r/Bestof "I Got a Girl Pregnant by Kissing Her"

Welcome to our best of redditor updates where a virgin guy thinks that he got a girl pregnant our next Reddit post is from stories about Kevin this is about a Kevin who I went to high school with I didn't know him on a very personal level but we were in the same friend group so we saw each other quite often Kevin was an idiot from 9th to 11th grade here are some of the things that occurred we we had pajama day at our school and Kevin showed up in boxers with a hole in them and Barefoot he was immediately sent home Kevin believed that his birth chicks and only laid eggs as some type of miscarriage Kevin once found a snake in a field stuck it in his backpack and thought that it would be an amazing idea to show to his biology teacher once in English class we had to give a PowerPoint presentation on someone from Greek mythology it was a simple and small assignment that our teacher gave us for an easy a Kevin did his PowerPoint on Hercules based off the Disney movie he got somewhere around 50 percent he later told a friend of ours that he didn't think that it would matter since it was supposed to be accurate we shared American history together and once during an exam a question was something like was Thomas Jefferson an advocate against slavery and Kevin wrote something along the lines of yes because he was also black and was confused why his answer was wrong because he thought Thomas Jefferson was black because of the actor who portrayed him in Hamilton Kevin got a job as a waiter at a local Diner One customer asked if they could have another straw because theirs got accidentally bent and it wasn't sucking properly Kevin proceeded to pick up the customer's drink drink it himself to test it set it back down and gave them another straw Kevin got fired shortly after Kevin thought that Isis was a country in North Korea Kevin thought Judaism no longer existed Kevin decided to streak across the field during a football game wearing a Halloween mask the following Monday Kevin went to the office to ask for his clothes back Kevin got expelled right after doing that I haven't talked to him in a few years but we're still friends on Facebook he's gotten himself a girlfriend who is very known for her heroin addiction and is pregnant God bless that child then five days later Opie posted an update I haven't spoken much to Kevin since he'd gotten expelled from school and our relationship faded into only Facebook updates on each other's lives the other day I was speaking to a friend Sarah who still keeps in contact with Kevin Kevin got brought up in conversation mostly us laughing about the ridiculous things he did in school then I asked Sarah what he was up to now here's something I didn't mention in my original post back in high school Kevin bowed himself to celibacy he didn't want to have intercourse before marriage also despite how strung out his current girlfriend is the only drug Kevin ever used was marijuana I didn't think of mentioning it in my last post because I figured he might have changed his mind and had entered course with his girlfriend my friend Sarah said you know the baby's not even his wait seriously yeah he's a virgin I was confused because Kevin posts on Facebook all the time of how happy he is about becoming a father I asked does he know Sarah shook her head nope he legitimately thinks that he got her pregnant Sarah let me have a moment just to see the astonishment on my face she went on to tell me that when Kevin first told Sarah that his girlfriend was pregnant she asked him when he started having intercourse Kevin said he never did however they do perform oral Kevin believes that his girlfriend swallowed and that impregnated her with his child Sarah and a few other people tried to explain to him that that's just not how it works but he's either just love struck or well just Kevin there's been speculation that the true father is a guy who graduated a few years before us that guy is black Kevin is white his girlfriend is white she's about four months she's about four months pregnant I'll update you in a few months then four months later Opie posted an update first off I need to talk about what's happened over the past four months Kevin's mom and my dad are extremely close and she told my dad that she was gonna make Heaven take a paternity test when the baby's born she wanted to take the test during the pregnancy but Kevin's girlfriend refused finally Kevin did get suspicious by how hostile his girlfriend was being and they got a court order at this point Kevin kicked her out of his apartment until he could confirm the child was his and she moved in with some random guy meanwhile Kevin still provided her with money and rides I don't know all the details involving the court or the paternity test but long story short about a few weeks ago Kevin's now ex-girlfriend gave birth to a little baby girl the girl was white but Kevin is not the father Kevin's mom told my dad who told me and my other friend confirmed I didn't want to intrude on Kevin since I know that this was hard for him but I told him I was sorry and I tried to cheer him up a little I don't know who the father is I don't even think his ex-girlfriend knows the ex-girlfriend still claims Kevin is the father and is a deadbeat who doesn't want to be a good father me and a few others have called her out on numerous lies on Facebook posts but I was blocked Kevin is slowly pulling himself back together and I think he's doing a lot better he definitely feels like a but he's doing good the other day we decided to face time and he was trying to remove Jam toast from the toaster with a butter knife so you know there's that I stopped him from doing that oh man for some people it's honestly amazing that they're still alive how does someone this stupid manage to drive from point A to point B without killing themselves and other people also down in the comments we have this story from Maximum aside I once went on a date with a guy and I went down on him and he had a meltdown because he might have gotten me pregnant I could not convince him otherwise he insisted I had to take Plan B and wouldn't leave my house I was young I was young and I didn't have the confidence I have now so he went to a pharmacy I asked if there were any side effects of Plan B and I was told no so I took one in front of him I never saw him again but he crosses my