Showing Up As Yourself with Tabitha Brown

well y'all I don't know how this happened I do know how that happened I do know how this happened what had happened was Tabitha Brown has been on my wish list for a couple of years I've talked about this I have told my uh my audience about it y'all have heard me talk about it I told my team about it and one of the girls in the Inner Circle a couple of times on tab's Instagram would tag me and she would say she's talking about this you should you should she kept pushing me well tab released a book y'all probably already know this feeding the soul and when she came to Dallas that member of the Inner Circle bought a ticket for me to go she said she's in your city go take your shot so Priscilla and I waited in line because we were willing to wait in line and then someone in line said uh do y'all know Priscilla Shire and her sister are in line and we got a chance to come in after waiting for about an hour we got a chance to come in and meet Miss Brown Miss tab tab Auntie tab all the names we give her and y'all tab is a delight she's a delight to see online she's a delight to know as she tells you her story in her book and she was a delight to meet in person and I have the Delight of having her with me today so welcome tab to my show oh my goodness thank you thank you so much and I didn't know I was on the wish list oh my for a while in fact one of the girls who used to work with me before the blow up told me I think you need to have Tabitha Brown on your podcast and so I was kind of watching and then of course when everybody else found out about you I was like dang it I should have reached out before but it was great it was great listen we are having so much fun and I say collectively we are having so much fun just watching you walk in your season all the seasons that were your Seasons that led up to this season that we get to witness it is a delight I think I speak for many other people when we say we are along for the ride with you so seeing you succeed and flourish and good things come your way it's just a treat I we feel like I feel like I'm with you so thanks for bringing us along um I wanted to ask you this first just let's start here I know that you've said that um everything changed for you when you became started becoming walking in you becoming yourself what does that even mean what does that mean changed or you did differently or you relaxed into what does that mean well you know um it firstly it means for a long time I didn't show up as tab right I showed up as someone I thought the world wanted to see right I would uh whether I was in Corporate America or in entertainment I was always trying to fit in and make everybody else comfortable make everybody else like me um make them want me especially in entertainment and so that would be conforming and code switching and covering my acts wearing my hair one way dressing one way just trying to be right for others and I realized that's not freedom right that's not freedom and I also realized that I was being so disrespectful to God listen because what that meant to me was that I thought he didn't do a good enough job on me that I had to transform and be somebody else amen but the moment that I said you know what God I'm gonna be whoever you created me to be I'ma just be tail and I'm gonna only live my life the way you want me to live it who you created me to be that's that's who I'm gonna be so every day I started taking off those layers I still take them off now you know and I feel like he honored that it was like he said finally you trusted yeah like I was waiting on you I was waiting on you right exactly and and doing that when I just started showing up as me honey all the doors begin to open all the doors began to open just from tab being tab did you know did you know what tab being tab meant and you were intentionally stuffing it or did you are you becoming aware even now of what it means so did you know and did you just hide it under a bushel or are you kind of discovering you know I know so many people don't even know what it is to be themselves they're so used to practicing so I'm curious if you knew and stuffed or if you didn't know and you are still in the process of discovery I knew because I knew when I was home I would I would go all day and work and do things and by the time I got home I was exhausted because he was holding it together tight right because you're trying to do all this and it's tiring to put a costume on every day and it's like zipping this up going into work going to auditions going to set going to events trying to be you know and then you get home and it's like oh Lord and I also knew because when I'm with my family when I'm with my daddy when I'm you know what I'm saying I was just sad and my husband used to say to me all the time why don't you just be you know because he would help me sometime with auditions and he'd be reading with me he was like why do you why do you use that voice why don't you just just be you and I'd be like they don't want that that ain't what the people want I gotta I gotta give them what they want you know and uh I told the story before when I was working you know my nine to five my daddy called one day called office and I answered the phone he said uh may I speak to Tabitha Brown like you know I had to get quiet it's me dead he said oh girl I didn't know that was you honey uh I said yeah I'm at work but of course I knew you know I was I was trying to survive and become something else but in you know reality all I needed to do was just become me that's so good yeah that's so good and I love how you said I know how I was at home you know that gives something so practical