- Memes. Memes! Memes (chuckles). All right, we're about to react to medical, I guess they're
not medical, dog memes. And I brought my good friend, Bear. Bear, you're gonna laugh at these, right? (Bear barking) Yay, you're gonna laugh at them. Memes, high-five. Oh, you almost punched me. Other high-five. Yeah, memes, high-five. Peewoop! "Where do you see yourself in 20 years?" Me, "Turning into a dog." Honestly, I think owners
look like their dogs. I don't know how that is true
because we're not related to our dogs, but maybe our
selections are based off that. So do you think I look like this? Do I look like you? "Look for the girl with the broken smile." This is, one heck of a broken smile. "When the doctor takes
an x-ray of my heart." Oh, it's a little wiener dog. I love wiener dogs, they're so cute. They have so much personality. They do yap a little bit too much. They do kind of, ignore your commands but otherwise, they're really sweet and they love to snuggle. And honestly, medically, I would say you have
cardiomywieneropathy (chuckles). Wienermegaly, cardiomegaly means
you have an enlarged heart, wienermegaly means you have a large, (signal beeping) Friend, "It's a short trip, pack only what you need,"
me (chuckles), "the dog." Bear, you always wanna go in the suitcase, but you can't fit. "I searched for my dog for 20 minutes." Oh my God! That's literally Bear. Bear, this is you. Bear looks like a bear rug
on the floor most times. Do you remember when Bear was little? He used to lay on my lap like this and I could just pet him like that. Now his head's bigger than
his whole actual body. Borkers, Yorkers, Boofers,
Yippers, Yoofers, Woofers. I understand what a Yipper is, they're kind of like yippie dogs. A Yoofer, I kind of get
too, they go (barks). Borkers go (barks). Bear, you would be in the
mix of a Boofer and a Borker. I would ask him to bark but I'm 99% sure he won't do it. Bear, if I had treats you'd listen to me. "You have one hour to eat 500 nuggets, who do
you choose to help you?" Honestly, I think if
I put out 500 nuggets, Bear eats all of them in 1:47. I wish we could test it in a healthy way but we probably can't
without hurting Bear. "What's your ideal work environment?" Yes, honestly, Bear
sitting, but not on my lap. He's too heavy for that. He'll break the chair. We just weighed him in
at 130 the other day. Him sitting at my feet
keeping my feet warm, that's the way to go. "Lost dog, doesn't bark much, well-behaved, likes Metallica." This reminds me of Friends when they used to have the pet duck. Oh look, it's... Oh, I forgot the name of this dog. It's a Whippet. - [Sam] It looks close. - Looks close, right? - [Sam] Yeah, close enough. - It's either a Whippet or some kind of... No, I think it's a Whippet. See, I know my dog breeds. ♪ Let me do it for you ♪ - "My owner has been
gone for 0.02 seconds." 9-1-1, "Have you tried eating the couch?" Okay, Bear doesn't eat the
couch 'cause he's a good boy. The secret to having your dog not eat the couch is crate
training them early on. That way when they're in the crate, they're not gonna
be eating eating the couch. When they come out of the crate, you could visualize what they're doing and make corrections as needed, and only allow them out of the crate under direct observation
to make those corrections. Right, Bear? That's why you don't eat
the couch, gimme a kiss. (quirky instrumental music) No. Kiss? Oh, thank you. Yeah, you don't eat the
couch but you eat my face. Dare I say, chihuahua muffin? Come on, it's a chihuahua muffin. Honestly, blueberry muffins are one of my favorite foods and
I grew up eating them and I kinda hate that I did, 'cause I think that's what secretly
destroyed my cholesterol. You have no idea how much saturated fat and fat there is in muffins. A muffin, you would think is just like, "Oh, it's like a little
snack," no, it's not a snack. It's a hidden treasure trove of saturated fat and calories and carbs. "Jurassic bark." Oh my God, Bear has a Halloween
costume of a dinosaur. We'll put it on shortly. ♪ Don't stop retrievin' ♪ ♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪ Feline (chuckles), I
