Martha Peace: Ladies Conference Question & Answer Session (5)

you were talking about examples of submission that is sin i wanted to ask you because this happened to me um talking to another woman who was a believer i noticed that she had started dressing in a way that seemed kind of immodest and when i approached her about it she said that her husband who is also a believer preferred that she dressed that way and she was submitting to him and i was wondering if you could address that because i'm sure she's not the only woman in that situation well all the other men enjoyed how she was dressing too and it made it hard for them and so the answer is no sweetheart but in private i can do that so and just no i'm not going to dress in a modest or sensual way in public can you tell us how your husband was saved i'm sorry can you tell us how your husband came to know the lord well he when i got saved i didn't tell anybody i mean i didn't know what was happening but i asked him if we could start going to church and you know what he said okay and so he was a good person and it's kind of a good person and so we started going to church my friend katrina at work at the college started loaning me john macarthur tapes and so i was listening to them i would listen to half a tape going to work and have the other half coming back back then john mcarthur called his flock beloved and i'm just in the car by myself me and john and he would say now beloved and then he would explain whatever he was talking about and every time he would say now beloved i would say yes but anyway so sanford got a hold of some tapes and he started listening to them and that's when the lord saved him so it was a few months later thank you so in this uh last talk that you did when you say um young women you mean younger in christ because sometimes these women that we are called to to fellowship with or minister to are like are older a good question the tightest to woman is old we can't i know some pastors say well you're older than somebody oh those are the old women but there's two issues there are all age women that have been gifted as exhorters as teachers just as christian friends in the lord so and there's a special place for the titus ii woman so if somebody's older than you and you're discipling them biblical counseling is just discipleship that's what it is now sometimes the problems are a little more complicated but that's what it is and so the whether if you might have a titus 2 relationship with a truly younger woman and you're working on those seven mandates with her but um the you might just be a sister in the lord helping whomever whatever age they are good question can you hear me okay yeah what if the your husband is just very passive and has asked you to lead in a way like for instance um maybe maybe well if he's not if if he's a says he's a christian and he's he won't work that's a sin if he's able to work that's the sin on his part i would go to him privately exhort him to repent give god glory use scripture and then as an interim you might say let's go together and talk to one of the pastors and let them hear both sides of our story and if then if he says no i am not going then you can say well well i think it's a sin issue so i am going and um but i'm not going behind your back i will tell you you know when the appointment is and you're welcome to come that kind of thing it may be he's lazy it may be maybe he really is not good with figures and finance and all that and you're better and if he asks you to do that it's okay to do it but i would sit down every month with him and show him okay here this is what i think we the bills we should pay you know this month and this is how much money we have and include him in on that because some wives are better i mean i know one woman who's a certified a cpa and she certainly outshines everybody in that so if you're unsure then um make sure you're on firm ground with he's sinning but a lot of the examples you gave he probably would be sinning um this is not for myself but i know of a sister who um can you pull your mess down yes talk to me thank you i know of a sister who has an unbelieving husband and she has had trouble because well he has back problems um and he does not really has not stepped up well i don't know she says that she he has back problems but he doesn't want to work also so she doesn't know if it's because of his back though sometimes she thinks it's not what happens then um if he doesn't want to work and since he's not a christian like what is her responsibility in that well kind of going off of what she did okay if the husband is physically impaired and he cannot work i would ask if the next time he went to the doctor if i could just go with him hear what the doctor says but in a situation like that the wife may have to step up to the plate and work or go to the church elders and say here's the situation i've got five little kids under six years old it you know can the church help us and handle it that way yeah i'm not doing it all right what if he the doctor says that he has had a back problem right but he can work and he doesn't choose to work what then well then i would just say what you're doing is not right and you need to to stop and you need to get a job isn't there a song that says get a job get a job something like that do you know do you have a job oh good okay all right see that's a plus if he's single and he has a job okay i i'm working on being more sensitive to not being too outspoken when my husband and i are in a group setting and talking over him um talking too much i mean especially because he is a christian and he's wise and he has good things to say and he can't say them if i'm talking so i'm wondering about