rating every book Lisa Simpson reads in The Simpsons on how inappropriate they are for an 8 year old

hello everyone so i truly do not know how we got to this point but today we are going to be rating every book that lisa simpson reads in the simpsons based on how child appropriate those books are that's it that's the video lisa simpson is eight she's eight she is eight years old granted she's been eight for about 32 years but she is still eight years old and she has the most refined taste in literature ever known to humankind or cartoon kind and i realized that she's often depicted actually holding real books see exhibit a i rest my case so like the perfectly sane human being that i am i am going to go through all of them and you know if you thought that doing a degree in english literature would get you nowhere in life you're absolutely correct my friend i just feel like we need more nerd representation on youtube.com and also i'm absolutely buzzing because today's video is brought to you by hellofresh which is the uk's leading recipe box so without further ado let's get on to book number one and that book is the bell jar by sylvia plath this is a book for people who are mentally unstable and suffice to say i loved it i think this is one of those books that you just never ever forget reading so i mean already i'm thinking lisa's taste is immaculate and the story is basically about a woman called esther who moves to new york city for an internship at a fashion magazine and her mental health which kind of deteriorates in the process and she describes her depression as feeling suffocated like being in a belgian there's themes of suicide and sexual assault so i'm feeling like as far as suitability for an eight-year-old goes it's not necessarily what i would read my future kids as like a bedtime story but it does address some quite important issues so i think we need a rating system and i'm thinking that lisa's head kind of looks like a star so let's do it out of five stars but the stars will be lisa heads so five lisa heads will be it's so child appropriate that maggie simpson could enjoy it and then on the other end of the spectrum we have one star one lisa head and that kind of realm is like if you're eight years old and reading this that is going to emotionally scar you so the bell jar gets two lisa heads i think also one thing i will say though is that people tend to read plath exclusively sort of autobiographically and actually i think that's really reductive because the belgian has some fascinating symbolism about food about fashion there's a conversation about the civil war and the death penalty it's so interesting i can't recommend this book enough okay moving on the next book is the brothers karamazov firstly i just want to say that that copy is a catfish that book has been face tuning itself because it is not that skinny in real life look i mean i don't mean to fat shame a book but like she's a mammoth and that's because the russians just had so much to say imagine having that much to say about anything ever i couldn't tell you this much about myself and i've been me for 22 years oh my god wait if i'm 22 then that means that lisa simpson has been eight years old for longer than i have been alive by a decade that's impressive to be fair this book is about morality the role of god free will and it's also about patricide so like killing your own father which in lisa simpson's situation i guess kind of makes sense but i think based on how long and complex this book is i am going to give it 1.5 lisa heads and by the way i should just clarify i've never read this book i own it but i don't think i ever will get around to reading this book because my attention span is the length of a tick tock so the poetry of emily dickinson i love emily dickinson we are putting the simp in simpsons for emily dickinson she's fascinating because she lived most of her life in isolation and actually none of her poetry was published while she was alive her sister found 900 poems like wrapped in twine so her sister was the one who deciphered them and got them all published i would say if you are looking for some short impactful poetry then emily dickinson is your gal the thing is though probably the most prevalent theme in emily dickinson's work or at least what she's most known for is the way that she depicts death for example we have because i could not stop for death he kindly stopped for me the carriage held but just ourselves and immortality i'm gonna give emily dickinson three lisa heads i think for child appropriateness next up we have leaves of grass by what whitman where's my copy there we go there she is let's just blow the dust off of that what whitman is another pioneering american poet and he basically saw the whole european poetry thing that we had going on and he was like okay guys that's cute but i want to create my own uniquely american style of poetry because i'm not like other poets and so leaves of grass is about life and death and democracy and individualism and honestly it's going to get 3.5 lisa heads from me because i feel like it's relatively child appropriate i mean i kind of feel like mumsnet doing this and that is definitely not a good thing i mean i'm not quite as bad as mom's neck yet because i think they would ban this for having the word ass in grass but it's a slippery slope oh the next book is another one that i have and that is anne of green gables now this is an actual children's book and