Professor Pwnage

in the last few minutes here thanks Kerry I have a message for one person this audience I'm sorry the rest of you have to sit through this as you know my computer was stolen in my last lecture on the thief clearly wanted to betray everyone's trust and was after the exam the thief was smart not to plug the computer into the campus network but the thief was not smart enough to do three things he was not smart enough to immediately remove windows I installed the same version of Windows another computer within 15 minutes the people in Redmond Washington were very interested to know why it was that the same version of Windows is being say no to them from two different computers the thief also did not inactivate either the wireless card or the transponder that's in that computer within about an hour there was a signal from various places on campus that's allowed us to track exactly where that computer went and every time that it was turned on I'm not particularly concerned about the computer but the thief who thought he was only stealing an exam is presently we think probably still in possession of three different kinds of data any one of which can send this man this young boy actually to federal prison not a good place for a young boy to be you are in possession of data from a hundred million dollar trial sponsored by the NIH for which I'm the consultant this involves in the largest companies on the planet the NIH investigates these things through the FBI they have been identified they've been notified about this problem you are in possession of trade secrets from a fortune 1000 biotech company the largest one in the country which I consult for the Federal Trade Commission is very interested in this federal marshals are people who handle that you are in possession of proprietary data from a pre public company planning an IPO the Securities and Exchange Commission is very interested in this and I don't even know what branch of law enforcement they use your academic career is about to come to an end you are facing very serious charges with the probability of very serious time at this there's very little that anybody can do for you the one thing that you can do for yourself is to somehow prove that the integrity of the data which you possess has not been corrupted or copied ironically I am the only person on the planet that can come to your aid because I am the only person that can tell whether the data that was on that computer are still on that computer you will have to find a way of hoping that if you've copied anything you can prove that you have only one copy of whatever was made I am tied up all this afternoon I am out of town all of next week you have until 11:55 to return the computer and whatever copies you've made to my office because I'm the only hope you've got of staying out of deeper trouble than you or any student that I've ever known has that ever been in I apologize to the rest of you to have to bring up this tasteful matter but I will point out that we have a partial image of this person we have two eyewitnesses with a transponder data we're going to get this person thank you

Channel: JaEd0

Views: 812,131

Rating: 4.7584 out of 5

Keywords: professor, pwnage, professor pwnage, professorpwnage, fail, lies, bullshit, noob, laptops, laptop, Jasper Rine, Berkeley, biology professor, rage, college, university, school, student, thief, theft, stolen, stolen laptop, stolen from professor, angry, fear, scare tactics

Id: u4gVkprDej0

Length: 3min 15sec (195 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 19 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/rasmus9311]

Man with all that info on his computer you could only have hoped that data would be a bit more secure than what it sounds like.

[u/a1cd]

Two windows computers trying to use the same product key literally sets off a red alert at Microsoft HQ.

[u/TurkFebruary]

why do I feel like I am in trouble when I watch this video.

[u/[deleted]]

He's probably already called the Cyber Police. Consequences will never be the same!

[u/bz786]

Damn I never realised I was so gullible! I genuinely believed every word that came out that man's mouth until I read the reddit comments.

[u/bobbywaz]

As an IT consultant, I can assure you that most of what this man says is bullshit, or extremely implausible.

[u/jacksonbarrett]

Turns out the laptop was at his house the whole time

[u/poopoohomo]

Yea, this guy is Jasper Rine, a Berkeley professor. Never ended up getting his laptop back from what I remember.

http://mcb.berkeley.edu/index.php?option=com_mcbfaculty&name=rinej

[u/Chevaholic]

He is just scared the thief is going to stumble across his child porn pictures.