for someone else who may say how do I know what the real me is when when you are the most comfortable and the least conscious of what other people around you think and that that should be that should be when you're home that's right and and I also know that like you know when I get tired when I used to be out or you sound a little country when you tired don't you because I I would be exhausted so it'd be hard to kind of keep up yeah you know what I'm saying uh but not no more honey this is a tab they gonna get no matter what this will show up well 23 years is what I know that it's been a journey of over two decades of you finding your way um to to hear you haven't you know it's not an overnight thing you've been working on you your craft and your desire to succeed in these spaces for a long time and that's a part of why we enjoy watching because we know that we know that that's a part of that story but you know when you think about the parts along the journey where you were thinking about quitting or wondering you know it had been so long um what kept you going oh so many little things right um the voice that I hear inside uh and I talk about this in my book The Voice that woke me up one morning you know and uh told me this is not the life I planned for you right uh my mama and the dreams that and the vision she's told me that God showed her those little reminders yeah um all those things kept me going and and this may sound crazy but I remember so many times when I lived in Greensboro right when I was you know back on North Carolina but we were living in Greensboro I would go to like uh drive-throughs or you know you'd be in the mall and people would stop me and be like are you the lady from from that show and I'd be like uh know her not working Apac customer service like this show you know what I'm saying yeah like like this lady on the uh children show on Disney and I would say no but but I would just hear Whisper of God saying yes they see your destiny you look like where you're going that's the thing yeah you look like yeah so those little things kept me going and also the burning desire inside of me I've just always had this desire to entertain to be like in the light it's just always something I love acting I love making people laugh I love making people cry I love making people feel something and so if I don't do that I don't feel well right if I go too long without it I start not to feel well so I knew it was something that was calling for me and I just wanted to answer it I love that yeah now you have had so many things I'm sure that you've been able to check off of your list your dreams and your desires that have been fueled by your passions and by the voice in your ear by your mother's dreams for you by the people who in your life your husband your children your friends who've been encouraging you to keep going and I know that you're not done but what does it look like for you now to update your list like you know what how do you when so many things have opened so many doors have opened how do you think you keep dreaming um when dreams have have come and are coming true well you know the great thing is that a lot of the things that are happening now I never dreamed right I never dreamed those things and so those uh are like surprises for me right and because of that that's one of the things that keeps me going because it's like God says and it's more than what we can imagine that's right right it's more than what we can imagine so I just keep on pursuing I I wake up every day and I expect the unexpected that's that's my motto expect the unexpected tab honey because we just never know but I feel like if we're here every day that we wake up we still got work to do we still have dreams to dream and I'm just getting started honey I'm I love the idea of you know coming up with new things and uh discover new things about myself we're changing every day right and so with change every day also new dreams come about so I don't feel like I've made it and I feel like I'm just getting in the group girl I gotta keep on but I think that's so important which I think it's so important and I say this all the time God always always always dreams bigger dreams than we do for ourselves but when we agree with the things we do know would you all of those years agreeing with the passions that he put in you and with the dreams that didn't go away and with um you know doing all the hard things you were agreeing with the dreams he did give you an inside look to which then leaves him free to then do more things than you can like you said even imagine exceedingly above and beyond anything that you can ask or even think and so um I know that that gives hope to somebody because some people and I know you know this they don't have dreams and they say well maybe something's wrong with me and I think just showing up to what you know to do leaves God free to do the things you don't need to know anything about and I think that that's very freeing for someone to hear I absolutely love love and loved have loved seeing you intentionally bring your daughter along for the ride not just because not just because she's your daughter and you want her to be there with you but I see you intentionally mentoring her discipling her guiding her positioning her um I know you had a good mom and I know that you know what it is for a mom to breathe life into her daughter's soul and I see you doing that very intentionally um I I'm just curious um when you think about the specific things like not just that your mom loved you and that she was you know believed in you but specifically what did your mom do to shape your outlook what did she do to encourage you in