can't pronounce feline. Bear, do you like cats? I'm gonna do this. This is gonna get me in trouble. If this video gets 300,000 likes, I will consider getting Bear a pet cat that looks just like him, a brown cat. Do they make brown cats? - [Sam] Yes. - Corgia? South Corgilina? North Corgilina? You know what's funny? The other dog that I was
considering getting Bear as a friend was a Corgi, 'cause I feel like I've
grown out of the phase of wanting a very athletic dog. I want a chill dog. Bear is a very chill dog. But imagine having two chill dogs. You'd have them smile at each
other like this all the time. Look, "Cheese." "Let me in so I can tell you I
wanna go back outside again." Yeah, that's most dogs. That's why I'm happy Bear
doesn't have a a doggy door so I could just keep him inside
all the time, right, newf? You know, Bear reminds
me of those troll dolls. Look at that. How do you feel about his Mohawk? Look at that. "I'm not fat, I'm just a little husky." Aww, and it has two different color eyes. Those are so cute. You gotta try and keep your dog not obese because dogs that carry extra
weight, live shorter lives. They have problems with their hips. So that's why we're trying
to keep Bear nice and trim. I don't mean his hair, 'cause
that's clearly not trim. But his body is very nice. You could just barely feel his ribs. So you know he's in a good body habitus. "CPR not working, let's hide the body." That's funny. Bear does that all the time. Especially, if I'm lying down. "Does your dog bite?" "No, it's worse, she judges." When Bear comes up to people and people are like, "Oh,
my God, can I pet your dog?" I say, "Yeah, sure, just be careful." And as soon as I say,
"Be careful," they panic. But what I'm saying is,
"Be careful, he slobbers." Half the people say, "Oh my God, I don't wanna get my clothes
dirty, but he's so cute." And then the other
people welcome his drool on their face as if it's moisturizer. And I'm like, "All right,
you're going too far." "I grab my keys, my dog." Honestly, if I come up to the door and I put on my
shoes, Bear does not react. But if I come on and he hears the jingle of his
leash, that's a game-changer. "Finally, a political
movement I can can get behind. Thor Michaelson says no to vacuums." They're loud and they freak him out. Honestly, Bear doesn't
get scared of vacuums, but if you come next to him with a vacuum and you're vacuuming next
to him, he freaks out and he wants to get away. "Pixar," (chuckles),
Bear, look it's a cone. Well, actually, when
Bear had his surgeries, I didn't get him a cone. I got him this round,
inflatable pillow thing. He seemed to be more comfortable with it. "I almost had a heart
attack this morning." Oh, it kind of does look like a tiger. Oh, that's funny. How is that dog so tall? I don't even know what's
happening here, to be honest. I feel like this is Photoshop. (chuckles) This is the Drake meme? Doesn't like the fireworks,
loves the tennis ball. Honestly, Bear will
fetch maximum, five times and then I don't know if
he's tired or he is over it but he doesn't like fetching
more than five times. "She called you a good dog 1,000 times." "I just remember one time, six years ago when she told me I was
a very, very bad dog." Honestly, I disagree. I think dogs don't
remember anything negative. They only see the best in you. (lips smacking) "I did the math, we can't afford the cat." Oh, Bear, we already
promised them 300,000 likes. Bear, where are you going? Just trying to get comfy? All right, so do you want the cat or not? "Waiting on my luggage." It's a stick. Oh my God, that reminds me of the stick from the short that we put up where it was $295, the
world's most expensive stick. "Would still pet,"
(chuckles) explosive dog. How would we write that? We wouldn't write explosive dog. We would say bomb-sniffing dog. Bear, you're an explosive dog,
you have explosive diarrhea. "A bus full of former
bad boys, headed home from good boy camp." Oh, little doggos with seat belts on. This is the most safe school
bus of dogs I've ever seen. "So your owner made you fetch the ball but they never actually threw it? I'd say you have a strong case for fraud." Bear, go get it. Go, bring it, come on. (Mike applauding) Yeah, that's a good boy. Look, he brought the Roxy
