Paul Chappell: Navigating the Teenage Years

Mark Twain once gave the advice concerning raising teenagers he said when a child turns 12 he should be kept in a barrel and fed through a hole until he reaches 16 at which time you should plug the hole now that was Mark Twain's take on how to handle teens in the teen years and and yet I must disagree with Mark Twain I believe tonight that the teenage years are some of the greatest years a person ever lives filled with tremendous potential for a teenager who determines that he will not let anyone despise his youth but that he will be an example of the believer and that he will walk in the maturity of the Lord and for a teenager that has parents who are setting that direction the teen years are not yours to be afraid of or sheltered from but they're to be enjoyed because they are a gift from God and many young people have done great and mighty things for God in their youth and I'm convinced tonight that whenever there has been a great moving of God in our church whenever there has been a great revival meeting whenever there has been a great offering whenever there has been a great missions conference it is because the teenagers of our church attend pray open their heart have per meetings at lunchtime encourage one another in the Lord and in many ways the teenagers are a gauge of the health of the church and when the teenagers have a right heart it affects the whole church and it affects their parents because it's not a it's not an easy task for a parent who's trying to be faithful to church with the teenager that's just kind of acting like they don't want to go and slouching in their seat and sitting in the back and disinterested in the things of God but when a teenager has purpose in his life it can affect a family and it can affect a whole church and that's why we spend this night preaching and teaching about raising godly teenagers Willie Johnston was 11 years old when he earned the Medal of Honor during the Civil War Louis Braille at age 15 invented the Braille reading system it age 17 private first class Jack Lucas United States Marine earned the Livan or five days after his 17th birthday during the Battle of Iwo Jima he had already been a Marine for three years it 817 pelé scored six goals in four games to help Brazil win the 1958 World Cup at age 19 john d rockefeller began his very first company at age 19 Steven jobs began collecting and collaborating with Steve Wozniak what would become Apple Computer at age 19 Bill Gates co-founded Microsoft I just want to say if these men at those ages could do great things in the world why can't you men at that age do great things for God and sometimes we look at teenagers as if we've got to simply watch out for the bad things they might want to do but I want to challenge you tonight to develop them and encourage them for the great things that God intends for their life God intends for their life to be a vessel unto honor and a life that is used for the glory of God and so if you have your outline tonight I want you to notice first of all the potential of the teen years the potential of the teen years now listen to what John said in 1st John chapter 2 and verse 14 I have written unto you father's because she have known him that is from the beginning I have written unto you young men because ye are strong and the Word of God abideth in you and ye have overcome the wicked one now did you catch that he said I've written unto the fathers and by the way how many of you thank God that we have an infallible message for dads and a lot of this series has been to Dad's Deuteronomy 6 Ephesians admonishes us in chapter 4 and chapter 6 to raise up our children for the Lord and so we've been learning and admonishing dads but notice he says here I've written unto you among men young men because ye are strong and the Word of God abideth in you so he wrote to the fathers but he says to the young men you are strong too and the word of god abideth in you Helen Keller said I am only one but still I am one I cannot do everything but I still can do something and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do something that I can do teenagers you may not be able to serve in some capacity or give us much financially or teach or preach and certain venue but there are things you can do and I challenge you tonight to put your hand to the plow and be involved I'm always so thrilled to see teenagers in our bus ministry and teenagers in our choir and teenagers that have a place of service in the youth department and it thrills me when teenagers say they're having a volunteer prayer time at lunchtime at Lancaster Baptists school my heart just rejoices to think and to hear of young people getting involved in the work of the Lord Jesus Christ now there is potential for the teen years and I want to give you a few areas of potential first of all there is potential for great faith teenagers can trust God often times much more readily than adults they haven't lived long enough to figure out what can't be done they still believe that God can do great and mighty things just like our little grandchildren when I place them on the top of the car and I say jump jump they are filled with faith to jump trusting and believing in teenagers I believe and I believe that the teenagers have grown up around Lancaster Baptist Church and have seen time and again multi-million dollar buildings built and time and again missionary sin and time and again Church has started and time and again great things happening for God I believe the teenagers in this church ought to be able to go out into the world recognizing that our God can do anything but fail and so it is that teenagers have the potential to believe great things for God now David had developed great faith in the Lord during his latter childhood and early teen years and he is a wonderful example of a teenager that really got a hold of the fact that God could use his life first samuel 1618 then answered one of the servants and said behold I have seen the son of Jesse the Bethlehem I that is cunning and playing in a mighty valiant man in a man of war and prudent in matters and the comely person and the Lord is with him now I want you to think about that and I want everybody to look at that verse in your note because this was something said about a teenager David was just taking his violin lessons and David was just doing his chores and David was just learning how to shoot a slingshot and he was just having a good attitude and obeying his parents and what he didn't know was that God had a plan for his life and God was going to use that young man with a great attitude so look at that verse again teenagers and young people look at it first samuel 16 18 then answered one of the servants and said behold i have seen a son of jesse the Bethlehem eyed that is cunning and playing and a mighty valiant man and a man of war and prudent in matters and a comely person and the most important part and the Lord is with him and by the way you can tell when the Lord is upon and in a child there's something distinct about their spirit there's something distinct about their walk their character and in David's life it was said while he was still a teenager he's a godly young man and just as every man here should not shun the idea when someone would say he's a man of God that's a wonderful thing so a young person can be known as a man or woman of God First Samuel 17 37 David said moreover the Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion