Ricky Gervais - Stand Up, Small Talk, Prostate Exams - Jim Norton & Sam Roberts

yes Ricky has come and Ricky it's good to see you Rick just before we we were just talking in the bed when the break was ending about you did shoot your special and how hard it is to shoot the special then go out and you torque is now all the shows after are even better because that whoa is they get better anyway you think of little things you revisit it you're relaxed because you know where that's in the can yeah and then you start thinking ah we shot a tape that night I wish a tape tonight but then it'd be the same because I've never I've never taped a special when it was probably the best gig of the tour you know it's written out how can you do that yeah it's in the ballpark it's fine it's good so one of the better ones I think so I think so and I did it at the end of a longer the longest run you know I did it at the end of like 14 in London so it's there yeah but um you just are you just act differently when you're being filmed you're being observed yeah you think it did I do that was that fast or slow was that slower it was that good was that wasn't you know and anyone else they couldn't tell the difference but the only way to do it is to film everyone and not be told someone's filming it yeah then you then you got all you film tonight Oh tonight was amazing thank God I know wondering where that guy was either he was trying to shoot me that was a camera he was holding on it unless you get really egotistical and you put out a DVD boxset of the entire tour yes because you like there's little differences that I yeah everybody should see all the shows that's a great idea yeah I've done 28 Netflix special 28 specials this year hey when you are the worst when you start writing tag lines for stuff that's already been shot or were you started improving on bits like that's the worst do you film that you can't redo it all of a sudden you think of like another minute a half for a bit you know like Alf I wouldn't it feels old I already think I'm still I'm talking about stuff that are without you know a year ago but actually because the stuff I deal with isn't isn't that topical it isn't stuff that happened yesterday it's sort of you know big iconic things I don't think it will date right as much you know if you do a topical show and the more topical summer is the more it dates they don't know you know so you know when you're dealing with aids famine the Holocaust you know those things last yeah thank God for that with the comedy they're endless they're always good Hitler is what's known as evergreen I did I did Berlin and I got a big Hitler bit I always have and there's always someone new to say about and I started it and it was Berlin and I went let's talk about Hitler and it went better than anywhere else really knows because they go all good someone's not skirting the issue someone's not packed like I think people think they're going to bring a girl almost and talk about hip though he's probably a bit of a hero they're like a lot of the Nazi stuff is totally illegal like you'd like wait huh you can't do the Hitler salute with us what did you reason I stopped taking the piss out of Hitler because you know you have the night to hail a cab yeah I know I did it and it's in context and but it's a whole generation it's it's like you are you still embarrassed by Nixon cause you're not enough something Nixon you go okay dude it still hurts but you know let's not bring up it cares Nixon he ever did Nixon wasn't quite your you shouldn't feel guilty about the deeds of your forefathers you know you should acknowledge them and but um it's it's not you know you did with these people weren't born it's all your fault no although we are still very sensitive about slavery in the United States yeah that's one of those topics that are like if you're gonna joke about slaver you gotta be really really careful Wow yeah no that's true of any sort of terrible thing that happened you should be careful but when you say we you mean collectively you as a as a historic government you don't mean you see how these people are employees exactly you know so yeah but yeah I was my favorite tour it's nearly over my favorite to all my favorite special easily we have you back on the road or do you like to like relax I honestly can't wait I can't wait for this to be over because I've already got a bag of ideas my next one and that's never and you know because I consider myself a stand-up now you know it took 15 years to get good that shouldn't be a revelation but it does it took me 15 years to you know surprise surprise what are you already starting the new material you can start yeah how I want to yeah for the first time ever I've started making notes as well for like 20 years if I come up with something funny that me it would just go you know I didn't write it down and dictaphone I don't um and then come the time I better do a special I say you know what have I said that's funny so yeah I've already got like I could go out and do you know a warm a 10-minute warmup um but I just can't wait why don't you hire a guy just to film you like with a GoPro and that will hire someone just to write down the stuff you say like not to improve on and or fix it but just to jot down the trace you have like mostly now I do it now I do a send a little email to myself and I've got a little bag of things so I I do do it and it's you know it's it's really light and I don't want to write it because I think that's what I did with the first four specials I sort of wrote them like an Edinburgh show or a lecture or something and then went and sort of did them like an actor and with humanity I wandered out on the stage with a couple of things written on the back of my hand and it you might arrive at the same place but the process is different is more organic and it's really and it I think it I just think it resonates more I think you can tell the difference my memory stinks that I have to I talked up into my iPhone all the time my memory is so bad that I look