Overcoming Doubt and Negative Beliefs to Achieve Your Dream

when you have a doubt about something you have to teach your mind to ask questions to evaluate that to do a better job so my doubts as a coach beginning I'm too young I haven't trained I you know I got hired by an executive in a fortune 500 company whose CEO oh I've never be in the CEO oh love anything how do I coach that I I got hired to work with an athlete at a high level I've never even played that sport before like I had a lot of fear and doubt about me being capable in fields I don't know about but that's not what coaching was I would find out after I got training it's like oh no coaching isn't about the coaching isn't about you coaching is not about the coach coaching is about the clients and the way they are thinking and approaching their goals and dreams that has nothing to do with your background my ego is tied up to it and that's what usually doubt is coming from doubt is usually coming from a concern of ego I don't want to look dumb I don't want to be wrong I don't want to make a mistake that other people see I don't want to start small I don't wanna be embarrassed that kind of thing we'll talk more about that as we go through big dreams but let me share some questions you might ask next time you have a doubt here's my favorite first question is this thought or worry because all doubts tend to be a thought right it's a thought pattern usually the thought pattern sounds like what if followed by a negative statement what if she doesn't like it what if they make fun of me what if I fail so it's a what if followed by negative statements so it's a thought pattern right so that's why I say is this thought or worry helpful to my joy and news story so I my doubt is I'm too young to do this career now go okay is that helpful to my joy no because every time I think that I feel like crap that's a good indication if you think something and you feel like crap maybe not the right thought ding-ding-ding so why are you holding onto it if it makes you feel like crap every time you think it ah I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body and every time you say that you feel like crap maybe that is not a thought you should be hanging on to it's not serving you and when you think about the new story now I had to think oh no the new story is I'm gonna become a world-class coach not I'm a dumb kid from Montana raised a knee with me my doubt was because my thought was always well I'm just a dumb kid from Montana and I hope that doesn't for those who are Montana's through mime I'm really paint a bad picture I apologize you please go there watch the river runs through it Go Fish Go Go high climb hunt go support our agriculture my best friends in the world still live in Montana so they would kill me for this whole presentation but for me I felt lacking because I grew up in a small town where we didn't have fancy stuff and no one ever talked about dreams so for me was a big deal and so what I was doing was my doubts are your thoughts about the old or are they about the new I had to go Wow my doubts are about old stuff but if I want to grow into the new stuff I'd better be aware of that so I had to say oh my my this thought of I'm just a dumb kid from Montana makes me feel bad and it's also not part of the new story so it's not joyous and it's not part of the news story stop thinking that Brendan that's not supportive of you that's one way to process it out another way to process it out is this question will this believe carry me to my desired life will this belief carry me to my desired life because your ride into your dreams my friends on your beliefs like your beliefs are the magic carpet ride you know I'm saying your beliefs are the magic carpet ride they're carrying you to the dream and so you'd better know what they are and so here's my question to you all you got a dream what beliefs should you have now not just where were they were do they bring you joy but like what beliefs would be necessary to carry you to your dream I had to start believing Oh in any situation with a person I'll dance and I'll flow and we will figure it out together we will figure it out together became a new belief I had we can go do anything anything talk about any subject I know we'll figure it out together not because I'm so smart because the two of us are better than one of us ah okay great that's amazing Oh a new belief I will impact the world more than anybody could in this space but first I'd better know how to impact one person I want who wants to make a difference in the world raise your hands well see my belief is one day I'll make a difference in the world but I also added a belief ah I need to know how to make a belief with one person because someone just want to change the world but we can't change our marriage so we got to learn the process and I had to learn oh that's the bigger belief my belief that will carry me forward is I can figure it out together the new belief that would carry me forward you know what these aren't gonna and this is gonna be inked anxiety for me this is gonna be fun right when you change the frame from fear to joy the dream gets way closer when you change the frame from fear to joy the dream gets closer because that joy that's the carpet it says this is gonna be fun now let's get on this carpet and go to the dream you have to change that frame from fear to joy and now the carpet ride is mattering next up I love this one is this belief verifiable and fair when you have a worry or a doubt can you verify it is it just your mind on a merry-go-round of doubt or is it real my thing was I'm too young to be a coach right I'm too young to write a best-selling book I'm too young to get paid I'm too young to become you know wealthy I'm too young to you know meet my love I'm too I had this young thing I said how is that verifiable because I open up the magazines and there's young people who are rich I see people out in the marketplace being admired and celebrated in hiring teams of younger people I thought that's not verified well that's listen your internal fears are often not market realities stop basing your worries and your fears based off what you're concerned about and start observing the world verify your concern to the world and you'll almost always find out no you just trapped in some biases and fears that's the big one is this helpful it's too much before lunch you guys are here say I'm here you ready to change say I'm ready this is good number four is this situation in my control is the situation in my control then it's not a worry or a doubt if it's in my control great I can impact things but if it's not in my control guess what let it go if it's not in my control why