and out of the paw of the bear he will deliver me out of the hand of the Philistine and Saul said unto David go and the Lord be with thee you see even when David had the opportunity to stand before Goliath even when Saul wondered about his credentials in that area even then David was able to say Saul I remember when the Lord delivered me out of the hand of the bear and out of the hand of the lion and I want to remind our teenagers that every victory and every defeat in every classroom time and every Bible reading time and every Chapel time and every church service time all of it is to prepare you for the greater battles that are still to come and the way I see things coming in America we're going to need teenagers who know more than just how to use texting and more than just how to play Nintendo we're gonna need some teenagers who have a real walk with God and we see that David was such a young man in fact in 1st Samuel 1747 the Bible said and all this assembly shall know that the Lord sayeth not with sword and spear for the battle is the Lord's and He will give you into your into our hands David was a teenager when he killed Goliath those around him looked at his inadequacies but David just believed that God was able to use him I think of the teenagers in our youth group as young men and women that God is going to use in a great and mighty way I think of our seniors from the college here in the in the choir loft and I know that some will look upon them as they look upon me when I came out into the ministry at age 21 and 22 and preaching the Word of God and speaking with authority concerning sin and salvation and eternal life and some will look upon you as just two youth but when you have great faith in God mighty things can happen and so it was in David's life in fact it was wonderful when you study the life of David because you begin to get the sense that David had a father that believed in him you begin to get the idea that David had a father who trusted him to do great things for the Lord the Bible tells us that David's father Jesse had enough confidence to send him down to the place of war and to give him the bread to carry to his brethren and I think it's a wonderful thing when we have a teen night at the church or when the teenagers have opportunity to sing or preach or serve I think it's a wonderful thing when they're entrusted by their parents to be used of God in some special way and so the potential for the teen years is the faith that they have to believe in God great faith secondly teenagers have the potential of keen purpose a purpose teenagers should have a purpose in their life and not squander the teen years that God has given to them they may not know their exact a field of service they may not know of the career path upon which they will trod but the fact of the matter is the most important thing a teenager needs to learn and to purpose is not what field he or she will have but that whatever it is they will purpose in their heart to honor God with that a teenager with a purpose to honor God is a mighty weapon in the hand of God Daniel 1 in verse 8 but Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the Kings meat nor with the wine which he drank therefore he requested of the Prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself God give us some teenagers tonight that whether or not they're in full-time ministry that they will say this I can tell you the purpose of my life is to be a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ and wherever I may go wherever I may work I will not drink wine afterwards I will not drink alcohol with the men down at the bar I will not tell filthy stories about my wife I will attend God's house I will be a faithful man of God I will be a pure and moral young woman or young man and the fact of the matter is it really doesn't matter where you work what matters is that wherever you are you purpose in your heart to glorify God there you say I'm going to be different in the workplace I'm gonna be a man or woman that has purpose that's the type of man that Daniel was and Daniel's decision to purpose in his heart really made the difference for the future of his life then let me give you a parenting thought concerning the potential of the teen years let me encourage you to find a faith building project with your child let me encourage you to begin praying for something great with your child the salvation of a friend maybe some need in your home or maybe some as someone that you've been burdened for that you could just make a special prayer to build up the faith of your child let me also encourage you as a teenager teenagers let me encourage you and maybe with your parents help to write out a purpose statement for your teen years what is the purpose of your teen years is it just to have fun hey that could be a part of your purpose statement but what about writing out a purpose statement where you will write out what these years are all about in your life to glorify God to make the most of your education to be a blessing your parents to be a witness for Christ whatever it might be and list it out and read it and pray over it every day and live by that purpose and let God use the purpose in your heart to help you to be the teenager that you ought to be don't live by happenstance don't just say whatever whatever you know I'm just gonna have fun and get by but make a purpose for your teen years that would honor and glorify the Lord the potential of the teen years is great notice secondly tonight the pitfalls of the teen years there are pitfalls no doubt there's vulnerability for teenagers teenagers go through temptations and seasons where there's perhaps a little too much freedom too fast or perhaps the taking of freedom that was never given by parents and suddenly pitfalls can be found let me share a few of the pitfalls that I've seen over the years first of all there is the pitfall of a lack of a real relationship with God a lack of a real relationship with God there is a danger that a child can go to church can go to Sunday school can go to Christian school and very mechanically hear the things of God very and sometimes we might say thankfully that we're not in a religion whether it's just a lot of genuflecting and a lot of ritualism and a lot of just relationship with a church but not with God but may I say to you that it is possible that a child could attend a Bible preaching Church and be raised in a Christian home and have little more than a relationship with the church I'm not saying they're not saved I'm speaking about saved teenagers here but there is a pitfall that a teenager can have religious experience but not really know how to talk to God not really know how to listen to God not really have a walk with God Himself Mark chapter 12 in verse 30 and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind and with all thy strength this is the first commandment teenagers God wants you to have a real relationship with the Lord that's why brother Chapel and others encourage you to have time with the Lord in the morning and teach you how to have time of devotions and in periods of time during the year have accountability opportunities for you that you might learn what it means to hear from God yourself yes we need preaching and I believe in three to thrives Sunday morning Sunday night and soon to come Wednesday night in the Word of God we need to have the teaching and preaching of the word of God but you know what