Proverbs: The Excellent Wife - Tim Conway

and i want you to biblically try to discern this try to answer this [Music] let's look at proverbs chapter 11. brethren i want to i want to say something here kind of to the the single men the single young men i remember being single and feeling like lawrence the sooner the better and i had i had different people trying to set me up with girls um i i had christian friends and non-christian family members and um people were trying to i remember specifically my stepfather just i remember it because he had a girl from michigan state calling my house and she was she was pretty forward my my dad worked with her mom and they got talking and the girl called me i think she tried to call me twice and i didn't answer her calls and i didn't return her calls and it really made my step-dad upset fact he he kind of blew up at me and i can remember his words he said he said going to church is fine but you've taken this christianity thing way too far and i told him dad i'm waiting for god to bring me a wife and even though i badly wanted to get married i was trusting the lord to to bring a wife and that is a waiting on the lord that i i really want to commend to every single brother who has a desire to get married as badly as you want to get married just make certain that you're waiting for the lord to bring you that one that that is of the caliber that we're looking at look i know i know there can be a really strong desire from from several vantage points loneliness loneliness is is difficult also if you see your friends getting married and you're the guy that's not or you're the girl that's not um you kind of feel again the loneliness is compounded by that but loneliness can be a big factor obviously there's the desire for companionship there's a desire for sexual intimacy those things are strong but for all that i've seen men well the proverb talks about them men who find it's better to live in the corner of a house top than with the wife that that they're living with and i know i i've seen men that end up with wives that uh i i think that they probably would rather be single and so you want to be you want to be trusting the lord cast yourself on the lord let's look at these verses proverbs 11 verse 16. proverbs 11 16. i i there's just a few of these random verses that that show up they pop up in proverbs that speak about women or a wife and i i think it's well worthwhile just to stop a gracious woman gets honor now just you know you can just pass over that so easily but men i think i i think i can speak for all the men here you want a wife who's gracious and gets honored and women if you are a daughter of the living god you've got to want this you've got because because i know you hunger and thirst for righteousness a gracious woman gets honored [Music] ladies i don't think any of you were born saved it's probably an obvious statement but but listen my point is this you know what it's like to be lost and i don't know the age that everybody has been saved who is saved but women are not in our culture today pursuing this women are not pursuing being gracious in fact what do they pursue you know what i remember that years ago i heard john mcarthur preach a sermon i believe he preached it on mother's day and he preached from proverbs 31 if i'm not mistaken and he gave a list of what women today are like now i realize this this is not exactly going to portray every single woman in the world today but listen to macarthur macarthur gave this list of the kind of woman that our society honors not recognize the verse we're looking at a gracious woman gets honor well we might think who does she get the honor from one of one of the primary places that a woman ought to want honor is from the lord a woman ought to want to be honored by the lord and honored by her husband honored by her family that's got to be the most important thing to her macarthur wrote this back in the 80s he said this actually this comes from one of his sermons listen to this he probably got this somewhere i don't know where he got it but what kind of woman does our society honor who is the honored woman of the 80s who is the prototype woman of the 80s what is the modern superwoman like if our society and our culture could design a woman what would that woman be like well you know what our society does design women that's what hollywood does hollywood is man creating scenarios stories and people that aren't true to life they're not real uh sometimes they they may resemble something that's reality but look that's what hollywood does they make up things they create their own universes and they create the kind of woman that they want to flash before the world that they want everybody to want to be like what would that woman be like well here's what macarthur says well let me see if i can't pull it together for you she would work at a job isn't that interesting the very first thing that macarthur points out she would work at a job now i know some of you ladies are saying well hold on i work at a job um just bear with me she would work at a job build her own career demand and get equal pay with men she would refuse to submit to her husband demanding equality with him and everything she would have an affair or two or three a divorce or two or three an abortion or two she would definitely exercise her independence she would make sure that she was eminently fulfilled herself she would rely on her own resources she would not want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals she would have her own bank account she would hire a maid or cleaning service she would eat out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without she would make cold cereal and coffee the standard breakfast fair for the family quick frozen meals usual dinner fair she would certainly expect her husband to do half the housework she would be tanned coyford aerobicized bulging with muscle she would be shopping to keep up with the fashion trends make sure she could compete in the attention getting contest she would put her children in a daycare center making sure that each one also had a tv in his or her room so that when they were home they wouldn't interrupt her routine she would be opinionated she would demand to be heard from and eager to fulfill all of her personal ambition the world would applaud her and she wouldn't be able to stay married or happy and her kids would probably be into drugs but she would be the woman of the 80s and she is a million miles from the woman of god described in proverbs 31. i dug that up because the woman of the 20s is really no different than the woman of the 80s a gracious woman will get a gracious woman gets honored let me ask you all a question when you see a gracious woman that's kind of a if if we talked about a beautiful woman or an angry woman if we talked about