your gifting um and how that is impacting what you're intentionally doing for your daughter too oh honey you know uh my mom was so so very special right and I often think about you know understanding that as much as she was my mom uh she was an angel to me right I I I always think about the fact that yes as mothers we are chosen to give life to these children right but we don't own them we don't own them they're not ours and the one thing that my mother always did was let me fly honey I would come up with the the ideas and Mama I want to go over here to you know I want to go to Miami um go down here to go to school and then that didn't work I'm gonna go to Chicago that didn't work I'm gonna go to La that didn't work out and she would always say go go and see that's the only way you're gonna know go and see she gave me permission to be crazy in my thoughts to dream as big as I wanted and uh encourage that right and she would always say you know I didn't get to do a lot of the things that I dreamed of doing so don't you ever make that same mistake you know she would tell me the things that she did that prevented her and so she would try to encourage me not to go down that road so that it wouldn't make it hard for me to dream and so in doing that just giving you the permission to be and to be free to dream uh I I figure with my daughter if I could do that and just keep multiplying it right because the thing about about my daughter is I named her choice so that she can know she was always empowered within to make her own decisions right you make your own choices your life is your choice right and so in doing so it has really worked like she she is a free spirit she is going to be strong-minded in whatever she is thinking or feeling and I support her right I support her having her own life experience and when she told me in high school because she didn't really care for school like high school just was you know it was not a good time for her and so when she told me she didn't want to go to college and I was like okay you know I support that well what do you want to do and she said I want to model and I said all right you know and I'm not a model but I'm in entertainment so I knew the only way for me to help her in this Avenue is to put her on the platform that is correct so that people can get to see her so I told her I said well you know when she graduated I was like when I go do events I want you to travel with me so people can you know see her I said but we're gonna start doing this uh show very good Mondays every Monday and that way people will start to see you and that will you know help you build your brand and what you do with that is your business right and she took that she ran with it like I'm so so proud of her and I tell her often you know I don't get in her business on I let her you know explore business for herself and when she has questions or if I see something it's like okay let me help you here I help her but I don't overstep I let her learn on her own I let her figure her things out but she knows that mama's always right there right how do you how do you balance that with the freedom to make choices and make mistakes with the desire to guide not so much direct but to give wisdom where they may not ask for it or may not even know to ask for it how do you balance that part of the of the mama job right well you know I've I've done my job in raising her and I have to trust that I did that right my daddy always said you got to trust that you've done your job so now I'm always gonna be Mama by default I don't have to reinforce that I'm mama she know I'm mama now I get to be friends right now I get to have real conversations without any agenda just woman to woman she's 20. right she's gonna be 21. and so there's no judgment there's no um there's there's nothing to fear on my end or hers right so I can have a conversation that I feel needs to be had uh and sometimes she'll just come to me right so we're talking about uh your relationship with your young adult adult daughter this is not three-year-old Choice does whatever she wants to when whenever she wants to because I think you know people need to understand the difference of um you know and even when they're younger you can give them freedom to you know choose what they wear and that kind of thing but there's a different kind of parenting at five than when they're 15 or when they're 20. absolutely yeah listen the the 15 honey she almost didn't make it listen okay it was gonna be her or me that's what I would say to my daughter my daughter's 30. listen my daughter is 30. and I thought I thought we we I I thought I knew what I was doing and apparently you were somebody else I don't know who yeah where did my daughter go right yeah been there done that got the T-shirt okay yep but all of that all of those moments prepared us for the 20 year old conversation that's right now we can laugh about those other things like girl you know honey mama I had to kill you one day you know we we can laugh about those things now but it's a trust that is built yeah right there's a trust that is built and it's okay right and what I what I love about uh my daughter is she also can can get me together you want your children to be the a better version of you right yeah yes yes and so I could be having a conversation about something that you know I'm thinking about and she can be like oh mama that ain't no and and break something down for me and I'll be like oh get mommy together girl thank you because I have taught her well yeah but and also I can't take credit for everything because she's also her own human who is discovering life on her own as well and so it it's just a relationship