- Hey everybody, quick announcement. Hi, it's announcement Jarvis. I have merch. I have new merch. I know this is a little
wrinkly, I washed it. There's new merch, it's this. We've got this as well. The reason I bring this up, you may have heard me show this off or talk about it already, is because there are pre-orders because we sold out of the initial run, and there are pre-orders
going on right now. Today's Monday, they're
happening until Wednesday at 11:59 p.m., so Thursday at midnight. I just wanted to let you know because after that everything's gone. So pre-order is available at jarvis.store. Now the video. Hello and welcome back
to Jarvis Johnson! Gold. - Gold!
- The premium channel, that is free, it is free, but if you're watching
this, you're premium. And today I'm joined
by a very special guest who didn't show up, so they're not coming. And now my dog's upset. - Oh! - Jordan? What the **** are you? - Do you know there are
aliens in your bathroom? - Yeah, I did actually. This is pretty awkward
that I never told you that. - Why have you been recording remotely? - Personal space.
- Oh, okay. - To be honest. - Jordan's here, nobody discuss it. Let's not talk about. - Let's not get into the details. Is it real? Are you dreaming? Yes, you're unwell.
- Is it a very complicated green screen? - Maybe, do we look good? Phase through you.
- Maybe, yeah. So here's the deal, everybody. So here's the deal, so here's the deal, so here's the deal.
- I'm doing the deal, is that what we're doing right now? - So here's the deal.
- Oh thank you. - Today, we had no plan. So I think that what is
the most natural to us, what our hearts were calling to, is to revisit a channel
that we first encountered many moons ago. - I see it in the sky. - Ugh!
- It's the land of Zeffo. I don't even think that
people remember this. - Genuinely, how long has it been? - Probably, I don't know,
- 2 1/2 plus, yeah. - like 2019 or something like that? - Yeah, that's, oh my god, that's actually gross.
- Yeah. - Back when everything was really good. - Everything was chill.
- Yeah. - So today we're talking about 123 GO! We don't know what's
been happening over there so we're gonna find out. - It's bad still. I think is the get- - You don't know that for sure. - You're right, and I'm wrong. - Yeah, so.
- Fire away. - Check your privilege, mister. - My b. - All right, so what do we have here? - Oh, I'm a famous YouTuber by the way. - Oh!
- In case you weren't familiar with my work, I taught
him everything he knows. - Oh! - Funniness wise. So if any of the jokes are bad, that was when I didn't have, that's not one of the ones that I said. - Okay.
- And so are my bad ones, if mine's bad, that was your idea. And when mine's good... - It was my idea. - No, mm. - I don't know what's become of 123 GO! I think they do a lot of like
rich people, broke people, tall people, short
people, hacks for school. "I got adopted by a billionaire family." It's an hour long. Okay, we're not watching that today. - What is it, it's like a narrative piece? - I don't know. - Can we watch 30 seconds of it? I wanna see how it works.
- Okay, let's start. Let's start. - What on Earth, honey look! This poor girl was found in a trash can. - She doesn't have any parents? - I would love to be talking
about a regular story, but this little girl that
we found in a trash can won't shut up. - Is trying to maim me.
- Yeah. And she's got a little
goatee drawn on her face. What was that about? - She's feral. - Yeah.
- So she's grown a goatee. - I mean, as anyone with a goatee knows. - This poor girl was found in a trash can. - What I'm concerned about is the pacing of this video being an hour. Is it literally going to be like this for the entirety of the video? I almost called it a movie. - It's a compilation, right? It must be. - Oh. - It must be like, I got adopted
- I didn't consider that - by a billionaire.
- for a second. - That's the, ooh, ooh! Is cool and funny situations
and hacks in every title, or is that their get out of jail free for this part is 10 minutes long, and then it's like, here's
a bunch of bullshit? - I think, yeah, they do the
five minute crafts thing, where it's like, 13 cleaning hacks, and it's 45 minutes of
like a grilled cheese made out of an iron. - Did you know that you can
use vase for, basically, you can put anything in it. - And if you take a Coke
bottle and you cut it in half, you can like, I don't know, eat cereal out of it or whatever.
- Yeah, you got two halves, give it to a friend. - You know how you drink
Coke and don't have bowls? - Also this little girl found in a trashcan is breaking news. - It's breaking news.
- It's a big deal. - No, but literally it's
because she's breaking things. - Oh right.