we need every day to hear from God to have that right relationship with him first Chronicles 28 and verse 9 and thou Solomon my son know thou the God of thy father let me say it again and thou Solomon my son know thou the god of thy father now teenagers were you tonight lift your hands at me I want to see where you're at all right all over hold him up there that is wonderful now listen right here put your hands down teenagers you may not feel like you have the perfect home but if you're in a pew or in a church house tonight with a parent or your parents you are blessed beyond measure above 95 percentile of all other families in the United States of America tonight you've got a dad that while he would probably tell you he's not perfect you've got a dad that has enough faith and he has enough spiritual sense to realize that he needs God he needs God's Word and he can't raise up a godly family without the Word of God in the local church and he has you in the house of God tonight and God forbid that those young people that just raised their hands would ever take for granted the fact that you have a father or a mother like that tonight you are very very blessed and notice what we read in 1st chronicles 28 and thou Solomon my son know thou the god of thy father you see it's not enough to know your father's religion or practices but you've got to get to know the God of your father you've got to have a relationship with the God of your father and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind Solomon had to come to know his father's God for himself so did joash the Bible says in 1st chronicles 24 1 joash was 7 years old when began to reign and he reigned 40 years in Jerusalem his mother's name also was zippy of Beersheba and Joab did that which was right in the joash did that which was right rather in the sight of the Lord all the days of the priests Joe ass was just seven years old when he began to make his decision I'm gonna do that which is right in the eyes of God Princeton professor wrote a periodical or an article called almost Christian back in the year 2010 and she described the majority of the faith of Christianity among teens in America as moralistic therapeutic deism moralistic therapeutic deism in other words it was a feel-good belief in God but not a personal walk with God and in the survey of 3,300 teenagers she found that while 75 percent claim to be Christian less than 50 percent practiced their faith and only 50 percent considered it really that important and one of the great evidences of a real faith in the life of a teenager and of the fact that they had a genuine walk with God is what happens in their life after high school graduation was it simply just acquiescing to a bunch of rules was it just hanging out where mom and dad hang out or did they somewhere along the line did their heart get attached to God did they learn how to follow God because when they have finally that freedom to do what they want to do do they pursue God or do they pursue the world that's why we have such a clear clean handoff if you will from the time that a student here is a senior in high school into the singles department and activities with the senior high youth pastor and the singles pastor and introducing them along the way and that's why we have single adult retreats and that's why we have fellowships after church and the leaders homes for our single adults we recognize that the tenderness of that period but I'm simply saying it's very difficult to transition in that time of life if a teenager hasn't developed a real heart for God along the way a lack of a real relationship with God is a terrible pitfall moms and dads be aware of that notice secondly a lack of clear boundaries is a terrible pitfall we've studied some of this in recent weeks but God is definitive in the scriptures that he wants parents of teenagers to give boundaries and yes teenagers need boundaries even though they may push them even though they may act if they don't want them it is the responsibility of the parent proverbs 4 and verse 1 here you children the instruction of a father and attend to no understanding for I give you good doctrine for sake he not my law now that doctrine is that set of beliefs and sometimes a teenager will push against the schedule they'll push against the set of beliefs and they'll you'll tell them to have their hair cut a certain way and they'll do it the way they want you'll tell your daughter to have perhaps a dress the way you feel that it would be more modest and she'll push it just a little way but mom and dad set the boundary and keep the boundary and make sure that you honor the Lord in all that you do in raising your children I remember years ago back when I was a young boy and my father told me to go get a haircut and I remember walking down the street to the barber and I went in and I sat down in the barber chair and I kind of went through this routine where I kind of explained how it should be I said it needs to be short enough but not too short and it needs to be just this way bring it down to the year and but don't take for it like a military cut just keep it kind of fool and kind of cool-looking and I was kind of instructing and the barbers of course doing what they're supposed to do and they kind of cut it the way I said and I remember going back to my dad's office and walking in and just saying howdy for a minute he said I thought I'd told you the haircut I said I did got a real good haircut he said you didn't get enough of it cut he said go back to the barber and tell him you want a man's haircut I'll never forget that you want a man's haircut he said I got to tell you that was a long walk back to the barber and I sat down in that chair and I said sir I I need to get a man's haircut he said I thought so boy he took that number-two clipper and boy he just right up and gave me a man's haircut now to be honest with you had the exact the exact link that was frankly fairly conservative length when I went back the length was not so much the issue as the issue was there was a boundary that had been established and I was pushing the boundary and there was an authority figure who is going to say look at the boundaries been set as long as you're eating my food and living in this house you're gonna go by the boundary now that may be a silly illustration but may I simply say when you set the boundary of what time to come in when you set the boundary of what time to do homework when you set the boundaries moms and dads then keep those boundaries in the life of your child oh it's so important that they would have that time with you and that that you would not let your children treat you like you're the roadblock on the roller coaster of their fun life but that you would recognize as a teenager that your parents are there to provide directory' direction and boundaries for you and when those boundaries are removed often dangers just on the other side and those boundaries are there not to limit your fun but to provide protection in your life give your children clear boundaries give them boundaries about the Word of God let them know the importance of it and and encourage their time in it give them a doctrine concerning how to treat others in their family their siblings their mother give them doctrine concerning worship and and the importance of Church and paying attention in the house of God let them know how important that is one of the boundaries at our home years years ago was always that Saturday