Reece Shearsmith, Trinny Woodall, Michael Ball,Charlie Brooker in Would I Lie to You| Earful #Comedy

[Applause] [Applause] Michael TVs Charlie [Applause] good evening I welcome along too would I lie to you the show all about lies and lying now according to research the most common lies are about Affairs and money so men if you do spend the night with another woman don't make things worse by lying to your wife about how much she costs when you give someone a fake smile you don't use the same set of muscles as when you smile it and genuinely it's easy to tell the difference a genuine smile is the one you get from your dear old mum as you walk up the path to the care home on the Sunday afternoon a fake smile he's the one you give her back to round one home truths where our panel is taken in turns to read out a statement from the card in front of them and to make it particularly difficult they haven't seen the card yet so they don't know if it contains a truth or a terrible terrible lie that we've made up for them Michael Ball is first our Michael Wright what would you like to tell us thank you I have a three-part ritual I have to adhere to before I go on stage David's team how the flu is this okay what are the three parts firstly I think there's a suite that I have to have before I feel comfortable a sweet a sweet part 2 part 2 is I have to hurry is putting on a spray is spraying me with so it smells exercise I smell nice for the ladies and gentlemen what's right madam Raja because I'm play I'm in hair spray and it's a woman and okay it's a recent thing since you're in hair spray it depends a theme a different smell for every right exactly what did you what you doing you're in cats I didn't do pass what's the third the third back typing what are tapping on parts of my body can you demonstrate yes you go there and you go there and your hands well there we are there are lots of people around the country just like Michael who need your help please say David steam what you think I'd this thing about tapping I I know about tapping and you started doing it correctly and then you stopped because I thought are you giving too much away if you continue tapping correctly we didn't even do this this is where doctors do it it's probably not a lung disease a pharisee is never claimed to be a doctor I think when there was the once but they kept a few for every character you play musicals no I wouldn't have thought so yeah but could you sit for this character yeah yeah might haven't broached us whatever you call yourself is it real yeah but it's not one of you to say sit with hair sprout associate charlie or something with hairspray my feeling is that it's a lie at the moment I think he's telling the truth so you driven to lie it was too vague yes it was to one we're at NIT for life you're saying it's a lie okay Michael what is the answer it is in fact the truth guys have a three part ritual that he has to carry out before going on stage lots of stars have little rituals Amy Winehouse always has a small glass of dry white wine large glass of brandy and a liter and a half of Mets Ginny you're next Oh Marxist fences mannequins are based on my body how would this work is it do you have a mold of your body what you do is you do a like a plaster of Paris on your body I go say this really slowly a man takes this gunk is it the head as well or just the body no the body but the you know they didn't bother doing your head no they did my head but it was so they basically decided that you'd be the right body to advertise but they went we don't want the face what did you look different like when you're mobile you were they going there we'll go the body though what's wrong with a boot I had acne actually I had very bad acne they could have sanded it down the face and then they get a bit of light it's great to just shave off that when they peel it off is it like you know when you pull a plaster off quickly is it before they put on the pass of Paris you're wrapped in saran wrap but then you get all the that you'd get the the the lumps would you do you well you think about it at it for a show think of the woman in white and it would all buckle and and then if you pull something in on that you'd get all the lines on it either you could just sand it off like the acne don't leave what do you think all right why I don't think it's true is that surely mannequins come in different sizes because otherwise no no no clothes come in different sizes and they put the right size on the mannequin to make them as attractive as they possibly can I love boys discussing fashion you go I got Charlie you got cast before didn't you that you were cast for a big set of fake breasts for a show weren't you know she was talking to David I'm sure you got fitted for a prosthetic set of breasts we think that's a lie okay is it fact or fiction [Applause] but it's true isn't it that Susanna did provide the inspiration for their large sacks of potatoes grease your turn to confess for a summer I worked at a funeral directors that offered themed funerals what certain beamed funeral did we give as an example of a theme well you couldn't have a medieval one how does a medieval bugle work do you have it when you're 26 well it was there was a king and queen obviously they parted nearest people to the person who's dying they dress up yes yes they dress up always see so it's not just the dead person everyone's gotta go to live a dressed up and the dead person's dead he doesn't know you've had medieval many even give me three others there was a Valentine's Day Massacre actually called Valentine's Day Massacre it's called the Blue Parrot what it was well the blue pirate is the name of the supposed club that they hit all the people believed in it now was a an atrocity why at the general is depressing enough why would you want to make it more depressing not me person who's on the list that was beyond the pale like if I came and said I want a cannibal themed beautiful there was one who came and wanted all the people to be serial killers I genuinely thought you said runnin ball did you ever get a point where there was like another regular funeral going on at the same time and maybe they were slightly upset to look over and see people in zany it's a knockout costume into the ground there it was only ever crematorium it wasn't ever burials so it was quite private what if they said before the control it was big fan of bonfire night can you stop it with fireworks Catherine wheels the law and then it goes behind the curtain in the coffins for wallet watch its speed so leave what how