REDISCOVERING AMERICA: NON-COASTAL FLORIDA

oh thanks to the bat blue light the boys were down in florida on a mission to rediscover everything the sunshine state has to offer and what better place to start than miami an extravagant tropical getaway that serves as the personal playground of the country's most beautiful powerful and influential people and lucky for us one of those people was a close personal friend of ours ornoy's crazy ass he's gonna be giddy when we call him he's trying to get barcelona miami off the ground and who better than us hey dave what's up what's up dave the uh the boys are in miami and uh i don't know we were wondering if we could maybe head over to your place we don't really know what we're doing around here [Music] you have three big boys i'm sure you can figure it out i don't need a cocaine cowboy in my [ __ ] house [Music] all right well thanks boss if you have a change of heart we're only going to be like 10 minutes away so we could just all right we could hop on over yeah not pretty good pretty good all right cool man enjoy all right good seeing you guys it's always a pleasure bye so he wants nothing to do with us let's leave them [ __ ] this commercial [ __ ] yeah i'm tired everything's superficial here i'm tired of the [ __ ] lines the packed crowds of tourists kids walking around everywhere i don't want that but where can we go cause like the whole coast of florida it's all touristy leave the coast let's go inland now there's an idea yeah the real florida orlando was for all intents and purposes an overcrowded over-commercialized hell hole this isn't the real florida this isn't it at all we're the only attractions without an hour wait were a denny's claw machine cleaning this [ __ ] place out what's up dorks and a hot pot spot famous for being staffed by robot slaves okay you guys follow her okay oh to her yeah i'm wondering about that's fine i am going now worth it can the robot just talk or can she listen too it's it's it's a modified [ __ ] roomba dude get out of the way let's get out of here guys that was i have been this robot's biggest cheerleader but it's only true out of this whole group and i tried to dab her up and she just yells at me it was clear we wouldn't learn about the real florida hanging out with its most futuristic residents nope to do that we'd have to get up close and personal with the state's original inhabitants gators [Music] first we're going to reel them in with fishing rods and then we're going to wrassle them what yes that's that's why you're here i think i could do it nah [Music] [Music] [Music] oh coming up near you nick yeah yeah yes god damn it k.b you want to come tell him come tell him baby [Music] [Music] teamwork [Music] kyle push straight down front of the top of his nose push straight down straight down grabbing both hands come here i got him oh [ __ ] jesus christ there you go you did it all right now pull one of your wrestler moves on them [Music] oh my god when you wrestle them like what do you do you don't actually wrestle just yeah i think you took that you look good trying to get some back points yeah near fall oh he's trying to back up well done kyle one down boys felt like i was at the 2009 buckeye local panther classic we all know that we all know what happened there yeah yeah hey i got it for you come on we got another one put it in the dick holster trying to give him a little i feel your lumbar support for your penis [Music] oh the bat gets me hard here you go yeah it's like popeye spinach a couple sips of these and i'm as hard as a rod oh yeah there you go let's go let's win it we may not be good gator fishing but we're good at beer really oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh it is not on anymore yeah the whole time wait it just a steak we actually had a gator i swear that's embarrassing that's heavier than it [ __ ] looks so he's reeling this one in after our last performance we don't want to risk that avenue again i would love to get back on one of those bad boys now reel reel that one's up oh my god daniel is he didn't get a rope on him please this is my first rodeo if you wanted to throw out a lasso first man i ever [Music] that's not what kyle did i hate that right up under here push this straight up straight in front of him just easy yep straight up push it push it push it there you go now grab it oh geez yeah yeah donny but listen if he rolls out of your hands you can bite the headlights oh sh all right let's go yeah yeah we got enough phones here let's go get a beer yeah all right donny all right dom i got him we'll be back in a little bit happy hour all right cool i got him what did we learn here today folks don't judge an outdoorsman by his garb because no one expected us to be able to grapple two gators and that's exactly what we did and we did it without any help no professional aids just on our own it was just us and it was just us it was easy unbelievable i forgot oh god i just poked from the eye how did you forget i was on a game you can never let your guard down around a florida gator but not everything in the waters of florida will murder you if given the chance in fact weeki wachee springs state park is home to the world's only population of real life mermaids [Music] we're going to be able to do a quick interview with mermaid denise through our shell phones coming over here now hey how are you denise are you okay are you good so if um a young merman or