- With her giant clown shoes. - Kind of, see it. - She's a little bit drift
out if I'm being honest. - This little girl is raw steez. - Yeah. - This little girl is
dripped up and drinked out. - She doesn't have any parents? She's up for adoption? Hello? We'll take her, yes. - Is that the same? Wait, that was the same voice, right? - Yeah. - Very compatible couple. - Also the best adoption
story I've ever seen. - Quick.
- Hello, we'll take her. - Yeah, fuck it.
- Yes. - Do you want details
about, no, not at all? - Yeah. - Okay, criminal back, nothing? - But she has a goatee, right? Like, it's drawn on there by a Sharpie? - Like a feral child. - Oh, and big old clown shoes. - She'll beat my ass. She'll attack me. - Well that sounds like breaking news. - Our baby is here. - Wow. - You can call me Mommy.
- Nah, you're all right. - Welcome home sweetheart. - Mm, chocolate. - Hey, do you wanna change her clothes? - This is like, yeah.
- Washed her face but left her in her rags. - Hey guys, you consider washing
your trash child's clothes? - As a billionaire family.
- Yeah. I got adopted by a billionaire family and they didn't do anything for me. - Yeah, I got adopted
by a billionaire family and they live in this IKEA showcase. - Yeah. - I'm saving this, or maybe not. I need some new clothes. - Maybe ask your billionaire parents. - Wow, I could stare at
those brown eyes forever. He's just so cute. I could watch these for hours. - This seems a little problematic 'cause she's got photos of him on her, wait.
- Found ya. - Hold on. - That you're watching? Kevin's TikTok again, huh? Ta-da! I found Kevin. - Oh. - Yep, it's really neat. Here, I hear you like chocolate. - Yo, fist bump. Actually, it's my AirPods, look at that.
- Whoa! - Hey. - Gah! - Look, I look just like you now. - My makeup. - Am I in trouble? I knew this wouldn't last long, back to the garbage hunting life I go. - Wait, is she being kicked
out for using the makeup? - Can you forgive me? - Accidents happen, sweetheart. We'll always love you. - I'm disappointed.
- Okay. Hold on. - Even if you have a bucket
drum kit, by the way, I don't think it works as a cymbal. - Hey, I don't know, dude. I think that you can be creative. - Give me some ride. - Ouch! - Did she just hit herself
in the head with a drumstick? - Uh, quite throwing
heavy stuff, it hurts! - It hurts! - It hurts. Stop throwing, why are
the kids allowed to do, this is at an orphanage, right? This is why the- - Or like, what is the world we live in where people are throwing
shit at Orphans Got Talent? - What are the items also? They throwing IPAs, what was that? - Yeah, I know.
- Want your kids throwing some craft beer.
- All right, let's look. Okay, so we got, oh my god, she just got hit in the
fucking face with a giant can. - Oh dude, it bounced off the bucket and hit her in the face.
- Oh my god, dude. - That's awesome. - That's a triple point combo. He's like, watch this, I'm gonna bank this over the fucking bucket and hit this poor orphan in the face. - That little X that comes up when you get a hit in "Call of Duty." - Oh, oh, oh! - You know billionaires,
we all know billionaires. - Sure, yeah. - Famously they have gold bars
on their main coffee table. - Know what's the most
valuable material of all? Fake wool.
- Fake wool. And the scales of justice or
whatever the fuck this is. - They're lawyers or
something, billionaire lawyers. - Wait, what is this actually called? I just remember they were
like a millennium item in "Yu-Gi-Oh!" or something. Millennium scales, hold on. - Dude, shut up. - Let's jam, Dad. - But that's not Mozart. - Dad, why aren't you rocking out? - You know, it's not that bad. I actually like, yeah. Are you ready? - It does feel like it takes a lot, it takes a lot to film these. They've got like different sets. - This is a fever dream. - Yeah.
- This one in particular is like-
- Oh. - Pick whatever you want. - So exciting! Ooh, I want these. - Wait, was that iPhones? - If you really want them, fine. - Whatever, take 'em.
- Ah, screw it. - Who needs 'em?
