Relationship 101--- Forgiveness From The Heart

[Music] forgiveness is not always easily given but it's vitally important when there is forgiveness in a relationship it sets us free from revenge and anxiety I love how 2nd Corinthians 2 5 to 8 puts it if anyone has caused grief he is not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent not to put it too severely the punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient now instead you ought to forgive and comfort him so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him as lovers of Jesus we're commissioned to walk as he does and forgive as he does but how do we do that how do we practically live out the message of forgiveness when we have been hurt misunderstood and forsaken in this next session Dani will tackle just that have you given yourself permission to hold on to unforgiveness what does true forgiveness look like I want to talk to you about forgiving from the heart forgiveness shows up time and time again in our relationships where we feel injured or we or we experience an injustice and it's it's not likely that you're going to get through a relationship without experiencing some sort of failure some sort of pain so this idea of unforgiveness puts us in a position to where we feel like we are going to take vengeance we are going to get justice ourselves and the Bible is very clear that vengeance doesn't belong to us it belongs to the Lord I think that it you know one of the most colorful stories that I can think of is sitting right there in Matthew 18 where the King forgives a man of a debt that he could never repay this idea of being in a debtors prison always kind of confuses me because why would you put somebody who hasn't paid off their debts in prison until they pay off their debts but there you have it and this this king is feeling generous and gracious and he calls a man forward who owes a debt that he could never repay he owes millions and millions of dollars and the King says your debt is forgiven you may go free so this servant is released on the streets and before you know it there's a guy downtown and he's got somebody that owes him $10 this is a guy that's just been forgiven millions of dollars he's now downtown chasing this guy who owes him 10 bucks and he's choking him and he's saying carry what ten dollars you owe me ten dollars you better giving you a ten dollars and the Kings servant watches this and he can't believe it so he goes back to the king and says you're never gonna believe what I just saw I did that guy that you forgave he's downtown choking a guy out for $10 the King can't believe what he's hearing so he says bring him back here and they get him in front of the king he goes are you kidding me I forgave you a debt you could never repay and you are now demanding payment over $10 you're going back to prison and you're not getting out until the debt is paid and then Jesus says to the people who are here in this story he says likewise my father will do to you if you don't forgive others from your heart it's a big deal it's not optional it's not something you can ponder it's not something that you just wait around until you feel like doing it is a crucial part of keeping your love on I refuse to try to seek vengeance as a matter of fact I will turn my case over to a judge that I trust see when you go to court you're actually saying to another party a judge I trust you to settle my matter that's what we're doing when we forgive I'm saying to the Lord I trust you to settle this injustice there's a story in the Old Testament of one of King David's sons absalom absalom witnesses an atrocious injustice his brother Amnon rapes his sister Tamar it so dramatically affects Absalom that it literally ruins the rest of his life but really what ruins his life is that he never forgives he holds Amnon guilty and then his father equally guilty in this story as it unfolds you see absolute wanting justice for what happened to his sister and when King David finds out about it he doesn't do anything so Absalom takes matters into his own hands and he kills his brother he's now killed one of the king's sons he's a murderer the mistake of his brother has now become his mistake and he is out of favor he's now broken his own relationship with his father he flees the country he he has to go hide because the consequences of that is death as the story unfolds Joab gets involved one of David's trusted servants and he orchestrates a situation where Absalom has welcomed back in front of the king and King David for Gibbs Absalom for murdering his son now that was absolutely necessary for Absalom and it was absolutely necessary for David the problem is is that Absalom does not forgive his father what he judged his father for in failing to take justice on Amnon Absalom carries the unforgiveness even after David forgives him of his sin carries ammo into a situation where he begins to set himself up as the judge of his father and start to divide his father's Kingdom he now waits at the gate and as anyone who comes in to seek justice from the king Absalom meets him at the gate and essentially says this you're not going to get justice from the king but if I were the king here's what I would do in your case and he now begins to try to win people over to his side and this is what happens when we've refused to forgive someone is we set up a case and we tell other people about what has happened to us and we try to win their heart to side with us in the case now this presents the beginning of dividing the kingdom if you know if we if we set ourself up as judge as we if we sent our self up to judge the king we end up with a a situation where we are treasonous and we begin to divide the kingdom see when you hold on to unforgiveness towards someone you are bringing division into the kingdom of heaven you're operating in an opposite spirit you've invited fear into the into the situation into the relationship and now that enemy of love is warring against what it is God is trying to do it's so crucial that we realize that forgiveness is a behavior of covenant it's it's just like making a covenant keeping a covenant requires death that I would be willing to die to my case that I'd be willing to die to seeking justice being issued the way I would prescribe it it's not in my power to handle a situation to way God would I don't my ways are not his ways his ways are not my ways and so it's important that I be willing to die to the case that I have against someone and trust my king might my father to be judged in the situation I