r/IDontWorkHereLady - Security Guy Thinks I Go To School, But, I'm 31 And Have Tattoos

welcome to our slash I don't work here lady where we share stories about folks that go into other businesses and have irate customers mistake them for employees and today's story is I don't work go to school here dude part one a bit about me I've always had one of those faces that doesn't indicate my age at 16 I easily passed for 18 to 21 much to the delight of my obviously not legal for booze and smokes friends at 30 I was often mistaken for being 17 or 20 even now in my mid-40s I have to haul out my ID to prove that I'm not inflating my age for stupid reason also I'm rather visibly tattooed I have between 17 and 23 tattoos currently depending on if you count my back piece is one tat or seven most of my ink is easily seen if I'm wearing a tank top and shorts I usually have my hair dyed medium to dark blue as well the first of these stories happened in 2005 so at the time I was in my early 30s you're not a high school student want to go on a date the year is 2005 it was a time of innocent halcyon days before the horrors that were to come sorry couldn't help myself at the time I was putting myself through school I was attending the oldest mortuary College in the country which shared space with the welding program at the local Community College in a Milwaukee suburb all the potentially flammable stuff in one building I guess I was also the basis for a metal band and dating a guy in a different band who were all located in Chicago this meant that on Wednesdays I'd get out of class drive to Chicago about an hour and a half drive one-way give or take traffic have dinner with my boy if possible go to rehearsal until 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. drive home to Milwaukee and pass out so I could be back at class the next morning by 7:30 a.m. on Fridays I would get out of class drive to Chicago drop my bags off at boy's house head to rehearsal then hang out with boy until Sunday night sometimes there were gigs scheduled for Friday or Saturday but I usually had Sunday to just chill do homework hang out and would head home around 10:00 p.m. my class schedule was normally full days Monday Wednesday Friday with one early class Tuesday and Thursday so I worked Monday nights and Tuesday and Thursday late morning tonight I love school holidays that fell on a Monday or Friday because that meant I could head to Chicago late Thursday night after work or head home early afternoon on Mondays before work and have extra time with my boy occasionally there was a rare Monday when my degree classes were canceled as there were only two professors teaching the entire program and they sometimes had to take days off in order to attend continuing education C classes in Wisconsin and Illinois you were required to attend 24 credit hours of C e every two years in order to keep your license current this happened on one of those rare profe related Monday's off my boys apartment was located half a block away from a school I think it was a middle school six to eighth grade or a high school ninth to 12 I honestly never paid much attention as school was almost never in session when I was there this usually meant I could ignore the Monday through Friday parking restrictions next to the school on days that school was in session parking on that street wasn't allowed between 2:00 to 5:00 p.m. again not usually a problem as I had to leave Chicago by 2 p.m. at the very latest in order to get home and get to work on time by 5:00 p.m. this particular Monday I was running a bit late due to some impromptu sexy times when my boy had come home for lunch he ran his own business so lunch could take as long as he pleased he went back to work while I took a quick shower grabbed my stuff and headed out I'm walking very quickly to my truck which is parked next to the school with my backpack and messenger bag over my shoulder and my base and sandals in my hands I was wearing Daisy Duke shorts a handkerchief top the tied around my neck and it crossed my back like a swimsuit top so all of my ink is clearly visible and I'm carrying my sandals as it was beastly hot that day and I hate wearing shoes until I have to I was hoping that I hadn't gotten a ticket already as it's 2:10 and they were usually waiting to write tickets at 1:59 my base is pretty long it's a Schechter extended drop bedevil tribal base for the gearheads and the only case that it would fit in was the longest coffin case in stock four or five feet or so it's pretty noticeable to say the least lastly I never walked past or entered school grounds so before all of this starts I am one very noticeably covered in tattoos to wear enclosed no school whatever allowed during classes three walking towards the school not away from it for getting into a truck with very obviously not Illinois license plates and five carrying things that are not standard for a middle or high school student to be carrying I get to my truck and see with really that there's no ticket I put my bass into the backseat along with my backpack put my messenger bag in the passenger seat and I'm walking around to the driver's side when I hear hey hey girl what do you think you're doing I ignore it because eh I'm already running late be they'll ticket you if you're standing next to but not actually in your vehicle and see there's no reason anyone would yell at me like that or so I think I open my door and I'm about to get in when someone grabs my arm and spins me around