and not I think taking the the titles off of it so that you can actually have those conversations yeah yeah that's so good now you I read somewhere that you um currently I don't know how long you have done it or how long you will do it but your son are you homeschooling him right now no so during the pandemic he was homeschooled like everybody else okay we got to know okay gotcha because I didn't know if that tied in at all to what you were saying about the school connection at all but okay oh yes you go to school honey uh he did The Homeschool like everybody else did you know he was here for a year and then again and when they opened them doors and we was up there first like y'all y'all letting them in where they gonna sign up at where where we got to put them um are you naturally a joyful person I know you are a joyful person are you naturally that way yes I am always happy always have been always have been uh my husband always because we're so we balance each other out because he is very much so not a naturally joyful person he's very just flat like you know when you see him people like you gotta you don't know what he's thinking he poker face right um and even if he's happy you won't you don't really know it you're not gonna get the Full Throttle version of that right right but I just you know I have always been a a happy person you know my my daddy he's he said I've always been that way even when I was little I just you know it feels good to to smile and be joyful take a lot of energy to be anything else for me well you know one of the things I think uh many of us have learned from you is what Joy looks like even whether it's natural whether it's not when your joy is challenged uh I can only imagine with the amount of people that now know who you are that have opinions about what you do um the amount of criticism challenges opinions that come your way and whether however you ingest them or don't ingest them is not my point and not my question uh not my statement I think what we have learned from you though is what Joy and a smile even in the face of a solid clap back what that looks like and that you can you can say what needs to be said with Grace and love and Clarity and confidence and no hesitation and still get your point across without trading your joy um I'm just curious about that though I'm curious if you have always been able to carry that Joy with you in the face of criticism and challenges was that a learned skill how to be so kind and loving and joyful and smiling even when you need to read somebody the right act I'm just curious you know uh today I've had a whole another life before okay I'd be like uh your grace and mercy brought me through honey listen all of us do but um I have always tried to see the good in people yeah and I've always uh tried to work really hard on not reacting out of emotion because nothing ever is accomplished that way and so yes I I get you know I've never been one of those people who can say oh honey I'd have been mad and I do you know get upset sometimes nowhere in comparison how I used to though yeah uh there's something about when you go through some really tough times right and for me I went through some really dark times and death and um it's it does something to you at least for me it does and it just changed me and I just decided you know it takes too much for me to be nasty to somebody and also what good is it right what good is that yeah uh the thing that I feel that we all need and lack the most of is love and I feel that that is my assignment to love and spread love uh doesn't mean that I don't have bad days or that I don't get upset I just really don't feed into it and most times the only people that can really upset me is the people that I know and love like my husband you know how to get under my you know my children like immediate family know how to hurt me or get to me you know what I'm saying but people who don't know Tam it ain't my business to get upset with you when I know get away you don't know me and God bless you hahaha that ain't my business so I can't waste my time on it but yeah I've never really been like one of those you know some people say a hot head or nothing like that I ain't never that's never been me yeah however uh don't take my kindness for weakness listen listen listen honey she ain't she ain't she ain't a weak woman okay don't take it for weakness baby listen you and chance um it's also been fun I mean in general I keep saying it's been fun to watch because you basically have put yourselves on our devices on our computers on our iPads and let us watch you Mom your kids your mom your dogs your your wife your husband you cook your food you know just all of that but um you know you all's relationship is is great I know it's marriage is what it is and you take time and you go through those Seasons um and I know you've talked freely and a lot about how you have supported each other you know in in the dreams it was so fun to watch the retirement party that you threw for for him and uh to see um you know the the the surprise on his face with all the things you had embedded in that celebration for him if you were to say something right now to someone who is sitting there going well that looks nice like I'm glad that they were able to you know support each other's dreams and work through the hard stuff and their situation looks nothing like that assuming you know the normal healthy we're not talking about horrible situations of abuse anything like that just it's just flat you know what I'm saying what advice would you give um um specifically the women who are listening what advice would you give them about what they can do to pour into their