percy jackson is literally the worst movie ive ever seen

hi real quick before we get into the video I wanted to let you know two things first of all Shameless selfpromo I am hosting a live screening of Catching Fire the most iconic Hunger Games movie of all time in Toronto this April if you want to come there are Shadow on games like Rocky Horror drinking games signature cocktail all that fun stuff all the information for that is in the description below also I have a podcast it's called girl history where we unpack different historical events this season is all about the Salem Witch Trials we just did an episode all about The Crucible the season before was all about the Titanic it's fun fun stuff all the information for that will be in the description below thank you so much for letting me shamelessly self-promo let's get into the [Music] [Applause] [Music] video hi hello how are you welcome back to my channel if you're new here my name is Carly and um I talk that's it that's the end of the story thank you so much for watching by a while ago I made a video about Divergent and I called it Divergent is literally the worst movie I've ever seen is it the worst movie I've actually ever seen no but I love clickbait and I love Hyperbole and I won't apologize for being the queen of hyperbole okay it is my Birthright but it got me thinking about all the other kind of teen dystopian movies that are bad and you know turfs aside a lot of teen kind of fantasy and dystopian movies are are quite good I think that they're really interesting and I think that like speculative fiction is a great way to like introduce the idea of critical thought to children no arguments there a hot take coming in at one minute into the video I know but okay there is one there is one movie that I remember being quite bad and has been in the Zeitgeist recently because it's been rebooted to a TV show and that is of course Percy Jackson I read the first and maybe the second Percy Jackson book when I was like 10 I liked them I wasn't a fan fan but I I did really enjoy them a lot and I remember watching the movie in theaters and being like this is bad so I rewatched it and I was like oh this is really bad like the Divergent movies barely make sense but there's a certain J sequa about them that makes them interesting you know Theo James is acting shayene Woodley is acting there's some there's something there that I can't explain but it they were interesting to watch Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief is to know a movie with no Stakes that's incredibly boring it's crazy how boring a movie that's basically about teenagers and Greek mythology can be because the actual like ideas behind this are fun when I was watching this movie I was like that's a fun idea why does it suck so I'm going to break down and recap the Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief movie a quick disclaimer well first of all I'm going to speak I feel like that's a blanket statement for every single one of my videos um I'm not a detail oriented person and I will misspeak and that's just part of it that's just kind of part of the fun quirky vibe that is this Channel and that's why you love it another thing is when you're thinking about movies crazy way to start that sentence a lot of people have to work on them and it's crazy like the budget is insane if there's like a flock of geese flying in a b-roll shot there's a guy who's the geese guy and his job is geese on the move movie and he's so stressed about the geese like every single person is working so hard on their specific thing so when I make fun of this movie I'm not making fun of them I think realistically when a movie like this gets bad it's because of execs that are adding too many cooks in the kitchen so to speak so the acting and you know the writing and all these different things all this is to say I'm not dunking on any specific person Logan lurman is like a good actor like he I I do get him confused with Dylan O'Brien I get Carrie Mulligan and Michelle Williams confused like truly gun to my head I could not tell you which one's which and I will I can't tell them apart and Dylan O'Brien and Logan lurman I also get confused also Dylan manette from 13 Reasons Why like they all kind of blur together for me but this is Logan lurman and in perks being Wallflower he's a fully good actress the girl who plays anab Beth um is in White Lotus and she's great in that the guy who plays Grover has like really funny line delivery in this movie like the acting is good I'm sure that everyone working on this movie was doing their best so that's just to say it's nobody's fault God this movie is boring hi I just wanted to take a quick break and thank scentbird for sponsoring this video you might not be able to tell because you can't smell me through YouTube yet scientists are working on it but I am genuinely obsessed with fragrances the compliment of being like you smell so good is my favorite compliment to receive which is why I am so excited to be working with scentbird scentbird is a 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the