a smiling woman if if we talked about a generous woman a merciful woman those things may be a whole lot easier to describe or to recognize what do you all think of when you when you hear gracious what is a gracious woman anything come to anybody's mind don't be afraid patient patient patient so does patient equal gracious forgiving maybe does forgiving equal gracious things i mean i'm just asking the question i see when when we find words that are difficult to define that's what we do we grope for synonyms that's exactly what we do so that's not wrong a gracious woman would be forgiving what how would we but when you recogni i mean can you even think of somebody who you think is gracious ladies yourselves husbands do you do any of you my wife my wife is gracious your wife is gracious what does that mean brother she's patient she's kind yeah those are words that we would associate they're people a gracious woman it's it's a woman who's kind it's it's a woman who is patient it's it's a woman who is um she's loving she considers others um gracious we we almost think of like even the way somebody moves we can we can think of maybe grace full is that is is am i am i using grace too much in both of those words to gracious and graceful they're probably um i i think that there's some relationship there but a gracious woman gets honor what let's sometimes it can be easier to identify what something is by considering the opposite i mean what would you consider to be the opposite of a gracious woman what would what would she exude that you would take her right out of that category arrogance arrogance so pride so so by that you're saying that a gracious woman exudes humility and and that that would be right what else would be an opposite argument argumentative argumentative right when we think of a gracious woman argumentative would not be a gracious woman see you hit on something there tim a gracious woman you're going to be able to tell her largely by her words because her words are gracious versus being argumentative or being boastful or being ugly being angry anything else that seems opposite to gracious selfish maybe yeah selfish i mean one of the things about about kindness is just being considerate of others selfish people think about themselves any but but the point that the the preacher is making here is that a woman like this gets honor um i mean i've been i've been in some uncomfortable i i was in a really uncomfortable situation one time when a pastor was in a conversation with his wife in the presence of me and ruby and the conversation was becoming somewhat frustrated and this pastor said why can't you be more like ruby that now that is ruby being honored but maybe not in such a good way i mean it was very uncomfortable type of situation but um but but here's the thing that i recognize is that in in this man's mind when he was categorizing where women fall out he was recognizing that there there is a measure of graciousness there and i mean maybe it's because maybe proximity has something to do with this but i really do believe that my wife is gracious and i believe she's kind and she's one of the kindest people that i know and anyway i mean i'm very thankful because i feel like i did get one of these wives that is that is extremely valuable that scripture talks about anyways let's go to the next one 11 22. like a gold ring in a pig snout is a beautiful woman without discretion and you can imagine a pig a pig pigs to the jew they were the epitome of unclean animals and you know pigs are unclean if you've ever been around a pig we we sit you know we we call somebody a pig and it's derogatory and if you've ever been around pigs they they make horrible noises they stink terribly they love to just wallow in the mire they they are a disgusting animal and if you put a gold ring in its snout well a gold ring gold we count to be beautiful we make jewelry out of it you understand that the contrast a gold ring in a big snout but that's the picture the reality is that this this is like a beautiful woman without discretion without discretion she's not wise she's foolish this is a woman that doesn't think she doesn't use her head she just she just i mean we know women like this again hollywood puts these kind of women forward all the time they're beautiful but you know you look at the you look at actresses you know they're typically on their third or fourth or eighth husband um it's are they gracious do they care mainly about themselves a woman who just dumps husband after husband isn't she doesn't care about anybody else she just cares about her own ambitions just lives and driven but that this woman is foolish a beautiful woman who's foolish there are a lot of beautiful women who are without discretion of course the scripture puts the emphasis not on beauty but in other places the fear of the lord being wise being gracious um let's look at another one 12 chapter 12 verse 4. an excellent wife is the crown of her husband but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones i mean you think you think about what it means to have a crown a crown goes on top of your head and a crown is very visible a crown is what a king wears and so there's you understand that the idea of a crown crown is um typically they're made of they're made of gold and they're inlaid with jewels and they go on the head of a king and they're very visible they let everybody know that this person is royalty well what this is saying is an excellent wife is like that an excellent wife is a crown for her husband over against the kind of woman that brings shame let me ask this what what does a woman do that are some of the greatest causes of shame to a husband just throw them out what what can a woman do that's really a shame to the husband gossiping about their husband gossip that's a big tearing down tearing her husband down in front of others making her husband look like a fool in front of others what else disobey him right and that that can be that can create real difficulties in a marriage when a woman is head of the house right she won't let the husband lead the kinds of things that cause shame are typically the kinds of things that are done publicly like flirting with men being too you wanna i mean something that's very shameful for a man is when a woman gives her time her talk i mean it's it's okay for a man's wife to talk to other men but there's a way to talk inappropriately to not show discretion there's a way to be too familiar there's there's a way a woman can provoke her husband can you think of any other ways undermining you um well let's let's move on to the next one 14 chapter 14 verse 1. the wisest of women builds her house but folly with her hands tears it down now it's talking about a house the idea is the household the idea is the family what can a woman do that's destructive to a family