at my phone go I forgot this i forgot that like i forget half my stuff it's just one it's usually one idea but then this is the biggest revelation i found out if you spend a hundred hours write in something you've still got to do it it don't give you it doesn't give you any advantage right whereas if you spend 100 hours practicing something in front of an audience that is gonna fly you could start with and after a hundred hours of just saying it and you know cut into the laughs you'll have a great show whereas you don't know when you write something you still got to be you know it's it's to be performed you spend all those hours writing and writing and reading okay it's finally ready and then you get up in front of an audience and it sucks what it won't it won't work right great is the greatest jokes ever written done the first time are not as good as pores jokes done a hundred times and honed and they're just it's just not you can laugh at the concept and you know there's something there but it's it's it's the it's being ring fit it's the you know your eye on the ball is its it is practice you it's hard like I to keep the emote like I had in my apartment flooded recently stars talking about on stage and for the first unite because I still had the emotion attached to it I was all up about it I was nervous about it and it rang true yeah then it's like two weeks later I had to chop it down a little cuz some parts of it I just couldn't muster up the energy to pretend this is real well I can do that and but it's still when it first happens the first time we say somewhat like an ad-lib right the next night you try and do it's not as good but then it gets you can get it as good again by just you know you've got a trust I think you've gotta trust the words and the practice it's like a science it either works oh it doesn't yeah I turn in that trusted yeah I know you mean I've got that guilt thing I think if I'm am i lying they can like enough I can feel guilty that I've lied to them so I try and get more and more honest that's what I do know it's like if the laughs is coming from a lie you're cheating yeah yeah and I have cut out like jokes that you know that are obviously lies or surreal or something because I don't think the true stories aren't true right right so when I say some it's true it really is the obvious lies feel embarrassing they're like the ones that like you know I was doing there something like think you were you know when you can really tell that as well it's when um comedians who use writers right where they go so I was on that no you won't I can tell already you want yeah I can tell already they wanna look at giant celebrities they can't me and the other day I was on the subway and it's like you yeah well exactly yeah so I have to embrace the fact that they know I'm probably not signing on welfare and I'm taking two brides and you know I mean I speak to your truth not any truth of like let me let me go from their perspective yeah audience like well I think even it even if it's a great observation like um isn't it funny when you know if you say this is a true story my sister I'm already engaged if this if I think this really happened right that's better than the nebulous isn't it funny when yeah you know it's sort of like it's not I don't know I want that real one small story it's funny to know that something actually happened to a person as opposed to oh this guy is just good at coming up with concepts you know yeah yeah like that because there's nothing funnier than a thing happening to a person also it's harder to be ripped off as well if you do general observations or puns anyone can just take it and use it as if it's really your story that's really hard to rip off yeah you know I mean the coincidence is too great we were to get hold on that's what happened to so-and-so that's that's not yours I also find to when I'm doing real thoughts or real stories a lot of times it's harder to find like the Big Bang punchline because like a true story and a lot of times in life the punchline doesn't end what occurred so a lot of times the great funny part of it there's still like a minute and a half left of true story yeah I suppose you want it to be lean as well don't you yeah get more out of it but is that the best you know laughs per unit time you want to get a good average don't you yeah and I think sometimes you want to leave him on a on a high no and it's great yeah yeah and start again in a flood story nobody wants to hear and then the super came up and luckily it was the pipe so it's a building issue so interesting as a person yeah the people are gonna laugh at your joke and then go no Jim but what happened to the pipe you're like they're gonna walk out as homeowners insurance of the building for chrissake I'm always I'm always fascinated when people can tell you how to go and it is not as an anecdote it's not a story I go I went the shops right I thought I'd um I thought I'd run out of cereal right so and then look I didn't know I didn't have to go in the end why have you told me that why you told not a story doesn't need to ever to be told right it happened once to you know people tell you their dreams right a weird dream known to you to me nothing yeah it doesn't matter it can't it's not interesting to me no weird that's just like saying hey you want to hear a thing I just made hey do you want to hear a thing I just made up yeah well the worst is when somebody writes in poetry and they want that you know they want to share their yelling out and working on this poem Oh Oh honestly someone did but poetry once right it was a friend of a friend and it was around my place right and it's an opportunity so I think gonna be interesting it and he told it to me right and and it was so intense right and James the next room and she said she could feel me cringing it was the worst most pretentious sort of twenty three-year-old poem I could say who it was I kind of members now might but it ended with right there I think of his finger the poem that this ends with poor Bert