mind sometimes because I can't get over the fact that anyone over the age of 12 thinks that this is possible our next Reddit post comes from r slash two hot takes so I'm a 26 year old woman and my friend K who's also 26 has been dating Andrew a 25 year old guy for almost a year now honestly until these last months I really like them together and he's assimilated into our friend group really well he's been easy to talk to and he's someone who I thought could be a perfect match for K since the beginning Andrew has always been known for being clumsy occasionally spilling on himself tripping and sometimes just being an overall goof we joke that he's the poster child of a himbo it started with a simple mistake Andrew spilling wine on K's outfit he seems so apologetic and genuinely sorry then a couple of days later at a potluck Andrew bumps into K while she was bringing out a salad bowl causing it to fall on her foot and giving her a pretty nasty bruise again he was apologetic but this time would just rubbed me the wrong way it seemed awkward the way that he had bumped into her and there were more of these accidents like ripping a dress when he was falling trying to catch his balance dropping a bowl of chocolate ice cream on her shoes and spilling an ashtray that landed all over her hair all of this is just giving me a weird feeling like why does it feel like his clumsiness is getting worse also I gotta point out why does the clumsiness only happen to her it's kind of weird he's not being clumsy with anyone else you know recently we were having a movie night Kay was sitting on the floor and I'd gotten up from the couch to get some popcorn when I see Andrew walking over with hot tea I'm thinking there is no way I'm gonna let Andrew spill piping hot tea on K by accident so I get up and say oh thanks for grabbing this do you mind grabbing me popcorn since you're closest and he kinda gets a defensive tone with me saying yeah but let me give this to Kay first I said no it's not a problem I'll give it to her as sweet as possible and took the mug out of his hands and gave it to Kay he seemed kind of distant the whole rest of the evening I talked with one of my friends in our group just about the Tea drama and she said that Andrew might have been pissed off feeling like I was babying him I think that if he's been prone to hurting his girlfriend wouldn't he want to avoid situations that could get her seriously hurts wouldn't you want a friend to help you am I just overthinking this I want to talk to Kay about my concerns soon because I'm really scared for her I just want to be wise in how I speak to her because I don't want her to take anything I say the wrong way any advice would be so helpful then the same day op posted an update this evening I got a text from Andrew it seems that my friend Sarah had told him about the Tea situation he texted hey just wanted to reach out and let you know that I wasn't pissed with you I played it cool and just replied hey no problem man just wanted to make sure all was good with you he messaged me back low yeah why wouldn't I be and I left it alone after that I reached out to Sarah to ask how the story was relayed to him and she explained that it sort of came up in conversation she had told him that I hadn't meant to Baby him and hope that I didn't make him pissed off by taking away the teacup Sarah is a fixer and I think that she just wanted any conflict between us to be resolved while I know that she was coming from a good place I'm a bit frustrated to have my words Twisted into what she believes happened the then op adds a few clarifying details in the comments Andrew's clumsiness while a parent was always self-inflicted like a small spill or mostly tripping over his feet only recently his behavior has become more pointed towards K like it's rarely him who gets injured or spilled on at a party it's only been K also the dress that he ripped was one of her favorites also when he spilled chocolate ice cream on her it completely ruined her heels which were white then three days later Opie posted another update so I talked to Kay this morning I started off the conversation normal when Kay says hey why were you concerned about Andrew bringing me tea I said I'd noticed that he'd been more clumsy lately and I wanted to avoid either of you getting hurt she was quiet for a bit then asks me do you think it's odd how he's been acting considering the advice that I got from these pose I said I care about you and I want you to be safe I don't want to hurt you or Andrew but I feel like most of the accidents have come at your expense I don't want it to get to a point where you have a worse injury this is when K burst out crying like I have never seen after composing herself enough to talk she says that she's been so suspicious of how these accidents have been centered around her and how validating it was to have someone else feel the same way it's been causing her a lot of anxiety and she felt so relieved when I took the teacup away from him she's tried to suggest to Andrew that he should go to a doctor but he just says that he's perfectly fine K isn't confrontational so she just drops it so I said that how recently Sarah Andrew and her were all hanging out together Sarah told Andrew that I was upset that he was hesitant to hand me the teacup and it was a completely different story from what Sarah told me I said something along the lines of hey did you think that I upset Andrew by taking the tea when I asked him to get me popcorn I hope I didn't come off as rude then K told me something really disturbing how during this conversation Andrew and Sarah started joking about K being a battered wife how ridiculous the idea would be if Andrew was really abusing her and some really dark jokes this head cave feeling like she was crazy to think that these accidents might be on purpose also they had said some things about me that made case so upset that she couldn't even tell me Kay said that she felt trapped living with them and how he's intertwined in our group she felt like she needed to wait to have proof that he was faking it to make it worth having a bunch of drama I feel horrible that she's felt so alone in this I was pretty blunt and just asked do you still love him she responded I don't I think I don't even like him anymore so we talked about the best way for Kate to leave Andrew being as safe as possible K called in sick