Paul Zerdin - No Strings Live (Full Show)

[Music] [Music] hey [Music] since the dawn of time man has sought to gain control over his fellow man through use of magic mysticism and perhaps most bizarrely ventriloquist ancient druids priests and prophets used their powers of ventriloquist and trilogism to convince their followers that not only were they the chosen ones able to talk to the gods but that through them the gods could answer back ventral event the word itself is derived from the latin vent meaning to throw trillo meaning voice and quism meaning obviously throwboy sequist wasn't a popular name for a variety act so ventriloquism was oh god i can't believe i'm doing this i'm i'm nigel hayes for god's sake what am i working a fringe show where's my self-respect where's my dignity get on with it you won't get paid what oh right sorry then transventriloquist ancient art of divine deception or futuristic weapon of global hilarity you can't be serious i mean who wrote this bollocks did i mention i was nigel hayden get on with it i'm sorry sorry paul i'm just having difficulty with the script i mean futuristic weapon of global hilarity come on you you're a vent act not a pandemic just introduce me right all right now what do you want me to say i don't care just do it now ladies and gentlemen the young man you're about to meet is in my opinion without doubt quite simply the best ventriloquist in the world today please welcome paul zurden thank you very much shane hello good evening southampton it's fantastic to be here this evening how many of you here tonight are ready to enter the land of make-believe how many of you already in the land of make-believe all right well i've just got to just just point out one thing i have finally finally finally managed to get him off to sleep so if we could keep the noise down for the next few minutes that would be much appreciated uh another thing can i just see how much of a good mood everyone's in tonight can we have a practice round of applause cheering cheering and applause let me just hear this side clapping and cheering go for it just upstairs downstairs i've got one of those upstairs it's absolutely terrific there is definitely something not quite right with downstairs again let me just hear this side clapping and cheering downstairs now that bit there was fine over there before the back is fine can i just hear this section just here please clapping along with the cheering if you wouldn't mind sorry can i just hear these two rows in this section here clapping and cheering off you go yeah sorry just these four people clapping and cheering now [Applause] just these two people right here if you wouldn't mind issue mate what's your name sir any idea is it gordon gordon you sit back relax and enjoy this evening's performance because you gordon you're going to be heavily part of the show now if we could just try and keep the uh the applause and the and the laughter and the and the noise generally just to a minimum for the moment that would be great because it was getting a bit raucous then and um you know it's it's all fine here so if we could um so what um i'd like to explain first of all this evening is going to happen so i'll be right with you [Music] [Music] [Music] oh [Applause] it's okay it's not okay i know what to do we'll just get him out he can have a look at his surroundings and then i'm sure everything will be fine he'll be relaxed and he'll go back to sleep so bear with me for two two seconds we have begun ventricular shows so you must be a good boy and you have to go to sleep now where'd y'all come from where did that come from um that's interesting and um we'll talk about it later talk about it now we can't talk about it now because we've started the show yeah yeah yeah yeah so you be a good boy sorry um you'd be good we'll go to sleep now yeah yeah the thing is right we haven't got time now okay because we've got to move on hang on hang on um okay um some sometimes sometimes sometimes um [Music] when a man and woman meet yeah yeah they fall in love what's love um oh blimey yeah good question um well it's when your heart beats really fast and you feel light-headed no when you've had five points of stella no no listen right and eventually maybe further down the line the man and woman when they fall in love they might get married when they get married they do grown-up things like father kings no no no like making love making love yeah yeah when they make love inside the ladies tummy there's a little egg yeah and the egg travels all the way along the fallopian tube is that on the underground oh listen right and then the egg eventually attaches itself to the womb oh yes and then the man fertilized the egg whilst making love hey caleb yes and then inside the lady's tummy a little baby grows there for nine months nine months yeah nine months and then eventually when the lady's ready right and the baby's ready she pushes the baby all the way down the birth canal and out