this is what inspired the netflix adaptation and with an e it's about a 13 year old girl called anne shirley who is mistakenly adopted by these two siblings in canada and it's about her time at school at home and in that town that she grows up in but it's also about friendship and family and imagination and christianity so i think this gets five lisa heads this is very much what you would expect an eight-year-old to read okay this one is called how to cook humans um i think this would get one lisa head for you know cannibalism it's the bare minimum but i'm pretty sure that the joke here is that lisa blows some dust off of the cover and it actually says how to cook 40 humans and she's like oh my god what the hell and then she blows off some more dust and it's actually how to cook for 40 humans so it's actually just a mass catering book and so in which case that would be five lisa heads but speaking of cooking let's go join me in my kitchen and here we are welcome to the kitchen what's cooking good looking we are cooking using a hello fresh recipe box where basically you can choose from 35 amazing recipes every single week and then hella fresh will box out all fresh seasonal ingredients in the exact quantities that you need so there's no waste and then with your ingredients you get these step-by-step recipe cards so you can learn how to cook it today i'm cooking this oh my god last night it's the most incredible chicken and aubergine noodle thing and it was beautiful my compliments to the chef which was me i love it because it's making me cook so many more interesting dishes and it's actually showing me how to cook them and if i can do it it's quite literally idiot proof and so if this sounds like your street use the code jack edwards and you can get 50 off your first box and 35 off your next three boxes after that lucky sausage get on it the link is down below genuinely i can't recommend this enough i am loving it okay the next book is called the book of british smiles and raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by the simpsons that's a violation oh my god not prince charles oh dude i can't even lie you can always tell british people buy our teeth all the men in my family have a gap in our front teeth which we call the edwards gap so i can't even i can't even pretend this isn't true one lisa head terrifying on to the next one now this is kurt vonnegut's full collection i think the other one in the front is cat's cradle now the only vonnegut book that i've read is slaughterhouse5 which is a book about someone who is an american soldier in germany and he's captured as a prisoner of war in dresden and that's actually what happened to kurt vonnegut himself and so that character is basically incredibly traumatized he deals with ptsd and he kind of imagines that he time traveled and was abducted and taken to an alien planet and then held in a zoo on their planet thinking about it now the aliens also abduct an adult movie star and bring her to the zoo to mate with billy who's the main character so in terms of child appropriateness that's gonna get a big whopping one lease ahead from me the book is very good though although it's completely absurd and the first line is all of this happened more or less so you kind of have this like unreliable narrator and i would recommend that is an iconic book speaking of iconic books gravity's rainbow this book is a red flag and anyone who says it isn't is colorblind like if someone tells you that they've read this book in its entirety i would suggest running very very far because you don't know what else they're capable of to put this into perspective this book is described as one of the longest most difficult most ambitious novels of all time and i truly don't believe that anyone's actually ever read it if you have then i applaud you but also i am afraid of you as part of my degree i had to read the crying of lot 49 which is also by thomas pynchon and it's like a tenth of the length and it was still enough to put me off for life so i've googled gravity's rainbow and apparently one of the main motifs is sadomasochism so you know those themes added to the length of the book i think that this is going to be a one lease ahead for me and actually lisa simpson doesn't even read it herself in this clip she's actually just admiring that someone else has read it which is very relatable and so basically she's like oh my god you're reading gravity's rainbow and then that girl is like rereading it and that tells you everything you need to know about the type of people who would read this book i would not touch it with a very long stick next we have every jd salinger book except the catcher in the rye which is very annoying because the only jd salinger book i've read is catcher in the rye so um let's just skip this one the next book is called greatest sport injuries and this is not a book i've read but based on the decapitated head on the cover i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this probably isn't what you want your child reading that's gonna be a one lease ahead which is one less head than that man now has attached his body too soon moving on ah grimm's fairy tales now that's fun so on one hand these are fairy tales and some of the most iconic and well-known fairy tales of all time so you have like snow white rapunzel hansel and gretel rumpelstiltskin the pied piper so many famous stories but these stories by the brothers graham are actually quite gruesome