do you say I'm getting genuinely annoyed by this because I know we've got to say it's a lie it's a lie yeah it's a lie let's not look stupid all right go on we'll say it's a lie saying it's a lie okay Reese fact or fiction it is lie it is Rhys didn't used to work at a funeral directors that offered themed funerals to put my ashes while still hot in one of those council wheelie bins that'll show him Charlie Brooker you're up next for six years I pretended to a girlfriend that I was partially deaf seems reasonably enough David's team what do you think after how many years are going out with her did this start um shamefully quickly was by pretending to be part of their how you clinched the deal you saying I have to use pity to attract peep I'm saying you might have used did she have a very irritating habit that precipitated you're going deaf yes talking she was doing uh something that was very important some emotional thing right and she said you weren't listening to me and got very upset started crying and so I thought I'll lie and tell her I'm deaf in one ear which I did at that point what you're saying to her is I didn't hear anything because I'm definitely near I thought we were sitting together in silence I had my attention taken up with something else and I I said it well II spoke at his guide dog and you elaborate on why you were deaf in the year after yeah yeah what was your reason I said that when I was a child I had nearly drowned when I was like four in the swimming pool and that this had left me deaf in one ear I don't tried shaking my head and I felt quite bad cuz I I told the lie early on then I had to maintain it so did you tell her ever after the sixty well did the relationship just break up and he never tells it I never told her I didn't tell her I told I I wrote about it in a newspaper column that's nice because she's a Geordie there robust six years you've lied you've lied to me big lie it doesn't come up and the advantages after telling that lie half the time so it comes out you can pretend you have now what do you think so you think it's a line you think it's a lie horrific Lee I think it's true I think it might be true you think it's true Charlie is it truth or lie it's it's true told us is true yes I'm afraid it is it was Terra it was such a burden we the first time I introduced her to my parents we're going down to meet them on the train I suddenly thought oh god she's gonna mention that and so I had to turn round to her and say don't bring it up my mother blames herself I didn't want to lose her I was desperate having told this terrible lie I was locked into it I could a dental or I was gonna that can't you see moving you cold-hearted monster you can call us cold-hearty yes and for which they must be punished oh yes it's it's amazingly true Charlie did pretend to a girlfriend for six cruel years that he was partially deaf ironically like all his other girlfriends she was partially sighted is called the ring of truth I'll be offering the team's some bizarre celebrity facts but are they true or did we get them from Wikipedia please team take a look at this clip we do a bigger one for the trucker for the actual at the really hungry person which consists of a saint kidney pie playing smartest chips Russians fried potatoes to think reading rather than it comes up really hating one up and a baby chips bacon and chips it's everything what will goes with chips I should say what they didn't show you there was the toilet where Gillian McKeith was spending one of the happiest days of my life so here's the related facts right for Lee's team Christina Aguilera once followed a strict diet where every meal had four food items one crunchy one soft one hot and one cold Lee's team could that be true that's not very specific is it there are more specifics they had to be bold colored you know example meal right raw red pepper which would be red and cold steamed broccoli which would count for green and hot scrambled eggs yellow and hot and raw carrot sticks which as we all know are orange and cold they're not cold they're crunchy that's too crunchy things the peppers Karl told is well the system is one crunching myself one hot one cold so no don't start talking about something it might coincidentally be cold and crunchy the selling point was this crunchiness I'll give you in this in this insurance they're playing the crunchy crunchy roll and could say to the pepper I've done cold as well today I'm I'm all crunchy all right I've been crunchy but today I'm cold you know any food could be served in all of those right no it's great cannot be crunchy you idiot he was in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang hey listen I sat through him in Chitty Chitty Bang I've an Olivier Award because that's the sort of stupid thing that people like her do to give their life some purpose and meaning with a set of arbitrary roles something for them to think about while they're sitting on their thin arses I think it's I think it's true oh go on I'll go with my team on this one and so that's the truth you're saying it's true okay it is true to maintain that slightly look we've all come to know and love Lee's team is in the lead by four points to to destroy this is my we're about to bring on a mystery guest that each of these team will claim to have a special relationship with but only one of them will be telling the truth and it's up to David's team to decide who so please welcome this week's special guest Donna so Charlie first what is Donna to you ah this is Donna who's teaching me basic home maintenance alright Lee what is Donna to you this is Donna and she saved my life when she threw me a life belt after I fell off my boat okay Michael what is Donna to you this is Donna she has been my number one super fan since she was 17 she even has a toilet seat cover with my face on it Michael has a fan David's team who would you like to start with Michael when did you start your relationship with your fan I have a relationship with most of my fans how did you how did you get to know Donna yeah I I've seen her at the front of crowds of audiences that have come and waited at stage doors and you signed autographs and you stopped and you have it as Hampton Sun shows only Donna turn and be done or is there mate Donna your number one fan a number of things I released a charity single and so she went and bought them all in a shop and then sold them on at hurdle it's now legal open-air concerts she'll chill always try and be the first down the front it so she'll go into training prior to I gave so that she can get