most expositional way physically imaginable this literally starts with Zeus being like Poseidon it's me Zeus I know you stole my lightning bolt and then Poseidon is like it's me brother Poseidon and you are Zeus I didn't steal your lightning bolt because it is forbidden for us to steal each other's Powers that's how you know how people speak that's just how people speak that's how dialogue sounds right so basically we're setting up the stakes for the entire move Zeus's lightning bolt is stolen he thinks that one of the gods or their sons has stolen it specifically he thinks Percy has stolen it who is the son of Poseidon and if he doesn't get his lightning bolt back before the summer Soul spring soles the soulstice there's going to be a war between the gods that will end the planet which is crazy to think about because the stakes in this movie have never been lower but in actuality if Percy doesn't get this lightning bolt to Zeus the world will end again hate to bring up Harry Potter right hate to give JK Rowling the satisfaction but when Voldemort talks you're like this is an evil guy and bad things are going to happen when the gods here talk you're just like it's seems like a community theater production of a Greek tragedy they're just like brother the world will end you ju I just don't care okay now we cut to Percy Percy is underwater holding his breath because he's the son of the pide because he's son of pide you know what I mean like he's just holding his breath because he's son of pide do you understand he loves water and he holds his breath for truly maybe 3 minutes in real time while they do the credits a crazy Choice it's not it's not interesting to watch someone hold their breath in a movie I'm sorry he jumps out of the water he's at school with his best friend Grover Grover is like Whoa man how do you do that how do you hold your breath for so long and he goes I love water it's the only place I can think which is not an answer to the question at all just not an answer he goes to school basically he goes to a special school um I believe it's for for students either troubled students or students with disability Grover uses crutches and he has dyslexia and ADHD okay that's going to come back later cuz it's going to relate heavily to Greek mythology so strap in for that he comes home and talks to his mom in their little apartment and his mom is like how was school and he's like I hate it there my dyslexia it's getting worse it's getting worse and she goes well how do you how do you know and he's he goes it's it's the ADHD of it all like he again we love Exposition obsessed with it then Percy's mother's boyfriend comes in and I want to say he's played by Harvey kitel should I look it up if he's played by Harvey kitel I think it is no okay so see I just saw a picture of Harvey kitel and that's truly not the actor I was thinking of who am I thinking of we may never know who is he played by okay Joe Pantano just a different just a full different actor okay not played by Harvey kitel sorry about that he's just kind of like a shitty boyfriend he comes in and Nuance has no place in this movie and he goes woman where's my beer she goes you can get it yourself and he's like I've had a hard day at work woman get me my beer she goes to get him his beer and he slaps her on the ass Percy's like hey man that's my mom have some respect he's like shut the up so he's just evil he sucks ass he's awful okay next day at special school for for kids they're at the Museum he has a um a teacher named Mr Mr Brunner who is a man in a wheelchair and there's also a substitute teacher who's just kind of like really staring Percy down in a weird way they're at the Museum and they're in the Greek mythology section and Percy knows a lot about Greek mythology he knows what a demigod is which is half mortal half God if you didn't know okay and also he was saying that one of the demigods is named pereus he can read ancient Greek the way that his brain with its dyslexia switches around the letters in English switches around the letters correctly in ancient Greek so he can read ancient Greek he's honestly slaying at the Museum and then the The Substitute Teacher like hey can we talk in this room that's sequestered from everybody else and perc's like okay which is how abuse happens kids that's how abuse happens if the substitute teacher that's been there for one day is like hey can we talk in this sequestered locked room no she then turns into a beast okay she turns into this like horrific flying bat thing there's a name for it it's a fury and and it's like she's going like where is the bolt give me the bolt and she grabs him truly flies him to the ceiling it's like a twostory room then Mr Brunner and Grover come in and they're like get out of here and they chase her away she drops Percy from truly a two-story fall it has to be at least 20 ft he falls he's fine and they realize now that the underground kind of Greek mythology world knows where Percy is and they've been trying to hide him so he's not safe here anymore and they need to to take him to Camp Half Blood they're freaking