how do you how do you tear down versus how do you build up what's what's what's up building for a family teaching children to respect property teaching children to respect property is i i think teaching children anything is that as long as it's good property and you the idea of building up a woman can build up her children by teaching them she can build up her children by teaching them the word of god she can build up other people by imparting truth her tongue can be a source of life for people she can build people up she can build her husband up she can be an encouragement to her husband her husband comes bred brothers i can tell you this we're all wired different but if if you ever get discouraged in your life if you're ever cast down i mean a wife can be one of the greatest sources of of up-building and encouragement a woman can build up she can build she can seek to encourage her children she can seek to encourage her husband or she can tear down she can be destructive especially with her mouth she can tear the kids down she can belittle the children she can be little dad in front of the children she can she can despise dad's authority in front of the children she she can waste money she can spend money on things that don't need to be spent on she can be negligent with with the car or with the things that she uses i mean there's lots of ways to tear down and be destructive and to have a wife that that is actually building up all the time she's building up the kid she's raising the kids to be godly she's filling their minds full of wonderful biblical truth she's she's thinking about how to build up the husband how to encourage the husband how to make him a better man she's she's a woman who's on her knees you want to talk about a good way to build up family and build up a husband it's to be on your knees praying for them i mean folks i hope that we have a church here that really believes that we have a god that hears and answers prayer one of the ways that a woman can be especially useful in this world in her own household in her own family to her own husband is simply to be on her knees i'll tell you a woman who prays and fast because she's really concerned about the spiritual well-being of her whole family that is a woman who builds up what else can we say here um 1822 1822 now this this is an interesting verse to me it always has been because on the one hand um well just let's hear it he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord now okay that's that's um i think we need to stop and just think about that verse for a second okay there's there's another verse go across to 1914. proverbs 19 14 says the second half of it says a prudent wife is from the lord okay now that's interesting because 18 22 says basically that a wife is from the lord i mean it's a good thing and it's favor from the lord which means that the lord is showing favor by giving you to a wife the lord is responsible for that that's what the favor there means to be in god's favor means you get a wife when you go over to 1914 it's a prudent wife and it's like the wife the wife over in chapter 18 is it automatically assumed that she's a good wife that she's a prudent wife that she's an excellent wife because the truth is that we're going to get to a number of verses in just a second actually right after this that talk about it being better to live in the corner of a house top so not every wife is good and so is that really a favor i just find that verse interesting because it doesn't necessarily say if it's good or bad wife now we might assume it's a good wife i kind of do assume that but but that's not even my biggest issue with the text my biggest issue with the text is if you're sitting out there single all of a sudden you feel like a step child reading that because if you're single if you're a single guy and you're saying i really want to be married and based on that verse right there i i guess i don't feel like god has shown me favor i mean if if there's two single guys sitting in a church side by side and they're both saved and one gets a wife and the other doesn't a verse like that can kind of make you feel like you're not receiving the same favor would anybody agree doesn't it make you feel that way kind of it does mean now now look let's let's just ask this question if god gives you a good wife if god gives you a christian wife which we're assuming christian wives are good wives because christian what look i know there are some that are better and i know that maturing needs to happen but my automatic assumption is that of all the wives in the world if a woman is saved i recognize she still may be very immature in a lot of ways but if she possesses the spirit of god and christ is at work in her and she she's she belongs to the living god and she's being sanctified she's been born again she's a new creation and old things have passed away and all things have become new i got to think that in the scale of bad to good she's way up there towards the top now i realize there may be women not all women are the same even among christians i recognize that but but the fact is that if god gives you a wife men if god gives you a christian wife that is that's god's favor is it not certainly it's god's favor it would be something you would thank god for it would be something that you would praise him for now listen that doesn't mean that god doesn't show his favor to the law or to this to the brother who doesn't get the wife it just means that his favor is shown differently it's kind of like you know the jones they were eating kind of sandwiches were you eating chicken so they're they're chicken sandwiches well before they ate it they thanked the lord undoubtedly that's the favor of the lord but you know what somebody else made they may have been eating chop suey or whatever and they made it they didn't get the same favor but god showed them favor and the thing is like even where paul could pray that the thorn be removed well jesus said to him my grace is sufficient in other words paul i'm going to show you my favor but i'm not going to show you my favor by removing the thorn i'm going to show you my favor with the thorn and so here's the thing those of you that are called to be single when you don't want to be single i can tell you this that that season is a trial undoubtedly loneliness can be a very difficult trial being single when you don't want to be but listen you'll be hard-pressed to find that trials injure god's people what i find is that james says count it all joy now you see we don't like to count it all joy we don't like that we like the favor that gets a wife over against the favor that puts me in a trial where i don't get a wife and i'm forced into a position of loneliness where i really have to find my all and all in the lord and the loneliness that i have in lacking a spouse