poor Bert that's how it ended poor bird because poor bird is such a heavy statement after what he's told you know like let that sink in I'll say it again the embarrassing things what do you think of this yeah you have to lie though it's it's it's you know it is hard to be honest and tell someone like your inner thoughts your inner poetry and artist is garbage it's hard to tell how you don know you can't because woody interesting yeah no it's cute lexicon Excalibur could they stab you with my cocky intense it because that's what I want it was what that's what was intense about it that that it's like some of my poetry and it's just too intense is too too close and tell me over the phone go away call me from a call box write and tell me the poem because I can't have you in the room but what you just said it's like a dead giveaway when you respond to the poem by saying Amen that's good keep at it as opposed to actually talking about the poem oh now he's it's a ship home well what I wanted to do was go please leave I want to kill you I want to kill you for making me sit through that was it it was you know what it was probably like 16 lines right but the when someone looking at you as their tailor and order and all they're all the emotions about themselves someone told you emotions about something as a poem about me what went through all me let's forget it let's know you're embarrassed for them I'm embarrassed for them and I can't and that's what I can't cope with I can I'm not embarrassed for me I'm always embarrassed for other people I admire people who don't have that I mean a lot of times they're called sociopaths people who are not embarrassed for other people I envy them so much because they're more honest and they say themselves a lot of grief yeah and because they don't they don't do those socially honorable things I don't hear it are the number of times that I've I'm probably gonna have a heart attack will those little bits of adrenaline and feeling bad for someone and cringing for them that that's all mountian up and that it's probably taken about a year off my life yeah over the years of all those and the worst thing is if you're in a group of people and everyone's like making a joke and then someone makes a crap joke and you got all there's nothing you know when you laughing so much I think I'm never gonna stop laughing this is someone making a slightly crap joke and that kills it this is calling a man on earth oh if it's the situation we're out it feels fun though it can be tiring in here when you jump on some rich vos or somewhere in front of me I know that's the guy sure yeah yeah and you know I grew up with that but it's all I can't take it now I can't I feel so I don't want anyone to go through pain kind of laughing and like smiling and just trying to go along with it and just moving the conversation along but every time Jim and me or just look at each other like did Vash just say no I know but I can't I don't want to confront them and as he's about example cuz he's really funny yeah and I know you're teasing him yeah but that you know in a group when someone is the isn't funny into intensity we talked this morning I came in I'm I'm historically and this is me being a codependent where I'm very very bad at small talk I don't know if you're good at it I'm awful at I hate it but I have to do it again to save them you know I mean if cashier says cold and I don't to go off ball you know I gotta go easy as murder doing it off so she'll get better by you have to do it and you feel you know but it is bailing them out from the honest moment of knowing well but but somebody needed to bail Jim out because we could speak about this conceptually but when your response is even worse than their awful because I'm bad at it I mean that's what now I'm not excited okay so I'm not gonna tell you a security guard downstairs Jim came in with his luggage today yeah and a security guard downstairs What did he say I don't want to carry my luggage and he goes a bag of cash which is terrible right it's not a good joke you a great security guy you're a black belt in jujitsu quite you great you've taken a bullet mmm but don't ever make a badge over that again cuz you're out of here dude right yeah I'd rather fight you yeah Cassius I know but but right go on well sometimes when you have 28 years of standing up to fall back on I said I just panicked I have nothing I'm telling he goes up baggie cash and I went yeah payout for the guys I don't know with you I too just stayed silent I couldn't be they awkwardness I wouldn't have wanted because I'd have known that was over for you for the guys just silence just just he gave me a paw and I told him I who made the bad observation was looking at Jim like why would you respond like that I thought what I should have just been honest like you know have bag of cash just some shoes and socks and like I just told the truth well I used to I used to work a friend of mine you know that thing when you go with a suit right and there was the poor and the poor I would always say Oh been to a funeral right sure and uh and my friend Glyn had just been to a funeral just buried his and he came in and but went up into a funeral he went yeah he went one day they are gonna pin to a funeral because that was a joke responses King he's just trying to get his light off yeah my grandmother shot herself and some people are masterful at that little banter and it's a real social lubricant and I'm I not I'm not awful at it on purpose I just can't do it I've never been able to do it successful people usually know how to do they probably do I know I've got that little thing where I wasn't a judge there once and they said oh he's lost a lot of white how'd you do it I said I'd [Laughter] [Laughter] rather I'm an re sentiment ya ask you and you're saying that ripping people off it reminded me have you watch black mirror oh no I haven't but I've seen the one about the body a couple of them no Edward yeah I don't see that one show there's Carl from you know from Ricky's pocket yeah