when if ever it's appropriate if i've noticed when i've been in a group setting that i've talked over him and stuff then of course i know that it's right to go to him and to apologize and ask for forgiveness and repent i'm wondering if it's ever right to go to the other people who were in the group and apologize to them like say laura's had us over for dinner and i realized that in that setting of us for i haven't had that quiet and submissive spirit is that ever right to address with laura afterward if that makes sense well in a situation like that if you think you talked too much that then i would go to my husband and and ask him his thoughts and you may even need to ask his forgiveness i would ask him do i need to go to our friends and ask their forgiveness he may say no that's an overreaction so i know i can don't tell sanford i said this i can tell a story better than he can and when he starts to tell it i just oh no but i just let the lord deal with if he if they get the point of the story so but see he's smarter than i am and that's an issue too because he really uh he really is smarter than i am so he helps me out of a lot of jams so yes um i have a family member and um her she's a believing wife and her husband is not and he basically is sort of trying to manipulate her into having a mutual divorce so whether it's because of guilt or maybe legal stuff he doesn't want her he wants her to basically um agree to divorce so what advice would you give for her because she's kind of in a situation where she's really he's making it difficult for her in the marriage okay he he wants a divorce um it's very likely that he does want a divorce um he's considered leaving in the past and he's made it very clear that he doesn't want to be married to her but he just he won't actually um make that decision so well there are two biblical grounds for divorce one is adultery and the other is uh if the unbeliever doesn't want to live continue living with the believer especially because she is a believer not because she drove him crazy then let the unbeliever depart and the believing spouse is free i would just be honest with him if she doesn't have biblical grounds for divorce then i she should not file for divorce but if she can tell him i can't stop you from filing for divorce a divorce is a lawsuit and so i don't know what it is about these men i i mean almost 90 something percent of them say they want a divorce but they won't file they want her to file and i have a theory about that the theory is most of them have a girlfriend on the side and he wants to tell the girlfriend who's not quite bright that well my wife won't give me a divorce she she can't stop him i mean it's a lawsuit and so if he files for divorce then she has 30 dates to answer and you know that lawyers go back and forth so did i answer your question yeah i think so or just like the advice for her like because she's being put in this circumstance where he is wanting to divorce her and she doesn't want to make that decision um well she should go to him and say if this is what you want then go ahead and i can't stop you thank you [Music] um do you have any like practical advice um when it comes to forgiveness and trust in which earlier you said they're different and how how to go about trusting that person again oh okay the other person has to re-earn your trust it's their responsibility like if a husband is an alcoholic or he does drugs or he gambles or whatever and um so and he comes and asks his wife will you forgive me well the answer is yes but then he needs accountability he needs help you know with those issues so um the his it's his responsibility to re-earn her trust if he has a problem with pornography and she she finds out about it he needs to repent and give god glory but she does not need to be his accountability partner that would just hurt her feelings if he had a failure in that area so it needs to be somebody a man somebody else you know who will work with him but um it takes time to re-earn trust but jesus said if your brother comes to you 70 times seven and us forgiveness he told peter that then you you say i forgive you but it doesn't mean you've you're brain dead and you don't remember what happened so it takes time i tell it's interesting it's either back there or up working out don't worry [Laughter] i have two of them going back to miss jackie's question what happens if the if the um husband assumes that because you forgive him he thinks you trust him as well well he'll find out would it be better to just tell him i forgive you but you have to gain my trust again well you can say i forgive you but you need help and depending on if he's a believer or an unbeliever what you know the help that he would get so she can make suggestions um i know one couple that he was an alcoholic and um i think five or six years ago she separated from him because his drinking was a big problem and in the home and in the with the children and he decided he would just stop drinking and he hasn't had a drop to drink in five or six years so she doesn't have to keep snooping around to see if he's hiding you know something she doesn't need to be playing detective or police she just needs to be his wife and love him did i answer your question the wife will figure out gradually over time it you know she'll trust him more and more thank you my second question was you have an unbelieving husband and you're a christian wife um and your husband asks you to sit in the mat in a way saying um do not talk to the children about christ and yet you said it's okay to do that when he's not around well don't say oh i won't i won't talk to them about the lord don't commit to that just say you're you're asking me to sin by not