i have to i i have to find it all in the lord and listen we we may not like that but that actually in the end may be a greater favor from god than the fact that he gave you a wife and so we don't want to miss we don't want to misread that verse because because the new testament says that trials are something you ought to count as joy because god is doing good things in him when god brings suffering into our lives brethren we all know it the greatest growth in our christian lives does not come when the birds are singing and the sky is blue our greatest leaps of growth in the christian life come when things get difficult and i can tell you this those three years that i was single and a christian i didn't want to be single my two closest friends were married and had children and but i can tell you this during those three years i met with god in ways that were so supernatural and so don't despise the um don't don't despise the favor of the lord that doesn't give a wife see that text can make it sound like if you get a wife you've got god's favor if you don't get a wife you don't get his favor but that's not what it clearly as we examine the rest of scripture that is not the case and i would just say this keep asking because the last chapter is not written yet and it may be you're not ready to be married yet it may be that if god gave you a wife right now that life would be really miserable because god's got to work some of the kinks out that probably was the case for me i mean even after three years i think ruby had it pretty hard in the beginning and and if we would have been married before that it would have been all the harder i mean god had a lot of sanctifying in my life to do before he found me at a place where it was time to have a wife so anyway let's let's move on let's move to the three that 21-9 these all are basically self-explanatory they're all similar it's better to live in the corner of a house top than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife 25 24 well no go down to 2119 it's better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman there's actually four verses here anyway self against self-explanatory you go to 25 24 similar passage it says it's better to live in the corner of a house top than a house shared with a quarrelsome wife and one last one 27-15 it says a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike women ladies your tongue peter says it this way a meek and quiet spirit um see that's that's what we think about when we think of gracious a meek and quiet spirit that's a gracious woman and it says god is god not not just the husband not just the family not just other church people it says that that is highly esteemed by god himself a meek and quiet spirit a quarrelsome woman is uh you know it it shows itself in her mouth ladies there's a we we sing a psalm here um psalm 141 and part of that it's it's lord i cry unto you lord i cry unto thee lord make haste unto me give ear unto my voice anyways it it says keep a watch of the door of my lips that is a good thing for all of us to pray on a regular basis lord keep my lips keep the door of my lips guard me help me to watch my words make me mindful help me to think before i speak words can be so damaging there's i mean if ladies the there's no question about it when you get to the new testament the primary matter that's emphasized with christian women married christian women is that they submit to their husbands and if there's any place where a woman becomes unsubmissive and irreverent towards a husband so often it is with her mouth yes women can can have attitudes but so often it's with the mouth and just words if if there is a place where a woman can be like a crown on a man's head it's when a man has a wife and her words are her words are worth something she doesn't just ramble she doesn't just speak uselessly when she opens her mouth there's value there's worth there's preciousness in her words they mean something they're they're they bring they they bring a joy to the family they bring light they bring happiness they bring truth they bring love you know a woman who when she opens her mouth it's it's desirable it's attractive that it pulls people around it pulls the children around it's it's not a situation where the husband doesn't like to be around her because her mouth is just hurtful or it's just unpleasant and and listen we all come from lost stock and so anything we have we we can't boast in it it's all been given to us and if you find a gracious woman if you find a woman that's like this she didn't make herself that way it's not just she came from good stock or from the right family or she just happened to have the right personality what we're talking about is actually that which is spiritual we're talking about that which can be gotten that which can be pursued i know we have different personalities i know some people's personalities are more pleasant than other we know that but what i'm talking about is that that which can be pursued that which is a part of godliness that a woman a woman can pray about and really seek after and uh forgiveness was something that came up but a wife a wife who asked for forgiveness that forgiveness is so healing you know what some of us and i'm one of those people who who put my foot in my mouth and have to come back and confess and come back and apologize and i understand that but you know what if if a woman is like that if a woman does say things at times that are hurtful or damaging the the greatest way to repair that is to is to admit it it's to confess it apologize for it before her husband before her family before the lord and really seek forgiveness and seek help of course all of this brings us to proverbs 31. verse 10 this is the most extensive portion of scripture dealing specifically with women with an excellent wife specifically but this is the longest continuation of of any place that we have in our bibles and that's why it's referred to so much that's why it's very common somebody's going to preach a mother's day message they go to proverbs 31 somebody's going to preach on what it means to be an excellent wife to go to proverbs 31 because there's just so much said here here's the first thing verse 10 an excellent wife now i'm reading from the esv an excellent wife who can find now some of the translations say this a virtuous wife who can find young's literal translation says a woman of worth now i want you to know this word here this word doesn't really mean pure it could be excellent it could be virtuous clearly the translators use that term an excellent wife we like that word right excellence i mean we want things that are excellent this is an excellent wife the word here means worth it means strength you know if you if you search this word out it is used often times to mean force power strength it even has the