from the OL podcast predicted episode black mirror like they took or or the people who make like mirror fences well I think that's more like the other thing that a wish that when you went to the doctor the doctor could put you in a thing and the doctor could feel what you were feeling so he'd know cuz it's hard to describe mine and that was it so no how would that would this work right he had other ideas like I said I've invented some again what he said see through skin well we can't do it you can't say I've invented and then go oh I don't know the details yet we just get on with it No so it's comenta stuff he came up with so it was perfect for this but yeah I didn't see it but everyone said I'm in the middle of that one now actually the doctor has the thing in this neck it's really fascinating it's just funny cuz on the on the YouTube video like they take from the podcast in the animated series and they show like the setup for it and then they show it in the episode and then they show like you and Steven going like why would it do this and then Karl explains this and then they show it in the episode yeah that's good yeah I just had a medical right um every year right and and I asked the doctor right why still the finger and they've got they've got now P Summit psi uh what's it called where they can tell if you've got prostate problems from a urine test it went but that only one side of it where you can tell if they start it is early with it so the fingers never going away the finger is never going away are you a crew you were saying why do you do all this stuff they was taking blood samples that was show everything but then he said now God's doing the finger we asked oh you said wife saw the finger why steal the finger yeah and it's just not going away they always need they always need someone to feel it first because it's early stage isn't that so yeah and you can feel around in there it's like there are some doctors though that want to hold back some technology because they really no I think I think manually is the waited yes well I'll go there every year and it's always and this guy is a big guy as well and I thought what he's gonna have a huge finger yeah yeah I was waiting for it and it's not it's not the worst thing the testicles are worse now as well because they seem to hurt more than ever more sensitive or because I'm thinking about it they sort of shrink so he has to dig in now and get my balls out of this thing drink up like a little turtle going into the shower yeah because I'm so nervous now about the skin kind of hornet's nest yesterday has to dig him out now I've heard about like like somebody's dick like going back in when they get nervous or cold or whatever I've never heard of somebody's testicles going back into their body it must be the nervous reaction which is odd because my testicles are longer and stretchier than they've ever been but so they should be easy I mean if you'd probably do it know they were they were shrunk so what how do you know I'm 49 so you've got a starving the fingers oh yeah great from the fist now I went for colonoscopies recently when I was a little young just to do it and make sure everything was okay I'm paranoid about that so yeah I get checked once a year it's all good yeah that's good apparently has an echo yeah good point let me just take this off Jim having things shoved up his ass shouldn't be shoved up his ass that's the three big ones don't forget cancer pedophilia still on the docket yeah it's one of those things you just got to do it I'll leave him a note I still it's still awkward though it's just in awkward I saw my joke about it and he said dumb no and can I give you a I said yep yep let's do it like that right right they'll talk about it and he said them now do you need a chaperone I went no and I went that'd be worse I said it's bad enough what you do it you do it but you've got a mate watching now Shaun can you come in I'm just gonna stick my finger over dad's ass and he wants he wants someone watching I didn't know I don't want someone watching you said can average this and that happened you should say yes and when the guy comes in hand him your iPhone you I'm 34 so you've never had a doctor put his finger up there I don't think you know no no well yeah what did you start this that is it fifty or before well I start I think fifty I think so yeah because the at fifty testicular cancer not much of a problem anymore prostate cancer here we come real it's a cross over on the graph yeah when you're young it's the other way wrestles don't worry about the prostate right now now it's the other way around so I think testicle testicular cancer is easier to deal with so has that is the best one together top it out they can put a fake one any because it's not it's not a problem because I think it's pretty isolated it might the difficult ones always like you know liver as everywhere you're not I mean I do he says what you worried about I said um every cancer heart and lungs I think are doing well but every cancer things I you know what you know and he went okay I sound mad in front of a doctor because I'm so honest yeah I go I wake up and it's good and if I ever got a lump I say I'm gonna die jack okay okay he must be this is a mental case yeah but it's just all like doctors I'm nervous I'm nervous for that hour and I think I talk far even I mean when that being sort of examined I think if I talk they're not gonna find anything wrong with me yeah I mean okay I think I have to do is wait out the out like putting off a teacher you ask tell us about your motorbike so before you know it as the end the lesson usually was taking my heart and I was talking to you got a shut up he just said this if you've got to shut up sorry cuz I'm nervous so let me when you are when you go for something like that they have these like executive physicals they cost a lot but you can go with a that you spell it the whole day where they can check you for every type of cancer and I know someone had that done um it's ten grand I think and they put