Priscilla Shirer on Living Well

hey there i have a treat for you as you get settled in to watch this video if you don't already know i have a sister her name is priscilla shire and she's gonna join me on an interview today now here's what's unique about this interview i actually have a podcast now i know you know me here from youtube but i have been youtubing for two years i've been podcasting for eight years and over eight years on my podcast which was called crystals chronicles i did some solo episodes and some interviews in fact a lot more interviews over time and i'm relaunching that podcast it's now going to be called the sister circle podcast because i have so many conversations with friends or sisters in my circle so how could i possibly launch the sister circle podcast a conversation with my actual sister priscilla shire a conversation that is designed for audio but we did it on video because we're sisters and we should look at each other and not share that video here i wanted to make sure you know about even though you're watching on youtube or facebook the fact that there is a podcast and there are conversations that are happening on the podcast that are phenomenal exciting and it's all brand new so enjoy this video and then if you'd like to hear all of the podcasts that i release so you can have me in your ears even if you don't see me with your eyes then be sure to go to your favorite podcast player you can use apple podcast you can use spotify google podcast or stitcher or any of the other ones probably too so just know that i'm here for you often video regularly podcasting too and i hope you enjoy this combination of both so here's to all things having coffee with crystal and every now and then having a sister on the show as well so here's the video version of our first interview for our very new brand new relaunched the sister circle podcast enjoy [Music] all right y'all she lives around the corner and i talk to her pretty much every day but it's not every day that i get a chance to host my caesar on the podcast so welcome stella thank you so the thing is scilla by the way i have to realize when i say it that that gives other people permission to say it but what the funny thing is is everybody's trying to figure out how to spell it and your aunt actually called me one day auntie called and said now why is it that her name is spelled p-r-i-s-c-i-l-l-a but when you write cila you just skip the c you just put s-i-l-l-a and i was like i don't i don't i can't believe she called you about that she sure did and then i was like am i doing it wrong is it supposed to be c-i-l-l-a i have never written it with a c that's so interesting i don't know why anytime i've written it it's just that's what i had to verify i literally went and looked at a card and said how does she sign it when she's i was like am i doing it wrong anyway so uh yes cilla is the nickname priscilla is her name please print out your last name for the people because we got shivers and shy shy rares baby i have been called everything do you hear me it is shire okay what else have you been called beside shiver um that's the main one i get mrs shivers all the time i get shearers um i get um shy rur like i tried to tell jerry when we got married that evans would just be easier oh he didn't go he didn't go for that i was okay i was in california i was in the lobby of a hotel and the guy who checked in before me his last name was shire it took everything it took everything in me not to tap him on the shoulder and say oh my gosh you have the same last name as my sister but he was like white and i was like there's no relation and i was like he would that would just be weird and absolute but it's such an odd name it really was such an odd name and i was just standing there like oh my god and i was like girl leave him alone leave that man alone i can't believe that i wonder if it was spelled the same now now that you're saying that i've never met anybody that's what i wanted to have a whole conversation with him about and then i was like leave it alone it's not even your last name just leave it alone oh my goodness okay so right now we are recording this um normally like when i do interviews i'm doing them two or three months in advance but you and i are actually recording a week before this podcast is going to be shared online you are my first official interview of my podcast for 2022 but you are also my guest interview and you're also my first official guest interview for the rebranding of the podcast so it's been called crystals chronicles for almost eight years yes and i'm changing the name to the sister circle podcast with crystal so oh be the first guest sister on the sister circle podcast and may i also say you are to be commended for having done something so consistently so faithfully for that long i mean think about it a podcast lasting seven eight years like that thank you that's a big deal and i have watched how intentional you've been trying to get the guests you want and have the kinds of conversations you want so you're doing a good job chrissy thank you thank you can i just say that when people are trying to figure out your situation and by your situation i mean everything from your hair to your ministry to your marriage to your children um i say that anything that you see in her life is because she's been showing up and doing these things consistently like you didn't just ministry wise drop on the mat one day you've been faithfully i was listening to you and jerry talk about some of the early like over the holidays we were talking about some of the early speaking engagements that you had and the hotels you stayed in and you know the back side the roads not knowing where you're going i mean just yeah you there's that there is you got these big strong boys and you are speaking words of encouragement over them everybody wants to know about your prayer the thing you say over to your children every day but you didn't just magically like sit down one day and like think about that and write that like a year ago you've been saying these words to them like their whole life you know it's just it's this idea of things being baked a long time to be to be good and then our faithfulness how that makes a difference and so speaking of faithfulness i want to ask you about um let me see where do i want to start because i have a whole list of things i wanted to talk about let's talk about home i know right now in the coming off the holidays you are still in your season of your no anointing like you have a no anointing over your life but you get an extra dose of that during the holidays literally you literally count down um and sometime in november you we will celebrate girl that's it that's the last thing i had to do before i shut it down like just like this whole so you enjoy the holidays you're very intentional about creating memories during the holidays doing nothing during the holidays for yourself with your family but all throughout the year not just the holidays with your family you are intentional about sitting down at the table trying to have dinner i would love for you to talk about what it required what faithfulness looks like right now with the ages of your kids because we know as the kids get older trying to have faithful things at home is hard yes what does it look like for you right now to be faithful to the things that you've been trying to be faithful to um family-wise since you got since you got married i i'll say this and then i'll let you talk i remember when you first got married y'all were in that apartment and you were just whole hog home i remember you had these books about home and the sights and the sounds and the smells of home and you would set these table settings and i'm just like it's just y'all too but you would you would you would i mean jerry would get home from work and you would have the china out you would make that corn salad in that glass bowl there would be mums on the front of you remember that oh yes you had the the welcome rug i mean you went whole hog so i remember your intentionality then and i know it has changed the faithfulness to build home family memories has changed over the years so what does it look like now and how have you been able to maintain faithfulness when sometimes your family doesn't celebrate efforts you know that you make to do all the things that you do that part right there i said it nice um yes you