- Ugh. I'm an Android man. - Bag them up. - I think he's rich, he's
got money in his, hold up. This is not an American currency. What is that in his pocket? - Are those Euros? - That's the most, I don't even think that's Euros. We got the new edition of UK
fiver in my pocket right now. - Aye. - It's got a kind of film to it. - Yeah, yeah. - As a pre-warning to anyone, boy does the man get
pissed when you roll 'em up in a clip, and they have
to procedurally unroll them and look you dead in the eyes. - Can't forget the gold. - Yeah, wait, you know, when
you go to the Apple store and you buy bars of gold. - I just wanna gonna
grab a little extra gold. - I'm gonna run another store
and grab a few bars of gold. Do you want anything? - Wait, was his beard always drawn on? - Yes, but it wasn't this bad. - That was convincing before. - They had to redraw it on. This is how you know it's a different day. Their main makeup person
was like, I called in sick. They were like, I guess
we have a Crayola marker. - Yeah. - Our first family portrait. Looking good. - Hey, I have an idea. - What are you doing? - Doesn't this feel better? - I love it, it's perfect. Smile! - Aw, that's kinda cute. Wait, this is- - Was that interactive? - This is overwhelming. Completely unnecessary, this... Let me take a little aside. Hey Travis.
- Yeah, what's up? - Is this good? I'm a little concerned that
this might be kind of good? - I think it's camp, actually.
- It's kind of sick. - They don't do the narrative
building that they used to. Cause they'll be like,
Sandra's having a bad nail day. And then she's like, I
always break my nails. - Oh, my fingers are gonna fall off. - Right, ladies? And they would do that. - Right, other human
women that aren't lizards? - Okay. So this is "Long Legs
vs Short Legs Problems." - What's wrong? - Quit it! - It's tall girl.
- It's tall girl. - Yeah.
- Three. - You should look behind you. We got a problem here? - Why is she, why does
her eyes look like that? Why'd they do that to her makeup. - She's tall, it's the thin oxygen. - Do you think they
actually got a tall person, or do you think that
they're just using like, "Lord of the Rings" perspectives? - Like a forced perspective.
- Forced perspective. - It's like a super tight lens, and she stood on Peter Jackson's back. - Yeah, this girl is one foot tall, based on this. - She's in a hole, they dug a hole. - They literally dug a
hole, she's on her knees. - What? No, no problem. I just really like the bang, that's all. I'll just be running away if that's okay. - Quick moment of wisdom for
all the bullies out there. Always remember to carry a redemption rose just in case a tall girl catches you, always have the backup
rose to make it seem like it was a romantic gesture.
- They'll never see it coming. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - And make sure to pet the small girl. - To show that you're friends. - To show that she's your pet. - Good video, Jarvis. - Thanks so much! - Happy to help. - So close. - She might be huge. - She's... - She's kinda tall though. - It's a great day for a picnic. I'm looking forward to this. Branches are getting everywhere. You-
- Okay, so this is a tall, this
is a long leg problem. - Uh-oh, oopsie daisy. - Yeah, I always get shit in my hair, especially now. - I'm always, is it a tall leg problem to be able to take down a bully though? - No, that's a tall leg, tall leg? Long leg solution. - It's a tall leg solution, actually. - Yeah. - This looks like a good spot. Mm tasty. - You've got your Jalapeno
Pringles, your bananas, your apples, your oranges, and it's not complete
without your Granatapfel. - Sit down, relax. This is- - She cracks the ground. - The dust billows from under her legs. - Also now, the illusion's
been broken by the way, 'cause that, not much taller than her. - Actually nice. That feels good. - Oh 'cause she's closer to the sun. - It's getting hot, uh, my back-
- Wait. When you have short legs, you sweat more? - This is the perfect day. Maybe I spoke too soon. It'll be fine. - It'll be fine. - Wait, what, pause, pause, pause, pause. How is this gonna play
in the tall vs short? - She's gonna get struck by lightning, 'cause she's like, 'cause she's so tall. She's like a lightning rod. - Quick! We need to go. Run, the lightning won't- - Oh!
- Oh! What the fuck? I can't believe it. By the way, this activity
is performed by actors in a control... - "This activity is performed by actors in a controlled and safe environment, and has been made for
entertainment purposes. Please use caution if
you plan to replicate." - Noted, dude. This might be, and I have to wipe these
videos from my memory so I can sleep at night, this might be the most deranged thing we've ever seen in one of these. - That is so funny. - It's truly mental. - I do love, I do think
that we've just witnessed kind of the formula for these videos, which is riff what the joke is gonna be and then do it for real. - Do it for real, that's
the writing process, right? - Yeah, the writing process. - Hit me will it? - Are you okay? - Oh my god, it gave her thick hair. - Yeah, now she's got thick hair problems. - Thank you, how does that look? - Better. - Oh, it is a thick hair problem. Dude, this is unreal. - Do we even say anything at this point? It feels like the show's ahead of us - They're one step
- at every step. - ahead of us, yeah. We like literally start making
unreasonable predictions. - We have to keep betting
on what's gonna happen next. - Come on, let's go home. - Ha, ha. Or the ER. - Mm, candy, that tastes so good. - Is this the tall girl?
