Peyton's got jokes at the ESPYS

welcome to the ESPY Awards I'm your host Payton Manning and tonight I am honored to be following in the footsteps of all the other great espy hosts timeless icons like Jimmy Smits Jeff Foxworthy and of course who's the bosses Tony Danza the only difference between me and those other guys I knew when to retire tonight is very special because this is the SBS 25th anniversary right 25 years later back when this show debuted Michael Jordan's Bulls had just won their third consecutive championship Simone biles wasn't even born yet and I still had my original neck and this anniversary show is going to be different because the ESPY Awards are being hosted by a former athlete yep the ESPYs finally got it right this year because normally some comedian or entertainer or Matthew Perry comes up here and just tears the athletes to shreds okay okay I know what some of y'all are thinking right John Cena hosted the ESPYs last year and he's an athlete John Cena is an athlete the same way that Ryan walk these are reliable witness it's just [Applause] it's just not an accurate statement right felsen alright alright yeah thank you Phelps yeah unfortunately my brother Eli can't be here tonight because that's what I told the folks at the door but I'm sure if he'll I was here he would like to tell you all hey hey well I can give you a lot of hard time he's my brother and I'm not going to rip on any of you guys okay I mean these SP folks they want me to say all this stuff to mock athletes and coaches I said no absolutely not I'm not going to do it and here are a few of the jokes that I hated the most because I would never say these ever like this one last year's LA Rams are the subject of the critically-acclaimed docu-series all or nothing spoiler it's nothing come on Rams new coach Shawn McVeigh is here shot do you think they wanted me to say that in Los Angeles of all places I'm not doing that and then there's this one all right they love this one I got to tell you it's disgusting this year Aaron Rodgers delivered on his promise to the fans of Green Bay that the Packers would run the table also this year Terrell Owens delivered on his promise to his bosses at Golden Corral that he would mop the floor come on to you I wouldn't do that I wouldn't say that you're my god you're my friend Hall of Fame next year for sure I'm calling it let us do that oh yeah I forgot about these now these are all New York Knicks jokes and these SB folks they begged me to do these and I got to tell you they absolutely make me sick check this up kristaps porzingis couldn't believe how dysfunctional it is at Madison Square Garden and that dude grew up in Latvia what a terrible year for the Knicks they had to ask for a former legend out of the building for acting like a crazy person then there was that whole thing with Charles Oakley Village actions Knicks are the most embarrassing thing that happened in New York sports and that includes the time Mark Sanchez ran full steam of his teammates anus and fumbled a football Danika annually they wanted me to say anus on TV alright I'm not going there my kids are here I want to keep this thing classic anus eat listen I'm not just here as your host tonight I'm also here as a fan and I'm here to celebrate sports and it's been an amazing year full of stories that I love I love that the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series after 180 I love that Sydney Crosby led the Pittsburgh Penguins understand they caught for the second year in a row and I love it Serena Williams on the Australian Open while carrying a child I mean that's even more impressive than two years ago when the Denver Broncos defense won the Super Bowl while carrying me [Applause] I'm not an idiot I'm aware of these things okay fine Miller thanks again pal I owe you I love at the final five one the most Olympic medals of any US women's gymnastics team ever and our gymnastics team was so dominant that Kevin Durant told me he wants to play for them next year [Applause] and I gotta tell you I don't think you'd start for that team Kevin yeah Russell Russell what do you think and finally and finally because I'm being forced to say it I love the Tom Brady and Bill Belichick won their fifth Super Bowl enough of that crap enough of that alright enough of that but you know I really do feel for the Falcons because you know I've been there I know how tough it is to lose a Super Bowl but I'm telling you I believe in the Falcons I believe in Matt Ryan Dan Quinn and I know in my heart the Falcons will be back right the Falcons will be back and I want the Falcons to hear that for me now at the beginning of the show my mother stopped paying attention three quarters of the way in [Applause] just sound out what they seem to do Devonta Freeman don't leave yet stay with his a lot of shoulder all right I'm kidding I'm kidding all right relax listen I'm not in the NFL anymore I'm not rivals with the Patriots of the Falcons right now my only rivals are in the insurance game and I play 14 nationwide and I got to compete with Flo from progressive mister discount double check Aaron Rodgers and that damn Aflac duck [Applause] how did the dog get a better seat than DeAndre Jordan yes yeah I don't realize they were getting a real duck either that's Wow and listen I know people think I know people think that I do too many commercials okay but I just want to tell the haters out there you're not going to get to me all right and there's no chance you're going to make me sweat not with all the hydrating electrolytes that I get from Gatorade here's Gatorade fears it's the Papa John's and sports drinks and the other thing that people seem to say about me is that I can be a tad obsessive when it comes to preparation but not tonight because you know as I was watching Dennis Miller's 1994 monologue for the ninth time I realized Payton what are you doing you're retired you don't have to be any control every little thing anymore this shot looks a little tight rust can we pop out a bit okay better thanks listen I don't need me worried about all the details Bob likes going to read I'm not calling any place tonight back to blue I'm just here to have fun Jeff cut the pique Subban having fun Oh but not to the duck also yeah listen I come back to me look meticulous preparation is what helped me win a couple Super Bowls and a few MVP awards hold for applause hold for bigger applause bigger pause yep perfect but those skills aren't needed here this is a party star white and I am the host of this party you're starting star wife and it's going to be a great night I look forward to the ESPYs every year and being able to host this show I got to tell you it's a dream come true so let's all relax let's have a great time remember that tonight it doesn't matter who wins or loses just like the NBA regular season Fischer rim shot now this my might name a big finish here Hector cue the music that's what I'm talking about let's get this show started go pyrotechnics come on like it's the 25th anniversary of the ESPYs give us the real power

Channel: Leo Sadeh

Views: 9,598,382

Keywords: peyton manning, espys, kevin durant, russell westbrook, john cena, espn, sports recap, nba, durant, nfl, sports, Peytons got jokes at the ESPYS, wwe, mlb, 2017, edelman, warriors, golden states, nba champions, champs, denver bruncos

Id: Z8AXPGhfPt4

Length: 10min 2sec (602 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 12 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/chirsmitch]

Anus!

[u/Mariana_Carvalho]

Wow, Peyton is almost a natural at this kind of work. He's a funny guy.

[u/smawl]

Hahahahaha KD you fuckin snake

[u/TheFirebeard]

KD and John Cena did not like those jokes about them haha.

[u/Theycallmelizardboy]

Is it standard for every rich athlete in the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB to have a smoking hot girlfriend?

[u/GeronimoRay]

Norm MacDonald hosting the Espy's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYs8dDssp2Q

[u/PM_WHY_YOU_DOWNVOTED]

Oh goodie, a new episode of "Guess which athletes can't take a joke?"

[u/martinszeme]

As a Latvian two things:

1. Who is Peyton Manning?
2. That Porzingis joke was decent.

ps. Who gives their kid name - Peyton?

[u/jackofuselesstrade]

Gatorade Fierce it’s the Papa John’s of sports drinks. That didn’t age well!