night was kind of a slower night and over the years historically in our church we've not had a lot of activities on Saturday night because Saturday night I have felt as a time to kind of calm our hearts and minds and get prepared for the Lord's Day and so especially in a preacher's home as you might imagine I like to kind of quiet down and calm down and get ready him I remember when Matthew was about 17 years old and a bunch of his friends were gonna go out and they were gonna I think watch some sports event or something at a friend's house and and I remember when Matthew was getting ready to walk out of the door I don't know what time it was might have been 7:30 or 8 o'clock and and and and he was getting ready to go off he just had a car now and he was getting a little bit of freedom that way and I said son what are you doing he said oh I'm gonna go over to so-and-so's we're gonna watch such-and-such I said no I don't think we'll do that tonight son I said this is Saturday night and it's past dark it's getting close to about the time we want to get to bed and that's that's how we do it he said oh come on dad all the other guys are going over there and they're gonna watch this great playoff whatever it was and and and he said just just this one and I'm not saying there aren't times for grace and mercy but I'm saying this the standard is not what you put down on paper or what you said the standard will become the behavior you accept and in that moment was just a moment where the Lord put on my heart the thought and to keep the conviction that Saturday night is a quiet night we're gonna just stay home tonight as a family and and that huffed and puffed a little while and then he found something to do at home his date at the house but it was a moment where we had to decide if we were going to acquiesce or not and I'm simply saying that there are times when there is a boundary that's been set that a parent needs to keep that boundary as God has given it to you for your particular family a families living in dysfunction seldom have healthy boundaries boundaries represent awareness knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits now your boundaries might be a little different you might stay up till 2:00 in the clock on Saturday morning doing whatever but I'm simply saying whatever your boundary is keep the boundary be consistent with your children wearin wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way by taking heed thereto according to thy word keep boundaries that are helpful and biblical along the way let me give you this parenting thought when I think of this pitfall of a surface relationship not having a real relationship with God I want to encourage you parents of teens tonight periodically with your teenager just simply do this ask them this question son what's God doing in your heart these days what's the lord been doing in your heart what what has God been teaching you lately and by the way it's okay for teenagers to ask their parents that question too and you might have a teenager that says you know dad I learned this the other day in Sunday school or God put this on my heart in church the other night or the Lord was speaking to me about this in one of the best ways to hell but child cultivate that relationship with the Lord is to ask them questions about what they're learning and how they're growing in their walk with the Lord the potential of the teen years for great faith is tremendous the pitfalls are also very prevalent but let me share with you thirdly tonight the privileges of the teen years the teen years are years when young people begin to experience certain privileges that they have not experienced up to that time in their life now several of the privileges could be listed and I want to mention a few of them tonight that I think are a part of the teen years first of all financial development it is during the teen years when a young person begins to have the opportunity to learn how to manage money and they ought to have the opportunity in a way that is structured by their parents Luke 16:10 he that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much and so it is during the time of the teen years when I believe a mom or dad should take time with their young person not just to give them money but to let them earn the money either through work at home or work at a job somewhere to teach them how to budget how to make a budget to take them to the bank if you haven't done this already help them to open a savings passbook or a checkbook teach them how to balance the checkbook you might want to try learning yourself and then share that with them it's a very novel thought you perhaps would teach them how to save for college it's never too early to begin doing that and teach them debt with every $10 they make that there's an amount that can be saved and amount to be given to the Lord and those lessons should be learned well before college and there ought to be a teaching by the mom and dad on the subject of how to manage finance I believe very strongly and in helping our young people here at the church we have consumer math in the Christian school and sometimes we've had certain seminars like the Dave's Dave Ramsey seminar or perhaps you'd like to buy a book by someone like that and and just begin to help them understand a little bit about the accrual of interest and interest payments and a little bit about the accrual of interest with respect to savings accounts and what that means over long periods of time teach your children to stay out of debt teach your children to avoid paying that high interest as much as possible Richard Watley said a man who gives his children habits of Industry provides for them better than by giving them fortune I'm gonna say that again I love that statement a man who teaches his children habits of Industry provides for them better than by giving them a fortune how many of you have heard stories of these athletes that have a multi-million dollar contract or someone that inherits a lot of money or wins the lottery and you hear about a year or two later they're completely busted because they never learn how to discipline what God had given them the teenage years are years for training financial development secondly the teenage years are yours for personal responsibility not unbridled freedom but how to learn personal responsibility Paul said in first Corinthians 13:11 when I was a child I spake as a child and I understood as a child and I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things let me tell you young people today are taking longer and longer to grow up and that's why I'm thankful for the young people behind me and young people in our church that that are getting right off into their studies there's a purpose there's a direction in their life and they're determining to get out and serve God we're finding more and more of the millennial generation living at home well into their 30s in the United States of America because of young people that are not learning how to take responsibility how to get a job how to keep a budget and so forth and so there there need to be the understanding of financial development but also personal responsibility what are some basic things that happen at this time well some of them are very basic and very scary also like giving them their driver's license and some parents have determined they'll let the child have a driver's license when they can afford their own car insurance and and teaching