am i concerned why am i freaking about of it why am I worried about it right I can't control if this person thinks I'm too young to work with them I can't control that so stop worrying about the young thing Brendon you don't get to control that I mean I guess I could show up with the fake mustache you know I I really thought that was funnier I did think it was good but I could I could dress up older I could I could peer older but ultimately that's their perception I can't control that perception on them so why am I going in the meeting worried about my age some of you need to reverse engineer that's because you think you're too old oh I'm too old to do this new thing is that verifiable and true no oh no well I know one person who was you know an old did I am and they didn't get hired because of this and that I'm like no one person is not called evidence right one person is a suggestive reality but evidence verifiable you got to look at bigger picture things most of your concerns about your age your weight your appearance these are manifestations of ego concerns wow I don't look like this I don't look like that uh I was just with a bunch of influences one thought man I you know what I'm not as healthy as I should be no one's gonna listen to me about health I'm like what are you telling him about how well they should sleep more I think you can tell people to sleep more without having six-pack abs I mean see his mind is inventing this thing that has nothing to do with market realities raise your head you follow I'm talking about that you see if you think you're too old no you have the wrong frame your perception is wrong if you think you're too ugly if you think you're to this or to that usually when you say I think I'm too whatever that next line is is usually incorrect it almost always I think I'm - there's almost nothing usually a positive maybe some of you think you're too extra I don't know but you know only the young people actually got that joke so maybe you are too old so if you have those concerns I'm here to tell everybody in this room I have met people who started their career in their 80s in their 80s and loved that decade of their life in their 80s who wowed people and became millionaires at the end of their life like I don't want you to think oh well I can't because I'm this because one thing I always find like as a coach see I was like oh I can't go be this guy because people know me as this consultant this company no one knows you if you're that well people know me is this Brennan no one knows you just because your neighbor knows you or that 40 people at work knows you no one knows you it's my favorite story of my time on American Idol still to this day was was was that that clip of Ryan Seacrest is still the funniest thing I've ever seen I love this clip you got to see on the Internet so this clip there's this little girl she's this tall her dream her whole life was to be on American Idol she's the American Samoan girl and she comes to American Idol with her two big brothers two big Samoan dudes I mean big I mean they walked in the room and it I mean just big guys and so they're escorting their sister to her biggest dream of her life okay she's dreamed about her whole life so I'm watching this clip and I'm trying to figure out what they're doing with the producers because they keep showing her and she's talking about the dream my life my dream my life and she's going over to the rehearsal area and she's talking about three muttering life and then she comes in and she's in front of Randy and Paula and Simon and she's so nervous and then she starts talking and as they're talking having conversation they're panning out too or they're cutting out too there's Ryan Seacrest standing there between two big Samoan men and they keep cutting back to just ryan standing between these two big guys and I'm like why are they doing this cut I couldn't figure it out and then she sings and she smashes she's so amazing she cuz standing ovation Paula's crying it's like this great thing and this is her whole dream she must have been talking about it her a whole dang life the brothers came with them and then they pan back out and Ryan's like this and the big moment brother looks down Ryan Seacrest the host of the show at the time the biggest show on the planet and the show that his his sister's dream and he looks down to Ryan Seacrest was like so who are you [Music] no one knows you no one knows you Oh Brendan I can't become a coach because they knew me for I was a therapist or I was a you know a consultant or I was a manager or no one knows you you can all go home and reinvent today can I get an amen on a Friday you can all go reinvent it's just the story you're saying oh well I was that no no no one knows you I've been with the biggest influencers in the world all around the world and we'll walk in and you be stately you think they're going to just get mobbed outside of their world or their universe they're not even known I was with one of the top five youtubers on the planet the other day and we went had lunch and I kept thinking this person is totally going to get recognized this is totally gonna happen no one knew a girl sat next to us sort of had this conversation says to the person says I think I recognize you and he says oh that's cool and she goes um did you go to my school so-and-so and he's like oh no I didn't he's like no one knows you you can pivot whenever you want you can pivot whenever you want that is in your control other people's opinion of you their perception of your old story that's not in your control forget about that take the helm of your dream everyone say I own my dream Tundras the right shake up say you own your dream oh my goodness number five what judgment can be released now who found some release in this room at hpx last night ladies and gentlemen listen you gotta let go of the judgment I had to let go of the judgment I'm not capable I think that is the biggest judgment you have in your life I'm not capable I'm not worthy I'm not deserving I'm not good enough I'm not pretty I'm not like these I'm not under lying you got to release those judgments to go to the next level that baggage is too heavy for you to elevate you gotta go I kind of look what judgements do I need to release what is it what are the things I say to myself and we did some of that last night but I want to encourage you keep doing it like yeah you got to let it go I was I thought I'm not capable I'm not somebody who can work with famous people I said that to myself one time the first fancy clients I was like mortified for days worrying about it and then I said that's a judgment about me they haven't even made yet and Here I am stopping before I even get to