mer boy wanted to do what you do do you guys offer any sort of internship or anything like that man i'm kind of nervous i've never talked to him or made years it's been a while it's been a long time uh how is everything yeah can you hear it can you hear us yeah the service is bad i think she's a little more focused on breathing sure yeah yeah not like it is in the movies huh more real [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] kyle had found love and i had finally found my true calling [Music] but for some people in florida finding love is their true calling so your name is dennis dayton and um you are the biggest gigolo in the villages i have a system for picking up oh nice and it works you just kind of be laid back time and then you get to know him and then after two or three meets then you hit him with it and say you have a system yeah yeah what's your name dennis oh the dennis system yeah yeah more than anything yeah i would meet these women by doing the handyman work i've been telling you guys handymen get the most [ __ ] uh yeah it's not even cool you have been telling us that it all stopped it's true it really is it's better than owning a nightclub are you on like are you on the clock right now are you looking for for work i'm not really working for looking for work okay i'm just looking for a meal ticket oh yeah have you ever picked up a chick at the cemetery no but at a at a celebration of life i picked up a runway funeral yeah let's go let's go on a celebration i didn't miss too many tricks and so i used to crash funerals yeah i would go through the obituaries and when i would find somebody that with money like a car dealer first i'd meet the widows and oh my god so that was a lot of fun and then when i told i told this 2am undertaker woman that owned a funeral home a bunch of cute good looking girl too i said you know i used to press funerals she thought oh that was disgusting it's a celebration of life yeah we assumed dennis dean was the biggest predator on the prowl in florida's interior but we assumed wrong we're here at the skunk ape research headquarters and we are about to talk to an expert the expert the foremost expert in the skunk ape community universe universe david shealy the everglades has always been a place that people go to escape yeah and that's been the case throughout history whether it be uh plume hunters alligator hunters rum runners murderers and the indians you snuck murderers in there oh yeah yeah you know there there's been uh i think every mass murderer in the country at one time has come down u.s 41 i mean so you never know who's going to pull in and yeah so it's still true today guys you have your machete with you uh you're gonna come out here you need a machete my son got me this i just learned how to use it you cut diagonally oh okay don't try to cut down just a little then you can now the main reason we came here to talk to you is about the skunk a it's just something i took an interest in a serious interest and i started investigating sightings i've been lucky i've seen skunk games three times so is there any overlap between the bigfoot community and the skunk oh yeah yeah he's history here he's been here all his life he's gonna go to the the bigfoot convention in orlando right yeah well we don't talk about that don't bring that up i don't want to get into it it's ridiculous okay so this month they're having the bigfoot convention in orlando okay people from all over the world going i wasn't even invited i don't get it i don't know but there's people that are upset about it they invited bigfoot people to the skunk game conference jeff mongram he's going to be there he's a he's like a scientist or something people want me to like get mad yeah but i'm mad yeah a lot of people are mad but i'm not going to get mad i'm not going to play that game my research is my research it is what it is and dave was more than happy to share his extensive groundbreaking research with us in the 90s there was a rash of sightings and i took 27 photographs and those went worldwide and those photographs were taken just right right over here right right off to the right of the buggy just ahead but what's what's really trending right now is the video of the skunk cape running across the marsh i i don't want to sound braggadocious because that that's not who i am at all but my video is a hundred times better than the patterson and gimlin film uh it was hd film hd footage it's been reviewed and reviewed and reviewed and to this date no one has even attempted to discredit me some of the people who've looked at the video not even knowing there's two foot of water underground look at it when it's running and say it's running faster than a linebacker it's as swift as a deer there's no way in hell that that could be somebody in a gorilla suit all right and a side note this trail uh was used for smuggling marijuana uh over over a half a million pounds out of colombia you know people do things i got involved in the marijuana smuggling um i ended up going to prison for three years i was in the air force and i was just part of growing up what i was doing was wrong i guess we all have our demons yep all right we're gonna roll along here [Music] they have legends and the swamps around here other things and skunk apes they have the legend of the little people another a monster called big ears did the native americans have some legends about mermaids i don't know i