so my back is against my truck and I'm facing them the following conversation ensues skeezy security guard SSG me running really late and annoyed security guard what exactly do you think you're doing me going home security guard class isn't over for another hour me startled and not realizing what's happening yet I don't have class until tomorrow security guard ha ha very funny no one's allowed to leave early me what security guard nice try young lady I'm taking you to the front office so they can call your parents and tell them what you're trying to do note at this point my parents lived in Alaska which is three hours behind CST I always thought it was four hours hence my reply me dude it's 10 a.m. where they are and they couldn't care less what I'm doing right now security guard we'll see about that this is gonna be detention if not suspension for you trying to skip class if you hadn't wanted to get caught you shouldn't have parked here me finally getting the idea whoa I don't go to this school security guard oh so you're skipping out on another school huh I can still turn you in and call your parents me dude I'm 31 and I live in Milwaukee I don't go to school here security guard if you're gonna lie you should try to make it believable this is just adding to the trouble you're gonna be in are you waiting for someone that goes here at this point he has my arm and it's trying to yank me away from the truck and towards the school I hang on to my door and dig my heels in me shouting I'm an effing adult and you let go of me or I'm calling the cops security guard you'll do what me look here F oh I'm not a student here I don't even live in Chicago I live and go to college in Milwaukee let me the F go now I yanked my arm out of his hand and bunched my keys up in my fist he's looking angry but then I can see comprehension finally dawning in his eyes security guard wait you're not a student me no Sh Sherlock the tattoos the Wisconsin license plates do i effing look like a high school student and now I'm gonna be late for work a whole security guard then why are you here show me some proof I dig my license out of my wallet and hand it to him me I'm parked here because I'm visiting my boyfriend not that that's any of your GD business and if you don't knock this Sh off right this incident officer jack I'll explain to the front office about you harassing random women on the sidewalk when you should be working security guard while handing me back my license you really aren't a student huh me no and now I'm even later thanks for that a-hole I turned to get into my truck sit down close the door and he taps on the window as I start the engine I roll it down me what what the f do you want now security guard while staring very obviously at my skimpy table I'm sorry that I thought you were a student so to make up for it why don't you give me your number and the next time you're in town I'll take you out for a drink and stuff me what the f heck no you I immediately threw my truck into gear and drove off it took almost the entire way home before I stopped fuming about the whole thing luckily I wasn't late to work but I got there with just a minute to spare after that I only parked on that street if I was leaving by Sunday night part two this happened in late spring of last year my high school-aged stepson was having a lot of issues transitioning from his old small farm community high school to his new big suburban high school so I was at the high school once or twice a week to talk to his counselor Dean teachers etc on this particular day I was at the high school to talk to his counselor it was rather hot but nice out so I had decided to walk to Walgreens first grabbed a monster and some smokes then head back around to the school for the appointment I was wearing capri jeans and a tank top no bag or purse so the smokes were tucked into my front pocket and all my tattoos were clearly visible I had come in through the visitor door gotten my visitor passed from the badge lady and began walking down the hallway to the other end of the school to the counselor's office I didn't have a lanyard with a student ID a requirement for all students at all times while on school property just the paper pass stuck to my tank top while I'm walking the pack of smokes works its way out of my pocket and falls on the floor I was walking fast enough that I had gone several steps past where it fell before I realized it so I turned around scooped the pack off of the floor stuck it in my back pocket turn back around and kept going I hadn't noticed the teacher coming out of a different hallway until won't listen PE teacher PE T frustrated stepparent me secretary SC police officer P o deans D 1 and D 2 PE teacher hey what did you just pick up me my smokes sorry I didn't mean to drop them PE teacher where did you get those me Walgreens PE teacher the one over there how dare they me confused um ok I paid for them at this point I turn and continue to walk down the hall towards the counselor's office PE teacher storms over to me grabs my arm and starts dragging me back towards the dean's office PE teacher just where do you think you're going you're skipping class and have an illegal pack of smokes where's your ID we're going to the Dean me excuse me I'm here to see the counselor I'm a parent not a student let me go PE teacher grabs the pack out of my pocket and crushes them in his hand do you think I'm stupid you're a parent right like I'd fall for something so obviously a lie continues to