you in the machine and it does it goes through your body and check your everything you can't like Tron it's just like you know you're in this thing and it yeah absolutely everything lungs heart you want blood work all that stuff yeah cuz usually it's their specific test so you can't have a blood test if they don't find everything cuz I'm looking for everything they're looking for one thing that if a diabetes or something but then have to do it's like there's no one there's like a hundred tests how often do you have to go back though like once you get the whole test everything checked like are you good for 10 years no well you're well you probably find something wouldn't you that like even I find they say things like oh yeah your cholesterol it's just in the safe zone but watch that or diabetes yeah you've got a 3% chance but watch that you know it's just like you're meant to do something I never do know it's like I know it doctor saying you should stretch more you should probably cut down on that wine I go I know the rules I said I'm doing this on purpose I know I know the rules like I want to say to a doctor now what are you gonna do about it I'm gonna carry on drinking too much wine and eating too much cheese what are you gonna do about you've got to save my life without me giving up wine this is your job give me a pill I can take or something that will counterbalance my shitty be exactly like well that's right it's fun that's one of the fun things about living right now that we've come from so long with with presidents and first ladies and stuff being obsessed with nutrition and exercise and diet yeah and this week the White House doctor comes up and he goes you know the president could stand to lose some weight but he doesn't like to diet or exercise that guy that poor doctor was forced out there to say out how fit and tall he is it looked like a hostage video didn't it his mouth was dry he was looking to the left I'm just imagining a gun coming in and going oh he's really fit and tall he's toys-r-us excited for his high he's perfect I mean I want that doctor people didn't notice the sweating that was happening there I know wearing it was so ridiculous apparently if he's if they do the stats that equation to his actual height which is 6 foot 2 he comes out as a beast yes yes driver's license exactly yeah 6 3 entering the White House so I think at 63 he's one pound shy exactly of being obese yeah which congratulations so will I be 6 for 3 when I'm 70 then cuz I because I you get obviously get talks generally what happens yeah I know but I do I do if there was some of that sort of pail right you took a pill and they and then for an hour you were you've shat and vomited and you bled from every and then they scraped you off and you were clean wouldn't that be great absolutely time flowers yeah it was like every yeah and they just they just came at you it was like you know somewhat of a horror film and then then you were fine for a wine you were real fine it was just to be amazing so I've invented that then the pillow makes you and violet and bleed for an hour speaking of which I'm performing in science and I was great thank you it was really great the your recommendation was in that place I did two shows in London one in Dublin and one in Manchester I love it that's made three great places there because the Manchester's always good Dublin is incredible isn't it it's like it's a Saturday night every night of the way isn't it except Saturday and that's like new easy yeah it's amazing I met a guy I was tired I met a guy walking he yelled Jim Norton it was a big jam in Jim and Sam Shoen I'm looking for a place to eat he goes hop in so I just hopped into a stranger's truck in Dublin and he drove me to a place to eat it was so bizarre no she didn't didn't like it because even no one speaks for the first half an hour but don't you love that we just went from like I was so nervous because the security guard said hello - yeah I was in a foreign country and another continent yeah and some guy in a truck asked if I wanted to jump in yeah and I jumped in yeah but it was a fun I loved loved him and I loved it over there was so much fun the gigs were great it was the same as you're a trusting guy did you do an old show do you haven't done there no I just did the current set that I'm doing I didn't do it's on Netflix I did the currents that I'm doing all right right is my just my current hour any oh and it's when you say current hour you've worked that up to an hour which you do now I think times are reverting again now because between sort of DVDs sort of finding a little bit and Netflix dominating the universe it was all about gigging again but now it's now it's like gig until you can get your special on and then start again yeah by the time I'm ready I won't shoot I probably made a hopefully shoot within the next year at some point but I get so bored I don't want to do the material anyway so I love just get it on filming and just drop it I'm done as soon as it on film I'm done I mean there's really something lovely about having an hour with no pressure that you can do a gig tomorrow if someone that's cause you're sure you know I mean no you cannot I used it once of my hours up you know me and Jane just had a little holiday for the weekend I play that arena in Copenhagen and we had a weekend in coconut you know I mean it was just lovely licensed to just fly around the world and so they did India gigs pay for your vacation basic oh god yeah but I mean even a warm-up would really if you think the the relative cost how many people pay paying that to a flight in a hotel sure I could do it I could go there for you know warm ups in 400-seat as if I wanted to so it is a amazing I don't know not skill set but an amazing asset to have the fact that you're a working comedian and you can just pop up and play wherever you want it's incredible it is and I've been branching out and doing a lot more places and I finally did I said bill burr got in my ear and I credit him a lot and you were in my