mean i'll have to ask do you believe in mermaids i believe there was that humanity split from the water at some point in evolution do you think there could be a mermaid human relationship yeah definitely i think it's been proven i've had relationships with mermaids but i don't know if i should talk about it feel free no current ones no yeah my last not no no there's not a chance in hell nothing against you i mean do you think if you go back far enough the skunk ape is part of the same homo family that we are because i know there was like homo erectus they were the small homos that lived in java i think that was like the like the pygmies yeah no the indonesian pygmies yeah but at one point there was 10 different types of homos all around the planet you're damn right yeah you're pretty well versed on this yeah yeah intelligent done my background research yeah oh that's my phone might be a skunk exciting yeah it could be there's only rings not many people got my number this is great hello dave it's sarah sarah hey sarah how what you what are you doing i am sitting here doing taxes and living on a farm i need chickens as soon as i can get them i'm pretty sure that you can feed them ducklings also okay and they grow a hell of a lot faster than chickens so okay right away call me later bye bye bye i forgot to do my taxes yeah at this point we could get off the buggy and walk that's [ __ ] but is it skunk [ __ ] i mean it tastes pretty skunky you're putting [ __ ] in your mouth what better way to wash down [ __ ] than with a little bat [Laughter] can you like taste the ape like you know do you ever do those things that you see in movies where they they put their finger and then they go like this no no okay the skunk ape emits an odor and that's how it got its name it emits an odor yeah a strong smell oh i smell it i smell a lot yeah because i'm tracking them all the time smell like really good marijuana have you ever heard of skunk ape weed i have not yeah it's it's available so dave you were saying these are skunk ape tracks you found yeah i have over 200 tracks that i've collected the last 40 years here in the preserve this one i did a show with little yachty he left and the next day i went to the location and there was certainly tracks there do they make a sound at all [Music] so i don't do a lot of calling because that gives away my location but if i were to call that's how i do it do you have a drone um no i've never really flown a drone clones are for the prima donnas yeah there's this one girl that flies drones man yeah you wanna you wanna see your pitcher yes yeah okay let me get it sweet a woman droning what a surprise that's just the yeah side but that's my favorite side i think we need some drone footage i went to her i went to her mom's house to do the snake show and her mom too and her mom's got pictures of her on the refrigerator like she had a calendar made of her daughter yeah and it's all her butt see she's kidding me that's her that's it yeah yeah i mean she's got legs and all your speed yeah we were stimulated by dave's research but we had to continue our journey and it just so happened that the most requested place we visit was in the skunk apes backyard just want to shout out all of our followers who told us to come to lake okeechobee it's one of the only lakes in the country that can compare to the five great ones and wow this place is unique because it sucks [ __ ] dick and you can't even see the lake because there's a moat in front of it with crocodiles we're looking at a river right yeah but if you had a size activities we could do what did you guys used to do on the ohio river we would literally we would go and litter we'd see what art human secretion back in the van back in the van let's go don't throw [ __ ] in there you can't come on another trip the lake didn't live up to the hype but luckily we found another roadside attraction that actually seemed to have some potential welcome to spook hill as the legend goes an indian chief was buried here and now things get spooky but what is going to happen apparently you you put your car in neutral the white line over there and then the car will like roll up the hill defying gravity it says roll back well that's what cars do where they roll back right so what's the difference it's at the base of us maybe the steepest hill in florida how is this any different no that can't be it has to roll up yeah online it said your car will roll up the hill yeah and it's like either due to the indian spirit what does it say it goes is the gator seeking revenge or is the chief protecting his land that reads like a mad lib yeah all right well let's just let's let's put the car in nooch and see what happens first of all don't shorten neutral secondary all right let's go let's go spook some [Music] nooch [Music] okay here it comes you guys ready all right on the count of three pop it into troll troll let's just call it nooch yeah yeah all right on the count of three pop it into nooch three two one nugent [Music] wow had given us a taste for the paranormal and we were hungry for more luckily close by was the town of cassadaga which is home to the largest population of psychics in the southeastern united states welcome to cassadaga's spiritualist camp the energy that we are feeling here today in the camp is just being enhanced by these guys um it's amazing they are definitely at a higher vibration than some today we're going to do a