idea of an army or an elite warrior that's that's the nature of the term it's a very interesting term that that would be used here the words of king lemuel that's what it says in 31 verse 1 we don't need to at all get into who king lemuel is but anyways it's it's um it's a very interesting word that he uses here valiant i like that word valiant it's it carries that meaning a valiant wife who can find somebody has actually written on this portion of scripture and they've tried to bring out all the the military language that they believe they find here which i haven't done that study i'm not sure if you examine the original wording how much reality there is to that but i came across one man that believes there's a lot of reality to that an excellent wife you know if you think about it there's there's about two or three decisions in life that will affect you more than any other decisions obviously surrendering to christ sometimes we don't like using the term decision because of our minionism and this we we just don't like the idea of the fact that somebody gets saved by making a decision but scripture all over the place appeals to man's choice when it comes to saving faith when it comes to being a christian that is a decision that a man makes beyond that the most important decisions a man will ever make in his life who he's going to take for a wife what church he's going to attend those those yes maybe the trade that he takes up but i'll tell you this few things have more impact on a person's life than the spouse they have in the church they have that's that's just a reality we could draw this out i don't want to get into the church i could i could tell you the myriad of ways that a good church will affect your life versus being in one that's not very good the same thing can be said here an excellent wife now listen the this is inspired language when it says an excellent wife or a virtuous wife or a woman of worth who can find the assumption is they're not under every rock they don't live next door to all of us the assumption here is that they're not easy to find ladies i just i want i i encourage you my my hope expectation my prayer is that god will allow greatness fellowship manchester to produce a number of these kinds of excellent wives because they're not they're obviously not common who can find one they're not saying that it's impossible to find they're just saying there aren't a whole lot of them let me ask you something wasn't it david david was talking about oh i'm gonna i don't want to mess this text up but he said he said he wasn't able to find a man or he was he's barely able to find one good man among a thousand and among women he could find none something you remember that passage ladies you probably want to forget that passage but isn't that it that's that's an interesting maybe it was solomon that said it i'm having a difficult time recalling exactly where that passage is but but anyways that is in your bibles and uh i just find that interesting anyways my point is this this kind of woman is rare but here's the thing ladies i want to ask you a very basic question ladies do you believe that it's possible for people to be at different places in the christian life in other words do you believe that it's possible for a woman to get saved and right in the beginning she's really rough around the edges and she's not an excellent wife but because of god sanctifying grace she can become one do you all believe that do you all believe that it's possible for some people to mature faster than others do you believe that it's possible for some to grow more and faster than others do you believe that it's possible among christians to find certain people that are more righteous than others can you find some that are more godly some that are more christ-like i mean a gracious woman is going to be honored do you think it's possible among christian women do you believe that if we took all the christian women in the uk that there's probably a scale right you have some that are out on one end and some are a lot that are in between would you all agree with that would you agree that hopefully if you have this scale of godliness for women that if a woman is going up the scale if she's right here today would you hope that in two years she might be here is that possible is that possible for a woman to become more gracious and more excellent and more loving and more of an encouragement to her husband do you think that's possible do you think it's possible for women to get to a place where they recognize that there's a fault in their life where there's sin in their life and they confess it to the lord and they really strive and god gives them victory and now they have victory over that now they're running in in greater light and greater freedom than they were before certainly we believe that those things can happen what's my point in all of this my point is this that listen you can have two people started out christianity almost neck and neck and you can come back 10 years later and you can find one is much further than the other and i'll tell you this if you look at their lives you'll find they did different things you'll find that one got to where she is by doing certain things the other didn't get to where the first woman was because of the choices that she made ladies my my emphasis right here is that you can advance and i think that three years down the road some of you will be much further than others and the reason will be because of decisions that you make right now what are the what are the things that tend to create excellence in a woman what are those things well striving i mean one of the things that you have to recognize is you have to be willing to admit where you're you're wrong where you're not right where you're broken where you need one of the greatest ways to not grow is not to admit that you need the growth it's not to admit where you're weak recognizing where you're weak and desperately going to the lord about it that's that's one of the greatest places to start i'll tell you this one of the things that i really believe that we need to cultivate is just the art of fasting and i want to tell you people that pray in fast i'm not talking to likely pharisees i fast twice in the week not that kind of thing people who really fast clinging to the lord it makes a difference people who pray and fast end up getting to places in life that people that don't do that on a regular basis just don't get because people who pray in fast like that they they're clinging more closely to the lord really living close to the scriptures watching christ really taking note about how godly people live one of the things is this bad companionship corrupts good see here's the thing the apostle can recognize that bad companionship it corrupts good manners well if you basically surround yourself