ear and there's a whole bunch of people to just try it just do it and it was great I can't whack to London in a second well the next thing I think you've done it as well but my new discovery over the last year's is Scandinavia that are there first of all their English is better than ours yes they're there every plus Stockholm Copenhagen Oslo regular it's there they're beautiful it's affluent they're liberal they're arty they're up for it they go out it's honestly it's like it's a dream for a comedian I think I didn't drive I did okay and I was lower to draw I did the one shot I almost canceled trying to be the best one which was Copenhagen turned out to be the best show and I was like yeah I loved it it sold last minute it was it was the best show I did out of that entire really I've played that before and after he's probably one of my favorite places in the world now they're conditioning in Europe though the hotels don't you going in the summer a lot of them are older buildings I'd say we go there conditioning he goes into the Sistine Chapel and goes a bit warm in here absolutely look at the ceiling dude bit warm in here I'm a gentleman who requires air conditioning environment I know I stayed in a couple of places in the summer in England and you wouldn't think that was a problem but it is you know we do get up to the nineties now and again and when you're staying in like castles or these stately homes you can't complain there's no academic buildings that I know he's architectural amazing exactly and I get so hot that I know I know that what the Wi-Fi out what did Henry the eighth's do for Wi-Fi you have files here just regular cable I actually stayed in a room that Henry the eighth's stayed in when the castle was seven years old I played a stateless place called Thornbury Castle when I had his room and it's a real fire in this four-poster bed and I was and I was thinking yeah but you do Louise great bid on a you're in a chair in the sky about fly exactly but I've caught myself so many times wanting to complain about the Wi-Fi or whatever I'm like technically he's I you go back to that bit it's one of those busy you just keep going back to oh yeah he's right I know the thing that curbs me now I do want to complain about the slightest thing I am spoil and I talked about it in humanity right but being famous curbs that because I don't want to be on YouTube complaining all right I don't want to hear one gossip thing about me oh it was a bit of RC so I'm really I can't complain anymore and I also think no that's holding us hostage it is I think it's also stopping us from acting like total half the time too I know of what exactly and I think I think that's that's good yeah it might it does if anything that makes you a better person you know some people think God's watching them you know and I know I know YouTube is watching me I don't take the dose in the soup back I also think that um I got that age where now I think that they could be having a bad day if a way of drive or someone makes a mistake he could have just found out is wife's got counts or summer and I'm going well that never mind that there's no reason to be like you know I mean later at the end of the day I know that's your family life playing devil's advocate that is sad news but there's no reason you should have cold soup exactly if she smiles it's funny when you're in the moment you're not rational you just think why me right why me were you here were you ever an before the internet was quite so prevalent like would you have your moments no because again III didn't I didn't feel privileged I never felt I never thought whether I deserve more than then he went out obviously I do now yeah you know I'd never thought that I just roll in there in the yeah yeah III never really I never really went through that but I remember once I was newly famous after the office and there was a trouble with a bill that kept sending me the wrong bill I was like - is it your phone or something so I called up and I thought I'm gonna really I was fuming right and I waited and waited so I'm really agitated now so hello can help you I went yeah it's the third time I see Oakland Toby details I went Ricky Gervais she went oh what from the office okay I said oh I love that show and Cheer - what have you went it's no big deal I can't go crazy and someone it's like in a restaurant right if if two people are like waiting that annoys me so I'm fuming I'm looking okay they're eating now do they just strumming on their bread right and then one of them recognizes me and they sort of go Oh big fan that's it I can't I can't go we'll stop chewing with your mouth open your Pig I'm surprised how little etiquette there is and I'm here but I see at home you know and I can sneeze into the air and dribble food and all that right but in a restaurant I don't know how people even waiters of profit and they're gone I think what the are you doing yeah did no one ever tell you that is disgusting I don't even understand like just walking down the street how people just breathe out of their mouths my mouth okay scuffling huh like not doesn't know if you're going the other rection they don't say sorry No and the wine you want to go what how have you lived this long it's the holding the door when they don't say thank you it fantasies about dragging them back through and slamming the face I know it's again it's that rudeness it's that entitlement you know but then I think well maybe they're exactly what I do is I avoid those situations I hate going through the door holding the door you know I'd do it but it's it's just awkward well don't expect to thank you maybe you don't expect nothing just do it and of course yeah we don't get to thank you just repeat the phrase to yourself hopefully as mom has can sometimes think that a little um just to your south rain like if you get you get trolled on Twitter someone says summer nasty then you look at their timeline and you go oh my god this guy should kill himself right could you certainly realize it's like being shouted at by