into the world and that's where you come from why do you ask the little boy next door yeah he comes from birmingham [Applause] [Music] okay so look you have to go to see now no no we haven't got time for the story i just don't know seriously we don't have time for the story because we started the show and i'm going to introduce some friends in a minute no seriously you had your story it's not my fault you woke up i just don't oh okay okay all right all right so um okay right all right if i read you a little quick story yeah okay this time you have to promise me you're not going to butt in and change things yeah okay you must just listen quietly quietly okay and you must let me tell the story properly no messing around just let me tell the story the way it's supposed to be told [Music] this is the story of little red riding hood yes now she she was a little girl it's a girl yes and she went to see her granny yes who lived in the woods now she was walking through the woods on the way to a granny's house when all of a sudden out jumped a big bad wolf ruff yes a nursery one with a big horrible teeth no i don't like it nobody's part of the stroke don't like it no but it's part of the stretch i might dig that up but it has to be there don't like it all right okay change it okay okay okay i'll change it don't like it no no fine what what i'm going to change it to duck yes yes that's lovely but the thing is right it won't work as a story if it's a duck duck okay okay it wasn't wasn't a big bad wolf no don't like it no it was a big bad um duck deep that dog yeah no fluffy yellow dog the big snow the small fluffy yellow duck jumped out and growled snarled crack quacked a little red riding hood crack little red riding hood was really frightened why well because um she um because because she wouldn't be frightened of a fluffy yellow duck would she no hence you've done it again and the story doesn't work you keep doing this to my story you keep making me put ducks in them duck they don't work as stories when they're a ducks and duck what about yesterday's goldilocks and the three ducks the day before that beauty in the duck duck and before that snow white and the seven ducks duck you make me change every character what about all the tv characters thomas the duck engine yup angelina duckarino duck bob the ducker duck you know i used to be fantastic at telling stories kids used to come from miles around to hear me in my stories now they're just thinking i'm the strange bloke with a duck fixation duck why do you keep saying duck [Applause] never mind i could do two food no no no poo-poo [Applause] yes i'm afraid mr zord is not quite ready yet so i thought i'd come out and have a little look at you yes i've seen enough good evening portsmouth oh [ __ ] that was the wrong thing to say where is it oh southampton yes good evening southampton yes well my name is albert and i uh i've come out to entertain you for a moment or two in fact i've got a bit of a song would you like to hear it and the rest of you would you like to hear my song it's a cross between country and rap it's called crap [Music] i met miss daisy at a party gave my card to daisy chaperone wrote a scented letter as i'd like to know her better my heart is hers alone took her to the theater and the ballet had to have a home bite and a club dancing through the band i took miss daisy's little hand and [Music] hmm [Music] be good got a beautiful allotment in my neighborhood lettuces cabbages all line up in rows thursday afternoon i'm going out with my hoes gonna dig it we're gonna dig it well my name is albert what's my name i can't hear you mo food well my millionaires albert what's my name that's it i don't need no gangster homie smoking crack taking ease cause i got myself a husky and a cute knees when people see me with my puppies they don't know which one which is so i make them learn the difference share respect to my [ __ ] well my name is albert what's my where am name oh god i'm absolutely bollocks what where am i what are you doing in my living room well my name is what's my name yes you better believe it sometimes i forget it you know this is what happens with old age yes yes of course you know i was named after prince albert you youngsters do know who he is you just think prince albert means taking a big piece of metal and shoving it right through your [Music] [Applause] ladies and gentlemen please welcome mr zerdin everyone okay okay well i've got a little friend of mine his name is sam the puppet would you like to meet him are you sure well he's in this beautiful piece of luggage here to my left and he is fast asleep so you're going to have to wake him up for me boys and girls ladies and gentlemen so when i count to three i want to hear you all shout wake up sam one two three can't believe you actually did that it's not bloody pantomime now well while you're in the mood go well go crazy and welcome to the stage my friend sam just one little note about that applause