with those kind of corrupting influences don't be surprised if five years down the road you're not in the same place where people who have specifically avoided such influences are at this is this is the reality brethren i can tell you this do you think ladies do you think what you watch on television might have any impact on where you are five years from now there's no question about it the movies you choose to watch the things you choose to do with your time they have massive influences on where you arrive so an excellent wife verse 10 she's far more precious than jules uh there's so much reality to this to have a wife to have a wife that is just valuable she's excellent it's like for a man to find that there's few other things a man can find aside from finding christ that is so valuable in his life i mean my wife she helps encourage me to walk with the lord her example far more precious than jules the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain i think one of the things ladies that you have to ask is what are the what can a woman do that creates distrust in her husband what is it that can cause a man not to trust his wife have any ideas [Music] that the things won't get done when thousands yeah if what that kind of goes along with honesty probably what i mean is if a woman says something and doesn't do what she says she's gonna do that breaks trump we know that that dishonesty destroys relationships on every level whether it's with a wife with a child with a co-worker it dishonesty causes you not to trust people men and women wives and husbands have i mean brothers and sisters you've got to have an absolutely impeccable relationship at this level you just can't be dishonest with each other that doesn't that doesn't mean you have to tell your husband or your wife everything you understand what i'm talking about there that's just because i choose not to tell my wife certain things doesn't mean i'm being dishonest and we want to be careful about what i mean look oftentimes the question comes up do i need to tell my wife everything that i did when i was lost do i need to tell my wife everything that happened to me in every relationship that i had when i was lost no you don't in fact that would be destructive you want love to dictate what you say and what you don't but in what you say there needs to be absolute honesty i mean if there's going to be trust there's got to be honesty the other thing is a man's got to have confidence in his wife's commitment to him he can't be thinking that his wife is always wishing she would have married somebody else a wife just can't or she's always got her eye on another man obviously that doesn't work towards trust those are those are some of the main areas it says she does him good and not harm all the days of her life i might just dive in right here and say this the issue with the proverbs 31 woman is not that you build a checklist ladies and say oh everything she does i've got to do she rises in the night and she provides for her maidens sounds like she's got she's got staff in the house her maidens i mean who's that sounds like she's got she's got people that are working for possibly in the house well it doesn't mean you have to do that it doesn't mean that you have to spin and and make your own yarn so that you can sew your own clothes even though this woman does that it doesn't mean this this isn't about a perfect checklist what's what's most important is that you see what motivates the woman and this this goes back to the topic we dealt with last week it's first thirty charm is deceitful beauty is vain but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised brethren we saw that a gracious woman is honored here a woman who fears the lord is to be praised what is it that motivates her see this is key when a woman is motivated primarily out of a love for the lord a fear for the lord obedience to the lord when her when her real desire is to please god then you know what even when things are not perfect with her husband she's still striving to be the best wife she possibly can why because it doesn't rise or fall based on how she calculates her marriage is right at the moment the real issue is the lord is unchanging and she's wanting to please god out of a fear for god she desires to honor the lord with her whole life that's the real issue that's what's guiding the woman you can't honor the lord if you're being dishonest with your husband that's why you want to be honest with the husband the primary thing isn't well if i'm honest with my husband it makes for a good marriage well yes that's true but that's not the primary motive the primary motive is i'm walking before the lord the lord knows my every thought i want to be honest before him i don't want to lie i don't want to be dishonest he's a god of truth he hates lies dishonesty is that which which honesty has to characterize the people of god we need to be people of truth we are we are christ came to bear witness to the truth and now we are his witnesses in his place he's absent he's gone we're to be people of truth i mean if there's anything we need to repent of it's any kind of deception it's any kind of shades of of dishonesty but see the motive here is a fear of the lord she's she's got a god consciousness on a on a regular basis and so verse 12 she does in good and not harm all the days of her life now brethren let me let me just remind you something it says that a woman who fears the lord is to be praised in verse 30. well we know this that the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom you see this is a woman who is wise look at verse 26 she opens her mouth with wisdom remember what wisdom has to do with wisdom has to do with the path we choose seeking to run as well as we possibly can on the path ahead of us because we want to pursue that which is for our greatest good remember if you're wise you're wise for yourself what this is telling us is the great ladies the greatest path that you could possibly be on with judgment day looming on the horizon the greatest path you could possibly be on is the path that shows you fear the lord and guess what happens if somebody really fears the lord how are they going to live how's a woman going to live who really fears the lord you know what she's going to do she's going to strive to be the kind of woman that her husband can trust she does not want to put any doubts in his mind about her love for him her commitment she never wants him to think she might be interested in another man she wants to be totally honest with him and she's constantly thinking not just about herself she's constantly thinking how to do him good she recognizes her life is wrapped up in his he's the head she is following she's she's following his lead she's following she's submissive to his headship and her life is not wrapped up in her