marriage not that it's a one-sided street but just if you were just going to talk to the women what would you what would you say well for me first and foremost never compare never compare right because you don't know what the last 23 years of my marriage has looked like on the inside yeah here on the outside right yeah um but show up for you first show up for you first so that you can be the best version of you you can be the best wife um you know how to love yourself so that he knows how to love you right but also that teaches you how to listen better how to communicate better how to show up for each other better because you know we got together we we grew up in our relationship we're 19. you know we both he 43 now I'm 42 and we grew up in this thing and in the early years and it I didn't know how to uh a listen and not ask questions right I wanted to fix everything what's wrong with you you know and I had to get to a place where sometimes girl you don't need to say nothing you just need to to be quiet for a little bit and observe right so that you know what he actually needs but what I realized was I couldn't do that because I didn't know what I needed and when I started having to get to Know Tab and spending time with me I was like oh I need this for me then I knew how to wait and show up and give him what he needed but it all started with me now you know some people are listening to that and they get confused because they hear showing up for yourself knowing how to love yourself that equates to them as selfishness now you know as far as what we can see and again we're all looking from the outside in but you're very giving thoughtful person so what is the difference between I know how to love me I know what I need I know how to take care of me and being selfish and I think so many people are running from being selfish that they go they run too far and they're so selfless that they're actually not caring for themselves at all they have nothing to give so what how does somebody know the difference how do you know know the difference well sometimes we got to understand that there's there's not a big difference and that there's nothing wrong with being selfish with your time okay selfish is also being it is giving self-care right there's a stigma to the word selfish right sometimes you got to be like you know what right now I got to be a little selfish with my time I need it for me right now what's wrong with that what's wrong with that I don't think there's anything wrong with that right because if I don't if I don't I might show up empty and not give you the best of me um right I might show up half full and not give you the best of me I want to show up all right for you I want to show up good for you so sometimes that may require me to be just a little selfish with my time for myself and nothing's wrong with that we know self-care we know self-care I'm sorry to interrupt you we know self-care for you of course you're taking care of your body we know that watching what you eat we watch you working out in the gym but apart from those obvious things what fills you like when you're not actively doing anything to care for your physical body when you are selfish with your time for you what does that mean you're doing besides sleeping well eating well working out well when I say self being selfish like with your timing right uh whether that be spending some time with yourself alone whether you are honey but they haven't I I take a day shopping okay let me let me go let me go do some shopping let me go you know out for a little walk just clear my head uh let me have some alone time spa day whatever thing may be even with so this is another thing that I had to learn from my for myself when you have friends right you have your girlfriends I have a girlfriend who never ever took a girls trip she never ever been with her husband for over 20 years and she never had a like a girls trip because she was too busy working or she felt guilty leaving home or exactly okay right and thinking that something was wrong with that because you're married nothing is wrong with that that is saying you know what I need some some girl time right that's okay for me to go on a little trip or have a day with my girls or you know what I'm saying so it's little things it's whatever it means to you that fills you that makes you feel good right and you're not hurting yourself or anyone else you go and you have your time with yourself get to know you honey I love plays I love museums my husband he's that's not his thing right he'll go to appease me right yeah so what's wrong with me going with my my best friend and go or go by myself and do something that I love to do and then there's no uh resentment or there's nothing inside of me that's like dang I wish we did that I don't need you to do it because I like it were you always like that like even in marriage free to do it by yourself or did you have to work your way into that freedom oh I won't always like that girl that's why I can tell the people now you better get to know you because let me tell you something foreign the reason I can tell women now to show up for you is because I didn't for so long there you go and listen I love my husband I love my children but I put them before me for a long time and I was exhausted right but I also realized I wasn't giving them the best version of Mommy I wasn't giving them the best version of the wife because I was showing up empty I was giving them a little bit uh whatever I could and by the time I got back to me honey I have nothing to give to you I have nothing to give me right and so that wasn't fair to me and that also you know it took a toll for a while in our