out Percy's like what's going on Grover's like we need to go but before he leaves the teacher is like wait take this it's a powerful weapon use it sparingly and it's a little pen that when you click the top it turns into a sword really cool for like a tween te children's book in reality if your te imagine your teacher gave you a sword your teacher's like here take this Glock just to be safe that's insane so they go home to tell Percy's mom he needs to pack and he needs to get his ass out of New York City the Big Apple the city is so nice they named it twice and Harvey kitel who's not Harvey kitel and his buds are playing poker and he goes Can't You See That She's serving us beers cuz bad men like beer okay good men are Greek mythology figures bad men love beer and they're going to leave and they're like no we need to get out of here stop being mean to my mom Harvey kitel who's not Harvey kitel hins Percy up against the wall and it's like shut [ __ ] up so he's a bad guy I mean you hate to be the character that threatens a child 30 minutes into the movie it's not ideal but alas that is the cards this character has been dealt Rover uses his crutches to absolutely destroy Harvey kitel who's not Harvey kitel just beats him up and is doing parkour beats up in front of his entire poker game they grab Percy's bag they run they're driving cuz they got to get to Camp Half Blood [ __ ] okay while they're driving to Camp Half Blood this is when Percy mother explains her relationship with Poseidon to Percy and why Percy's father is not in the picture it's a actually like an important scene I wish they focused way more on the impact on these child's lives that having absent parents has on them because I think that's actually very very interesting they've also aged the characters up in this movie If I recall I think there's supposed to be like 12 in the books and I think in the series and there's 16 in the movie so like to be a 16-year-old boy is to know rage you know what I mean to be a 16-year-old period is to understand unbridled rage in a way that nobody else ever will or has before it's focused on a little bit but I want more of it and this scene is genuinely like pretty good and she's basically saying that she and Poseidon fell in love he genuinely loved Percy but he's literally not allowed to be in Percy's life because he's a god seems like a convenient Theory but okay but when this scene is happening she's driving his mom um and she's looking at him to tell him the story because that's acting and eye contact and the camera being able to see your eyes is good and that's why the scene is good but she's also absolutely ripping it down the George Washington Bridge like she seems to be driving 90 km per hour if not more on the George Washington Bridge just not looking at the road and being like yeah so I'm with Poseidon and it's like like it seems like she's truly eyes off the road whipping it down a bridge which is amazing they're driving at night now I think Camp Half Blood is in Upstate New York it's that's the vibe I'm getting okay could be in New Jersey who's to say say as the French would say while they're driving a cow gets thrown onto the road and on and the car FL flips and flips and they're in a car accident because there's a menar a massive beast that's now going after Percy okay so they're in a massive car accident Grover then turns into a Sader which is half human half goat so he uses his goat legs to kick the car window out so they can escape and he chooses that moment to go is it just me or is it raining cows not now Grover we're being attacked by a beast we don't need a little quip they're running from this menar who's booking it after them and they get to Camp Half Blood but Percy's mom can't enter Camp Half Blood because she's not a half blood and she's not a God she's a mortal so then she disappeared years you think she's dead Okay so let's just assume for the sake of the story right now she's dead and Percy uses the menit's horn which got stuck in a tree to kill it and then faints okay he wakes up 3 Days Later he's been unconscious for 3 days so let's check him for a concussion please he's in like an old timey infirmary where people are drinking from just like clay pots get him to the ER he has a brain bleed and Grover introduces him to camp halfblood Camp Half Blood is a secret summer training camp thing sequestered in the woods where the children of gods stay to train and be safe Camp Half Blood is incredibly safe yes they have the children trained to be child soldiers and do war against each other but it's incredibly safe they walk around and basically it's like a mean girl's cafeteria scene being like those those are the daughters of Aphrodite those are the sons of of Aries what they should do is make it so that Percy doesn't really know a lot about Greek mythology so that when it's being explained to him you can explain it to the audience but really what it is is every single person seems to have a an encyclopedic knowledge of Greek mythology and they're telling the information to each other which they would already know like Percy would