said it nicely so it's it's actually very interesting that you're asking that question because honestly what faithfulness has looked like in the last couple of years has been a recalibration of what the priorities need to be which which requires a lot of release and a lot of letting go and a lot of not lowering expectations but just recalibrating them to the reality of what is that has been very hard for me to just relax let it be what it is the dynamic that your family is their personalities their likes and dislikes um meaning i'll give you an example my sons are not particularly social people my youngest son is more than the other two but they're they're really wired like they're their dad so they could never be hospitable meaning never have a bunch of people over and be fine and i'm yeah and i'm like no actually i want to cultivate in you guys an appreciation for having a home where other people feel welcome and you learn how to do the work that is involved when you have people over so that's something that i'm continuing to do but i've had to readjust and not overdo that because that's not their personality so they don't have to be wired like me but there are certain things i've had to recalibrate how much of this thing or how often for this thing based on the reality of who my family is and you know and the home life that we have so to answer your question the biggest adjustment for me has been relaxing into the reality of what is and then determining i i kind of got this word of knowledge from two older women in my life trina jenkins and rachel ridge these two women do not know each other but i am very close friends with each of them they both have grown children who are now married and living on their own and both of them independently of each other gave me the same suggestion they said in this season of life when you've got 19 year old 17 year olds 13 year olds everybody's kind of got their own life going pick the two or three things that are going to be your things ask your spouse to support you in those two or three things not everything but just these two or three and then do those consistently let everything else go and i mean that in and of itself has been a hard task the letting go is hard the trust in god like all the stuff that you see that to you is not going is going undone or you feel like it's not a priority enough for your family but releasing that to the lord and saying okay lord i trust you with the rest of that i'm gonna just pick these two or three things one of those is several times a week having dinner like that we all sit at the table together again i have boys so half the time they don't want to talk you know and i've had to get conversation starters so that you know we have a way to start conversation and hopefully engage the boys a little bit in conversation so i've picked two or three things i've asked jerry to support me in those two or three things and we do those two or three and everything else i try to let go and just enjoy my family i know that i think the the work of motherhood uh and marriage is these are human beings that you cannot control that you have had expectations for family life marriage or motherhood and they didn't get that memo you know um and it is the work of letting go i mean you understand of course because your oldest is off to college the work of letting go like letting them be their own person and letting them be adults but going from that parental as they get older in teenage years into that counselor and that guide and realizing that you really don't have in control i mean control was an illusion to begin with it's just that we get that memo late you know and then have to learn to release things um are the conversation cards you use the same ones that i have the ones that are in that square glass jar or you have a different set because i know inquiry signs are going to be like what where did she get inquiry where did she get conversation cards from i know i wish i had them right here so i could show you but one of them is a jar you gave me i think from family life yeah day spring i have day springs so i have that and then also yeah the other ones i got are just off amazon and yeah they come in a little glass square container i think i sent you that crystal for christmas one year or something like that but they have family they have friends one they have adult kids one you know so it's just a great thing to have your kid pull out a car to ask that question everybody give an answer and it kind of stirs conversation and again if you got a a table full of girls you might not need a conversation starter but right for me send me that nuke to the ones on amazon because i know that people will want to know and i'll make sure i put that yeah put that in the show notes been using them for years yeah i mean i think i think we have you know it's you know i know there's this thing about talking about the cosby show but it is what it is it influenced like a decade of our lives so yeah look at the cosby show or you know uh growing pains or you know these different shows that we grew up on and you see these family dynamics and you don't see them with the messiness you know you don't see them with the right with the struggles and i think you know i'm happy if i can just get the voice to sit down you know just sit down like conversation is great but that's an extra like just yeah sit here absolutely your time yes yeah out the tv on um i've learned you know just with the girls being older that it's the things that we don't um think that are making memories often that are the things that stick like i'm just family dinner and conversation and let's work on a puzzle together and let's do devotions together and what they actually remember as togetherness are doing the dishes i would say y'all can choose whatever music you want to but y'all are both in the kitchen when the girls were teenagers y'all are both in the kitchen until it's done and them being now 30 and 26 mean that i have that perspective of boys you're thinking this is horrible what i know is that when you get older this will be or has a high potential to be a memory that sticks choose whatever music you want somebody's on dishes somebody's on wiping countertops and somebody's doing floors somebody's drying and putting away the dishes and y'all are all in here until we're done and then perspective that you try to make the memories and then you just plant opportunities for togetherness you know and they're going to remember what they're going to remember you just have to give them the opportunity and so i just want to applaud you because listen having done the girls boys are harder they're harder to do that with because they really really oh oh yeah because they don't want together oh it's they're not interested together it's totally different it's totally different and even the movies that we watch it's like the girls i enjoyed that with the boys i'm just like you know sitting on the edge of my chair like my knuckles are white because everything is bang up shoot them up fast so it's different so i want to applaud you the boy the boy life is different for sure um when you think about um apart from letting go anything that this season of um motherhood is teaching you is there any other lesson because listen girl you're the older lady i mean you know you're the older woman i guess we are oh my god so in this season of your life what wisdom do you have to share with mothers who are mothering in various seasons that you've experienced um one of the main things i would say is to make sure you are keeping a record of your kid's life um i you know now jackson is 19. i started keeping a journal for each of the boys when they when jackson was five it kind of some older lady mentioned it at when my oldest was five at the time my second was three and we didn't even have jude yet so jude starts from his the day of his birth um but i have these books and now i'm so grateful that i have them i probably wrote in them four or five times a year like it's not like it's a daily thing yeah it's just especially on their birthday i would make sure to write them something but if they said something funny did something hilarious something that i can see the fingerprint of god on a question they asked that led to a conversation or a hard thing that happened i just have kept a record of that in their little book and now that i'm looking back you know