if you could stretch it to that much longer that would really help things because i have to bend down fist little bastard and then bring him back out and that didn't quite cover it and now it's a bit awkward isn't it gordon ladies and gentlemen please welcome back sam that was absolutely perfect thanks sam here we're here yeah hello yeah whoo yeah [Music] yes we are here here we are yeah yeah here we are [Music] southampton yes hampshire yes jogging no problem look this is a proper theater with respectable people respectable bloody old look at the state of this lot look at this guy over there what looks like he should be on the jeremy coyle show have you taken the lie detector test gordon come on this is all very well now but what would you say if you saw it on the street tomorrow i'd say no thanks we don't want the big issue [Music] we'll go early we'll get good seats now start staring gordon do you want to stare at match i think i win it's a joke i can't blink gordon [Applause] now just just leave them alone now oh look muffet [Music] what you like don't you want to hug her no i'm just admitting she's attracted no nate fancy's you oi let me explain like if he was online he'd google you if you're on youtube he'd watch you and if you're on twitter i'll send you a cheeky little tweet i think she's got the message and if he was on facebook you give you a right good poking just got into you tonight your hand sorry about that i'm really sorry you could get help you know well you could get help you could go on the journey kyle show with gordon yeah another jerry stinger jerry springer yeah jerry jerry jerry and remember take care of yourselves and each what the other hell was that jerry's didn't you don't up he said nothing like him what are you talking about it's one of my best impressions really what else to do [Applause] the markets it's time to play the music and saunter lord the lords hello everyone trinity stark here welcome to the another show yay [Applause] [Music] jedi marston it's yoda okay what are you doing you know you'd like it no i wouldn't no i wouldn't what was that what was that are you trying to do me are you trying to do me that sounds nothing like me that sounds nothing like me okay okay all right all right do you can play that game to complain what's he gonna do what's he gonna do god i hate you god i hate you you're an idiot you're an idiot this could carry on for ages this could carry on for ages he's going to repeat everything i say he's going to repeat everything i say i like men i like i don't want to play this anymore wait wait what's this nothing good get off get out of what sis get out sam you're a kid you're not supposed to be playing with matches he's doing much isn't it just a spider he spied it yes it's bad i've called him spidey spidey why is that is it just me what the [ __ ] yes a bloody started in the box hello spidey are you in there spidey hello spidey spidey i'm gonna [ __ ] kill you when i get out of there oh you're testing off now spiders at you have you any idea what that does to my head i'm sorry are you with the nothing in the what an [ __ ] he is yeah rattling again no sam that's not fair the numpty's right nothing oi i'm not a numpty if i don't know not done you know that i got friends on the outside oh yeah yeah do you like wasps wasps you don't scare us he does i don't like wasps and these bees do your worst will you shut up are you telling me to shut up then i was talking to the muppet look no one's a number two is that you me no you it's got to stop all right why i can't keep this going for much longer there's three voices going on at the same time [Music] hello hello hello hello are you in there help me he's going to eat me who are you hello beautiful [Music] [Music] she's my hostage let me out on an aussie gets it you can't let him do that he's your spider help me help me help me uh oh no it's okay i ate him well listen be free little mosquito make sure we get to get away go be free do you need a longer run-up you need to clear your throat i don't think they noticed take two [Music] well i do like a happy ending you [ __ ] you missed me you lumpy that's enough wait you think you're so clever but i'm cleverer than you there didn't and i know it look the whole relationship this is the way that the whole this relationship works right is you cannot be clever with me oh i can be pleasanter than you what are through it you're going to prove that you'll never be oh yes oh yes it's quite simple really oh yes that's third game a game yeah what sort of game let's play the yes no game the yes no game you're the first person to say yes or no loses the game the first person to say yes on a loser that's right well that's easy so you're on a clown yes i win that's not fair isn't it no iron stop it do you want to start again yes i win again this is not fair you're going too fast all right let's say this the first person say yes or no 20 times is the loser 20 times 20 times all right