and twisted and dark probably a lot more dark than you imagine and kind of how we've had them disney fied to us i think i'm gonna go for four lisa heads because you know what life isn't a fairy tale and the sooner that you learn that the better that was so morbid where did that come from speaking of creepy we have the telltale heart which is a reference to edgar allan poe i've said it before i'll say it again i am an edgar allen ho the telltale heart is this little story where the narrator is basically trying to convince the reader that he is sane so basically like me with my youtube channel the narrator then kills an old man and by the way this is where the parallels between me and the story stop but the whole time he's like i love the old man he's so sweet essentially trying to convince the reader that it was an accident but like he killed him and the police come over to investigate the disappearance of this old man and they don't think the narrator is guilty at all but eventually he just gets so nervous and paranoid that he just confesses to the whole thing so it's a great story it is a bit gruesome but i'm gonna give this two lisa heads i think next one is public nudity uh codes and statutes so i'm gonna give that a whopping one lisa head out five because she's eight on the other hand the tintin comics i mean this gets a big fat five lisa heads because it's actually written for children and now we come to harry potter by she who must not be named this book is lisa's childhood obsession just like for so many of us obviously quite literally so magical these books are just phenomenal if only there was a spell to fix jk trolling from being a turf and i guess i just wanted to add here that trans women are women and if you identify as that then you're important and you are valid and you are worthy regardless of what someone you may have once idolized has said publicly i'm so sorry that she would invalidate everything about you and although she is a literal cartoon i believe that lisa simpson would feel the same so harry potter gets five lisa heads transphobia gets zero okay so this is the bookmobile where lisa recommends that they stock anything by jane austen and yes i agree emma and northanger abbey are the best jane austen novels i will die on this hill austin is a legend and for child appropriateness this gets four lisa heads to be honest ah so this is where lisa meets amy tan who wrote the joy luck club and i haven't read this book but i've just read a wikipedia article on it so i'm ready to mansplain it to you now so apparently it's a book about people playing the chinese game mahjong and eating food which sounds like a vibe by the way and the book is literally structured like a game of mahjong that is so sick i'm not being funny as soon as i finish filming i'm ordering that book because that sounds incredible and thank you queen of literature lisa simpson i appreciate the recommendation man and superman this one is a play honestly it's the range for me and again there's a theme here i own a copy of this but i haven't yet read it and this play kind of satirizes the difference between the sexes and it's about the author's belief in the conflict between man as the kind of spiritual creator and women who he saw as the guardian of sort of biological continuity so it's kind of outdated but not necessarily not child appropriate so i'm just gonna give it three lisa heads because apparently i'm just feeling lazy charlotte's web this is five solid lisa heads right there however i do have to say i do have mixed opinions on this basically on one hand it's a lovely story about friendship and farmyard animals the spider and the pig looking out for each other but the story is basically about how wilbur the pig is due to be slaughtered and so sharla the spider writes you know words in her web like radiant so that people think the pig is like amazing but tell me why the spider gets none of the credit charlotte does all of the work and gets paid dust okay i was ranting about charlotte's web for so long and i didn't even notice that my camera had literally died but this video is not about my beef with that book or my pork so we'll just carry on okay last but not least it's so nearly over we have the rise and fall of the third rank now we love a bit of light bedtime reading weirdly i've actually read this exact book for my a-level history coursework and so i think i'm going to give it three lisa heads because obviously it's important to teach young children about german history but you know eight years old might be a little bit tender might be a little bit young but to each their own you know she is the most precocious eight-year-old on the whole planet so it kind of makes sense anyway there we have it thank you so much for sticking around to the end of the video massive shout out to hellofresh for sponsoring it and the link to get your first box for 50 off is down below in my crotch alongside all my social media links i can't promise we'll never do a video as stupid as this ever again it's kind of my brand but until next time have a lovely day subscribe and goodbye

Channel: Jack Edwards

Views: 980,981

Keywords: The Simpsons, Lisa Simpson, Lisa Simpson books, Recommendations, rating, the bell jar, Jack edwards, booktube, booktok, Uk booktube, homer Simpson, Bart Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Simpsons, lisa, tier ranking

Id: XRrnukxsMOI

Length: 13min 8sec (788 seconds)

Published: Sun May 30 2021