in my mind at the time when i started i thought when they're 18 i'll give it to them girl i'm not giving this 18 year old boy his brother is it they're not thinking about their mother's words in their life at 18. so i'm probably going to wait until they have a wife and then i'm going to probably give it to her and let her just read her mother-in-law's you know sort of talking her through her husband's life and the things that happened in their life but all i know is reading it back myself is it's many things but one is just a reminder of the faithfulness of god like that that thing that happened when they're six actually wasn't devastating it didn't derail their whole life the testing we had to put them through it tend to see if the learning disability or to see if the you know the physical issue was going to be something that stunted them forever and it kept you up at night and all that you look back and go god is faithful and he will carry you through and your kids are going to be fine so i would encourage every mom and dad to do that find a way even if it's just you know like a microsoft word document it doesn't matter where you write a little paragraph and save it that just will remind you and will show your kids later the evidence of god's faithfulness and their lives that's so good i'm sitting here feeling horrible because i started and stopped a million times i didn't really do it i heard that from you and then i was like i'd write it so what i did is i finally took the composition books which is where i was putting mine and i just the pages that i'd started for the year i just tore them out and i put them i have a file cabinet for each of the kids and so um like they just a plastic box from office max or whatever and hanging file folders for every year of their life and so oh my gosh you're so organized well no but because no to me you're organized the discipline of remembering to write things down i just was like whatever i have that keeps a memory i just if it's a little like the when they would go to camp and the little character quality things that they would get i just throw it in there like it was just because i just wanted to it's like but it's it's in a child folder and one day you know i'll maybe scrapbook it i mean i think that's why you know regardless of how you remember i mean you know you've seen that community where with the google commercial where the person is writing a letter an email to the kid you know and then they can open up these emails i do think there's something special uh there's something easy about digital and then there's something special though about hand written documentation of who you are and who you've and who you've been and so if you have not started that in any way shape or form any gift that you can give your children if you don't have children any gift that you can give someone you love of just writing down your thoughts about them um keeping letters i've had people mail me letters that i wrote them like i was a teenager and then they mailed me back this letter because in that letter i was telling them about my life and they sent it back to me 20 years later hey i found this i thought you'd think it was so look for ways to keep memories of the people that you love priscilla's really clean and minimalistic i tend to be more of a pack rat so don't don't do that but just remember that memories they really do matter and that the things you write down and the things you keep for those you love will be meaningful to them um later on excuse me yeah for the record you just said i'm clean my older sister has never called me clean in my entire but tell them why tell them why i've never said that i've always been a clean person girl you better stop telling the lies and shame in the shame of jesus christ and honoring satan himself girl y'all i'm not gonna tell all of her business you just need to know that i don't recall whatever you about to say i don't recall it you just need to know that priscilla cared about other things things other than making her bed keeping the laundry done putting things up in the bathroom and i was very very particular i'm still particular i'm just i just have a lot of things and i live with piles she is a she just likes things to go away she doesn't want to she's not attached to things and i am so i tend to keep things that are meaningful but when we talk about i we just had different when we shared a room we shared a room until we were 18. eight we until i left for college we shared a room and it was traumatic i'm sure it was traumatic for you as well because i was very picky particular about a lot of different things so um i also recall that you took things from me and then you said you didn't take them so you would i remember that yeah i'm sure you don't but i had a broach that came back broken i'm still traumatized [Music] you can sip your tea if you want to and pretend that didn't happen but whatever i know so let this be a a word of encouragement to you all who are parenting girls who look like they're not going to make it they will make you talk to each other one day okay let's talk about motherhood in a different way okay our mother has now been gone for two years which sounds dumb and ridiculous and unreal it seems very um it seems unreal partially because so many of the things that she gifted to us whether it's our relationship tradition um her voice in our head we still have like we yes i see her everywhere and then she gave us the gift of showing us how to walk in her shoes so the things that she created still exist because we we know how to do them but so she's gone but i feel her with me you know all the time but grief i know is a journey that everybody has to learn to walk on their own and you can't rush the journey and it takes different shapes and forms over time i remember that after mommy died and you had not even three weeks later a surgery um to remove one of the lobes of your lung because of a mass that had been found so within a month not even a month you go from um holding mommy because you were holding her she died in your arms uh we were all gathered around but you were holding her a day for from that day to a week later us burying our mother to was it a week or two after that a week after the week after that you're in the hospital and as many people know when you walk through a traumatic situation like that you don't necessarily feel all the things in the moment we we have to bury our mother we have to put together the service we have to um i mean that's not unique to us it's anybody who has to go through those things but i remember in the recovery room after your surgery you could not stop crying and you said that we just kept having to bring you tissue and you didn't want to cry because it hurt like you know you wanted to heave cry like and it just kept erupting and i remember looking at you and thinking that's the grief coming up not that you weren't in pain too but it was so i mean it was like niagara falls it was just never ending and large um and and you said i don't know why i keep crying and i remember looking at you and thinking you're on drugs you're in real high yeah you're in pain and there's no inhibition for the emotion to come and it's being pushed forward you know by pain so i saw that heaving and crying i've seen you i've seen little moments of grief um you know in church where we've done certain things and the tears kind of well up but but in terms of the last two years how have you seen grief come to the surface what has triggered your grief what has what has grief look like um i think one of the things that we don't realize i did not realize i didn't realize for me and i didn't realize even as i watch you all meaning you and anthony and jonathan is the unique ways that grief comes up because it doesn't always come up and i cried in the shower so i'm just curious if you've recognized it coming up in your life any other way and what has triggered that well that's very interesting question i don't know that i have thought through that um in that way but i will say that one of the ways which actually i can recall now mom describing this when grandpa died it's just a general lethargy a general inability to be motivated to to keep doing whatever the next thing is in front of you it's not that you don't do it you do but that same sort of drive and momentum that you were once doing that thing i can feel that that um has waned