so i'm three up no four we'll start from now now yes five look i didn't know we started i win how oh you said i didn't know ah well that's why you're not as clever as me because it's a different kind of no arrogant no iron i didn't know iron isn't spelled and no iron there no iron i didn't know iron is spelled k no w iron and not n o iron no iron so you cannot have no iron k n o w iron as no r n over that was only 19 times what's up yes i win [Applause] [Music] oh look are you okay out there jump just get in there it's time i think there's a difference in the opinion [Music] oh [ __ ] now please come on no i'm sorry that's not [Music] um i'd like to introduce you um perfect albert um sorry he's meant to end up here one second albert what happened my foot got stuck on that [ __ ] pedal sorry about that [Applause] all right all right i thought you sorted it out i thought you'd sorted it out why'd you say the thing twice but because you can't hear me because you can't hear me you are doing it again can you hear me yes you can what this is pointless this is pointless i heard you the first time so you did hear me so you did hear me there's no need to shout i'm not deaf good i heard that listen i thought you'd sort it out yes i sorted it all out i've got a new one a new hearing aid yes it's unlosable an unlosable hearing aid god yes and loser though works on the same systems as key rings do you know when you get your keys and you lose them you whistle and they bleep same thing you whistle it bleeps i lose it all that's fantastic what if you are going for a walk in the garden though you accidentally dropped your hearing aid in the flower bed simple the little computer inside the hearing aid recognizes in the throat you whistle it leads and a little flag comes out the top lets you know where it is you see it's unusable that's fantastic what if it happened at night simple the little computer inside the hearing aid recognizes dark you whistle it leads little flag comes out the top and lights out like at the leisure deacon you see unlosable that's fantastic let's hope you don't drop it in a river funny you should mention that what happens in his little computer inside the hearing aid recognizes it's sinking these are the life lasts loaded to the surface you whistle it leads you notice the flag of the flashing light in the fall you know it is stuck in your ear that's amazing where did you get it i found it [Applause] yes have a look what have a look what have a look let's see i have a look oh but it's not your hearing aid is not in it oh bugger i've lost it sure i was taking a stroll out here last night were you in southampton yes i thought i'd come down early had a little wander all down to the docks yeah met this lady really yeah you started chatting one thing led to another how did you go back to the trunk yeah god she had everything each other i think i got it now susie she's doing she's staying [Music] hey albert albert oh god she kept a pet monkey on her shoulder all right yeah are you all right i'm fine i just want you tired yes i'm tired here sorry albert albert oh god we didn't know if the snow has held the earth on the monkey's ass everything all right yes i'm fine you're right yeah you're tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired yes when you get old you you get tired i sleep a lot do you yes yeah i sleep a lot i can dream though oh well i can dream really yeah do you dream yeah i do i do dream occasionally um i think we all dream actually i think it's just that not everyone remembers their dreams yeah yeah yeah yeah what are you dreaming about well funnily enough about two nights ago um i had a dream really i dreamt that i was a little boy i was living at home with mum and dad and um it was lovely dad took me to the zoo the zoo i love the zoo yes took me to the zoo and we saw the lions the tigers and uh do you want to see one of those big fat hairy things gorilla yes a gorilla another big fat hairy gritter there was there was a big fat hairy gorilla and now it was lovely it was just you know innocent times yes yeah my dreams aren't quite so innocent no no well what did you what would you last dream about well i dread couple of nights ago i had a dream i dreamt that cheryl cole broke into my bedroom and she said she was going to rip my clothes off and cuddle me in baby oil what did you say get a grip then the rest of that girl's allowed that naughty lot they came in there they were all wearing nothing there they were five millimeter young women within women thrashing around in the throes of the ecstasy oh i couldn't cope i didn't know what to do well you should have come and got me when i tried i popped over your place don't your lung answered the door and said you'd gone to the zoo yay i'm controlling right him yeah oh albert before we go oh and before you go right look i mean there is something in your ear but it's not a hearing aid all right what is this what what is this what are you doing damage