seance we'll visit the ferry trail we have a few people getting a reading and we'll do healing so it will be a kaleidoscope of energies all good and positive [Music] now i know you said you were more interested in the here and now but i'm aware of a female stepping forward from the spiritual side of life and i mean a deceased loved one and i feel like she's a grandmother to you so um we usually have two grandmothers and i feel like there was one grandmother that you were closer to than another would you agree with that yes no right thanks what was her first name please william and lillian was how old when she passed away she's actually still alive but she's 101. she's up there sometimes if i think somebody's disease and they're not usually they're having some local mental clarity issues okay they're floating on the other side a little bit but your grandma loves you very much and she wants you to do well after successfully determining that my 101 year old grandma loves me and might die soon we knew this psychic was the real deal and decided to delve deeper uh i guess one question i had if you sensed anything in terms of like if my co-workers like me if they enjoy my presence if they don't like you what the hell do you care true yeah we're not talking about love interests we're talking about colleagues what if you love some of your colleagues so if you're talking about a real love interest just give me their name we'll just call the person kb okay i need a sex and an age he's male i think he's probably 27. beautiful eyes very inquisitive strong personality sometimes gets pissed off about nothing at all and has nothing to do with you so you're taking personal their reaction to things and i would highly recommend that you just decide what i'm going to do is not play your game um how's your love live just who's your most recent partner if you don't want to get into it on camera that's fine with me i don't care it's entirely up to you jesse jesse is the guy correct i'm sorry it's one of those names the medium was learning entirely too much about us so we opted to go for a frolic down the ferry trail before things got awkward fairy park was designed uh must be about 10 years or so ago relax nick was that a fairy it might have been a fairy oh dragonflies are wonderful things they land on me all the time they scare me oh that's [ __ ] just wait until you see a spirit dragonflies or that was my nephew coming through to me these are very real energies and some people have the ability to transfer the energy into a visual elementals are gnomes fairies leprechauns and and elves elves can be little devils a devilish elf would be an orc i'm not familiar with the term orc this is where you would find them no would it be but they will try all true well they can because when you're looking outside of yourself and you're looking at somebody who has what you perceive as a nicer car you know oh jeez his wife is nice to her that jealousy factor can bring out the orc just to be sure there wasn't an orc hiding inside of kyle darlene offered to perform a spiritual healing on him today we're going to do a spiritual healing we do not need to know where the healing needs to go because the healing will go where it is and you're just a little firecracker aren't you baby do you want to feel my xiphoid process i i just you just have a lot of energy and sometimes it turns anxious on you all right my circadian rhythm isn't right oh you're fine infinite spirit housed in this real human body choosing to live life in light and love at the highest vibration in this wonderful state of abundance that we have created living in hope to love learning with joy to love self and to better be able to love others sometimes your hands will shake when you do this there's an incredible amount of energy emanating [Music] hello [Music] hello [Music] uh [Music] oh no jeez i appreciate it you have a bunch of crap in there don't you honey i know um some of the people around you are just irritating the ever loving heck out of you right now and you've been dealing with it and and it's on your last nerve as it were it's okay to step away from that but those external forces are draining you um one of them is is a jealous energy i'm always looking at what you have what you have what you have and will continually take a compliment and turn it into a backhanded slap in the face um and and it's me it's it's mean-spirited and yet they'll be the one to say i love you bro yeah that's where that comes from um and you probably recognize that person um because i you just are emanating it right now because i'm talking about it so i hope that was helpful yes it was thank you so much it's really been a joy working with you guys today and all of you have abilities of your own that should you ever wish to clear your head enough in that busy busy mind that monkey mind that you have you'd be amazed at the abilities that would surface darlene believed we all had spiritual powers of our own so to put them to the test we asked to participate in a seance led by a spiritual reverend with a doctorate in metaphysics what we're going to do today is transfiguration or what we call a transfiguration sense and ectoplasm is what we call spirit energy it enters the room it'll enter the cabinet but it will unfold a person and a spirit will appear over my face okay and that's for you guys to notice that change okay so that's basically what we're going to do and the reason