to work and we went over to her house and talked with her friend Leah her roommate Andrew was out at work so we quickly moved all their things into Leah's room she is a key to her door anything that was super sentiment mental to either of them we packed in my car K is going to stay at my house and Leah wanted to stay with a family member who lives not too far away Kay has written a letter to Andrew ending things she's going full no contact she said a date that she expects him to leave he moved in with her so he doesn't have his name on the lease our friend Mike and Corey will be staying at the house this is to ensure nothing will be damaged due to some accidents also to let Kay and Leah know when it's safe to come back thank you all so much for your advice tomorrow I plan to go in a little shopping spree with Kay I just want to do everything I can to alleviate her anxiety so far we know that Andrew has seen the node and he's packing up to leave so far so good then a few weeks later Opie posted another update first off K is safe however last week Sarah dropped by one of our friend's house to leave a letter for Kay in her mailbox it was very odd It Was Written from both Sarah and Andrew's perspectives what saying how hurt they were that the way they've been treated was so unfair that it isn't healthy to go from being someone's everything to just shutting them out entirely they said how they were happier without outside influences and they hoped that K could find the freedom they'd found together they set a lot of gross comments about personal struggles of myself and others in the friend group that paint us as crazy people yo what what they ended it with how they just wanted to move on that this was their goodbyes and they would welcome her back if she ever wanted to reach out to them but would respect her wishes to go no contact Kay went to a psychiatrist she's trying to figure herself out and that's pretty much the end of the updates okay I can actually speak on this I am a very very clumsy person it's not funny it's not cute it sucks in the past year I'm not exaggerating in the past year I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs not from the middle step not from almost a top step but from the very top step tumbled all all the way down it hurt all the way down landed on my butt had a giant bruise it sucked here's a video that I dug up that my wife took of me pushing my daughter on a swing set at the playground and me pretending that she's kicking me and somehow I managed to trip and just completely face plant in the middle of the park we're talking a full-blown face plant as in my face hits the ground at the exact same time as the rest of my body luckily for my pride the face planting happens off camera but I'm just sharing this with you to show you yes I really am that clumsy so trust me when I say I'm extremely clumsy it sucks so bad because I am constantly hurting myself now key word there hurting myself the number of times that my clumsiness has resulted in hurting someone else probably like one or two times in my entire lifetime so this guy always being clumsy towards his girlfriend I just straight up don't buy that's not my experience at all most the time it's just you're by yourself you're getting out of the shower you slip you land on your knee your knee hurts for a week and that's just kind of how it goes also because becomes so clumsy I have learned that I have to develop safeguards against myself so that I don't hurt myself or others every single time that I walk up or downstairs while I'm carrying my child I hold the railing no exceptions I don't care if it's one step two-step three steps I always hold the railing because I know I know Dabney because you're so clumsy you can't afford the risk you have to hold the railing because otherwise you know I actually now that I think about it I'm not even exaggerating two weeks ago I was carrying my daughter down the stairs and I slipped on the stairs and I twisted but because I was holding the railing I was able to keep both of us upright and it was no harm no foul I wear slippers every single I'm wearing slippers right now I wear slippers every single day I'm in a hot Booth you guys I'm in a recording booth it is hot in here it's stuffy I'm wearing hot slippers because I I just wear them all the time because if I don't wear slippers I will fall on my face I literally need the traction I don't care if it's summer and it's 90 degrees I will literally be wearing slippers so the fact that this guy gets upset that you're safeguarding his clumsiness is complete I'm just it just it literally is just because if you really care about not hurting other people with your clumsiness then you specifically go out of your way to safeguard it yo when when okay when our baby was first walking around people would cook and when they cook they have like the uh the handles of the pots out over time out into like the walkway and every single time I'd be like you can't do this we have to turn the handle away so the handle isn't out because it could get pulled or knocked down and then the hot boiling liquid will fall in the baby we can't do this and when I said this at first my wife was like yeah I understand but Lily is way too small to reach the handle it's going to be months and months before that's relevant I said yes that's true but what about me I will knock it down my mistake and I will burn her skin off and then I will have to deal with that for the rest of my life so please accommodate my clumsiness and she's like oh yeah you're right and then she did it so okay I'm saying all these stories just to help you understand I really really am really super clumsy so when they say it takes one to know one I can tell this person is not clumsy this is intentional the amount of clumsiness he has done to her is excessive and him getting upset that the clumsiness is being safeguarded is super toxic and backwards so I am a million percent on your side op this is essentially disguised abuse I feel it in my bones to be true my broken bruised bloodied bones I know it to be true that was 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Channel: rSlash

Views: 328,157

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, bestof, r/bestof, bestofredditorupdates, r/bestofredditorupdates

Id: u9gojM4zthY

Length: 18min 54sec (1134 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 26 2023