go to Grover and be like Oh Aphrodite the Goddess of love and sex and Grover's like yes Aphrodite the Goddess of love and sex like they all have the same amount of information but have to explain it to the audience so it's just people talking about things they already know to each other and everyone knows everything and they're just kind of speaking it out loud 10 out of 10 no notes well he's Camp Half Blood he discovers that his dyslexia is because his brain is hardwired to read ancient Greek and his ADHD is his innate battle senses now these are the parts that I was talking about before where you realize that this book is incredibly creative and like it's fun like that is a really good idea and there's other moments where when we get to Medusa's layer the imagination in this and the fun in this it's it's like actually kind of cool it's just so poorly executed in this movie writing a book for children presumably who have ADHD or dyslexia and reframing those things in a way that basically suggests that their demigods is sick that's awesome okay that's awesome he also runs into Mr Bruner his teacher who was in a wheelchair and he's a centaur he also while he's there looks and sees Annabeth Annabeth is the daughter of Athena goddess of war and strategy and she's absolutely slaying it with her sword doing a sword fight she has brown hair and blue eyes and oh boy if you were online when this movie came out the wreckage left in the wake of annab Beth not having gray eyes and blond curly hair unimaginable the book fans were mad that she had brown hair and I do understand in a sense that like just get her in a wig dye her hair it's not that hard but it was bad online you know what I mean like we were in the trenches as a society when it was revealed that annab Beth was going to have brown hair in the Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief movie okay also at Camp halfblood it's just kind of revealed that another facet of Grover's character besides the fact that he's a loyal friend and the protector of Percy his whole job is to be Percy's protector so not only is your mom presumably dead and you find out that you're a demigod and your absent father is Poseidon you also find out that your best friend is basically paid to be your best friend so there's a lot going on in Percy's mind right now and I wish we explained it in any way all we really get is at one point Percy looks out onto the water looking kind of sad and that's the extent of the processing of this trauma and change but besides being his protector Grover has little quips he's a funny guy and he's horny the daughters of Aphrodite are like hey Grover and he's like hey baby and that's his whole thing that's it that's all now it's time for a game of Capture the Flag we meet Luke who is the son of Hermes who is Hermes Hermes we'll go with Hermes he's the messenger of the Gods and there's basically the blue team and the red team and it's capture the flag with swords and you get to cut each other up with your swords and it seems incredibly dangerous all you need to know about Luke is Luke is you know if you you know when you say you want Austin Butler and your mom says we have Austin Butler at home is wish.com Austin Butler and his character is incredibly inconsistent in this scene he's kind of like a hmbo golden retriever nice guy who wants to protect Percy and in a later scene he's just a completely different character and it's not like he's lying it's like he is a completely different character so they're playing caps with the flag and Luke is like you know what we'll take Percy on our team let's get him a helmet let's go and they're running they're doing sword fighting Percy is immediately amazing at sword fighting so those Stakes are removed he's been at C Camp Half Blood for four days three of which he was unconscious cuz his brain was bleeding and now he's just amazing at sword fighting great he runs away from this fight Luke is sword fighting whatever blah blah blah who cares who cares boring and he finds the other team's flag when he goes to get it Annabeth is there and she's like I'm not going to let you take this also our parents are enemies did you know that they don't get along she sword fights him another notable thing is that the armor for the boys is regular armor and the armor for the girls is a little tank top with boobies free me from this pain so she cuts him up a bunch lightly kind of paper cuts him with the tip of her blade he lies down on the ground and the other teams are surrounding just watching this sword fight and I get that the sword fight is interesting but again it's captur the flag while the other team is distracted by Annabeth lightly cutting Percy with a blade run and get the flag like it's like they wanted to play like a war game but they made it Capture the Flag somebody just go get theing flag run and get the flag while Percy's on the ground he hears his father's voice in his head go go to the water Percy it will give you power and he puts his hand in the water and it runs up and it heals him instantaneously and then he beats Annabeth in a fight and