quite a bit dulled quite a bit and i don't that doesn't scare me i'm okay with that i feel like there are seasons of life and this is one where i do full feel a little lack of momentum so i'm just gonna just sit in it and instead of trying to rush through it which means you miss some of the gems that are there for you to discover that the lord's put there for you to discover so instead of rushing through it i'm just like okay lord you have me here right now which means i'm not writing very intentionally not writing a book or a bible study right now um the last one nearly killed me that's the way it felt it nearly killed me creatively every word was like you know trying so hard it was in the midst of mom being sick and i pushed the deadline back a couple of times and when i finished that project i remember thinking i'm not doing this again for a while um because the weight of projects like that have a a weight to them that i don't think i have the capacity to carry right now and do the other parts of my life well which are more important right now my sons are all graduating from high school one after the other headed into college i want to be fully present and i want to absorb all of the good stuff that comes in these years so i know that right now given the dullness that i feel because of everything that we've been through i would not be able to carry that well and enjoy that and also do some big ministry projects like writing for me is is always big it's always a discipline to write like that so that's the way honestly i have seen it most grief most manifest in my life has been just feeling a little bit dull and trying to relax and give myself grace and not hurry through that and i remember mommy describing that when when grandpa died i remember her just feeling like it's going to take me a minute to get to get to the place where i've got some momentum clicking on all cylinders again so i would i would say that's the main thing i think that's so interesting because one because i joked about at the beginning i mean your anointing of noah is strong you don't have a problem saying i'm not going to do that i would love to but no um and because i've seen you still like you said you want to reserve the energy for the things you want to absorb i've seen you still showing up and doing things with energy i mean you hosted us everybody for christmas and you were flitting around and wearing one of mommy's christmas sweaters and ha ha hey it's christmas yeah i mean it you've been able to do the things that you've chosen to do with joy and focus intentionality and presence um and i think what's notable about that is you know if i'm looking at you i'm not thinking this is happening and you're shutting things off um in order to continue to do things because this is how you show up and i think what i'm hearing you say is i choose to show up in my life say no to a lot of things so i can say yes to a few things and to do them well and i'm having to say less to even fewer things to continue to show up and people see consistency as oh they have something i don't have and what i'm hearing you say is this is something i choose to have and i say no to more if i need to to continue to show up the way i need to or the way that that is exactly right and it has required more no's yeah and i think that's the reality of it doesn't even have to be grief and loss it could just be age that as you get older and your energy level shifts or your body shifts or whatever that there are going to have to be new no's so that you can say a full yes to whatever your priorities are and your priorities are going to keep shifting as you go through different seasons of life and to accommodate those full-on we all have to look at our nose and go okay what do i need to add to this list so i can just be fully present and i think too crystal losing the number of family members that we did but particularly losing mom was i for me and i think for all of us really an eye opener about really enjoying your life and really capitalizing on the time that you do have and that the and that the world goes on even if you don't participate in that thing whatever that thing is the conference of the book or the invitation to do this or whatever if you don't participate it's okay life's still going to go on so what do i need to do to enjoy my life to enjoy my husband my children my family um and then to just build a an incubator of no's that accommodate all of these better yeses now you know we're at that beginning time of year when people sit down and they get out their goal planners and you remember i was always a planner person i was going to the franklin covey store and trying to write all things down i don't call you being a planner person like just all the paper and all the pins and all those things however you do set goals i remember i talked to winter about this i was like you just achieved you achieve way more than i ever do and i don't see you walking around with nobody's goal setting book like you know like what is that i'm curious what does that look like and for those of you who don't know who winter is we our cousin at 38 of suddenly passed away that was in 2018. so we we weave her in and out of all of our conversations as we continue life because she also is so very present with us but i'm curious for you what does it look like because you are very intentional you have identified what you want to do what really matters you do have a thought process a construct somehow in your brain of what i say yes to and what i say no to and what your yeses are so what does it look like for you to say i want to do more of this this year or you know what i this is a focus for me this year do you intentionally do this do you write it down in a spiral notebook does it end up on a mirror or is it just in your head what what does it look like for you to think intentionally about your life and aim specifically for your yeses that is so that is such a great question because i don't even know if my brain is organized enough around that topic to give you a linear answer um so yes to crystal's point she has always been a more organized person than me always more specific in her goal orientation about life and how she's going to achieve things um i normally set goals as they arise meaning if i'm gonna write this year okay that's a project for this year i'm headed towards that goal um if there's a certain goal that i want for my my physical body meaning if i need to lose some weight or i need to pick up some muscle mass or whatever well then in that moment when i'm deciding that's the direction i'm headed i'm just headed that direction i think it's it's less about planning in advance for me and more about once the thing is decided upon then i am okay with in other words i don't get discouraged because the project is this big and it's way out there due a month you know it's not gonna come to fruition for a year or seven months from now i'm okay with the little bite size pieces and processes required on a daily basis to just keep heading slowly in that direction whether it's about weight with my body or whether it's about a project like a book or whether it's filming something that's going to take all summer to film but you don't even see the movie for another year after that because of all the editing process i don't get overwhelmed by big projects because i just am okay with what's in front of me today maybe that's probably one of the if there is a benefit for not being super goal-oriented like a five-year plan and all that stuff maybe that's one of the benefits is that i don't get overwhelmed by the big project because i'm just doing the little increment that is involved in the next 24 hours or the next week and i'm headed that direction so i don't know if that answers the question but it doesn't answer the question i mean one of the things that i tell people all the time is you're getting you you're getting overwhelmed when all you have to do is the next thing yeah and often i think you get overwhelmed people get overwhelmed because they don't know what the big thing is but i'm like but you do know what the next thing is so just do you do the other thing too is you know you are a doer i am definitely a planner and that has benefits to it because i i will think about things in detail and that has benefits but while i'm still mapping out the progress plan for the next five year goal you've done it