there first do you have like a number two phone and a number three fans well it's no no there's everyone's number one Charlie what sort of home maintenance tips are you being given very very basic ones my homes are mess and I'm not very good at sort of maintaining you know looking after anything in my house so an ex-girlfriend paid for me to have these lessons where I basically learned it's basic stuff do you mean that how to change a plug yes well it's yes that was one of the first things we did learn it to be honest I've only gone three times and I'd Unity Center down the road are you doing it for a magazine article no not doing it because I'm a pathetic human take Charlie what is the first rule of home maintenance Club you don't talk about home maintenance the story of your boating trip was about the boat was on the River Thames will you buy yourself well I was actually with my dog and one other person right what is it that's exactly what my wife says right who is the other person my wife the faster boat is this I'm not a baby it's a twin-engine 28 fir line son Fiore and as we all know they can go up to 45 knots but on the Thames as we all know you can't break six knots six knots is if someone is walking beside you and you wave to them you're committed to it for about two hours how did you fall in well I was I was I was actually trying to go round the this side about to undo the gas canister at the front so we could make a cup of tea and I went down the side and slip why didn't your wife tried to save you yes Kosmic and what's Donna got to do with it she hasn't appeared yet in this well Donna was on another boat coming the other way and I slipped in and then she just threw me the ring and she didn't your wife because she can't swim also won't throw your life what do you say well what is she Ginny I think when Donna came in the only person who didn't look at her was the guy in the middle his name is medium he's stopped three to be like staff no I can't cycling Michael Lee I don't believe Lee would go boating very much why wouldn't I go boating very much um just doesn't you why alright then she saved me when I was trying to chase after a wicked race do you have any any suspicions which way this should go I think that Lee is telling the truth exactly yeah okay absolutely okay Donna would you reveal your true identity I'm Michael's number one yes this [Applause] [Applause] we say congratulations to Donna and thank you very much indeed for coming Donna thank you which brings us to our final round quickfire lies in which our panelists line Irani through their teeth but against the clock David's team are currently behind so we're going to give them one last chance to catch up starting with that's David three members of the cabinet subscribe to my Twitter feed please explain for some of the less with it growl what our Twitter is well it's Twitter is a website where you can essentially leave messages of up to 140 characters all right and no longer okay at least you made it sound so dynamic I can see why it's so popular I can't why did you sign up because someone on it was impersonating me what someone on Twitter was pretending to be me and putting messages on it like going to peep show production meeting everyone there is an I did not wish to be published under my name and who are the cabinet ministers they are Andy Burnham the culture secretary Alistair Darling who's the Chancellor of the Exchequer he's checking like that again a chancellor and being second an Johnson if this is true that any wonder the financial crisis were in how many followers do you have about 27,000 what sort of information would you be giving that's so interesting that they're going to sign up to follow you of all the people in the country I think you can follow my first hearted really young man in the current entertainment scene and a lot of people enjoy his work and they want to get close to him and they follow him bit on question time political force Charlie it's a lie if anybody is talking through the internet to cabinet members it's Dave Mitchell he's not talking he never I'm on that he never blow he doesn't really say much you're friendly you're boring on there are you saying sure you can say that if you want to lose the game I'm gonna go with you you too particularly you you saying it's a lie David is it true it is a lie [Applause] it is a lie very big lie there are not three members of the cabinet who subscribe to David's Twitter feed I myself don't get all the fuss about Twitter I think people have forgotten the simple pleasure of just sitting down and talking to friends on skype next hmm hey surly I kept my car running for two months by cracking an egg into it every day David's team is that possible when you say cracking eggs into it where do you mean in in the petrol tank or in the in the petrol tank oh you fool do you know nothing of cars I don't egg not egg running car if you get in a car you have a radiator if the radio it cracks all the water comes out yeah but interestingly if you put an egg in the radiator it's it goes it congeals and it seals the hole in the radiator because the the egg cooks oh no why didn't you go and get it fixed wow that's a good question I couldn't afford it so I thought it's about hundred two hundred fifty quid to get the radiator replaced now it gives me first car yeah it must've cost you a hundred quid no no they weren't free-range darling did you do a negative rule and cheat they used to be cool did you do pump out 50 a day was the other is it true or is it a lie can't be true what do you think I think it's alone okay lie you're saying it's a lie Lee tells the truth it is in fact it's very true indeed Lemax motives if they the job worth doing it's worth doing hazard Lee with some farm produce and that noise signals time's up and it's the end of the show and I can reveal that tonight's winners are Lee's team by a massive nine points to two yes a team game anymore my individual liar of the week is Michael Ball who's a biggest life prior to tonight was love changes everything I I can tell you from experience Michael the what actually changes everything is having your girlfriend come home to find you prancing around the bedroom in her underwear [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Earful Comedy

Views: 239,414

Keywords: english comedy, Funny videos 2019, funny videos 2018, jokes, dad jokes, stand up comedy, Reece Shearsmith, Trinny Woodall, Michael Ball, Charlie Brooker

Id: n1MLemnFl5c

Length: 28min 24sec (1704 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 05 2019