this is what I mean by the stakes have never been lower this is Percy's Second Time sword fighting and he's amazing at it he dethrones annab Beth who is the daughter of the goddess of war what afterwards they have a celebratory kind of bonfire where they roast a pig on a on a a stick a spit every single character besides the main characters their only identifying quality as who their parents are like they don't talk about their Hobbies or anything they're just like I'm a son of Aries it's like do you knit when's your when's your birthday what's your favorite color it's like I'm just like I'm daughter of James and that's all you need to know that's all they talk about at the bonfire fire Annabeth and Percy kind of start to bond it's worth noting they I think they CGI Annabeth's eyes or they give her crazy contacts because she her eyes are like this and they're too blue like it's crazy how blue it's like it's it's wild it's nobody's eyes have been wider during the bonfire the actual bonfire turns into Hades don't you hate when that happens FML awkward and Hades is like Percy Jackson Show Yourself Fireball everywhere give me the lightning bolts and I'll give back your mother the minitar actually kidnapped your mom she's not dead so that dramatic tension immediately removed from the storyline you can come and get your mother if you bring me the lightning bolt and Percy's like well I don't have the lightning bolt but why don't I just go and show him I don't have the lightning bolt and then he'll free my mom so that's his phenomenal amazing plan so Percy packs up that night and leaves in the in the dark of night Grover follows him and is like well I'm going to come with you I'm your protector obviously and Beth is also there and for some reason despite talking to Percy twice the first time she lightly cut him with the dagger and the second time she just stared at him with The Bluest Eyes known to man she's packed her back and she's like I know you're leaving I'm going to leave too you need my battle expertise I never knew my mom Athena and I've never left the camp I've been raised here my whole life we never explore that she's been her whole life and she's ready for an adventure so that's kind of her Arc so they go to Luke because they're like Luke will know how to get to the underworld because his dad is Hermes messenger of the Gods and would go to the underworld to get messages so we'll talk to him they go to Luke's cabin where he's playing C in a gamer chair with approximately three different screens of of of the video game and he's a different character now where before he's like all right Percy let's play I got you man I'm just kidding now he's like what's up [ __ ] come to Old Luke's place to get some modern technology I see cuz he's like a modern tech dealer also sure they tell him what he's doing and he says that panie has visitors and that's the easiest way to get out of the underworld cuz getting into the underworld is easy but getting out of it the problem so you have to get Pan's pearls and they're hidden all across America and if you stomp on the Pearl and crush it and think about where you want to go it'll bring you back so that's what they need to do they need to go on this quest to get all these different pearls he also gives Percy his dad's flying shoes just to help him out cuz his dad has flying shoes but they're converse with wings quirky who says I can't wear my converse with my dress now baby he's so rock he's just he's just quirky he a quirky not like other girls and he also gives them his shield to help them protect and fight off the beasts presumably that are guarding these pearls also if you recall the reason Percy's literally at Camp Half Blood is because it's the only safe place for him right now cuz everyone wants to murder him so they leave and they have this Marauders map that Luke's given them that shows them the location of the different pearls and the first one is in New Jersey and it's at a garden center amazing it's worth noting Again Luke talks about how he's never met his dad and the reason he's helping them is because he wants him to kick his dad's ass he hates his dad and I'm like let's explore this trauma none of you have met at least one of your parents that's insane like let's explore that Annabeth was raised here no we don't have time we have to go to the Garden Center which is owned by Medusa which is um Thurman having the time of her life wearing big sunglasses being like I've been waiting for you this is again one of the things I say like this is awesome I wish it was done better but this idea is so sick where basically it's a garden center and they're looking for wherever the the Pearl is in this Garden Center they split up and there's all of these different statues that look like garden statues but they're people that Medusa has turned to stone it's awesome Medusa corners and Annabeth and they have to she has to close her eyes cuz if you look at Medusa in her in your her eyes you turn to Stone spoiler alert for myth ology and Medusa really hates annab Beth because annab Beth's mom is the one that cursed her to