already it's like or i did that yesterday and then and then you may comment to me like i'll do it and you'll be like oh that was thoughtful like you'll you'll notice like the intentionality and how that brings benefit but i notice how stuff just gets done you know and so i i think that you have to give yourself permission to get things done in the way that works for you but don't forget if you're a planner to pull the trigger and do the next thing and don't forget that if you're a doer that sometimes taking a minute to pause and thinking about it a little bit even if it is the next thing can influence or affect the intentionality with which you do it so give yourself the freedom you know i asked daddy one time you know all these pastors that we know um people in ministry business owners that i know girl you know i listen i live for the information i love the courses and the webinars and all that i love it uh people watch tv i'm learning and growing and all these different things right but i asked daddy one time i said you know you are a very visionary leader who has had very specific goals over your lifetime but i'm just curious did you ever like do you have a book where you wrote things down like what did that look like did you and mommy ever go away for like a a retreat the two of you together to plan like you hear about people doing these quarterly retreats with their spouse or they're taking their team away and all this and he was like no i know that's a that's a new millennial thing that people people 50 years ago weren't taking no retreats yeah now did he think about it yes but did he map it out and organize it and buy the product and do all these things i do think that certain things like with the ministry with the church with his national ministry other people captured the vision and documented it because other people had to follow it but when it came to our family he and mommy they they talked there was ongoing communication they shared vision and as they shared vision they tweaked it you know they just made made adjustments to it and so i want to release you if you're like oh my gosh it's the second week of the year third week of the year i'm listening to this podcast and i still have not written down my goals or move forward on my resolution what's the next thing just do that committed to doing the next thing just keep moving forward just keep moving forward you mentioned it in your list of things you said you know well you know or if it's doing a little project for the summer you know and she i just i loved how you just threw in the fact right there in a little bit that you're a movie star and i just want to say that anytime i talk to you she's rolling her eyes right now anytime i talk to you about your stint in the movie industry i'm gonna say you're a movie star i'm gonna say you're a movie star because i need you to accept the fact that you are an actress and that you have been in multiple movies one of which all of which did well and one of which did superbly well for you to stop denying the fact that you as an actress have been able to be in multiple movies so she throws it in there so he you know so humble with such humility you know little projects where you're over waiting for this summer she's talking about the summer she spent being a movie star that's what she's talking about i'm just calling i'm calling that out for you you talked about uh your last bible study people will want to know what that is so that was elijah right okay and what's the name of that book that went because i had a book right am i making that up well no it's just the bible study work okay the bible study in the workbook i'll put a link to that in the show notes as well there's one thing i've seen you making room for um which is also amazing we talked about being clean uh also another amazing thing in comparison to childhood is you're a ferocious reader now when we grew up i was the ferocious reader i would have a dream at a maverick game we'd be at dinner i'd have a book in my lap mom and dad would have to make you put the book down because it was to the point of being worried they were like you're with other people you can't just read a book all the time like our kids have video games and their phones and we make them put that down that was me with a book all the time all the time we'd be driving down the freeway and i'd be reading every every five seconds to the light of the street light like i would capture two sentences it was that it was bad um you are which is great reader yeah you're a ferocious reader which which i i'm like so we have our our little sister circle group we call ourselves the tribe we have a voxer group and a text group and um and you just recently were asking for book recommendations and i was just like my sister is reading i came to your house i saw books you know there was a book here and we've talked so i would love to know if there is a book or books that you're like it's amazing it's amazing you should read it um what would that book be because you've been diving in over the holidays yes i will pre-warn for you be free to recommend whatever book you want to read you know if they come for you i will respond but y'all listen you have to be able to eat the meat and throw out the bones and be able to receive correct wisdom information and history from people who may throw in a four-letter word every now and then and if that does not suit your fancy then don't read it so but go ahead and be free and share whatever book recommendation okay well i will say that honestly mostly i am reading theology books because i do enjoy them and it probably they contribute to whatever i'm writing at the time or studying whatever so i really actually enjoy that but then when i'm off of that oh my gosh i love just a good light-hearted mind-freeing sort of just a novel or whatever so i have recently read well i read um just as i am which is cicely tyson's biography just excellent um i just read will smith's biography um i thought it was excellent and like crystal said it's his biography so all the foolery you expect is in it and yet i really did appreciate the overarching view that he has of success what drove him to get to the point that he got to and then how he viewed it once he got there um and what he felt what what he realized he was still missing so it's very interesting in that regard um my favorite fiction novel of all time is the red tent by anita diamond if you have not read that just get it and read it you will love it gonna so much isn't it well it was a mini series on lifetime several years ago so i don't know if or is it redeeming love redeeming love is getting ready to be okay that's a good book too if you have it yes and then i just read karen kinsbury her last one oh my gosh i can't remember the name but anything anyway anything by karen kingsbury jodie pakult small great things i mean there's just a list i could give you of lots of great great books i just love getting lost in a random novel and one thing is when you're a writer reading what other people write you know and seeing i mean i literally went through jody picoult's book that small great things i went through it and read it with a pen like i was reading oh yeah textbook because i was just like what she just did with this sentence right here is ridiculous yeah the cadence of good writing oh my gosh the cadence of it is ridiculous so okay well thank you for those recommendations oh also john mark come here you just oh yeah you just have to read john mark anything he writes yeah it's just good it's just good that's awesome the ruthless elimination of hurry by john mark homer i don't want to read it because it's going to convict me to do things that i want to do go down goodness gracious lord jesus okay let's talk about platform so you recently hit a million followers which is amazing i always say if i'm holding somewhere close to ten percent of what you have i'm doing good but i think that that's amazing and here's why it's amazing because i have you know i always have interns around me and they're like okay but you gotta start doing reels and you need to do this and you got to get on tick-tock you need to do this and you need that and one of the things that i literally tell that i literally tell them um one of the girls on the team that she's her brain is just a marketing brain and she's always telling me i just say listen my sister i literally just