them how to drive I remember bringing Danielle out here in the parking lot and for some reason I bought her first car was a stick shift and and she was having trouble learning how to shift years I remember getting down and grabbing her ankles and showing you how you press the gas and let out the clutch and after I hit my head ten or twelve times I thought that's not working very well that particular method and finally we figured out how to drive the the stick shift and on and on and and all of these are wonderful times of the teenage years I remember one time driving down the street I think we're going to Marie Callender's and Danielle was driving and I was in the front seat doctor sisters in the back seat I was as nervous as a man could possibly be I was telling her to stop way before the stoplight I was afraid we were gonna get hit at any moment know what dr. Sisk in the backseat he was laughing he thought it was a funniest thing he ever saw and and and so he was having a good time back there but help your young people in this matter of getting ready for adulthood spend time let them spend time with friends but let it be according to your approval of friends and the place of your approval and let it be around certain curfews and time restraints as well let them do chores around the house in order to have other privileges in other words determine ways that your child can earn the privileges and rights and not giving them the attitude that everything isn't expected in their life but that things are earned and that with privilege is also responsibility someone said teens need expanding freedom but only as they demonstrate expanding responsibility and so many teenagers today skip their homework play computer games spend time on the internet and all of this unbridled time and then they want more more more more and I'm simply saying you do not reward a lack of responsibility you do not reward a lack of discipline make sure that there is personal responsibility developing in their life and then thirdly during this time of the teen years there can be relational development relational development this is one of the privileges they're now beginning to make friendships and spend time with people that is in a different way concerning the amount of time and some of the places or activities they may be gone on a youth activity they may be gone on some type of a sporting event or something like this and what a blessing and what a privilege that we're able to raise our children around church and and have youth activities and and activities with godly adult supervision what a tremendous blessing they have even things like the baseball league with coaches that are godly and on and on the list goes and I want to say I'm thankful to God that I raised our children right here at Lancaster Baptist Church and I can look around some of you men and women and just say I'm glad my children were influenced by you in this place the Bible says in Psalm 1 and verse 1 blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly nor standeth in the way of sinners nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful but his delight is in the law of the Lord and in his law doth he meditate both day and night now when you think about the relational influences on your children let me give you a few thoughts first you want to have pure influences on your children now I don't mean perfect but I speak here of the purity in the sense of a moral purity innocence young people that are going to be a good sharpening influence on your children Henry Ford once described his friend this way he said my best friend is the one who brings out the best in me you want to help your child find that person my best friend is the one who brings out the best in me would you say that with me please my best friend is the one who brings out the now teenagers do you have friends that bring out the good in you do you have a friend that brings out what is right are you the kind of friend that brings out good in others you see your games your books your music your attitudes all of it should bring out the best in someone else Romans 14 13 let us not therefore judge one another any more but Judge this rather that no man put a stumbling-block or an occasion to fall in his brothers way now there are many teenagers in our church that may be our brand new Christians and thank god they're here and if your child enters into a relationship with a new Christian like that then pray that they will be a good influence on them but if you since it's going the other way be very tender to that as well make sure that your child is relation developing with people that have the same principles that you have along the way in their life and then secondly a positive influence the Bible says in Ephesians 4:29 let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may Minister grace to the hearers you you do not want your teenager around the teenage friend that's always trash-talking everything oh that stupid youth group I can't believe pastor Chapel said that about we can't text or can't do this or that I can't believe that teacher this or that you want your teenager around teenagers who have the capacity to say good things and to give praise and to have the right kind of an attitude because attitude determines altitude and nearness is likeness and your children will become like the friends they keep the books they read and the shows they watch on television an apparent must guard the relational development of their children in that way one author said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with proverbs 27:17 iron sharpens iron so a man sharpen a--the the countenance of his friends those of you that choose godly soul-winning serving friends are going to find it's encouraging to your faith if someone chooses a friend that is not faithful to the Lord that is negative in their spirit ultimately it has an effect on someone's life as adults as teenagers nearness is likeness and I have chosen in my life to surround myself with men of principle and character of a positive attitude of moral uprightness of doctrinal integrity because I want to make sure that I'm being influenced in the proper way and that would be good counsel for you as well as for your teenager and so here's a parenting thought let me encourage you tonight parents talk with your teenager about the influence of their friend if you have a question in your mind ask are you having a greater influence on him or is he having a greater influence on you how's your spirit is there anything going on in that relationship I should know about is everything good there do some things some time with your child and their friend take them to a ballgame spend some time with them have the sense in your heart know their parents I'll have the sense in your heart that it's something that is good for your child make sure that you're involved in those relationships the idea that your kid is 16 so he can go wherever and parents you ought to know where they're at and you ought to know who else is in the house and you ought never to have a teenager at another teenager's house where there's no parental authority be involved be involved say don't you trust your teenager listen you're providing protection that's your god-given responsibility to provide for your teenager and so the privileges of the teenagers yes they have financial privileges and social privileges and they have relational privileges but those privileges while they expand