be Medusa Fair Grover figures out that Medusa owns this Garden Center because he finds a statue of his dead uncle and again we never explore it he's like oh looks like my uncle who was killed by Medusa that's I'm no word of a lie that's how that Scene goes and we don't explore that at all they run they find anabeth who's closing her eyes as to not look at Medusa in the eye and Percy realizes that if he looks through the reflection of the back of his iPod Touch he can battle Medusa so that's what they're doing they're battling Medusa and eventually they kill her because Annabeth drives with her eyes closed through the side of the garden center and decapitates Medusa so for the rest of the movie they're carrying around um Thurman's decapitated Medusa head to use at any moment if they need to stun something and turn it to Stone there is something interesting to be said about like just the normalization of violence on women 's bodies like it's like funny that they're carrying around a head of a woman who is cursed but whatever nevertheless I digress they get the Pearl next they need to go to mothering Nashville baby and in Nashville there's a replica of the pantheon and in the pantheon at the top there's another Pearl so they stay till the place closes in the washroom and then leave are like we're going to go get the Pearl talking at full volume voices and they see all these janitors and they're like oh how are we going to get these janitors gone Annabeth brings out hering bow and arrow with poison darts that stun the janitors they think that she's going to kill them and there is a funny a genuinely a funny joke that did really make me laugh where Grover goes you're going to kill them those are workingclass Americans funny that's a funny joke she stuns them all Percy puts on hermes's flying Converse yeah hot punk [ __ ] call All Time Low Percy's got his flying Converse on and he flies to the top grabs the Pearl and then the janitors are not stunned anymore and turn into a Hydra a fivehead headed dragon they are like we've been waiting for you Percy but there's five janitors give us the bolt Percy and then they turn into a dragon Percy Cuts their head off but then if you cut one of their heads off two regrow so my question here is he cuts one of the Dragons heads off so now instead of five janitors is there just a new sixth janitor is my question let me know what you think in the comments below Grover then uses the Medusa head to stun the dragon so now there's just a massive statue of a Hydra in the middle of this tourist trap but they get the second Pearl and they beat it it's also worth noting at this point that Harvey kitel who isn't Harvey kitel Percy's stepdad is now talking to the news and being like Percy and his mom are missing and Percy's really into drugs so he kidnapped his mom so Percy's also a fugitive just to heighten the stakes that are non existent it still doesn't really feel like there's any stakes and there's unexplained weather patterns all across the world because the gods are angry and they're going to start a war now they go to Las Vegas Nevada baby to get the third Pearl and they have to go to the Lotus casino and in the Lotus Casino it's basically this like fun land with like music and and dancing and arcade games and gambling and all these fun things and they go there and they eat a Lotus Flower and the lotus flower basically makes you high and you lose your concept of time which is SOI and they stay there for a ton of time and while this whole like montage is happen happening in the Lotus Casino where they're like dancing and Grover's talking to women cuz he's horny that's kind of his whole thing and they're gambling and all this stuff Poker Face by Lady Gaga is playing and it's awesome this is my favorite part of the whole movie it's just they eat this little like Lotus cookie and they're like M and then you just hear like M it's just the beginning of Poker Face no notes perfect scene and again this is like a genuinely creative and cool thing that Rick rorian has written where Percy realizes that the concept of time is Twisted in the Lotus Casino when he's talking to a guy and he's like oh do you like this movie I'm from the 70s by the way like he's basically saying like this is the best movie of the year and Percy's like but this movie came out in the 70s and he's like yeah it's 1971 baby and everyone in the casino has been there since like different times like there's people in the casino since the 70s like they don't know that the time has pass cuz they've been there the whole time it's so cool so Percy realizes this gets them to stop eating the lotus flowers and on one of the gambling games I don't really know what it is it's the ball that goes into the holes Black Jack maybe that's the Pearl they get the Pearl they leave and they're like wow that's crazy and then they look at a calendar and they realize they've been in there for 4 days so if you're keeping track one more day then Percy was out cold with a coma in an ancient Greek infirmary so they realized that they need to get the lightning bolt to Zeus or tell them that