what what's what's that what is it what is it no what is it what is it what is it no look i was asking you what it was but it was i don't even know what it is now that that was in your ear good god you know that looks remarkably like a suppository a suppository oh christ he's not when i hear engage god too do you know i wondered about my ass was whistling earlier what are you doing just turning it down [Applause] sorry about all that josephine before i'm sorry it was it wasn't me you were talking to a piece of sponge um it's now time for a bit of what we call audience patreon participation i need um i need someone to help me i'm gonna have a little look down here now this is interesting actually because i've just recently found out that i've got a bit of a talent right and um i'll tell you what it is right so the thing is right i can hear people's thoughts honestly i can hear what people are thinking [ __ ] off god he's gorgeous i like dressing up in ladies clothing the heels are mine i've got drugs on me that easement god he's so sexy i wish i was single she's with someone i've got a feeling she might be with him yes he's cracking dead i'd rather be with you really so at all um now i am i am looking for someone to join me up here on stage in fact i'm looking for a couple i'm looking for a couple i used to do a thing when i got someone at the audience and made them into a dummy well i thought it'd be nice to get a couple of dummies out this evening and um there's no shortage of them but i'm going to have a look for the right looking couple okay and then we could um i mean gordon you've been a big part of this evening and uh who are you who are you here with tonight gordon is this is this the missus yeah lucy is it lucy lucy and gordon come on why not should we have lucy and gordon what do you think yeah come on come on let's have a big hand for lucy and gordon everyone and the applause will continue until you get to the middle of the stage so showing the applause for lucy and gordon gordon thank you so much for volunteering gordon all right so have a look at the audience okay and audience have a look at lucy and gordon all right because what's gonna happen now is you're gonna go this way follow me okay you see that bloke there wearing the dress all right he's gonna get you kitted out for the next bit so let's give him a big hand and we'll see you in a couple of minutes there's gonna be no talking by the way while i've drink that i'm not that good what's gonna happen is it's gonna be like a before and after all right so when they come back out they're gonna be um they're gonna be somewhat transformed and i thought it'd be a nice idea why they were getting ready if we um waited i do have fun doing this you know my girlfriend thinks we've got the latest top of the range sat nav she doesn't notice me we get in the car she likes to drive we start off in the car says turn left in 300 yards right she's a bit of an erratic driver she was slightly surprised the other day when the car said you're too close to the car in front do not try and do your makeup whilst driving come on laugh you can get a bus through there but i do have fun doing this although i did lose a really good job in a restaurant kitchen some years ago i gave the chef a nervous breakdown i used to stand next to him as he put the lobsters into the boiling water [Music] it's hot but ventriloquism is a very very strange thing and it takes it takes years to learn how to do it and now that i can do it i cannot stop doing it right a couple of weeks ago i'm a busy shopping centre coming towards me is a very heavily pregnant woman i couldn't resist it as she walks past and in everyday life now you have all sorts of amazing computers and things that talk everything talks right you have the siri on the iphone which talks right you have the satnav which talks to you you have lifts hotels airports all over the world you have the talking lift i like going to a lift that doesn't talk and pretend it does and the busier the lift the better can i go doors closing that's me can i go doors closing going up get out fatty or too heavy going down this is my favorite bit cable detaching now i've got this little three-year-old nephew right and um we get on great i love him to bits right and we get on really well and uh he's mad he's three years old right he's mad about harry potter loves harry potter right a bit older than three i too love harry potter right of the weekend sunday afternoon quite often everyone's doing the washing up at mum and dad's place i'm looking after him in the front room on the telly in the background is harry potter he's running around my little nephew is running around like he's had too much bloody sunny delight right and he comes running up to me on the sofa his beaming smile is looking right in my face i smile back at him and i can't help but do this i know i shouldn't i can't help it i do this scares the [ __ ] out of him and this is something i'd like