- Yes. - Ah. - Ouch, what was that? - What the hell? Why is so much of this grievous injury? - Ah! - It does happen in cartoons. Think about this, I was
watching SpongeBob the other day and there's so much grotesque
injury in cartoons like that, that maybe that's what they're going for but they're doing it for
real, which is nasty. That's why we don't do that for real. - Yeah, I would like to say it's why I'm constantly afraid and paranoid, but I think that's actually
just the chemical composition of my shitty brain. - Well, it's why I never wanna
step outside when it rains, 'cause I'm afraid I'll
get stuck by lightning. - Get in there. - Oh, see, that's why you
keep a dentist at home. - When I got this apartment, I got talked out of having a dentist. - Foolish, it's an upfront
investment for sure, you have to pay for medical school, and you have to wait seven
years, but it is worth it long term, dude. Tell you what, you can eat as
many hard candies as you want. - Lesson learned. - Doesn't help you with lightning strikes. - Yet! - I think the fact- - Can I get my teeth replaced with rubber? - I wanna ground myself.
- Yeah. - But- - I'm going to enjoy this. It'll hurt.
- Ah! - What happened to the rest of it, dude? - Yeah, I guess he's
he's pulled them all out. - Okay. - Or maybe this is some sort
of next level grill situation. - Yeah, she looks kinda sick. - No, her mouth looks like a grill, like it's all black.
- Oh right, no. - A lot. - Nope, no way! - Just go, grow up, it'll be okay. - Me trying to take my dog outside. - This is such a thick hair problem. - That's what I was thinking. - What I'm afraid of the dentist. - Yeah. - Here I come! - Please don't hurt me. - This should be easy. - See ya! - Get back here! - Oh! - We didn't need to guess 'cause we would've gotten it wrong. - Yeah, so this kind of goes back to, is it thin thick hair or
is it long short hair? But then the brush thing
was a thick hair problem. - Well... - Ah! Wait. - You put 'em back in. - Wow, thanks for putting
my fake nail extension back in my mouth. - Was that it? You're a miracle worker. - You're welcome. - Oh, he gave her his teeth. - But only one of them, he had one huge tooth. - Ah.
- Like a mole. - Like a cartoon, like how there's no discernible teeth.
- Monty Mole. - Yeah. - One for you and you. - Pause. What is this one, front to back, go. Everybody else pause, comment. What is this one, front to
back, I want the whole thing. - Like the whole plot of this?
- I want the whole plot of this short. - I didn't know we had a test. Did you? We're going to fail. - This is such a thick hair problem. - Thick head problem. - Hold on, he left the
answers on the desk. - Okay, so she's Mister Fantastic. - Okay, cool. So this is powers. It's powers versus powers. - Or it's like you're so freakishly tall that you have long limbs. - Guilty. - Got them, shh. - And he didn't notice. And also the paper is
smaller than it was before. - I'll hide them with my hair. - Dude, they're like The Avengers. - It's funny, it almost seems like she, because she did the long arm
thing and her thing is hair. - Yeah.
- You could have just covered it with your hand, but it's like, well you're not the
only special one, okay? - Yeah, I'll suck it up with my hair. - All right. - Oh, call. No cheating, hi, Mommy. - Hi, Mommy.
- Hi, Mommy. - Now's your chance. We're gonna pass. - Hurry up, he's coming back. I'll slow him down. - Jesus. - Doors stuck, let me in! - Oh man, that guy's
strong, did you see that? He could wobble that
entire polystyrene wall. - Yeah. - This guy's tough.
- It's not a sound stage, that's a real door. - He starts bumping into it and then a stage light falls down. - Oh my god. - Uh huh! No, the bell. - Great test, sir. - Great test, sir.
- Banger test, dude. That was sick. - What a fucking dope-ass test. I felt like my knowledge
was assessed adequately. - One of the best. - So easy. - I know. - Ah! Mommy, help! - He's got a whole Mommy situation. - Are they taking him? - Is this not the plot to take him? - What is happening? - I have a very particular set of skills, mostly-
- Demoted my teacher. - Yeah, mostly surrounded by
fine control of my thick hair. - 'Cause all these powers
came from radiation, right? - Right, from the lightning strike. - From the, oh yeah. - Now for some pampering. I'll dry my hair quickly. That's better. - That's like one of Piccolo's powers. - No, he's just bald. - That's true. So you never see it, dude. - That's any bald persons power. - You know when he makes clothes for- - Thick hair versus no hair problems. - How did you do that? I'm gonna try. - Careful. - She like whips it around and then like strangles her, yeah. Cuts her head clean off. - The teacher is still attached to it. - Mommy! - Mommy! - Hey, it didn't work. - If this was "Matrix"
four, I would believe it. - I'd be sold, yeah. - Was close. I spoke to soon. - Oops, did I get you? - It's a blow dryer, but a gun also. - Jesus.