Percy didn't steal a lightning bolt their deadline is tomorrow tomorrow at midnight because they wasted 3 days in a casino so that's actually really good heightening of stakes obsessed with it they go to the underworld they meet pranie there's this whole thing where they have to like give money to this Fairy like not like a fairy like with wings like a fairy driver like he drives a little boat he's like a creepy old man with a hood and he drives them through the underworld it's who cares I there's this this movie's pacing is rancid it's awful there's parts of this movie that I was like I've never been more bored in my life and then fun parts and it's I just feel like this movie could have been a lot better I digress they get to the underworld and they meet panie and she's like oh I got visitors okay she's not like that but it would be fun if that was the choice that Rosario Dawson who's playing panie made now I know Rosario Dawson almost exclusively from the rent movie so whenever she's like I'm pranie I just see her being like will you light my candle a break that's what I see from her that's I look at her I'm like that's Mimi Marquez she's 19 that's Mimi Marquez but it's ephanie and she calls off her hell hounds that try to attack them she's like come on in guys and she brings them in and they meet Hades now Hades if you recall before we met him as a giant fiery scary monster but his human form is kind of a matty Healey Mick Jagger Russell Brand sorry I like a burp forced its way out of my mouth at the at the the sentence Russell Brand a terrifying combination of like a British greasy rock guy and he's like hello well he's like he's sounds less insane than that but they basically say to him hey we didn't steal the lightning bolt I just wanted to show you that I didn't so you can free my mom and he's like I don't want to free your mom bye boring uh hate it and then when Percy runs towards the fire where his mom is kind of like kept captive or she's like in this it's not fire but it's like a spirit it's an Amorphis kind of gas whatever he drops Luke's shield and it breaks and inside is the lightning bolt okay so the then Hades is like liar you had the lightning bolt the whole time I think I'm going to kill you all and also kill your mom cuz you're a liar and also I wanted the lightning bolt because I was exiled to the underworld because I fought with my brothers and I actually want a war of the Gods really bad I'm bored anab Beth is like oh my God Luke set us up it's been Luke the whole time no reveal there no dramatic tension the least shaking re reveal of all time like nothing has been less Earth shattering than that reveal I think that this could be an actually really cool reveal it's just that they don't Pace it correctly so you're like oh my God the lightning bolts there and then anat's like it's Luke he set us up and you're like I guess that answerers every question I have thank you however at the last moment pranie goes up to Hades and is like give me the lightning bolt bad big bad big bad horny big bad boy takes it shoots him and she's like I'm a prisoner here I hate my life the only thing I look forward to is when I get to leave here and if there's a war of the Gods I don't get to leave so get the out of here okay so they're like great we've got three pearls to leave one for Grover one for Annabeth one for Percy's mom and one for Percy oh so they didn't get enough pearls because they didn't do math correctly and that's the most ADHD thing Percy's ever done and I respect him for it because this would be [ __ ] me I'd be like F I didn't count myself so Grover stays because he's Percy's protector he's a loyal friend and this is the end of his Arc we get him back he doesn't die in the Underworld don't worry so they leave him with pranie and she's like we'll have fun and you're like are you going to assault him they leave and they think that you have to crush the Pearl right and be like and then I got to imagine where I'm going next and they imagine going to the gates of Olympus Now where's the gates of Olympus you guess did you guess it was at the top of the Empire State Building this is a really cool like I don't know it's cool imagery I like it but in actuality what a horrible idea it would be to have the gates of Olympus be at the top of the Empire State Building because how many times are confused tourists wandering into Olympus and they're like cats merch they're big bag from the &m store so they go there and Luke's there and he's like I'm Evil by the way remember that reveal that had absolutely no impact but actually could have impact if it was done correctly uh I'm evil so they have this whole thing where they're like Luke why' you do it and his whole villain Bond villain speech by the way every single villain in this entire movie gives truly a two-minute monologue about why they're doing their exact thing and in the time it takes them to do that entire monologue about why they're evil the heroes defeat them so just a blanket kind of suggestion to any villain in this universe don't waste time talking about your entire life's fing story