relationship with me and my husband and vice versa and him as well because we were both doing the same things trying to please each other and then it was like damn last time I did something for me and I want you to do that now I said why I want him to do things for himself but maybe you need to go go with your boys y'all need to go out and do some you know have y'all some meantime and vice versa because you grow up and you your mind is opening you realize like wait a minute out now I would love to be all that he needs in the world but honey no [Laughter] yeah so and it's all right you know you are um in you know a season where there are lots of things that you can do that fuel you and I'm sure lots of people that are pulling at you like me to do all the things um you got your restaurant kale my name of course you've got feeding the soul because it's my business is awesome book here um and you know appearances and interviews and then the acting I mean it's just full when you talk about taking care of you um how are you setting boundaries right now like how what does that look like for you to stay grounded and with all the goodness that's coming to not even in the goodness run away too far from yourself well first of all I'm free right yeah free so uh that means I I only am tab which means I don't do nothing I don't want to do what but what about the hard stuff in life and the sacrifices and the and the things that you have to do that you don't feel I did all them honey them days is gone girl uh if it does not serve me I'm not doing it right but first and foremost it's me and then my family that's my Foundation right um of course God is is the the first but then me Family Foundation everything else comes after that and I love love the power of no listen it's an anointing I believe that Noah's pointing and a complete sentence I have no problem with it uh I tell people in the past second saying oh yeah no that's not gonna work for me thank you no I'm good honey no thank you because I know who I am and I just know what I'm not gonna do I yeah so balance is easy for me in that way because I do a lot and I do a lot of things that I love right so I'm not gonna um allow myself to get burnt out I'm not gonna allow myself to do things that don't feel well I'm not gonna allow myself to do anything that does not serve me and I'm not gonna do anything that uh you know I'ma pray first before I answer any email before I answer any requests and if God tell me no even though I think I want to do it honey I ain't doing it how do you know when he's saying no how what is what does it mean to know when God tells you no how do you know well for me and I know I'm a little different than most people because I hear differently yes and I always have to tell people that because some people like that how you know and I'd be like listen I'm a little different this has been my whole life right I know that I have a gift because do not um but there's a there's a difference between me wanting to do something and him telling me to do it right there's a feeling that I get but also there's a discomfort when I say I want to do something but it doesn't feel all the way right yeah I'm like oh yeah you don't want me to do this do you all right you know yeah and even if I try to push past it he he will throw the roadblock up there will be something that he it's almost like he said I'm gonna give you one more try I'm gonna warn you one more time if you do it you on your own you're gonna have to you're gonna have to go through it but I'm telling you now I don't want you to do that and that's how I know if it ain't smooth sailing if it ain't because this is one thing I've learned in this season of my life when God is in control baby it's a lot of work but it works out so nice it works out so nice honey I had an idea in in May I was sitting in Chicago it killed my name in Chicago and I told my girlfriend I would love to open one of these in in La not five minutes later the owner came to the table said oh so good to see you again I'm actually visiting L.A I'm hoping one day I'll be able to open one there my name here in LA so if if we're obedient it just works out so well it just works out so well I love how you um obviously bring your relationship with God into the Public Square you don't apologize you don't hide and of course why would you he's been too good for you to well for you to pretend like you know and you don't apologize or um hesitate in that um one is what I'm curious why do you think so many of us and I'm just say us people who who love God and who you know but we get into the spaces where just in the world we're at everybody's not trying to have that conversation why do you think people who love God hesitate when they're in public squares to bring that Faith with them because he's been good to all of us in half okay I think that and I know personally it's because of the system that has been put in place to make you fear losing your job right you can't bring religion here school you can't bring religion here right um work I think that people are afraid of the repercussion of what they may lose it's a fear right and I had to come to a place of understanding that honey God God got me all the way together one day he said now you uh and one day he got together in one day and he got me together with that girl he said now are you dependent on that check are you depending on me listen foreign and I listen I want it all he said I can have all the desires in my heart honey and I want all of them okay I want all that he said I can have here and I'm not ashamed to say where my help comes from I just listen if I lose a job or somebody don't want to work with me because