said this last night my sister priscilla shire and my father tony evans have sizable followings and while they do share intentional things they're not running around in circles doing all this they're not running around on their phones you know for eight hours trying to stitch together a real cause listen i know that these gen zers and these some of these millennials is so serious oh my god i mean they are so serious in these streets and and i'm not mad because some of them are straight-up influencers hundreds of thousands of followers making a living from this yes i'm just saying that i resist the urge to start doing the most because i see you with a million followers dad i don't know where he is but he's up there too and what has fed that is their faithful um arrival on a regular basis to who they are supposed to be and what they are supposed to do you have not been chasing platform that's what i'm trying to say you have not been chasing uh fame i mean even um and i famous such a weird word to use with you but anyway it is what it is joel comes up to me sometimes and says who's more famous you or auntie cilla or if i go live he'll say how many people did you have on your live and i'll tell them you know whatever and he'll say well when auntie silla goes live how many people does she have on her life that's so interesting we have both have sons who are into their youtube following and who likes their videos and they're making these videos but you have created unintentionally or intentionally whatever that's looked like for you there is a platform but you haven't chased it and we talk about this every time we talk in some shape or form but so many people are out here girl chasing is successing the platform and the problem is in addition to the chase because they're giving the chase or the platform their yes what they're unintentionally giving their nose to is their own personal time with the lord the time with their purpose the development of friendships their service in the local church and so can you just speak to first of all just give a word to the people about what they really need to be thinking about and have in mind with the whole issue of platform that we have today and then i want to ask you a question about what it is like to have a platform and to hold that uh hold it well you know just with your intentionality with what you post and and just to add to the layer to what you just described what the the thing you're also saying no to when you're pursuing platform like that is your own sense of internal peace those two things just really cannot coexist when you're anxious about platform and trying to pursue it and get it because it because it's this constant moving target so you you sacrifice a sense of peace and rest and contentment when you're pursuing that now let me preface whatever i'm about to say by also suggesting and sharing that it's a struggle for all of us yeah because the world in which we live this construct has been created social media has many benefits it's incredible it's exciting it's wonderful way to minister to people to have fun it's great but it has created and stirred we see it in our kids you know my two oldest have instagram now and i mean i look at them and all their friends posting and it's it's literally they're just posting themselves it's just selfies that this world we live in is everybody now trying to create this image of themselves i see some young women they don't even know what it is to take a picture and just post a picture of themselves as they are because filters is it's what you do you you put on this persona um so what it has created in us is this voracious desire to be perceived a certain way by the public so particularly those of us who are in ministry if we're not careful we can get so caught up in that all of us can so when we recognize it when i see it when i feel that thing on the inside of me that wants to keep up with the joneses or be in that in the middle of what it looks like is that really unique environment where everybody's swirling around in a particular conversation or particular sort of posts or pictures when i feel that i just immediately take that captive what i mean by that is like the scriptures talk about taking thoughts captive i recognize what it is i see it i feel it and then i don't allow myself to contribute to that so if i'm only going to comment on that or say something because i want to be included that's the thing that i intentionally do not comment on so as not to feed that part of me which we all have that that is driven by that pride and that sort of wanting to be accepted by people so um to answer your question it's a constant struggle that i think we all are going to have and we just have to recognize it when we see that creeping us up on us and then resist the urge to feed that part of us that will constantly be hungry for attention i will tell you crystal one of the eye-opening things that happened to me maybe 15 years ago i was in australia i was speaking at a conference there and this group in australia they asked me while i was there several questions about seven several other people who they were thinking about having come over to their conference in future years so they wanted my opinion on those people they asked me about cc winans they asked me about beth moore and they asked me about tony evans their questions were who are these people we've heard their name but who are they what do they do exactly how do they so they're asking questions from a completely oblivious standpoint of who cece winans is who beth moore is who tony evans is so here i am listening to them they're genuine hearts asking about these people but they have no idea who they are that was one of the first times i had an eye-opening experience where you might be something in your world but the world is so big yeah that if for a moment you think you're up here all you got to do is go into another sphere to realize actually nobody has any idea who you are being in that sort of happening that happening several times in my life is a constant reminder to me that i i just better serve god faithfully where i am no matter how well somebody might know me in this circle or whatever in the grand scheme of the whole world i'm really just a small part and participant in what god is doing in his kingdom across the across the earth so that sort of helps me too to remember that there are people that i admire and revere so much who in other parts of the world they don't even really know their names and it's baffling to me that's the crazy part i mean who tony evans is how do you not know who cece wines is but you do i was great you go ahead go ahead i was just gonna say i was grateful to say on on behalf of all three of those people i was grateful to be able to say that they're incredible and have such integrity in ministry and and that i love them dearly you are intentional though about what you post on social media i know that um you know even down to us both needing creatives in our sphere of influence who can make the graphics and edit the videos and make them easy for us to post on our pla we know that kind of thing um i know that there is an intentionality i love how you share your comedic videos you know just to just it's just like bringing levity like this don't have nothing about jesus or genesis one one or me or my family but you just need this in your life today um there is an intentionality um and i'd love for you to talk about that the fun but also the very serious um there are times when there is something swirling in the atmosphere there is something current news and if you're a woman you're supposed to post it if you are a woman of faith or a person of faith you're supposed to post it if you black you're supposed to post it and there have been multiple times where you're just like i cannot have my dog in every fight it's not that the fight is not important it's just that with the care of my platform and with the care of the the platform that god has given me and the things that he has given me to have a microphone about just because i have hundreds of thousands of followers or a million followers that doesn't mean that i have to be the microphone for everybody's issue i've heard you talk about that i've heard other people with large platforms talk about that so i'd love to know what your thought process is when you bring the fun and when you bring the stuff that's