and your your motivation behind being evil and you could win Medusa literally gives like a crazy two-minute long speech being like I bet you're wondering why I'm evil so Luke is like I think that our parents have been too bad of gods and they've been gods for too long and our generation needs to take over he makes good points I think it would have been really interesting I don't know if this is what it's like in the book cuz again read the book over a decade ago but all of these children are like surely traumatized by being abandoned by their parents so if he was like I did it for attention from my dad full stop wanted attention from my dad who doesn't give a [ __ ] about me that's a very believable motivation to me anyways doesn't matter because Percy is jacked out on Powers he is by far the most powerful ya hero he can make hurricanes and so he destroys Luke immediately and they go into Olympus all the gods are there m massive by the way they're like 50t tall and Percy and annab Beth are like wait wait the clock strikes midnight Percy ADHD King as always running 5 minutes behind he's a man after my own heart that would be me I'd be like sorry I'm like trying to return the lightning bolt and I'm late but I also have like a cup of coffee that I got on my on the way in my hand I was like I knew I was going to be late already so it's like and he's like wait wait wait he gives Zeus the lightning bolt he's like I didn't steal it Luke stole it you guys abandoned all of us by the way so that's why we're alling pissed they're like great no War Athena who abandoned her daughter at as a baby and left her to be raised in a summer camp it's like oh it's my daughter and it's like girl jail anyways there's no war of the gods that problem is fixed and then Poseidon's like wait can I talk to my son for one second Zeus please and then and then I'll leave we'll wrap this all up but let me talk to my son for one second so he goes and talks to Percy but Percy is like this big compared to him like if I'm besided this is how big Percy is he becomes little and he's talking to Percy and he's like hey thanks for doing that he's like I didn't do it for you Dad you abandon me and they have this conversation where Poseidon is basically like no what you don't understand is that actually I was too good of a dad to you so Zeus got jealous that I was spending all my time with you because I was too good of a dad so he made a law in the God's world that we can't see our kids anymore which is insane and if my god dad said that to me I'd be like that seems like a convenient theory that you've created but okay they reconcile a little bit this is the end and then basically the movie ends with Percy annab Beth and Grover who they get back oh they get Grover back from Hades because Percy's like I returned the lightning bolt can you get Grover back from the underworld and they're like sure thing besie don't worry about it so that's wrapped up off screen and the besties are all at camp halfblood training that's how the movie ends here's the thing there were parts of this movie that I genuinely enjoyed I think like the actual conventions that were written in the books were fun like the Lotus Casino was fun Medusa's layer is fun a lot of the like Greek mythology things that we've made Modern are fun like having Percy be dyslexia be be dyslexia oh my God having Percy be dyslexic so he can read ancient Greece things like that ancient Greek I'm having a stroke so he can read ancient Greek is cool I enjoyed all those things I loved the Lotus Casino scene any excuse to listen to Poker Face by Lady Gaga I'll take so I liked all those things I liked when they were at Medusa's lir I thought that was really cool I liked that everyone was a little statue I just it was paced horribly and there was no tension whatsoever like again JK Rowling turf I'll say it again every time I do somebody's like she's actually not a Turf she's actually protecting women and F off respectfully off who cares but in a lot of those even the Harry Potter movies like there's tension when they're like who is Sirius Black and why is he in the castle in the prisoner of aaban you want to solve the mystery there's no mystery in this it's just things happen and then a character explains what's happened and I want more mystery the pacing insane but watch the movie if you want I don't know other than that thank you so much for watching the link to my podcast my Instagram all that stuff is in the description below and I'll talk to you later bye

Channel: uncarley

Views: 131,101

Keywords: percy jackson, percy jackson and the lightning thief, percy jackson movie, percy jackson show, percy jackson the the olympians, percy jackson recap, unhinged recap, divergent, hunger games, twilight, commentary, percy jackson bad, movie review, alex meyers, mikes mic, jenny nicolson, ya teen dystopian, the percy jackson movie is bad, carley thorne, comedy, tv review, hunger games recap, twilight recap, 2010 movies, ya dystopian movies, disney plus

Id: 701aNNJFTXI

Length: 40min 4sec (2404 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 29 2024