play on the field you go to the game you get in the game you get dirty you get knocked down but you get in the game you get in the game and you don't judge yourself until the game is over until the fourth quarter clock hits zero zero zero you don't get to judge yourself before the end of the game you get in the game you play the game full-out I said I gotta let this judgment go because I'm worried of their judgement so I'm stopping myself it didn't make any sense didn't make any sense at all six what would make me oh I love this one you guys know I love the role model myself what would make me a role model now you know what make you a role model now starting when you're uncertain you know it would make you a role model now going forward despite the hurts you what make you role model now standing up for what you believe in sooner then later you know what make you a role model now speaking up for other people you know you make your role model now getting the education you need now not seven years from now what makes you a role model now is when you take appropriate action for yourself and what makes you a role model is when people see you do that over and over they recognize that is true to your spirit and your integrity and then they can count on you they go you know what she's gonna show up she will show up she will work on herself because she's always done that she cares and that's what's gonna make you a role model is to almost all like no role models we look at like a Jamie you heard how many times she doubted herself in that story did you hear I keep telling that she kept doubting and doubting and doubting but she kept going and going and going and you proceeding through doubt is one of the fundamental reasons we look up to you if I had the blessing of coaching or knowing each of you there's no question the reason I would admire you so much is that you're still here you're still in the game you're still working on yourself you're still getting the education you need you're still open to learning you are still in the hunt you are still going after it you are still believing you are still here you you're a role model for being in this room because a lot of people they could work on themselves but they don't but you do and that's why I have such reverence for this group because I know this is my tribe I always tell my coaches I'm like you're my peers we we do the same thing we want to impact people's lives in a positive way that's a beautiful thing you might not know it yet because you've judged yourself in the past but some of you inspired people in these groups of five here you have inspired and lifted others and you've made a difference here even if you didn't know that so turn person left right shake him say thank you for your service yeah number seven so what this is my favorite one every time I have a worry or concern I might work through this framework do you guys like this framework I will tell you if you will ask these questions you will unlock a whole new mindset like I these are types of things for like four or five years of my life these were printed next to my computer because I was a worrywart any worry or wherever yours in the rooms I was like oh my god these worry these thoughts are so lame and I'm not happy so I had to reprogram myself with these questions I would ask him over and over and over my very favorite one is that last question so what's the next right action of integrity yes I'm sad and what's the next right action of integrity yes they cheated and what's the next right action of integrity yes it didn't work out and what's the next right action of integrity no matter what happened it's what's next no matter what happened it's what's next what challenges people and hearse people is when it's this happened period ellipse period ellipse period ellipse period ellipse period ellipse period ellipse and ten years went by and then they took the next right action of integrity that's where pain is the time between what happened and your next right acts of integrity the longer that space the bigger the pain the longer the space the bigger the pain so we gotta go okay whatever happened got it no one's discounting what happened it was hard it was brutal it sucked you didn't want it you didn't ask for it damn them dang it that sucks and what's the next right action integrity for you now what would be good for you now what would you be proud of now and I had to think that too because in my life as a coach I was like but I'm not perfect yet right that stuff of Who am I Who am I to try and inspire people you look at that stage up there I know some of you go oh I'd love to be on that stage but I know simultaneously brain goes well Who am I why would they listen to me because you're you they'll listen to you because are you that listens you because you're you they the next right action of integrity is to take the stage of your life and communicate well to take the next action well to decide what you stand for and do because people respect individuals and authenticity it didn't matter that it didn't matter Jamie at the end of her story you find out she made a billion dollars you love during the first six minutes see is this true yes listen we think it's the ending that gives us credibility it's the being and relating that gives us the credibility to be who you are and relate with other people well to take action integrity over and over and over it starts to sit on you and people see it and when you're a person of integrity and you sit with someone in coach with them everything changes that's what I had to learn I said the next right action of integrity stopped waiting and stopped telling myself this old thing or I'm not perfect or this in half and the next right action of integrity is to start coaching that that's not for everybody I'm sorry that's my dream that's my mission that's my impact I'd love for you to all be involved one day I'll invite you in I'll tell you all about it but at the end the day you would have your dream and when you have questions about yourself you're gonna go back the slide yes [Music] [Music]

Channel: Brendon.com

Views: 186,909

Keywords: personal growth, motivation, inspiration, motivational video, motivational speaker, inspiring videos, inspirational quotes, motivational quotes, life quotes, life coaching, high performance coach, success strategies, the charge, the motivation manifesto, self help, personal development, self improvement, brendon burchard, self doubt, having doubts, overcoming doubt, negative beliefs, positive thinking, achieving my dream, self confidence, dealing with ego, self judgment

Id: UqfkSp7uj18

Length: 24min 14sec (1454 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 30 2020