career it's wrapped up in him it's wrapped up in doing him good not doing her good not cultivating her her ambitions and her career she is thinking how can i do my husband good and listen ladies you may feel like to some degree well you're kind of getting lost in him well that's normal the two become one and you ladies you take his name there's a reason for that and he is the head you basically are coming along to be a help remember adam was made first and then eve there was not a suitable help that was found for him you've been created ladies to be in the place to help a man let me tell you something that's what you were created for on judgment day there's going to be a lot of ladies who are suddenly going to be thrust to the front they're going to be thrust to the highest positions they're going to serve brethren i totally expect that on judgment day ruby is going to be thrust very high above me now even though she's losing her life in me now i believe that her her being faithful to do that has exceeded my faithfulness in doing what god has called me to do and in that day suddenly listen all these these all the the the sexual differences that we may have now um they're they're gonna disappear i'm not i'm not saying they're gonna disappear in the sense that that there won't still be male and female in heaven but the the reality is that there won't be marriage any longer and what god is going to be concerned in is how well each person did what they were called to do ladies the path of wisdom for a woman the world may think it's wise for women to pursue their own career get their own job have the three divorces the three affairs the the two abortions the kids on drugs you basically put a television in their room and because you've got your agenda you've got your goals you've got your life your ambition and the worldly woman thinks this is wise this is the smart thing to do i've got to get ahead i've got to be equal with men i've got to make my voice heard i've got to be independent brethren the feminist movement is rampant it is it's just it's so common we hardly even think about it anymore brethren the the wise path for the woman is not that the wise path is to walk in the fear of the lord in a path where you are ladies you're losing your lives and your husbands and what you're seeking to do is do them good not harm you want to pray for their good you want to ladies i know this is a sensitive area but you want to give yourself an intimacy to them for their good because women men that are deprived they go men that are frustrated sexually who are married that's not a good place for a man to be in that is not a woman seeking to protect her husband and do him good that's that's a woman that's being selfish and it's not good and so this woman she is seeking how to do good to her husband she seeks wool in flats she works with willing hands this woman is not lazy she's like the ships of the merchant she brings her food from afar so you see when it say comes to clothing what you need to recognize is this the sphere of her labors is the home it's the family it's not outside of that any work that she does it comes back to the family so when it's clothing when it's food she rises while it's night you can see she's not lazy provides food for her household portions for her maidens she considers a field and buys it yes she's industrious yes she's working yes she's even working outside the home but the thing is she buys the field and plants the vineyard and but it comes back to the family comes back to the provision for the family she dresses herself with strength makes her own strong she perceives that her merchandise is profitable her lamp does not go out at night she puts her hands to the disc staff her hands hold the spindle so she's she's a very industrious woman but remember she's doing her husband good that's that's where this launches from it ends up in the fear of the lord she opens her hand to the poor that's that's also something when we think about kind she's got the needs of others in mind she reaches out her hands to the needy she's not afraid of snow for her household and there's that word again her household you see it in 15 her household you see it in 21 her household you see life revolves around the household even when she's buying land and making in planting a vineyard she's she's got in mind how this is going to supply her family not afraid of the snow her household is clothed in scarlet she makes bed coverings for herself her clothing is fine linen purple her husband is known in the gates and you you recognize what's going on here it's she she is an influence in his life this doesn't say her husband's known in the gates and it's got nothing to do with her the reason it's mentioned here is because it's got a lot to do with her he sits among the elders he's known and the the the thing is he's known in the gates and somehow her influence and her impact in all of this is is helping to make this happen she makes linen garments and sells them now she's not just making for her own household she's actually making to sell she delivers sashes to the merchant strength and dignity or clothing she laughs at the time to come she opens her mouth with wisdom notice that she laughs at the time to come that that's the kind of woman that trusts the lord she's not fretting she's not full of anxiety all the time she's got a confidence that the lord's going to take care of her and her family she opens her mouth with wisdom ladies if you want to open your mouth with with wisdom you you've got to be washing renewing your mind with the word of god you've got to let the word of god just saturate the teaching of kindness is on her tongue she looks well to the ways of her household you see it again this the household terminology is just intermixed through here there's no getting around the fact that her her home her family is central she doesn't eat the bread of idols her children rise up and call her blessed her husband also he praises her so you see what's happening the the husband the children these are the people that she's serving and they recognize it and so they're blessing and praising her they they recognize her quality they recognize what she is to the family many women have done excellently you surpassed them all charm is deceitful beauty's vain a woman who fears the lord is to be praised give her the fruit of her hands let her works praise her in the gates now look when you get to the new testament we get the same kind of instruction that women ought to be they ought to be workers at home they ought to love their their husbands and love their children they ought to respect their husbands they ought to give give their bodies to their husbands i mean this is the kind of teaching in the new testament that we find and uh look i recognize that there there are exceptions i mean i recognize