with age as teenagers are still bounded by the authority of the parent in their life and it is God's responsibility to the parent to be involved in that process and so we have the potential great potential to serve God like David like Timothy like Titus we see the pitfalls we see thirdly the privileges and then I want to share with you finally tonight some of the thoughts regarding the preparation for dating in the teen years and really what I have here is after the teen years the preparation for dating now I don't advocate serious dating during high school I really don't I think and I'll speak to you in just a moment about friendships for doing guys and gals but I really believe that that a lot of times a young couple that that maybe a 16 years old and and they get just completely head over heels and a lot of times you'll have a mother hole isn't that wonderful look at him it reminds me of you know when I was a child here try this dress on I wore this when I was 16 and all they're just boyfriend and girlfriend and pushing it and pushing it sometimes you'll have an uninvolved father now you have two teenagers that they don't listen in the youth group they in the back of the bus on the team activities they just kind of stare at each other and drool and it's almost as if they missed their entire youth experience and I really believe that the idea of dating serious dating is in preparation ultimately and potentially for marriage and most 16 year-olds aren't ready for that process and so while I'm encouraging of young men and young women to know one another and maybe even the like one more than the other I don't believe we need to start committing our lives together and I don't believe you ought to say I love you to 17 other guys before you find the one that you're gonna marry and I don't think there needs to be the idea that I'm yours forever when you're 15 or 16 years old and I believe parents need to temper that and downplay that process now we have here at our church what's called the spring banquet and we do encourage if it's something under the parents permission for a young man and a young lady to sit together and and to be friends and to learn how to hold the chair for a young lady and to learn how to put your napkin on your lap and how not to eat your food all at once and how to drink milk actually out of a glass lots of things young men can learn at a time like that and they need to learn how to respect a young lady and so we do have times like that and and I'm not saying that a young man and a young woman can never talked with one another or even kind of feel kindly towards one another I understand that but the idea of being so emotionally headlong involved in something at a young age oftentimes precludes the great blessings and benefits of their teen years in the youth group or school or wherever it might be and so I believe that this idea of dating in essence and in a nutshell is not something that we should push on a child during their teen years and let me say this also marriage is not for everyone first Corinthians chapter 7 the Apostle Paul thank God for his singleness and referred to it as a gift and and so sometimes we're pushing in areas that are not necessarily ordained of God and a lot of times I encourage our young men in the college today get married because the Bible speaks about the pastor being the husband of one wife and I believe it's conducive to their ministry and so I do encourage young people and many senses along those lines but even then we must have the leadership of the Lord during those times and I can tell you this and then if you would testify that it's a lot easier to get into a relationship than to get out of a relationship and sometimes it's catastrophic and so let me give you some thoughts about dating first of all parents stay involved stay involved bring your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord nurture them along this process admonish them make make this determination by the way if your child if your boy likes a girl in this church at age 17 and and he likes her for three months or your girl likes him and then one of the other doesn't like them then it will not affect your relationship with the other family in the church don't use stoop to the same silly emotional standard of the children let's let the children say well I don't think I like you anymore because I like Bobby and the next week and I like Sam all right the children can play that game and the girls go well oh like that I mean that's bad enough but when the moms and dads start doing it so if you have preteens let me just tell you if you have a child that likes another child in the church and then all of a sudden they don't like each other don't take it personal against the parents because children are gonna be children and you may have made the mistake of pushing it a little bit too much to get as far as it got so that you got stung as deeply as you got stung let this be something that happens as they get a little bit older real quiet in here right now but I'm just loving every minute of it parents stay involved now I believe that a daughter is under her father's authority until she's married I really do believe that and I thank the Lord that I had daughters who expressed that in their lives to me and I believe that a father should have peace about the matter of a friendship a one-time spring banquet a two times whatever whatever it is I believe the father needs to have leadership in that area and I believe parents should have peace about the person that their son or daughter is involved in getting to know and then ultimately dating and of course when it gets time for marriage there needs to be the approval biblically and by the way every wedding we've ever had at Lancaster Baptist Church it goes just the same way the last one was brother Frankie Jo Jo and I felt so sorry for him because I just remembered when I was standing right there and it's this it's the meanest thing these girls do they bring their daddies right here they make a stand right there and then they play a movie of them since the time they grew up and make us watch that while we stand right here in front of hundreds of people and cry and and Brotherhood brother Frank as tough as he is did right here and cried like a baby and then this is what he did he took his daughter's arm and he placed her arm into the arm of her husband and frankly at that very moment he transferred the authority from his life as a father to this man's life as a husband now that's exactly what happens I do not believe that any young lady should say she loves a young man much less think about marrying a young man unless she has her daddy's approval say well that's old-fashioned thank you thank you welcome to my country but I believe it's biblical I believe it's biblical so when I say parents stay involved I'm talking about really involved aren't they but but parents stay involved and and young people give your parents that place and be patient with them when your parents are a little bit nervous or like I was a lot nervous and and and be patient with them you'll never go wrong honoring and being patient with your parents parents stay involved secondly parents set the ground rules when it comes time and you feel that it's time and I've stated in my in my heart once they passed through the youth group and get into the college years it's more of a time in my heart and what I would recommend for you but whatever the time is set the ground