. And you heard it. If any of this makes
sense. And you believe it, then just start living it in your life. But also remember
it so you counsel it to other people, not preach it to others, your own kids, your friends,
you know, you could say, you know, there are a couple of different types of relationships.
Oh, there are, what do you mean? Well, there's unhealthy and there's healthy, you give a
little definition they go, I've never been so clear about where I am. Now, I understand
where I'm at. In this, I thought that if it was a sweet little puppy love naive, it was
going to stay like that forever. And now you're explaining that's actually just an infantile
stage of romance, or whatever, there's more waiting. But the more that's waiting is going
to take some maturing, so I'm, thank you, I'm going to go and talk to my partner. And,
and if they say, not interested in taking it to another level, I have to decide if I'm
going to carry it for both of us, which I shouldn't try to do, unless I'm really really,
you know, quite evolved. Or, or I can say, Wow, bummer that it can't grow to the next
level, you know, so there we go, I don't want to stunted relationship,
I want something that can move forward. And if it can't, great. And so in one little sentence or two
of yours to other people, you could change their lives. So just keep that in mind. And,
you know, I, I appreciate, you know, taking time to watch these programs. And, you know,
and remember some of its awkward I mean, it, it certainly can be I've navigated in my life relationships. Fortunately,
I can say I can't think of anybody that I've shared love, romance time, intimacy, or whatever
that I can say, I like have hatred for anything like that. And we should all be able to do
that. But some of us I know, have a harsher experience, even literally abusive, and, you
know, real experiences with our bodies and with people. So I'm not telling you to feel
like pseudo sweetness around that it's hurt, it's hurtful, it's, you know, hard to deal
with. So you just do your healing as best you can. I'm not saying I had sweet, perfect
stuff all the time, I'm saying that I can say that I can learn from certain things and
turn it into a positive and not just that it's always neat and wonderful. It's, I can
see, you know, lessons out of it. But, you know, share these things. Share intimacy with
people, where there's a love and respect and so on. Okay, as best you can we make mistakes.
I mean, you know, looking back in my life, I, I haven't had a lot of, you know, like,
one night stands and that sort of thing. It's kind of funny, because, you know, even as
a kid, one girl, I remember saying to me, I called her, you know, and it was something
we did, it was kind of silly, we, we just met, and we just something just happened.
And we clicked and we ended up being intimate. And I, I asked for her number. And she was shocked.
And I called her and she was more shocked what I didn't know. And this is what's important
about sharing time with people as a kid, you know, but, but I didn't know her pattern was
being used. So for me to ask for a number was a little bit of a miracle, but to call
was more. And then I actually shared a bit of a relationship with her because I was not
going to just accept a one night stand, nor to continue her pattern of being used. So
we had a, it was a long distance, because there were miles between us as kids. So we
can only get together now. And then. But on the phone, we talked and, you know, we were
we were good, intimate friends. And so I'm grateful that I wasn't grateful that I was able to make a mistake at a couple times in
my life with with giving into something like that. I know that, you know, you guys would
be forgiving and say, oh, Michael, we learned you know, for me, it wasn't cool. I didn't.
I didn't like being part of the problem, so to speak, on earth, where people make mistakes
and use each other. So the couple of times that I gave in to something
like that, it typically that it would thank God, it only happened a couple of times. But
when it did anytime in my life, I didn't dig it. And you know, and I wouldn't do it again, it would be my
comment, if I could do it again, for could go back to that moment, I wouldn't do it again.
But I'm grateful that for the most part, I had a nice conscience about things. And sometimes
it was a drag to have that conscience because it would keep me from having funded other
people had fun with drugs and other things. But I had a different mindset. So spiritual
perspective on romance, intimacy, partnership, sex, drugs, partying, whatever, the spiritual perspective
and not to judge and abstain from it all. It's more how to be in a state of grace. While
we go into those things. We make mistakes, forgive ourselves, learn what you can forgive
ourselves, and back and over and over, forgive, forgive, forgive ourselves, you know, so that's
something, you know, that we all have had to practice. So even the couple instances
that I had, you know, I could run into that same girl or somebody else from my history,
and we shouldn't really have a problem, being honest. And talking about those kinds of things.
Anybody that would come to me, I would have no problem talking to them about life. And,
you know, people from my past, like childhood era, I
mean, if somebody like that, look me up, found me and I got, I would be able to be able to
laugh and, and be playful about those memories, because there were silly things and I remember
her kind of giggling and you know, at this guy who called her and she said, God, You
sounded so nervous, so I must have just seemed like an idiot, you know, but I can laugh about
it, because of some of the things she said. And she just was like, yo, it's so cute. You
know, you're just like, I can't believe you're calling and you're so shy about and it was
just kind of, you know, kind of corny, but to be able to learn what we can do. It does
allow us to, to, sometimes not all the time maybe, but sometimes be able to laugh at some
of the things we've done and shared with people and romance. And the times we thought we were
in love. And it was just the shallow puppy love, or some of us have done the unhealthy
type, blatant, unhealthy, hateful type of love. And I'm grateful I didn't go that route.
But if you did, you just learn and move forward and then it doesn't have to come back to you
in another life. If you get it now, it's done. Believe it or not, so do what you can live
the healthy life the healthy romance the spiritual perspective in all areas of your life. God
bless you all, and peace be with you. And may the light of God shine into all your relations,
including your romantic relations. Okay, peace be with you. Bye bye.