that when we look at this we look at this example somebody's going to say well okay you know what about my situation maybe you've got a young lady that's single and she's like i don't have a family i mean is it wrong for me not to give focus like that yes i mean but still there's principles that you could take from this many principles that you could take from the godly woman the example of the godly woman there's many ways that you can be striving to become that if you're a young lady and you live at home then the kind of honor and respect that's shown to the husband should be shown to the father a desire to to be if if you're at home as a young lady and you're in a family environment i mean to be to be helping to be kind to have words of wisdom there's all manner of aspects of this that can be cultivated if you if you're a wife and you're having to work because the husband's in a situation and it's a valid situation where the husband that for some reason can't work whether it be health or whatever the situation is i've seen situations where a husband was completing his degree and the wife worked until he got there's all manner of situations that can come up but is the woman is her focus on doing her husband good and the husband believes yes wife you're doing me good by working at this season in our life this is necessary you're not sac i mean our children aren't being sacrificed i'm not being sacrificed you're not just pursuing your own career this is we have to weigh all these things out with the given scenarios where we all find ourselves but undoubtedly the character of the woman spills over the the motivation is what you really want to see it's not every specific thing she does obviously this is written you know thousands of years ago in a in an environment in a culture where you know they sewed their own they they created their own thread they created their own yarn they spun they they worked at the disc staff and the wheel we don't we don't do that we don't ladies are not working at the at the weavers uh machine and i recognize things change but still the the spiritual realities of the woman don't change and so these are the things ladies we really want to see cultivated look i know there's things in the guys that need to be cultivated there's no question about it but these these are things that we want to glean from the book of proverbs we don't want to leave off the the importance of this uh this valiant woman that's really i i love that word it it could almost be the militant woman the strong woman the valiant woman the worthy woman ladies there's no question about it if you're this lady you're the kind of woman a guy wants to marry a side and and you see that you see the truth aside from beauty and aside from charm the world they don't care about this the world is after one thing beauty and next downline from that charm or personality yes but a woman who strives to be this no matter no matter what where your looks are at no matter what personality god gave to you if you're striving to be this kind of woman that is the kind of woman that is going to make a man just an excellent wife so there we are hour and a half any any anything comments questions observations then ecclesiastes 728 from that verse about um what does it say read it exactly um [Music] which my soul has sought repeatedly but i have not found one man among a thousand i found but a woman a woman among all these i have not found yeah so one among a thousand men but among women not one i i first i thought it was david then i realized oh yeah no that was solomon and uh because i remembered in my making a mental note before in connection with the fact that he had a thousand wives and then but now he didn't take very good wives to himself that was one of his problems can you imagine i mean think think about jacob jacob had two wives and then kind of four wives two wives and two concubines with those two wives or you think about um hannah you know hannah who what was hannah's competitor wife panua or was that her name um anyways can you imagine the can you imagine the rivalry that would take place if there were two wives can you imagine if there was a thousand wives vying for their husbands affections i mean i i can imagine his harems were just treacherous places the ladies trying to out maneuver each other and i don't know i i just imagine it was like that maybe i'm wrong but you just see it when there was when there was leah and rachel how leah felt like her husband can you imagine leah leah was married for seven years and she was the only wife and all the time she knew she was she was second um on the affection list and that'd be horrible if a guy has multiple lives anyways why are we talking about that anyway we're talking about that just simply because solomon made that observation about women and you know what no matter how much he made that observation we still have god's inspired word that tells us that even if solomon didn't know of any that doesn't mean they don't exist solomon just probably didn't look in the right places he probably didn't get wives that he should have gotten isn't it interesting do you ever feel bad for abigail abigail seemed to be such a godly woman and she gets married to david and then she just disappears and then of all the ones bathsheba i mean that's just an ugly deal and yet she gets prime time and her son becomes king and abigail just disappeared anyway what else [Applause] anything else i was just thinking when you said about the hiram's about esther she must have been very different from the rest yeah esther esther was a champion and ruth the moabitrisks what a champion she was isn't it interesting i'm sure this is this is not uncommon but have you ever considered that the genealogy in matthew chapter one mentions four women have you ever taken note of that does anybody know what four women are mentioned in the genealogy the non-jewish rahab roof rahab ruth neither of which were jews bathsheba though and it actually calls her the wife of uriah isn't that interesting who's the only other one timon tamar why is tamar so incredible to find in there was a prostitute prostituted dressed up like a prostitute had sex with her father-in-law conceived twins by him and they were actually in the messianic line and so when you consider you've got an adulteress you've got a prostitute who went with her father-in-law you've got a you've got a jericho harlot and you've got a woman from moab i mean you talk about grace to me it speaks it speaks so loudly that god saves sinners broken people and backward people [Music] you

Channel: I'll Be Honest

Views: 6,294

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Keywords: wife, marriage, spouse, Proverbs, Tim Conway

Id: odJe3sIHtuE

Length: 85min 59sec (5159 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 23 2020