rules and let me give you some ground rules very quickly first make your purpose in this relationship to glorify God to glorify God in all you do 36 years ago I began dating my wife and when Terri and I began dating we we had this little book I have it right here in my end and it says right here Paul and Terri and it says dating waiting and choosing a mate and and I remember talking to my folks she talked with her folks and I remember as college students when we began to seriously date going through this workbook and beginning to study together in our devotions in Bible College and I remember talking about what does it mean to have a serious relationship and we had a lot of talks about our families in our backgrounds and I was raised up in a ministry home and she was raised up in a family that was unsaved with a father who was an alcoholic and and and we had different paradigms of life and I remember realizing that and one of the recommendations of this book was that whatever you do do it all to the glory of God and one of the things that needs to be determined early in a relationship is this will not be fundamentally about us it's fundamentally going to be about God and we're going to do our best to glorify God in this relationship make that your purpose that's why we say this that you should never date an unsaved person the Bible says in 2nd Corinthians 6:14 be not unequally yoked to get unequally yoked together with an unbeliever how can how can a save person and an unsaved person glorify God and and I don't say this jokingly that's one of the reasons why I'm thankful for Bible colleges where young people have the opportunity to meet young people from their light faith who are saved and wherever you go to school understand that the dating pool for your child it has something to do with where they're at make sure that your child has some very strong convictions about who they're gonna date and that that number one requirement is that they ought to be saved and beyond that the closer to your doctrinal persuasion the better it is for their marriage because now all the sudden you have a tug-of-war your son falls head-over-heels over some gal that believes she's got to speak in tongues every single Sunday and she's been saved 17 times and her mama who's a strong woman wants to see your boy over there and you've allowed him because you didn't give him ground rules you put him right in the middle of a tug-of-war for his life and there's a lot of illustrations I think of Peter and Amanda over here tonight and how Peter went to Cal Poly and stayed right faithful in his church and just kept his his eye on his studies and on God and in the Lord brought into his life a beautiful engineer out here at Edwards who happen to be a member of his own local church and they're sitting in church together tonight and they're working on their Christian life and they're working on their marriage and it's a wonderful thing to see God work in the lives of young people who first and foremost say we want to glorify God in this relationship so purpose that you're going to glorify God secondly prepare prepare now prepare by getting counseled before getting heavily involved before you get head-over-heels in that relationship get counsel from your parents get counsel from some spiritual leaders in your life maybe your Sunday school teacher maybe someone that you've known in the church a long time and and just say listen would you pray with me and I'm really really thinking that something might be happening in my heart with someone that I know and I'd like your prayer do you have any counsel for me during this kind of a nervous time in my life and boy a lot of times I get asked that question ninety-nine percent of the time I just say you know that's wonderful I'm gonna be praying for you and and and keep me posted on how things are going by the way when two Christian young people meet each other and and they've been obedient to their parents all their lives and they've been faithful in church and now they're meeting each other that is a wonderful thing and and we praise the Lord for that and then thirdly set some protocol some protocol and teach your children certain things about dating there ought to be some hours set I'm going to tell you something texting at one o'clock in the morning is not normally healthy and again I'm not here to tell you all of my personal preferences I'm trying to give you some some scriptural principles but one of one of the things you've got to decide is how late is too late and set the protocols and I'll I'll say this as well especially in the high school years and in the early times of development of a relationship I don't believe a young woman should be texting a young man incessantly and I believe that's something that ought to be shared by parents of the young lady and and even the incoming text and by the way teenagers and I don't think any parents or guess always you know checking I know of some parents that have set up on the iPhone so that you can read your children's text and you can read your children's emails and I think that's perfectly fine and wonderful but the fact is whether you have that application or not a teenager should not be afraid of some kind of accountability like that set the protocols down for your home and for your family and and how much time on the phone are we going to have listen some of these relationships spend so out of control that the grades go down the spiritual life goes down everything goes down and the relationship becomes very unhealthy thorough fourthly have patience have patience don't talk about marriage until you're well into college and don't push dating or even overemphasize dating and I want to encourage the teenagers don't say I love you without your parent's permission it's really amazing how it starts to you know it starts normally love yeah love hey cutie you should see some of the notes that sometimes get dropped on the playground I've got some of them right here now a few teenagers all set up and smile I won't read the names on the bottom hey babe these are just cue cards don't worry young people listen the words I love you are some of the most profound important words you'll ever say to anybody and they're wonderful in their time but the sixth grade is normally not the time get your parents involved number five let me give you this this ground rule number five purity talk to your children about purity first corinthians 7:1 it is good for a man not to touch a woman it is good for a man not to touch a woman the Bible says flee youthful lusts abstain from youthful us and let's be honest during the teen years this is a challenge and and and and teenagers oftentimes are taught about abstinence and purity and rightfully show so but don't leave that all up to the youth group talk to your young people about this and set the ground rules and I know a lot of people say well I don't think this is wrong or that's wrong I remember my daughter-in-law Katie she they were very seriously dating and and getting towards maybe engagement Katie one day sitting in our living room and she said to me my wife and I were there and Matt was there she said you know I've thought about it a lot I don't really think it's wrong if you kissed somebody before you're married I said is that right she said yeah I really thought about that and and I said well since you're in my house since you guys are dating and I happen to be the president of your college it's wrong she said okay