of my love of God honey then baby I don't want to work with you that ain't where I'm supposed to be no way right but I think that people are they just live in fear because the system has told them they can't right but it's also just as a as a black woman right it's the same thing of conforming because the system told us that we weren't enough just as we are you can't wear your natural hair to work it's not professional who said who said I couldn't wear braids who said the Donna can't have being a whole afro that Donna can't be free right she on vacation right now unless you're on a little break Casey but normally you know she is free to roam about the cabin and so uh I think it's just a matter of when you get these limitations put on you and you start to believe them wholeheartedly and and more than believe them you fear them and that's why because I mean people tell me all the time Taya because I wish I could just go to work and just be free like you and I say what you know if you start showing up to your interview free then you don't have to hide it when you get the job yeah right and so a lot of times we're going to an interview and we try to be on our best behavior and we try to be you know who we ain't and then we get the job right and then we go to work and then something something happened and you got to show them the real you and then like oh my God who is this person well you should have just showed them who you was in your interview so ain't nobody surprised when you just and if the job's for you then it's for you yeah Listen My mama taught me this she said can't nothing stop your destiny can't never stop what God has planned not even death not even death can stop that so what do you fear honey and then the fear what's for you is going to happen well you mentioned death I want to talk about grief I know you talk freely and openly about losing your mom and the Hard Road that was to travel and um and how that has impacted how you live we share that I lost my own mom two years ago and I'd love to talk to you about what it looks like what it has looked like for YouTube and I'm gonna say I'm gonna use the word manage that may not be the right word but to walk with learn how to hold hands with the grief that I believe that you experience acutely when someone you love goes on but that you learn to walk with for the rest of your life what wisdom do you have to share for people so many people right now who are walking with loss and grief loss of not just of people a lot of things jobs you know being distant from loved ones but specifically as it relates to death what have you learned about living with grief that you think would be helpful and encouraging for other people who are in that spot right now acutely to know well um you don't for me it's a little bit different only because I am a very odd person I guess when it comes to death uh my mother and I um talked about all the time and I have she made sure I was comfortable with death right she made sure I understood it at a very young age uh you know very early on I from the time I can remember maybe four or five I've always dreamed of people who have passed on and so death has always kind of surrounded me and the one thing that I can tell you is that we have to allow ourselves to feel right and grieving is not um there's no time frame on it it's forever when we lose something forever that is correct it's forever that piece of your heart will never be there it once it is gone it's gone and that peace will be missing forever and there are times where it feels all right and then there's times where you're triggered and that it hurts right like now it is the holiday season and memories surround us um and sometimes we laugh at a memory and then sometimes we cry right because we miss we miss our mothers and our fathers or our loved ones and we have to allow ourselves to feel and it's okay right it's okay but the one thing that I know is that we can't get stuck in it because that's not what they would want and we keep them alive by talking about them don't you know um some people run from it because they say it's too painful but I always say run to it right run to those memories talk about them you know some people tell me when they meet me they say girl I feel like I know your mom yeah it's still here you know and that's me keeping her very much so alive um and I love that right uh it doesn't mean that I don't still have days where I cry because I miss her so much and you know it's been 14 years but it some days feels like yesterday yeah right but allow yourself to feel and talk to them just where you are right some days then I'll be sitting here in my office and I just have a whole conversation with um I got you know pictures of her on my desk but I literally um I keep her very much so alive very much so alive but I always allow myself to feel and have my moment and I encourage others to do the same that's so good run to the grief feel it and run to the grief um if you could have only one meal only one out of all the things that you know how to fix cook create make us think it ain't vegan whatever it is what's your one favorite if I had to name one meal what is that girl one one oh Lord Jesus I don't know honey I love food so much I don't even know girl I I mean so much is coming to my head you know I love a taco I love a jackfruit Taco yep just so you know Priscilla did that that was one of the first things she tried and she said oh my gosh it is good she said I don't even know I didn't even know what a jackfruit was but I was following along and I did it just what she said just just the way she said and she said that it might change my life very good I mean I do I just