hard how do you resist the urge to jump on the bandwagon just because everybody's talking about it yeah you have a platform you're supposed to help spread the word i know and you would be amazed how many emails or dms or whatever that i personally get or that we get on our ministry page that are very upset that i have not lent enough support to a particular topic that they think that i should be using my platform for it's amazing how many people think that they should be able to control what you what you are and are not posting so it is something particularly you know a year and a half ago when we all went through the george floyd incident together as a as a you know a global community but particularly here in the states and and then all of the um emphasis that was placed rightfully so on issues of justice and racial racial equity and all that that was a time that i can remember among many others where i really really really sought the lord and advice of mentors about what my influence should be what my what i should be using my platform for and the reality is it was a very important topic to me still is and other topics like it but this is the way i feel about it i feel like there are some hills that i know god has called me to die on but if i get killed on the hills that are not mine listen then i'm not available and able to actually be on the hill that god's called me to so that i can reach the people that are looking at that hill where i'm supposed to be posted with that particular message so i'm always asking myself all right if um if i post this or if i contribute to this or if i support this and i mean any number of issues um is this a hill god has called me to die on because you gonna die on me there is some group they will crucify you oh yeah you're gonna get canceled and crucified and there's some things i'm very willing to be because that's i know god has called me to that hill but i would rather for some of the cultural political issues that arise i would much rather point to the people who that is their hill that god has called them to they've studied it they've learned it they've got the language around it instead of me trying to be an expert in every topic why wouldn't i give a spotlight to the people who have given their lives to study that topic to develop the language around it to actually build um build integrity in their community around that issue there are so many people who know what they're talking about in that political sphere or that cultural sphere or that racial sphere or whatever the issue might be and i think that we need to be lending our platforms to support those people and to draw people's attention to them um so that's that's sort of what i one of the things i weigh through as i determine what i will and will not post and and lend support to publicly because sometimes the the better influence i can have is with the administration at my kids school as i'm talking to them about their textbooks or talking about the way they address certain things in school policy if i can spend my time as a mom on that pta or on the um neighborhood association in my neighborhood or at our local church with the youth group at the church there sort of lending my support there just because people don't see me on a on my public platform using it in the way they think i should doesn't lessen the value of what i'm doing privately and you're not going to post about that but people and i'm not going to post about that right that's right they have no idea all the conversations that i've had with so many people about so many different topics that have actually shifted the trajectory of some things that are very important in a school district or in our neighborhood or whatever in my sphere of influence that i have with other women's ministry leaders who are asking me questions about how to navigate diversity or all that all these conversations and important things that i'm doing in a private sphere that i'm not posting about and i and i think that i'm so glad you said that crystal because i think that should bring encouragement to all the people who feel like have begun to feel like yes their circle is small so what they're doing doesn't matter yeah no do what you can in the sphere of influence god has given you you don't have to post about it you don't need to post about it you can make an imprint on those issues that are very important and concerning to you um without feeling like you have to use your public platform for it to be validated that's so good you know one time i was i you know i i do all these things you know i'm going live and i'm doing all these different things and i i want to do a good job at it and so you know i look at the numbers we pay attention i try i have to work really hard because i'm wired as an achiever to make the a you know and so i can sacrifice making the a at the cost of something else but my point is this i was talking one time about man look at the number of people that watch this video and i wonder what it's going to take for me to increase the the number of people that watch this video and one of our good friends shonda said to me just let me ask you a question when you go speak um what do you think is a good audience size like i know you're willing to speak anybody speak anywhere but if you have this many people in the audience like what do you think is a large speaking event i said oh 500 to a thousand women for me is a large speaking event and she said yet you're disappointed that 2 500 people watch that video like even comparing it to myself she was like the issue is the comparison factor and you say is it impactful because somebody else had 300 000 people watch a video is it impactful that you had 2500 people watch her she said you just 2.5 x your audience with one video sitting at home why are you dissatisfied with that i think about our grandmother raising eight kids wanting to do certain things with her life and choosing not to do certain things because she focused on raising her children and now she has eight children on multiple continents who are doing the work of the lord and doing more mission work than she ever could have done which is what she dreamed of doing so she 10xed her investment in the growth and development of people's lives spiritually because she was willing to be committed to her audience of eight and so i think whatever your platform is even if it's the three kids down the hallway the five kids in your small the five women who are in your small group uh the people who sit on your row every sunday uh you're a nurse and the people who god gives you the ability to steward in the er today i think us paying attention to the platform that we're given whatever that is apart from social media and being faithful to share what god has given us to share in that sphere is where we make the difference and we've got to stop looking at numbers and feeling less than or more than because of where we stand on social media for sure absolutely um i wanted to ask you this last thing um you are such a promoter of other people you are a cheerleader you literally were a cheerleader in high school it brings you great joy it's evident by watching how you react it brings you great joy to cheerlead someone else to support someone else to help them get to the next thing to celebrate their accomplishments you come alive when you get an opportunity to do that there are so many women whether they're in ministry or not that we don't know about on social media who are worth following and so i would love for you just to give a sister shout out to anybody that you're like if you don't know who this person is whether you know just somebody that they bring i would love for you to share here are two or three women that you need to go and follow immediately because you enjoy learning from growing from laughing at who they are and what they're all about you're putting me on the spot there okay let's see here okay well i do feel like you if you're not following jackie hill perry you should be she always has something deep and profound and amazing to say but also just sort of following her life with four small children yes and it's hilarious and all of her makeover stuff with her home stuff like that she's so talented so i really enjoy enjoy watching her okay i'm trying to think who else crystal um uh i think that tony baker is hysterical [Laughter] yeah he and he sometimes it might be a little to