we use red lights is because ectoplasm is better seen through red lights and that's been proven scientifically can we turn our electronics up that would be helpful we couldn't agree on which of our deceased loved ones to contact so instead combined our powers in hopes of contacting a beloved co-worker who left us too soon uh hi i live in arizona now i live in arizona i live in arizona now he's starting to look a lot like ringsie like a younger son do you think his face reflects the spirits that are entering the room they will overlap they will overlay and sometimes there have been people that will recognize specific people as one of you are [Music] we were never close with sam while he was with us and i think that's one of our biggest regrets is that you know we didn't take advantage of the time we had with him yeah because i'm seeing you're just getting a little bit more plumper yeah and a little softer looking his eyes are like starting to bolster to me it looks like each of his eyes is looking in a different direction why are you laughing i'm thinking about the one time i'm thinking about a good memories with it laughing is good it raises the energy it raises the vibration that's just how i grieve sometimes but there's there was another transition here now again some sort of like transfusion thing is he wearing a polo shirt that looks like a scarf sometimes i'll see orbs because i'm seeing orbs up around the top but it can't be streaks too golf ball or is that like some of them are smaller i mean you will see words of both sides but what i'm seeing is something that's a little bit bigger i've been expanding oh my god my eyes are like whoring right now sorry i'm sorry do not be embarrassed this happens all of the time it's human human meat the spirit center of you you're you're making this stop oh man okay this is intense sorry should we be more quiet no no you can do whatever you want people are meant spirit every one of us has the energy and the emotions that you're feeling will raise that and like right now the face is morphing again for me for a minute there i saw a black dude really yeah our time in cassadaga was spiritually draining so afterwards we went to a liquor store to replenish our spirits [Music] so far on this trip we had hunted predators fell in love with aquatic goddesses and searched for mythical creatures but of all the legends florida had to offer there was only one that reigned supreme and i was able to contact him via facebook major development what the bertie higgins is willing to meet up with us i don't have a [ __ ] goal that is oh you're top rock legend this guy is a big deal in florida oh you got to see donny's new video we interviewed bertie higgins dude he had a number one hit number one on what adult contemporary charts key largo it's huge he opens now we always are out of the way it's just like an hour and a half tarpon springs we can get a sponge there too it's like the sponge capital of the united states we can just do anything else humor me okay significantly more famous than bernie not in the 80s do you guys know him no i don't know what the [ __ ] down he's saying let me see those parrots we made it to tarpon springs and donny wasn't lying it really was a sponge lover's paradise what a sucker made out like a bandit but while we did meet some of bertie higgins friends do you happen to know who bertie higgins is yeah we're good friends sailing away to key largo birdie himself was nowhere to be found and had stopped responding to my facebook messages you were hoping to see him but i don't know if this trip is gonna work well if birdie was gonna ghost us we'd just have to settle for the next best thing chris diamond a birdie higgins super fan i discovered while scrolling through birdie's facebook page there's a gentleman down in tarpon springs florida by the name of bernie higgins he's my hero chris diamond is a one-man band who's been performing at rv parks around florida for 20 years and he promised that if we could make our way to ocala north rv resort he'd be happy to put on a show for us thank you all for coming today i'm chris diamond along with sean sims we have some friends here that's going to do a little filming today so uh you know we want to welcome them let's give them a big hand i got to tell you something you know i was always faithful to budweiser yes i think i'm going to switch this here all right this is some serious beer here folks i don't know if you've ever tried it but uh it's pretty good yeah all right we're gonna start off with jimmy buff with music right now just for my friends over here they like jimmy buffett so let's get it going hey if you want to dance come on now let's get the party going yeah well i don't know well i don't know but i don't know where i'm gonna go in the volcano well i don't when did you first become a fan of bertie higgins probably early 70s i used to work in clearwater florida and around saint pete and bertie was working another place he had all the girls there and i was kind of envious of him and we remained friends over the years and i opened shows up for him now from time to time have you ever used his name to get laid or you probably don't even have to no no i just you know it's they say chris diamond the girl's pants come off clean up yeah see diamond that's all it takes that sounds real smooth did you ever uh play while people were getting sucked off behind you yeah yeah that's happened