you know I love tacos and I love a good fresh guacamole uh but yeah I guess excuse me I guess I could say that but I listen I love food and it might be tacos today and tomorrow it could be lasagna honey you know people but we'll take tacos for today we'll take tacos okay Tacos on this Good Friday okay on this Good Friday one more uh quick question for you sister Circle you mentioned your friends I mean this is the sister Circle Inner Circle I believe that all women we gotta have our we have to have our girls and you have to know how to serve those girls in the different seasons of your life so they can serve you too um what it has it looked like for you to keep keep friendship to poor into friendship to to maintain friendship because if they're good and they're long their work too how have you been able to keep your friends close and keep those relationships healthy well you know communication right I'm so blessed you know I still have my best friends from kindergarten right my best friend from kindergarten name is Tori Galloway and she was my first best friend she's still my friend she lives in North Carolina uh my second best friend her name was peaches or is Peaches and she became my best friend in seventh grade and we're still best friends today and then of course as adults now here in L.A I you know met adult girlfriends who are now like my sisters and best friends and I think it's just a matter of showing up for each other right um and and that means simply sometimes a phone call to check in uh when we can see each other do so but to never take it personal when they're living their life hmm listen don't take it personal and if we are out here living our life honey so if y'all don't talk for about you know a couple weeks or a month it's all right all right because guess what when we pick that phone up it's like we ain't missed a day yes yes that's so good but respect each other's time and respect each other's life that's how we keep it strong that's good Council I got my my time is running up I have this last thing this last thing that I want to ask you of course again your book is called feeding the soul and you know you have won your way to our hearts telling us how we can eat better take care of our tummies but also um take care of our Lives by making sure that we love our lives and you've not apologized not one second for doing that um but there are so many ways I know and you talk about so many of them in your book what it has looked like for you to learn the lessons how to feed your soul if there is one thing and again it's the one thing because I we we know you can't make nobody else's day bad if your day is back we know that we know we know that you have to mind your business we know that you gotta you know we know these things you've been teaching us and I mean we we got we we got the t-shirts to prove it we know what Auntie tab would say we know what you would say uh believing it's going to happen not giving up on your dreams all of these things these positive messages that you put into the world and that you live each and every day but if my soul is empty today if someone is listening and they are this is just one more interview and one more opportunity they have had to listen to you they've been listening to you they got it if they don't hear you you say nothing else if their soul is empty and they know it and they're listening and they're saying I hear what she's saying and I I've been watching her but I'm still running on E and their soul needs nourishment what is the one thing that you would say if you don't do anything else today I need you to do this think this absorb this take this in what would that one thing be at first right you're still here which means you still have work to do yeah and it will come right so sometimes uh we we feel empty and we feel purposeless but if you're still here God still has purpose for you and even if you don't know what that is it will come to you but you're here because you still have an assignment until you until you take that last breath and you leave you still have work to do so know that your life has meaning know that even in this season uh of Stillness you still have purpose so hold on to knowing that and keep your eyes open he Reveals All Things We just have to be open I know you said as far as your new show tab time that God told you your assignment was to put love into the world and to start with the children that that was not to only do that but to certainly take that opportunity to embed it and deliver it there and I just want you to know I know you know it but just to Adorn your road the road you walk with a few flowers uh it is very clear to me and to so many of us what your assignment is it's very clear that you know what your assignment is and it's also very clear that you are walking in that assignment and every door that God brings to you that he brings to you and that he opens for you you walk through that boldly because you are aware of your assignment and thank you for living out your assignment because that assignment to bring more love into the world and to show us what it looks like for you to love your life love your husband love your children love your friends and love those opportunities and people that God brings into your path it is teaching us how to do the same you are in action living in your purpose and you are teaching us how to do that too so thank you so much thank you for that thank you so much for that I appreciate that [Music]

Channel: Chrystal Evans Hurst

Views: 117,177

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Id: XC-ZDPEVP3I

Length: 54min 22sec (3262 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 08 2023