drag me by my arm me now I'm peeved hey I just bought those let go of me you owe me a new pack I shake him off spin around and step up into his face me fine you want to go to the dean's office let's go how dare you grab me yell at me call me a liar and take my smokes if this is how you treat parents I hate to think how you treat students I storm off back to the front office with PE teachers step behind me sputtering about how I'm going to be suspended for talking back to him etc I bang through the door loud enough that the front office secretary who has the same unusual first name as me looks up from talking to the officer on campus PE teacher comes in the door behind me secretary hey la Petite what's up police officer hey mrs. Mort what's up is h/ss ok something happened me hi la petit police officer this jackée stopped me grabbed my smokes and crushed them then tried to physically drag me down the hall I'm speaking angrily and loud enough that Dean wanted Dean to come out of their offices to see what's going on PE teacher this student was skipping class had contraband on her and then talked back to me which one of you is her Dean write her up she's trying to insist she's a parent of all things he's brandishing my crush pack of smokes while saying this Dean won and Dean - who is Hsss Dean secretary and police officer look at PE teacher then at me me see he grabbed me and destroyed my property Dean one turns to PE teacher and slowly says PE teacher she's a parent she's HSS his stepmom I think he's in your second period class PE teacher looks at police officer and secretary who not in confirmation then back at me still fuming PE teacher uh sorry me and you owe me eight bucks for the pack of smokes you've trashed now PE teacher flinches takes cash out of his pocket hands it to me me next time maybe you should pay attention to who it is you're grabbing before you take their sh and try to drag them somewhere I won't count and stomp to the counselor's office still irritated I found out later from police officer that the deans dragged him into the principal's office and yell at him for a bit since then every time I see him at the school he turns around and walks the opposite direction and I always end up talking to the other PE teacher during parent-teacher conferences the next story is woman yells at 13-year old for not waiting on her at a restaurant just a little background info I'm 13 years old and I'm 6 - skinny and look like I'm in high school because I have a decent beard and mustache so I look a lot older than my friends also I live in a pretty high-end neighborhood so we have a few entitled nuisances around so I'm at a somewhat nice restaurant with my friends let's call them 1 2 & 3 and just about to go see a new movie that's coming out so friend once says that he's thirsty so I offer to get him a soda he says thanks so I go get one for him when I come back I get my friend his soda and all four of us enjoy ourselves for about five minutes enter entitled lady who's at least 40 looks like she's had at least five plastic surgeries and is your stereotypical dumb blond entitled lady hi um aren't you supposed to be working me no what do you mean entitled lady don't be stupid I saw you serving that boy right there points at Fran one I tell her I'm not an employee but at this point entitled lady loses her marbles I can tell she doesn't want to take no for an answer and starts going absolutely ballistic entitled lady listen here you effing entitled B you're only a high schooler working for minimum wage your parents probably are broken or working as janitors at this point friend to leaves to the bathroom distraught and friend three goes to see if he's okay so at this point it's me entitled lady and friend one friend one is also a decent-size he's five seven but around 130 pounds and buff this is important later friend one stands up obviously losing his patience and the lady starts to act as if he's assaulting her I stand up to then the entitled lady starts screaming that an insane man is attacking her note that anyone could tell friend one was only 13 or 14 at the most the manager comes over with two employees in tow as the commotion has caused the entire side of the restaurant to turn their attention our way the manager then proceeds to hear entitled ladies Horace story about how his worker and a madman were attacking her I could see that the manager knew that this was all untrue as everyone was appalled at the lady he informed the entitled lady that she should never make a scene like this in his restaurant again and started chewing her out for it she then pointed at friend 1 and started opening her mouth the manager then boldly says not a word out I then thank the manager and he said not a problem and that our food was on him for the inconvenience we didn't let that ruin our night and we went on to have the most fun night ever thanks for listening bye

Channel: /Start

Views: 184,405

Rating: 4.7206173 out of 5

Keywords: i dont work here lady, r/idontworkherelady, reddit stories, i dont work here, best of reddit, funny, stories, daily reddit, i dont work here reddit, Reddit Cringe Stories, karen, rstart, IDontWorkHereLady, reddit top posts, I DON'T WORK HERE LADY, IDWHL, idwhl reddit, from Reddit, STORIES from Reddit, r/ i don't work here lady, r/idontworkherelady Fired From, I work, SECURITY GUY, SCHOOL, GUY THINKS, I'M 31, employee, customer

Id: 36daFyT8OQk

Length: 14min 28sec (868 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 24 2019