head that he's destroyed. Lay down. Ah, it's dog wars, yeah. Let him entertain himself while I'm... Oh, he's over it. That was quick. "What my dog is called, Charlie. What I call my dog, Poffle, Boofus, Mok, Ponzle, Foffle, Pritchard,
Ernesto, Booshy Boy." Bear's nicknames, Bear,
Floof, Newf, Dewf, Doggo, I think that's it. "This dog comes with two subs." Oh, that's really cute. I have the same backpack for Bear but I use it to hold water bottles when we go hiking to give
him a little extra weight. "Someone should invent an alarm clock where the alarm clock
is the sound of a dog about to throw up because
nothing wakes me up and gets me out of bed faster than that." Honestly, so true. It's actually happened
when we film videos. Weaknesses, worried about their
social status, inflexible? (Bear retching) Did Bear just throw up? And the only reason I get up so quickly is because this dog, for
some reason, will throw up and just lay right back down into it like he's going for a swim. "When I see my coworker's dog in the background of the
video chat," I am that way. And every time Bear pops up into my videos, everyone's
talking about it too. "My emotional support dog
after one day with me." Honestly, I feel like Bear would run out of empathy really quick if he actually knew
what I was talking about when I unload my feelings to him. Actually, that's why he's tired right now. 'Cause last night I was going through it and I couldn't sleep
so I had some anxiety. So I started telling him all my problems. So I think he's carrying
that burden right now. It's not breaking HIPAA
if you tell your dog about your patients, right? "By the age of 30, you
should have a dog, anxiety and a dog (chuckles) with anxiety." Oh, my God. At age 33, I cannot see
a more accurate meme. I have a dog, I have anxiety and I
have a dog with anxiety. Actually, I don't know, he doesn't look like he has much anxiety. "How it feels sharing
the bed with my dog." Oh, my God, that is me. If I let him on my bed, not
only is it incredibly hairy but there's no room, 'cause he's giant. "Do dogs understand elevators or are they like, 'Okay,
it's time to get out into the world changer?'" Every time the elevator
door opens, Bear gets in it. But I don't think he
understands what's happening. I think he just sees a door open and he thinks that's the next step because that's been his
progression for so long. But you know what is interesting? If the elevator stops at a different floor,
he knows not to get off. So what's that about? What does he know about that
floor that I don't know? "Me hungover af trying to
find the ibuprofen aisle." Be careful with ibuprofen
when you're hungover. Your stomach's irritated from alcohol, you have a little gastritis,
ibuprofen can make it worse. "How my dog sees himself
when the doorbell rings." Honestly, Bear acts so hard
when the doorbell rings and then the second someone comes in, he just starts licking
them and welcoming them and showing them where
all the valuables are. He's like the exact opposite of this. "He is pure bread," (laughs). I would like for my
next dog to be a rescue. My biggest concern is where to find one that matches my personality and how that whole process works. So if anyone has tips, hit me down below. "I'm sorry, Jack,
there's not enough room." It's all these dogs. James Cameron just came
out with a statement and said that it's
scientifically not plausible for both of them to have survived. And actually, the book that
I'm reading was interesting in that, they talked about whether or not our emotions would
change if she invited him and he said no, if he asked to come on and then she said no, and how would that affect our viewpoints of these characters? I thought it was a really
interesting discussion. What would you think if
he got on there with her with another person and one of them had to jump off or get pushed off, and she pushed off the other person? What would your thoughts be about her? Did you know that Bear
was actually attacked in a dog park by a Golden retriever? Click here for that full story as well as some tips on what to do in case you witness a dog fight. As always, stay happy and healthy. Oh, and get your merch. You know, you gotta get those organs. It's actually right down below as well. (mellow music)