a rat in a bin right you can't get angry you know I mean you've won and I think that you know these people that walk around and they think they don't know how to breathe through their nose I think what they've already lost I don't need to get I don't need to punish little things you're like if you haven't figured out how to shut your mouth when you're walking there's no way that anything you've got going on is gonna make it won't do any good vs or out of you or anything like that yeah oh yeah like someone sort of got an annoying voice that got a really annoying voice or they laugh and they clap at the same time and I'm giving them dirty looks and Janes saying they don't know why you're looking at them right now I think looking at their go for Ricky Gervais he look to me I better stop doing this but they don't they just think you know so I should know I want I want a ticket police I want a report and some guys ever say sorry you're you're not a voice is so annoying you have to you have to stop talking like that well more and more people don't want it I mean it's what we were talking about when you first got here people don't you don't want to call people out on their stuff yeah so people go through life doing these things that annoy everybody but nobody's ever said anything to him well I no idea but I I know I've got like we were going past a the other day in the car and I went all that um that looks nice um Jamie went oh we went there once I went all right what's really she said yeah I'm we left because you said there was a eating bread well what else can you do when there's a did you say that just to her did you scream it people are on their phones in public in places like that if people just don't realize how hateable they are when they're behaving in a way that everybody kind of has to notice what you're doing and it's unpleasant for all of us oh wow yeah you mean like talking loudly I don't know how people like on a train of summer there hi John yeah tell Chandra to I think I want to tell some too - why where they call with sign up private things and you hear them yelling and you're like I've heard I've been on a train and they're yelling and I'm like hopefully it'll just be quick and they go no it's fine I'm on a train everything's good and you're like oh my god it's just gonna go on forever yeah no going I'm worried that they were thinking of bringing in mobiles on planes because I feel and they just talked about that yeah I that can't happen no no no it's the one even though Wi-Fi I don't like Wi-Fi on airplanes why I just love the only oh god what that was connected there was a woman on the Osos first class doesn't even and years ago there's a woman typing on a thing so she's banging the keys you don't need to bang the keys on the modern laptop right but she had bangles just playing the maracas anything annoys we're like this is it this is first class it doesn't get any better than this once right I got a regular driver he's brilliant right it was freezing cold really got a new job you got a new jacket leather jacket right and it was squeaking what can I do you in answer so you can't tell some of those jackets dudes okay and I turned up that is jacket squeaking it came from you doesn't like me squeaking thinking for me maybe you should not wear the check it's a little loud it's bothering Ricky but it's like I know it's my psychosis right now there's a bunch of keys right and it was in the car right and the keys were rattling well no the car we're never get any when you win you like things that I just loved it the guy like it's probably really happiest new jacket I know I'm gonna wear to work I'm gonna wear it out like this is my new jacket but now I always either of my iPod with some noise cancelling headphones or ear plugs I sometimes carry earplugs just so it takes down that I know I'm mental I know you just put any earplugs just in case someone's sniffing you know I think cuz then I think if someone's sniffing right and they're sitting in there like that okay that's once okay I look at them they don't no one looking on right oh my god I think and I think I've just remembered something else I did once what did you do Oh on a plane right there was this guy right it's about 50 years old I again first class right and he went like that right did it once with it twice right and I said them I told you need a tissue and what I said do you need a tissue you went now when all you do because you're going and I sat down and I started over grated I think now I've got the whole journey with this bloke right and then I would sit - Jane wife he's mafia or someone so now all my bravery is gonna put a hit on you exactly : to blow his nose no nose it's not shy yes people killed for talking about I know and it's just honestly I'm a bag I'm getting better now though are you because I sort of I go a bit Zen I think of something else so I straightaway think I try and think about maybe either bloke sniffing but maybe you've got bone cancer it all these annoying but people who watch things with volume on in part excusable because that's that's obvious because you say that's what headphones are for yeah strange when people are in speakerphone speakerphone yeah that's ridiculous it's insane no that's ridiculous because that's willful there's no there's no reason for act like that is note that that's like that's not ambiguous we have two minutes left by the way here's a dilemma I was with a girl in a restaurant who I really wanted to have sex with she started facetiming oh no I got a restaurant was new just a friend of hers she FaceTime and I wanted to her so I was trying to like I wanted to go get off the fire but I didn't say that I was like oh come on talk to me and then she finally got off the phone I was such a weasel that was a humiliating aggressive thing were you she didn't know how close she came to not having sex with you of course I did good yeah she wouldn't have gotten the thrill of her life she wouldn't have had a sweaty turtle on it for six minutes she collected her feet