to do if i see a young mother walking down the street with a baby in a pram i'll ask her how old the baby is she says whatever three months then i do this hello [Music] hello [Music] hello hello [Music] are you okay are you my daddy i am i do have some fun i really do i'm going to just go and make sure that our uh our lovely volunteers from the audience are um are ready and um just have to make sure they're ready because it's a lot to ask of someone to come out of the uh be plucked out of the audience and then be part of a show so i'm just gonna make sure they're ready so i'm gonna leave the stage uh unattended which is a cardinal showbiz sin okay but um i'll be right with you okay is that all right okay how you doing guys you look fantastic all right what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna go out there give you a big big big showbiz introduction big voiceover okay peter dickson on itv right and uh the audience is gonna go nuts you're gonna come out and we'll have a bit of a bit of a laugh all right okay ladies and gentlemen please welcome gordon and lucy [Applause] you look bloody marvelous okay so it's gonna be all right okay all you have to do is keep looking at our lovely lovely audience here tonight okay and uh i will do all the work all right we've got the uh we've got the look we've got the dummies what we're gonna do now is find you we're gonna find you a voice okay we're gonna find you a voice that we can have some fun with okay so you have a look at the audience there and uh let's hear how you sound are you okay yes i don't like it no no i was only kidding i was only kidding should i change it yes okay fine let's find you a beautiful feminine voice how about this one hello hello how about that yes oh yes i like that yes yes yes yes oh yes yes i really like it dude yes oh yes okay yes i feel like singing la la la so you're okay i'm okay yes thank you thank you thank you are you okay i'm okay thank you for asking yeah it's good so we're all okay we are all okay yeah she's too good at this what should you okay all right so you're you're okay you're happy with the voice i'm very happy okay i'm gonna talk to him now good luck are you okay don't touch me all right yes i suppose i'm okay [Laughter] all right yes i'm okay and you're okay yes i'm okay yes yes yes apart from her what about her she gets on my tits well that's the last time you're getting online i didn't realize you've been having problems yes when did the problem start when we got married they all started paul when i came home early from work one day and found him alone with my best friend oh no what was the name keith this is true he made me very happy twice now look here what would you mind just leaving us alone for a moment oh don't go what what do you mean just leave this alone would you give us a bit of privacy okay the only thing about this venture obviously is i sort of need to be here to assist you no no just give us a moment to ourselves and i'll tell you when you can come back here's a good chat peace off okay all right well i respect your privacy that's fine i'll give you a moment yourselves and i'll be back when you want me [Music] well this is a bit awkward isn't it yes it bloody is i've got to say i'm glad he's gone really yes i've never liked him no no i like him do you yes do you really do you do you do you yes yes i do i do i do yes he's good looking intelligent and oh so funny you fancy him i don't but he pays me attention you don't talk to me anymore i don't want to interrupt you it was different when we first met we didn't meet i sobered up there you were [Applause] you said you loved me you said i was the first man you ever made love to well your face looked familiar who asked you to come back well i just thought i'd make sure that you're okay yes you're doing fine thank you i suppose you could stay if you sat down um what about that yes why didn't you sit on that conveniently placed trunk i'll uh i'll sit here then yes sit down i'll move back a bit why don't you move it back and then by the way what i've got a question what's that how the bloody hell are you controlling us i've got this little remote control in my hand my god that's amazing was that your idea it was god you're good thank you look at that you're doing the talking at the same time look at that darling every time he wiggles his fingers my lips smooth [Applause] yes good one yeah yes well i'm enjoying this i think i might have a look around i think i'm going to stand up now yes any moment now i'm going to stand up yes i got to take a little walk around i think i'm going to walk to the edge of the stage now here i go i'm going to go the long way around i'm going to come back here into the light so that the audience can see me my stagecraft is a bit rusty you're doing fine darling thank you darling yes i think i might wave at the audience hello everyone hello hello yes lovely lovely lovely yes lovely yes in fact let's say hello to the people at the