- Boom. - Oops, did I get you? - Actually, whoa, what the hell? I'm sorry, dude. Okay, you are funny actually. Mommy! - This is more like it. - I won't be much longer. - Look, I graduated, hey! - I graduated first place. - Oh sleepy. - Please don't cry,
little ones, it's okay- - Is she like going through-
- I'm sorry you're not real. - Yeah, is she going
through the stages of life? - Yeah, dude. - Or did she just, when she was off screen call someone to have
those adoptive children delivered to her.
- Those are orphans. Yeah, they found 'em in the trashcan. - Here, I- - Almost thought she died. I thought she died. - That almost looks like my new merch. - Oh no, by the way, unrelated. - Aye.
- It's been out for probably a couple of weeks.
- And it's already sold out, I hope.
- Eek. Shop it onto my body. Damn I look good. - Photoshop it onto eh, eh. - Drape me. Imagine I'm wearing this. I'm so comfortable.
- Wow! - Wow! - Say something, that's
my hair finally dry. - Genuinely terrifying actually. - Yeah. - That's what her bones look like when she got shocked by lightning too. - When she survived just fine. - Wow, the party looks great. - Oh, dude. I love the clothes. It's my party time. - Wanna play a party game? You have to pick up the
apple with your mouth. - Wow, fun.
- Bobbing for a single apple. - That's fun, dude. - Too easy. - Too easy.
- Too easy. - I've got it. Okay, spin. Keep going, impressed? - Did they lose the knowledge of braids. - The written text, yeah.
- Yeah. - I feel so chique. We should have thought of this- - That's cheating. Can't pick it up by the stem. - Hair is getting in the way. Mm, these noodles are good. Hold up.
- Ouch! Did you just eat my hair? - See you don't have nerve endings in it. Ouch!
- Wait, I guess you do when you have powers. - Yeah, oh, it's like a dog whisker. You're gonna feel it. - It's too long. Cut it! - That's it. You asked for it, charge! - Oh, I've been waiting for this. - Dude, long leg problem right now. - Dude, this is for real. - I feel a little upset that the long leg discussion was kinda cut short. We didn't get a lot of long leg content. - I mean now look, just look
at, she has the high ground. - Oh good point, yeah. You are my brother. - Take that! - Ouch! Is that all you've got? - Dude, fuckin' expelliarmus type beat. - This is kinda good.
- Yeah. - Oh no you don't! I can't believe you did that. - Wow! You look amazing. - She's like got a hand mirror holstered to her utility belt. What a disarming thing. Wait a second, I love it. - I look incredible.
- Do the other side. - I'm gonna bite your hair again. - We should be hair stylists. I can't wait to show this off. - That's kind of a hack. Make your hair look like trash hack. - Make your hair look like trash hack. - Long or short, it doesn't matter if it's hair or height, we're all different. Can you relate to any of these problems? Let us know in the comments below. - Share the comments. - Yeah, like, can you relate
to any of these problems? - Jarvis, share the comments right now. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. "I love this video, it
actually makes me laugh." - That's, they didn't, they
asked if you can relate, who can relate? - Who can relate? - No one, apparently. "I love videos when it's about tall people or short people." Just people. - Oh my God, yeah.
- Everyone in the world. - I love when we address
the spectrum of height. "The hair was funny, I
like how she got shocked like a cartoon character." - We also enjoyed that, actually. - We did, yeah. Hold on, again. I love videos when it's about, hold on! - Wait, what the hot? - Wait a second. - It's real is the thing,
it's definitely real. - Whoa! - "I don't feel like it's 123GO anymore because it's all different from old. The voiceover changes,
the character changes, and barely see old ones
like helly and Vicky." - Based. Based!
- That is a based take. - Okay, everybody, thanks
again for joining us here on Jarvis Johnson. - Do you want... - Thanks to Jordan for
finally leaving my bathroom. - No problem, it's scary in there. I was there for two years. - All right, well back to it you go. - Are you serious?
- Bye. - Can I finish the, I would love to- - Stay gold, everybody. - I'll leave the apple.