Channel: Jim and Sam Show

Views: 110,643

Rating: 4.8076153 out of 5

Keywords: Ricky, Gervais, Specials, touring, netflix, aids, hitler, berlin, slavery, stand up, jim norton, sam roberts, jim and sam, sirius xm, 103, faction talk, rich vos, funny, intense small talk, security guard, podcast, deadly sirius, obese, england, bill burr, london, louis ck, humanity tour, Henry VIII, black mirror, awkwardness

Id: fGzWENbgvhY

Length: 46min 12sec (2772 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 22 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/sidneywidney]

Lmao the “cunt eating bread too loudly” is beyond relatable. He is definitely one of us.

Also, I think it’s funny how the hosts (is that the correct word for them?) think Ricky is annoyed by things and not the sounds people make. Ricky had mentioned several times how the sounds were the problem, and the hosts seem to think he is more annoyed by the actions people are doing, like when Ricky would mention a trigger, they would respond with an action that is socially rude.

Idk I found that interesting how I guess “Neurotypical” people just can’t grasp our disorder. That part really hit home because I feel like I’ve been explaining miso to people for years and they still don’t get it.

[u/CaptainSchmazz]

"Everything annoys me," Gervais says. I love the bit about him asking his sister to tell a guy with a brand-new squeaky jacket to not wear that jacket. Poor bloke, not his fault, but I can definitely relate to Gervais's reaction to it. Guy showed up later wearing a different jacket!

[u/ShutUpLori]

39:10 is when he starts talking about it.

[u/Angela831]

for sureeeeeee

[u/[deleted]]

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing!