- Welcome to Bless Your
Rank, my name is Matt, and today we are rankin' french fries. Fast food french fries, or as we call them in the south, Tater Sticks. No one calls 'em that. Do I love french fries? Certain types of french fries. I'm a French Fry snob. There are some places I got to that I won't even bother gettin' the fries 'cause I know that they're
so bad and disappointing that I don't even want
that in my life right now. I don't have time for that disappointment. Give me the good stuff. Some serve no purpose
other than to be shovels of sauces that they have, just to put it into my mouth. Some are best with chocolate milkshakes, and if you don't dip your french fries in chocolate milkshakes, you ain't livin'. Don't knock it 'till you try it. And even after try and you don't like it, don't knock it anyway,
'cause I don't wanna hear it. I'm gettin' worked up already, hadn't even had fries yet. Let's eat the fries! Reset the shot. We're judging the top
seven places as submitted by our Facebook supporters, so these are they're favorite fast food french fries, and then we're gonna rank 'em today. Also, it's important to know that we're not having any
sauces with these fries today, 'cause that's not fair; we're just having
straight up french fries. No ketchup. No special sauce, no milkshakes. Just the fries, ma'am. I have a tattoo that says that. Contestant number one: Arby's french fries, which
are just curly fries, which are maybe the best
form of french fries, I'm just gonna say it. It's fun, it's fun, it's
like the silly straws that you drink as a child. Anything that is... Twirly like that, automatically becomes better and more fun. Look at that, that's not natural. You don't see that in the
natural world, right there. I know that Arby's fries were
gonna be a serious contender in today's event, there's
no doubt about it. I'm pretty excited about this. That's good, it's good. These are good, they are addicting. This is the kind of french fries that are dangerous to have in a bag with other people's french fries that you bought Arby's for, and before you get back to the office, you realize you've not only
eaten all of your fries, you've eaten all of your
coworker's fries, too. Then you gotta ditch both containers and be like, "Oh, whoops," "they forgot to give
you your fries, Bill," "sorry about that." Crazy ol' Arby's. You know, I've already
eaten half of these, now, and I didn't even realize it. I blacked out shoveling
these fries in my mouth. I'm gonna be honest with y'all, I don't know if there is a
downside to Arby's fries. They're not super greasy. I guess if you don't like curly things then, sure, I guess that's a negative, but who doesn't like curly things? These are good. They really put a smile on your face. How do they rank is the important question. They rank first. Coincidentally, also last. Also, they just took the
shape of the container. I'm starting to think that
Arby's is not from this planet. Which would make sense of their slogan, which is like, "We have the meats," like, "We understand humans need meats." "Guess what, humans, we have the meats." Alright, so alien planet
Arby's goes right here in first place, and I wouldn't be surprised
if Arby's stays in first place the rest of this competition. Contestant number two: McDonald's. Here are the french fries. Or in some parts of the
south, Mac Donald's. Or, if you're hip to
the streets, Mickey D's. This is the heavyweight of the French Fry competition, right here. This is their game to lose, pretty much. How are McDonald's french fries made? Similar in the way the
crack cocaine is made. No one knows, it's just highly addictive. These are so good. Why is that? Why are they so good? Man, they're good! Holy crap. Has it just been that long
since I had McDonald's fries? This is a taste that
does not occur naturally in our world. It's just like somehow McDonald's is the only one that can do it. You can dip these in ketchup, but they're probably best just plain. Just straight up the way God
and Ronald McDonald intended. There is one complaint,
though, that I have, and I bet I'm gonna find it here, is that in every thing of fries I've ever gotten at McDonald's always, near the bottom, you get like the Reject Fries. It's like when you get a bucket of popcorn at the movie theater, and it's always the really
crappy popcorn and kernels are gonna be down there at the bottom. You get the tiny ones that are like, will break a tooth. You can't hold 'em and dip 'em in anything 'cause they're too small. What is this? What is this? You see this? McDonald's, what is this? Holy crap, looking at
these two side by side, these are two very
different colors of fries. Like, who's let me down the least as far as their french fries go? Probably gonna be... Arby's. They just have better
taste and they're curly. Who doesn't love that? I'm gonna say Arby's
continues to hold the lead, McDonald's is a very close second. Contestant number three: Five Guys. Five, oh we should of
made them number five. Oh well, come on, bring it on. Let's do it. That's just a big ol' bag of grease. It's like they're trying
to get rid of fries. It's alarming, really, but in a way, it's endearing. I live my life like, I wanna be as generous
with my time and my money as Five Guys is with their french fries. Oh, man. This is as close as you can
get to like homemade fries, home fries, whatever you want to call 'em. Like you know that they're real potatoes, like you can see the skin of that potato all along the side of this fry here. And when you walk into Five Guys, they'll actually have a
little board that says, "Today's potatoes come from," and they'll tell you
what town they came from, like Boise, Idaho or Potato Town, Idaho. I only know one place
in Idaho and it's Boise. My apologies to our Idaho fans, I'm talking to both of you. I'm very sorry. When you would go to like
a seafood restaurant, and you're picking out your
lobster out of the tank, like that's how I imagine the
same experience for vegans when they go get their fries, they get to know exactly
where their potatoes come from before they murder that potato. We ordered just the Five Guys' plain, regular french fries. They do have Cajun Fries, which are insanely good, as all things Cajun are. You can put "Cajun" in front of anything and it would probably taste delicious. Cajun french fries. Cajun Fish. Cajun Flinstone Vitamins. Cajun... Cajun taxes. Cajun potholes. Cajun Atlanta traffic. If you don't like spicy things, then don't order 'em, and also, just get away from me. Man, these fries are good. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, they're in first place right now. So, shout out to you, Five Gentleman, you're fries are great. Contestant number four: Checkers/Rally's. What happened? We don't have any fries? No fries? What happened? They weren't open? In the middle of the day, they