know that I've done that I've know that I've accomplished that because I'm I'm seeking reconciliation I'm seeking restoration and when I do that when I've forgiven someone the relationship is now drained of my need for revenge and anxiety between us when I turn my love on through forgiveness fear and vengeance is is drained from the relationship when we look at Joseph in the Old Testament I mean if anybody had a justification to punish someone it was Joseph his brothers are jealous and in their jealousy they try to kill him they throw him in a hole and they're not sure what to do with them Reuben says we can't just leave him here so let's sell him to slavery there we go we'll sell him into slavery that somehow is a better solution throughout the whole story of Joseph I'm not going to tell you the whole story but I want you to see that there was such a injustice committed against Joseph he rises to power he becomes second only to Pharaoh and his family are now trying to find a way to survive the famine they find themselves before the very brother that they betrayed the very brother that they considered killing as Joseph looks at his brothers the evidence of his forgiveness is on the surface we know that Joseph has released them from his judgments and his punishments by the fact that when they come into the room and he recognizes his brothers he asks all the Egyptians to leave the room he doesn't want anybody else to know about the injustice that he has suffered at the hands of his brothers he's going to protect his offenders from anyone thinking ill of them he reveals himself to his brothers they stand there scared of death as they should be because he has the power to absolutely destroy them in his unforgiveness but instead he moves towards them he says look it's me it's your brother Joseph I'm alive you know that that thing that you intended for evil God has turned it around I've trusted him to settle my case with you and he's made it all good forgiveness allows me to when there's a chance of reconciliation to move towards those who have hurt me to who've offended me I am ready my goal is connection when the relationship is ready to move forward I'm ready I've kept my love on the testimony the fruit of forgiveness is that I'm willing to bless and to cherish this is how we know that we have cleaned the anxiety and the vengeance out of our relationship because I love you very much I want you to prosper I want you to benefit is what fills the relationship Joseph sends his brothers back fully equipped fully nourished as a testimony that I've released you from my judgments the practice of forgiveness is bearing fruit of love there's there's no getting around it graciously offering people love is the fruit of I forgive you now who do I forgive who would be the recipient of that gracious gift well it starts with people who offend you people have hurt you people have failed you people who let you down the things that jack up your anxiety the things that lead to a disconnect those are the people that I'm going to forgive I mean as I'm talking to you right now you're thinking of different people people are coming to mind most likely that have offended you have hurt you I'm offering forgiveness to you I'm offering forgiveness to anyone who asks me to forgive them you know the Bible says if you forgive those I will forgive them we have an opportunity to connect heaven with people who have failed people generally who failed us we need to figure our selves commonly this is a part where we don't understand that we've held ourselves captive to past mistakes and and as a result we allow shame to come in and to accuse us to the point to where we align our identity with some mistake that we've made in the past and for reasons that don't really make any sense we don't forgive God he's a perfect relator and yet we hold him in judgment we like Absalom did to David we think he should have done things different than he did and so we stand there and we say if I were God I would have handled this differently if I were God I would have done X Y & Z because you didn't do those things I hold you in contempt I withhold my love and and I allow a disconnect between me and you it seems foolish it seems almost unreasonable but we do it we stand in a place of unforgiveness thinking that we're going to protect ourselves we're gonna protect ourselves from people we're gonna take protect ourselves from God and sometimes we don't even realize that we hold ourselves in that same prison because of mistakes that we've made unforgiveness is not an option it's toxic it's dangerous and it leads to a place of disconnect with our Father so as we move forward from here I want you to consider look through your relationships make sure that they are free of revenge you seeking vengeance and anxiety the evidence of an ongoing disconnect or you've changed your goal from pursuit and connection to feeling satisfied in disconnection forgiveness from the heart is actually a condition of a right relationship with the Lord don't be afraid to forgive when you stay in unforgiveness the only thing you get is hopelessness fear and anger and forgiveness you have so much to gain joy hope and freedom who in your life do you need to forgive some of you watching this session have forgiven quite a few people in your life but you haven't forgiven yourself no matter what caused this unforgiveness towards yourself know that you are forgiven Psalm 103 8 to 12 says the Lord is compassionate and gracious slow to anger abounding and loved he will not always accuse nor will he harbor his anger forever he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay US according to our iniquities for as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is his love for those who fear Him as far as the East is from the west so far has he removed our transgressions from us you don't need to live in the shame of your past anymore today is a new day and you are becoming a new person the Lord delights and showing mercy may your heart fully receive that this week let's pray Jesus we come before you today with repentant hearts forgive us God for not forgiving those around us or ourselves for the things we did we ask Lord that you would remove all shame and any remnants of past hurts thank you for being a good father help us to love and forgive like you do in Jesus name [Music] you

Channel: Loving on Purpose

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Id: tKAGO7Lqny0

Length: 17min 49sec (1069 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 12 2018