and we kind of kid it around but you know some people say well when they get engaged I think this is appropriate or this is probably let me just encourage you the less physical contact before marriage the better chance they have of remaining pure until marriage and and and I just encourage you to talk especially with their teenagers about not getting involved in physical contact with their friend that won't be their friend next week talk to your kids about purity and talk to them about setting some guidelines and how many noticed tonight I'm trying to give you some parental leeway as how you talk to your teens but I'm strongly suggesting that you talk to them and that you lay down some boundaries and that that is limited up until up until their time of Meritage with regard to sexuality and even with a lot of touching number six let's talk about people talk about your friends of your children and what I mean here is I encourage your family to consider and your parents with your teenagers that your young people should have most of their dating in groups and here at West Coast Baptist College we have a lot of double dating and chaperone dating and there comes a time when they singled that date perhaps so getting ready for marriage and so forth but but most of the getting acquainted time and and most of the dating is best with groups and where they're having fun and where they're able to also have accountability number seven talk about the priorities of this relationship keeping the priorities spiritual and again asking them does this person help you to become a better Christian is this a relationship that has a spiritual foundation does this young man help you to be more loyal to your parents does this young man uphold your parents prerogatives and and a direction for your life and then number eight make sure there's always a plan for your children with respect to their time no unscheduled time but keep a plan and orderliness in their life now folks I know some of what I'm saying and I say man this is old-fashioned this is conservative and I believe it's exactly what teenagers need and what most of them want they want a parent that will be a parent along the way we are living in a day where teenagers by and large are leaving the faith great burgeoning amounts of statistical information showing that teenagers are promiscuous at younger and younger ages tremendous amounts of problems stemming from unbridled relationships I'm not speaking about being overly authoritarian or unkind I'm not speaking about stifling the fun of the teen years I'm speaking to you tonight about setting some boundaries and giving some direction for your children and I'm gonna tell you this when God gives you that day when your children come down that aisle and when they have lived faithfully for the Lord and they stand there before God and before men to unite in marriage I'm not saying that they're perfect I'm not saying that all of that but when they stay there as having been obedient and godly and glorified the Lord in their relationship you'll be glad that you stayed involved in their life and you'll be thankful to the Lord along the way discuss with your teenagers the boundaries for friendships and dating discuss that with your teenagers and then agree with them and have them agree with you and pray with them about that and set that down early on in their life you'll be glad you did I'm gonna read a letter to you that our daughter Danielle gave to me and I was gonna pass it out and didn't get to that but this is a letter that Danielle gave to me just before she and Peter were engaged and I'll not read all of it but let me read a few of the lines to you dear dad you were the kind of dad every girl dreams of she's always been a very smart intelligent girl I thank the Lord all the time for placing me in our family by the way I'm reading this with her permission thank you for raising me in a Christian home in a godly balanced environment thank you for staying in one place my whole life and for providing consistency and security in our home thank you for staying faithful to mom and to our family thank you for staying faithful to the Lord thank you for being the world's greatest pastor further wisdom evidenced in that statement there thank you / for providing godly influences and hundreds of opportunities to make decisions for the Lord and to grow spiritually in one place thank you for ensuring that we received a quality education thank you for starting a Bible College thank you for the spiritual battles you fight for our family thank you for the long talks thank you for helping us with bad attitudes bad grades or bad friends thank you recently for all the long talks about dating in the future thank you for the incredible times and family vacations and the thousands of wonderful memories we share God has blessed me beyond measure by allowing me to grow up in your home I love you and thank you for all you've done for me thank you for all the counsel in time you've given me in my relationship with Peter thank you for loving and guiding me through this transition in my life and for being patient as I've struggled at times in my communication to you regarding Peter after much prayer Bible reading and meditating on counsel from you and mom I believe God has given me a perfect peace that Peter is the one for me God has given me a peace that my heart is not dividing love between you and Peter but enlarging my heart to love to be able to love you and to love Peter and to love our family to love you both but differently because the Lord has given me such an awesome and secure upbringing I've struggled at times in this process I know now that I'm leaving the known for the unknown but I do want to enter the unknown with Peter I don't know what God will have in store for our future but I'm trusting the Lord and I'm excited to see what he will do with our lives I love Peter because he loves the Lord he has a desire to serve Him he has a drive to be the best he can be for God he's patient with me yet firm when he needs to be he loves me and is incredibly good to me he has a consistent spirit in temperament and he has a good attitude I love Peter because of his desire to grow personally and spiritually he seeks counsel and he lives his life on purpose he makes decisions based on principle not on whim or preference I believe our strengths and weaknesses complement each other and make us more effective in the Lord's work he's the first person I want to share things with and my favorite person to be with dad my desire is to live my life in a way that would please the Lord and make you proud I love you and mom so very much love Danielle I'll never forget reading that letter and you might imagine I wept through every line but it was a wonderful thing to watch a young lady so submissive to the Lord and to her parents come to a place where God had brought a man of God into her life and as awkward as that was for me it was beautiful beautiful indeed to see God's plan the teenagers they don't have to be wild and crazy and difficult they can be some of the greatest years of your life if you seek first the Lord Jesus Christ in all that you do

Channel: Lancaster Baptist Church

Views: 1,224

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Paul Chappell, Family Life, Preaching, Family, Parenting, Teens, Teenager, Teenagers, Children, Counseling

Id: GdFqKS1voH4

Length: 63min 25sec (3805 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 07 2016