to me a couple times i was in a howard johnson's restaurant fort wayne indiana and that was going on behind the wall where i was saying oh it did it actually did yeah and uh the sign of a star my brother was there and told me about it but i wasn't involved in himself nothing like this would have a [ __ ] am i right there you go yeah why did you fall in love with florida what about florida basically when you meet nice people they're here from all over [Music] y'all having fun out there yet we're giving out 500 for the best slow dancers here's going to be the judge ladies and gentlemen right here [Music] you might have seen him on america's got talent you might have seen him with the poor nose i mean you might have seen in one of them stores yeah you walk through the crowd one time then go back through it again and put your hand over the top and fix the weapon does that sound good yeah yeah it's getting hot right here right here here we go we're here with the owner sean i didn't know what to expect coming to an rv park in florida but this place has blown me away it's the next gold rush it really is we thought you know making a an app for an android phone or an iphone was a hot market really the rv industry is on fire everyone wants an rv and younger people are starting to want to my cousin he's 35 yeah right that's right let me tell you rv parks sure know how to throw down see diamond even invited me to get on the mic and sing some birdie higgins would you just grace us with a bernie higgins song all right should i do the whole song or just like come here i'll give them a little backup all right yeah wrapped around each other tried so hard to stay warm that first cold winter together lying in each other's arms watching those old movies fun in love so desperately honey i was your hero and you were my leading lady [Music] we're gonna send that to bernie higgins and he's gonna love it he's gonna love it he let me hop on the phone with birdie too hey birdie i'm with chris diamond right now and let me tell you he puts on one hell of a show tell him i got a bigger dick than his yeah chris diamond wanted me to tell you he has a larger dick than you yeah that's right yes you're right we love you bertie i appreciate you you know that we were having the time of our lives and finally starting to feel like real florida men and it was all thanks to ocala north rv resort and shout out sean for hosting us he's putting us up in a nice rv out there you're really making us feel at home and all they asked for in return was help cutting a commercial for one of their rv vendors [Music] cottage it's a portable cottage and you can put this [ __ ] thing anywhere who needs a trip to key largo when you have an island in your own cottage and look at this italian cream leather couch it'll put you right to sleep unless you just want to relax stay awake like me this is a sheepherder wagon this is back when men were men and sheep were scared with a bed stove coffee grinder imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun the [ __ ] sun well now you don't have to be with this awning steve jobs promised us a smart home but then he died look at all these buttons and look at the size and comfort of this room it can fit a mom a dad a whole group of kids and it's got a mirror so you can watch yourself sleep if you wanted to [Music] come on down to the rv swap shop yeah come on down to the rv swap shop come on come on don't be shy get over here tell him donnie sent ya [Music] sadly it was then time for us to leave the park and head back to the coast but it was reassuring to know that if we ever returned whether it be on vacation or running from a felony charge we'd have a bunch of new friends in florida's interior waiting for us well boys we survived non-coastal florida yeah and we avoided being a florida man headline too yeah we're probably five minutes away from one of those very close i'm just glad we finally made it to the coast so we can just relax same here you know what i can see the appeal of non-coastal florida but i'm more of a beach guy yeah much better this is better actually that water looks nice let's take a little tip [Music] huh [Music] look like a [ __ ] ice cream [Music] hmm [Music] [Applause] [Music] how do you greet someone you say hi well yeah nobody really says hi anyway i'm gonna say hi you

Channel: The Wonton Don

Views: 182,960

Rating: 4.9603219 out of 5

Keywords: barstool, bertie higgins, donnie does, everglades, florida, kb, miami, nick, orlando, portnoy, rediscovering america, wonton don

Id: KrvulAwlFG4

Length: 47min 18sec (2838 seconds)

Published: Wed May 12 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/LastedPants]

KB legit wrestling that gator was wild

[u/bstool]

Them cracking at the Riggs scene had me dying

[u/MikeyTbT123]

Lol KB's blurred out dick while talking to the D.E.N.N.I.S. system guy was the icing on the cake for that weird ass conversation

[u/tittylover007]

These videos are just showing how much of a crazy person KB is. Only happy in genuine danger

[u/sixplaysforadollar]

Nick and KB trying to hold it together during the seance of Sam got me lol

"This is intense"

[u/AustinH20]

KB’s scene with the mermaid was hilarious

[u/Desperate_Answer_997]

This skunk ape guy can’t be real

[u/W2000m27]

The Riggs segment was the hardest I’ve laughed at a piece of Barstool content in a long time

[u/Spaceholder]

Nicks trying not to laugh face is hysterical