the left so you have to just brace yourself because sometimes it might be a little slow but generally speaking he's just doing voiceovers with animal videos and they're hysterical so that's one that you would enjoy um and then i also enjoy following ashley um eland yes so ashley eland and tabitha brown auntie tab yes i i'm so impressed with ashley i mean she just has such a crazy position of leadership at such a young age and she's so graceful handling she's very gracious handling her position and she's a young mom so i mean i just think she's a boss babe but you know she wouldn't say that but to me i'm looking at her and thinking honey you are in rooms that people have no idea having conversations with people have people have no idea what you're doing but you have such a such a um a powerful position and she holds it so quietly and with such grace and so yeah i enjoy her too absolutely thanks for letting me put you on the spot and um letting me share that i'm not going to talk about your hair because we always talk about your hair this is the only thing but people always ask y'all this is what you need to know i can say it for you priscilla go look back at your baby pictures whatever you had when you were five is what she will have natural do not expect to have priscilla's hair her hair is a phenomenon our mother had crazy hair on her hair our cousin clarice has crazy hair our cousin faith has crazy hair the other girls don't have crazy hair so even in our family this is not a repeatable phenomenon okay just just moisturize leave it alone put some extensions on it braid it up throw a wig on it just don't touch it god did not make curly black textured hair to have a bunch of iterations of touch and just leave it alone and yeah keep it clean like that's basically it don't use a lot of heat that's a big deal a lot of heat just just leave it alone um i have something to share that is totally off topic okay i want you all to see what was one of the best christmas gifts that i got this year let's see here i don't even know if you can read that amber amber girl is it a coffee mug that just stays hot what girl lifeway women my publisher for bible studies they sent this to me for christmas oh my god and i have not stopped using it so it's got a saucer that basically is plugged in in the saucer is a charger so i leave it on there when i wash the cup i just leave it on there and then when i take it off i get like an hour and a half of like the last sip of coffee or tea is just as hot even if it's been sitting on your desk for 45 minutes it's to an hour it's the littlest thing it's the small joys and if i leave it on the saucer crystal at the desk plugged in it will be hot all day long so i'm just saying if you need a gift for your mama and them this ember situation has blessed my life and you are a gift person for sure i'm so grateful that you are so i can call you when it's time to give gifts you're you are great at gifts too crystal you y'all chris will be doing the most with the gifts i'm serious they're all personalized and sweet and thoughtful and thank you crystal but i have it when i have it and i don't when i don't if you don't have inspiration you can still give a good gift if i don't know what is going to rock your world this christmas i'm clueless like it's either i got to go all the way in and custom make it for you but that's my whole personality right 0 to 60 i'm either doing nothing or doing all the things and you know and you just kind of keep a steady i'm going to show up and give my yeses where i where i need to well i love you very much i love you too thank you for letting me get to be your sister and i'm very grateful that you got a chance to i was like i can't start the sister circle podcast off and not start with my actual sister but y'all because she's in this season like we're coming off of the holidays i knew how i had to approach her i was like now listen no pressure because she's in a season of no right now it's been this way since at least solid november so i was like listen i know you're not trying to do no interviews i know you're not trying to do no work and i know that i'm not trying to take advantage of our sistership by saying girl i need you so i was like no pressure and i said but just know this but it's a podcast it's a podcast like if we don't have to see each other she was like okay because i don't i don't necessarily want to have to feel any pressure to be on video or get dressed i said i'm with you i'm with you so this was all i could do this morning that's all i could do but we were on the phone before we got on this interview and the only reason why i went and put a little mascara on and a little because you saw me getting dressed because i saw your brows were done i was like oh lord she done penciled in her brows let me go and tell you it was a video too and we and then we you would use it if you could use it but i also told you i wouldn't if we didn't have to so when i saw you getting prepared i literally was still in a robe you saw me earlier in a row i was like i was trying to be close i was trying to be a full guest yeah well thank you for being a full a full guest i'm very very grateful and let me just say over you in front of everybody who's who's listening or i don't know if we're gonna use video or not but for sure for everybody who's listening the intentionality and i know you will so i know you don't do it perfectly none of us do but the intentionality with which you show up to the things you're called to do that you show up for the people you're called to serve that you show up for the ministry that god has given you to to steward the way you intentionally show up saying all the no's but being very present for the yeses is such an example it's an example for me i literally say to myself often what would priscilla say here if there's an opportunity that i have i think i think of thing like you've said to me girl if it's not a yes don't don't work to give the no like the no happens when it's not a yes so don't think is this a no think is it a yes and if it's not a yes say no like i literally hear your voice in my head with the rationale that you use in the thought process that you have with the particularity that you use about for putting in your your your life what you have so i just want to say you are intentional um and that shows up in so many so many different ways with how you show up for other people and with how you show up for me and i know that you know even in the midst of us walking through these last two years and the chips falling from mommy and us figuring out who does what and when do we do it and how do we include each other and those sensitivities and all the things that we still negotiate as sisters because we get better at being sisters but we're still sisters we still know how to rub each other where the friction points are we still know those things even with how you show up for me and that intentionality and the grace that you've given me as we go through our mother's things because you're just like i could get it done and you need time there's such an intentionality with how you serve daddy um care for our brothers our nieces and nephews you're such an intentional person and i want you to know that i have been learning and still get to learn from you and i'm really really grateful because you're my sister to be able to learn from your person thank you thank you chrissy i could say all of those exact same things right back to you so i appreciate it very much oh the thing right have you seen the thing it's flurona like it's a combination of the flu and and corona people are having both they're testing positive for vote it's a mess okay yeah it is a mess right now i'm sorry well i will talk to you later love you and thanks for joining me you're welcome thanks for having me i'm glad we could do it and i got to do it with fresh dominican hair i know i know that's why i pulled mine out of my ponytail i was like let me look like that listen and it's mine it's not the wig it's not the puppy how about it all right i got to hold on to it because it's thinning you know it's thinning i gotta hold on to a while ago all right bye [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Chrystal Evans Hurst

Views: 114,207

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Id: Um5QJD_jCdc

Length: 70min 11sec (4211 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 22 2022