talking to the children about the lord but i certainly don't have to do it when you're around because i know it's offensive but is it sin but wouldn't you be the children most likely as you are watching this why don't they think you're somewhat hypocritical that when he's around you're not um talking to them about christ but and he's he told you not to sinning and yet you're doing it behind his back well but you're not doing it secretly you're not deceit you're not lying to him and you're not saying well i won't talk to them about the lord and then you do it anyway that would be deceitful and that would be lying the children as they get older are gonna they're gonna figure this out that mom is a christian and dad is not and if they come to her and she should certainly be open to her children's questions and say why do you do this talk to us about the lord when dad's not here but when he's around you just say well what you did is not right or i'm going to spank you now or whatever and um once that then she needs to tell him because this is what the bible says to not offend your dad because he's an unbeliever and we love him and let's pray for him right now okay all right good question we're not supposed to undermine your husband's authority but if your husband is saying something that is not scripturally sound you do not correct him in front of the children he's speaking to the children so what do you do you just wait until you're just the two of you and then go back to the children and say well actually this is correct or do you wait for the husband well you pray for wisdom it's a judgment call thank you uh you can i what you don't want to do is say well that's the stupidest thing i ever heard and just say well you might want to consider and then give your side of what you think is right so i was trying to put this question in my mind in spanish but it's really hard i mean no i speak english it's just i always think in spanish i don't know but um so can a woman work all her life a biblical a christian woman work and outside of the home not not a i mean she's obviously got two jobs for those of us who work but um can she be seen as a biblical wife if she works outside of the home all her life or is it a requirement i don't know if i'm asking this correctly but is it like a requirement for the woman to actually seek to stay at home to take care of the home eventually or is it or she is to be seen like she has to get to that point one day in order to reach like the biblical wife position or can a woman just you know she can work outside of the home and you know she still takes care of the house and she still does what she needs to do in her marriage i mean i don't know thanks a lot for answering that question all right okay the bible says for the older women to teach the younger women and one of those mandates is to be a worker at home all right biblically i cannot say that she is sinning if she works what if she's neglecting her children and neglecting her home then yes that's a sin for the most part if possible i would recommend that young women with small children stay at home and try to live within the means of their budget and a lot of times if a couple has gotten themselves so much in debt with fancy cars or a boat or a house they can't really afford or any whatever she and then he requires her to work because to pay the bills to help pay the bills then i would suggest that she make an appeal to him and say you know what i did some figures here and if we if i didn't work and if we downsize our house or sell this expensive car and just get a used car whatever um i would be well more than willing to do that so that i can stay home with the children so um if she's working because she doesn't want to be a non-person and she wants to she has that feminist heart like i used to have because i was on a roll with my education in fact did i tell you about when i withdrew from my master's degree did i tell you all about that well i i got saved in june of that year i had the summer off but i was still taking night classes at georgia state i was halfway through my master's degree and i was quickly convicted by god that i was neglecting my family i mean i really was working full time going to school at night and all that and so i wrote a letter to the dean of the nursing department and i said i have become a christian and the lord jesus is coming back and i don't have time for this program withdraw me from the program they did and i'm sure they're still laughing about it and the the thing is i don't regret that so it just depends on your circumstances but in your heart you want to have a heart for your family and your husband and but if it's hard to do both then because we have washers and dryers and dishwashers and stuff like that that back you know they didn't used to have but the bible does it should be her heart she shouldn't be lazy and she should um you know be a helper suitable for her husband and uh take care of her children but as the children get older and older they just don't need as much hands-on as they used to so anyway but she should talk to her husband about if she's convicted that she could do a better job being at home more then she needs to talk to her husband about it the every once in a while when i think about jesus coming back i'll think lord please come on back so that some of those t professors at georgia state that might still be alive will say that's what she was talking about okay [Applause]

Channel: Grace Community Church

Views: 500

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Martha Peace, ladies conference, question and answer

Id: m58AfK0SBVQ

Length: 27min 54sec (1674 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 01 2021