weren't open, they shut down? They were blocking the
drive-thru with milk crates? There was a line but no one was in the building serving food? That seems very Rally's to me. That's very on-brand. You know, but this is the kind
of thing that you'd expect from a restaurant that doesn't
even know who they are. Are you Checkers or are you Rally's? Make up your mind. It's the same with Hardees. Are you Hardee's or are you Carl's Junior? Does Carl Junior have outstanding warrants in some areas that he can't go into so Hardee's goes and
steals burgers for him? Make up your mind on who you are, and then maybe check on
your Birmingham locations because they were all shut down today. This was disappointing 'cause I knew that these were a... A strong contender in
the fry contest today. So, rest in peace to Rally's and Checkers. Crazy good food, today, they were just crazy. Well, they're in fourth place. So, there's that. Contestant number five: Chick-fil-A. Probably the best design for dipping because like the little waffle
things catch more sauce, and Chick-fil-A's sauce
game is pretty good. They have, at last count I think, 42 different types of sauces. Those are good fries. And they're apparently "sprinkled with sea
salt," by Jesus himself, from the Sea of Galilee. These fries are much better with sauce. By themselves... I mean, they're just okay. Also, they're so huge. Like, I feel like if I get
a regular, medium size fry and Chick-fil-A gives me a few of these, I'd only get about four of
these fries in each container. They're gone quick. They're okay, they're good, but they are not the best
french fries up here. I'm sorry... To tell you that, Chick-fil-A. This will probably air on Sunday and you won't hear it anyway. I think Chick-fil-A, they're better than
Checkers and Rally's fries 'cause they don't exist anymore, so I'm going to say that Chick-fil-A's
currently in fourth place. Some of y'all are gettin'
really mad at me right now. I just need you to maybe think about the Holy Spirit and "what would Jesus do?" And he wouldn't get mad
at me about the fries. He'd just pray for me, and I need your prayers right now 'cause I'm eatin' a lot of french fries. Alright, contestant number 2, 3, 4, 5, 6: Popeyes. Popeyes? Why are they doin' this? No one goes to Popeyes and gets fries. Listen, I know we said
we asked our supporters what their favorites were and
several of them said Popeyes, so here they are, but I don't know, I feel like they might
have been prankin' me because Popeyes is not known
for their french fries. First impressions... Soggy. This is like a angry mom just waggin' her
finger at ya, right now. I guess I have to eat one, don't I? That's part of the game, yeah. I just taste pepper. Just okay. I don't know of anyone,
in the history of mankind, who's ever gone to Popeyes
just to order fries. If you do, seek help now. These are not good fries. No, don't know why I keep
putting them in my mouth. Not good, not gonna do that again. Also, why are they in a box? Just be like a normal
restaurant and put your fries in the weird fry containers. y'all know that we're tryin'
to eat these and drive, put them in cups that we
can put in our cup holder. They care so little about their fries they don't even wanna
order like fry containers. They just put 'em in the chicken boxes. I will say this, they are far less greasy than I thought they would be. Best compliment that I
can say about Popeyes is: I thought they would be worse. Get somethin' else at Popeyes, don't get french fries. Where do they rank? Well, they're here, so
therefore they are better than Rally's and Checkers. Number seven, the final contestant: Wendy's. And I'm not excited about it. Wendy's... In all of the experience I've had, they do not have good french fries. Unless you're dipping them in your Frosty. The thing is people don't even like, Wendy's knows people
don't even want fries. The most popular thing at
Wendy's is like the 4 for 4. People are just like, "I
want to make my own meal," "and just bypass the fries." "If you could just give me two
Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers," "and two of the four piece
nuggets, that'd be great." If you're gonna get a
side item at Wendy's, just go for the nuggets
and forget the fries. They have votes from our supporters and therefore they have made the competition, so, here they are, Wendy's. Yep, not good. Not good fries. No one's ever eaten a large
fry at Wendy's by themselves. No one, ever. This one looks like
the end of a cigarette. Even like the potatoes
skins that they put here, I don't even think they're real. I think they're just painted on, these were airbrushed. Why? Just stop doin' it, Wendy's. Just make chicken nuggets
your official side item. That would be awesome. I don't know where you are,
Wendy, if you are even real, if you're just a cartoon
character red-headed girl, but if you are real, hear our plea: abandon french fries. Frozen Great Value fries from Wal-Mart are better than this. Not cooked, frozen. Time to rank them. And I'm going to say that even
thought they are not here, I know that Rally's/Checkers fries are better than Wendy's fries. Do we have a non-clear container
that we can put these in so no one else has to
look at this atrocity? Perfect. ♪ Red solo cup, ♪ ♪ I fill you up ♪ ♪ With crappy french fries. ♪ y'all can thank me later
that you don't have to look at these anymore 'cause we've hidden them from you. Wendy's fries: dead last, finishing behind fries
that don't even exist. I did not see this comin'. I really thought coming
into today's competition that Arby's had the best french fries, but Five Guys just tastes like potatoes. They taste like if you
made french fries at home, that's what they're gonna taste like, and it makes you realize how much other fast food french
fries maybe aren't potatoes? I'm not really sure where they come from. Also, they're so generous
with french fries. It's going to take us
the next three months to eat the large order of fries
that we got from Five Guys. Overall, this was good, this was fun. Got a lot of grease everywhere. I don't want fries for a least the next... Hour, hour and a half. Then I'll be hungry again. And there are you are. There are our final rankings. It is what it is. Apologies to Checkers/Rally's,
but it's really on you. We tried. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to eat the rest of these fries and maybe become the Sixth Guy? Just throwin' it out
there, I am available.