top there hello are you okay yes [ __ ] idiots yes i'm really enjoying this darling you look lovely tonight thank you darling you do too thank you why don't you turn around and show them on your ass yes have a look at that come on i'm going to turn around look at my ass look at that come on come on look at that yes i've still got it yes well i think i'm going to sit back down now for a moment yes look at that i couldn't bloody wait yes it's my turn now you're not going to show your ass are you no i'm bloody not i'm the lady yes i forgot darling i think i'll stand up for a start anyway there we go [Applause] i love show business i'm going to walk a little closer to the edge of the stage yes and have a look not too close obviously you know health and safety and all that [ __ ] yes i think i might breathe in the audience hello everyone hello yes look at the law lovely where is that susie where's susie she said oh there she is yes what a such oh this is good yes i got an itch i'm going to scratch my head i've got a slight hitch yes you've got a side edge yes that's it that's got it oh hang on i've got a litchi on now i'm going to scratch like um that's it my arm there we go that's got it i think i might sit back down now that's it i've got an itchy willy should i scratch it darling can i just point out these two wonderful people are plucked genuinely at random from the audience and i think they're doing such a fantastic job tonight you know we're not quite finished yet no we're not are you gonna tell him yes i'll tell him yes okay you go ahead darling okay the thing is ladies and gentlemen this is urban we're the fans of the tv show strictly come dancing [Applause] that's right and we'd very much like to recreate that show here this evening wouldn't we darling we certainly would i'm going to show you all my pasado passadoodle even though i had no idea what the bloody hell that is you're not really gonna have to do that we're still going to kick the [ __ ] out of you um you have been you've been absolutely fantastic i know and um have you enjoyed yourselves yes i'd really enjoyed it even though my eyes tell a different story darling have you enjoyed it yes i've enjoyed it immensely yes i'm really glad we sat in the front row at a bloody comedy puppet show in fact i'm gonna stand up now why did you join the darling yes i'll join you darling yes yes hold hands yes good idea yes yes yes thank you thank you thank you yes thank you thank you ladies and gentlemen we're not going yet oh no we're going to move back now where we were standing before that's right yes darling come on keep it together sorry about that i get a bit nervous yes i can smell it now that oh yeah don't make me laugh i can't do it when i'm off you see he's not that good no now look here i've enjoyed it darling have you enjoyed it yes i've really enjoyed it audience have you enjoyed yourselves yesterday darling how much have you enjoyed the show well darling i've had the time of my life [Music] i think waiting for so long now i finally found someone to stand by me [Music] [Applause] we saw the writing on the wall as without this magical fantasy [Music] and i'll tell you something tell me darling this could be love come on let's do the lift give it up for two wonderful sports thank you so much these off [Music] take about lucy take a bow gordon two fantastic sports and watch yourself going down the stairs there hope you can see all right and you know sometimes people have come up to me artists and they think that that's that's been set up that's been rehearsed i think you can see i think you can tell that that was genuinely spontaneous no one can fake that look of utter hatred in their eyes quite like that it's only right i get you both a present how about i get you the drinks of your choice at the bar uh straight after the show no no what no we'd like to buy you a drink oh thank you that's lovely another round of applause for two wonderful sports um i do have a little present for you a couple of presents here for you if you can um if you can risk standing up coming towards the stage again but there's a copy of my live dvd for you each and there's a little sam a little sound puppet as well there you go that's it thanks for you both thank you so much thank you gordon and lucy gordon ellucian what about that and um i'll be uh i'll be signing copies of my dvd straight out there in the souvenir souvenir counter after the show and also um i'll be selling little sam puppets as well really oh yes oh goody and um yeah you can't say hi and i'll tell you something and um just remember this an entertainer is only as good as his audience so tonight you thought oh [ __ ] it's your own fault from me pulls out and have a wonderful night thank you good night [Music] oh you

Channel: Paul Zerdin

Views: 58,875

Keywords: comedy, AGT, comedian, ventriloquist, ventriloquism

Id: l3oaLsjfBmk

Length: 60min 37sec (3637 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 24 2022